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Mom's Corner by Teri


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9 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Exactly. Same for Mary. Off to college and gets a boyfriend rather quickly. When the Maxwell gals are left to their own devices, they do well for themselves. 

Sadly, this just highlights that there is something wrong with Steve. Despite his rigid thoughts and beliefs, and his isolating ways, his daughters, who clearly were bathed in the dysfunction for much longer than his sons, all seem to be able to function just fine in the real world. Seriously, Steve should be ashamed of his tactics. And good on the girls for being able to overcome all those limitations that were applied.

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1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

Sadly, this just highlights that there is something wrong with Steve. Despite his rigid thoughts and beliefs, and his isolating ways, his daughters, who clearly were bathed in the dysfunction for much longer than his sons, all seem to be able to function just fine in the real world. Seriously, Steve should be ashamed of his tactics. And good on the girls for being able to overcome all those limitations that were applied.

Yes, unfortunately the Arndt children aren’t able to. They are still stuck like the Max girls were a few years ago. 

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4 hours ago, Teaistheway said:

God didn't withold a husband, Steve did, either directly by rebuffing or  discouraging suitors or indirectly by keeping his daughters isolated and separate; Terri shares the blame by colluding with him.   Sarah managed just fine on her own once she'd escaped to her own home. 

Astonishing lack of insight or self reflection going on in that post.

I think the indirect method was more the problem than the direct method. I think it was really hard for them to meet people their parents would approve. They stopped touring a long time ago, and that was basically the only way to meet people.

I think it's possible Sarah didn't like some of the suitors her family liked. It might even explain Teri's resentment.  I could easily picture them fighting like the Bennets over a Mr. Collins (Pride and Prejudice reference) with Sarah objecting, her mother insisting, and Steve being happy she doesn't want to marry Mr. Collins.

It's hard to tell much about Kory, but he seems like a real step-up from the fundies. She may have always wanted to someone less fundie, but unable to meet a guy like that due to isolation.

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Teri’s depression is blatantly obvious in this post. If she was indeed happy for Sarah, she is incapable of writing in a way that lets positive emotion shine through. It’s just like her account of Nathan’s wedding—a long verbal dirge.

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My take is that Terri's argument that God "withheld a husband" from her daughter reeks of passive aggressive reproachment; like Sarah hadn't earned a husband in God's eyes or something.

We've all seen posts about older children getting married in fundieland, and no matter what they may really be thinking, the messaging from parents is always akin to their child had been waiting for the person God chose for them, and in His wisdom, they have found their soulmate. If anything, it's a celebration of their child's faith, not a slight that God kept marriage from them.

I have family in these circles, and I was the unmarried daughter, and even though my family heavily disliked it, they never would have said to others that a husband was being "withheld" from me, like a naughty child.  That's just plain cruel. 

How hard is it to write something like the following:  "We have wonderful news to share.  Our eldest daughter is now married to a wonderful Christian man.  God has blessed Sarah and us!  The newlyweds look forward to a wonderful life together."  

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On 9/13/2022 at 9:21 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Yes, praying doesn't hurt, but it isn't necessarily God's fault that it hasn't work. As the old proverb says You got to meet God halfway.

Or, to quote Emo Philips, "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness." 

Maybe Sarah got tired of asking God to send her a husband, realized that God doesn't work that way, so she created a profile on Tinder.

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33 minutes ago, MomJeans said:

My take is that Terri's argument that God "withheld a husband" from her daughter reeks of passive aggressive reproachment; like Sarah hadn't earned a husband in God's eyes or something.

We've all seen posts about older children getting married in fundieland, and no matter what they may really be thinking, the messaging from parents is always akin to their child had been waiting for the person God chose for them, and in His wisdom, they have found their soulmate. If anything, it's a celebration of their child's faith, not a slight that God kept marriage from them.

I have family in these circles, and I was the unmarried daughter, and even though my family heavily disliked it, they never would have said to others that a husband was being "withheld" from me, like a naughty child.  That's just plain cruel. 

How hard is it to write something like the following:  "We have wonderful news to share.  Our eldest daughter is now married to a wonderful Christian man.  God has blessed Sarah and us!  The newlyweds look forward to a wonderful life together."  

As a heathen, I’ll go one step further. Despite any negative thoughts they might have surrounding this entire topic, could they not put kindness first and share a nice blurb? How hard is it to be kind? 

 

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46 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

How hard is it to be kind? 

Apparently, it's impossible for Steve and nearly so for Teri. 

As always, these comments by Steve & Teri in their blog posts make it so clear that the whole shebang was only ever about control, particularly Steve's control of everyone else in the house. 

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Steve has lost control of his family and I think he is utterly bewildered at how everything has changed. His demands are no longer being met with blind obedience and his children are acting as the adults they are.

I really wonder if Kory and Sarah simply told Steve and Teri that they were getting married and refused to be meek and subservient about Steve’s permission. It might explain the bizarre posts .

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3 hours ago, Botkinetti said:

Steve has lost control of his family and I think he is utterly bewildered at how everything has changed. His demands are no longer being met with blind obedience and his children are acting as the adults they are.

I really wonder if Kory and Sarah simply told Steve and Teri that they were getting married and refused to be meek and subservient about Steve’s permission. It might explain the bizarre posts .

If they did stand up for themselves, as 40 somethings GOOD!

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Quote

If they did stand up for themselves, as 40 somethings GOOD!

If only the Arndt manboys would follow suit, Alas I don't believe they ever will.

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Part of the problem is that the Mom's Corner and Seriously, Dad? are supposed to be preaching moments and the Mom's Corner is also an advertising spot.  The whole "Waiting" thing is them to trying to shoehorn Sarah's marriage into their old values. Sarah moved out and met someone, which is not what they plans were for their children.

On 9/16/2022 at 4:33 PM, Black Aliss said:

Maybe Sarah got tired of asking God to send her a husband, realized that God doesn't work that way, so she created a profile on Tinder.

More likely a ChristianMingle or some other Christian dating app. I've known three people who met their spouses on Christian dating sites, so I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah had a dating profile. If anyone knows someone on ChristianMingle, we could ask them to check.

18 hours ago, Botkinetti said:

Steve has lost control of his family and I think he is utterly bewildered at how everything has changed. His demands are no longer being met with blind obedience and his children are acting as the adults they are.

I really wonder if Kory and Sarah simply told Steve and Teri that they were getting married and refused to be meek and subservient about Steve’s permission. It might explain the bizarre posts .

I would be surprised if they skipped asking for permission, but I hope so. I detest the custom of asking the father for permission, and unfortunately, it seems more popular these days. I think Kory probably asked Steve's permission, maybe that was why he wanted to buy a house before he proposed. 

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Yes, Terri’s write up about Sarah’s “joy” doesn’t seem very warm or joyful.  But perhaps her children all expect that type of luke warm statement.  They know neither Steve nor Teri is a particularly enthusiastic, warm fuzzies, embracing parent.

Speaking  of Sarah, she has updated her  LinkedIn page to indicate she no longer works for her brother’s business and her current position is “Homemaker” as of August 2022.

So, not working at all (though I am sure she is volunteering a lot at the church)  and she and Kory are a one income family!  Hope she is having a ball decorating and fixing up her new home.

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26 minutes ago, Hellothere said:

Yes, Terri’s write up about Sarah’s “joy” doesn’t seem very warm or joyful.  But perhaps her children all expect that type of luke warm statement.  They know neither Steve nor Teri is a particularly enthusiastic, warm fuzzies, embracing parent.

Speaking  of Sarah, she has updated her  LinkedIn page to indicate she no longer works for her brother’s business and her current position is “Homemaker” as of August 2022.

So, not working at all (though I am sure she is volunteering a lot at the church)  and she and Kory are a one income family!  Hope she is having a ball decorating and fixing up her new home.

I bet she’s working less yet she’s actually less bored than before. Living at home must have been like living a life of mind numbing busy work. While in her new home, she may be doing things she actually enjoys. Not what her parents expect her to do. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

This line makes God sound like an asshole: “God withheld a husband from Sarah for a long time.”

 

I realise other people have mentioned it. I’ve been off FJ for a while so only just catching up.

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57 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

This line makes God sound like an asshole: “God withheld a husband from Sarah for a long time.”

 

I realise other people have mentioned it. I’ve been off FJ for a while so only just catching up.

It was mentioned because they are blaming god for their own mistakes. They withheld a husband from her. She moved out on her own and bam, found a husband pretty quickly. 

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I wonder if they kept the girls’ room intact with the bunkbeds, for grandchildren sleepovers etc. Or passed the bunks on to one of the relatives. If so I cannot imagine Terri’s process with that. The microwave/homeschool materials cart with the Pepsi shelf was deeply grieved when it was repurposed. 

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1 hour ago, fundiewatch said:

I wonder if they kept the girls’ room intact with the bunkbeds, for grandchildren sleepovers etc. Or passed the bunks on to one of the relatives. If so I cannot imagine Terri’s process with that. The microwave/homeschool materials cart with the Pepsi shelf was deeply grieved when it was repurposed. 

With their daughter helpers gone, do you think the grands ever spend the night? I’m betting except in an extreme emergency, no.

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I feel I need to say something here in terms of the GKs staying with elder Maxwells…my grandparents were all immigrants and elderly when I was a youngster. Although we were very close with my maternal grandparents and paternal Nana (GP deceased prior to my birth), we very, very rarely spent the night at either home. My maternal GPs, who we saw and dined with about 3 days a week, were old school and went to bed at 7PM. Yes, 7PM. In the summer, the sun was still up. This was no place for active, loud kids to be hanging out overnight. Thank the Lord my parents were very aware-

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My cousins, siblings, and I were all very lucky. We had young and active grandparents. They were all between 48-52 when I was born. So we had many sleepovers at my grandparents’ house. We had a ton of good memories. I guess that’s one plus to having kids young. My parents are much older grandparents to my kids because I had kids in my 30s. 

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4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My cousins, siblings, and I were all very lucky. We had young and active grandparents. They were all between 48-52 when I was born. So we had many sleepovers at my grandparents’ house. We had a ton of good memories. I guess that’s one plus to having kids young. My parents are much older grandparents to my kids because I had kids in my 30s. 

My mom’s dad was 39 when she, his first child, was born, and 53 when his youngest was born. He was late 60s when I, the oldest GK, was born. My grandmas were a little younger. My dad was one of the youngest kids in his family. His dad was in his 40s when he was born and his mom was late 30s. My own parents were younger parents. 20s and early 30s-

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8 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My mom’s dad was 39 when she, his first child, was born, and 53 when his youngest was born. He was late 60s when I, the oldest GK, was born. My grandmas were a little younger. My dad was one of the youngest kids in his family. His dad was in his 40s when he was born and his mom was late 30s. My own parents were younger parents. 20s and early 30s-

All 4 of my grandparents were married around the age of 20 and had kids fairly soon after that. Then their kids all got married in their early 20s and had kids within a few years. That’s why my grandparents all became grandparents in their 40s. And 2 of my great grandparents were alive until I was in my mid to late 20s and were great great grandparents a few times over by then. 

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My mom's parents were 49 and 45 when I was born, so young enough to still be very active. They didn't retire from their jobs til the early 70s (yes, Lori A, my grandma worked OUTSIDETHEHOME, for years!). My dad's parents were 51 and 50 when I came along, but again, quite active. They had a farm, complete with cornfield, huge garden, chickens, horses, and pigs. And Grandpa had a day job as well, went to work and did the farm chores early in the morning and after he got home. Until I was 12, I visited them at least once a summer, staying with them for a couple of weeks, enjoying life on a working Tennessee farm. Then my grandpa passed suddenly of a heart attack at 60, and the farm was sold and my grandma seemed to grow old overnight. 😢 But we cousins all have that wonderful time with our grandparents to look back on. On both sides of my family, my grandparents included us grandkids in everything when we came to visit. I hope the Maxwell grandkids have more time with their grandparents than we know about, and that their memories are good ones as well.

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We have friends who are having conflicts with their youngest daughter over watching her children (their grandchildren).  The daughter is upset and feeling slighted that they watched and had adventures with the children of her two older siblings, but do very little with her own children.  This despite the obvious answer that when they looked after the other grandchildren, our friends were healthy, active 60 somethings.  Now they are almost 80 and have had health setbacks.  Each set of grandkids is going to have different experiences and memories of their grandparents in this situation.

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Steve and Teri's problem isn't that they are old and have no energy. It's that they are allergic to fun and have such a highly structured existence that isn't conducive to being fun grandparents. Their home seems like such a cold and bleak place. 

I used to have sleepovers at both sets of grandparents' houses as a kid. My paternal grandmother especially loved having her grandkids over. Even though she had some health issues, she made it clear that my mom could bring us over pretty much whenever she wanted to. I probably could have slept over there every weekend if I had wanted to. 

My mom is a great grandma too. But she doesn't have a lot of energy so my son only gets to sleepover two or three times a year. But my kids still see her lots, just in smaller doses. Hopefully Steve and Teri have loosened up and have become good grandparents but I doubt it. 

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