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Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People


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2 hours ago, postscript said:

Good thing they don't remember, since he says the same thing every time. 

Don't remember, don't listen... Could be either. The important thing is being seen to attend, not actually doing anything.

2 hours ago, postscript said:

Peter was nekkid?  I don't recall that part of the story.  Now I'm picturing Peter sunbathing on a yacht in the Mediterranean

According to the NRSV he was indeed naked:

Spoiler

Just after daybreak, Jesus stood on the beach; but the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. 5 Jesus said to them, “Children, you have no fish, have you?” They answered him, “No.” 6 He said to them, “Cast the net to the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in because there were so many fish. 7 That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on some clothes, for he was naked, and jumped into the sea. 8 But the other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, only about a hundred yards[b] off.

I'm wondering if they worked mostly in the bare minimum of clothing - fishing being hard and dirty work. Generally putting on clothes before jumping into the sea isn't the order people do it though. 

And still nothing about him cursing, although I suspect everyone else on the boat may have after he left them to drag in the net.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Ah wouldn't have a problem with drums, if they was played right. HAYMUN!"

... together with the fife and the bagpipes presumably? 

I suspect he means on the beat in a 4/4 rhythm with no flourishes and not too fast/slow/loud.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Back to yelling, "Listen hey - ahmanna tell ya raht now, ah think we ought to be able to injoy ourselves, amen?

And yet he rails against everyone doing just that in a manner of which he does not approve. Also that was an entirely confusing segue.

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The 9/24 video from Heritage in Groton NY starts with a woman singing. Gary, that's a cappella - it just means with no instruments.

The Hawkinses clomp to the front, and sing, then Gary comes to the pulpit and makes Garyjokes about how Miss Jeannie will be shouting Hallelujah, and all of New York will be glad, when he's gone. I don't really wish this on you Gary, but, whenever you do that particular faux-modesty routine, this song comes to mind:

Spoiler

 

After some babbling and teasing and announcements, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+9%3A24-28&version=KJV

He does some of his usual blahblah about Jesus coming back.

Gary had a dream the previous night that "was somewhat of the part of them people comin' after us." They (whoever the heck "they" are - I guess non-saved folks) hate Christians, just like they hated Jesus.

Gary's going to preach on how he knows that Jesus is coming back.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+24%3A1-8&version=KJV

KJV: there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
BGV: there shall be fay-mins, and the pelistence, and earthquakes, in divers places.

Gary sees all of these signs in the current times. Yeah, Gary, there have never been wars and rumors of wars in the last 2000 years - that's like, so new!

"Nations against nationssss? Every nation now is against America amen?"

Actually, that's improved a little, since Trump lost.

"They're fixin' t'attack America people just don't believe it. Amen. They're fixin' t'come after us y'say 'how d'you know?' Well we got a man called Joe Bahden that  thanks he's the president of the YOOnahted States an' he left every bit of our equipment over there an' so they can attack us an' nothin' can be signed - said - said nothin' about it. You say wha? 'Cause he's gonna be OK, amen?"

Biden is "pushin' the Lord t'come real quick-lahk. He's doin' all the things - uh, history is repeatin' itself, this is not the first tahm this stuff has happened an' it's not gonna be the last tahm."

Um, Gary - I thought the entire point is that this is going to be the last time.

"It ought t'make us happy that they're doin' this stuff so we kin git outta here."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+24%3A37-39&version=KJV

People are rejecting Jesus Christ, just as they did in the days of Noah. Or Noe. He screams and pounds and karate-chops about that for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+24%3A44&version=KJV

Gary knows Jesus is coming because people have stopped looking for him. He screams about that for a while, then imitates people who think of God like a genie in a bottle, grabbing a water bottle and rubbing it.

Spoiler

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It splits from his vigorous, um, ministrations, and sprays all over him.

The congregation whoops and laughs in surprise, but Gary just goes right on about people who "wanna get that genie bottle out."

And, I swear to you I am not lying, the next thing he says is "We wanna rub it out."

Inner 12-year olds, rejoice and be exceeding glad!

So, Gary thinks God has provided everything he has, including his ability to breathe and walk, etc., but he isn't treating God like a "genie bottle."

Of course! To him it makes perfect sense. The people who treat God like a "genie bottle" are the ones who haven't come to church or gone out soul-winning, or prayed enough, then suddenly want God's help.

After screaming some more familiar stuff, he turns around and amens for himself, does the "good preachin'" and "we're gonna be here all night" bits.

Gary screams his way down off of the pulpit, so we get a closer look at his wet shirt.

Spoiler

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OK, so this picture doesn't show the water spots all that well. I couldn't resist it, though - it's sort of a Lon Chaney as the Wolfman and Ricou Browning as the Creature From the Black Lagoon mash-up.

He gets to one of the loudest shrieks I've heard from him in a while, praises his own preaching again, and said he's glad he got that out of his system.

Gary, I thought you didn't believe in all of that newfangled therapy stuff.

More later. My sides hurt from laughing at Gary and his genie bottle, and my ears hurt from listening to Gary's caterwauling.

Edited by thoughtful
A riffle squirted through my careful proofreading.
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3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The congregation whoops and laughs in surprise, but Gary just goes right on about people who "wanna get that genie bottle out."

Most entertainment Gary has provided to a congregation ever. Also I was looking at the photo sequence and going "did he just... squirt that?" And then the confirmation that he had indeed, and (even better) wanted to rub it out.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Inner 12-year olds, rejoice and be exceeding glad!

Oh mine is giggling hysterically, as I suspect a large proportion of the congregation were too.

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If I didn't love my horrifying Jill, I'd change my avatar to the water squirting all over ghawk one, that's hilarious. Thanks for capturing that exact moment!

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1 hour ago, MayMay1123 said:

If I didn't love my horrifying Jill, I'd change my avatar to the water squirting all over ghawk one, that's hilarious. Thanks for capturing that exact moment!

I also love my existing Bro Gary avatar too much to be in the market for a new one, but those water squirting photos would be strong contenders. I may need to look up the video and watch the actual event. The idea of Gary rubbing that poor bottle until it fights back is hilarious, even by Bro Gary standards. 

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11 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

According to the NRSV he was indeed naked:

Same in Gary's beloved KJV - I linked to it in the original post, and here it is quoted:

Quote

Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher's coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

 

5 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

and (even better) wanted to rub it out.

Gary rubbing his bottle, and his comments about people wanting to "rub it out" to get their desires from God, are a matched set with Jill fondling her pink Plexus bottle, and Jack Shaap polishing his shaft.

Continuing Gary's now-damp rant from 9/24, he announces Luke 10, then asks "Is ever'body allraht? Ah would tell ya what the old-tahm preacher says, but ah ain't got the guts to."

Gary, you do plenty to beg for accolades and scold people for not giving them to you - no need to be even more obnoxious. Oh, and enunciate - the captions are having a tough time.

Spoiler

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Luke 10:20, KJV: Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.
BGV: Not with - withstanding in his rejoice. Rejoice in that the spirit are subject. Unto you but rather rejoice - because your name - is written in the Lamb's booka lahf.

Thank you so much, Mr. Every Word of the KJV Is Perfect and Never to Be Changed.

Gary knows He's coming because he's "on the winnin' sahd." And he decides to use teams, and people's loyalties to them, as a metaphor.

"Listen, hey, you got ball teams. We're gonna use Brother Mike and Miss Jeannie  - hey, you ever wanna see a good show, come to their house when th'Yankees an' th'Indians are playin'. 'Zat their names?"
Several people: "Cubs."
Gary: "The Cubs. Ya ever wanna get t'see a good show, an' it needs t'be ohn what is that show it usedta be come ohn an' you could win $10,000 for the funniest video? Listen, we'd win $20,000 - they'd give us extra money just caussa them two amen."

Gary goes on to say that he used to "more or less" root for the Yankees because his "Daddy did or whatever," then that he roots for whoever wins. And, I am fairly amazed to say, he actually remembers why he went off on this tangent. Of course, he has to throw in some vitriol. And, of course, scream at the top of his lungs and flail about. Maybe he's just trying to dry off.

"The Yankees lose sometahms. The Cubs lose sometahms. Football teams lose sometahms an' then you go home an' suck on yer little paceefaher an' crah HAYMEN. But ah'm gonna let you know somethin' - ah don't have to suck on a pacifaher, ah'm ohn the winnin' sahd hey lahf's  always - it's not always fair, it does suck sometahm, things always go always go mah way, but ah kin tellya this much, ah'm ohn the winnin' sahd no matter what happen - the devil's a loser, and God's a winner, an' ah'm ohn God's sahd amen!"

"Ah got a preacher frienda mahn in North Carolahna" who lost his job, because the devil is trying to destroy things, of course.

While ranting wildly about the trials saved people go through, despite being on the winning side, we get this fragment about Job: "Job was in pretty bad shape tahm chapter two come aroun' amen, an' his friends even come in, his frenemies that ah have amen, an' they come in an' they told the scares him an' said 'Whatadone wrong, wha - what didchu do to God to make Him mad at you enough' He didn't do nothin' to God - we do have trahls, we do have tribbleations" and he screams on and on.

Notice that Gary has Job's frenemies now. Poor, put-upon martyr. 🙄 And those people must be way too old to do much damage, at this point.

Gary's on the winning side, because God is a leader. Or perhaps:

Spoiler

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Gary says he hates flying, mumbles his "Low I am with you" joke so quickly that nobody hears it, then says, "You know what, ah am gonna flah wonna these days. Wonna them songs, whoever sung it was 'In a twinkling of an ah.' Ah rode on a plane" and he goes on to explain that going to Heaven will be faster than flying from Charlotte NC to Houston TX, but what the captions do with the previous mess is much more interesting:

Spoiler

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image.png.f77d7c227ff357491301b46eb1b7d209.png

 

 

He gives a passing mention to the stupid people on Facebook who say they can lose their salvation.

And I will pick this up later, if Facebook comes back online.

If it's the Rapture - nah, Facebook wouldn't get Raptured.

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Harrumph, Gary. “Frenemies” is not biblical! Show me in the King James. You can’t? Then obviously it doesn’t exist! That’s God’s perfect, inerrant word you’re playing fast and loose with.

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“The Cubs lose sometimes” - speaking as a diehard, third-generation Cubs fan, there have been many seasons when the Cubs lost a lot. Not so much in recent years, thank goodness, but throughout most of my life, God has definitely not been a Cubs fan.

I’m amazed Gary would root for any team with “Yankee” in its name or anything coming from the big, bad city of New York. He makes no secret of his disdain for “Yankeeland.”

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4 hours ago, postscript said:

“The Cubs lose sometimes” - speaking as a diehard, third-generation Cubs fan, there have been many seasons when the Cubs lost a lot. Not so much in recent years, thank goodness, but throughout most of my life, God has definitely not been a Cubs fan.

Yeah, I thought that was one of those moments when Gary had no idea how funny he was. But I doubt he knows that whole history.

On 9/24, Gary rambled about various denominations, and was about to repeat something someone said at the supper table. He walks in front of the lectern, gets distracted burbling about the regional differences in calling meals dinner or supper, and freezes:

Spoiler

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He stands there for a few seconds with his finger in the air, then mumbles that he forgot what he was going to say, and returns to the Bible.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+17%3A28-29&version=KJV

Gary goes on with disgusting bigotry against anyone who isn't straight, and how the public schools insist on telling little girls that they are little boys. Again, the captions think "Sodomy" is "Solomon."

He's told this story before: "Ah read somethin' on Facebook here some tahm ago an' it was a little girl . . . no, it was a little boy. An they grew the little boy's harr out like a little girl. An an an' they taught that little girl - er, that little boy, says 'Hey, you gotta let your innards come out an' meet with your outers, an' you gotta show the same thing.' An' that little boy growed that long harr out down listen hey looked beautiful in that part an' everything an' & that little girl said - an' they taught her an' instilled her they engrained her and here's what he said: 'Mah inners - is now matching - my outers."

He gives them a prolonged pissy face:

Spoiler

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Then a shriek of "That's wicked!"

I think Gary's view of gender has nothing to do with religion - I think he's just too stupid to keep track of more than two!

Gary rants on about various things. At one point, he throws in a "church should be essential - have ah not said that lately?" The captions say:

Spoiler

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If you "have some kinda sickness" and can't come to church, "then you have the right to watch Facebook." But, if Facebook is "what you're using for church," you're going to stand before God, and Gary has not seen anything in the Bible about it being OK to use Facebook for church.

There's a reason for that, Gary, and it has nothing to do with God.

He mocks clergy who  have used Romans 13 as an "excuse" not to have church during the pandemic:

Spoiler

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Apparently, they all cross their arms, rock, and use a deep voice when telling people not to break the law.

Maybe he's picturing them all in straitjackets.

Or as rappers.

Even though he is imitating people he disagrees with, he ends this skit with a huge AMEN. I think nobody answers because they think he's still in character as the bad preacher saying to obey the government, and don't want to agree with his amen.

But Gary complains (good naturedly, of course!) about how he's never preached to such a hard crowd.

He announces John 4, asks "How many are alraht? 'Bout three of ya, amen," mumbles something  about Brother Mike, says "Some y'all'll git that later," then says it's John 14, not 4.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A1-4&version=KJV

Gary knows the Lord is coming because He said so.

After screeching about that for a while, Gary quiets down and says "Ah don't believe the critics. Ah don't beieve the scholars."

The captions say:

Spoiler

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He says a preacher friend asked him to help find a wife for his son. But Gary says he doesn't know if today's Baptist churches are good places to look for a spouse. People ask him where he found his wife, and he says he's been tryin' to figure that out. "Juat all of a sudden, _______" (noise? word? sounds like "blah") "and there she was."

Hebrews 13:14. KJV: For here have we no continuing city, but we seek one to come.
BGV: For here we have no - continuing cities, but we seek one - to come.

Not huge errors, I know, but there are only 13 words in the whole verse.

Gary says, as you age, "you get illness." Well, I think that has to be what he says. But, to both the captions and me, it sounds like he said "You get Elvis."

He also says he's ready to go to Heaven. If you're not, you go ahead an' "get your busload later. Ah'm goin' on."

Or, maybe:

Spoiler

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Being a Christian is as exciting as any amusement park. "There's ups an' downs an' there's valleys an' there's hurts an' there's pains." Or:

Spoiler

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I think that's being a cardiologist, captions.

Gary has no time to suck his thumb or pout or get discouraged, because he has to come up with a new message every day.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+20%3A14-15&version=KJV

You'd better be sure of salvation - eternity's a long time. "The rich man lifted his ahhhhhhsss - bein' in torment."

Gary mumbles on for a few more minutes.

Next . . . Becky preaches!

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Becky... preaches? Really?

Did they allow her to stand behind the pulpit or did she have to stand off to the side?

Also, doesn't the Bible have long very specific passages about NOT attending church/temple or being in crowds and such if you are sick? I'm pretty sure people in Biblical times would have been thrilled to have a way to at least watch services when they were ill, since medical care was minimal and illnesses would have been easy to pass around. 

Also, I hope the voyage to heaven isn't anything like flying from Charlotte to Houston. I've done that once. My checked bag liked Houston enough to stay there, while I went on to my destination in Peru!

In fact the past two times I've left the country my checked bag has been lost for days. Luckily I pack enough in my carry on to get by without it! Gary seems like he'd be one of those people completely unprepared for something like that - he'd have a bag with his Bible, some tracts, some snacks, and his little notebook, and would end up stuck in the same clothes for days. And then he'd have a new rant to add to his sermons, about how Satan tried to steal all his stuff! And since he's a grifter to the core, whoever he was flying out to annoy for Jesus would end up "blessing" him with a bunch of new clothes, no doubt. 

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5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Did they allow her to stand behind the pulpit or did she have to stand off to the side?

How dare you even suggest she preached in the church?

She preached about "standing" while sitting at a table, with only other ladies, at a breakfast, on 9/25

BTW, in his 9/24 blabber, Gary kept "joking" that he could stay up and keep preaching until very late, because his wife had to get up early to preach the next day, but he didn't.

Oh, and before I get to the video, here's something else Becky posted:

Spoiler

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Of course, it's not approval of 1960s-era feminism and the mistaken idea that women were burning bras. It's to advertise some "party" someone is throwing to sell bras, for an MLM, I assume.

Spoiler

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At the link:

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On to 9/25 - the video starts with Becky and another woman dealing with the technology for a while. Then Becky thanks the ladies for coming, and says "We're in 1 Samuel chapter 3, verses 10-8."

Well, other than saying 8 (it turns out she meant 18, and she says it correctly right before reading - probably just nerves), she already has it all over Gary, just for announcing what the entire reading would be, and using "verses" correctly. She continues to do that throughout.

She giggles after she says she's going to pray before they get started - I think because she almost forgot to do so.

She reads, without error and generally expressively:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+samuel+3%3A10-18&version=KJV

She doesn't pray again after the reading, but goes right into her message, which seems to be that Lord is good even when we don't like His punishments. Her title is Don't Fall Away in the Stand.

Well, Becky, I'll try, but:

Spoiler

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Becky is quiet and tentative. There are a lot of "um"s and "y'know"s and long silences, and she looks down at her notes and the Bible most of the time.

Spoiler

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She says she is going to explore why God's light leaves, and what we should do to prevent that.

She says "God's light leaves because the house of God is not clean. And this can be you, it can be your children, it can be your friends that are stayin' with you or whatever, but we must be clean."

Becky goes back and forth to various scriptures, and comments briefly - I put some of it under a spoiler, since she doesn't really say much:
 

Spoiler

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+samuel+2%3A23-26&version=KJV

Eli's sons were taught the same as Samuel, but they fell away. Eli didn't do anything about it. God only chooses faithful people for His service.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+samuel+2%3A28-29&version=KJV

Because Eli did not restrain his sons, they became followers of Belial:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+samuel+2%3A12&version=KJV

"The Lord is a jealous God, and He wants our whole heart. Um, Eli's sons did not give their heart to God. And I wonder, um - this was just a side note that God gave me this morning - I wonder if this was also the case with Job's children, that when his children died it wasn't just the Lord - or the devil - puttin' Job through trials, but I wonder if that was part of the judgment for Job's children, because it said in Job that he sacrificed for his children in case they were sinning, and they were in this - in their house, drinkin' and makin' merry  when they were - when there were killed."

She goes on a for a while about this theory, including "Because God doesn't take sacrifices that - that aren't deserving."

No, Becky, you had a thought that is not supported by your precious KJV, nor did it come from God. It is mentioned that Job continually made offerings in case his sons had sinned (which you even said), and that his children were drinking wine with a meal when they were killed, but you people say that "wine" means grape juice at Cana, so it must mean grape juice in Job, right? It doesn't say a thing about them "makin' merry," or any sins - just that the brothers took turns hosting dinner, and invited their sisters as guests.

Isn't the whole point to the story of Job that the horrors were undeserved, and just a test to see if Job would curse God?

She gets back to Samuel and Eli and that bunch. Even burnt offerings were rejected by God for Eli's children, and Becky is thankful for God's grace and mercy, because she thinks she would have been one who brought the wrong offering.

"But it just - I mean - goes back to the point we must be clean we must keep ourselves pure an' y'know do what - do what um the Lord wants."

She rambles for a while about their asking her to do a ladies' meeting, and wondering what she'd talk about, because she wanted to be a blessing.

"And then we get here and we see the falling away. And, y'know, it saddens me. I love this church, I love these people, and just t'see 'em bein' torn, and then the fiery darts that we're seein' this - this week, and y'know just the things that have gone on, and y'know the other things, y'know, stuff from Bible school, and y'know it just seems like the whole church is under attack at this moment."

She said she'd been studying on this for months, "and I get here, and I'm like 'Lord, give me something else.' And y'know He made it clear, He says. 'No this is what needs to be talked about.'"

She says they need to be witnesses to their friends and children, because the Lord's coming back. They need to stand by putting on the whole armor of God, and she reads the verses about that:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+6%3A11-18&version=KJV

She points out that it says they must stand, not sit, or "lay down" or "watch from Facebook."

You've got to be ready and alert, "because we don't wrestle against flesh and blood.  We're wrestlin' against principalities - your principles. You've got to stand up for 'em you've gotta teach them, you've gotta know it in love and peace and y'know."

And she goes on about being in church whenever the doors are opened.

Becky, principalities are not principles.

She talks about how Samuel, David, Daniel, Rahab and Ruth (have to get female examples in there, for the ladies!) were faithful.

You should never skip your scheduled daily Bible reading. "I can't tell you how many times that Gary has wanted to get up and leave early and so ah skip mah Bahble reading and - things don't go so well." She laughs.

"Y'know, and then, when we stop or slow down that evening, I either one, am too tired to focus on mah Bahble, and I either skip it, or when I do read it, I'm like, 'Oh that would have helped this morning. That would have helped me this afternoon, not to - not to say those things and y'know I woulda had a reminda Christ." And she winds down with some more about never skipping your self-appointed daily Bible reading time.

Guesses as to why Becky just doesn't do her Bible reading while riding in the car if Gary insists they get on the road? My first thought was that she's prone to carsickness if she reads. But it could be that she feels compelled to be a second pair of eyes, since Gary is such a distracted driver. I have noticed that there have not been Facebook lives from a moving vehicle in a long time - maybe she finally talked him out of doing those.

Going back to the armor of God verses, she explains that the loins are the legs.

Really, nurse Becky?

Although, if the ancients girded up their loins this loosely, it might leave much of the legs still wrapped up. It sort of defeats the purpose, though.

She says that, after her surgery, the doctor told her that she needed to exercise, or she'd lose so much muscle mass while she was losing weight that she wouldn't be able to get out of bed one morning. Exercising faith is important, too.

For the shoes of the armor of God, Becky says that God gave her an example this morning. She broke Gary's coffee mug (it fell on the floor), and it made her think about how someone would hobble or hop if there was something wrong with their feet.

Sure, that was God giving you an example to use in your message, Becky. 🙄

"You can also think of um - a horse. Um, they call - when they trim the - the feet - the hooves of a horse they call it shodding the horses' feet - 'We're gonna go shod their feet.' And, if ya don't then the horse can't function properly."

Nope, Becky - "shod" is the past tense of the verb "shoe," and has nothing to do with the trimming, which is called . . . trimming.

She rambles on about the fiery darts of the wicked, and refers to the woman who came and hurt Miss Jeannie by telling her that her child would not be coming to church (so we finally get confirmation of what that was about).

If you don't do things like memorizing scripture, you don't have the whole armor when the devil throws arrows at you. "Our shield's down."

What is she - the captain of the Enterprise? Shields up! Red alert!

Spoiler

giphy.gif

After some more quiet rambling about the armor, Becky tells them that "this" (she holds up her Bible) "is the word of God - it's um not my phone. Um, God pretty much pointed that out to me a few years ago when this - cell phones they started comin' out with Bible apps. I've got a Bible app on my phone, for quick reference. I was usin' that all the time, but then I would get somethin' would pop up, and I would get sidetracked, because I had my phone here."

She says she wasn't putting her full attention on the word of God, and that, when she has her Bible out, she can feel the pages, and messages on Messenger don't pop up.

Unlike Gary, though, she says that's just her opinion. But wait, Becky - I thought God told you that your phone is not a Bible.

She goes on about memorizing the Bible, and having verses on sticky notes, in your car, and on the walls of your home, so you can help people fight the jabs of the devil when they need it.

She says she used to put them on her bathroom mirror, on a sticky note, or written with a dry-erase marker, when they had a house.

People should pray, because the Lord is our friend, and wants to hear from us.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+9%3A57-62&version=KJV

Don't quit, don't look back. Discipleship may mean losing friends and family.

She asks for thoughts and comments, and she and someone we can't see reinforce one another's resolve to stand.

Like a horse who has been properly shod, I guess. :confusion-shrug:

 

Edited by thoughtful
getting rid of extra picture
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I hate to agree with Gary but I don't believe the pigs and the golfers either.  (I'm really enjoying the closed captioning.)

I'm surprised that Gary allowed Becky to preach -- even to other women.  He loves the sound of his own voice so much that I'd figure he'd insist on doing all Bible study.  

It's disappointing to hear her do "the whole armor of God" bit.  I wish the fundies would quit blaming Satan for everything that doesn't go right.  I don't believe in him but imaginary Satan is taking a bum rap.

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On 10/4/2021 at 11:57 AM, postscript said:

I may need to look up the video and watch the actual event

You are welcome to do so - it's at about 22:40:

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/372355824551437

But, before you go to the trouble, look what I just learned how to do!

Spoiler

1407368670_Garyandthegemiebottlegif.gif.9d395231f76526e9c46a93b7cb7e3adb.gif

A slo-mo gif of Gary's orgasmic water bottle, preserved for posterity.

I'm so proud.

 

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50 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

You are welcome to do so - it's at about 22:40:

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/372355824551437

But, before you go to the trouble, look what I just learned how to do!

  Reveal hidden contents

1407368670_Garyandthegemiebottlegif.gif.9d395231f76526e9c46a93b7cb7e3adb.gif

A slo-mo gif of Gary's orgasmic water bottle, preserved for posterity.

I'm so proud.

 

Hahahaha - the expression on Gary’s face when the bottle fights back is priceless. To his credit, he keeps right on going with his rant, though he compounds the moment by backing into the podium. 

Listening to his meanderings, I’m amazed at how little he actually says. All of his messages basically boil down to “accept Jesus or go to Hell.”  His cadences take me back to my childhood. Even though I come from a quieter, more intellectual religious tradition, during my mother’s most religious phase, she occasionally listened to fire and brimstone preachers. Gary in his more lucid moments sounds exactly like those.

Gary won’t let Becky do her morning Bible reading because he wants to get on the road? In other words, God has to yield to Gary’s convenience. Somehow, I’m not surprised. I also wondered why she couldn’t do her reading in the car, and came up with the same possible explanation. If I remember correctly, the last time we heard from him in the car was when he had the religious psychotic break over a song he liked. Perhaps Becky put her foot down after that.

Weren’t they supposed to meet the granddaughter about now? You’d think Becky at least would post something. 

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2 hours ago, Xan said:

I'm surprised that Gary allowed Becky to preach -- even to other women.  He loves the sound of his own voice so much that I'd figure he'd insist on doing all Bible study.  

I know. Maybe he was just that desperate for one morning sleeping in. I wonder if he watched the live, or the video later, to make sure she didn't say anything he didn't like.

24 minutes ago, postscript said:

Listening to his meanderings, I’m amazed at how little he actually says. All of his messages basically boil down to “accept Jesus or go to Hell.”

That's about it, for the unsaved. For the saved, he lays on lots of guilt about how they should be behaving, but that also boils down to just a few things that get repeated over and over. I'm sure you have them memorized by now. We could all probably pass a Garyism quiz at this point.

  

23 minutes ago, postscript said:

If I remember correctly, the last time we heard from him in the car was when he had the religious psychotic break over a song he liked. Perhaps Becky put her foot down after that.

I think there was one more after that, maybe even two. But I'm not sure.

The video from Sunday morning, 9/26, starts with Becky singing, then Gary and Jacob switch bring out the taller lectern (Brother Mike must have preached Sunday school).

While they're turning their Bible pages, Gary tells them that, if they think they know where they are going to be in a year (if the Lord tarries his coming) and they're sure they'll never "get out of church," they're a candidate for the devil to get them right out of church.

"Somebody said on Facebook," twice, that the worst thing that ever happened to this country was the Democrats. Gary thinks that's "the biggest lie from Hell they ever was."

Don't get your hopes up - "Ah'm not a Democrat, ah didn't vote for Democrat, ah  wouldn't vote for Democrat ah wouldn't be that stupid amen. But the biggest problem with our country is the church."

He babbles on and on, because, he claims, God told him to say these things. Why is God so incredibly disorganized?

Eventually, he makes reference to a message he preached "down in Pennsylvania here the other day. How many of ya know how to spell Joy? J-O-Y."

The One Where the captions still didn't get it:

Spoiler

image.png.8f550ed00a7951ac25271f30a5ecf804.png

Oh, I forgot to mention - neither an electronic device or a person moved the camera focus over to where Gary is now, so all we can see is the edge of his Bible and few fingers.

And he explains the JOY thing. I think he just wanted to prove to Becky and Jacob that he'd learned to spell it.

"Is ever'body awraht? 'Bout three of ya, amen."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+121&version=KJV

It's time for the complex, deep, meaningful trip from Gary's first reading to his inspiring theme. Buckle up!

"Y'know, in th'day an' hour we're livin' in, an' it's always been this way, when people that did - huh - you know, a lot of people don't think that uh - lotta people think well just you make the statements like 'Well, Jesus didn't help everybody.'  You know wha He didn't help everybody? It's because everybody didn't want help, amen?"

"You cain't help people. Me an' Brother Mike an' Jacob was over in Ithica yesterday gettin' his glasses straightened out an' uh uh  gittin' some - uh uh ah thought that ________ (? Andrew? Anthony?) was gonna bah donuts an' he didn't so we bought 'em amen, and everything, but we was over there yesterday an' there was a gah standin' ohn the corner, and uh, ohn the corner there, an' he was  wanting help."

"Now ah'm just gonna letcha know somethin', you can like this or not, an' you can b'lieve it or not, that'syer choice, but a reall homeless person would not be standin'  ohn the corner wantin' help amen? A real homeless person would go get help, that's how simple an' plain that is amen?"

"But ah  - help! Whe - re today with the help of the Lord, ah wanna preach ohn Where's Yer Help Comin' From? Where's Yer Help Comin' From?"

He doesn't take a breath, but babbles right on with some "listen hey" statements, but I'm stopping there for the moment, since he has reached his twice-spoken official title.

More later.

 

Edited by thoughtful
fixing spoiler
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7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

God's light leaves because the house of God is not clean.

Maybe they should clean the windows better, to let the light in.

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7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Now ah'm just gonna letcha know somethin', you can like this or not, an' you can b'lieve it or not, that'syer choice, but a reall homeless person would not be standin'  ohn the corner wantin' help amen? A real homeless person would go get help, that's how simple an' plain that is amen?"

Ok, so Gary - beggarman extraordinaire - believes that a man needing help on a street corner in Ithaca (sp? Am I in the right place?) can't possibly be homeless because he's on the street corner.

What?? So to quote from the homeless shelter in Icatha:

"Due to current government restrictions, and the health concerns we have for our clients and staff, The Friendship Center will be open only to those in need of bathroom, shower, pantry food, mail or emergencies. Individuals who have someplace else to go (their own residences) will not be allowed to enter.  People staying at the shelter can use the Friendship Center to obtain essential needs, but after these needs are met, they will then be asked to go back to their room or go outside."

Couch surfing? Living in a car? Unable to get a room because they're full? Gary doesn't think you're really homeless, because if you were you'd be tidied up out of sight. I notice neither of them did anything like stop and ask the guy if he needed help. Seriously if they passed the beaten traveller on the road they would be the Pharisees - with the added bonus of then going and preaching about how untidy and obviously begging the traveller lying in the street was.  

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4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Ok, so Gary - beggarman extraordinaire - believes that a man needing help on a street corner in Ithaca (sp? Am I in the right place?) can't possibly be homeless because he's on the street corner.

Ain't that a kick in the head?

There is some logic to it - Gary doesn't have a home, and he got good and busy worming his way into getting other people to provide for him, starting about nine years ago.

Maybe he figures that standing on the street corner is this guy's con, just like playing preacher is Gary's, and he's just not clever enough to think of a better one.

But again, who knows? The question of how much evil and how much stupidity is in the mix is ever-present with Gary.

Thanks for finding and quoting the stuff from the Ithaca shelter. If that was explained to Gary and Becky, they'd probably disdain the guy and the shelter for being afraid of Covid and bowing to the government, instead of trusting in the Lord.

Oh, and sorry about the spelling of Ithaca - Gary's pronunciation actually was pretty close to the way most people say it, and I probably should have used the correct spelling. I just get so deeply into phonetic mode when typing what he says, I don't even notice things like that!

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Seriously if they passed the beaten traveller on the road they would be the Pharisees - with the added bonus of then going and preaching about how untidy and obviously begging the traveller lying in the street was.  

I actually illustrated that, many threads ago, with a reference to Gary's many broken-down vehicles thrown in:

Spoiler

image.png.707da95eede9f79083257df41a6533e2.png

 

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20 minutes ago, EyesOpen said:

I used the water picture. I hope that’s ok! Thank you @thoughtful ive never had a real profile pic before but that was too good to be true!

It's not only OK, it's a spraying fountain of joy (or possibly Joey)!

And you're welcome, but really, we both have the people who make those thin-skinned water bottles to thank.

On 10/3, Becky posted:

Spoiler

image.png.93a4e8517f55c76456cf2e53589dfc8f.png

This was followed by 40 comments, most of them wishing Gary a happy birthday. I can't remember when the exact date is, but I think it is still upcoming. She said "birthday month," people.

I guess Gary will get even more attention on his actual birthday.

Brother Mike Stout reminded them that October is preacher appreciation month, and "ur Not stealing it!"

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5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

There is some logic to it - Gary doesn't have a home, and he got good and busy worming his way into getting other people to provide for him, starting about nine years ago.

Gary wouldn't think of himself as homeless though - he's not one of those people, he's a hard working travelling preacher!

Artificial barrier, and certainly no recognition that he is one controversial comment away from needing help.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

But again, who knows? The question of how much evil and how much stupidity is in the mix is ever-present with Gary.

I think there's more stupidity myself - the evil comes from the unquestioning adherence and repetition, and the inability to stand in someone else's shoes. Also from the arrogance of believing his own rhetoric - the phrase that sums Gary up for me is "Good preaching if I'm doing it". More humble, empathetic preachers and pastors would be focused on the audience and how they are being affected, is there someone who I need to reach out to more personally later - is the message reaching them, can I do this better. Gary focuses on the audience only to the point that they support his ego by giving him the "right" reactions, when they don't he insults them and when they do he further boosts himself.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, and sorry about the spelling of Ithaca - Gary's pronunciation actually was pretty close to the way most people say it, and I probably should have used the correct spelling. I just get so deeply into phonetic mode when typing what he says, I don't even notice things like that!

Heh, I was more going "Is this the place he's actually in? Or is there another similarly named place with different spelling and I'm in the completely wrong state again?" I was to be honest slightly shocked- although I shouldn't have been - that Icatha has homeless shelters and services. Even the town I grew up in has a soup van, which is honestly appalling to me - we should not need this, we have the resources - just not, apparently, the will.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I actually illustrated that, many threads ago, with a reference to Gary's many broken-down vehicles thrown in:

I had forgotten that one! Still funny, and unfortunately still true. One bonus about Gary's trucks - at least when they break down it's not through being beaten. Well not physically by Gary at least. Thrashed through lack of maintenance on the other hand...

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On 10/6/2021 at 11:01 AM, thoughtful said:

Brother Mike Stout reminded them that October is preacher appreciation month, and "ur Not stealing it!"

October is Halloween spooky-time month, and he can't have it!

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Cue Bro preaching against “Helloween” in 3…2…1…

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Just now, smittykins said:

Cue Bro preaching against “Helloween” in 3…2…1…

They had one song that I really liked back in the day. They only played it on Headbanger's Ball though.

Gary's old enough to know about that band, but probably too stupid to remember them.

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Becky is flogging the bra MLM again. They have some nerve (I know, I know - it's an MLM, it's what they do) using breast cancer awareness to sell overpriced bras.

And I thought Becky knew, unlike Gary, that an apostrophe does not mean "watch out - here comes an s!"

Spoiler

image.png.5c0b701140383f36dc06fab0ebd7ce8e.png

People posted on Gary's timeline wishing him a happy birthday today, so perhaps today is the actual day.

Returning to Gary's 9/26 message, he condemns people who put money and their job before God. God gave you that job and the ability to do it, and can easily take it away from you.

He  snipes at those who work on Sunday, but says he's OK with doctors and nurses doing so. Glad to know they have your permission, Gary.

But he does not extend that permission to gas stations or liquor stores or restaurants (although he admits he's "been out to eat" but "ah'm just tellin' you the biblical way of doin' it, amen, amen, amen."

He rambles on for another 5 minutes or so about how nobody can do anything without God, including breathing, and people making the mistake of going to other people for help.

Gary's speaking in fragments and self-interrupting makes the captions say something that horrifies me:

Spoiler

image.png.dba99bfc452c8eb68ff77387d4a09526.png

No, Gary - there is no time when I am your wife.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+112%3A7&version=KJV

"I wanna askya this mornin' number one, how's yer - uh uh whattaya depindin' on, where d'ya git yer help from when it comes to trusting  - people - trusting things. Amen?"

After some predictable babble about not trusting the government, especially Biden, the governor of NY (Gary says he can't pronounce her name - Gary, Hochul rhymes with "local," or perhaps for you "yokel" would work better), he tells them "most people don't have the guts to do this - ah do. Ah got a Trump hat, ah got a Trump that says uh uh uh uh Trump 2024, take America back."

And he goes on to tell them that Trump only did good things "because he trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ," although Gary is not sure of his salvation. He also claims that, every time someone told Trump he was great, "he said 'Ah'm not great, God's great' amen?"

Every time? I think you'd be hard-pressed to find even one example.

While reiterating that he only puts his trust in Jesus for his next meal, his travel, etc., he goes off on a tangent about how weather forecasters are always wrong, and another about the price of groceries and stamps.

"God's never trusted me with a whole lot, but guess what, he's trusted friends - he has trusted me with friends that have done it. Last year during the PANdamic ah had a preacher call me he said 'Now Brother Hawkins,' because at one tahm they was bein' very stupid an' they was talkin' about where you couldn't travel from state to state an' he said, 'Ah have had - ah have scheduled you for the revahval next - this year an' ah wanna know an' makin' sure that yer plannin' ohn coming,' an' mah wahf was seein' her parents an' seein' th'kids an' so ah messaged her on Facebook an' said 'Th'preacher wants to know what our plans are what are we gonna do are we gonna trust the guv'mint are we gonna stay with the guv'mint or are we gonna trust God?' She said 'Whatever you say we'll do it.' Ah got in mah vehicle very little bitta money, where - not no meetings or whatever, ah drove from West Virginia t'Texas an' ah'll tellya raht now best drahve ah ever had nobody was ohn the road. HAYMEN! Ah lahk  dat."

"You say 'What happened when you got there?' I had a firenda mahn, ah called him up, ah said 'Hey brother, the meeting starts this tahm or whatever but we're here a little bit early an' everything maybe we can get together,' he said 'Ah wanna know whatchu need for groceries 'cause may - me an' mah family's gonna go bah you some groceries and take care' you say 'Whatta you mean?' Ah'm trustin' in God, haymen?"

No, Gary, you are very clearly trusting in, and mooching off of, other people. It doesn't even register on you what you are describing, you are so sure that God and/or Jesus are making everything happen.

Notice that he admitted that Becky was visiting "the kids" again, and he wasn't with her.

He tells them to go to Psalms chapter 16, asks if he's making sense, then tells them it's Matthew 16:24. He starts reading Matthew 15:24, mumbles that that's wrong but says he's in Matthew 6:24, then finally finds the right verse:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A24-25&version=KJV

Gary asks where they're getting their help to tell people about Jesus. But he doesn't suggest getting help from God or Jesus for that, he just lectures about handing out enough tracts, annoying people about coming to the revival meetings and trying to save everyone at work and in their family. He accuses them of not doing these things, and says they're just like Calvinists.

What an insult!

More later.

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