M Is for Mama 13: Taking Selfies to Glorify the Lord

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

On 6/29/2022 at 7:14 PM, 4boysmum said:

We lost #3 of the 4 boys last July.  He was four years old.  He had a cardiac issue that we were unaware of, but even if it had been found during his life it would probably have postponed the outcome but not prevented it.  One of the first things I thought of in the aftermath, and that I come back to often, is this bit from the book where Anne's firstborn dies:

"Anne found that she could go on living; the day came when she even smiled again over one of Miss Cornelia's speeches.  But there was something in the smile that had never been in Anne's smile before and would never be absent from it again."

Coming back to the thread topic... I am Abbie's age and had my youngest right around the same time as her twin boys and just about everything she posts is annoying.  I can't even.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine (but will cuddle my lil bub extra tight). Wishing you a strong community to love and support you.

[danvillebelle]

Ezra is going away for 2 weeks, presumably to some kind of camp.  Braggie said "I'm drowning my sorrows in mint chocolate chip".

The only reason she's sad is because her #1 toddler wrangler is not going to be around.  

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

Ezra is going away for 2 weeks, presumably to some kind of camp.  Braggie said "I'm drowning my sorrows in mint chocolate chip".

The only reason she's sad is because her #1 toddler wrangler is not going to be around.  

Exactly. That child does more parenting than Braggie’s husband.

[bea]

You’d think “the state won’t give you a kid because you’ve already got TOO MANY” would be an eye-opener.
But not for this sanctimonious b!tch.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

4 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Ezra is going away for 2 weeks,

I suspect it won't matter to him how strict the camp rules are.. He'll have 2 glorious weeks of freedom from being BroDad. 

Anyone think Shaun will pick up the slack or will it all fall on Simon?

Survey of moi says ............ Simon.

Edited to add -- Maybe this will get Ezra thinking that if he moves away at 18 he'd never have to be BroDad again.

[JDuggs]

The Highland Park, Illinois Fourth of July parade shooting took place right between two places (Anthropologie and restaurant) within blocks of each other that Abbie visited on her trip to Chicago last month. I’m wondering if she’ll mention it.

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I suspect it won't matter to him how strict the camp rules are.. He'll have 2 glorious weeks of freedom from being BroDad. 

Anyone think Shaun will pick up the slack or will it all fall on Simon?

Survey of moi says ............ Simon.

Edited to add -- Maybe this will get Ezra thinking that if he moves away at 18 he'd never have to be BroDad again.

I'm not entirely convinced that Shaun even know how to parent his children. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

7 hours ago, SuperNova said:

'm not entirely convinced that Shaun even know how wants to parent his children. 

FTFY

[Snarkasarus Rex]

54 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

FTFY

Yep, methinks the only reason they have so many is because he’ll keep appeasing her as long as he is allowed to be Fun Dad. 

Edited July 5, 2022 by Snarkasarus Rex

[SuperNova]

Tell me you have more kids than you can parent without actually saying it.

"Apparently, my middle boys got the memo that we were nearing the celebration of our country’s more rebellious/combative tendencies and decided to celebrate with shiners (Shiloh got his from Honor; Honor,
whose is hidden by his bangs, got his from Theo, and Theo somehow got off scot-free)."

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SuperNova said:

Tell me you have more kids than you can parent without actually saying it.

"Apparently, my middle boys got the memo that we were nearing the celebration of our country’s more rebellious/combative tendencies and decided to celebrate with shiners (Shiloh got his from Honor; Honor,
whose is hidden by his bangs, got his from Theo, and Theo somehow got off scot-free)."

My boys are rough but they have never given each other black eyes. She’s so neglectful. 

[danvillebelle]

Seems like her "gentleness challenges" haven't quite taken with the boys. 

[neuroticcat]

5 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Tell me you have more kids than you can parent without actually saying it.

"Apparently, my middle boys got the memo that we were nearing the celebration of our country’s more rebellious/combative tendencies and decided to celebrate with shiners (Shiloh got his from Honor; Honor,
whose is hidden by his bangs, got his from Theo, and Theo somehow got off scot-free)."

That actually worries me a bit. I have several sons and, yes, wrestling and rough and tumble are par for the course,  and I get that parents can’t prevent all accidents. 
 

But hitting each other in the face so as to get two black eyes somehow and a mom who laughs it off? That is unsettling. 😟

 

Also trying to tie it in somehow with patriotism for manly, violent ‘America? 🙄

[danvillebelle]

12 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

But hitting each other in the face so as to get two black eyes somehow and a mom who laughs it off? That is unsettling. 😟

The small hints that she lets slip here and there, like this and the time a few months ago when one of the twins got a shiner because Shiloh climbed his highchair and toppled it (while adults were right there but apparently oblivious), makes me think there are FAR more fights and injuries than she dares let on to her leghumpers.  

The look in Shiloh's eyes and his impulsiveness that I've seen in some of her reels gives me pause.  Understand, I am NOT blaming Shiloh himself for anything.  But I think he is an extremely focused, stubborn, completely fearless kid, and that kind of temperament needs FAR more supervision and proactive parenting than he obviously gets.  She talks shit about him constantly because he proves that she's not parenting as well as she trumpets from her craptastic barn rooftop.

BTW, coincidence that the boys fought and bruised each other *the day* or the day after Ezra left?  I think not.

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by danvillebelle

[anachronistic]

Of course the kids were upset when their parent went away. All kids are.

She got mad at her older kids because they didn’t dress the younger kids warmly enough. She only discovered this when they got to their destination, which means that she isn’t even responsible for putting them in their car seats. (And if Shaun is, he is oblivious to how to dress kids warmly enough.) Car seats are hard as heck to deal with. I’d never let a teenager put babies in them and drive off without at least checking that the straps were tight enough. (You’re only supposed to be able to wiggle one or two fingers in between, and the chest buckle needs to fall at a certain place.) Abby wouldn’t have to worry about forgiving her kids if she allowed them to be kids in the first place and not parents.

Grandkid 2 got an enormous black eye last summer after running smack dab into a piece of playground equipment at daycare. It involved a call to the parents and the doctor and documentation of it. It was truly gnarly looking - Kid got over it, but my heart hurt looking at them. Black eyes on kids should, in my opinion, make adults feel bad, because they’re a serious thing. They’re not a scraped knee. Some may need medical attention.

[danvillebelle]

34 minutes ago, anachronistic said:

She got mad at her older kids because they didn’t dress the younger kids warmly enough. She only discovered this when they got to their destination, which means that she isn’t even responsible for putting them in their car seats. (And if Shaun is, he is oblivious to how to dress kids warmly enough.)

This is just incomprehensible to me.  It illustrates how truly far she and Shaun are checked out and have handed over nearly FULL responsibility for the babies to their siblings.

[danvillebelle]

The only conclusion I can draw from the fawning, adoring comments on her not dressing the babies for the cold post, is that most of her leghumpers are as lackadaisical as she is and also delegate an immense amount of parenting to their older children. 

My oldest was a dad trapped in a child's body from the age of about 6.  He *desperately* wanted to parent his younger siblings and tried to do so every chance he got.  We never let him and constantly reprimanded him for it, because it WASN'T HIS FREAKING JOB TO BE THEIR PARENT.  (Postscript: now that he actually is a dad, he's amazing at it LOL)

Edited July 6, 2022 by danvillebelle

[EmiSue]

35 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

 

My oldest was a dad trapped in a child's body from the age of about 6.  He *desperately* wanted to parent his younger siblings and tried to do so every chance he got.  We never let him and constantly reprimanded him for it, because it WASN'T HIS FREAKING JOB TO BE THEIR PARENT.  (Postscript: now that he actually is a dad, he's amazing at it LOL)

Do we somehow have the same first-born? My 7yo tries to parent his 3yo sister all day every day. You just gave my hope for the distant future! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My 9 year old always tries to parent my 7 year old. It drives us crazy. My older sister grounded me when I was a toddler and she was 5. She definitely tried to parent me. Without success since I’m so damn stubborn. 

[bea]

I admit, I unsubscribed from her on Insta. The glee surrounding the abolition of bodily autonomy, by someone who has more children than they can actually take care of, was just too much to stomach.

[theotherelise]

I can't imagine not having a couple extra pairs of pants in the diaper bag when going hiking with two 21 month olds. 

I always dislike when Abbie responds to questions people ask about how she does XYZ with 10 kids and she just dismisses it like "10 kids isn't that different, we're just consistent and the kids get along so well with each other." She says that about baby sleep and nursing and school and sibling relationships and extracurriculars - no big deal, it's hard but hard is not the same as bad. But then the truth slips out that actually the kids don't get along so well and the babies don't sleep and the school stuff mostly happens at coop and the adventures are purely privilege and filled with negligence.

 

[neuroticcat]

Yeah the post with the clothes was 🤯 The fact that she said the older kids were dressing the youngest while she was putting together snacks makes it sound like they are all one big happy working team. But, dude, it is way more age appropriate for teenagers to be helping pack a bag of snacks than parenting multiple toddlers. 

Not seeing what your toddlers are wearing (likely means teen/tween siblings are strapping car seats, changing diapers, combing hair, etc) until arrival…and then being upset the teens/tweens didn’t do it right….AND deciding that was a time to post your exemplary wisdom for everyone to benefit from. Just wow.

She wrote that she apologized and it was so straightforward and easy and kids are so forgiving and - wow - there is going to be a big bill coming due when those kids reach age.

I will never understand how the influencer parents at least aren’t aware of deconstructing adults who were homeschooled and why they never see their families of origin, 

[Ozlsn]

16 hours ago, theotherelise said:

I can't imagine not having a couple extra pairs of pants in the diaper bag when going hiking with two 21 month olds.

Extra pants, at least one full change of clothes, a pullover.. when my child started school I did a clean out of the bags I had in the car and found three bags with at least one, sometimes two, full changes of clothes that I'd put in when we went somewhere and forgot to take out. Even now he's going to schiol holiday program with a spare set in his bag (so far he's come home in different clothes twice in 7 days.) I can't get over the idea that there wasn't extra layers for the three youngest in the car somewhere already, and that she didn't grab a bag with a spare set of everything for those three at least on the way out.

 

[NotQuiteMotY]

I looked at the underdressed kids post and geez! Their poor legs!

I can't get over it. Not only did she not dress her littles or put them in the car seat, she also didn't pick out their clothes or pack the diaper bag. Unless I'm having brain fade I pack extra clothes that can be changed into/thrown on. And my older kid knows to ask how warm it'll be so he can pick something appropriate for himself. Did she literally ONLY pack snacks? Could their actual dad not have checked either?

I think it's an oldest-kid thing to try to parent. I can't count the number of times I have to remind Eldest Son that he doesn't get to dictate things to Youngest Son.

[SuperNova]

20 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

She wrote that she apologized and it was so straightforward and easy and kids are so forgiving and - wow - there is going to be a big bill coming due when those kids reach age.

There comes a time when dealing with abusive narcs that an apology means nothing at all. Apologies need to be backed by actual effort to change and it's not apparent that she makes any effort to be better. I think humbling herself to her children and apologizing is very unnatural to Abbie. Its like she's saying, see? I was a raging bitch but it's fine because the kids forgave me. But Abbie's children currently have no choice but to accept the apology and move on to keep the peace. I hope for their sakes that they see through this when they're adults.

3 hours ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

Did she literally ONLY pack snacks? Could their actual dad not have checked either?

This is what floors me about these big families. The order of every day is delegate, delegate, delegate while taking the easiest job for yourself. When it comes to the Halberstadts the eternal question is, where is Shaun in all this mess? Only two possibilities here. First is most likely, Shaun is never around. He's locked in his office, or taking only his oldest sons on a 10 day trip, or away on one of his endless business trips. Second possibility, he's actually always around getting his hands dirty, parenting all the children and is a behind the scenes, super supportive and amazing dad. It was hard typing that with a straight face.

Edited July 7, 2022 by SuperNova