Harry & Meghan 8: Time's Most Insufferable

[louisa05]

1 hour ago, MomJeans said:

Prenups are technically not binding in the U.K. They can be filed with the court during divorce proceedings, and Judges can view them and take them into account.  Most Judges will honor them if the terms appear fair and unbiased.  Disparity in bargaining power at the time of the agreement is often raised as a reason to not honor a prenup. The general word on the street: you should have a prenup, but don't assume it's going to be followed, especially if it gives too much to one person. 

There was a lot discussion in the legitimate press that William refused to have Kate sign a prenup. It's unproven, but reported enough that I think it is accurate.

As for Harry and Meghan, personally, I think Harry would have seen it as his family believing his marriage would fail.  So I personally doubt a prenup was entered into, though I doubt Charles' lawyers didn't make an attempt.

I guess it's a situation of "we shall see" but I really actually hope we don't see, and we remain ignorant. 

*You will hear that the Monarch has automatic guardianship of her grandchildren.  There are some archaic laws on the old books about the Monarch having guardianship of all children and grandchildren, but there is no way Charles or the Queen would ever invoke it.  And the Hague Convention comes into play too.

 

I read an article a long while ago that the law giving custody to the monarch was clearly only applicable to an isolated case and has never been invoked as precedent. Apparently, it legally cannot be. It did not come into play at all when custody was considered during Anne’s, Charles’ or Andrew’s divorce. Beyond that, it applies to a minor grandchild and would not be precedent for a great grandchild. 

[EmCatlyn]

Such an interesting question.

I don’t think Harry and Meghan will ever admit that they are sorry they left, and I doubt very much that if they did they would ever have an official, first-tier role.

However, if they could stop being publicly difficult for at least 3 years and they wound down any commercial deals that might be problematic, I think Charles might welcome them as very low-key part-time royals (like Beatrice and Eugenie).  Harry could, for example, get some of his honorary military appointments and become the person in the Royal Family that does military stuff. Meghan might accompany him to events, but I don’t think she would get anything official on her own unless it was an event honoring Hollywood friends, maybe.  At least, not for four or five years.

I think William would not oppose any arrangement that gave his brother a reason to be in England and near the family so long as Harry and Meghan showed that they were ready to be quiet and not push themselves forward.  He is furious at Harry, but he loves his brother.  He may never entirely forgive Meghan, but he can be reasonably civilized with people he doesn’t like. (Consider his history with Camilla.  He may accept her now, but I would guess he will never entirely forgive her for the pain she caused his mother.)

Since I don’t see Meghan and Harry admitting that they made a mistake, the only scenario where I see Harry returning to royal life, however, is in the case of a divorce or separation.  If they were circumspect about the separation/divorce, I could see Harry having shared custody and the children going back and forth. 

[viii]

1 hour ago, Lollipopgirl said:

I think it’s worth mentioning that should Harry and Meghan divorce in a few years time then it’s quite possible that the Queen will have died and Charles will be King. I suspect it would be far easier for Harry to return to the royal family under those circumstances. I believe Charles loves him and would do everything he could to facilitate his return. 

I think Harry stands a better chance at returning with the Queen or his father. William is the one that will be tough to get past because William holds grudges. Kate would be difficult as well; she is notoriously private and calculated. I don’t think she would allow herself to be put in the position where someone can have the narrative that Kate is the “bad guy”. No matter how much turn around Meghan does, I don’t think William nor Kate would ever accept her again. Harry alone perhaps but I don’t see W&K ever wanting to work with Meghan again. That bridge didn’t just burn - it had 10000000 sticks of dynamite strapped to it. 

Edited January 19, 2022 by viii

[Coconut Flan]

As they say, Meghan fried her onions when she blamed Kate in the Oprah interview no matter how she tried to Robyn Brown twist it.  Neither William or Kate will ever forget that.  I could see Harry getting a small or controlled role, but I can't see Charles or William wanting to risk giving Meghan a platform without control over her message.  

[EmCatlyn]

41 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

As they say, Meghan fried her onions when she blamed Kate in the Oprah interview no matter how she tried to Robyn Brown twist it.  Neither William or Kate will ever forget that.  I could see Harry getting a small or controlled role, but I can't see Charles or William wanting to risk giving Meghan a platform without control over her message.  

I agree that Meghan will not be welcome back, but I don’t think her statement about Kate before the wedding is the main reason.  I think the way she has been using the “Duchess of Sussex” title while she lobbies for political decisions in the US is far more frightening to the Royals.  The statement about Kate was made in a way that you could read it as a misunderstanding between two sisters-in-law and Kate comes off as having handled it gracefully in the end.

 Meghan’s complaint to Oprah was not that Kate behaved badly but that Meghan was not permitted to correct the narrative that made her look bad. She was accusing “the Firm” of favoring Kate and being willing to throw Meghan under the bus to protect her.  Although William was reportedly furious that Kate had been brought into it at all, I think that it’s the sort of thing that a heartfelt apology from Meghan could fix.

What can’t be fixed is the way Meghan refused/refuses to adjust to what is expected of the wife of a “spare.”  When Edward and Sophie screwed up many years ago, they backtracked and rearranged their lives so as not to cause the crown further embarrassment.  I don’t think anyone would reasonably expect Meghan to do the same.  (Not without a personality change.)

The Oprah interview included a lot of things that hurt Harry’s family on the personal level, but family “airing linen in public” can be forgotten with apologies and the passage of time. (I remember Charles bemoaning that his mother had been “distant” when he was growing up.  The relationship with his mother survived just as his with Harry will survive.)  What is harder to forget is the fact that the Oprah interview happened at all, and I believe the family blames Meghan.
 

[Coconut Flan]

1 hour ago, EmCatlyn said:

I agree that Meghan will not be welcome back, but I don’t think her statement about Kate before the wedding is the main reason.

I don't think that would be a main or sole reason either.  But it's going to stick with them every time they see her face.

They'll see her and think of Oprah and the whole mess.  I don't think she did a good job keeping the blame out at all though in the interview.  That's why I referenced Robyn Brown.  She put it out there and then tried to pretend she wasn't sticking it to Kate.  It's manipulation.  Even if the story was wrong, the only way to look good is to forget it.  

She did exactly what she cut off her father for doing.  She won't trust her father and the BRF won't trust her. 

Edited January 19, 2022 by Coconut Flan

[viii]

13 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

She did exactly what she cut off her father for doing.  She won't trust her father and the BRF won't trust her. 

Ding ding ding. 

[EmCatlyn]

23 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

I don't think that would be a mail or sole reason either.  But it's going to stick with them every time they see her face.

They'll see her and think of Oprah and the whole mess.  I don't think she did a good job keeping the blame out at all though in the interview.  That's why I referenced Robyn Brown.  She put it out there and then tried to pretend she wasn't sticking it to Kate.  It's manipulation.  Even if the story was wrong, the only way to look good is to forget it.  

She did exactly what she cut off her father for doing.  She won't trust her father and the BRF won't trust her. 

Oh, I agree that they will never forgive her for the Oprah interview, but I think what really got to them was the racism accusation and things like that, not the thing about Kate.  Yes, it was underhanded and manipulative, but in the end it is a silly, personal thing.  No one cares which one made the other cry.  Come on, just before a wedding, a recently post-partum woman and a nervous bride— what is so odd about an argument and a few tears?

The story that there was concern about Archie’s skin color and the manipulation of the account so it seemed the concern was expressed when Meghan was pregnant (rather than, as seems to have been the case, before the wedding) was a lot worse.  It has left a permanent question, “Who wondered, what was the context, what was the tone?”  And it brought forward the topic of racism.    This sort of thing does real damage to the monarchy than “Kate made Meghan cry.”

[clueliss]

I thought maybe those in this thread would find this of interest.  She discusses a Newsweek article that digs into bot accounts, who was behind the rumors/conspiracies floating out, and how much revenue was generated from it all.

 

 

[viii]

I absolutely adore matta_of_fact. She is delightful. 

[TN-peach]

Some of the speculation I have read regarding Harry's request for police protection is that basically it could be a backhanded way to get International Protected Persons status back.  If it is determined that his security risk is so high that he needs police protection with police intel then that could be mean IPP status.  Which would mean that US taxpayers would pay for his security in the US. 

Now an obvious solution to the security problem would be to have Charles or William pick Harry and family up at the airport and escort them to one of the royally protected estates.  If the Charles' protection team is also escorting Harry then they will be constantly aware of any security threats against Harry and his family.  If Harry was smart there would be a way to ensure that a large portion of his time back home with family he was protected by other family members' protection details.  But that would require giving up some privacy (but I am mean really it is not as though they are sharing a 4 bedroom house). Most important they would give up the narrative and having "their own protection team."

Princess Anne doesn't even have a full time protection team and she was almost kidnapped at gun point 40+ years ago.  She is the busiest (or second busiest royal) but she isn't a fit in the media over it. 

[EmCatlyn]

14 minutes ago, TN-peach said:

Some of the speculation I have read regarding Harry's request for police protection is that basically it could be a backhanded way to get International Protected Persons status back.  If it is determined that his security risk is so high that he needs police protection with police intel then that could be mean IPP status.  Which would mean that US taxpayers would pay for his security in the US. 

Now an obvious solution to the security problem would be to have Charles or William pick Harry and family up at the airport and escort them to one of the royally protected estates.  If the Charles' protection team is also escorting Harry then they will be constantly aware of any security threats against Harry and his family.  If Harry was smart there would be a way to ensure that a large portion of his time back home with family he was protected by other family members' protection details.  But that would require giving up some privacy (but I am mean really it is not as though they are sharing a 4 bedroom house). Most important they would give up the narrative and having "their own protection team."

Princess Anne doesn't even have a full time protection team and she was almost kidnapped at gun point 40+ years ago.  She is the busiest (or second busiest royal) but she isn't a fit in the media over it. 

I am sure Harry would love to have IPP status back, but it’s not very likely unless there are “credible threats” beyond what the Met (and for that matter the FBI) have assessed so far.  Most of the “danger” seems to be from paparazzi and the occasionally over-enthusiastic public.

There are lots of practical, sensible ways of addressing Harry’s concern about not enough protection when he and his family visit the UK.  As you point out,  Charles or William or Kate or Camilla could pick them up at the airport they can stay in royal properties when not going somewhere with a fully protected senior royal.  If I am not mistaken, their home, Frogmore Cottage, is inside the Windsor estate and is pretty well protected, but if that is not “safe” enough, they can stay wherever Charles is staying.

Honestly, I am not sure if this is paranoia or plain manipulativeness, but there isn’t a good reason to act as though nothing but royal level protection is enough.  If his security team from the US isn’t savvy enough, hire extra security while in the UK.  It has already been said that when he is participating in official functions of some sort there would be MET protection (just as Beatrice and Eugenie get for official functions.)

Anyway, I am curious whether this will end up with Harry and his family never visiting the UK, or at least not for many years.  

[TN-peach]

I honestly think if that there was a real threat that intelligence agencies detected against Harry and family, then they would receive the highest level of protection possible until that specific threat had passed. But that hasn’t happened (that we know of). His threat level is of the crazy celebrity level (stalker,crazed fan, paparazzi) that he can pay for. 
 

Wasn’t Meghan recently pictured out shopping with her “security detail” yet they were carrying her packages?  I thought I saw some pics of her recently. Security should never carry packages. They can’t protect you if their hands are full. 

[just_ordinary]

I think a reconciliation of private family relations is very much in the books for them. It might take 15 or 50 years, but in my experiences relationships and personal development are not that set into stone that one can do a good prediction. 
I also think re-joining the FIRM is possible. If they were willing to scrub the barrel for a good decade or two. Keeping them in would definitely shut them up and BP (whoever is it’s head by then) would control the narrative. I don’t think it would be a wise decision because with how they present themselves character wise I would always expect them to pull the same stunt again. 

In the sad event of a separation/divorce, I think Harry would have an easier time to find his way back. But I do believe the children would stay in the US with Meghan. So he should stay too. He has the money and the time to jet back for a handful of engagements and partying with his lads. But he should make it a priority to be around for his children for the mundane boring everyday. That’s the only thing Sarah and Andrew got right. And even Charles and Diana found a way to a more amicable relationship for the sake of their children in the end.

HMTQ would take them back. She has a tendency to let her family run wild and avoid such dramas even when it hurts the Crown (Margaret, Charles, Diana, Sarah, Andrew….). Charles would probably take them any second. William is said to hold grudges for a long time, but that’s all just hearsay. Apart from his long fight with the press about the exposure of his children after his experiences with them over his youth/his mother there is no real behaviour publicly seen that supports that. I definitely can see it, but I also think he would rather have him back than not. Even if it’s just to gag  and control him.

What might make those personal wishes irrelevant though, is the fact that their business plan relies on staying in power. The monarchy must survive. I mean, realistically it mustn’t. They can step down, life an incredible lavish lifestyle, can make even more cash by selling out on their previous roles and take champagne baths in their private castles decked out in their private medal/jewellery collection. But I don’t think they are willing to give the position up. So their advisers will asses what is best. Charles might try to push through his wishes with the old “act first, deal or even ignore the reaction later” but Wiliam seems to be more rational. In the end, the Megxit only speeded up a course that was probably in the cards anyway. There is a reason the Prince/Princess title for Harry’s children was at stake right from the start. And it’s not racism. It’s the pure fact that the public will not tolerate paying for George’s cousins as they do now for HMTQ’s. And very probably not for William’s nieces and nephews or George’s aunt and uncle. It would have ended with H&M in any way. They would have become irrelevant and therefore “cut off professionally sooner than later. Charles may have 30 years left - at best. But he isn’t even crowned yet. I don’t predict a longer reign than 15 years for him. If at all. I mean, he is over 70 - he could easily drop dead now with a heart attack and it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. So with the need for a reform and the clear fact that Wiliam will be king pretty soon (if you look at the long term perspective) it’s just not rational to take them on again. They would have to be let go again. And I think they have used up almost all their trump cards anyway. They have nothing left than naming the racist- and I think they might find themselves sued for libel or get a strong statement from BP and the UK public/tabloids. They would most probably loose out on any further extra inheritance and be cut off properly. Of course they can also drip feed mean little attacks, but I think most are pretty annoyed by this behaviour, don’t take them seriously anymore and think they are pathetic. His memories will be bad, but I don’t think as bad as some hope they are. I might be very wrong here, as I said the same about the interview before it aired. But the pure fact, that the Interview didn’t really hurt the RF after all shows that they are not having as much power over this as they thought they might.

Edited January 19, 2022 by just_ordinary

[EmCatlyn]

7 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Purely speculation but H & M seem like that couple who everyone can see they clearly despise each other but can never “quit” each other, either. Like @SweetJuly said, they seem to bring out the worst in each other. 

I don’t think they despise each other.  What gives you this idea? 

I think they are as much in love as two somewhat self-centered people can be.  I think he admires her, and I think she finds him sweet and in need of (her) guidance.  They do seem to bring out the worst in each other, but so far that “worst” seems directed at each other.

Down the road, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t make it, but it may be a long while.  What I see is two damaged people who meet each others’ needs.

Anyone else?

[LittleMy]

Older Brit lurker here 😊

I think that Harry & Megan love each other, but I rather think they don't know each other very well.  He admires her, and she enjoys being a guide and teacher to him, however when she was vulnerable he didn't seem to handle it at all well, they've got time to learn about this stuff.....neither of them seem to be great at learning from experience but maybe they will..........and if they don't and they split up, a divorced Harry would be very welcome back here, I don't like the fact that Megan would be a scapegoat, but it would be oh so easy for her to fill that role, especially  as she so obviously didn't like the UK .

If Harry wants to mend fences ( with or without Megan) I'd advise him to get on and do it now while the Queen is still with us or even during the reign of Charles ~ it is William I think who would be a stumbling block, William appears to be capable of bearing a good old grudge, and of course it's hard to know what Kate thinks.......

[Giraffe]

8 hours ago, EmCatlyn said:

I don’t think they despise each other.  What gives you this idea? 

I reread what I wrote and I was thinking of my sibling, not H&M. My sibling and their spouse hate each other with intense passion but they’ll never divorce. They feed off each other. I can imagine this eventually being the case with H&M. Currently they seem to bring out the worst in each other even though they seem to be a united front but I can see them turning on each other down the road - but staying married, as my sibling has. 

Edited January 19, 2022 by Giraffe
Clarifying

[viii]

I think they're still in the love/infatuated phase. However, I do think that if they were to divorce, it would be Meghan leaving Harry. He is stubborn and I think would dig his heels in as long as he could to prove that his family and friends weren't right. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

10 hours ago, EmCatlyn said:

I don’t think they despise each other.  What gives you this idea? 

I think they are as much in love as two somewhat self-centered people can be.  I think he admires her, and I think she finds him sweet and in need of (her) guidance.  They do seem to bring out the worst in each other, but so far that “worst” seems directed at each other.

Down the road, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t make it, but it may be a long while.  What I see is two damaged people who meet each others’ needs.

Anyone else?

This is how I see it as well.  I think they found each found a partner in the other with complementary dysfunction.  Having been in one of those myself, for a while it actually creates a stronger than normal bond.  That's not always stable long term, because if one changes the dynamic the other is thrown off balance.  I don't see their marriage surviving if either of them were to address their issues resulting in more reasonable and healthy behavior.  

[hoipolloi]

14 hours ago, TN-peach said:

But that would require giving up some privacy (but I am mean really it is not as though they are sharing a 4 bedroom house).

Yeah, it's not like H & M are going to be kipping on Charles' pullout couch in the living room. 

 

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I think they found each found a partner in the other with complementary dysfunction. 

I agree. IMO, H & M's situation reminds me of the Duke & Duchess of Windsor. Those two were essentially cut off from the BRF from 1936 on, and that rejection strengthened the existing symbiosis between the couple. In some ways, that's happening with H & M's removing themselves to the US although they're certainly not cut off in the same way. In fact, the ball is in their court as to when & how in-person contact will resume. 

[Melbelle]

Something that occurred to me about their demands for Scotland Yard protection...I wonder if the Queen and/or Charles have told H&M that they cannot stay on their properties if they are conducting any filming for the Netflix show.  It's rumored (or maybe it's official, I'm not sure) that they are filming a docu-drama for Netflix and that camera crews went with them to all their events in NYC.  I'm positive that the Royals would not be comfortable with them filming anything at their private residences.  I'm sure Netflix and maybe even H&M would love to have some behind the scenes footage of the Royals, but I'm also certain that the Royals will not want that.  Maybe this is a factor in what's going on?  They feel like they need additional security because they will not be within the protective bubble of the official residences.  

 

[EmCatlyn]

7 hours ago, LittleMy said:

Older Brit lurker here 😊

I think that Harry & Megan love each other, but I rather think they don't know each other very well.  He admires her, and she enjoys being a guide and teacher to him, however when she was vulnerable he didn't seem to handle it at all well, they've got time to learn about this stuff.....neither of them seem to be great at learning from experience but maybe they will..........and if they don't and they split up, a divorced Harry would be very welcome back here, I don't like the fact that Megan would be a scapegoat, but it would be oh so easy for her to fill that role, especially  as she so obviously didn't like the UK .

If Harry wants to mend fences ( with or without Megan) I'd advise him to get on and do it now while the Queen is still with us or even during the reign of Charles ~ it is William I think who would be a stumbling block, William appears to be capable of bearing a good old grudge, and of course it's hard to know what Kate thinks.......

You are right that they don’t really know each other.  I think part of the problem is they don’t know themselves very well.

It is hard to say that “Harry didn’t handle it at all well,” when Meghan was “vulnerable,” because we really don’t know how much she told him or what she asked of him.  We know he was very protective of her to the press and that he defended her against all criticism from his family.  

I am by no means sure that she told him of her emotional angst and her need for mental health help until she informed him that she had been feeling suicidal.  And when she did, it appears, his impulse was to start movement on getting them out of the life that she found so overwhelming.

This isn’t to “defend” Harry but to point out that the narrative of, “poor suicidal Meghan got no help” is very much Meghan’s story, and to me it suggests she did not share her “quest for help” with Harry until it hit a critical point. Harry would have known the channels she needed to pursue to get psychological help. I am sure he would have steered her to them if she had turned to him for help.  The fact that she didn’t says a lot about their relationship.

It appears to me that Meghan may have been “playing a part” for Harry—the part of the strong woman, true professional, wise and self-controlled—and not wanted him to see she was not just angry and hurt by things (which he must have known) but despairing. (That is, according to her account.)  In fact, when she finally told him, it was clearly a power move.  She apparently decided she had more to gain by swaying Harry with her “weakness” than she had to lose by appearing weak. (And she was right.  Harry’s terror at losing another woman he loved was articulated on several occasions, and sounded sincere.)

All this is not to make Meghan the villain.  I would say they are both equally responsible for not knowing themselves, for dramatizing and pretending to each other, etc.  The “Meghan got no help” narrative is just one example of the way in which, as you say, they really don’t know each other. 

[EmCatlyn]

5 hours ago, Melbelle said:

Something that occurred to me about their demands for Scotland Yard protection...I wonder if the Queen and/or Charles have told H&M that they cannot stay on their properties if they are conducting any filming for the Netflix show.  It's rumored (or maybe it's official, I'm not sure) that they are filming a docu-drama for Netflix and that camera crews went with them to all their events in NYC.  I'm positive that the Royals would not be comfortable with them filming anything at their private residences.  I'm sure Netflix and maybe even H&M would love to have some behind the scenes footage of the Royals, but I'm also certain that the Royals will not want that.  Maybe this is a factor in what's going on?  They feel like they need additional security because they will not be within the protective bubble of the official residences.  

 

I think they would probably stay at one or another royal residence even if they are not allowed to film.  However, the issue may be that they want to go around filming in other places (outside the royal residences) as they wander around, and they would not have protection when they went to those other places.

The latest story out there is that Charles invited the family to stay with him for Christmas, so he could spend time with his grandchildren, but Harry refused because he couldn’t get police protection.  If the issue had been getting the Netflix cameras into Highgrove (or wherever Charles was staying), I think the story might be different.

Just what is really going on is confusing.  Apparently, Harry has been trying one way or another to get “royal level” police protection since they stepped down and he was hit with the information that he would no longer have protection.  

[LittleMy]

16 hours ago, EmCatlyn said:

 

It appears to me that Meghan may have been “playing a part” for Harry—the part of the strong woman, true professional, wise and self-controlled—and not wanted him to see she was not just angry and hurt by things (which he must have known) but despairing. (That is, according to her account.)  In fact, when she finally told him, it was clearly a power move.  She apparently decided she had more to gain by swaying Harry with her “weakness” than she had to lose by appearing weak. (And she was right.  Harry’s terror at losing another woman he loved was articulated on several occasions, and sounded sincere.)

All this is not to make Meghan the villain.  I would say they are both equally responsible for not knowing themselves, for dramatizing and pretending to each other, etc.  The “Meghan got no help” narrative is just one example of the way in which, as you say, they really don’t know each other. 

I honestly hadn't thought of it like that, as a "power move."  I do think it's possible, and I do suspect that Meghan has the kind of intelligence that means she's a natural manipulator ( and that isn't meant nastily, I just think it's part of her, along with her drive and charm.)  Just editing this to add to what I mean about Meghan and manipulation ~ if you're into Myers Briggs I'd bet money on her being an ENFJ

I totally agree that his fear of losing another woman he loved was sincere, and I can understand this anxiety even if it isn't based on facts, it has that feel of being linked........ I definitely  think he could  do with more therapy

Edited January 20, 2022 by LittleMy
thought of something else

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 hour ago, LittleMy said:

I honestly hadn't thought of it like that, as a "power move."  I do think it's possible, and I do suspect that Meghan has the kind of intelligence that means she's a natural manipulator ( and that isn't meant nastily, I just think it's part of her, along with her drive and charm.)  Just editing this to add to what I mean about Meghan and manipulation ~ if you're into Myers Briggs I'd bet money on her being an ENFJ

I totally agree that his fear of losing another woman he loved was sincere, and I can understand this anxiety even if it isn't based on facts, it has that feel of being linked........ I definitely  think he could  do with more therapy

I tend to take people at their word if they say they're suicidal as I'd rather be played if I'm wrong than add to their despair by accusing them of being manipulative if it's real.  I have no reason to doubt her on this, none of us know her.  That said anyone who uses suicidal ideation as a manipulative tactic is a monster.  It's a terrible position to put your loved ones in and especially if one was pregnant.

For me that's something that if she did do it, no benefit of the doubt on anything ever again since I that's a boundary decent people don't cross, but we'll never know so on that I'm going to assume her recounting is genuine.

Edited January 20, 2022 by HerNameIsBuffy