Bro. Gary Hawkins 15: Not Sweet Fellowshipping with JRod - Yet

[Ozlsn]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hope he's heard that Pence tested negative (so far). It might forestall the inevitable theory that the Democrats have purposely been trying to give Trump and Pence Covid, to get Nancy Pelosi into the White House sooner.

It won't matter, it'll just mean the Democrats missed Pence (metaphorically speaking). The conspiracy theory will hold.

21 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He doesn't add anything to his coffee. "Ah know it's racist today, but ah still drink it black."

Nothing about his demeanor indicates that he thought that was a joke. Does he think people accuse others of being racist just for saying the word black?

Yes, most likely. To be honest I think a lot of Australians would also be very careful about ordering coffee in the states - because we have no idea how sensitive or not it is, so we try and find a way of ordering that doesn't mention colours in any way. 

[forgetmenow]

Watching the talking heads on the news discussing about Trump's COVID but really much more interested in what Gary's take on it will be.  (Of course, 99% of that is due to anticipating @thoughtful's take on Gary's take, but still...)

[thoughtful]

Saw this and thought "Gary, with all of your new-found energy, how many doors will you knock on? A hundred? More? How many converts will you get? Thirty? Forty?"

 

Oh.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

15 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

It won't matter, it'll just mean the Democrats missed Pence (metaphorically speaking). The conspiracy theory will hold.

Yeah, I was being an optimist. Conspiracy theorists gonna conspiracy theory.

15 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Yes, most likely. To be honest I think a lot of Australians would also be very careful about ordering coffee in the states - because we have no idea how sensitive or not it is, so we try and find a way of ordering that doesn't mention colours in any way. 

I can reassure you that describing black objects as black, and referring to coffee with nothing in it as black, is completely without stigma.

46 minutes ago, forgetmenow said:

Watching the talking heads on the news discussing about Trump's COVID but really much more interested in what Gary's take on it will be

I am so annoyed at him for not doing a passionate video full of Garyisms about Trump's illness. I check his Facebook more than I'd like to admit, to see if there's anything there yet.

 C'mon, Gary - get with it!

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

can reassure you that describing black objects as black, and referring to coffee with nothing in it as black, is completely without stigma.

It's more to do with ordering - coffee types here go espresso (those shot glass sized coffee without milk), double espresso (two shots, same size), short black (one shot, about double the volume of water), long black (normal size coffee, no milk), flat white (normal size, with milk) and then into the milk variants (latte, cap, etc.)

There was a widely circulated story from the Atlanta Olympics about an Australian journalist who nearly ended up in a punch up when he asked for a long black - certainly when I travelled to the US in 2000 for the first time we were very careful about how we ordered coffee - we even had a masterclass on the flight from the United flight attendant, who went through coffee terms! (We also modulated our accents so we could ask and be understood, heh. I have a friend from high school who moved to the US and has since settled there permanently, and whose accent is pretty much as it was growing up except for the word "coffee" which has shifted so he can order quickly.)

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

short black (one shot, about double the volume of water), long black (normal size coffee, no milk)

Ah, I can see where that would at least startle someone in the US, and make some people suspect something racist was being implied.

Gary has posted - he thinks he may have won a soul.

Spoiler

Why do these always sound like fishing stories to me?

Spoiler

And:

Spoiler

 

[smittykins]

Well, Jesus did say “I will make you fishers of men.”

[thoughtful]

42 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Well, Jesus did say “I will make you fishers of men.”

True, true. Now I'm picturing soul-winners tying flies, deciding what to put in them - some bright yellow streets of gold, a little not-burning-in-hell, some shiny sitting-by-the-feet-of-Jesus . . .

Putting aside the predictable apostrophe abuse, I want to know if Pastors go "beep beep beep" when you back them up, like trucks.

[Four is Enough]

Oh, NO! Gary is in my hometown! Poor Wayside!!

I wonder if he'll go stand outside St. Mary (my first church) and hand out tracts as people come out of Mass!

[thoughtful]

Looks like Gary preached both Sunday school and service this morning.

The pastor mentions that they brought some people in on a bus, and that there is a children's service in another room. Nobody is masked.

The sing At Calvary, there's a prayer and piano solo for the Offering, and the Hawkinses come up to sing.

Gary does his usual "Good to be in church" (not satisfied with the Amens) "Ah thought this was a Baptist church. GOOD TO BE IN CHURCH! (still not satisfied) "'Bout half of you, ah guess."

He does this every time they sing or he preaches - don't know if I've mentioned that before.

They moan Jesus Passed By. The pastor says he'll never forget March 22, 1999, when Jesus passed by his way.

All sing The Cleansing Wave. Guess what the wave consists of! You got it - blood. A couple sings a song I couldn't find anywhere - the refrain included the line "Come to the cross upon Calvary, there Jesus waits for you."

Gary is introduced, and the pastor mentioned that he also preached at the men's barbecue yesterday. These people really are determined to hold superspreader events. The pastor asks what month Gary was saved, and says "beat you by two months."

Gary makes the usual jokes about how long he will preach, tells them to take a prayer card and put it on the refrigerator, because Baptists go there "5-6-7-8-9 tahms a day amen!"

Gary reads John 3:14-22, not too badly, other than reading the last verse starting with " But he that doeth trust" instead of But he that doeth truth."

Gary wants to preach on What Jesus Did. He gets to yelling preacher mode quickly, telling us how he should have been beaten and hung on the cross, how he had religion but wasn't saved, "it's not in what Gary done, it's what Jesus done."

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

"Mah wahf said they was talking t'some Catholic ladies 'n' they're dependin' on the wafer 'n' they're dependin' on the wahn 'n' they're dependin' on the Pope. Hey! Ah'm dependin' on Jesus!"

This is yelled with a repeated dip, scoop, and step to the right (apologies for any Time Warp earworms) for each thing the imaginary Catholics are "depending on" for salvation. It looks like the mating dance of an exotic bird:

Spoiler

                

 Do these people ever preach about anything that helps people live their lives?

Gary's got about another half hour in this service, then there's another video, but I must go teach. I shall return!

Edited October 4, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Guess what! Gary made the Pope dope joke right after the point at which I stopped earlier. What a surprise! He rattles on some more about Catholics "up north,"  He says he tells them if they are Roman Catholics they ought to follow the Romans Road.

We've heard Gary do this message before, so I'm just going to mention anything new or especially Garyesque.

He quotes the verse that says "for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God," and yells "But thank God, it may be us that come short, but Jesus is the Elongator!"

Spoiler

Well, now I'm picturing Jesus on a late-night infomercial, hawking male enhancement pills. Thanks, Gary!

Death, sacrifice, beating, blood, cat-o-nine-tails, when they got done with him, Jesus "looked like a plowed field."

"People say 'ah got skeletons in the clowset' - yeah, but mahn's been worshed in the blood!"

Here's one we haven't heard for a while - AAA won't help a drunk. No, but it will get you towed to a garage, Gary.

Jesus could have raised the entire graveyard, instead of just "Lazareth," but he was "looking for a Pacific person."

After Gary is done, the pastor asks anyone who knows they are saved to raise their hands, then asks those who doubt they are saved to do the same.

No pressure, though.

Edited October 8, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

I accidentally looked at the main service video first - this is the Sunday school video from this morning. It starts when Gary starts speaking, and is only a half hour. Gary introduces himself.

Gary explains that his burden is for America, not foreign countries. He tells them that, when they first went to Maine, they were told it has "over 900" - Becky: "570" "Over 500 towns, in Maine, that didn't have a Bahble-believing church."

He asks them to turn to John chapter 3. Becky corrects him - Matthew.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+3&version=KJV

After verse 4, Gary jokes that John's wife didn't like him very well. I get it, Gary - food prep is wimmin's work, so there must have been a wife serving him locusts and wild honey. Were they in Tupperware?

He stumbles all over reading this, adds and changes words as usual. My favorite was:

KJV: And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness.
BGV: And Jesus answered and said, Suffer it to be now, be so now: for thus it behoveth us to of - behoveth us to fulfil all righteousness.

Behoveth?

John told it like it is, he did not "bat around the bush."

"If somebody else gits in the Whaht House besides Donald Trump come November 3rd, let me just let you know somethin' you kin kiss yer church goodbah.  As ah have met missionaries across this land that go t'different places 'n' they have to go ah remember a Filipino y'know one tahm 'n' he was talkin' about he was over in the repub - somethin', Republican, what is it?" (reaches out arm to Becky) "Huh? Whatever that country is."
Becky: "Dominican Republic?"
Gary (who was talking over her, of course): "Huh?"
Becky: "Dominican Republic."
Gary: "Yeah, The Minikin Republican. 'N' they was havin' to be very keerful about who they talked to 'n' didn't talk to about church, becowse they would have their heads cut off. That's comin' to America, amen?"

He gets one amen and someone coughing.

"We need to be the forerunner, uh we need to be, listen, hey, we need to quit worryin' about what's gonna happen and, uh, on NBC and the next uh . . . debate . . . we need to be worried about, ah wanna say somethin' to ya, listen - we ought to pray for Donald Trump, but not just for Covid, we need to pray for Donald Trump's salvation. Y'know, ah would hate to - it just boggles mah mahnd, listen, hey, ah ah ah, ah guess ah'm a negative person, ah don't know, mah wahf says ah am 'n' so ah'm tryin' to live up to what she says ah am, amen."

Becky giggles.

"But ah would hate for Donald Trump to burn in Hell after what good he's done for our country, amen?"

He tells us again about the "lady who just dahd"  on the Supreme Court, and the meme he saw of her burning in Hell and asking "would ah ever see all these babies that ah aborted."

He tells them they should talk about salvation wherever they are. He does give the men permission to also talk about sports or motors or trucks, and the women to "talk about how they dress up nice."

Thanks, Gary. Do I also have your permission to discuss other subjects? That one bores me.

Edited October 5, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Ozlsn]

16 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The pastor asks what month Gary was saved, and says "beat you by two months."

Competitive salvation, of course. Talk about miss the point.

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

yells "But thank God, it my be us that come short, but Jesus is the Elongator!

I am dying laughing here. Oh Gazza, that is not a description of Christ I've ever come across before. 

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Jesus could have raised the entire graveyard, instead of just "Lazareth," but he was "looking for a Pacific person."

And now I'm picturing Christ trying to find the lone Polynesian (most likely Samoan) in Judea. 

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary explains that his burden is for America, not foreign countries

Gary is very uncomfortable in foreign countries, or even foreign bits of his own country. 

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Behoveth

I think he might have accidentally stumbled on behove, then added "th" to make it KJV compliant. That actually sounded legit to me, although 'behoveth us to fulfil all righteousness' sounds tricky to do.

After some quick googling I found that it apparently occurs 76 times in the KJV, just not where Gary put it. Or me given that I was sure it was in Mark, but it's not. Although it would fit right in to that verse...

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

But ah would hate for Donald Trump to burn in Hell after what good he's done for our country, amen?"

Did he seriously just admit that Trump is about as Saved as, well, the next lying, cheating, womanizing, corrupt politican out there? I'm never going to understand this logic. 

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I am dying laughing here. Oh Gazza, that is not a description of Christ I've ever come across before.

I know - we must add "The Elongator" to the many titles fundies have given to Jesus.

We really have to do a Weenese dictionary/glossary at some point.

 

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

And now I'm picturing Christ trying to find the lone Polynesian (most likely Samoan) in Judea. 

I was having Mutiny on the Bounty mental images:

Spoiler

 

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

After some quick googling I found that it apparently occurs 76 times in the KJV

I think that's another translation, the YLT, not the sacred KJV.

https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/words/Behoveth/type/ylt

I found "behoove" once in the KJV, and "behove" once. I didn't know "behove" was a word, but I guess it makes sense as the past tense of "behoove."

And now I must watch this, which always pops into my mind when I think of the word "behoove" -

Spoiler

 

I wonder if the YLT was the Bible of Gary's tainted youth (with the lady pastor!), and that's why he sometimes looks right at the KJV and says something different, with a mix of words that sound more modern and just as archaic.

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Did he seriously just admit that Trump is about as Saved as, well, the next lying, cheating, womanizing, corrupt politican out there?

Oh, yes. Gary and lots of other Evangelicals and fundies are sometimes quite open about saying that Trump (according to his testimony) is not saved. He's just useful.

The "gee, poor guy seems good in so many ways, shame he's going to Hell, but, heck, let's vote for him because he's politically right-wing on the side of the angels" applies to their opinion of lots of politicians. Then they pray for that person to be saved (or claim they do), and pat themselves on the back.

See also - governor of South Dakota and the current nominee for the Supreme Court - "women shouldn't work (and one belongs to that Whore of Babylon Catholic Church with the Pope on dope), but if the ladies will do what we want, we love them."

Put an R next to the name of any slimy creature, make a quick check of right-wing sources to be sure they are not a RINO, and they are in with this crowd.

[thoughtful]

Gary was live from the truck this morning.

While he's sucking his teeth and waiting for people to sign on, it sounds like Becky says "Were there like any bears."

Gary says "I don't know."

Neither do I. If anyone with better ears can figure out what she is saying, let us know.

Jacob is asleep in the back seat, his head resting on the usual stack of dangerous stuff next to him.

Gary spends some time reminding us that summer is over, it's fall, July, August and September are passed, we are in October, while his GPS yells at him. Gary says the GPS "don't know where it's at," but he does.

As Gary and the GPS compete to be heard (which goes on through most of the video), and Gary alternates looking at the phone and the road, we hear a sound from Becky. Gary swerves the car a bit to the right then comes back. "There was a ladder right in the middle of the road - somebody lost their ladder. That ain't good." Becky lets out a sort of moan.

Gary, you dick, you could have lost your family. I know, you're all going to heaven, so it doesn't matter. But I'd like to see Jacob have a life first, even if you don't care.

Gary meanders on about a girl who got saved when they were in New York, and wants to bring her mama to church. He's glad she got on the "soul-winnin' trail" IMMEDIATELY. Becky needs to be reminded about who this was, and sounds a bit offended when she says "Who was that? You didn't tell me that."

Gary explains that it was that girl that the guy brought to church - and Becky understands from just that!

He tells us about their upcoming itinerary. Gary thinks it's been a good year.

He assures us (again) that he will be voting all Republican. He thinks Donald Trump is out of the hospital.

Gary admits that Trump has made a few mistakes. "Ah wanna email him and let him know that he needs to be keerful on that."

I wish I could accurately describe his tone of voice when he says this - it's like he's saying he will remind an employee or a child about a forgotten responsibility, as if something important will not get done if Gary doesn't remind Trump, and with full assurance that Trump will comply.

He says he preached the evening service yesterday, as well as the others. He got a compliment from a veteran who liked the fact that he "preached hard."

He's distracted by a license plate. "There's somebody from Maine, all the way from Maine, dang it, ah don't blame 'em, ah'd git out of that cold weather too."

Ooooh, Gary said "dang it."

He gets back to their upcoming gigs, and gets tangled up in trying to remember the name of someone who is preaching. He may or may not be named Tommy - I'll let you know if I ever find out.

They've got a gift card for Outback, thanks to Tupperware - Gary says that's the only good thing he's seen so far come from Becky's selling Tupperware.

Back to voting. You say Trump's not on all "Biblical stands," but "Bahden ain't on no Biblical stands."

"Trump's aginst abortions, even though people lah and say he's not."

"What about the sodomites? Well, heheh, listen, we got so-called people that say they're Christians and saved people who say they ain't aginst them. They, d', y'know, hang out with'em. Hey, ah give 'em a gospel tract 'n' tell 'em about Jesus, but ah'm not gonna go fellowship with 'em, and if you don't - if you think that's wrong, listen ah don't have a problem standin' with God, before God with it. God didn't hang out with 'em, matter of fact, He burned a couple of cities up for it. So, y'know, you go raht ahead 'n' all that stuff."

Um, Gary, besides being a disgusting bigot, as usual, you seem to have sidestepped the point - people who remind you that Trump's not openly condemning gay people as you and your co-bigots would like. Convenient.

Also, so-called people? Gary, you may not think they are Christians, but I can't imagine they are not human.

"And, uh, we git rid o' Pelosi 'n' git that other woman in there, we git rid of Schumer and put somebody else in his place, git rid of, uh, y'know, git rid of 90% of the Democrats, we need to git rid of more'n that, but if we kin git rid of 90% of 'em, Donald Trump git in there the next four years, and uh, make America great agin. Least we kin go out 'n' preach the gospel."

Gary's plan for our country - so astute, so detailed, so rich with political knowledge and subtlety. ?

He signs off. At this point, I am always relieved when Gary signs off. I don't know if a video would make it online if it had ended because the truck crashed into something, but I'm always braced for it.

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And, uh, we git rid o' Pelosi 'n' git that other woman in there, we git rid of Schumer and put somebody else in his place, git rid of, uh, y'know, git rid of 90% of the Democrats, we need to git rid of more'n that, but if we kin git rid of 90% of 'em, Donald Trump git in there the next four years, and uh, make America great agin. Least we kin go out 'n' preach the gospel."

So basically he wants to "get rid" of roughly half the population? Or just half the Congress/Senate representing that half?

Also if you're admitting that Trump needs "90% of 'em" to be gone in order to rule... you're admitting he'll lose the election.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary says the GPS "don't know where it's at," but he does.

Gonna put my money on the GPS frankly.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I found "behoove" once in the KJV, and "behove" once. I didn't know "behove" was a word, but I guess it makes sense as the past tense of "behoove."

Whereas I was going "behoove"? That's a word? Apparently I have only ever heard it in past tense, heh. And yeah, possibly the YLT - I was quite tired while googling. And just now I wondered if I'd come across it in Shakespeare, which certainly yes for "behove" (Polonius says it to Ophelia), and quite a few times for "behoveth" - which I think is actually where the quote that I was mixing up with Mark might be coming from. God knows what I am thinking of though, apparently I can't get my brain to remember enough of it to Google accurately!

[forgetmenow]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"And, uh, we git rid o' Pelosi 'n' git that other woman in there, we git rid of Schumer and put somebody else in his place, git rid of, uh, y'know, git rid of 90% of the Democrats, we need to git rid of more'n that, but if we kin git rid of 90% of 'em, Donald Trump git in there the next four years, and uh, make America great agin. Least we kin go out 'n' preach the gospel."

Careful with those monkey paw wishes, Gary.  It's looking like the "Rose Garden Massacre" might accomplish something approximating this, but with your party.

[Xan]

I'm confused by Gary's latest post:

Spoiler

It's the usual gibberish and Trump-love.  The "TB is very dangerous" was correct but not at all what he meant.  But what the hell does he mean regarding mailing in "a valet"??  Ballot?  Doesn't he ever read what he puts on Facebook?  

Can we all just line up and rebuke Gary now?  If I didn't have a "no touching the poop" rule, I'd have already answered him and gotten "defriended".  That would probably have been better for my mental health.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

But what the hell does he mean regarding mailing in "a valet"??  Ballot?  Doesn't he ever read what he puts on Facebook?  

No, and I hope he never does, because I get so much out of his malapropisms.

 I think he meant "ballot."

But here is what Jeeves said to Bertie about being sent through the mail.

Spoiler

ETA - I see Gary knows that old saw "If you're not part of the locution, you're part of the probably."

Words to live by.

Edited October 7, 2020 by thoughtful

[Four is Enough]

I, too, was wondering just how one would mail a valet..

Quote

 

[thoughtful]

Today is Gary's 48th birthday.

And, if the Lord tarries his coming, tomorrow he will be 48 years and one day old.

Even so, Lord Jesus, quickly come.

 

 

[Xan]

Gary was at another church tonight.  I'm no @thoughtful but I'm willing to give it a shot.  It's probably not fair to make her suffer through Gary for us all the time.  Just listening right now to Gary saying how "en-care-aged" he has become is causing me to wonder about getting second-hand brain damage.

He's doing a Bible reading and then talking about Noah and how big the ark was to be built. Noah didn't have "no fancy tools like we have today".  

Gary is preaching without notes.  He's decided God will direct his preaching.  That means there's going to be lots of "Hey... listen...hey..."  Now he has moved onto his love of Trump.  He says he's going to vote for Trump but he won't be in NC during the election.  I thought he was against mailing in a ballot?

He on to talking about losing weight. He's been doing this to work for God and God has helped him.  "God is in control.  He is the master of the sea." Then he says the disciples were worried about the sea.  He's confused God and Jesus again.  Now he's onto the hurricane.  "Them herricanes... there's another one out there.. Louisiana's fixin' to get wiped off the map again." "But you know if God can take care of Noah and he can have him on a boat with a bunch of animals and his family.... Ain't nothing wrong with going to church with your family."  (I think there aren't many people in attendance and there must just be a family or two.)  There must not be much of a crowd.  About the only "uh-huh" and "amen" that I hear is coming from Becky.  

Gary is back to doom and gloom. "The door's fixin' to close and we got to do what we can." Then he says that Noah preached for 120 years.  

And now he's talking about orchards.  "You have to trim the trees back to get those apple trees to bear fruit.  Sometimes Christ has to trim us back."  Be a follower of your pasture as long as he's doing something "scriptural".

Good grief.  I'm getting whiplash.  He's jumping back and forth so much I am having trouble following him.

"I don't have a job.  And I said, Lord, you know what?  There's no need to go back to North Carolina to try to get a job cause everything's shut down.   And, Lord, my family still likes to eat.  Amen? And you know what? Uh, here it is October...uh, uh, uh, the 7th and I haven't slowed down.  I haven't stopped."  He says that he hasn't used the tent much but he's going to put it up "Sahrday" whether anyone else is there or not.  (Yeah, Gar.  I've never seen you lift a finger to help put up that tent.  Let's see you get it up by yourself.)  "God's just been good."  

It's just gotten weird.  He goes from talking about God doing what is best and then veers off into talking about not knowing where that other $514.00 is but God knows and when you "sell out for God", God knows.  (I thought he meant selling out for God is bad but now it sounds like he means it's a good thing and there's something about a school and I'll be damned if I can follow his train of thought.  Jeez, thoughtful -- how do you do this??)

Apparently, he told Jacob not long ago that he needs to be helping support a missionary.  (No.  Just, no.)  Some preacher in Pennsylvania gave Jacob some knives to sell and, on the latest trip, he gave him a bunch more to sell.  Gar's point is that God just takes care of things.  (Yeah, Gar.  An omniscient deity overseeing a planet with billions of people is making sure that your son has knives to sell so he can support another IFB deadbeat like you.)

Gary says he told his wife that his mind was just "going 500 different ways... Amen?"  Yeah.  He sounds a little manic.    He's back to Noah.  Noah was building his ark -- all the time while preaching for 120 years and trying to tell people that the rain was coming.  I've got to be honest.  If someone talked for over a hundred years about rain coming, I'd probably not believe him either.  "And if God can take care of Noah, can he not take care of local Baptist churches and the Hawkins family?"   

He's back to his weight loss journey.  God helped him do it.  God loves us enough to send his only begotten son...old rugged cross... etc., etc.    He says he could tell some bad stories but people don't want to hear about that.  Then he starts to tell a story about being in Louisiana in a different vehicle and the vehicle "just quit".  He prayed for God to intervene and in less than an hour he was sitting in a motel.  In less than three hours, his truck was parked at the church.  "He's good like that."  (Silly me and my AAA card.)

Gary is hoping that he can lose enough weight to stop taking his blood pressure pills.  "Am I making sense tonight?"  (Why did you feel that you needed to ask again right there, Gary?)

Now he's onto Covid 19.  We don't need to worry about it.  You have to be safe, Amen?  But we need to be more worried about people going to Hell than "the 1% catching it".    And he jumps over to his Ruth Bader Ginsburg spiel and about people burning in Hell.  We have to worry about Hell because -- and this is Gary's profound thought -- "Eternity is a long time."

Gary says he's not doing this work to get crowns but he wants to "throw crowns back at my Jesus".  Our eyes shouldn't be on each other or on the preacher.  Our eyes should just be on Jesus.  Someone finally explained horse blinders to him so now he's figured out that we need "Jesus blinders" to keep us focused on Jesus.  "Straight is the gate and narrow is the way."  (Isn't that "narrow is the path"??)  Now he's on to Psalms 23:  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He restoreth my soul.  He leadeth me right in his righteousness."   (What happened to "He leadeth me beside the still waters" and "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."?? C'mon, Gary.  You don't know the 23rd Psalm??)

There was no music.  It's the first time I've ever missed hearing Becky play.  He is so boring.

As for me, @thoughtful, you have a lifetime pass of never listening to Gary again.  I listened to him for only 41 minutes and I'm the poorer for it.

Edited October 8, 2020 by Xan

[Four is Enough]

sorry, @Xan, I thought of this..

 

Quote

 

 

[thoughtful]

@Xan, it is humbly to know y'all want to spare my ears and brain from listening to Bro Gary. You did a fine job.

Gary's going to do something in the past tense.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Gary was live this afternoon, from wherever the church is putting him up in South Carolina.

He mumbles quietly about their upcoming itinerary, then says they'll be online, but only for people who are too far away or sick, because "Facebook is not church. HAYMAYUN!!"

He knows this because it isn't in the King James Bible. Gary, about 99% of what you consider "church" was not in the King James Bible.

It's the end times, maybe, because nobody knows, but the signs are clear. "The wickedness is processin' more and more, but the Gospel's not."

Think he meant progressing?

Doorknocking still works."Any preacher that says that door-dock - door-knocking don't work, whachu need to do is, is get rid of him as a preacher" (fleeting pissy face).

He rambles about some guy they bothered in Maryland who didn't come to church, but he realized he was a sinner. And some people came on the bus. "And that was from the process  - that was the process of doorknocking."

Is Gary back to trying to learn new words from his dictionary? If so, I think I know what the newest word is.

Myrtle Beach ain't got a good Bible-preachin' church. Gary does his usual hint-gossip "Ah ain't gonna tell you who" about someone there who goes to a church, but it's a bad church.

He starts naming other towns nearby that don't have churches, sounding like Bubba talking about shrimp (well, if Bubba only knew three ways to cook shrimp): "Ya got Holden's Beach, ya got Ocean Isle Beach, ya got Casual Beach, uh . . . . all through there - beaches."

BTW, he says those towns are west of Myrtle Beach (nope), it's Holden, not Holden's (guess that's the "Walmarts" Syndrome striking again), and it's Caswell, not Casual.

But hey, the point is that North Carolina needs more churches.

He does his well-worn lecture about people needing to take a church and work a job, as well, like he used to do. Otherwise, people won't respect you.

So, Gary, are you some sort of of senior graduated-from-the-need-to-work emeritus now? You just turned 48, and you say you are full of energy from your diet and exercise.

It's bad enough you don't do a thing to earn your keep, but when you add these lectures to others, mocking them with your I'm-pretending-to-be-one-of-you-stupid-lazy-people voice, it blows me away. How do you sit down, with balls like that?

He says you can't "work a job" if you go to a foreign country, "becowse you are not of that nassinality - national - nat - " (he gets frustrated and holds his head) - "yeah, OK."

Spoiler

He knows some preachers who are just "settin' there, waitin' for a pasture to fall over 'n' croak." He demonstrates the moment of a pastor croaking:

Spoiler

Right out of the Actor's Studio, Gar. Stanislavski and Berghof would shit with pride.

Crop the picture to just his head, and I think we have a fine avatar for someone!

He grumbles on about people not wanting to be missionaries to America for another 10 minutes.

He's heard that preachers now need to go to other countries to raise support, then come back to evangelize America. He leans in to tell us, solemnly:

Spoiler

America needs Jesus.

Gary says dead people are not against abortion (who knew?), it's "these lahve people, people that are alahve, these people who are not - uh, oh, they ain't got all their noggin there - missin' a few flicks."

Spoiler

(he taps his head, and I want him to stop his crap and just sing "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!" But I guess he's not allowed to, since it uses the tune of There's a Tavern in the Town.)

Gary, are you aware that you seem to be saying that the people who are against abortion rights are the ones missing some brain?

I'm with you there, but don't think that's what you meant.

He tells us again about the man he inspired to go to Mexico to evangelize, and how he dreams of getting to Heaven and having people  thank him for inspiring them, so they ended up in Heaven, too.

In case you're wondering, he still hopes Trump will win, but it might be Pelosi (I love how he skips right over the actual candidates now). He lists some other politicians who need Jesus, including, of course, Como.

Hey, Gary, Como had Jesus - listen:

Spoiler

 

 

Edited October 9, 2020 by thoughtful
for clarity