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Bontrager/Bowers 8: Cringeworthy


samurai_sarah

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The "manly man" thing isn't even conscious sometimes. My parents are from the cold Midwest and while they moved around the country, my extended family stayed. To this day, the women do all the cooking for holidays, even they also all work full time, some in very demanding careers. Not that my uncles aren't nice, but I always hated the dynamic. Especially when I turned 12/13 and had to cook for and serve my older cousins. 

ANYWAY I always wondered why I kept having crushes on closeted gay men (trust me - not good for a straight woman's love life!!). Then i met my now-husband. He's 5'9'' on a good day, not stocky or overly muscular, hates football, doesn't know shit about cars, AKA my family members were very confused at first as they had no framework for a straight man like that. But then they saw that their nerdy shy neurogirl talks about books and dogs and cooking with him, and he makes her laugh, and she always feels safe with him. Neuroboy is also not emasculated knowing my previous type was closeted gay men, is a huge fan of Gilmore Girls publicly, and will be the only guy in the kitchen during family gatherings.  It took a bit for my own father to understand who tf this man was, but now the family is huge fans as I just was never into the Standard Issue Midwestern Man TM.

Too bad the fundies can't have any room to relax their gendered standards one iota. I swear they would all have more fun.

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I still can't get over how limiting the fundie mindset is. They claim to be best friends with their spouses, but what interests can they really share except for procreation and Jesus?

Looking at them, I am so glad that neither my husband nor me subscribe to strict gender roles, because it means there's so much more we can actually enjoy doing together. Among the interests we share are cooking, ballroom dancing, playing video games, and watching fantasy and sci-fi movies. (Neither of us is into sports, but we usually watch the football World Cup and Euro Cup together, just because it's a fun event.)

If both of us were only into traditionally male or female stuff, we'd have to find someone else to enjoy our hobbies with, or one of us would have to go along just to do the other a favour all the time. Oh, and incidentally, we're both 100% straight (not that it would be a problem if we weren't). But at least in our case, our interests have exactly nothing to do with our sexuality.

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4 hours ago, fundiewatch said:

I also asked my husband, just to see, and he said “is that... a Rodrigues girl?” all hopefully. 

I asked my husband, and he had 3 responses:

1. "Crazy eyes."

2. "That's some sort of smile....?"

3. "It looks very forced."

My husband is so bad a reading expressions, and even he can tell she's not happy. 

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New post up on the Bontrager blog about the tornado that hit. Whoever wrote that post (Elizabeth?) is almost at Sarah Maxwell’s level of terrible writing skills.

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8 hours ago, VBOY9977 said:

New post up on the Bontrager blog about the tornado that hit. Whoever wrote that post (Elizabeth?) is almost at Sarah Maxwell’s level of terrible writing skills.

It’s probably Elizabeth. What’s sad is that she will be expected to homeschool a bunch of kids. At least Sarah Maxwell won’t. 

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9 hours ago, VBOY9977 said:

New post up on the Bontrager blog about the tornado that hit. Whoever wrote that post (Elizabeth?) is almost at Sarah Maxwell’s level of terrible writing skills.

Agree. I was never a good writer and what writing skills I had have deteriorated significantly since we went to voice dictation at work (the computer system makes mistakes so it is best to be as terse as possible). However, that was ... not good. Maybe she could expand the Moody universe with a tornado tale. 

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Poor Joe. He was in the little trailer when it was blown over. He must not be hurt but I still feel bad for him. 

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11 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

Wait, who is Joe?

Joe Xiques has been a part of their band for a couple years. When they lost multiple band members in a span of a few months to marriage, they needed an extra player. I’m guessing they will push Liz into a relationship with him so they won’t lose band members.

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24 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Joe Xiques has been a part of their band for a couple years. When they lost multiple band members in a span of a few months to marriage, they needed an extra player. I’m guessing they will push Liz into a relationship with him so they won’t lose band members.

Gotcha. Man, Liz is only 17, I hope they don't push her into marriage anytime soon. 

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10 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

Gotcha. Man, Liz is only 17, I hope they don't push her into marriage anytime soon. 

I never would have thought it but the way they pushed Carson and Joshua at Lina and Cass makes me think they might arrange it. 

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13 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I never would have thought it but the way they pushed Carson and Joshua at Lina and Cass makes me think they might arrange it. 

Maybe. 

On the other hand, all of them were older than 17. And the Bowers parents were equally pushing the match. 

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1 minute ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Maybe. 

On the other hand, all of them were older than 17. And the Bowers parents were equally pushing the match. 

There’s this weird thing that happens sometimes in large families. When the older ones marry, the younger ones start to get married too. But younger. It’s like once the floodgates open, they all just kind of start marrying. A good example would be Joy Duggar. Her sisters all started to get married but they were in their early 20s. Joy just followed along and got married as a teenager. I wouldn’t be surprised if Liz got married at 18/19.

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I still think the Duggars had ulterior motives. They quickly married off all the girls affected by Josh's behavior. They had massive damage to try to repair for their image & their wallets. Marrying off as many kids as possible, as quickly as possible, helped them shift attention and focus. And getting the girls out of the house and safely under another headship was definitely not a coincidence. 

They married off Josh to get him "safely with a woman" to cover up his deficiencies, then nothing for six years. Not a single kid, no matter the age, moving on in life. Just rotting away in that house. By the time Josh's history came out, two of the girls were married, but they still had two more to secure / place under a different umbrella of protection. 

I don't think there was anything coincidental about them marrying off almost 1/3 of their kids within a few years' time. Weddings bring ratings, and again, shift focus. Weddings bring babies, which brings more ratings. 

The Bonts are no less fundie, but their skeletons are still in the closet so their motives are different. 

Edited by fundiefan
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4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

 I wouldn’t be surprised if Liz got married at 18/19

I agree. I think that they will start courting soon - if they aren't in a courtship already. I suspect we will see  her getting an engagement ring for her 18th birthday and she'll be married soon after. The Bonts are going to need more warm bodies on board their bus if they want to keep the touring thing going on.

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22 hours ago, browngrl said:

I agree. I think that they will start courting soon - if they aren't in a courtship already. I suspect we will see  her getting an engagement ring for her 18th birthday and she'll be married soon after. The Bonts are going to need more warm bodies on board their bus if they want to keep the touring thing going on.

I hope they at least let her graduate from home school high school first. 

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1 minute ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I hope they at least let her graduate from home school high school first. 

They wouldn’t keep her from graduating. I don’t remember if the Bontragers graduate their kids early like some of the other fundie families. But they know she has to be a homeschooling mom so they will make sure she finishes her crappy homeschool education. 

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13 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I hope they at least let her graduate from home school high school first. 

I'm sure she will "graduate" this spring if she hasn't already.  

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On 2/6/2021 at 3:23 PM, LurkerOverThePond said:

Why the crazy eyes in every picture, Allison?

Brand-new to this thread, but she's a Bontrager, right?

I think that's just part of the package.

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On 2/8/2021 at 2:09 PM, neurogirl said:

To this day, the women do all the cooking for holidays, even they also all work full time, some in very demanding careers. Not that my uncles aren't nice, but I always hated the dynamic. Especially when I turned 12/13 and had to cook for and serve my older cousins. 

I feel for you. Fortunately for me, my FOO wasn't fundie and the aunts didn't like the few girl cousins in the kitchen with them.

But the gender stereotyping and body stereotyping reminded me of a wonderful cartoon I saw decades ago in the local alternative newspaper.  A lesbian couple visited one of their parents' homes for the holidays.  The mother immediately herded the slighter woman into the kitchen and left the taller, husky woman in the living room with the dad, who proceeded with the usual "so, how were the roads?" man-talk.

Both women were totally flustered in their enforced roles.  It tickled me then and your story brought it to mind.  The struggle is real, the struggle is everywhere, and it continues!

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Allison has a new Instagram post for Valentine's Day about how much she loves being married to Jeremiah. It's exactly what you'd think, although it comes off a little more personal. 

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22 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Allison has a new Instagram post for Valentine's Day about how much she loves being married to Jeremiah. It's exactly what you'd think, although it comes off a little more personal. 

She says there were celebrations but there is not a single picture of those, neither a written example. Not a diner, flowers or a walk or a simple coffee date. she sounded as if she hadn't done anything special at all and was trying to hide it. 

 

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3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She says there were celebrations but there is not a single picture of those, neither a written example. Not a diner, flowers or a walk or a simple coffee date. she sounded as if she hadn't done anything special at all and was trying to hide it. 

 

Perhaps in the throes of morning sickness?

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I could easily see Allison pretending her life is total perfection while spending half her day in the bathroom throwing up. 

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