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Top 10 WTF Moments in Maxhell


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Posted (edited)

Oh, fun!

1. When Teri prayed to god to remind Steve to get pizza because reminding him herself wasn’t submissive enough

2. Photoshopping the baby’s tummy at her baptism

3. When Steve’s “friend” got upset at the idea of a woman disrespecting him by swimming in her private pool in her own personal backyard because he was peeping at her from his windows and she should’ve known that and covered up

4. When we learned that Teri and Sarah get a printout every week of all the websites Steve visits to keep him accountable for not looking at porn 

5. That time Steve secretly hated Teri for no reason

6. cheese paper!

7. The part in the Moody book where Sarah thinks Indonesians don’t have soap and west Africans are impressed and excited by white people

8. Spending New Years Eve crying because people are going to hell

9. Telling the people on their mammoth cave tour that the cave is like hell

10. Their horrible stilted great conversationalist book

and one to grow on:

When Teri didn’t want to homeschool so Steve shut the kids in their rooms all day and said he’d do it when he got home from work, banking on Teri feeling bad for them and schooling after all. It worked.

And also! The time Steve almost cried because a friend might have thought he was sneaking a peek at her boobs, then he blogged about it and said her husband would answer for Steve’s uncomfortable feelings on judgment day.

Edited by VodouDoll
Remembered one more wild Max story
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Oh! And remember when Joe skipped his grandma’s funeral to propose to his wife? And when his first courtship lady called off the wedding and Steve ranted about her at conferences for YEARS afterward?

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6 hours ago, fundieundies said:

A silly remark is not an endorsement.

 

 

I need this on a t-shirt and maybe a prominent tattoo.

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

1. Terri thinking that Steve is so incompetent that he can't even out his own toothpaste on his toothbrush. 

2. Terri "trusting" Steve to pick up the pizza and just praying about it instead of calling him or texting him to remind her husband that he needs to pick up pizza for dinner. 

3. The time we read the Moody books and realized how checked out Terri really was. 

4. The time they hiked up a 14er and proceeded to blog about how they left at 4 am, woke up people who were camping, and proceeded to judge the sleeping camper for not getting up at 3:30 am to hike up the same mountain as the Maxwells. 

5. The music video they made in Colorado. I think that was them. 

6. Anna 1.0s jumpers. 

7. Christopher's entire website. 

8. The time(s) they brag about tipping their servers with fake money. 

9. The time they photoshopped a baby, as though a baby can be immodest.

10. Pizza cutter tip. 

Oh my god, yes. I forgot all about that. Joseph was singing for Elissa. My ears hurt just thinking about it. And as I'm typing, I'm remembering the name of the song - why? Why is this crap still in my head? Channels Only.

Personally, I think the entire Maxwell "music career" was one giant WTF moment. They can't sing their playing is mediocre. Steve should be given 20 lashes for forcing his children to perform like trained monkeys rather than finding something they are good at. 

Number Eleventy!!!!!! for the list - the squirting brat.

Edited by fundiefan
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16 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I don't know why this needed it's own thread. 

Anyway the Maxwells are pretty bad, but most fundies are just as awful if not worse.

I didn't think this needed a PSA but here is a helpful tip for everyone reading any internet forum:  If a thread doesn't interest you you don't have to read it.  

I know, it's crazy that some people will post things that don't interest you personally, but it's true!  It happens because other people also use the internet, hard as that may be for you to believe.  

3 hours ago, VodouDoll said:

That time Steve secretly hated Teri for no reason

What?!  I completely missed this....please someone give me a TLDR or at least enough info so I can search!

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Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Teri stressing over wanting to remind Steve to bring the pizza home but not reminding him because the's a manly man and what do you know, god rewarded her by Steve bringing home pizza! Isn't god great??!!! 

This is the first thing I think of when I think of Maxwell crazy, Pepsi being a close #2.  In not reminding Steve she was "reverencing" him which is the most unusual euphemism for passive aggression I've ever heard.  

I'm going to throw in their tablespoon and a half of mashed potatoes per person at Thanksgiving, Sarah blogging about her parents picking up some things at Costco for the "extended family" as if it was on mar with manna from Heaven.  Oh, and referring to your children as "extended family" just because they get married.  

The most Maxwellian thing for me is 1Ton Ramp where the simple womens could take a class in how to browse the internet and learn basic computer skills to be a help to their husbands if needed.  Because no woman could possibly benefit from IT skills unless it was as unpaid help to a man in their family.

OH and when someone asked Steve if they have an installment plan for 1TonRamp classes and he patronizingly explained the concept of putting cash aside for it in an envelope each week until they could pay in full.  Because explaining they don't do payment plans wouldn't have been condescending enough.  

3 hours ago, VodouDoll said:

Oh! And remember when Joe skipped his grandma’s funeral to propose to his wife? And when his first courtship lady called off the wedding and Steve ranted about her at conferences for YEARS afterward?

I wonder if Elizabeth heard the whistling of the bullet she dodged when she broke it off with Joe.  

Edited by HerNameIsBuffy
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17 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I don't know why this needed it's own thread. 

Anyway the Maxwells are pretty bad, but most fundies are just as awful if not worse.

Hey, we've got Jill's 99 Damnations, why not a repository for Steve's insanity?

7 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

1. Terri thinking that Steve is so incompetent that he can't even out his own toothpaste on his toothbrush. 

I... don't know that THAT is the reason. 

Didn't someone when this first came up mention that putting toothpaste on their client's toothbrushes is something sex workers are known to do in... I think Thailand? Where Steve was stationed at one point in his younger years?

I am still convinced Steve-o is trying to do penance for some "sin" from his youth and it's influenced how restrictive he's been with the rest of his family. Hey Steve - it doesn't work that way. The rest of your family doesn't have to do penance for your "sins". 

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Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Hey, we've got Jill's 99 Damnations, why not a repository for Steve's insanity?

I... don't know that THAT is the reason. 

Didn't someone when this first came up mention that putting toothpaste on their client's toothbrushes is something sex workers are known to do in... I think Thailand? Where Steve was stationed at one point in his younger years?

I am still convinced Steve-o is trying to do penance for some "sin" from his youth and it's influenced how restrictive he's been with the rest of his family. Hey Steve - it doesn't work that way. The rest of your family doesn't have to do penance for your "sins". 

Agreed.  She could never admit to him being incompetent, it's about subservience.  

Despite what she says I've never gotten the impression she's subservient by nature.  I see Teri more as a path of least resistance kind of helpmeet.  If he goes before her I will be very interested to see how she proceeds without him.  I don't mean I think she'll start marching for feminist causes or anything but I wouldn't be shocked if Pepsi were back on the table and maybe a bit of the beast.  (I think the schedule will stay as I've always thought that was her coping mechanism more than his.)

I would put money that you're right that the catalyst for their entire lifestyle is Steve doing penance for some long ago sin, real or imagined.  Which...doesn't their version of Jesus forgive all sins if you're genuinely sorry?  All I know is if I were looking for someone to show me the way*, religion wise, I'd want someone who seemed to exude happiness and inner peace....not a guy who lives his life more clenched than I could be on my worst day.

*Which I am not, so please no PMs asking me if I'd like to know Jesus.  We've already met.

Edited by HerNameIsBuffy
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Posted (edited)

What about one or two of the boys taking an international trip but Steve being so cagey about the destination that I'm not sure we know to this day where they went?

Edited by Howl
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  • Coconut Flan changed the title to Top 10 WTF Moments in Maxhell
17 minutes ago, Howl said:

What about one or two of the boys taking an international trip but Steve being so cagey about the destination that I'm not sure we know to this day where they went...or was that an Arndt dealio?

I had forgotten about that, it was John.  I remember Sarah posting some cryptic pics one of his backpack and a snake, iirc, but not where he went.  So weird.  

2 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Number Eleventy!!!!!! for the list - the squirting brat.

I'm sorry...what?!  I need an explanation of this :)

Oh, and we should add Steve and Teri taking Sarah to the airport specifically to people watch and point out eye traps on the heathen women including contrasting buttons.

I remember reading that thinking if my father had ever had that conversation with me, much less planned an outing around it, I'd have been so completely creeped out to have been made his confidant about what he finds sexually tempting.  Seriously he makes my uptight Catholic upbringing seem positively healthy in our don't ask don't tell when it came to sex.  

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1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

Hey, we've got Jill's 99 Damnations, why not a repository for Steve's insanity?

I... don't know that THAT is the reason. 

Didn't someone when this first came up mention that putting toothpaste on their client's toothbrushes is something sex workers are known to do in... I think Thailand? Where Steve was stationed at one point in his younger years?

I've never heard the sex worker thing. I was sort of joking, but "serving your husband" by putting toothpaste on his toothbrush and setting it out for him comes off as a passive aggressive "honey, you have bad breath, brush your teeth" kind of thing. Or it was printed as a "tip" directed at Michelle Duggar. The only other people I've ever know who needed someone to lay out what they need in the toilet are small children. 

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2 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Personally, I think the entire Maxwell "music career" was one giant WTF moment. They can't sing their playing is mediocre. Steve should be given 20 lashes for forcing his children to perform like trained monkeys rather than finding something they are good at. 

The thing with the Maxwells, for me, is that they seem so normal at first. I mean, I get up early, I go hiking on vacation. I only eat a tablespoon or two of mashed potatoes. I shop at REi, do yard work, know how to can. I eat a ridiculous amount of tacos and freeze my own burritos. But ... it's like they are aliens trying to be human.  The judgement! The blandest of bland bean dip used as a burrito filling! The bad photography! The mediocre singing! The lack of education and degrees, not to mention jobs!

They are just so average, but so judgemental and convinced that their way is best. 

I had forgotten about the time he took away John or Jesse's guitar because he was too good at playing it. What even is that about? Did he miss the parable about investing in the gifts from the farmer?

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9 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

But ... it's like they are aliens trying to be human. 

Yes, oh my gosh yes, this! 

It would make a great TV show...but hasn't that already been done? Are they the fundy version of the Cone Heads?

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5 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

I only eat a tablespoon or two of mashed potatoes.

Just to clarify I wasn't advocating eating plates of mashed potatoes :).  I just think it's weird when serving a family of that size that they rationed it that way and no left overs.

Half the joy of spending all that time preparing a huge holiday meal is having leftovers so cooking in minimal for the next few days.

To the rest of your post I totally agree.  It's the surface normalcy that throws you.  I don't drink Pepsi (or any soda), I have a cleaning schedule in excel, I make lists when I do major grocery shopping, I take bad pictures, I write things that aren't good enough to be published....see they're just like me.  

Except my daughter was not only allowed, but encouraged to have a career and choose her own relationship partners.  And my sons would both laugh themselves silly if I told them they needed to buy a house for cash before being married.  Don't even get me started on what I'd do if their father discussed his testicles and ensuing ejaculate in a wedding speech.

1 minute ago, Howl said:

Yes, oh my gosh yes, this! 

It would make a great TV show...but hasn't that already been done? Are they the fundy version of the Cone Heads?

Also Third Rock from the Sun.  But I'll take John Lithgow over Steve any day.

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If anyone tried to serve me a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, there would be overturned tables.

As far as I am concerned, the only reason for family filled holiday meals is copious amounts of mashed potatoes. 

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18 hours ago, Hane said:

I’m remembering the time the Maxmaidens celebrated Sarah’s birthday by having a “sewing party” and each of them made a different brown skirt out of their fabric stash. This activity was never heard to happen again because I bet Stevehovah struck it down as an Idol because the girls had too much f*n doing it.

I'm pretty sure that was because that was Mary's hobby and she was good at it, enjoyed it too much so of course Steve had to crush those dreams too.

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I feel like somewhere along the line Steve decided that the more you suffer on Earth, the better things are for you in heaven, and he's forcing that on his family. Anything they're too good at or enjoy too much becomes an "idol" and is forbidden. Unless he enjoys it too, then it's somehow OK.

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24 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I feel like somewhere along the line Steve decided that the more you suffer on Earth, the better things are for you in heaven, and he's forcing that on his family. Anything they're too good at or enjoy too much becomes an "idol" and is forbidden. Unless he enjoys it too, then it's somehow OK.

He would have really liked Catholicism pre-Vatican II.  My mom had stories of priests telling her suffering on earth meant less time in purgatory.  Like getting credit for time served, or something.  

 

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I’ve discussed my own parents here before. In terms of a schedule, cleaning and wearing misery like a badge of honor, my parents (85+) are certainly Maxwellian. They are also lifetime, practicing Catholics. I think they do believe this is their ticket into heaven. They are also people who have to be busy, always. Again, so the devil doesn’t come and get their idle asses. However, they also drink, eat tasty food, vacation and 100% support education and careers for All. And once we moved from their home, they did not attempt to control any of us. They are also quite socially liberal- don’t tread on their pocketbooks though-

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2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Just to clarify I wasn't advocating eating plates of mashed potatoes :).  I just think it's weird when serving a family of that size that they rationed it that way and no left overs.

Half the joy of spending all that time preparing a huge holiday meal is having leftovers so cooking in minimal for the next few days.

It is weird, especially since potatoes are so cheap. Serving everyone a heaping tablespoon makes sense for the first go-round; I think it's super rude when people take huge portions of something on their first trip to the food table. But to actually run out and realize that no one got seconds is either laziness (you aren't going to fit that much in a kitchen aid in one go) or they just don't like mashed potatoes (most people I know, half my family). There is so much other food on holidays that it shouldn't be a big deal. But it's the Maxwells, so not only do they tell us about it, they make it sound like they are the absolute worst hosts in the history of hosting a group meal. 

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Also Third Rock from the Sun.  But I'll take John Lithgow over Steve any day.

I love that show so much. Steve, not so much. 

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24 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

It is weird, especially since potatoes are so cheap. Serving everyone a heaping tablespoon makes sense for the first go-round; I think it's super rude when people take huge portions of something on their first trip to the food table. But to actually run out and realize that no one got seconds is either laziness (you aren't going to fit that much in a kitchen aid in one go) or they just don't like mashed potatoes (most people I know, half my family). There is so much other food on holidays that it shouldn't be a big deal. But it's the Maxwells, so not only do they tell us about it, they make it sound like they are the absolute worst hosts in the history of hosting a group meal. 

I love that show so much. Steve, not so much. 

If you know your family well and know their preferences, you can certainly prepare for them to have heaping helpings of their favorites. 

For my immediate family, we know that mashed potatoes are pretty much more of the main course than any meat. We all mostly like dark meat turkey. About half us us prefer ham over turkey for holidays that aren't Thanksgiving. There are two kinds of stuffing eaters- normally prepared and then a pan of "crispy", very well cooked. Very few like whipped cream with their pumpkin pie and most prefer ice cream - vanilla and pecan. We like brussels sprouts and asparagus and zucchini/squash in any form for our veggies but don't bring corn and expect anyone to eat it.

Point being is if you know your guests and have the same holiday meals with them every year, you, as the host / the one bringing the dish, are the one who determines if it "runs out" or there is enough for everyone to have as much as they want. In Maxhell, they have their menu practically laminated. By now, I think they would know what the preferred selections are and care enough about their guests to provide enough of those choices. 

It is impossible to please everyone in everything, but if your family is pretty much the same people for each holiday every year, if you pay attention you should be more than capable of providing a meal that fills them all and satisfies most of their preferences, or at least some of them. Intentionally planning exactly what everyone is allowed to eat and how much is...so Maxwellian it's pathetic. 

 

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My top WTFMaxwell moment comes from the time a few years back I attended the dog and pony show. Teri was talking to the moms while Steve talked to the dads, and she told us about one woman she'd been visiting with in her home. The woman's young daughter was running around and being loud, like kids do. Teri told us that the woman stopped her daughter, got down on her knees to get on her daughter's level, and said in a soft tone "Little ladies have little voices."

I was horrified, and even more so when Teri smiled at us and said "Isn't that just great?" She went on to talk about I don't even remember what, because I was so shocked. I come from a relatively conservative background, but my parents would never have stolen their daughters' voices like that. What a retrogressive, absolutely soul-crushing thing to say to a girl. No wonder the baby voice is endemic in fundiedom.

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The thing with Maxwell mashed potatoes is you know they’re going to be the blandest, most tasteless mashed potatoes on earth. As a kid, I disliked mashed potatoes because the standard in the 60s and 70s was perfectly smooth mashed potatoes with no lumps and no added flavoring. Housewives were judged on how lump-free their mashed potatoes were. Once the vogue for mashed potatoes with lumps and spices came in, I developed a taste for them. But I bet the Maxwells’ two tablespoons are of the lump less, flavorless kind. Much like the rest of their lives. 

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1 hour ago, Maggie Mae said:

It is weird, especially since potatoes are so cheap. Serving everyone a heaping tablespoon makes sense for the first go-round; I think it's super rude when people take huge portions of something on their first trip to the food table. But to actually run out and realize that no one got seconds is either laziness (you aren't going to fit that much in a kitchen aid in one go) or they just don't like mashed potatoes (most people I know, half my family). There is so much other food on holidays that it shouldn't be a big deal. But it's the Maxwells, so not only do they tell us about it, they make it sound like they are the absolute worst hosts in the history of hosting a group meal. 

I love that show so much. Steve, not so much. 

It actually isn't weird. I bet Teri or Nathan or someone loves mashed potatoes. And that someone (for some reason I see it as one of the older boys) ate too many one year. So Steve banned big bowls of them just to teach discipline.

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55 minutes ago, Talitha Cumi said:

No wonder the baby voice is endemic in fundiedom.

Now I'm curious, does Teri talk with the baby voice?  Does she do the fundy gaze adoringly at her headship?  I've never seen that and she doesn't strike me as the type for either, but I miss stuff so now I'm dying to know.

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