Maxwell 53: Escaping the Borg by Marriage. Who'd Have Thought Sarah?

[Coconut Flan]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

If they don't at least acknowledge that she has married, they are NOT doing their brand any favors.

There is no "brand" any more.  They've retired.  They quit doing conferences, they quit publishing books, and lastly they shut down the blog.  They're done.  

As you later said, they don't care any more.  

[theologygeek]

7 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

There is no "brand" any more.  They've retired.  They quit doing conferences, they quit publishing books, and lastly they shut down the blog.  They're done.  

As you later said, they don't care any more.  

They were just at a homeschool conference last month.  https://rockymountainhomeschoolconference.com/organizer/steve-maxwell/

[Coconut Flan]

9 hours ago, theologygeek said:

They were just at a homeschool conference last month.  https://rockymountainhomeschoolconference.com/organizer/steve-maxwell/

Wow, that's the first one I've heard they've done in ages.  Also they were part of a large crowd of speakers.  Maybe they have some boxes of books in the garage they're still trying to unload.  They probably attached it to their trip to the mountains.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just imagine if Sarah and Kory have 1 kid and that’s it. That kid will probably get a decent homeschooling education. That child will not have to rely on a sister mom. That child will get lots of attention from their parents. It’s just weird to think of a Maxwell having an only child. 

[NoseyNellie]

50 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Just imagine if Sarah and Kory have 1 kid and that’s it. That kid will probably get a decent homeschooling education. That child will not have to rely on a sister mom. That child will get lots of attention from their parents. It’s just weird to think of a Maxwell having an only child. 

IF Sarah ( and Kory)  wants children I wish her Esther S luck and Maybe she can do Twins and done... and then can just focus on her blessings and not back to back pregnancies in her 40's  

[Bethy]

11 hours ago, theologygeek said:

They were just at a homeschool conference last month.  https://rockymountainhomeschoolconference.com/organizer/steve-maxwell/

Steve has mentioned speaking at some men's retreats in Seriously, but this is the first homeschool conference I've heard of since...the Uriah days? And if you hadn't spotted it, I wouldn't know. Obviously it wasn't announced on the blog and their "Events" section is empty.

I'd be curious (but not curious enough to invest any time or money in it) to know whether their Keeping Hearts spiel has changed at all in the last 15-20 years. I never heard the message itself, but from what they've said on the blog I thought it included letting your children have no friends other than brothers and sisters, no TV, no sports, no outside activities, and maybe the "only the Bible and selected Christian biographies" reading material was in there too? I wonder if they can see the lack of balance with a few years' hindsight, or if they're doubling down on it and think that only Christopher and NR-Anna are doing it right because only they seem to be toeing the Titus 2 line and the rest of their children are going to have big regrets for "straying."

Also, I'm wondering why the bio says they have 17 grandchildren. Maybe they were booked last summer, before Madeline's early arrival, so that was the accurate count at the time? But Nathan and Christopher have six each, and Joseph and John have three each, and that's 18, not 17.

[harkasquirrel]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Just imagine if Sarah and Kory have 1 kid and that’s it. That kid will probably get a decent homeschooling education. That child will not have to rely on a sister mom. That child will get lots of attention from their parents. It’s just weird to think of a Maxwell having an only child. 

Or they might go to public school like their dad did!

[MamaJunebug]

47 minutes ago, harkasquirrel said:

Or they might go to public school like their dad did!

Or a Lutheran school, or Christian academy, whatever that means. 
 

OK, friends, I need you to talk me down. I haven’t crashed a wedding in a decade.  And Kansas isn’t far. OF COURSE I wouldn’t “touch the poo.”  
 

But just as it was so good to see the captive Rebecca Serventude get sprung from her parents’ greedy grasp, it would be divine to see Sarah walk out of the room as her own woman married to a fellow of her own choosing. 
 

BUT I WILL NOT.  Have no fear. Don’t worry. I just had to get it off my chest. 
 

*Prepares to hit “reply,” humming the wedding March! 

[Lady Grass Lake]

On 7/12/2022 at 7:37 PM, Mela99 said:

I can just imagine her hyperventilating over two little old ladies sharing a recipe or something. What is so threatening that you don’t want them to speak?

My mother-in-law is famous in her Florida Retirement RV park for bringing some sour cream mashed potato casserole to potlucks.   My son was down there in April to drive their motorhome back to Michigan, when a lady from the park came to the door.  She asked MIL to share the recipe and MIL went all snotty and handed the lady a recipe card, told the lady she would have to make a copy of it by writing it down, but MIL didn't have pencil and paper to give her., and she would not let the lady take the card for awhile and bring it back.   

The lady just whipped out her iPhone, and took a photo of the recipe, and said thank you and left.  Son said MIL stood there speechless for a whole minute then started muttering under her breath.   MIL won't touch anything electronic, no computer, absolutely nothing other than a flip phone.  Son said it was all he could do to not snorting laugh at the whole situation.  

[Bethy]

Kory's church is having a shower for the happy couple this Saturday (was in the church announcements - you can see the slide at 3:48. It's another not-no-touch pic and Sarah's dress is practically sleeveless. My heart is so happy!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXLTRg8K4cw

That being said I wonder if anybody at the church has noticed or cares that there's usually only a handful of views of any given service, typically around 30, but that the deacon ordination service has over 300 and the camp report with the engagement in it has 2500...

 

[Jana814]

23 minutes ago, Bethy said:

Kory's church is having a shower for the happy couple this Saturday (was in the church announcements - you can see the slide at 3:48. It's another not-no-touch pic and Sarah's dress is practically sleeveless. My heart is so happy!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXLTRg8K4cw

 

 

Love the picture of Sarah & her Fiancé. I wonder if any of the Maxwell’s will be at the shower. 

[Hellothere]

I’m curious at how large the bridal party will be.  Will she want all her and his sisters and her SILs to be bridesmaids?  Will both fathers speak at the service? Will the reception have good food?

I’m not a fan of huge bridal parties, seems like such a  spectacle, but I guess that might be the norm in big families?  If I was her sister-in-law I’d be happy not to have to buy a probably not to my liking dress and just sit in the audience to support the couple!

and the food at past Maxwell weddings has just seemed very sad. Not very celebratory or special. John and Chelsea’s reception was visually attractive and had some fun aspects (cute coffee bar) but soup as the main entree is just…..wierd!

[Granwych]

I wonder if Steve and Teri will foot all, part, or little of the wedding costs.  There has been no mention of Sarah’s engagement in the latest mom and dad corners.

 I am really, really happy for Sarah.

[FunFunFundie]

7 hours ago, Bethy said:

I'd be curious (but not curious enough to invest any time or money in it) to know whether their Keeping Hearts spiel has changed at all in the last 15-20 years. I never heard the message itself, but from what they've said on the blog I thought it included letting your children have no friends other than brothers and sisters, no TV, no sports, no outside activities, and maybe the "only the Bible and selected Christian biographies" reading material was in there too? I wonder if they can see the lack of balance with a few years' hindsight, or if they're doubling down on it and think that only Christopher and NR-Anna are doing it right because only they seem to be toeing the Titus 2 line and the rest of their children are going to have big regrets for "straying."

I'm also curious about this. I read Keeping Their Hearts or whatever it was, and it was just as radical as you say: no friends, no organized anything, nothing outside the family. Youth group was not allowed. 

I would guess there are two streams of followers for the Maxwells: the first was interested in their homeschooling organization and their chore packs and whatnot, and the second was intersted in their isolation experience. I'm wondering if those who raised their kids like the Maxwells did look at the adult Maxwells and think "yes, I'm still on board with this."

[SPHASH]

2 hours ago, Hellothere said:

but soup as the main entree is just…..wierd!

This.

For all the bragging Chelsy did about guests coming from all over the country in the dead of winter you would think they could have served more than soup.  Granted there were some fixings to go with the taco soup but I felt it was still a skimpy meal.  Serve chili or knoephla if you want soup.

Edited July 17, 2022 by SPHASH

[fundiefan]

54 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

This.

For all the bragging Chelsy did about guests coming from all over the country in the dead of winter you would think they could have served more than soup.  Granted there were some fixings to go with the taco soup but I felt it was still a skimpy meal.  Serve chili or knoephla if you want soup.

To me, soup says "church dinner to raise money"- like spaghetti Wednesday or fish fry Friday. It does not say wedding. 

It was better than most Maxwell weddings but it was still Wednesday night food, not wedding celebration food. 

Especially, as you said, given the number of people who came from great distances, on New Years Eve, in a snowstorm & sub zero temps. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by fundiefan

[Foursquare]

Sarah is leaning into Kory in the shower announcement picture.  I'm so happy for her.  Surely the ladies at the Leavenworth church will put together a shower for her, since she was active there for a while.  And I hope Steve gets it together enough to walk his oldest (and most long suffering) daughter down the aisle with a smile.

 

[Bethy]

4 hours ago, Hellothere said:

I’m curious at how large the bridal party will be.  Will she want all her and his sisters and her SILs to be bridesmaids?  Will both fathers speak at the service? Will the reception have good food?

I can't answer most of that for you but I can tell you both fathers will not speak at the service, as we've found a fairly-recent obituary for Kory's dad. Hopefully Steve will realize his bloviating would rub salt in the wound and stay silent.

1 hour ago, SPHASH said:

For all the bragging Chelsy did about guests coming from all over the country in the dead of winter you would think they could have served more than soup.  Granted there were some fixings to go with the taco soup but I felt it was still a skimpy meal.  Serve chili or knoephla if you want soup.

She was the first Bont daughter to get married, right? She probably had to be careful not to set the bar too high for her sisters (family friends come to expect a similar spread at each sibling's wedding) even if she had the financial means to do it. And yes, soup was kind of an odd meal for a wedding, but at least it was hot - I was at a New Year's wedding in a cold climate once that served cold Subway sandwiches sliced up - and it was FOOD. I don't recall reading the specifics on Nathan's wedding food (save for Mel eating yogurt while they drove around) but all they served at Christopher's was cake. And yeah, a bowl of soup is a rather small food offering for folks coming from all over the country, but they came from all over the country for Christopher and NR-Anna too, and all they got was one piece of plain white cake with plain white frosting. I don't remember Joe and Elissa's wedding reception writeup at all. And then the most recent Anna didn't even get a reception at all and they had to hand out tiny wrapped cakes to the guests, because that's what you do when there's a pandemic but you have to get married according to schedule and can't wait...

[SolomonFundy]

12 hours ago, Bethy said:

Kory's church is having a shower for the happy couple this Saturday (was in the church announcements - you can see the slide at 3:48. It's another not-no-touch pic and Sarah's dress is practically sleeveless. My heart is so happy!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXLTRg8K4cw

The 70's porn font is an especially great touch.

That aside, Sarah looks radiantly happy, and it makes me so glad. It also makes me all the ragey at Teri's stupid little birthday note a few years ago acknowledging that, though Sarah had HOPED for a marriage for the better part of two decades, obviously God just didn't want it for her.

It's so telling that the moment the Maxwell femmes were sprung from the Maiden Vault, they almost immediately found new communities and (apparently) love. Teri and Steve have stolen so much from their children's lives.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

14 hours ago, Bethy said:

Kory's church is having a shower for the happy couple this Saturday (was in the church announcements - you can see the slide at 3:48. It's another not-no-touch pic and Sarah's dress is practically sleeveless. My heart is so happy!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXLTRg8K4cw

That being said I wonder if anybody at the church has noticed or cares that there's usually only a handful of views of any given service, typically around 30, but that the deacon ordination service has over 300 and the camp report with the engagement in it has 2500...

 

I notice this church has calls their men's bible study "Heart of a Warrior.' It reminds me of all the fundie manly men, courageous men, etc. 

Sarah is one of 8 kids and Kory is one of 11 kids. I wonder if they'll adopt to get the numbers up. Hopefully Sarah will a say in the family size.

I think Sarah's family will come. Steve and Teri will probably be there, because people will talk if they don't go to their daughter's wedding. 

[Bethy]

14 hours ago, Hellothere said:

I’m curious at how large the bridal party will be.  Will she want all her and his sisters and her SILs to be bridesmaids?  Will both fathers speak at the service? Will the reception have good food?

I’m not a fan of huge bridal parties, seems like such a  spectacle, but I guess that might be the norm in big families?  If I was her sister-in-law I’d be happy not to have to buy a probably not to my liking dress and just sit in the audience to support the couple!

The more I'm thinking about the bridal party, the more I'm sad for Sarah. On two levels - first, because she's older, it may be harder to round up a long line of bridesmaids a la Chelsy. By the time they're in their forties, most fundie ladies have been married for a decade or two and have scads of little kids they have to take care of. Depending on their family structure, they may or may not have the means (aka "sister moms" to wrangle those all those kids so they can stand there and look pretty for an hour. And depending on the toll all those years of childbirthing have taken, they may not feel comfortable being a bridesmaid anyway - heck, I'm in my early 40s and "stand there and look pretty" would be a hard sell for me right now and I haven't got a big flock of blessings, I'm just fat and tired. But that brings me to the second level - friends. After growing up in a family that was all about "keeping their children's hearts" and banning friendships, does she even HAVE a cherished childhood friend or two who have been waiting for the chance to stand up with her and are so excited that the day is here? Or does she just have her sisters and SILs, and some taller nieces, and Kory's family to choose from? Hopefully she and Kory are in agreement about the number in the bridal party and neither side is feeling pressure to find more attendants to balance both sides of the photos.

We may never know, depending on what gets published online and by whom. I'm just thinking back on being a somewhat "older" bride and trying to find bridesmaids, and wondering how much harder it may be for Sarah.

2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I think Sarah's family will come. Steve and Teri will probably be there, because people will talk if they don't go to their daughter's wedding. 

The one I'm curious about is Christopher, as he seems the most strait-laced of the bunch. As a wedding photographer, it follows logically that he might be doing pictures, but - does she meet the criteria? I just looked at CMax's wedding photography guidelines, and modest dresses are still required for any wedding he shoots, as well as no alcohol and no dancing. I don't imagine the Maxwells would want dancing, even a father-daughter dance, but I've been surprised before at big fundie families including dancing in their day (including one really touching one where the mother of the groom had recently passed, and so the mother/son dance began with the groom and his oldest sister, and every one of the successive sisters "cut in" to dance with the brother.) So just because they're fundies doesn't mean they wouldn't want dancing. 

I do seem to remember CMax requiring that any wedding he photographed be the first marriage for both parties, and I don't see that on the site anymore. However, "synergy" is the first criteria, which is probably a catch-all category he uses to weed out any couples he deems unsuitable for his services.

[HereticHick]

3 hours ago, Bethy said:

The more I'm thinking about the bridal party, the more I'm sad for Sarah. On two levels - first, because she's older, it may be harder to round up a long line of bridesmaids a la Chelsy. 

We don't know that Sarah wants a big bridal party. I certainly did not. You can still celebrate with family and friends; it doesn't have to be mandatory to parade down the aisle with a whole court of attendants.

I'm pleased that the El Reno Church is throwing a shower for the couple, not just the bride.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I just hope Sarah has the wedding she wants. Whether it’s big or small, fancy of casual, serious or fun. She’s been in many weddings. I bet she has a good idea of what she wants. And hopefully that’s what she gets. 

[Black Aliss]

14 hours ago, Bethy said:

Hopefully Steve will realize his bloviating would rub salt in the wound and stay silent.

He'd have to find a different topic from "The <bride/groom> wouldn't even be here if I hadn't had my vasectomy reversed"

I'm thinking it might be a very small wedding, paid for by Sarah and Kory. It will be interesting to see where they are married--the church in Leavenworth or Trinity Baptist.

6 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Sarah is one of 8 kids and Kory is one of 11 kids. I wonder if they'll adopt to get the numbers up. Hopefully Sarah will a say in the family size.

It's possible that their own childhood experiences of growing up in a large family might have them in agreement on two, one, or no kids at all.

[thoughtful]

21 hours ago, Bethy said:

Kory's church is having a shower for the happy couple this Saturday (was in the church announcements - you can see the slide at 3:48.

Here 'tis!

Also, late to the conversation about Maxwell food. I also thought their baked good recipes sounded good, but everything else unappealing.

But one aspect of the conversations people have about bad food never reaches me - the idea that lack of hot spiciness = lack of flavor or bland, unadventurous cooking.

I cannot tolerate hot peppers and similar foods - they cause pain! Even strong mint flavor actually hurts. And I am one of those no-cilantro folks. Doesn't mean I'm dull, white-bread, unsophisticated, unadventurous or don't like interesting flavors. These things are physical, no more indicative of worldview than being short or tall.

The Maxwells' burrito recipe sounds disgusting to me for a lot of reasons, but it doesn't sound "bland" - those jalapenos would burn the heck out of me. And I would have gone hungry at Chelsy's wedding, because I assume taco soup would have some of the flavors I can't tolerate.

Speaking specifically of the Maxwells, I do think their fear of anything outside their worldview does match up with the possibility that they'd shy away from foods from other cultures. But dislike of hot and spicy things is not a universal sign of anything restrictive or unadventurous in a person's nature.