Bontrager/Bowers 8: Cringeworthy

[Bluebirdbluebell]

37 minutes ago, Foudeb said:

I'm not browngrl but my theories are:

- a big healthy "premature" baby. Everyone is too ashamed of the premarital sex to look excited. 

- a baby with a serious birth defect, like not having a penis. No point getting excited for a girl. 

- baby fatigue. Alison probably had a hand raising her younger siblings. She's seen a lot of her niblings. 'nother one? Mmmok. 

- depression. She's far away from the family she used to date. The new people in her life may not be very nice to her. Pregnancy can be rough. Marriage is likely not the unmitigated bliss she expected. 

Post-partum is the time in a woman's life when she is most likely to commit suicide. Babies are not just the unicorn and rainbows they're sold as. 

- nasty in-laws and / or husband treating her like a vessel for the precious helferich spawn and nothing else. 

And I could go on. Just to be clear, this is 100% unfounded speculation. 

Post-partum literally translate after birth. She can be depressed, but she's not post-partum until she give birth.

The in-laws seem a lot like her family.

Treating her like a vessel would probably result in displayed ultrasound photos.

They've celebrated both Carolina's pregnancies more, so it's that this is a girl. 

Of all the possibilities you've raised, the timing is the most interesting, because she seems to be having a honeymoon baby. 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Something that no one talks about is depression during pregnancy. It’s real and much more prevalent than people think since everyone seems to think women are supposed to be so happy when they are pregnant. 

[ElizaB]

I wouldn't read too much into the lack of the Bonts posting. They have never been super consistent with their posting and now that Liz has taken over I'm sure she is just getting used to it. They are also on tour right now so posting on the blog is probably not a priority. 

[ophelia]

9 hours ago, browngrl said:

Some theories:

1. Alison is not happy and she made the mistake of talking to her mother or worse her father about it. The Bont parents seem like they would treat any deviation from "sweet" as being ungodly so Alison is being punished by a cold shoulder from the family. Also, I can totally see Becky (and maybe her MIL) being all "well I did it and ran a farm and looked after eleventy kids so you can too" and making Alison feel even worse.

2. The baby has a significant anomaly. Fundies are only  allowed to see a child as a blessing and abortion would never be considered no matter how severe the anomaly. Alison might not have the strength or will to spin this positively just yet.Maybe her family is blaming her for the issue (I can totally see Marlin blaming the woman for a pregnancy related issue)

3. Her husband is controlling her and is cutting off access to her family and worst of all Marlin and Becky are ok with it.

 

Anyway, I'm on the speculation bus so why not join me?

Thank you, @browngrl for sharing your speculations with us. I'll join you, although I have nothing really new to offer.

1. I think it is absolutely possible that she shared her unhappiness with her mother and Becky came across quite harsh. To be honest that lady really scares me and she has nothing motherly or warm around her if you ask me. The Bontager parents seem to be extremely strict and rigid.
Mother Helferich also appeared to be rather distanced. (All I can do is judge by pictures - I know!)

2. I really really hope the baby is healthy. That would really be a worst case scenario and my heart would really go out for her.

3. Absolutely possible and extremely sad. I think worse than cutting her off from her parents would be cutting her off from her siblings, especially from Chelsy.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Personally I think that if a fundie was dealing with depression during pregnancy, it would be even more ignored and shamed than in mainstream culture. These people act like it’s the best part of a woman’s life to be pregnant because they are all about arrows for Jesus. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[ophelia]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Personally I think that if a fundie was dealing with depression during pregnancy, it would be even more ignored and shamed than in mainstream culture. These people act like it’s the best part of a woman’s life to be pregnant because they are all about arrows for Jesus. 

YES. And just now Allison posted a story on IG telling is that "motherhood is a high calling" and that we shouldn't follow those ebil feminist beliefs that tell us otherwise.

[Melissa1977]

7 minutes ago, ophelia said:

YES. And just now Allison posted a story on IG telling is that "motherhood is a high calling" and that we shouldn't follow those ebil feminist beliefs that tell us otherwise.

Followed by a bunch of wedding photos. We have already seen them all. Why not pregnancy pictures? A post about the stuff she has for the baby? A post about the beauty of motherhood? Or whatever other thing!  She only talks about marriage in vague words and nothing else.

[JermajestyDuggar]

16 minutes ago, ophelia said:

YES. And just now Allison posted a story on IG telling is that "motherhood is a high calling" and that we shouldn't follow those ebil feminist beliefs that tell us otherwise.

The fact that she’s not sharing any recent photos makes me think she’s probably feeling pretty crappy. When you are sick and tired and achy from pregnancy, the last thing on your mind is doing your hair and makeup and taking pics. I remember just wanting to lay around in sweats. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[usedbicycle]

A couple things come to my mind here. Apologies for the long post.

When Allison announced her engagement on instagram, a commenter said something like "oh, I didn't think you two were still together". Most of the other comments from her girlfriends were like "What? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend!?" It struck me at the time because it implied that she didn't talk about this guy very much around her, and at least one friend assumed that relationship was dead. When couples are well-matched, comments are more along the lines of "it's about time!", "best news ever", "you two are made for each other".

So I very much believe this was a mariage of convenience that her father convinced her to accept after some kind of other failed relationship. This guy ticked all the boxes in Marlin's mind, and it was a way for Allison to get back at her previous love interest who didn't take her to the altar. 

Let's not forget that long "DO NOT SETTLE" post, 2 weeks after her engagement, about the qualities of a marriageable man. It was supposed to be about Jeremiah's great character but instead it read as a sad post about past regrets and spurned love: "A real man won’t leave you wondering if he is serious about life and following Christ- he will prove it by the way he lives today." Her message felt salty... not the writing of a woman in love.

Fundie girls, like women in the 1800's, feel like good matches are scarce and their time on the marriage market is ticking away. So in the absence of a love match, they feel like their options are to accept a decent proposal or end up like Sarah Maxwell.

Of course this is all speculation and doesn't explain her apparent lack of enthusiasm at this pregnancy. I can only imagine it is kicking her butt and the Minnesota winter blues is not helping. (My last pregnancy only got worse over time, physically and emotionally. I never experienced the "easy" second trimester. I had crazy mood swings, sciatica, acid reflux so bad I couldn't sleep and total body dysmorphia. I took very few pictures of myself pregnant - and of course looking back I was beautiful and regret it. I don't wish these feelings on anyone.)

 

[ophelia]

4 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

A couple things come to my mind here. Apologies for the long post.

When Allison announced her engagement on instagram, a commenter said something like "oh, I didn't think you two were still together". Most of the other comments from her girlfriends were like "What? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend!?" It struck me at the time because it implied that she didn't talk about this guy very much around her, and at least one friend assumed that relationship was dead. When couples are well-matched, comments are more along the lines of "it's about time!", "best news ever", "you two are made for each other".

I didn't realize there were comments like that. Those would have made me feel quite uncomfortable. But IIRC Chelsy also stated something like "nobody knew something was brewing between us" and people were quite surprised. But then again there was such obvious chemistry between these two that nobody had any doubts.

[Lgirlrocks]

what is “man food” and what makes it outstanding? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

13 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

what is “man food” and what makes it outstanding? 

Every time I see stuff like this, I just think these guys are acting like Tim the tool man Taylor.” Do you remember Home Improvement? He would grunt like a Neanderthal and that was how he showed how manly he was. I just imagine all these guys grunting at each other all weekend while they eat rare steaks without a shirt on. 

[Lgirlrocks]

16 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Every time I see stuff like this, I just think these guys are acting like Tim the tool man Taylor.” Do you remember Home Improvement? He would grunt like a Neanderthal and that was how he showed how manly he was. I just imagine all these guys grunting at each other all weekend while they eat rare steaks without a shirt on. 

I would think they would keep their shirts on for modesty reasons ? what if a guy sinned because he saw another guy shirtless? 

[neurogirl]

I'm picturing a weekend full of these:

[postscript]

Well, Bro Gary refers to his beloved weenie gravy as “man food eating.” 

And another vote for the Allison-Jeremiah marriage as being either semi-arranged or on the rebound from another failed relationship. I suspect both fathers told their children to start praying about the other as a possible partner. Allison and Jeremiah liked each other well enough, and the match was made. I hope I’m wrong, but they lack the joy of typical newlyweds. 

[fundiefan]

No idea what the hell "man food" is. But, I'm sure it doesn't include salads or ham sliders or chicken salad sandwiches. I'm also pretty sure it's nothing a mere woman would choose to make by following a recipe or with ingredients. 

Probably red meat & potatoes of the 1950's kind. Big Meat grilled by man-boys standing in front of the grill, grunting. No girly vegetables anywhere. Maybe burgers, but without things like lettuce or tomatoes. No finger foods, except maybe french fries fried in oil. 

Their obsession with all things "manly" skeeves me out. It's like they're trying to prove something. 

Because seriously, all guesses aside, what the f*ck is "man food"? 

 

[fundiefollower]

56 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

 

Because seriously, all guesses aside, what the f*ck is "man food"? 

 

No salads!  No dainty sandwiches!  BIG manly burgers, steaks, hearty meaty beans, bacon and eggs (no muffins!).  That is what I assume man food is.  Big portions, lots of meat and hearty sides.  

[0 kids n not countin]

Not quiche because real men don't eat quiche. Though real men may not be the same as manly men!!

Edited February 24, 2021 by 0 kids n not countin
Remembered the saying incorrectly, my bad.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Are manly foods in the shape of a penis? Wouldn’t penis shaped food be the manliest food of all? 

Corndogs, popsicles, bananas, pickles, and sausages are all that’s served at manly camp. 

[LorEl]

Asparagus, ?, ?,?

[Tangy Bee]

Do ya'll think Allison is not comfortable with the changing appearance that pregnancy can put on a woman? Sadly, not everyone looks or feels "radiant". She just got married and probably wasn't emotionally ready for her husband to see her at her worst.

[Dominionatrix]

@fundiefollower I don’t know why, but “(no muffins!)” really made me chuckle. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

Do ya'll think Allison is not comfortable with the changing appearance that pregnancy can put on a woman? Sadly, not everyone looks or feels "radiant". She just got married and probably wasn't emotionally ready for her husband to see her at her worst.

Completely possible. I’ve been fat for years and I hated getting even fatter during pregnancy. I felt like a whale. My self esteem was even worse than usual during pregnancy because of it. The fantastic skin and hair didn’t make up for it. 

Edited February 25, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I would be shocked if Jeremiah was isolating Allison from her family. They're all pretty similar fundies. 

I get that Allison may not want to post pictures of herself, but there's also no ultrasound photos and no photos of anything she may have bought for the baby. 

I hope everything is okay and that she is getting good prenatal care. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

I suspect one of two things is at play for the lack of enthusiasm we are seeing. Either this bun was in the over before the wedding (we will know if she ends up with a 9lb "premie"), or she simply hasn't felt great throughout the pregnancy.  I will admit to finding it odd that there are no new pictures of her........