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Stories Part 2


laPapessaGiovanna
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A what the fuck out of Arizona

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An Arizona man feigning to suffer from Down syndrome tricked a series of female caregivers into bathing him and changing his diaper, according to investigators who have filed felony sex abuse and fraud charges against the creepy scamster.

As alleged in court documents, the scheme by Paul Menchaca, 30, began in May when he advertised on CareLinx, a “nationwide professional caregiver marketplace” that connects clients with home care workers.

In response to the ad, a caregiver corresponded solely via text with a woman named “Amy,” who claimed to be Menchaca’s mother. “Amy” told the caregiver that her son had Down syndrome and “required diaper changes and assistance with bathing,” according to a court filing

The first caregiver told police that she bathed Menchaca and changed his diaper on about 30 occasions. The woman told police that Menchaca occasionally complained “aggressively” that his genitals “were not cleaned enough,” which prompted her to wipe them “more thoroughly.” The caregiver added that Menchaca "had an erection every time his diaper was changed and when he was bathed."

I hope he gets the book thrown at him. 

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There are adult fetish matchmaking sites where people can look for that stuff.  This is wrong on all levels. People get desperate though. Before Craigslist shut down the personal ads I enjoyed perusing them.  Kink is pretty vast, and weird. And the weirder it is, the more desperate people can be to satisfy it.

I bet that dude could have found a professional or something if he could not find a consensual partner. Tricking someone is sick.

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Let's put only one officer in charge of hundreds of the most dangerous prisoners. What could go wrong?

(warning: don't read under the spoiler if you're squeamish)

Prisoner kills cellmate, heads to chow hall with victim’s ear on a necklace

from the article:

Spoiler

An inmate at Columbia Correctional Institution’s annex was able to strangle and mutilate his cellmate, gouge out his eyeballs, wrap his blood-soaked body in a sheet and walk into the prison’s chow hall wearing the dead inmate’s ear strung around his neck before officers learned anything was amiss, several prison sources told the Miami Herald.

[...]

Two of the prison sources said the cellmate became angry at [the victim] for pestering him. After strangling him, he cut off his ear and gouged out his eyeballs, three sources confirmed. He put the ear on a string around his neck, showing it off to several inmates, before morning breakfast in the chow hall, the sources said. He left the eyeballs in a cup in the cell and told other prisoners that he intended to either eat or drink them later.

[...]

A corrections officer, who did not witness either incident but was close to those involved in the investigations, said that officers on the compound are rattled by the explosion of violence that they have been struggling to control with limited resources and short staffing. He described dorms staffed by a single officer, responsible for supervising hundreds of inmates, many of them gang members under the influence of the powerful drug K2, or synthetic marijuana, which is being smuggled or dropped into the prison, sometimes by drones.

 

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Yeah, maybe this isn't the best choice of outfits to wear when getting one of these pictures taken....

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Considering the crimes of creepy Jared Fogle, perhaps a felon should think twice about wearing a Subway t-shirt when posing for his latest sex offender registry photo.

Daniel Audie Wayne Smith, 29, is seen at right in a recent picture taken by Alabama authorities. Smith, a Birmingham resident, is on the state’s sex offender list due to his 2009 conviction on attempted sexual abuse charges. The victim was a seven-year-old boy.

Smith, who was released from prison in 2013, is currently unemployed, according to the state registry. He previously worked for an HVAC firm in Bessemer, a city 20 miles south of Birmingham.

 

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Meanwhile in West Virginia, Casdorph The Destroyer has been arrested again

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West Virginia cops last week busted Glenn Allen Casdorph, 30, after he allegedly assaulted his mother with a spatula during a confrontation in their suburban Charleston home.

In addition to a malicious wounding count, Casdorph was also charged with huffing spray paint (an addiction that resulted in his prior appearance in these pages)..

As TSG reported in 2015, the origin of the defendant’s “Casdorph The Destroyer” nickname is unclear. He was previously known as “Squirrel,” a handle Casdorph reportedly did not embrace.

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

And down in Louisiana the same ghost that has been blowing blow into people's purses is now planting meth on people;

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Responding to a reported stabbing, sheriff’s deputies early yesterday encountered Michael Auttonberry, 59, at the door of his West Monroe residence. Auttonberry, seen at right, cursed at cops and “people who were obviously not there.”

Deputies quickly determined that Auttonberry had not, as he claimed in a 911 call, been “stabbed on the head by an axe.” Nor were there any intruders inside his home.

While making sure that Auttonberry’s residence was clear, a deputy spotted “in plain view on a night stand a open brown paper containing approximately 1 gram of suspected methamphetamine.” A subsequent search of Auttonberry yielded a pill bottle containing another gram of meth.

Auttonberry surmised that a "ghost or intruders" placed the meth on him and were exiting the home through a nearby window. “Which was not accurate,” investigators noted.

 

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San Antonio is worried that a new strip club called the Emergency Room will be mistaken for an actual ER.

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A new strip club on the San Antonio’s northeast side is not even open for business but is already causing controversy.

Some people fear the Emergency Room Gentleman's Lounge could be mistaken as an actual emergency room. The new club will be located off Loop 410 and Perrin Beitel Road.

According to its Facebook page, it's looking for exotic dancers, waitresses, and sexy nurses but some have commented that the name of the place is a dangerous and serious public safety issue.

They fear some may confuse it for an actual emergency room.

Not gonna remark on the immediate jokes that come to mind after reading that.

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Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom North Dakota;

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A North Dakota man tweaking on meth yesterday stripped off his clothes and went into a church’s baptismal font before emerging to walk toward the altar while masturbating, an affront witnessed by 75 individuals attending mass, according to a probable cause affidavit.

A female church employee called police after Burdick (seen at right) disrobed and entered the font, where he was “masturbating facing the altar.” Burdick, she added, then “began walking down the aisle toward the altar while still masturbating.”

Witness Darrell Kilzer, 68, told police that Burdick began to “splash around” in the “Holy Water fountain.” Kilzer added that Burdick later “entered the sanctuary with his ‘machinery’ hanging out and was ‘pumping’ himself.”

When confronted by police, Burdick reportedly said that he was “tweaking” on meth and admitted to using hashish oil. Burdick, Officer Nicholas Pynnonen reported, “appeared to be under drug influence.”

 

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The Kansas man busted trying to stick his thing in a car's tailpipe has copped a plea deal

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Ryan Malek, 24, recently pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of lewd and lascivious behavior that was filed in Municipal Court in Newton, a Wichita suburb. Malek, seen at right, will avoid jail time if he successfully completes the probationary term.

In June, Malek was named in a criminal complaint charging him with repeatedly trying to have sex with the tailpipe of a parked vehicle. Malek was accused of exposing himself with the intent of arousing or gratifying “sexual desires.”

According to cops, Malek was intoxicated when he sought to have sex with the car. His blood alcohol content was recorded at more than four times the legal limit following his May 1 arrest.

Police responding to a 911 call about a man beneath an auto discovered an “oblivious” Malek seeking to place his penis in the vehicle’s tailpipe. When Malek ignored police demands that he cease trysting with the auto, an officer tased him. He was then handcuffed and taken to a local hospital.

 

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Well, at least my family hasn't reached this level of crazy. 

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According to a Thursday night press release from the Sullivan County Sheriff’s Office, Douglas Ferguson, 76, is charged with attempted second-degree murder. The incident that led to both his charges and injuries occurred on June 28.

For unspecified reasons, Ferguson allegedly tried to attack his son with a running chain saw. SCSO investigators report the two men had an ongoing feud with several previous run-ins.

“The son defended himself against the attack by running over the suspect with the lawn mower,” states an SCSO press release. “The injuries that the suspect (Ferguson) sustained were as a result of the lawn mower striking and running over him.”

Det. Matt Harrison investigated the case and obtained a warrant for Ferguson’s arrest. Due to Ferguson’s injuries, hospitalization and rehabilitation, he could not be arrested until Tuesday. A violation of probation warrant was also served on Ferguson, with the probation related to a previous aggravated assault.

Daaayyyyuuuummmmmm.

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Those Minnesota birds are out of control

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 Police in Gilbert, Minn., are warning residents about a group of youthful residents unable to handle their alcohol. They’ve been drifting around town looking disoriented, narrowly avoiding getting hit by cars.

But these aren’t teenagers getting drunk. Instead, it’s the local bird population.

“The Gilbert Police Department has received several reports of birds that appear to be ‘under the influence’ flying into windows, cars and acting confused,” Police Chief Ty Techar wrote in a statement Tuesday. An early frost meant that berries had fermented earlier than usual, he explained, and birds were eating them and getting drunk.

Incidents around town involving intoxicated birds appear to be more prevalent than in past years, Techar added, because many have not yet migrated south. “It appears that some birds are getting a little more ‘tipsy’ than normal,” he wrote. “Generally, younger birds’ livers cannot handle the toxins as efficiently as more mature birds.”

 

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Important tip: don't mail J to Federal judges  like one Jeffrey Schirripa did in his case Shirripa v. US.

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Appellant Jeffrey Nathan Schirripa submitted to the court 18 copies of his confidential petition for panel rehearing and rehearing en banc. Upon examination, Appellant affixed to each petition what appear to be samples of cannabinoids, which may be controlled substances possessed or mailed in violation of federal law.

IT IS ORDERED THAT:

The Clerk of Court is directed to transmit these 18 documents to the U.S. Marshals Service for appropriate disposition or alternate action within the purview of the U.S. Department of Justice.

[SchirripaOrder] In the underlying case, Schirripa asked the Court of Federal Claims to enjoin the US Government from enforcing the Controlled Substances Act against his actions.  The court dismissed that case and the dismissal was affirmed on appeal.  Good luck Mr. Schirripa, and don’t tip the judges.

 

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Meanwhile in PA a woman high on meth pumped gasoline into her rear.

http://cbsnews10.com/erie-pennsylvania-woman-high-on-meth-dies-after-pumping-gasoline-into-her-anus/

Meth. Hell of a drug.

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2 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Meanwhile in PA a woman high on meth pumped gasoline into her rear.

http://cbsnews10.com/erie-pennsylvania-woman-high-on-meth-dies-after-pumping-gasoline-into-her-anus/

Meth. Hell of a drug.

Update: this is SATIRE.  I got roped in by the CBS name in the address.  My apologies.

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4 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Update: this is SATIRE.  I got roped in by the CBS name in the address.  My apologies.

Thank Rufus! :moose:

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Jesus Christ, people are so weird.

I have to admit I sniggered when I saw that pumping gasoline in her anus story (gas into her ass?) 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Someone went to the fuzz because his crack dealers aren't all that happy that he stiffed them.

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According to an Evansville Police Department report, Kenneth Dewayne Woods, 62, came to the police records department and disclosed that he “bought some crack cocaine over a period of time on credit” from a female dealer and her boyfriend.

In light of his unpaid narcotics bill, Woods said, his dealers are now threatening to run him out of town, vandalize his car, and shoot him. Additionally, owing to interest, the dealers now contend that they are owed $500, said Woods.

 

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Tennessee woman is getting in on the action now

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Harley C. Morton, 26, is charged with criminal trespassing, vandalism and disorderly conduct and was nude from the waist down when investigators took her into custody at Cook Out on East Stone Drive, according to Kingsport Police Department records obtained Wednesday by WCYB.

The report said Morton gained access into the ceiling just after 11 p.m. by entering an unauthorized area with stairs that led to the roof then pried open a screen to an air conditioning vent.

A Cook Out employee told an officer that Morton partially fell through a ceiling tile in the kitchen then pulled herself back into the roof area and began running around. Investigators found broken support rails and busted ceiling tile on the floor and then found Morton's wallet and other ID on the roof, the report said.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yeah, that's one way to get their attention....

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A man has been arrested after he drove his pickup truck into a courthouse in Mississippi.

News outlets reported that the Gulfport Police Department said in a news release that 28-year-old Keith Cavalier told officers he intentionally crashed into the Harrison County Courthouse early Saturday because it was the best way to let them know his drug paraphernalia had been stolen.

Cavalier has been charged with driving under the influence and malicious mischief because of damage to the building.

 

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Florida Man's idiot cousin Alabama Man didn't learn anything from the spate of pantless people falling through restaurant ceilings.

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Rule no. 1 of robbing a Waffle House: wear pants

Welcome to Tuscumbia, Alabama, where a pantless would-be burglar fell through the ceiling of a Waffle House after a botched attempt to break into the office of the restaurant.

I also know what you’re thinking: Wait, why was this guy pantless and how did he fall through the ceiling? Is there a connection between the two, or is it pure coincidence? Well, strap yourself in, because there’s a totally logical explanation for all of this.

“He was trying to break into the office of the restaurant by going through the ceiling of the bathroom,” said police chief Tony Logan in an interview with the Times Daily. “Apparently, he made a wrong step and he came down into the dining area.” Logan went on to say that the wannabe burglar used his pants to tie the door to the bathroom as a kind of makeshift lock to ensure no one would come in and foil his most excellent, foolproof plan.

 

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Helicopter moves with one's genitals?

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Early morning customers and staff at a McDonald’s in Edinburgh got some unexpected entertainment when a young man began dancing, half-naked, on counters in the restaurant.

At Edinburgh Sheriff Court today, 29-year old Ryan Dolan from Musselburgh pled guilty to committing acts of public indecency in the South St Andrew Street premises on July 22 this year.

Fiscal Depute, Nicole Lavelle, told Sheriff Peter McCormack that Dolan came into the restaurant around 5am. She said he stood about two metres away from the counter, adding: “Out of the blue he took his trousers and pants off, showing his penis and testicles and thereafter was dancing with his trousers down”.

He pulled his trousers back again, but then jumped across the front counter into the staff area. Dolan was told to leave, but took his trousers and pants off again. “He grabbed his penis and started to play with it,” said the Fiscal, “pretending to serve customers and started dancing again, carrying out helicopter-like moves with his penis”.

Oh, Scotland....

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People should not stick cords up there.

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For reasons yet unknown, a Chinese boy stuck a USB cable up his penis, which wound itself into a knot (the cord, not the penis), and required surgery to remove.

The 13-year-old from China’s Heilongjiang province was taken to a hospital last month, according to Singapore’s Strait Times, presumably because he couldn’t pull the cable out. How? Why? I have questions!

Apparently, the teenager cut off one side of the USB connecter before inserting it into his urethra, thank god. It measured 10 centimeters-long, and had reached his bladder, causing blood to appear in his urine, doctors said.

The Times reports that he did it all “out of curiosity.”

 

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Someone in Pennsylvania really wanted some Natural Light

 

 https://www.facebook.com/112651575499/posts/10161585632720500/

 

 Whoops it was Florida. Not Pennsylvania

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Don't come between people and free cheesecake.

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A large-scale cheesecake giveaway clogged not only arteries but also the roads surrounding a Virginia restaurant where one person was taken to a hospital and faces a disorderly conduct charge.

The restaurant was participating in a national giveaway of 40,000 cheesecake slices in conjunction with a food-delivery service. Police spokeswoman Ashley Savage says nearby roads were jammed, would-be delivery drivers were double-parked and there were reports of a fistfight.

 JeanLucFacePalm.thumb.jpg.f5c293b7315c109e10f9f8b642c8607c.jpg

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Meanwhile New Jersey Man lands in the hospital after a toilet brush incident followed by a visit to the county lockup.
 

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A man with a history of exposing himself in public was arrested after cops found him masturbating in front of women at a Paramus doctor’s office, authorities said Wednesday.

Brian Bates — or, as he might be referred to if he were on “Downton Abbey,” Master Bates — was charged with criminal open lewdness for the Friday incident at a Ridgewood Avenue office, according to borough police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg. Officers went to the medical office for a report of a man exposing himself to patients.

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” Ehrenberg said in a statement.

Bates was taken to New Bridge Medical Center for evaluation after being booked at police headquarters, authorities said.

 

 

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