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Bontrager/Bowers 8: Cringeworthy


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browngrl
4 hours ago, Sops2 said:

"All in all......"

I don't think anything has gone the way Allison expected.

I agree. The sad part is that she is going to have to shove her feelings deeper and deeper underground because fundamentalism does not give her the option to choose again.

I suspect a lot of fundie women have faced this wall. Let's hope she doesn't choose: mean (eg her mother) or checked out and cold (eg Teri Maxwell) or angry and judgmental (eg Lori from the transformed wife). For the sake of her children I hope she chooses a survival mechanism that is kind to the children.

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Melissa1977
25 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Why, exactly, are they living with his parents?

They don't live with the inlaws. They live in the old Helferich house. What is surprising for a young couole is that they haven't put new forniture, painted walls, anything. Probably Allison was too tired to do anything, but there is a possibility that Jeremiah doesn't want changes, or they cannot afford that, or mama Helferich wants to keep the old house as she left it. 

I doubt Allison loves the house. Red walls are not her style at all, some decorations are outdated (not vintage, just tacky) and she posted black and white pictures to hide the house reality.

9 minutes ago, browngrl said:

For the sake of her children I hope she chooses a survival mechanism that is kind to the children.

She's obsessed with marriage. She will use all her energy to make it work in the "right" way. It's a trap for her and for Jeremiah, because they cannot be natural, they have to play a predesigned role. I feel for the children. 

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JermajestyDuggar
8 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

They don't live with the inlaws. They live in the old Helferich house. What is surprising for a young couole is that they haven't put new forniture, painted walls, anything. Probably Allison was too tired to do anything, but there is a possibility that Jeremiah doesn't want changes, or they cannot afford that, or mama Helferich wants to keep the old house as she left it. 

I doubt Allison loves the house. Red walls are not her style at all, some decorations are outdated (not vintage, just tacky) and she posted black and white pictures to hide the house reality.

She's obsessed with marriage. She will use all her energy to make it work in the "right" way. It's a trap for her and for Jeremiah, because they cannot be natural, they have to play a predesigned role. I feel for the children. 

The Bons raise their children to be frugal. I’m betting part of it is not wanting to spend money in a house that’s already furnished and decorated. Along with also being tired from pregnancy. 

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Bluebirdbluebell

I've been checking the Bontrager blog for new posts. Today I read the comments on the old post "Winter Tour Part 1".  The comments on the blog are hilarious, although maybe only to bored old me. 

Someone called ! wants to where Elizabeth's dress is from. 

Someone else is congratulating them on the newest grandbaby! I assume they mean Allison's pregnancy, which the Bontragers haven't even announced the blog yet. 

Someone else called them out for breaking into the basketball court.

Quote

That's pretty rude not to mention illegal to break in to the basketball court like that.

Marlin replied

Quote

This was at a church we sang a free concert at, and they were all good with it! :):)

Then why didn't you say so??!!

Why make it sound like you broke in? That doesn't sound cool to anyone above the age of sixteen! I swear all fundie adults still think they're teenagers. 

Anyway, those are the comments. Nothing about the tour they're promoting. 

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JermajestyDuggar
3 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I've been checking the Bontrager blog for new posts. Today I read the comments on the old post "Winter Tour Part 1".  The comments on the blog are hilarious, although maybe only to bored old me. 

Someone called ! wants to where Elizabeth's dress is from. 

Someone else is congratulating them on the newest grandbaby! I assume they mean Allison's pregnancy, which the Bontragers haven't even announced the blog yet. 

Someone else called them out for breaking into the basketball court.

Marlin replied

Then why didn't you say so??!!

Why make it sound like you broke in? That doesn't sound cool to anyone above the age of sixteen! I swear all fundie adults still think they're teenagers. 

Anyway, those are the comments. Nothing about the tour they're promoting. 

Because Marlin is a shit stirrer.

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Melissa1977
8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Bons raise their children to be frugal. I’m betting part of it is not wanting to spend money in a house that’s already furnished and decorated. Along with also being tired from pregnancy.

I understand frugality, but it is possible to do a very cheap makeover. They could take the figurines away (no cost) and buy or sew pillows and a couch blanket. Keeping all that figurines makes it look as a grandma's house. Chelsy has a very austere home, but it looks like a normal place. 

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ophelia


I'm pretty sure Allison looks envious at her sisters life. Chelsy and John seem to be really in love with each other. Chelsy has got her own home that she can decorate and change the way she wants and also the Maxborg is strange, she seems to get along well with her in-laws.

 

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Melissa1977
7 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Why make it sound like you broke in? That doesn't sound cool to anyone above the age of sixteen!

Because they actually broke. If the church had been ok with Bons using the court, someone would have opened the gate. I doubt the church was happy with people climbing the gate: gate may be damaged or people can fall down. I know it would have been Bontrager's reponsibility, but would have been a headache for the church, too.

 

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fundiefan

I just clicked the link for the mighty men shit show. This is how they describe Denver -in part:

In the line of Daniel Boone, Denver is a rugged outdoorsman who engages in trapping, hunting, and riding four wheelers. He loves pushups

If that doesn't scream manliest man to ever man, I don't know what does. 

I do hate to break it to them, but pushups and four wheelers do not make one a manly man - not by their defiinition, anyway. One of my firend's married a man with a lake house. I would go there often with them when they were dating and play on the lake all weekend. They had neighbors, as most people on lake property do. A gay couple, right next door. (oh, the horrors). One of whom was a personal trainer - so pushups, yeah, he did them and more. And, guess what? They had four wheelers! (and jet ski's and a boat). And the man who was not the personal trainer - I don't remember what he did for a living - was a crack shot with a crossbow. 

 

 

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browngrl

Marlin and Becky are odd. Fundies are all about how a fetus is the equivalent of a child from the exact moment fertilization on but the Bonts  don't act like they care much at all and certainly don't care enough to stop touring. I can understand a family choosing keep private issues private but they don't even seem to celebrate a pregnancy in private. 

The Wissman's have limited social media but you can tell that behind the scenes they are involved eg Beth had a baby recently and it was clear that her family was visiting regularly and since she went into labour and gave birth there seems to have been at least one sister around to help her out most of the time. The Bonts even seem to be on the far side of the Bell curve for non fundies. I'm childfree by choice but when my sister had her children I went to help (admittedly I did little or no childcare and instead just cleaned and cooked but still). 

The Bonts seem to value grandchildren only as stats on their quiverfull ledger. It is too bad because I imagine Alison could do with a sister's help and support.

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JermajestyDuggar
15 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

I just clicked the link for the mighty men shit show. This is how they describe Denver -in part:

In the line of Daniel Boone, Denver is a rugged outdoorsman who engages in trapping, hunting, and riding four wheelers. He loves pushups

If that doesn't scream manliest man to ever man, I don't know what does. 

I do hate to break it to them, but pushups and four wheelers do not make one a manly man - not by their defiinition, anyway. One of my firend's married a man with a lake house. I would go there often with them when they were dating and play on the lake all weekend. They had neighbors, as most people on lake property do. A gay couple, right next door. (oh, the horrors). One of whom was a personal trainer - so pushups, yeah, he did them and more. And, guess what? They had four wheelers! (and jet ski's and a boat). And the man who was not the personal trainer - I don't remember what he did for a living - was a crack shot with a crossbow. 

 

 

My BIL rides 4 wheelers, hunts, fishes, is mechanical, and exercises. But he also gossips worse than any woman I know, makes a B Line for babies to play with them, cleans more than his wife, and is on the phone more than me. It’s so weird how they put males and females in assigned boxes. Even the most “manly” men I know are filled with traits they would call “feminine.”

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HereticHick
15 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

They don't live with the inlaws. They live in the old Helferich house. What is surprising for a young couole is that they haven't put new forniture, painted walls, anything. Probably Allison was too tired to do anything, but there is a possibility that Jeremiah doesn't want changes, or they cannot afford that, or mama Helferich wants to keep the old house as she left it. 

 

Where have the inlaws moved to? I missed that post.

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Melissa1977
1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

Where have the inlaws moved to? I missed that post

I don't know. Allison said they have their own place, not living with inlaws.

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Melissa1977
1 hour ago, fundiefan said:

I just clicked the link for the mighty men shit show. This is how they describe Denver -in part:

In the line of Daniel Boone, Denver is a rugged outdoorsman who engages in trapping, hunting, and riding four wheelers. He loves pushups

If that doesn't scream manliest man to ever man, I don't know what does. 

I do hate to break it to them, but pushups and four wheelers do not make one a manly man - not by their defiinition, anyway. One of my firend's married a man with a lake house. I would go there often with them when they were dating and play on the lake all weekend. They had neighbors, as most people on lake property do. A gay couple, right next door. (oh, the horrors). One of whom was a personal trainer - so pushups, yeah, he did them and more. And, guess what? They had four wheelers! (and jet ski's and a boat). And the man who was not the personal trainer - I don't remember what he did for a living - was a crack shot with a crossbow. 

 

 

Bons (who probably haven't ever meet an "out of the closet" gay man), probably think those men are "femenine" and ignore that they are just like everybody else. And if we play the stereotypes card, then Bons are so disconnected from the mainstream society that don't realise a lot of pictures of their manly camps could fit in a gay magazine. 

 

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AprilQuilt

Hi there! Longtime Bontrager lurker, but Allison has finally drawn me out of the woodwork. I feel really sorry for her - she's so extra and it was clear from her wedding that Jeremiah just... doesn't have her love language? At best. At worst he doesn't actually give a shit.

I get the sense that she was always quite effusive and instagrammy about singleness because although she was dismayed by it, she was also certain that it wasn't going to last - she was going to make the best of it, and then be rewarded with the perfect marriage she 'deserved'. She did everything right, was gracious and encouraging to other young women, dated her brothers, kept busy etc etc, basically made lemonade with the lemons God gave her. And she did not anticipate that marriage might just be another bowl of lemons.

I think she does not have the mental/emotional energy to make the best of this right now: she is probably lonely, she has nobody who 'gets' her and will encourage her to make things the way she likes them; she has been dropped into the midst of a family she doesn't really know that well; she's navigating the realities of pregnancy and being someone's wife. I suspect her confidence has taken a gigantic knock, and she and Jeremiah aren't really a very bonded team. For her to write that in a marriage done 'God's way' you won't get irritated by your spouse - argh! she just gives herself no quarter! I think she would regard a quarrel as a personal, spiritual failure; and would strive to make her relationship with Jeremiah picture-perfect, with the effect of further shutting down the genuine relationship they could have.

What it boils down to is that she has done everything 'God's way' and it's now frightening to realise that this does not yield the effortless rewards she thought she had earned. And she feels she needs to keep face.

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Bluebirdbluebell

With Chelsy, Chelsy announced both of her pregnancies on her blog, and then the Bontragers and Maxwells announced the pregnancy on their blog a day or two later. 

Allison announced this pregnancy Friday and still no announcement from the Bontragers. It's also weird that there are no recent pictures of Allison. 

I hope everything is okay. 

Edited by Bluebirdbluebell
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christiane87
39 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Allison announced this pregnancy Friday and still no announcement from the Bontragers. 

They did write a post today, but it was about the two camps they will host later in spring.

I do, do hope everything is OK with Allison, but her family is treating her pregnancy and marriage differently than those of the other Bont kids: we haven't seen a post about her love story with Jeremiah, either on the family blog or Allison's, and now the Bontragers are giving up the opportunity to boast that yet another grandchild is joining their tribe... After all, isn't it the fundy equivalent of "my penis is bigger than yours"? 😄

Also, the post about the two camps and the word choice in their descriptions make me gag: in their words, the ladies camp is "an AMAZING experience of discovering who you are meant to be as a young women of God"... Boy, why do I worry about finding my way in life, when I can do so in just one weekend reading the Bible and baking cookies with them??? If only life were that simple 😅 

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ophelia
16 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't know. Allison said they have their own place, not living with inlaws.

I'm not convinced that this is the truth thb.

15 hours ago, AprilQuilt said:

She did everything right, was gracious and encouraging to other young women, dated her brothers, kept busy etc etc, basically made lemonade with the lemons God gave her.

Beautifully said.

I find Allision quite insufferable, but I also begin to feel sorry and worry about her.

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lonedn

Before Allison was married, I think she was the one who mainly updated the family blog, and made sure that the news were posted in due time. Now it's probably Elizabeths job to write blog posts, and she might not be as familliar with it as Allison? Just an idea. 

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Bluebirdbluebell

Chelsy also did a fair amount of blogging for them before Axton was born.  Then Allison did it herself and now it's Liz's job. 

I'm editing this to say it seems to be Liz's job, but they're not saying who's writing these posts. Sorry if I'm mistaken. 

Edited by Bluebirdbluebell
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browngrl
12 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

it seems to be Liz's job

The way fundies talk about it, you'd think sisters would be close, at least close enough to be happy about a new baby. Even if she has trouble writing, how hard is it really to say 'we are so excited to welcome a new baby" and then use some Bible quote about how babies are a blessing. 

Something is off here. I've got some theories but they are mostly tin foil hat stuff since I just don't know what is going on. 

 

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CaptainFunderpants
23 minutes ago, browngrl said:

The way fundies talk about it, you'd think sisters would be close, at least close enough to be happy about a new baby. Even if she has trouble writing, how hard is it really to say 'we are so excited to welcome a new baby" and then use some Bible quote about how babies are a blessing. 

Something is off here. I've got some theories but they are mostly tin foil hat stuff since I just don't know what is going on. 

 

I'm all about hearing your theories. Spill and Blessed Be the Rufus.

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browngrl

Some theories:

1. Alison is not happy and she made the mistake of talking to her mother or worse her father about it. The Bont parents seem like they would treat any deviation from "sweet" as being ungodly so Alison is being punished by a cold shoulder from the family. Also, I can totally see Becky (and maybe her MIL) being all "well I did it and ran a farm and looked after eleventy kids so you can too" and making Alison feel even worse.

2. The baby has a significant anomaly. Fundies are only  allowed to see a child as a blessing and abortion would never be considered no matter how severe the anomaly. Alison might not have the strength or will to spin this positively just yet.Maybe her family is blaming her for the issue (I can totally see Marlin blaming the woman for a pregnancy related issue)

3. Her husband is controlling her and is cutting off access to her family and worst of all Marlin and Becky are ok with it.

 

Anyway, I'm on the speculation bus so why not join me?

 

 

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Foudeb

I'm not browngrl but my theories are:

- a big healthy "premature" baby. Everyone is too ashamed of the premarital sex to look excited. 

- a baby with a serious birth defect, like not having a penis. No point getting excited for a girl. 

- baby fatigue. Alison probably had a hand raising her younger siblings. She's seen a lot of her niblings. 'nother one? Mmmok. 

- depression. She's far away from the family she used to date. The new people in her life may not be very nice to her. Pregnancy can be rough. Marriage is likely not the unmitigated bliss she expected. 

Post-partum is the time in a woman's life when she is most likely to commit suicide. Babies are not just the unicorn and rainbows they're sold as. 

- nasty in-laws and / or husband treating her like a vessel for the precious helferich spawn and nothing else. 

And I could go on. Just to be clear, this is 100% unfounded speculation. 

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CaptainFunderpants
6 minutes ago, Foudeb said:

I'm not browngrl but my theories are:

- a big healthy "premature" baby. Everyone is too ashamed of the premarital sex to look excited. 

*snip*

Oh god, if this is it I will be entirely amazed. Chelsy and John? I could believe that. Praise and Denver? Sure that would make sense. But the negative chemistry having Allison and Jeremiah? Oh ho ho, that would be spicy. And I would be 50/50 about who initiated the sinning. I could see Allison being really stressed out about what if she doesn't get pregnant immediately and so "it's my fertile period, let's do it now! No one is going to know," or Jeremiah you know, just being a dude.

That said, looking back on the pictures, they're not as lacking in chemistry as I remember. They're not Chelsey and John, but Jeremiah's smiles, while timid, do seem genuine.

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