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M Is for Mama 13: Taking Selfies to Glorify the Lord


nelliebelle1197

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The thing is, securely attached children are the ones that are usually ok to be left with another caregiver. It is normal childhood development for teens to want some personal space and want to spend time with friends. Simon was just gone for ten fucking days with his brother and dad. That’s a long time to be away from Braggie. Was she bothered that he was fine away from her? I likely won’t ever spend 10 days away from my underage kids. Does that mean I’m a better parent than her? My kids love spending time with me and we are a bunch of heathen agnostics. They love to go play with their friends and then come hang out with me. What will she do when these kids grow up and have families of their own? Will she get pissy when they are too busy to call her all the time? I bet she will. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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Ugh, the blindness to the pressure and spiritual abuse on those kids: Dance with your mom on Instagram or you’re not glorifying God. Feel guilty for developmentally normal things like not wanting to dance with your mom. Whatever Abbie’s Understanding and practice of godly family life is, should be adopted by everyone else. Moms should see this and then worry that their teenage son doesn’t want to do that or to try and coerce their teenage children into that kind of closeness.So gross.

I find this text interesting paired with yesterday’s stories where someone asked a question about bedtime. She said it takes 15 minutes to do the entire bedtime routine for all younger kids, because kids are helping get other kids PJs, different kids rotate putting the twins to bed,  only Shiloh requires actual bedtime routine and they all rotate that. 

I think I could tolerate a practical truthfulness: like there’s so many of us everyone pitches in and we get it done. But the constant God speak and spiritualizing of big family logistics and the costs of that is just awful. I want to know how contemporary quiver full fundie families do these things and think they are somehow exempt to the inevitable consequences. Have they just never read homeschoolers anonymous or met a deconstructed fundie?

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I can’t imagine making my other kids do bedtime for the babies and toddlers of the family. That’s just foreign to me. Making your kids take on parenting roles every night is fucked up. Doesn’t she want to spend time with her kids at bed time? That’s when most heathen parents I know connect with their small children. They read stories together, snuggle, etc. my seven year old just started reading to himself before bed instead of me reading to him. I still lay there and listen to him. And yes I lay there until he falls asleep. I don’t think that’s necessary at all but I do it. I guess just out of habit. Eventually he will probably tell me he’s too big for that, lol. 

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Me too! Because at some point the window for stories and snuggles closes and they just say goodnight and go off to bed on their own. As they should! But man! They are missing out. 

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1 hour ago, neuroticcat said:

Me too! Because at some point the window for stories and snuggles closes and they just say goodnight and go off to bed on their own. As they should! But man! They are missing out. 

Before long *you* say goodnight and go off to bed. And they stay up making snacks for themselves and watching too much TV while you are sleeping.

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FFS. Bedtime is one of the best parts of small kids. They are (often) clean and sweet smelling and snuggly and the cool air comes in through the windows and you sit there and read and talk and it’s just….so nice. Helping with bedtime is one of my favorite things to do when I’m with my niblings. Obviously I can’t put the babies to bed because the 1 year old and the infant still nurse to sleep but there is no bigger love than when a kid asks *you* to read them a bedtime story. (Especially when you get to pick out one of your favorite books to read to them.)

Heck, I’m 38, and when I stay over at my moms we still have our bedtime rituals. She tells me she’s taking out her hearing aids and going to bed, I say yes, she says WHAT, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I JUST TOOK OUT MY HEARING AIDS. We hug, exchange I love yours, check that someone locked up and didn’t leave the screen door open. It would never occur to me to go to bed without doing good nights to my family, but I bet it’s not unusual at all for Abbies kids to just say it to their siblings, not their parents. 
 

ETA: when I say bedtime, I mean that specific time. Not 10-20-30 minutes later when they pop up with questions, requests, songs, etc. Not 2 or 3 or 5 am. I’m not a parent, I never will be, I skip all that. I just do bedtimes. Sleep time is a whole different thing.

Edited by anachronistic
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I love hearing everyone's stories about bedtime routine. It's been a very long time since baby Nova was little and bedtime memories are some of the sweetest. She was an early reader and I would lay with her while she read me a stack of books. We would have a bargaining session on how many books she could read to me and we would usually end up at 3 or 4 depending on length. After reading she would sometimes get "hungry" which I'm sure was a stalling tactic but I indulged her anyway and would bring her a half of a PB&J with some milk. She would eat it and chatter happily while I sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to finish. Then she would go right to sleep. Later on I would read aloud from chapter books while she listened until she fell asleep. Eventually when she was in high school and too grown up for that, she would read to me whatever book was assigned while I cooked. I miss it so much.

Edited by SuperNova
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Bedtime is just the most special part of the day!  My husband loves the baby snuggles so he puts our youngest son (17 months) to bed, and I spend about an hour and a half doing goodnight routines with our two daughters (7 and 9).  The 7 year old needs a lot of time to wind down, so I usually read or colour with her before tucking her in and chatting for a while before she is finally ready to go to sleep.  My oldest daughter loves going for walks before bed, so she and I will usually go out for 20 minutes or so and get a little walk in before I tuck her in as well. I still sing them both songs (I am just not ready to let go if that yet), and I usually end up telling each of them a little story as well about fairies and gnomes and their stuffed animals. It gets a little silly usually, but I love it so much! 

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When my oldest was a wee one he insisted I sing "Silent Night" to him every night after I turned off the lights but before I left the room.  It's a sweet memory we both cherish.  

When I was little, my dad and I had this thing we called "tucking me down" where he would grab my shoulders and gently but forcefully push me into the bed several times and it made me laugh hysterically.  He'd also say "Goodnight...and don't let the bed bugs bite" in a Paul Lynde voice as he left the room.  I could not go to sleep without either. ❤️

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I love all the bedtime routine stories. My son used to have a Little People school bus that sung, “Be nice, be nice, not just once or twice (and so on)” that I turned into a good night song. It always starts with, “Good night, sleep tight” but then I change the rest almost every time. Sometimes it’s silly and other times it’s aimed to comfort. If I don’t sing it then my 7yo will remind me. I know I don’t have much time left of him asking. Hopefully the baby likes it just as much so I get another 7 years of singing it. 

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I still tuck in both my kids and they’re teenagers.
Older kid said “mom, I’m going to miss you tucking me in when I go to college.” last night.

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Bedtime was my favorite too. The ritual, the smell of bath time, the teeth-brushing and reading books. I just got a baby lotion to use on my hands at night, because I love that smell so much and it will always remind me of when my girls were all little. 

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Beyond the first 1 or 2 does anyone think JB/M or KJ/G ever tucked their kids in with a non Biblical story, back rub and an I love you? Do you think kid #11/19 was every tucked in by a birth parent in either of those homes?

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17 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Beyond the first 1 or 2 does anyone think JB/M or KJ/G ever tucked their kids in with a non Biblical story, back rub and an I love you? Do you think kid #11/19 was every tucked in by a birth parent in either of those homes?

My opinion of those two families in particular is that they didn’t have real bed time routines with the kids. My guess is that they had group Bible time before bed in their living room. Some of the little ones would probably fall asleep during that time or not long after and were taken upstairs and put in bed. I doubt there was a set bedtime where the children were tucked in and given individual attention. The Duggars weren’t known for getting up early and I think this is a huge part of it. The kids probably stay up late and it differs each night. So one night they might fall asleep by ten and the next night they are up until 12am. We know JillRod is like this as well. 

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IMO - Braggie has to continually keep ragging on secular culture and proclaiming that her way is better...because she is trying to convince HERSELF.  Because way, deep down, possibly at a subconscious level, she knows she is not living the life she really wanted or wants.  I will always maintain she'd have been happy as a clam as a childless/1-2 children full time interior decorator.  If she admitted that all of us non-fundies/non-christians are just as good as she is with our kids, her mental house of cards and sanctification would come crashing down.

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30 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

IMO - Braggie has to continually keep ragging on secular culture and proclaiming that her way is better...because she is trying to convince HERSELF.  Because way, deep down, possibly at a subconscious level, she knows she is not living the life she really wanted or wants.  I will always maintain she'd have been happy as a clam as a childless/1-2 children full time interior decorator.  If she admitted that all of us non-fundies/non-christians are just as good as she is with our kids, her mental house of cards and sanctification would come crashing down.

She reminds me of Zoo in that way. I often think Zoo is trying to convince herself she loves her life. Even though they constantly get death threats, are SWATed, friends leave the church constantly, and pregnancies are very hard on her. 

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4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My opinion of those two families in particular is that they didn’t have real bed time routines with the kids. My guess is that they had group Bible time before bed in their living room. Some of the little ones would probably fall asleep during that time or not long after and were taken upstairs and put in bed. I doubt there was a set bedtime where the children were tucked in and given individual attention. The Duggars weren’t known for getting up early and I think this is a huge part of it. The kids probably stay up late and it differs each night. So one night they might fall asleep by ten and the next night they are up until 12am. We know JillRod is like this as well. 

Yes! I think they were quite open about this as well. There were  always still photos or times in the show and the younger kids were just conked out on a sofa or some thing. So I think as the older kids enter the teen years the younger ones don’t really have bedtime. If they did, was probably just that after Bible time everybody trotted off to bed. I remember the episode where they moved into the new house and it showed Michelle and the older girls like Having bedtime together. It was really weird and totally staged. 

Today Abby is posting about clearing out all their toys down to like six or seven small Tupperware containers plus legos. It is noticeably minimalistic for one child let alone that many children. I am guessing she’s posting it to show how impressive her organizational skills are, with the usual humble brag that it’s taking her so long to get around to doing it, and invite Questions where she can opine on the value of minimalistic toys and entertainment for children. I am big on organizing and letting go of unnecessary things, so good for her, but I hate the Idolization of self denial part of fundieness so much. Why is denying your children something good a virtue?

Edited by neuroticcat
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How does spending all your time cleaning closets, wallpapering appliances or setting up an off white, matchy match home school classroom (Alyssa W), while simultaneously either ignoring or ranting at your many kids, make you a nurturing mother, decent homeschooler or superior Christian?

STHU the lot of you!

I despise people/influencers who think the rest of us are stupid. Listen Abbie, we know you don’t spend 5 healthy seconds with those kids. We know because of the things you continually post to SM. There are only 24 hours in a day and between your primping, shopping, SM ranting, gym and dates there is no time for nurturing 10 kids. Alyssa W., your WHITE home is spotless and you have 4 small kids. There is no way that you are not a slave to cleaning and ranting if a spot of fruit juice gets spilled on those white dining room chairs. Where are your kids when you’re compulsively cleaning (because you grew up in an overcrowded pig sty)? Again, stop treating your audience as if we are devoid of any common sense or logic.

Edited by SassyPants
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21 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

Yes! I think they were quite open about this as well. There were  always still photos or times in the show and the younger kids were just conked out on a sofa or some thing. So I think as the older kids enter the teen years the younger ones don’t really have bedtime. If they did, was probably just that after Bible time everybody trotted off to bed. I remember the episode where they moved into the new house and it showed Michelle and the older girls like Having bedtime together. It was really weird and totally staged. 

Today Abby is posting about clearing out all their toys down to like six or seven small Tupperware containers plus legos. It is noticeably minimalistic for one child let alone that many children. I am guessing she’s posting it to show how impressive her organizational skills are, with the usual humble brag that it’s taking her so long to get around to doing it, and invite Questions where she can opine on the value of minimalistic toys and entertainment for children. I am big on organizing and letting go of unnecessary things, so good for her, but I hate the Idolization of self denial part of fundieness so much. Why is denying your children something good a virtue?

I’m sure if we investigated the whole house, we would find many more toys than she is listing. 

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Toys have probably gone the way of the dog and cats. Have we seen them recently?

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Braggie has an enormous house. It’s very easy to look minimalistic with toys when you have a giant house. There are some rooms we rarely ever see on her Instagram. I would guess there are some toys hiding in those places. Why would kids need toys when they are busy doing chores and taking care of their siblings all day. They don’t have time to play anyway. 

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I think the dog and the outside cats are still there - she just never, ever posts photos of them because she's so obviously NOT an animal person.  I'm sure if she had her way there would be no animals.

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Her “going minimalist” on the kids’ toys reminds me of a defunct blog called “The Lazy Organizer.” She pared her kids’ clothes, toys, and personal effects down to a frighteningly bare minimum. Worse, she fed her kids mostly veggie, low-fat meals—but not in a healthy way. She had her kids fill up on plain boiled potatoes and actually said they could get plenty of nutrition from low-carb vegetables “the way cows do.” Honey, cows digest cellulose but human beings can’t. She took her show on the road and had thousands of adoring fans before she dropped off the map.

Edited by Hane
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Even the magnatiles box on her story is nearly empty! I can’t imagine being an active toddler or preschooler needing play stimulation in their house. No wonder she’s always on shilohs case. 

I’m not saying Courtney Rogers is to be admired, BUT my goodness her social media is so much more tolerable. I still do not believe her children get the one on one attention they need. She does seem to like them all though! And she doesn’t preach her parenthood as gospel on social. I have probably said this all before, so I’ll see myself to the prayer closet now!

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2 minutes ago, theotherelise said:

Even the magnatiles box on her story is nearly empty! I can’t imagine being an active toddler or preschooler needing play stimulation in their house. No wonder she’s always on shilohs case. 

I’m not saying Courtney Rogers is to be admired, BUT my goodness her social media is so much more tolerable. I still do not believe her children get the one on one attention they need. She does seem to like them all though! And she doesn’t preach her parenthood as gospel on social. I have probably said this all before, so I’ll see myself to the prayer closet now!

Oh I agree. I don’t like Courtney for a number of reasons. But at least she isn’t pushing her life on everyone else. Acting like she’s the bedrest Christian and if you aren’t like her, then you are just less than. Braggie is just another level of narcissist. 

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