Top 10 WTF Moments in Maxhell

[fundiewatch]

9 hours ago, usmcmom said:

And of course, bean burritos because Steve decided everybody preferred those to burritos that contain meat. 

Small correction: Steve came to the realization that they didn’t taste different than burritos with meat and it’s cheaper to omit the beans, so beans for all. And I still think NR Anna is rebelling with her store bought tortillas and seasoned beef. 

[Rosie]

On 6/7/2021 at 7:11 PM, fundiefan said:

I often find myself wising I had saved the wedding "report". I read it on Wayback and can never find it again when I want to reference it. It was so many kinds of crazy it really should have been memorialized. 

Your wish is my command.

http://web.archive.org/web/20020603150842/http://titus2.com/wedding/index.html

[SPHASH]

2 hours ago, Rosie said:

Your wish is my command.

http://web.archive.org/web/20020603150842/http://titus2.com/wedding/index.html

The engagement story is a hoot too, especially where Nathan had to get permission from both sets of parents to be alone with Melanie when he popped the question.

[Alisamer]

2 hours ago, Rosie said:

Your wish is my command.

http://web.archive.org/web/20020603150842/http://titus2.com/wedding/index.html

Wow. Report is the right word for that. Most of it is written like an alien had been invited to observe the proceedings and was taking notes!

[Black Aliss]

17 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Wow. Report is the right word for that. Most of it is written like an alien had been invited to observe the proceedings and was taking notes!

Because I am at heart a 12 year old boy, I can't help but think this is actually the same thing as when Papa Morton takes his sons out for lunch to explain "the way of a man with his maiden" because, seriously, doing car maintenance on your wedding day, even if it was already on the schedule when they chose the date? 

Quote

 Nathan couldn't sleep so he got up, had his quiet time, and then changed his oil while Steve helped him with a tune up. 

 

Quote

The night before Steve had called Nathan's granddad and asked if he would rent a furniture dolly in the morning so they could move his fridge from the garage into the kitchen. 

snip>

Nathan, Steve and the two cousins moved his fridge upstairs.

I'm so confused. Is Nathan's granddad Steve's father or father-in-law. And whose fridge is it? The first sentence sounds like Granddad needs a fridge moved from his garage into the kitchen, although how many people  does it take to move a refrigerator anyway and why couldn't Nathan, Steve, and Chris have managed that. And the second sentence sounds like it's a fridge that's going into Nathan's new home.

Also, what did that have to do with the wedding? I guess if a fridge was being moved from Grandad's garage to Nathan's house (all the way across the street) it's relevant to Nathan beginning a new life.

So many snarkable details, but I love this stern warning from the Pastor, which was clearly directed at the guests, since neither Melanie nor Nathan was around to hear it:

Quote

The Pastor did a welcome about the gravity of marriage and no divorce.

And this woman was allowed to homeschool her children. No wonder the kids are such terrible writers.

[Alisamer]

Yeah - changing the oil and tuning up the car on the morning of the wedding? Really? I mean I know most men don't spend that much time getting ready, but that seems like something you'd do before that. And didn't it say they were flying to Colorado for their honeymoon? It's not like they were driving there!

That said, I might have to ask my dad if he remembers what he did the morning of his wedding. I could totally see him tuning up and washing the car. But they did drive a few hours for their honeymoon so it made a bit more sense. And it was an awesome car. (68 Dodge Coronet RT, blue metallic flake with white bumblebee stripes.)

Also I wonder if there were any pranks pulled on the happy couple? That seems like an unmaxwellian thing so maybe not.

At my parents wedding someone slipped an open container of sardines onto a flat part of the engine so it'd smell awful once it heated up, and another instead of throwing rice threw an entire box of keypunch chips (little plastic dots, I think?) at them as they were getting in the car. They were still finding those when they sold the car nearly a decade later. 

For my sister and her hubby we had the pianist at the rehearsal play "It's a great big beautiful tomorrow" from Carrousel of Progress at Disney World instead of the recessional they'd chosen. My sister HATES that song. It was pretty funny!

[fundiewatch]

Maybe my favorite part: “The Conference Center had a punch fountain that was used but necessitated a punch with no pulp in it.” ? 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

25 minutes ago, fundiewatch said:

Maybe my favorite part: “The Conference Center had a punch fountain that was used but necessitated a punch with no pulp in it.” ? 

Sometimes they seem almost human and then they post something like this and I'm again convinced they are really aliens trying to blend in on earth.  Like the men in black.

[Lady Grass Lake]

3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

 

Also I wonder if there were any pranks pulled on the happy couple? That seems like an unmaxwellian thing so maybe not.

 

There have been so many car related wedding pranks in my husband's family, that the bride and groom make sure their car is hidden and safe.  Cars jacked up on blocks with tires missing, cars filled with ballons are among the favorites.

Had a friend whose family went into their apartment while they were on their honeymoon and rearranged all their furniture, bedroom set in the kitchen, kitchen table in the bathroom, labels off the canned goods (with single letters written on the top of the cans and more.  Friend and her husband got home earlier than expected, were hopping mad.  They angrily put the house back together and went to bed exhausted.  They got a call about 10 :00 p.m. but refused to answer it.  A little while later their door bell rang, and it was the pranksters, with pizza's and booze ready to help rearrange the mess they made, along with a list of what the codes meant on the canned goods.  Bride and Groom slammed the door in their faces and refused to talk to anyone for months.  

[fundiefan]

So, about the fountain & punch....did they know beforehand that you can't have punch with pulp? Did they already have all their punch, that included pulp, and then find out they couldn't use it? 

I fail to see the relevance of saying the fountain only took non-pulp punch if it didn't impact on the story. If you knew in advance, and bought punch without pulp, it's a completely irrelevant to even mention. It's like saying your underwear is white. It does';t matter to the story or anything else. Who the eff cares?

But, if it only takes punch without pulp and you already had all the punch but it included pulp - - then you missed telling half the story! When did you find out? Were you able to exchange the pulp filled punch for non pulp filled punch? Did you get it all exchanged and into the fountain just in the nick of time? Did you lose a lot of money on punch with pulp because you couldn't find a receipt? Did you have to send the two cousins to five different stores to get enough pulp free punch? 

Communication in Maxhell - - it doesn't exist, even with all those books they "write" and self publish. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

This sounds like the most boring wedding ever. I'm so glad I wan't invited, not that I would be. 

Many years ago a group  of us were invited to the wedding of a friend we all knew from grad school. He was a little nerdy, but a nice guy -- a normal guy.  However, his family and the bride's family were super strict Southern Baptists. The no dancing, no drinking, no movies, no card playing, no sense of humor, everyone except us is going straight to hell SBs.

All of us were seated in the very back of the sanctuary on the groom's side, with empty row between us and the rest of the invitees. And why you ask? Because his and her families knew none of us were SBs and they didn't want us mixed in with the true Christians. It was a very fancy wedding -- 8 bridesmaids, 8 grooms men, flower girls, everyone super dressed up.

The wedding reception was in the church hall in the basement.  There were about 100 guests at this wedding. The reception line took For. Ever. There was no music at all.

There was 1 punch bowl of ginger ale-lime sherbet punch. Everyone got one of those tiny bathroom paper cups of punch.  There was a large-ish sheet cake cut into slivers and a very small 2-layer "wedding cake" with the bride/groom topper.  That was for the cake cutting.  The was a bowl of mixed nuts -- mostly peanuts. and there was a tray of homemade mints, probably about 50 -- not even one apiece.

That was it,; That was the reception food. One of us had the presence of mind to bring a cooler with Cokes, bourbon, ice and some snacks in their trunk. Our group kept sneaking out to the parking lot to fortify ourselves and take a quick smoke (I said it was many years ago).

The reception lasted exactly 90 minutes. At the 90-minute mark our friend's older sister got up, thanked everyone for coming, told us to drive safely going home, and that the happy couple were leaving. So....... everyone started to file out As the couple walked to their car the bride threw her bouquet directly to her sister. There was no rice throwing, no cheering the couple. We all waved good-bye . And that was it.

Our group headed to the nearest bar for drinks and mass quantities of deep-fried bar food and then huge cheeseburgers.. We heard form our friend later that his family was scandalized that we were smoking in the church parking lot. Well ....... in our defense we were far away from the church and why were they spying on us. anyway.

Sad to say -- or maybe better for my friend, the bride reverted to her super strict SB upbringing and they were divorced 6 years later. 

[johnhugh]

The time when Uriah’s drivers seat was vibrating and they could not understand way. It turned out to be Stevie’s sunglasses stuck, they laughed all evening just like cheese paper.

I have good memories of Marge S, Kylie M and Tom of Finland etc commenting on the blog. 

[ClareDeLune]

The wedding report is priceless thank you! ??? Poor Melanie with the detailed description of dropping her Kleenex at the wedding, and eating her yoghurt in the wedding car! I hope she knew his family were bonkers before the 'report' came out ???

Edited June 12, 2021 by ClareDeLune

[SPHASH]

8 hours ago, ClareDeLune said:

The wedding report is priceless thank you! ??? Poor Melanie with the detailed description of dropping her Kleenex at the wedding, and eating her yoghurt in the wedding car! I hope she knew his family were bonkers before the 'report' came out ???

My favorite part of the wedding report was the rehearsal dinner.  Steve and Teri went to "great pains" in setting up the seating chart and how everyone would be served only to have those plans deep sixed by the wait staff.

Edited June 12, 2021 by SPHASH

[GreenBeans]

On 6/10/2021 at 7:43 PM, fundiewatch said:

Maybe my favorite part: “The Conference Center had a punch fountain that was used but necessitated a punch with no pulp in it.” ? 

I think my favorite part was:

“Nathan carried his bride down the outside stairs to Grandad and his car that was taking them to the reception. They drove around just a bit while Melanie ate some yogurt, although my family is convinced there might have been a few more kisses as well.”

Why on earth would you out that info into a blog post about your son’s wedding? Or anyone’s wedding, really.

[browngrl]

I keep getting a 503 error when I look for that wedding post. I'm assuming either because the server is overloaded or I'm a fool who doesn't know what she is doing. Either way I'm occupying my time cutting lettuce for supper with a pizza cutter and sipping a Pepsi in honour of this thread ?

[Jigsaw3]

For all their vaunted organizational skills, that wedding post makes the Maxwells look incredibly disorganized.

• They didn't realize the organist/church were only available for an hour for rehearsal.
• They weren't done the rehearsal after an hour. I have never been at a rehearsal that took longer than 45 minutes, even with a huge wedding party. How much bloviating was Steve doing? Or how disorganized were they?
• The infamous Sprite/Coke distribution incident at the rehearsal dinner.
• Waiting until the morning of the wedding to set up the fridge in the kitchen of the newlyweds' home.
• The girls had to rush to complete their dressing on time
• The best man didn't have the rings.
• Nathan forgot the cake he wanted for their hotel room.

Sure, one or two of those little snafus would be normal at any wedding, but all together it doesn't reflect well on their family's planning skills. I agree with you all that the overscheduling is an attempt to mask Teri's depression, but I wonder if it is also an attempt to keep their family on track? The generally disorganized/cluttered look of their house is another clue here.

[Howl]

On 6/10/2021 at 3:47 PM, Lady Grass Lake said:

Had a friend whose family went into their apartment while they were on their honeymoon and rearranged all their furniture

Incredibly serious breach of personal space/boundaries, not to mention the couple's privacy.  I'm surprised it was ever really forgiven. 

 

28 minutes ago, Jigsaw3 said:

For all their vaunted organizational skills, that wedding post makes the Maxwells look incredibly disorganized.

I wonder if Steve's iron grip on every. f**king. thing. means no one can really relax and enjoy anything, and makes it impossible to make any independent decision.  And when I say independent decision, I mean NOTHING gets done without Steve's approval -- nothing, which makes everything a mess, because everybody is worried about whether Steve will approve of any little thing, rather that just getting stuff done. But nobody can remind Steve of anything or suggest anything, because patriarchy, leading to chaos. 

Remember when Teri couldn't remind Steve to pick up the pizza?

 

[mango_fandango]

I always love the comment “the couple dismissing us by rows was great”. I mean, really?? What a bizarre thing to comment on!!

[HoneyBunny]

2 hours ago, Howl said:

Incredibly serious breach of personal space/boundaries, not to mention the couple's privacy.  I'm surprised it was ever really forgiven. 

 

I wonder if Steve's iron grip on every. f**king. thing. means no one can really relax and enjoy anything, and makes it impossible to make any independent decision.  And when I say independent decision, I mean NOTHING gets done without Steve's approval -- nothing, which makes everything a mess, because everybody is worried about whether Steve will approve of any little thing, rather that just getting stuff done. But nobody can remind Steve of anything or suggest anything, because patriarchy, leading to chaos. 

Remember when Teri couldn't remind Steve to pick up the pizza?

 

I also remember when, quite recently, Sarah announced  that Teri found time in their schedule for them to do some (IIRC) inane housework task. I was thinking, “How old are you Sarah?  Do you still not control your own schedule?”

[mango_fandango]

53 minutes ago, HoneyBunny said:

I also remember when, quite recently, Sarah announced  that Teri found time in their schedule for them to do some (IIRC) inane housework task. I was thinking, “How old are you Sarah?  Do you still not control your own schedule?”

Maybe there’s a whole family schedule as well as the individual ones? 

[HoneyBunny]

Rereading the “wedding story” I am again struck by how traumatized they all were when their brother moved across the street. Of course, in a normal family, kids start moving away from the nuclear family when they are in high school, with sports and activities and camps, etc, and then college further widens the gap. There are a series of smaller grievings (though admittedly the college one is always tough) spread over several years. By the time a child is married, he/she has very likely lived outside the house and maybe even the city/state for a number of years. The wedding is a happier, though still sentimental occasion, but there isn’t the full on bereavement that the Maxwells seem to have gone through. 

[Hane]

5 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I always love the comment “the couple dismissing us by rows was great”. I mean, really?? What a bizarre thing to comment on!!

I thought the same thing when I read it, but later learned that, in some USAdian communities, this is a practice done at some church weddings in lieu of a receiving line.

[MamaJunebug]

9 minutes ago, Hane said:

I thought the same thing when I read it, but later learned that, in some USAdian communities, this is a practice done at some church weddings in lieu of a receiving line.

IME it’s better than the receiving line in the church narthex. Attendees get to sit rather than stand on line and the couple can better shoosh long-winded Guests along and get to the next pew. 

[fundiefan]

10 hours ago, HoneyBunny said:

I also remember when, quite recently, Sarah announced  that Teri found time in their schedule for them to do some (IIRC) inane housework task. I was thinking, “How old are you Sarah?  Do you still not control your own schedule?”

God, this. So much.

What kind of life are you living when you have to wait for your mom to "find" some time for something in their schedule? I mean, we're not talking find the time for an overnight trip to the Mall of America or something. We're talking finding time to clean the bathroom cabinets, or whatever innocuous task they come up with. 

It boggles my mind that grown adults wait for another grown adult to "find" time / dictate time for tasks to get done. In the home they live in. There are five grown adults in the fathership these days and you need to wait for mom to find f*cking time to clean something? Seriously, WTF is wrong with you? That is an unhealthy and unproductive level on enmeshment & co-dependency.