Bontrager/Bowers 8: Cringeworthy

[JermajestyDuggar]

26 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Marlin lives in an alternate universe and we have mounds of evidence that Becky has no heart or soul. Neither of those ways of existing are compatible with compassion, love or support of a loved one.

They like the numbers - how many of their offspring they have and how many of them are married;  how many grandchildren they have. Then they like the ones with a penis - note the words/language used to describe the girls vs boys when they posted about their grandchildren - as well as a history of blog posts that show the way girls & boys are treated very differently. Then there are her discipline posts. The kids all call Becky "mother" - not mom, mommy, momma, just mother. In every context & reference. 

I don't think they are loving people at all and don't care about their kids or grandkids beyond what they get out of them. 

I think it’s why the siblings seemed so close and why Allison dated her brothers. I don’t think they have a close bond with their parents but they have close bonds with each other. And that’s why Allison was so depressed when her brothers and sister got married. She lost the people she was closest to. 

[ophelia]

11 hours ago, usmcmom said:

We believe in birth control, working moms and women in pants and I think we are more excited about “our” baby than the Bontrager family is about any of their babies. I’m not surprised it has not been on the family blog yet. They really only look at each grandkid as a number. 

Maybe they already know that Allison is having a girl. Marlin and Becky only seem to be excited about grandsons. They are disgusting!!

@usmcmom congrats to you!! And a healthy and safe delivery for the pregnant mama!

My mother becomes a grandma for the first time and she is soooo excited. We were talking on the phone the other day and she was walking our dog when I suddenly heard her yelling "I'm becoming a grandma". She obviously met someone she knows during her walk, but couldn't come closer due to social distancing. It made me giggle.

 

[Foudeb]

I agree something feels very off about Alison. 

I wonder if she voiced her doubts about her groom and got told oh don't worry, you won't care when you get a child. And now with a child on the way she has to squash every last bit of doubt back inside. That would make you resent the pregnancy. 

[ophelia]

I thought once she was married, she would post about how she decorated her house, all the dinners she cooked for her headship, how she integrated herself in a new church community and met lots of new people, coffee dates with her sister-in-laws and so on. And I'd bet that she expected her life quite similiar to that. But nothing like that ever happened! Instead she is only posting self-assuring crap about the glories of marriage and drops the babynews as if it was nothing.

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, ophelia said:

Maybe they already know that Allison is having a girl. Marlin and Becky only seem to be excited about grandsons. They are disgusting!!

Helferichs are very similar. It wouldn't surprise me if Jeremiah (or his parents) are disappointed because it's a girl. I hope I'm wrong!

Bontragers are worse than other fundies. Most fundies celebrate having girls (yes, with sexist pink and bows, but at least the girl is welcome!). There are no bigger parties for boys or longer posts or more pictures. But in Bontragers familiy, boys are clearly prefered. 

 

15 minutes ago, ophelia said:

I thought once she was married, she would post about how she decorated her house, all the dinners she cooked for her headship, how she integrated herself in a new church community and met lots of new people, coffee dates with her sister-in-laws and so on. And I'd bet that she expected her life quite similiar to that. But nothing like that ever happened! Instead she is only posting self-assuring crap about the glories of marriage and drops the babynews as if it was nothing.

I thought the same, but if she is having a real hard pregnancy, she can't decor or cook or go out. I suppose she wanted to paint the walls and change some forniture, but has been unable to do it.

 

[ophelia]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Helferichs are very similar. It wouldn't surprise me if Jeremiah (or his parents) are disappointed because it's a girl. I hope I'm wrong!

Bontragers are worse than other fundies. Most fundies celebrate having girls (yes, with sexist pink and bows, but at least the girl is welcome!). There are no bigger parties for boys or longer posts or more pictures. But in Bontragers familiy, boys are clearly prefered. 

 

I thought the same, but if she is having a real hard pregnancy, she can't decor or cook or go out. I suppose she wanted to paint the walls and change some forniture, but has been unable to do it.

 

The sexism in the Bontrager family is really disturbing and way more visible than in other families. For example I never had a feeling that the Bateseses or Duggars prefer grandsons over grandgirls (still horrible people and so on...!)

Maybe she really has a hard pregnancy, but I could also see her being unable to decorate and so on because it is not her house and she isn't allowed to make any changes.

[Lgirlrocks]

Alison could work if she wanted to. She can work when her husband is home, nights and weekends. I don’t know that she will though. She could also get a stay at home job. She did manage a hotel I’m sure she could help with some type of management. 
I agree that maybe she is disappointed in her life and maybe she doesn’t understand why. I was taught growing up that sex was saved for the person you marry, after you marry them. If you sleep around you will get hurt. I decided that I wasn’t going to put pressure on myself if I had premarital sex. I knew too many people that did and it made things bad if they didn’t wait. I have had several partners and haven’t married. If I had waited I probably would have been disappointed. Sex is complicated. I have only been in one serious relationship, it ended with me being dumped without cause or reason. If we had married right off the bat he probably would have divorced me. He went through a crises and chose to end things. He never told me why. Relationships are hard work. If they, Alison and jeremiah, never fight or argue they won’t grow. Fighting and arguing is just a part of a healthy relationship. Even friends fight sometimes. Life would be so boring if everyone got a long all of the time. 

[CaptainFunderpants]

On 2/17/2021 at 1:31 PM, MomJeans said:

JermajestyDuggar called it!  I just hope her prenatal care is more than a couple of vials of essential oils. 

Okay, this makes so much sense as to why her sister-in-law is hosting the Young Women's Retreat, and not Allison.  

Excuse me? I called it. Literally the post right before Jermajesty.

[deborahlynn1979]

Allison posted THE most romantic photograph on her Instagram: she and Jeremiah kissing in a bland hotel hallway, arms draped limply at their sides. 

SWOON!!

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

Allison posted THE most romantic photograph on her Instagram: she and Jeremiah kissing in a bland hotel hallway, arms draped limply at their sides. 

SWOON!!

Who took a picture of them kissing in that sterile looking hallway? It’s kind of creepy to think about. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I haven't seen evidence of this, but I wouldn't be surprised if the babies with the Bontrager surname get preference. 

The hierarchy seems to be 1. grandsons 2. granddaughters. But I could also see the hierarchy being 1. Bontrager grandsons 2. non-Bontrager Grandsons. 3. Bontrager granddaughters 4. non-Bontrager granddaughters.

[MomJeans]

2 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Excuse me? I called it. Literally the post right before Jermajesty.

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to insult you.  I don't always read every single post.  I just come here for fun.

[nelliebelle1197]

2 hours ago, MomJeans said:

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to insult you.  I don't always read every single post.  I just come here for fun.

Don't worry about it. If anyone is insulted, it is on them. And some people have histories of being difficult and creating reddit subs to complain about FJ, then pretend they didn't.

Edited February 20, 2021 by nelliebelle1197

[Bluebirdbluebell]

New blog post from Allison! Announcing the baby on the blog! 

She's using the same photo as on Instagram.  Lots of comments on the post as expected. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

The fact that pregnancy is not what she expected is no surprise to me. I think marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and parenting won’t be what she expected. I think Allison had some very specific expectations for all of those things and none of it will go as she planned. 

[Ozlsn]

For some reason "we just celebrated 6 months of marriage and spent our first Valentine's together married. What a blessing!" is cracking me up.

"We didn't kill each other in the first 6 months of living with his parents. What a blessing!"

[Melissa1977]

Her lack of passion is incredible. She sounds cold, like a bot. She wasn't like that.

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

Allison seems to channel JRod as an influence for tone and husband adoration when she writes

[LurkerOverThePond]

16 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Her lack of passion is incredible. She sounds cold, like a bot. She wasn't like that.

She definitely sounds very different from what she was before her incredible marriage. Let's hope she is "just" too nauseous and tired to give any more effort to write something more elaborate.

[fundiefan]

2 hours ago, LurkerOverThePond said:

She definitely sounds very different from what she was before her incredible marriage. Let's hope she is "just" too nauseous and tired to give any more effort to write something more elaborate.

She had more enthusiasm for the "ladies retreat" her sister in law is now doing in her place. 

[Sops2]

"All in all......"

I don't think anything has gone the way Allison expected.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, Sops2 said:

"All in all......"

I don't think anything has gone the way Allison expected.

 

Life rarely does! My life did not go the way I wanted. Not even close. But I adapted and adjusted my expectations. It has helped to do that. I hope she can adapt and adjust. Otherwise she in for many years of unhappiness she will never be able to express openly. 

Edited February 21, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[HereticHick]

23 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Her lack of passion is incredible. She sounds cold, like a bot. She wasn't like that.

I wonder if she isn't happy with her inlaws, or her housing. I also wonder if Ma and Pa Helferich disapprove of her blogging.

[Black Aliss]

It's gotta' suck, though, living with his parents. Even my independent adult offspring tend to regress a bit when they come home, and I don't cater to them, at least not any more than I would cater to any houseguest.  If anything, I probably cater more to their spouses, knowing they don't feel quite as at home here as my kids do. 

Jeremiah's mama just might be in competition with Allison for his affections. If so, Allison is probably feeling like the third wheel.

Why, exactly, are they living with his parents? Did the Helferich's not buy Steve Maxwell's book on preparing your son's to buy their house with cash?

[postscript]

Looking at her Instagram, the body language is telling. In every photo, she’s gazing at him adoringly, and he’s barely touching her. They look uncomfortable together even by fundy standards. Nurie and Nathan, married about the same time, look far more at ease together. I hope Allison and Jeremiah are less stiff in private, but I’m not holding my breath.