Mom's Corner by Teri

[Hane]

Remember all the mandatory 5:30 AM group Bible time in Maxhell, and all the time Teri withdrew to her room to “read Scripture” (aka nap)? I’m willing to bet Stevehovah has always been a morning person who is convinced everyone who isn’t is a sluggard.

Teri’s comment about not getting around to buying a new journal for months, and then being relieved when she got one for Christmas, speaks volumes about her depression. When we’re overwhelmed, it’s so difficult to get out of our own way and accomplish anything.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hope Teri gives up mom’s corner like Sarah gave up the blog. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. And don’t let Steve guilt you into doing something you don’t want to do anymore. 

[Jana814]

I have to agree with the above poster who said Steve is probably a morning person & forced everyone else to be one. My father is a night owl the only reason he would be up @ 5:30 in the morning is if he was sick. 

[Foursquare]

5 hours ago, Hane said:

Teri’s comment about not getting around to buying a new journal for months, and then being relieved when she got one for Christmas, speaks volumes about her depression. When we’re overwhelmed, it’s so difficult to get out of our own way and accomplish anything.

I so agree.  She loved journaling and had done it for decades.  Her notebook ran out and she couldn't manage to replace it.  It didn't even need to be a fancy journal--any spiral notebook from the drugstore would work.

[Zebedee]

The Maxwell's are too depressing for me usually, so I'd like to extend my thanks to all, especially I think @Bluebirdbluebell who trawl through it all and provide updates and expert analysis. However, only just OT, I'd like to announce that, although I didn't cut lettuce with it, I successfully shredded a Savoy cabbage in seconds, using a pizza cutter! So, thanks, Maxwells, for the idea. I am currently eating bubble and squeak (fried potato/cabbage cakes, not my two older rats, who also bear the name, so nice and meatless and frugal) and will never again use a knife for the shredding!

[ElizaB]

I actually think Teri is the best writer in the family. I think she often has a nice way of putting things. Steve’s articles always come off as- this is how I do things and you should too because my way is the best and if you don’t do it you’re an awful person. Teri’s articles always come across as- this is something I struggle with and this is what i do to help- maybe it can help you too. they have a completely different non- confrontational tone. 

[allyisyourpally5]

I loved my grandparents so much and miss them deeply now. They made me feel so loved and special and that I was their world. Me and my sister and our cousin were the only grandchildren so maybe that what why.

I just can’t imagine having to share that relationship with so many people. I mean a few is fine, the 3 of us were treasured and having cousins is great. But 16 grand max kids? Plus the 8 “children” so for Teri and Steve, 24 people. A birthday every 2 weeks? And in the Duggar world, oh my Lord. 30 Grandkids, 19 kids. 49 people plus spouses. A birthday every week. Again, maybe great in some ways as a kid but how lost would you be? Half the people you’re constantly surrounded by basically being strangers because you just can’t have that strong a relationship with that many people. 

[anjulibai]

Up until Sarah moved away from the blog, a lot of Teri's articles were written by Sarah. So, is Teri the good writer or is Sarah? 

[anachronistic]

@anjulibai good point! After all, you can be good at something without liking it. I’m good at potty training kids and parallel parking but I don’t enjoy either. 

[nvmbr02]

On 12/13/2022 at 12:51 PM, SassyPants said:

I remember another thing my grandma did. When I was away at college in the 70s, my GM would send me a card with $5 every week. 

My oldest daughter is away at college and my grandmother zelle's her some fun money every month. It isn't a lot of money but my daughter is so excited and appreciative about it every month. She always texts a thank you to her great grandmother who then has to have either my sister or my niece help text her back. 

[usmcmom]

On 1/19/2023 at 8:10 PM, nvmbr02 said:

My oldest daughter is away at college and my grandmother zelle's her some fun money every month. It isn't a lot of money but my daughter is so excited and appreciative about it every month. She always texts a thank you to her great grandmother who then has to have either my sister or my niece help text her back. 

I love this. My mother used to send ten dollars a month to each grandchild in college. It gave her a lot of joy to do that. 
 

I LOVE this grandparent thread drift. I watch my grandson (almost two years old) two days a week. The only time I tightly schedule a day is if we are going to take him on “an adventure” - play land, pumpkin patch, my doctors’ appointments - because I want to be careful of nap, meal and snack times. Most days, I follow his lead and we play however he wants to play. I DO keep an activity in mind every day for those moments when things are kind of falling apart. Sometimes, I just have to say “now is a good time to pull out that new matching game.” 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

They posted an old mom's column instead o the new one. @FloritaIf you have the text for this month Mom's Column, would you please post the column?

[Florita]

8 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

They posted an old mom's column instead o the new one. @FloritaIf you have the text for this month Mom's Column, would you please post the column?

It appears to be a repeat from January 2000, "How Long Does Character Growth Take?" It came from Steve's email account. I always scroll down to see if the number of grandchildren has changed (it hasn't) but was surprised to find the number of married children changed.

Spoiler

Are you ever disheartened because your children aren’t making the progress you desire, particularly in an area of godly character growth? Does this sometimes cause you to want to give up on it? I remember working with our five younger children on responding to directions with a simple “Yes, Ma’am” or “No. Ma’am.” There had been too many situations where I didn’t know if a child was disobedient or simply hadn’t heard what he was to do. Would you believe it took a year and a half of focusing on that for them to learn to consistently respond?

Does a year and a half sound like a long time to learn to say, “Yes, Ma’am?” It sure did to me! That experience brought me a new perspective on the reality of what character teaching really meant! It might take weeks, months, and even years.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Therefore, we are to be obedient and consistent in teaching our children the ways of the Lord. We instruct, disciple, discipline, encourage, and praise. We pray diligently concerning the specific areas we are working toward. However, the results are not ours! They are the Lord’s, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). Whether it takes a week, a month, a year, or ten years does not matter.

How freeing this should be for you, as a mom. You do not shoulder the responsibility for the outcome. On the other hand, remaining consistent in the teaching is tremendous. It can become wearisome, at times, if your eyes come off the Lord and onto yourself. Galatians 6:9 is a familiar verse that says, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Might we agree on the importance of our children going in godly character?

It should not be surprising that it would take children time to develop godly character. Consider  your own personal struggles with character as an adult. For example, how often do you respond to your children with a slight tone of irritation in your voice? Is that the way you want to answer them? Have you prayed and worked toward not letting this happen? Do you still do it?

Hebrews 5:14 says, “But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” If, “by reason of use,” we come to discern both good and evil, it makes sense to me that “by reason of use” is also an integral part of learning to do good. “Character” doesn’t happen overnight!

Expect the development of godly character to be a long, ongoing process worthy of the pouring out of your very life! Don’t look at the short-range progress but at the long-term goals. Set your heart, prayers, and consistent teaching on the Lord’s desire for your child to grow in Christ-likeness. Then patiently, day by day, teach, train, and love your children toward their character growth, knowing that the Lord Who has called you is faithful. “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)” (Hebrews 10:23).

What about you? Have you been discouraged lately over a lack of character growth in your children? Have you become weary in your well doing? May I encourage you to step back, take a deep breath, lift your heart to the Lord, and continue on. Be ready for the long haul, not looking for immediate results but trusting the Lord to accomplish His will.

Trusting Jesus,
Teri Maxwell 

 

[ElizaB]

You know what, take out all the Bible quotes and this could be applicable to a lot of things with kids and the message is kind of nice- kids take a long time to learn and develop new things- don’t expect changes over night. Her message is patience - kids can’t do what you think they should do all the time after one reminder. 
 

I see this a lot in her moms corners. She has the basis of good ideas that sometimes get a bit lost as she tries to pile in Bible quotes.

[Bethy]

On 1/11/2023 at 7:50 AM, Hane said:

Remember all the mandatory 5:30 AM group Bible time in Maxhell, and all the time Teri withdrew to her room to “read Scripture” (aka nap)? I’m willing to bet Stevehovah has always been a morning person who is convinced everyone who isn’t is a sluggard.

Fundies love to play the "be a morning person or you're a sluggard" card. A couple references to the Psalmist spending time with God "early in the morning" and suddenly EVERYBODY needs to be up and reading the Bible while it's still dark outside or you're lazy and unspiritual. Also the book of Mark where Jesus gets up early and goes to a secluded place to pray. But...Jesus also turned water into wine and fed several thousand people off one kid's Bible-times equivalent of a Lunchable - I doubt any of us could be expected to do likewise. But yet fundies love to guilt trip you if you can't get up hours earlier than your body wants or your schedule dictates to have your quiet time at some arbitrary ridiculous hour. Years ago the Sovereign Grace ladies (CJ Mahaney's wife and daughters, I think) used to have a FB group that was something ridiculous like "The 5AM Club" where the faithful had to check in in real time to prove that they'd gotten up crazy early to have their quiet time and prove they were disciplined 🙄

[SassyPants]

11 minutes ago, Bethy said:

Fundies love to play the "be a morning person or you're a sluggard" card. A couple references to the Psalmist spending time with God "early in the morning" and suddenly EVERYBODY needs to be up and reading the Bible while it's still dark outside or you're lazy and unspiritual. Also the book of Mark where Jesus gets up early and goes to a secluded place to pray. But...Jesus also turned water into wine and fed several thousand people off one kid's Bible-times equivalent of a Lunchable - I doubt any of us could be expected to do likewise. But yet fundies love to guilt trip you if you can't get up hours earlier than your body wants or your schedule dictates to have your quiet time at some arbitrary ridiculous hour. Years ago the Sovereign Grace ladies (CJ Mahaney's wife and daughters, I think) used to have a FB group that was something ridiculous like "The 5AM Club" where the faithful had to check in in real time to prove that they'd gotten up crazy early to have their quiet time and prove they were disciplined 🙄

My friend who turned very fundie used to run with her lady friends before 6 AM Bible study. These ladies would be out running at 0400. 

[Bethy]

2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

My friend who turned very fundie used to run with her lady friends before 6 AM Bible study. These ladies would be out running at 0400. 

At least they were allowed to go out running! Some fundie family (I have no idea who, I think I read about this here) had a young adult daughter who wanted to walk or run for exercise, but they didn't think it was proper or safe for a young woman to exercise outside so they told her to jump rope alone in the basement.

I wonder what shape her knees are in now.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Sounds like the Maxhell fake cross-fit gym in the basement. Long denim skirts mandatory.

[Alisamer]

The focus on early mornings does make some sense when you look at fundie women, though.

Get up super super early and have Bible time. You have a passel of children so you'll probably be preparing breakfast the second your Bible time is up. If you want to exercise, best to get up even earlier to do that. This is literally the only time all day you will not have another person on you, speaking to you, or expecting something of you. 

So let's say up at 5 to exercise, have Bible time, make breakfast, feed the kids and husband, tend the baby. Clean up from breakfast. By the time you are done with that it's homeschool time. Then making and serving lunch, and cleanup from that, and you homeschool more while the baby is napping. Baby wakes up it's time for feeding them, maybe snack for the older kids, pack everyone up to go run errands maybe or else it's cleaning time and of course, got to have dinner done by the time hubby comes home. Feed the kids and husband and baby and clean from that and maybe then husband leads family Bible time, if he's been listening to Stevehovah. And of course on Wednesdays you also have to get everyone ready for church and there and back. Deal with the baby get baby to bed, get kids bathed and to bed, clean up again, prepare for tomorrow, grade some homeschool stuff maybe, and then it's time to be joyfully available. You pass out exhausted just to get up again 5-6 hours later to do it all over again. And again. Every day. 

I feel like these women could easily go a couple decades without even a minute to THINK. I imagine getting up super early might be tempting just to have 5 minutes alone. 

[SPHASH]

I think I read once Steve and Teri do their morning walks super early like before sunrise so they don't run into joggers, runners, and walkers dressed "immodestly".

[ElizaB]

I believe I read somewhere (I don’t remember where so it may very well be false) very early morning tends to be a very dangerous time for women to be out alone. Because it’s “morning” most don’t have their guard up like they would running outside at night- even though it is still dark. Also, a lot of unsavory people have been up all night.

[Alisamer]

14 hours ago, SPHASH said:

I think I read once Steve and Teri do their morning walks super early like before sunrise so they don't run into joggers, runners, and walkers dressed "immodestly".

That sounds like Steve. He can't control his own eyeballs so he forces other people (Teri, in this case) to inconvenience themselves to accommodate him.

[SPHASH]

And of course they get up major early to do their Baatan Death March aka  14ers while on what some might call a vacation.  Once I think they got up at 2 am to get ready, have Bible Time, then drive to the trailhead which would have been 1 am Mountain Time.

[DJ1234]

"I feel like these women could easily go a couple decades without even a minute to THINK."

 

Isn't that the point?

 

[Botkinetti]

Sleep deprived people are far less likely to argue back. They probably appear to be deeply listening when they’re just waiting to finish so they can get onto the next thing on their list.