Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 34

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[fraurosena]

2 minutes ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Trump's "It's a witch hunt!" reminds me of the Dexter's Lab episode "Omlette du Fromage" where DeeDee chants "That's all you can say, that's all you can saaayyyyy!"

 

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"Treason For Tucker"

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When Congress investigated the September 11, 2001 attack on our nation, the investigative committee did not include any members of al Qaida. When Congress has investigated the mafia, I don’t believe any of those committees included mobsters. When the GOP held investigation after investigation into the Benghazi attack that killed four Americans, I don’t believe their committees included Islamic terrorists. But, Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi offered Republicans an opportunity to include supporters of terrorists on a committee to investigate a terrorist attack.

Make no mistake about it, the attack on January 6, 2021 was a terrorist attack. Not only are Republicans afraid to admit it was terrorists, they don’t want to admit it was an insurrection. A few of them even claim the terrorists were merely tourists. The reason being is that the terrorists were their terrorists.

The GOP made demands that had to be met before they would vote for an independent commission. They demanded equal representation on the committee and subpoena power. They could have used this to deflect from the real purpose of the investigation and shift the focus to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, why Tim Allen’s show can’t win Emmys, who put the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-bomp, or if the NSA is investigating Tucker Carlson.

The Democrats gave Republicans everything they demanded and except for 35 members, they still voted against a commission. It ultimately failed in the Senate because of two Democratic jackasses. After voting against a commission that would have given them equal power, the Republicans complained it was partisan. Fine, let’s make it partisan.

If your partisanship is supporting terrorism, then we don’t need you. Now, the House has voted, mostly along party lines, to create a select committee to investigate the terrorist attack. This time, only two Republicans voted to investigate a terrorist attack.

There will be a 13-member panel with eight members appointed by Democrats and five appointed by Republicans. Pelosi has already given one of the Democratic seats to a Republican, Liz Cheney. Kevin McCarthy, the Republican leader, has threatened his members with punishment if they serve on the committee. He’s threatening to remove their committee assignments.

McCarthy may want to appoint a few fucknuts like Jim Jordan, Elise Stefanik, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Matt Gaetz to fill the committee with howler monkeys, but Pelosi can veto any of McCarthy’s choices. She should have this power because Republicans can’t be taken seriously and would use their appointments to defend terrorists. Pelosi should veto any members McCarthy chooses who voted against certifying the election. Let’s not allow terrorists to serve on the committee. The terrorist attack was motivated by the Big Lie. You can’t put members on a committee investigating the attack who continue to push the Big Lie.

Republicans are afraid of investigating the January 6 attack the same way cats are afraid of cucumbers. We don’t know why cats are afraid of cucumbers. It’s not like the cucumbers conducted a terrorist attack against the dog after coordinating with the cat, and the cat is afraid it’ll be implicated if you ask the cucumber any questions. But we do know that’s exactly why the Republicans are afraid of cucumbers, I mean, questions, committees, investigations, facts, etc. And for all we know, Donald Trump is afraid of cucumbers. They are a vegetable.

And just like cats leaping from a cucumber, Kevin McCarthy may hurt himself trying to get away from this investigation. At the very least, he’ll probably shit himself.

The people who attacked the Capitol did so to block the certification of an election and the peaceful transfer of power. They did so to destroy our democracy and install a dictator. They were supported by and received support from Republicans. There are questions as to how much support. Donald Trump tweeted for them to be at the Capitol that day. Donald Trump held a pep rally before the attack. A lot of Republicans voted against certifying the election, delaying it for the terrorists to stop the certification. Some Republicans may have been in contact with terrorists while they were in the Capitol. One Representative was tweeting locations of Democratic members. The terrorists were Trump supporters. There was a large white nationalist element to it.

Liz Cheney said her service on the committee is a matter of honoring her “oath to defend the Constitution.” McCarthy can honor his oath and select members who will also “defend the Constitution,” but that will also shine the light on the party’s culpability with the terrorists. McCarthy and Republicans are more loyal to Trump and his cult than they are to the Constitution.

The terrorists engaged in an attack to stop an act mandated by the Constitution. If McCarthy refuses to appoint anyone, he shows he doesn’t care…which he doesn’t.

McCarthy is also a witness. He was on the phone with Trump during the attack, asking him to call off his terrorists…which Trump refused to do right away.

Republicans spent years and millions of dollars investigating the terrorist attack on Benghazi. Quick! Tell me what they learned from their investigations. Now, another terrorist attack needs an investigation but they don’t want to talk about it because they’re implicated. They would probably rather investigate Tucker Carlson’s claims the National Security Agency is spying on him. Several Republicans, howler monkeys, have backed him up on this bullshit.

Tucker claimed, without any evidence, the NSA has hacked into his emails and plans to release them. This is ironic since he was a big fan of Russia hacking into the Democratic Party’s emails during the 2016 campaign. Maybe someone else has hacked into his emails and plans to release them and Tucker is just preparing us for the amount of gay porn they’ll contain. Quick! What did the release of the Democratic Party’s emails contain? Something about pizza?

In fact, you’re not going to believe this shit…Kevin McCarthy said, “There is a public report that NSA read the emails of Fox News host Tucker Carlson.” Uh, that “public report” is Tucker’s claim. Fox News’ lawyers claimed in court that nobody can believe Tucker. Someone needs to tell McCarthy he can’t believe anything Tucker claims. McCarthy also said, “I have serious questions regarding this matter that must be answered…the NSA cannot be used as a political instrument.” McCarthy has called on Devin Nunes, another howler monkey, to look into this.

Matt Gaetz, a howler monkey who does NOT want anyone to look at his emails, called for an…wait for it…an investigation. Jim Jordan, another howler, is also promoting the lie…along with all his other lies.

How can anyone justify not voting to investigate a terrorist attack on our nation while calling to investigate bullshit by Tucker Carlson? If we’re going to investigate fictional shit on TV, let’s find out why Jerry hated Newman so much.

Do you know how this Tucker claim will end up? It’ll land like all the other Tucker claims.

What happened to Tucker’s claims he had documents that would incriminate the Bidens in all sort of illegal shenanigans? What happened to Tucker’s claims he had emails proving Dr. Anthony Fauci was involved in a criminal coverup of the origins of Covid-19? Tucker was OK with spying on those emails. What happened to Tucker’s claims the FBI was behind the insurrection? Do you remember anything coming from those? You don’t because nothing did.

If there is an investigation, I’m sure it’d be dropped just as soon as Republicans discovered Tucker was partly responsible for the white nationalist terrorist attack, he’s full of crap, his emails are full of gay porn, and he’s afraid of cucumbers.

 

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"Goodbye, Rummy"

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Sometimes when a famous person dies, like a political or government figure like Donald Rumsfeld, we forget their bad qualities. What isn’t mentioned enough at times, is what a piece of crap they were. Condoleeza Rice called him a “remarkable and committed public servant.” Mitch McConnell said he was one of the “nation’s fiercest defenders.”

Donald Rumsfeld was Secretary of Defense twice. It was in his second tenure where he was his worst. Gaslighting is claiming Rumsfeld was one of our nation’s “fiercest defenders” when Rumsfeld never defended our nation. The Iraq war had nothing to do with defending America.

Donald Rumsfeld, along with the entire Bush administration, used 9/11 to argue to attack Iraq and begin nation building. The thing is, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden were actually ideological opponents. We attacked the wrong country.

Sure, Saddam was a bad guy. He was the sort of dictator Donald Trump longed to become. He named big buildings and other projects after himself, like airports. He suppressed political dissent. He silenced the media. He murdered dissidents. Saddam, like Trump, gassed people. Saddam hated ethnic groups and had them murdered. But, Saddam never did attack the United States. Saddam was never a threat to our country. Donald Trump was a greater threat to the United States than either Saddam or bin Laden. Out of the three, Trump, Saddam, or bin Laden, which one’s followers was able to penetrate the United States Capitol Complex?

But we’re talking about the other Donald. Donald Rumsfeld who died last week at the age of 88. Because of Donald Rumsfeld, over 3,000 U.S. service members will never have the chance to live to the ripe old age of 88. Because of Donald Rumsfeld, over 200,000 Iraqis will never live to 88. To be fair, that war probably also killed a lot of Iraqis who were over 88. But you get my point.

Thousands of young men and women who died in Rumsfeld’s war are buried in Arlington National Cemetery. Rumsfeld should be buried in Iraq.

When Rumsfeld was the envoy to the Middle East in the Reagan administration, he shook Saddam’s hand while promising to help him defeat Iran. Rumsfeld had zero issues with Saddam’s human rights abuses or the fact he was a dictator. At that time, he was our dictator. Rumsfeld proved the war with Iraq that he helped initiate and implement decades later had nothing to do with freedom, democracy, human rights, or any principles. It was just geopolitics. If Iraq didn’t have oil, we never would have gone there. We wouldn’t have even cared in the early 90s when Iraq invaded Kuwait. In that instance, we were saving a dictatorship from a dictatorship.

It’s been reported that Rumsfeld was building an argument to attack Iraq within six hours of the planes flying into the World Trade Center. He later argued there was an alliance between Iraq and al Qaida. There was not.

Rumsfeld argued Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. They did not. He said, “Simply because you do not have evidence that something exists does not mean that you have evidence that it doesn’t exist.” We did not invade to find evidence it didn’t exist. We did not invade to prove a negative.

Rumsfeld said he even knew where those weapons were. Since they didn’t exist, he did not. January 20, 2003, Rumsfeld said, “His regime has large, unaccounted for stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, including VX, sarin, mustard gas, anthrax, botulism and possibly smallpox. And he has an active program to acquire and develop nuclear weapons.” But we never found those weapons and Saddam NEVER had a program to acquire or develop nuclear weapons that anyone could take seriously.

When U.N. inspectors, which the U.S. demanded and Iraq allowed, failed to find such weapons, Rumsfeld invaded anyway, probably because not having proof didn’t mean there wasn’t proof…or some Rumsfeldian shit like that.

Rumsfeld was also a huge advocate for our interrogation program that he and Dick Cheney liked to call, “Enhanced interrogation techniques.” Another word for that is torture. It was torture.

On November 14, 2002, Rumsfeld said, “The Gulf War in the 1990s lasted five days on the ground. I can’t tell you if the use of force in Iraq today would last five days, or five weeks or five months. But it certainly isn’t going to last any longer than that.” It lasted over a decade. Cheney said we’d be greeted a liberators. Instead, Iraq gave American-hating insurgents a place to kill Americans. It was very convenient for them.

After the invasion in April, 2003, when asked about the lawlessness running rampant through Baghdad after U.S. troops captured the Iraqi capital, Rumsfeld said, “Stuff happens.” He went on to Rumsplain it as, “It’s untidy, and freedom’s untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.” Wait. Free people are free to commit crimes? What exactly were we fighting for? Based on that logic, free people are free to hijack and fly airplanes into tall buildings.

Arguing for the war in 2002, Rumsfeld said, “As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know we don’t know.” What is known now is our invasion was based on a word salad.

Rumsfeld also said, “I don’t do quagmires,” which is ironic because the quagmire that was Iraq is his legacy.

When asked about the deaths from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Rumsfeld said, “Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.” Yeah, why can’t we talk about wars without focusing on all the dead people? Can’t we talk about World War II without bringing up the Holocaust? Sheesh! So depressing.

Looking back at all those unfortunate, and unnecessary, deaths from a war Rumsfeld started based on total lies and bullshit can be very depressing.

But the one death that does not depress me is Rumsfeld’s.

On another note: Rumsfeld loved political cartoons. Mike Luckovich, the Pulitzer-Prize winning cartoonist for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, visited the Pentagon and was challenged to a push-up contest by Rumsfeld, which Luckovich lost. After Rumsfeld’s death, other cartoonists reported incidents, with great fondness, about Rumsfeld requesting cartoons from them…and that they obliged.

I don’t play with politicians and I’m disappointed so many of my colleagues played with Rumsfeld. We cover those people. We don’t patronize them. If Rumsfeld requested a cartoon from you, that is a very notable achievement that he took note of your cartoon…but what I would have been prouder of would be telling Rumsfeld to stick it up his ass. I’m sorry so many missed that opportunity.

 

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"Prisonburgh For Weisselberg"

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The Trump Crime Family, er, the Trump Organization was charged yesterday for running a scheme to help its executives avoid paying taxes by compensating them with benefits hidden from authorities. Its top executive, Allen Weisselberg, was also charged yesterday for not paying taxes on $1.7 million in perks that should have been reported as income.

For those of you who are Trump supporters and living in yee-haw states, let me explain this in a way you may understand: Let’s say your brother-in-law, who is also your brother, helped you paint and unclog your outhouse. Instead of giving him cash, you paid him with seven cases of Milwaukee’s Best and four packs of Beech-nut chewing tobacco. You may think that’s a big payment for unclogging the shitter, but let’s assume you don’t chew your food. Anyway, you need to report the pissy beer and chew as income and pay taxes on it. For this, I’m assuming your tax bill will be around 30 cents.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office described it as a “weeping and audacious illegal payments scheme.” They said while the perks for Weisselberg were kept off the company’s books, they were still recorded in an internal spreadsheet. When you’re grifting, you gotta spread that shit out.

Keep in mind, if all of this is true, Weisselberg isn’t just the recipient of the company’s scheme, he would have been in charge of it as the company’s top executive. There is only one other person in the company in top of Weisselberg and his name is Donald J. Trump.

Trump had all sorts of things to say about this, calling it a “continuation of the witch hunt that started when I came down the escalator,” and accusing the district attorney and state’s attorneys of partisan politics. Authorities should have been looking into Trump after that time he came down the escalator talking about dating ten-year-olds.

Trump claims Weisselberg is innocent and is a good man. But what will Trump say if Weisselberg flips? Will he change his tune on his top executive the way he did on Michael Cohen?

With the company being charged, you can’t arrest a company. It’s not like they’re going to march Trump Tower off 5th Avenue and punish it by sending it to Staten Island. Usually when a corporation is convicted in a crime, no humans are held accountable…but the company may be broken up.

The big questions are: Will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will Trump be charged? Will any other goons from the corporation be charged? Will Trump’s kids be charged? Who else has been paid in perks that weren’t reported as income? Will the walls to Trump Tower come tumbling down…or the walls in Mar-a-Lago, or Trump World Tower, or Bedminster, or Doral, or Turdberry?

According to reports, Weisselberg was often paid with cars and tuition for his grandchildren. Will his next payment be in the form of incarceration? This is what loyalty to Trump gets you.

Weisselberg swears he won’t flip on Trump which reminds me of something I recently watched on Netflix.

It’s a documentary about crime in New York City in the 70s and 80s. Rudy is in the documentary which is ironic since he’ll probably be in a future documentary on crime in New York City. In this documentary, the feds were sneaking into a mob-run restaurant to search and plant wiretaps, but there was a vicious dog inside the place. That dog was all like, “You’re not coming in here, assholes. This is my home. I guard this place. They pay me in pasta and meatballs. They love me and I’m loyal in return. You’ll have to kill me before you can enter this place. Oh, what you got? You got a taser, tough guy? Oh, yeah? You think a little tasing is going to make me turn against my people? I dare you to tase me…c’mon…tase me and see what happens. See what happens, motherfu….HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!…that hurt! What the hell was that? That was the taser? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me what a taser feels like? Fuck this place. You guys can do whatever you want. I’m going over to this table and I’m gonna crawl under it stay out of your way.”

And that’s what happened. That barking and growling dog who was baring his teeth got tased, turned around, and crawled under a table. The FBI did everything they wanted to in the place while the guard dog just watched. He probably even pointed out a few things. “Hey, did you check that second cabinet? Yeah, you’ll find some weird shit in there. By the way, do you know when I’ll be able to feel my nipples again?”

Weisselberg may be facing spending the rest of his life in prison if he remains loyal to Trump. I don’t know about his nipples, but that dog’s going to turn.

 

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