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Mom's Corner by Teri


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  I imagine that the very best homeschool parents of big families use a good commercially available curriculum, but they have a keen sense of the teachable moment and the schedule not only allows this but assumes it.  “Oh no! Our carrot plants don’t look right. What’s wrong? What do plants need anyway? Why? What should we do?  Why? Let’s see if we have a book about plants. Maybe Blippi has an episode about a farm. I bet he does!” They bring intelligence knowledge, and genuine enthusiasm  to the task. Teri’s depression made this impossible for the most part. She didn’t take enough pleasure in the world or her children. The rigidity of her schedule was her and her children’s salvation.
   I do think the kids had assigned essays that she corrected with them. Sarah’s writing is a reflection of how this went: The spelling, punctuation, and paragraphing are fine, but phrasing is awkward and there’s no sign Sarah read widely and well, and no sign of imagination and creativity.

Edited by Bastet
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1 hour ago, Bastet said:

The spelling, punctuation, and paragraphing are fine, but phrasing is awkward and there’s no sign Sarah read widely and well, and no sign of imagination and creativity.

Sarah has probably read more interesting books since she met Kory than in the previous 40 years.

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7 hours ago, Hane said:

I’m just sitting here wondering how Teri is processing Sarah’s engagement and rapidly approaching wedding. Of course she’s going to follow Stevehovah’s lead and not say a word about it until after the fact—if then.

Their silence strongly implies that Sarah’s current life is a massive announcement of the failure of their methodology.

I respectfully disagree. 

The silences imo isn't really about disapproval. They stopped blogging almost a year ago when they announced Sarah moved out and the other girls went to college. They haven't made one blog post since. Steve writes the Seriously, Dads?, which are more ranting about the state of things in the world. Teri does the Mom's Corners to sell products and give motherly advice to women with small, young children, not adult children. 

The Maxwells stopped talking about engagements after Joseph's broken engagement. If they don't blog afterwards, it's because the blog is dead or Sarah asked them not to or both. 

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They quit, retired, moved on and sadly owe us nothing.

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2 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

They quit, retired, moved on and sadly owe us nothing.

True, but I think it’s odd that they aren’t mentioning their own kids in these “parental” columns of theirs.

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3 minutes ago, Hane said:

True, but I think it’s odd that they aren’t mentioning their own kids in these “parental” columns of theirs.

It's weirder in the Seriously, Dad columns where Steve usually doesn't talk about fatherhood. Teri does tell stories about her kids when they were younger. The column is aimed at parents of young children, not grown adults.

Both of these columns aren't meant to update the reader on their lives, but teach the reader about how to parent young children. As Teri and Steve are parents of grown children, it makes sense they don't mention their adult children.

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I’ve realized we seem to get better info from the church Sarah and Kory attend and ABC. So I am not missing the blog that much. 

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It's a mistery if Teri is happy or not about Anna and Mary new life. But I'm sure she is happy about Sarah's wedding. Kory may be a bit more mainstream than Teri and Steve, but he is deeply religious and his age and situation must be ok for Teri (I mean, he's not an unemployed 25 year old). Teri will be more than happy having Sarah settled instead of living a single life by her own. And while Teri is sooo cold, I think she is human enough to celebrate that Sarah (who for sure has suffered because her singleness in the past) is going to marry.

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17 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Sarah has probably read more interesting books since she met Kory than in the previous 40 years.

I really hope she has.

I also hope she has watched some tv and movies and found some of them great or interesting or thought provoking and others stupid or boring. Deciding for herself without having to filter everything through her parents ideas I hope has opened up a whole new world for her.

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  • 5 weeks later...

It’s finally happened. The Maxwells have acknowledged what is generally widely known, that Sarah is now married. They used Teri’s latest Mom’s Corner to do this, under the Biblical lesson of “Waiting on the Lord”.  Of course, she and Steve weren’t the issue…they’ve been PRAYING that the Lord would bring Sarah a husband. But Sarah had had enough of that, I think, and put herself out there so that she could might find someone on her own. 
 

But I did like Teri’s final sentence:  “We wanted you to know her joy”. 
 

https://articles.titus2.com/category/moms-corner/

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Well, that’s the full story then. Joining a church, having sisters go to college, and Sarah moving out had nothing to do with it. Meeting people outside the borg had nothing to do with it. God was just waiting. 🙄 I’m sure that this is as honest Terri can be with herself. 

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Here, Teri. Fixed some things for you:

Quote

In Sarah’s season of waiting indentured servitude, it was hard for her Steve and me too. We knew didn't care how she longed for marriage. She had a happy, busy life filled with opportunities to serve  the Lord us and her brothers, as we told her to do so, but always there was that desire for marriage. We wanted it for her as well and we continually prayed alongside her for a godly husband  but only on our terms and timetable which is why she never had a chance until she moved out.

God Steve and I withheld a husband from Sarah for a long time. Now her wait is over. Many of you have prayed for a husband for Sarah, and you will rejoice with us over God’s goodness to her. We wanted you to know her joy  can actually read the room and decided that I would acknowledge her marriage since Steve couldn't bring himself to do so.

 

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23 minutes ago, fundiewatch said:

Well, that’s the full story then. Joining a church, having sisters go to college, and Sarah moving out had nothing to do with it. Meeting people outside the borg had nothing to do with it. God was just waiting. 🙄 I’m sure that this is as honest Terri can be with herself. 

Who knows. Can we imagine what Steve would be like to live with if she said anything different? He might believe that after stealing away his daughters, Satan has finally taken possession of his wife. (God only allows the men he most respects to be so tormented, of course.) At least she has that church as an outlet. I hope she feels free to vent to the ladies there. “You won’t believe what he said to me about Sarah this morning. . . “

Edited by Bastet
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1 hour ago, Bastet said:

Who knows. Can we imagine what Steve would be like to live with if she said anything different? 

I feel like there will be mandatory prayers until morale improves, along with fasting, and vows of silence. 

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Here, right up front. Teri admits what we've always suspected -- Steve ran off potential suitors for years.

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Through the years, there were young men who came who were interested in Sarah. But with each one, time proved they weren’t right. 

FIFY Teri " .... time Steve proved they weren’t right."

Teri admits Sarah waited 22 years to find a husband. Cheese 'n rice Teri!  22 years!! Aren't you the least bit ashamed you colluded/ aided/ abetted in Steve ruining so many chances for Sarah ("Many times it was discouraging when a hoped-for relationship didn’t work out")

You and Steve actively denied her years of marriage and children by forcing/ guilting her into raising her siblings instead of her own children, and working for the family business instead of building a life/ business with her husband 

It took Sarah moving away -- from Stevehovah's iron hand -- for her to be married.  

God didn't withhold a husband from Sarah for a long time -- Steve did and you were right there with him. 

Edited by Red Hair, Black Dress
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3 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Here, right up front. Teri admits what we've always suspected -- Steve ran off potential suitors for years.

FIFY Teri " .... time Steve proved they weren’t right."

Teri admits Sarah waited 22 years to find a husband. Cheese 'n rice Teri!  22 years!! Aren't you the least bit ashamed you colluded/ aided/ abetted in Steve ruining so many chances for Sarah ("Many times it was discouraging when a hoped-for relationship didn’t work out")

You and Steve actively denied her years of marriage and children by forcing/ guilting her into raising her siblings instead of her own children, and working for the family business instead of building a life/ business with her husband 

It took Sarah moving away -- from Stevehovah's iron hand -- for her to be married.  

God didn't withhold a husband from Sarah for a long time -- Steve did and you were right there with him. 

Can you imagine what kind of husband Steve would have approved of? Yikes! Sarah is so much better off now.

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..... {Kory} "is more than Sarah dreamed she would have in a husband."

This to me is as backhanded nasty as the letter/ blog about Sarah's 40th(?) birthday.

That birthday post was all 'yeah we know you wanted to be married, but you're not, so yeah ....... sort of sucks to be you ... Anyway  great job with the pitiful life you've been able to lead here withering on the vine at home. '

Teri's sentence above implies that Sarah wasn't allowed to dream of a handsome, smart, fun, loving man. Oh no, not for Sarah.  Sarah was encouraged to set her sights much, much lower. Steve would pick out the suitable man for her (maybe) -- someone just like himself.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah -- you're not supposed to want anything or like anything or enjoy anything.  That would be wrong wrong wrong. So very wrong. Wrong. It would be an idol. It might make you happy to dream of the future man. 

And we can't have happiness. Oh gosh no.  That might lead to F. U. N. No fun allowed in Maxhell.

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The newest Mom's Corner is called "Waiting", it's from September 13, 2022 and it's about Sarah.

First Paragraph:

Quote

I imagine each of you has been in a season of waiting at some point in your life. Have you learned and grown through that season, or have you become disillusioned and maybe even bitter? 

Yes, I can relate to this.

Quote

Our daughter, Sarah, who is 40 years old just finished a long season of waiting—22 years to be exact. Sarah wanted to get married and have children as soon as she finished high school. 

Are you sure Sarah wanted this? Usually the two choices offered fundies are get married or live at home. It's one of the worst things about fundamentalism. There should be more than two options. Also since the Maxwells are quiverfull and anti-birth control, she would have to have children.

Quote

Through the years, there were young men who came who were interested in Sarah. But with each one, time proved they weren’t right. 

I have no idea what went wrong in the relationships. I certainly hope that if Sarah was unhappy that she would be allowed to stop seeing a young man. Maybe she didn't like the suitors. I also feel that the Maxwells would make intense in-laws. Maybe the man lost interest. I doubt she had a lot of suitors since few men seem to meet the requirements.

Next Paragraph:

Quote

Then, Kory came along, and Sarah knew quickly that this was the man God had for her. She got married last month to this godly, biblically grounded man who loves the Lord Jesus with all his heart and is more than Sarah dreamed she would have in a husband. Neither of them have been married, and each feels they were waiting all this time for the other. The wait was long for Sarah (and Kory). Many times it was discouraging when a hoped-for relationship didn’t work out.

Hopefully Kory is the best choice for Sarah and they want to be together. But Kory didn't just happen along. Sarah got her own car, her own place and start blossoming and exploring the world. She got to meet herself, not just being your daughter. I hope Kory is attracted to more independent Sarah. 

Quote

In Sarah’s season of waiting, it was hard for Steve and me too. We knew how she longed for marriage. She had a happy, busy life filled with opportunities to serve the Lord, but always there was that desire for marriage. We wanted it for her as well, and we continually prayed alongside her for a godly husband.

With fundie families, it's always which came first: your desire or her desire.  With the heavy emphasis on marriage as the only really form of relationships allowed except it's hard to get to that place without some form of dating. If you don't let your kids move out until they get married, they're also more interested in getting married. 

Next couple paragraphs:

Quote

The waiting may not be for a spouse. It could be for a child, for healing from an illness, for restoration of a relationship, for a particular job, for finances. There are many ways to be in a season of waiting. 

God gives us encouragement and direction concerning waiting in His Word: “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD” (Psalms 27:14). When we wait, we are not to live in fear that what we are waiting for won’t come to pass. We are to keep our focus on trusting the Lord through it.

“Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass” (Psalms 37:7). We are to have a quiet heart in waiting and do it with patience. 

‘My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him” (Psalms 62:5). That word “expectation” actually means “thing that I long for” in the Greek according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance. Our hope is to stay steadfast on God through seasons of waiting. He is the One Who will give it, if it is to happen.

In other words, just wait. Again Sarah to make changes in order for to meet Kory. God never dropped the man on her doorstop. (If he did, let us know).

Next Paragraphs:

Quote

When waiting, we pray. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” And my top favorite: “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

If as we wait, we focus on ourselves and our lack of the thing we are waiting for, then self pity, frustration, and bitterness will likely be the result. Isn’t it possible God wants to withhold something from us for a season or forever because He has a purpose in that? Hasn’t He promised us: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28)?

Yes, praying doesn't hurt, but it isn't necessarily God's fault that it hasn't work. As the old proverb says You got to meet God halfway.

New Paragraph:

Quote

Through the years of waiting, each disappointment was an opportunity to go back to the basics of a relationship with Christ. Who is sovereign and in charge? Can I trust Him? Am I walking in faith or in fear? Are my expectations in God or in the thing I desire?

Again this isn't God's fault. Sarah might have been able to find someone if she had been able to take more chances and meet someone. 

New Paragraph:

Quote

God withheld a husband from Sarah for a long time. Now her wait is over. Many of you have prayed for a husband for Sarah, and you will rejoice with us over God’s goodness to her. We wanted you to know her joy. 

Why is it her joy and not 'our joy"? I would hope you and Steve are happy. I wonder if they're worried their readers will think them selfish if they admit they're happy about it. Given the way they praise Kory, they seem happy about the wedding.

In general, this column isn't good. Yes sometimes life requires patience, but you need to be proactive. It's dishonest to make this about passive waiting. Passive waiting was the Maxwell strategy and it didn't work. It required Sarah to get in the world. She developed independence. It seems likely to me she didn't meet Kory until after she moved out. Hopefully this leads to a more egalitarian relationship. Maybe Sarah always wanted a man who saw as more of an equal, but couldn't find that in the people she was meeting before she moved out.

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I'm not impressed by Teri's post, for all the reasons that have been mentioned.

I'm not dissimilar in age to Sarah, and I'm also a Christian who has never married despite wanting to since I was a teenager. That was what we were taught was the highest goal for a woman. For whatever reason, it hasn't worked out for me. But if I ever viewed it as God withholding a husband from me, that would make me extremely angry and turn me away from God. What a messed up view! Instead, I've focused on how good God is to give me a full life where I can do things that are important to me. I still want to get married, not because I believe that's a woman's high calling, but because long-term companionship and partnership would be nice. I believe if it's meant to happen it will,  but if it's not meant to happen then I'll still find plenty of fulfillment otherwise, as I have so far in my single years.

If my mother ever told the world that God is withholding a husband from me, I would not handle that well.

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I have two thoughts after reading Teri's post:

1.) They Steve likely chased away suitors over the past two decades.  Heartbreaking as it is, Sarah likely dodged some bullets.  I can't imagine a Steve-approved match would be a happy one.

2.) Regarding the line that Sarah got more than she expected, this is not the first time Teri has been so what passive aggressive towards Sarah in her posts.  I sort of wonder if there isn't some hidden resentment or jealousy there since Sarah sort of took over the mother/teacher/writer role when Teri was overwhelmed and, by all accounts, was more successful at it.

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God didn't withold a husband, Steve did, either directly by rebuffing or  discouraging suitors or indirectly by keeping his daughters isolated and separate; Terri shares the blame by colluding with him.   Sarah managed just fine on her own once she'd escaped to her own home. 

Astonishing lack of insight or self reflection going on in that post.

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12 minutes ago, Teaistheway said:

God didn't withold a husband, Steve did, either directly by rebuffing or  discouraging suitors or indirectly by keeping his daughters isolated and separate; Terri shares the blame by colluding with him.   Sarah managed just fine on her own once she'd escaped to her own home. 

Astonishing lack of insight or self reflection going on in that post.

The speed at which she found a life partner once she exited Maxwell tells you all you need to know. 

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1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

The speed at which she found a life partner once she exited Maxwell tells you all you need to know. 

Exactly. Same for Mary. Off to college and gets a boyfriend rather quickly. When the Maxwell gals are left to their own devices, they do well for themselves. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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