Mom's Corner by Teri

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

My grandparents didn't have planned things, either. With one set, we'd go over and just kind of hang out mostly. Sometimes they'd hand us a basketball since they still had a goal up in the driveway when I was young. The adults would talk with the TV on and we'd sit in the floor and play Barbies or read or whatever. There were 3 of us so it worked out that we could occupy ourselves. 

The other grandparents were right next door, so it was much more casual. I remember they spent a lot of time sitting out under the shade trees in the summer, so we'd run over and see them whenever. We also spent a lot of time with grandma "breaking beans" - we grew lots and lots of green beans and would sit with her and string and break the beans watching the world go by and talking, then we'd can them all. 

I was a kid in the 60s. My 3, living grandparents were all  from the old country, older, strict and loving, but zero nonsense. We had to occupy ourselves. My mom’s parents had 1 drawer with old cardboard cut from white boxes, and pencils. Sometimes, not always, we could draw. We could play in the backyard, but it was unfenced to the front and they lived on a very busy street, so we didn’t have free reign. My other grandma had a big, double lot and garden. We did not visit her as much, but when we did, we played outside and with the neighborhood kids. We were lucky that both grandparents were local, so while we saw them frequently, we usually just stayed for a meal and quick visit and left. It probably was best for ALL concerned.

[JermajestyDuggar]

33 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

My grandparents didn't have planned things, either. With one set, we'd go over and just kind of hang out mostly. Sometimes they'd hand us a basketball since they still had a goal up in the driveway when I was young. The adults would talk with the TV on and we'd sit in the floor and play Barbies or read or whatever. There were 3 of us so it worked out that we could occupy ourselves. 

The other grandparents were right next door, so it was much more casual. I remember they spent a lot of time sitting out under the shade trees in the summer, so we'd run over and see them whenever. We also spent a lot of time with grandma "breaking beans" - we grew lots and lots of green beans and would sit with her and string and break the beans watching the world go by and talking, then we'd can them all. 

I broke beans with my great grandparents. Now they were old when I was little. But they were active for their age. So I did help my great grandma garden at her house. Including breaking beans and picking up apples that had fallen from their apple trees. We also liked my great grandpa’s wood shop. Just nailing random wood pieces together to make weird useless things, lol. My great grandma would always play Rack-o with me since it was one of the few games she liked. She also taught me to bake. 

[Alisamer]

I think this is one thing that probably doesn't get considered all that much, but I feel a little bad for the children in these fundie famillies where there's 9000 grandchildren. So many of us have memories of spending time with our grandparents. One grandma used to always give us peanut butter crackers and home-canned peaches for a snack. One used to slip us little debbie cakes and insist of course we could have both in the pack, not just one. One set of grandparents had azalea bushes, a huge backyard, and would set up a croquet set sometimes, grandma still worked and liked to travel and collected pens. One set of grandparents lived next door and we'd just see them often, we'd ride our bikes around and around in their driveway, sit on the porch with them, break beans, and listen to stories of when they were young.

With first cousins there are a total of 7 of us. But we are so spread out that I feel like we each got some individual, yet different, experience with our shared grandparents. I was a kid in the 80s when grandma still worked, grandpa was still working though slowly reducing the number of jobs (he was a brick mason), and my aunt was just graduating high school and going to college, then marrying and living away from home. Mom was a SAHM, we'd see her parents on occasional weekends briefly for an afternoon, or occasionally go shopping with grandma after work or on a weekend. My youngest cousin was an only child in the late 90's and 2000s, when grandma and grandpa were both long retired, so they cared for her and babysat her a LOT, and later in her childhood they both began to decline health and memory-wise. Both of us have fond, but very different, memories of them.

I guess Teri's grandchildren will remember her annual picnic and her scheduled 30 minute story times, and occasional bean burrito Sunday lunches. Which is fine. Teri is clearly not a kid person, but seems to make some effort. Steve seems to be more natural with the kids, but also has a huge pole up his butt, so no telling how they'll remember him. 

But I think of the Duggars, for example. What is grandkid number 50 going to remember about their grandparents? Does Mackynzie see Michelle as a traditional-style grandma, or more as the youngest Duggar girls' mom, since she's right around their ages? If they make an effort to stay in touch with Jinger's kids, will they do the same once they're even more overwhelmed with grandkids all over the place? Will they even be able to remember their names? Same with JillRod. Right now she's all over Nehi and Newman. And chances are Kaylee will be pregnant sooner than later. But when Sadie and Olivia and Janessa start having kids, and there are already a ton of others, will Jill even bother to get to know them? She seems to barely know her own kids! Maybe Steve and Teri won't have quite so many that they are nothing but numbers to brag about, but I can see the youngest Duggar grandchildren and grandRods being just little numbers for the grandparents to tally up.

[JermajestyDuggar]

34 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I think this is one thing that probably doesn't get considered all that much, but I feel a little bad for the children in these fundie famillies where there's 9000 grandchildren. So many of us have memories of spending time with our grandparents. One grandma used to always give us peanut butter crackers and home-canned peaches for a snack. One used to slip us little debbie cakes and insist of course we could have both in the pack, not just one. One set of grandparents had azalea bushes, a huge backyard, and would set up a croquet set sometimes, grandma still worked and liked to travel and collected pens. One set of grandparents lived next door and we'd just see them often, we'd ride our bikes around and around in their driveway, sit on the porch with them, break beans, and listen to stories of when they were young.

With first cousins there are a total of 7 of us. But we are so spread out that I feel like we each got some individual, yet different, experience with our shared grandparents. I was a kid in the 80s when grandma still worked, grandpa was still working though slowly reducing the number of jobs (he was a brick mason), and my aunt was just graduating high school and going to college, then marrying and living away from home. Mom was a SAHM, we'd see her parents on occasional weekends briefly for an afternoon, or occasionally go shopping with grandma after work or on a weekend. My youngest cousin was an only child in the late 90's and 2000s, when grandma and grandpa were both long retired, so they cared for her and babysat her a LOT, and later in her childhood they both began to decline health and memory-wise. Both of us have fond, but very different, memories of them.

I guess Teri's grandchildren will remember her annual picnic and her scheduled 30 minute story times, and occasional bean burrito Sunday lunches. Which is fine. Teri is clearly not a kid person, but seems to make some effort. Steve seems to be more natural with the kids, but also has a huge pole up his butt, so no telling how they'll remember him. 

But I think of the Duggars, for example. What is grandkid number 50 going to remember about their grandparents? Does Mackynzie see Michelle as a traditional-style grandma, or more as the youngest Duggar girls' mom, since she's right around their ages? If they make an effort to stay in touch with Jinger's kids, will they do the same once they're even more overwhelmed with grandkids all over the place? Will they even be able to remember their names? Same with JillRod. Right now she's all over Nehi and Newman. And chances are Kaylee will be pregnant sooner than later. But when Sadie and Olivia and Janessa start having kids, and there are already a ton of others, will Jill even bother to get to know them? She seems to barely know her own kids! Maybe Steve and Teri won't have quite so many that they are nothing but numbers to brag about, but I can see the youngest Duggar grandchildren and grandRods being just little numbers for the grandparents to tally up.

I’ve often thought about this with families like the Duggars and Bateses. Jim Bob seemed please to hit number 30 with his grandkids. But I bet he couldn’t name all of them. I bet he barely knows Jinger’s kids since they live a few states away. At least some of the married Duggar children married into smaller families. We know Justin’s kids will get plenty of attention from Claire’s parents. Jinger’s kids are the only grandchildren in Jer’s family. Katey Duggar’s parents are probably more focused on Truett than JB and Michelle. I’m sure these kids will realize they are much closer to their other grandparents compared to the Duggars. 

Edited December 12, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[SPHASH]

I envy all of you who got to know their grandparents.  

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

35 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

I envy all of you who got to know their grandparents.  

 

Young marriage running in my family meant I knew my grandparents and some of my great grandparents. My kids don’t remember most of their great grandparents and my kids have much older grandparents than I did. Because my husband and I didn’t get married at 20/21 and start popping out babies right away like so many did in my family. I bet my kids will wait to have kids and I will be a much older grandma that my parents were. 

[Jana814]

My friend was an only grandchild from her maternal grandmother (they were very close) & one of like 10 plus for her paternal grandmother. Her paternal grandmother had dementia & her younger cousins didn’t want to be around her. She didn’t get it. I told her she doesn’t know them & it’s scary for them. 

[SassyPants]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I think this is one thing that probably doesn't get considered all that much, but I feel a little bad for the children in these fundie famillies where there's 9000 grandchildren. So many of us have memories of spending time with our grandparents. One grandma used to always give us peanut butter crackers and home-canned peaches for a snack. One used to slip us little debbie cakes and insist of course we could have both in the pack, not just one. One set of grandparents had azalea bushes, a huge backyard, and would set up a croquet set sometimes, grandma still worked and liked to travel and collected pens. One set of grandparents lived next door and we'd just see them often, we'd ride our bikes around and around in their driveway, sit on the porch with them, break beans, and listen to stories of when they were young.

With first cousins there are a total of 7 of us. But we are so spread out that I feel like we each got some individual, yet different, experience with our shared grandparents. I was a kid in the 80s when grandma still worked, grandpa was still working though slowly reducing the number of jobs (he was a brick mason), and my aunt was just graduating high school and going to college, then marrying and living away from home. Mom was a SAHM, we'd see her parents on occasional weekends briefly for an afternoon, or occasionally go shopping with grandma after work or on a weekend. My youngest cousin was an only child in the late 90's and 2000s, when grandma and grandpa were both long retired, so they cared for her and babysat her a LOT, and later in her childhood they both began to decline health and memory-wise. Both of us have fond, but very different, memories of them.

I guess Teri's grandchildren will remember her annual picnic and her scheduled 30 minute story times, and occasional bean burrito Sunday lunches. Which is fine. Teri is clearly not a kid person, but seems to make some effort. Steve seems to be more natural with the kids, but also has a huge pole up his butt, so no telling how they'll remember him. 

But I think of the Duggars, for example. What is grandkid number 50 going to remember about their grandparents? Does Mackynzie see Michelle as a traditional-style grandma, or more as the youngest Duggar girls' mom, since she's right around their ages? If they make an effort to stay in touch with Jinger's kids, will they do the same once they're even more overwhelmed with grandkids all over the place? Will they even be able to remember their names? Same with JillRod. Right now she's all over Nehi and Newman. And chances are Kaylee will be pregnant sooner than later. But when Sadie and Olivia and Janessa start having kids, and there are already a ton of others, will Jill even bother to get to know them? She seems to barely know her own kids! Maybe Steve and Teri won't have quite so many that they are nothing but numbers to brag about, but I can see the youngest Duggar grandchildren and grandRods being just little numbers for the grandparents to tally up.

My grandma used to buy an assortment of candy bars and  she kept them in the refrigerator drawer. Every time we visited we each got to pick a candy bar to take home with us.

[kpmom]

God bless all of you grandparents who help out with your grandkids. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. 
 

My husband and I were older when we got married and had kids and only his 80 year old dad was around when the kids were born. 
 

I would have given my right arm to have some help when the kids were little. One of our children is developmentally disabled so hiring a teenage babysitter was not an option. 
 

We finally qualified for respite care because of our DD son, and that made all the difference. We got out of the house a couple times a month, and I really think that saved our marriage. We were ships passing in the night before that.   I realize now how isolated and depressed I was back then. 
 

So, really, bless you for helping family or friends. 

[Coconut Flan]

I'm glad my daughter had her kids when she did.  I can't do now what I could eight to ten years ago when they could wake me up in the middle of the night to walk the floor with a baby.  I remember several times of my SIL getting exasperated and just handing me an infant. 

I was in the room next door when grandson moved from the nursery to his new room and big boy bed.  The first night he managed to fall out of the bed to underneath it.  I went in after hearing the thump and couldn't find him.  I had to go back to the guest room for my phone and glasses and then pull him out from under the bed by his ankles once I found him.  Silly guy still did not wake up through all of that.  

Who would not want those memories?  

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

My mom said I used to climb out of my crib and sleep under it. Often. I was a weird kid. Hell I’m a weird adult. 

[ElizaB]

We've talked about in another thread (not sure which one) about how it is easier to have a large family if you don't come from a large family. Grandma Duggar lived with the Duggars and did all their laundry. Teri Maxwell's parents had the kids over every Friday so Teri could do housework in peace. It is a lot harder to help your children when you have so many of them. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, ElizaB said:

We've talked about in another thread (not sure which one) about how it is easier to have a large family if you don't come from a large family. Grandma Duggar lived with the Duggars and did all their laundry. Teri Maxwell's parents had the kids over every Friday so Teri could do housework in peace. It is a lot harder to help your children when you have so many of them. 

Braggie’s mom helps raise and homeschool her kids because she only had two children! Braggie has 10. Braggie will never help her children out like that. Even if Braggie only had 4 grandkids she wouldn’t help out though. Because she’s a selfish ass. Zoo’s mother in law always flies in after she has a baby so she can help out. One of the very few examples of large fundie families coming from large fundie families is the Bontragers. They come from huge Amish/Mennonite families. Their grandparents definitely didn’t help out. They had their own work to do and likely had way too many grandchildren for any sort of babysitting to happen. 

[marmalade]

How about Becky? Is she helping out with her grands? Did she help Chelsy? I thought they were touring when Maddy was born, so no help there (did Teri step in? Probably not.) What about when she had her surgery? Did she get any help at all? 

[hoipolloi]

We have 2 grandkids in another state so we donʻt see them as often as weʻd like. 

As official olds in our 60s, we did pretty well when left with them for several days while their parents went out of town. Fortunately, that time did not include a trip to the ER or urgent care with the younger one -- not sure we would survived that because that child HATES going to any medical office! I will say that the older grandchild was immensely helpful in relating routines, household customs, etc. 

We adore them both. What else can I say?

[SassyPants]

I remember another thing my grandma did. When I was away at college in the 70s, my GM would send me a card with $5 every week. 

[anniebgood]

Didn't know my paternal grandparents at all, they were dead before I was born. My moms parents were dairy farmers and we were for a time the closest grandkids. They had a huge front yard that went to the lane and a culvert before that. Chicken coops and a few geese and goats wandered. Learned how to milk a cow and pick beans. Later the younger uncles got married and had kids and lived close to Granma. 

Once or twice a year the Wisconsin and Illinois families all gathered. I remember going to a Hakes family reunion with a huge family tree. Wished I had paid more attention. 

Grandma would bake and let us help and there was always something to do. 

When my kids were little my mom was there. 1st stepdad died when Josh was 7 months old. She used to say he saved her. #2 came and the three of them did tons of things together. My brother had a child but they lived 360 miles from her and didn't come very often. Mom remarried and #2 was totally in love with stepdad. They were great grandparents. 

Here I am at 69.5 with no prospects of grandchildren. I can have grandma lust with other peoples kids, cats, and puppies. 

 

[AverageGiraffe]

I'm child free by choice and my little brother has expressed zero interest in having kids or even finding a long term partner. My sister just got married and is about to be 32-- she had always said she wanted kids but hasn't mentioned much about that for years, until a few weeks ago when she told me she wants a baby sometime soon. I hope if she wants kids she has them, because my mom and dad would make the absolute BEST grandparents. They're in their late 50's and my mom was a wonderful mother who loves children and would absolutely spoil and love the hell out of a grandkid. My mom has never pressured me to have kids ("if you don't want a kid, then I don't want you to have a kid either") but the only thing I've ever regretted about not having children is taking that away from her. She'll be the grandma who is always around, playing and making memories. 

[Alisamer]

I'm fairly certain that my family is going to die out in the next generation. Me and my sisters have no kids. Next oldest cousin just got married and they haven't said anything yes or no, but based on their lifestyle and location I'd be a little surprised if they decided to have kids. Next youngest has said she doesn't want kids. The youngest hasn't said yes or no, but really probably SHOULDN'T have kids for a large variety of reasons from maturity to financial to the fact she has medical conditions that make it risky and requires medication that would be contraindicated in pregnancy. 

I'm sure my parents generation are a little sad they won't have grandkids, my dad would be an excellent grandpa. But we have a friend's kid who is their unofficial grandchild and they have a grand-cat. And they have freedom to travel and do what they want whenever they want without worrying about missing kid events. It is what it is.

[Loveday]

It's very possible my immediate family line will die out with my kids. My late brother never had children. My daughter might have children, but she and her fiancee (the wedding is in a few months! 😃 ) haven't decided yet, and I don't know how they'll work it out if they do decide to. Will my daughter be the pregnant one, or will her fiancee since she's in her mid-20s and my daughter is in her early 30s? (I know that's not 'old' by any means--I had her when I was 33! LOL.) But if her fiancee actually has the pregnancy, technically the child won't be of my 'bloodline,' in genealogy terms. They'll be as fiercely loved and cherished as if they were, of course, and I'll be so thrilled to be a grandma I won't be fit to live with! but when I add them to my Ancestry tree, I suppose I'll have to make a notation for researchers generations down the line. (and I just thought of this, but if the sperm donor is someone they know and openly acknowledge, I will have to add them to the tree as well and, if they don't mind, research THAT line back as well, so my grandchild will have a well-researched tree on all sides of their family! Family research is never finished, is it?! LOL))

And my son's wife had a miscarriage a few weeks ago; it would have been their first. 😢 I know that doesn't mean she'll never have children--I had a miscarriage before I had my two as well. But it's always a possibility, I guess, and I've mentally prepared myself for that. 

At any rate, I just keep hoping and praying, but never saying a word one way or the other, because I don't want to be THAT person who can't stop asking her kids the question: "Soooo....when are you going to start a family?" 😏

[Baxter]

@Loveday I hope you get your grandkids soon. You sound a bit like my mom. Until my sisters and I started having kids, I was completely unaware how much my mom was hoping to be a grandmother. She had never said a word to us about it because she didn't want to put pressure on us. She figured that being a parent is hard so no one should have kids if they didn't want to. Now, she is delighted that she gets to do all the grandmother stuff. 

[Loveday]

13 minutes ago, Baxter said:

@Loveday I hope you get your grandkids soon. You sound a bit like my mom. Until my sisters and I started having kids, I was completely unaware how much my mom was hoping to be a grandmother. She had never said a word to us about it because she didn't want to put pressure on us. She figured that being a parent is hard so no one should have kids if they didn't want to. Now, she is delighted that she gets to do all the grandmother stuff. 

Exactly. I got a lot of pressure from both my side of the family and my husband's, and I swore early on that I would never do that to my kids! 

And thank you, I hope so, too! 🤩 My son and his wife want to have ALLTHEKIDS, so I'm sure they'll try again as soon as the doctor says it's okay!

[ClareDeLune]

Teri is using Sarah's wedding photo as header to her Mom's Corner in which she is desperately trying to sell old book stock.

I followed the link to Great Conversationalists and I was not let down 🤣 Poor 14yo Gerald has had sharp pains in his stomach for 8 days before they took him to a doctor and they are worried how the doctor will judge their parenting because his CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS are not up to scratch!

Edited January 10, 2023 by ClareDeLune
double post

[anjulibai]

New Mom's Corner is up. It was written as from Teri's perspective, but submitted by Steve. Interesting. It would not surprise me if Teri no longer wrote the Mom's Corners and Steve was the one doing them now, and they just gave it away.  

Edited January 11, 2023 by anjulibai

[Bluebirdbluebell]

New Mom's Column up. As @anjulibai points out, it's written from Teri's perspective and posted by Steve Maxwell. It is called "The Best of the Best" and it is from January 10, 2022.

First Paragraph:

Quote

The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to encourage you in the importance of spending time each day in the Word. It is easier for me to have that time in my day now that Steve and I are “retired.” Even in those hectic days of babies, toddlers, and homeschooling, I still needed time with Him every day, perhaps even more than I do now. God’s Word is the foundation of our relationship with Him, our walk with Him, and our interactions with ourselves and with others. Just as we nourish our physical bodies daily, we must nourish our souls.

It reads like Steve wrote it despite mentioning "Steve and I". I also think it is easy for her/him to rhapsodize poetic about the hectic days of babies, toddlers, and homeschooling. I hope their readers don't feel bad if they don't manage to read the bible everyday.

Second Section:

Quote

From the Word about the Word

“As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.”  (1 Peter 2:2). Babies don’t want their milk once a week. They demand it every day and multiple times a day at that!

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.” (Psalms 1:2). 

“The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward” (Psalm 19:7-11).

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Throughout Scripture, we see the importance of God’s Word to all aspects our lives. 

I thought it was scripture so I italicized the non-scripture. This is very reminiscent of recent Seriously, Dad? columns. Steve (and maybe Teri, too) loves that verse about desiring scripture like mom's milk (1 Peter 2:2). He mentions it a lot.

Third Section:

Quote

When?

Find a time in your day when you can be consistent with Bible reading. Early morning is generally the most consistent and least interruptible time of day. It is when you are freshest and your mind the least cluttered. It puts Christ in your day as your top priority. Jesus even gives us the personal example of rising early to spend time with God. “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed” (Mark 1:35).

I think it's easy for retired people to say get up early and read the bible. It's hard especially for parents of babies. Steve and Teri have probably forgotten what that was like to have babies. 

Fourth and Final Section:

Quote

For Christmas I was given a lovely, Bible journaling notebook and pen. Journaling as part of my Bible reading time has been my habit for most of my life as a Christian. However, I filled up my last journal a couple of years ago and never initiated buying myself another one. I dropped the journaling from my Bible time and simply read. With my new journal, I wanted to start using it right away. When I did, I realized how much I missed journaling during those months I was reading without doing it.

.I'm glad Teri (Steve?) likes journaling. For their audience, it's more homework. Exactly what they need!

Quote

When I journal during Bible time, I pick a verse from what I read that is meaningful to me. Usually, it is a verse that does one of these things: 

Tells me something about God

Tells me something that will help me in my walk with God or with others

Tells me how to praise God

I date the journal page and then copy the verse (sometimes it is two or three verses together). Next I write down why I chose the verse and what I learned from it. It is a simple way to focus my thoughts on something specific from Bible time. Perhaps this would be helpful in your Bible time, too.

yes I figured you went with verses that are helpful although shouldn't read the whole book. What happens if you never get to some verses if you only read verses you know?

Quote

I hope this year you start the discipline of daily Bible reading if it isn’t already part of your life, and if it is, that you continue making it the cornerstone of your day. It is easy to miss a day and justify it, but remember that baby mentioned in 1 Peter 2:2. Mmight she be our example?

That typo was in the newsletter. Did Teri or Steve not run spellcheck? Again with 1 Peter 2:2. They really like that verse. I think it's weird to say a baby is a role model for adults. I also don't think this column is particularly helpful to busy moms.

Edited January 11, 2023 by Bluebirdbluebell