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Joy & Austin 33: Pregnant Again


Coconut Flan

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Gloria is an extreme outlier so I always have to point this out. Sorry! Gloria was 47 when she conceived and her last child before that (Nathan) was 5 years prior. So she wasn’t having babies every 18-24 months up until 47. Pregnancy in your 40s is highly unpredictable. Some have 3 kids in their 40s while some have none. 

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Gloria is an extreme outlier so I always have to point this out. Sorry! Gloria was 47 when she conceived and her last child before that (Nathan) was 5 years prior. So she wasn’t having babies every 18-24 months up until 47. Pregnancy in your 40s is highly unpredictable. Some have 3 kids in their 40s while some have none. 

Oh I knew that! I actually almost pointed that out too. That accidental pregnancies do happen even to Fundies and that late babies are unpredicatbale (my husband was one) 

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I watched their pregnancy announcement video and it was very cute. I'm glad they are happy - they seem like a strong couple, loving parents, and sweet people with the usual caveat of absolutely not being off the hook for their shitty beliefs.

I can understand the Annabell/Jubilee slip of the tongue from Joy. They obviously occupy the same 'box' in her head, with similar feelings attached. They were similar gestational ages when they died, weren't they? And both losses were a sort of 'end of innocence' for Joy, first witnessing the end of her mother's fertility and their family's shock and grief after decades of apparently effortless pregnancy (bar Josie); then discovering that marriage, adulthood, babymaking is not all sunlit uplands either. 

I'm pregnant again and Joy is about a week ahead of me - my working due date is May 31st. I really hope that we both get to cuddle our healthy babies in 2023. I also shared a due date with Nurie when she was pg with Nehemiah and couldn't believe she announced so early: once I miscarried it was even more excruciating than usual to follow along with J-Rod. I don't like that my fertility journey is meddling in my fundie-snarking!

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Mavel tov @AprilQuilt!!!

 

 

I have a stupid question. I'm in my mid-50s and still getting a fairly regular period. I think I am still ovulating at least some months, if cervical fluid is any indication (I used fertility awareness method while trying to get pregnant.) So what is it about being in your 40s or 50s that makes it unlikely to conceive? And an even dumber question---if I'm not ovulating anymore--or hardly at all---and virtually 0% chance of conceiving, why the fuck do I still have to get my period? Obviously, my reproductive education has been limited to young lady stuff.

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@Satan'sFortress I’m not a Dr so take this with a grain of salt: you’re most likely getting your period because you still have eggs and are ovulating. What makes conception unlikely is that those eggs ( or most of them) are no longer good ( genetically or chromosomally {sp?} abnormal.) the older the eggs the more damaged they’re likely to be. While not likely there may be a good egg in there somewhere so birth control would still be recommended.

ETA: can’t answer your 2nd question. I’m 55, and haven’t had a period in almost 5 years, and I don’t miss it at all. I’m lucky not to have hot flashes though.

Edited by justmy2cents
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1 hour ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Mavel tov @AprilQuilt!!!

 

 

I have a stupid question. I'm in my mid-50s and still getting a fairly regular period. I think I am still ovulating at least some months, if cervical fluid is any indication (I used fertility awareness method while trying to get pregnant.) So what is it about being in your 40s or 50s that makes it unlikely to conceive? And an even dumber question---if I'm not ovulating anymore--or hardly at all---and virtually 0% chance of conceiving, why the fuck do I still have to get my period? Obviously, my reproductive education has been limited to young lady stuff.

It’s about egg quality. A good percentage are damaged by your late 30s and almost all are by like 42. I just turned 45 and 2 years ago I had a very surprise pregnancy (found out the same week I turned 43 and moved my daughter into college!)  I read all I could and mentally prepared myself that it could end in a miscarriage. That is what ended up happening at 7 weeks. At the time I was very sad but now I really can’t imagine having an 18 month old right now!  My youngest is just going off to college this year and I’m enjoying the empty nest thing. Of course if it had gone the other way I’d probably be writing that I couldn’t imagine my life without that little one…

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On 10/14/2022 at 1:44 PM, Satan'sFortress said:

So what is it about being in your 40s or 50s that makes it unlikely to conceive?

Two big issues are:

1. quantity and quality of the follicles

2. health of the woman

All the follicles a woman has are present by about 20 weeks gestation. After that there is a steady (and sometimes precipitous) decline in the number of follicles and of the follicles which remain fewer will be able to produce a viable embryo. Additionally the older a person is the more likely they are to have significant health issues which might impact a pregnancy. 

 

 

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9 hours ago, anjulibai said:

Wait - did I read right? Claire's mom is pregnant with twins? What?

We were talking about Hilary Swank, the actress, who is pregnant with twins at age 48. Claire's mom is Hillary Spivey. God, I hope she's not pregnant!!!

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42 minutes ago, EmiSue said:

We were talking about Hilary Swank, the actress, who is pregnant with twins at age 48. Claire's mom is Hillary Spivey. God, I hope she's not pregnant!!!

Ooooh!!! Okay, I can't read I guess, LOL!

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On 10/14/2022 at 10:44 AM, Satan'sFortress said:

Mavel tov @AprilQuilt!!!

 

 

I have a stupid question. I'm in my mid-50s and still getting a fairly regular period. I think I am still ovulating at least some months, if cervical fluid is any indication (I used fertility awareness method while trying to get pregnant.) So what is it about being in your 40s or 50s that makes it unlikely to conceive? And an even dumber question---if I'm not ovulating anymore--or hardly at all---and virtually 0% chance of conceiving, why the fuck do I still have to get my period? Obviously, my reproductive education has been limited to young lady stuff.

this is a brilliant question, I think. I am on a menopause group on facebook and I posted a question about Hilary Swank at 48 getting pregnant, and a lot including doctors suggested that she had donor eggs implanted. And that she would go directly into menopause (because I said at 48 I was in menopause)- I also watched this amazing ted talk about a woman who said not every woman will have children but every woman will go through menoapuse. 

On 10/14/2022 at 10:53 AM, justmy2cents said:

@Satan'sFortress I’m not a Dr so take this with a grain of salt: you’re most likely getting your period because you still have eggs and are ovulating. What makes conception unlikely is that those eggs ( or most of them) are no longer good ( genetically or chromosomally {sp?} abnormal.) the older the eggs the more damaged they’re likely to be. While not likely there may be a good egg in there somewhere so birth control would still be recommended.

ETA: can’t answer your 2nd question. I’m 55, and haven’t had a period in almost 5 years, and I don’t miss it at all. I’m lucky not to have hot flashes though.

i miss mine only because the anxiety, hot flashes and everything else is not fun. lol 

however, i have started accpuncture and since then no hot flashes...I will take it. 

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2 hours ago, nst said:

 

however, i have started accpuncture and since then no hot flashes...I will take it. 

Ooooh - that's good to know. When I was trying to get pregnant - I did try accupuncture and for the first time in my adult life - I had regular cycles. 
I'm 48 (with, as it turns out, unexplained infertility) and still get my period regularly but it's good to know that I might be able to manage hot flashes etc with accupuncture again.

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Maybe Hillary Swank froze her eggs when she was younger.

Rich and famous celebrities live in ways we cannot sometimes even imagine. I don’t mean freezing eggs because the general population can and does do that. But the worlds of celebrities revolve differently. Much is on such a grand scale. I had a child in my 30s but cannot imagine being 48 and giving birth for the first time. Many wealthy, successful celebrities have such different realities; they have other rich friends and access to so much more than the average person with their high powered connections. I wish her well. Of course, plenty of male celebrities become older fathers and not much is made of it. George Clooney was 56 when his twins were born.

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7 hours ago, Meggo said:

Ooooh - that's good to know. When I was trying to get pregnant - I did try accupuncture and for the first time in my adult life - I had regular cycles. 
I'm 48 (with, as it turns out, unexplained infertility) and still get my period regularly but it's good to know that I might be able to manage hot flashes etc with accupuncture again.

it has worked wonders for me. I never had them to start when I was in menopause, i had anxiety, but then I got covid and bam I got hot flashes and heart palpitations for days on end all day it felt like, and I read up on it and bam I found an amazing acupuncture lady and now 7 weeks, only have 2 times. 

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My thoughts when I heard about Hillary was her younger self frozen eggs/embryos or donor eggs 

Miracle if it is her own 48 year old eggs 

I have also thought that about Nicole kidman and Sarah Jessica Parker who had late in life babes also 

None of my business but it does give some people misleading ideas that late in life babes are easy to come by for most people. 

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10 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

My thoughts when I heard about Hillary was her younger self frozen eggs/embryos or donor eggs 

Miracle if it is her own 48 year old eggs 

I have also thought that about Nicole kidman and Sarah Jessica Parker who had late in life babes also 

None of my business but it does give some people misleading ideas that late in life babes are easy to come by for most people. 

I think SJP had the twins with a surrogate with her eggs I bet. 

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34 minutes ago, nst said:

I think SJP had the twins with a surrogate with her eggs I bet. 

She did use a surrogate. Not sure about the eggs though. But I’ve seen pictures of her twins & one of them kind of looks like her. 

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A quick google shows a number of female celebs that have had babies after 40. For some it is their first time to give birth, for others it’s a continuation of having kids. Many of them are in their early 40s so Hillary at 48 is a bit more surprising. Altho Janet Jackson reportedly had a child at age 50. I worked with a woman who became a grandma at age 34. 

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17 hours ago, Cam said:

Maybe Hillary Swank froze her eggs when she was younger.

Rich and famous celebrities live in ways we cannot sometimes even imagine. I don’t mean freezing eggs because the general population can and does do that. But the worlds of celebrities revolve differently. Much is on such a grand scale. I had a child in my 30s but cannot imagine being 48 and giving birth for the first time. Many wealthy, successful celebrities have such different realities; they have other rich friends and access to so much more than the average person with their high powered connections. I wish her well. Of course, plenty of male celebrities become older fathers and not much is made of it. George Clooney was 56 when his twins were born.

I agree. It actually bothers me in some ways. Not freezing eggs. But the surrogacy. I hate that the Kardashians seem to be using surrogacy more. I know they say they had problems during pregnancy and that’s why they went with surrogacy. But us regular everyday folks would just have to stop having kids. Because we couldn’t afford a surrogate. Plus it makes me assume it’s going to become much more common for rich women to pay poorer women to carry their babies so they don’t have to “ruin their bodies” they can keep drinking and just keep living their lives while possibly taking advantage of these poorer women. I’m not saying this always happens with surrogacy. But I can see so many problems and taking advantage of poor women for your own advantage. 

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My friend had to use surrogates in order to have her children. She has a lot of health issue & can’t be off her medications for a long period of time. Her kids are 100% her & her husband’s biological children. Her father is very well off so he paid for the surrogacy. 

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2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I agree. It actually bothers me in some ways. Not freezing eggs. But the surrogacy. I hate that the Kardashians seem to be using surrogacy more. I know they say they had problems during pregnancy and that’s why they went with surrogacy. But us regular everyday folks would just have to stop having kids. Because we couldn’t afford a surrogate. Plus it makes me assume it’s going to become much more common for rich women to pay poorer women to carry their babies so they don’t have to “ruin their bodies” they can keep drinking and just keep living their lives while possibly taking advantage of these poorer women. I’m not saying this always happens with surrogacy. But I can see so many problems and taking advantage of poor women for your own advantage. 


I wouldn’t say surrogacy always involves “poor women”. I don’t think that’s the issue. Some women feel very called to be a surrogate, not because they need money. And don’t surrogates go through a screening process to be approved? 

I think the truth behind the idea that it’s “going to be” much more common for rich women to use surrogates is that it already *is* very common. I think it’s been going on for decades now. Plenty of wealthy women not wanting to take the time out to go through pregnancy or have it affect their body. Plus probably a status symbol. 

Remember that show “Wife Swap”? One episode was a wealthy married woman with a child who spent all her days going non-stop to exercise classes, volunteer meetings, lunches, dinner, drinks with friends, ect. The married, middle class stay-at-home mom who came to “live” the wealthy woman’s life for a week read the wealthy woman’s schedule and started weeping. She said, “When does she ever spend any time with her child?” Not sure why that popped into my head but there are all kinds of moms.

Edited by Cam
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46 minutes ago, Cam said:


I wouldn’t say surrogacy always involves “poor women”. I don’t think that’s the issue. Some women feel very called to be a surrogate, not because they need money. And don’t surrogates go through a screening process to be approved? 

I think the truth behind the idea that it’s “going to be” much more common for rich women to use surrogates is that it already *is* very common. I think it’s been going on for decades now. Plenty of wealthy women not wanting to take the time out to go through pregnancy or have it affect their body. Plus probably a status symbol. 

Remember that show “Wife Swap”? One episode was a wealthy married woman with a child who spent all her days going non-stop to exercise classes, volunteer meetings, lunches, dinner, drinks with friends, ect. The married, middle class stay-at-home mom who came to “live” the wealthy woman’s life for a week read the wealthy woman’s schedule and started weeping. She said, “When does she ever spend any time with her child?” Not sure why that popped into my head but there are all kinds of moms.

That’s why I said in my post “I’m not saying this always happens in surrogacy.” Yes, I do believe some women really want to do it. Especially a family member. I’ve seen plenty of grandmothers giving birth to their daughter’s child. That’s obviously not for money. But I think it’s easy to take advantage of poor women in these types of scenarios. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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Whilst not all surrogates are exploited, commercial surrogacy is exploitative and for that reason, it’s banned in most of the EU. Most Irish couples used Ukrainian women where it was legal, and there was a massive shock when war broke out. “Oh won’t somebody think of the Irish babies in Ukraine”. The surrogate mothers were an after thought. These women are reduced to knackering their bodies by becoming surrogates due to poverty. Nobody has a right to a child at any cost. It doesn’t sit well with me. 

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The surrogate that my friend used for her b/g twins was about our age (31/32 at the time). She had always wanted to be a surrogate. She came from more of a middle class background didn’t go to college & was married by the age of 20. My friend & her husband come from a more privileged background. They went to college & graduate school.  My friend & her family are Jewish & the first surrogate had never met a Jewish person till she met my friend. The second surrogate she used also had always wanted to be a surrogate but she came from more of upper class background. I’m in New Jersey & surrogacy unless it’s with a family member is illegal. Although they are now trying to change the rules. 

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I can’t say I know much about surrogacy. I do think, tho, that just as a very rich person has the resources necessary to get an abortion, they also would have resources for a surrogate. On some levels the wealthy may have similar problems as anyone else and on other levels their world revolves very differently than the average Joe or Josephine. 

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