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Bro. Gary Hawkins 15: Not Sweet Fellowshipping with JRod - Yet


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27 minutes ago, forgetmenow said:

That's what I thought might've happened, too.  What's hilarious to me is that even the "saved" ones are totally exploitation flix. ?

ETA:  @thoughtful, your speculation was spot on.  Wiki quote under spoiler:

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After making more exploitation films such as The Monster and the Stripper and 1966's The Girl from Tobacco Row, Ormond began making films about Christianity in the 1970s. He had crashed his single-engine airplane into a field near Nashville in 1966 while en route to a screening of The Girl from Tobacco Row, and he seems to have emerged from the accident--he spent months recovering from serious injuries--a Christian.[citation needed] Made with Mississippi evangelist Estus Pirkle, If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?, The Burning Hell and The Believer's Heaven address the second coming of Jesus Christ, communism and American conformism, with Pirkle's preaching the basis of the films. In 1979 he directed 39 Stripes, the tale of a former chain-gang member who converts to Christianity. He also directed 1976's The Grim Reaper produced by June Ormond, as well as Surrender at Navajo Canyon for Pete Rice, and a travelogue for John Rice. The Second Coming was next on the agenda, but Ormond died of cancer before production. The script was written by Tim Ormond, and produced by him and June Ormond. The film is dedicated to the memory of Ron Ormond and John Rice.

 

My feeling is that he just went from one kind of exploitation film to another.  Maybe his market was drying up and Pirkle helped him see that there was money to be made doing religious films.

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Gary is talking about how good Ernie's restaurant is at the beginning of last night's video, and gabs about going Godbothering, and how he invited "a black young lady" in IGA to come to  church.

He asks prayers, in his boorish way, for various people's needs. His mother had surgery, and will be able to do dialysis at home starting in November, and his father is going back to work, because the schools are opening.

Someone asks prayers because he hasn't felt right since he got his flu shot. Gary says he's never had a flu shot. Anybody surprised?

Gary says that he's with God no matter what happens with the election. "Ah may be locked up in jail, ah may be put in the uhuh electric chair, ah may even git hung, but ah'm still gonna preach Jesus."

So brave - so very, very brave. ?

He wants Pelosi to get saved, so she won't go to Hell, because it's an awful place.

Pray for the police - Caleb told him there were riots somewhere in Georgia - "that's nothin' new." Gary, I googled, in case I'd missed something - no riots in Georgia. Maybe Caleb was talking about the protests due to the Breonna Taylor grand jury decision, three weeks ago. Gary, it's not a "riot" just because non-white people are protesting.

While Becky was out passing out fliers today, an apartment complex caught on fahhhr. Gary greets a man who just came in, and teases him about being late. And then says they should pray for the people in the fire.

Flu shot guy says he feels awful right before meeting every night, but comes anyway. Gary goes on about some people with horrible illnesses who still come to church.

Only one person prays tonight, while Gary has his prayergasm.

They stumble through Glory to His Name, and The Sweet By and By

Gary says he's not preachin' yet, but he wants them to read with him in the Bible, because he's about to do that "thing that y'all don't lahk to do, amen," and proceeds to read 2 Corinthians 9:6-7:

6 But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.

7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.

He asks "Do you believe the Bahble?" and does some pissy guilt-mongering about how he and his family support missionaries. And not only that: "Ah got a preacher friend of mahn, Brother Bobby Brindle, somebody you kin pray for, he had a stroke some tahm ago, and hopefully tomorrow he'll come home. But he's still got a long ways to go, after havin' a stroke, he's a midget, and he's havin' a hard tahm gittin' ever'thing, but they have a need, and ah sent 'em some money."

Speak of the devil (you should pardon the expression) - Bobby Brindle was in one of the Ormond films!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0273250/?ref_=nm_knf_t1

He's another evangelist with no particular church, it seems - here's how he bills himself:

Spoiler

image.png.6b087d99920cf86aa646e79d0bba4fbe.png

Gary tells us about two other families he sent money to, and he doesn't have a whole lot of money. He's not braggin' on Gary, though - it all comes from God.

If you don't give, "God ain't gonna give you nuthin' HAYMEN! Good preachin' if ah am doin' it, amen?"

Resentfully, he tells them that, if they want to make a check out to the church instead of giving to him, "God'll give it to me triple next tahm, that's just how mah God does me."

"Give Gawwwd a try. GIVE HIM A TRAH! Ya say 'how'll it work out?' Well, if He don't give it back to ya, then He's a liar. And mah God has never lahd."

"Jacob, now that ah made ever'body mad, come take up an offerin'."

Somebody testifies about giving money to someone (the same employee at Bojangles, repeatedly, for no apparent reason that I can discern).

The Hawkinses sing I Can't Quit and My Lord is Taking Good Care of Me, horribly.

Before preaching, Gary lets us know that he'd likes KFC chicken and slaw, but Bojangles' dirty rice - he get two orders of that, but they always cut you short on the second order.

Aren't you glad you know that now?

He reads (sort of): https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A17-20&version=KJV

He wants to preach on What Jesus Didn't Do.

John 3:17 -For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

Gary roars about this for a while - Jesus wasn't sent to condemn you, so if you go to Hell, it's your own fault.

This man can put a negative spin on anything, can't he?

He screams incoherently about "that Bearn woman whatever her name is," (based on context, I realize he is talking about Amy Coney Barret) who is getting ridiculed over her religion, but she's still better than anybody else there, but, if she believes what them Catholics believe, she's going to burn in Hell because she condemned herself.

I think Gary just gave himself whiplash.

Gary does say something good, believe it or not. He says saved people should not condemn someone for having tattoos, or earrings (or nose rings, or mouth rings, etc. - he doesn't get to any of the naughty bits), because they're just following The World, and they can still be saved. Of course, he still manages to sound enraged and obnoxious, but, for the moment, he's a bit more forgiving than Lori and JillRod.

Matthew 26:39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

"Now ah wanna say somethin' to ya - if you lahk bein' beaten upon, spitten upon, made fun of, listen hey just let us fahnd out and we'll start gitten some belts and whuppin' on ya, amen, beatin' on ya, ah was kinda _____ (unintelligible) there was gonna be a fight before church ever got started a little bit ago, that's whatcha good good frenemies or enemies, amen?"

Yes, that's what he says immediately after reading that verse. :wtf:Then he says Jesus didn't come to do his own will, but God's.

Gary, if you were trying to make a point about Jesus doing God's will even though He was in pain, and how we should do the same, I think you failed.

He gets right back to describing how badly beaten Jesus was, with his usual relish, then onto a long screaming, bellowing rant about saving people, smartphones making us look down, everything he sees on Facebook, people who never grow up in their faith.

Matthew 8:20 And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

Jesus didn't come "uh for umterial things." I figured out later that this was supposed to be "material things."

Gary has family members who think he's crazy and wrong for not having a house for his family. "Wha in the world would ah want to have a house for mah family, when ah'm gone more than ah'm home?"

Gary, I think you missed part of why they think you're crazy and wrong.

His mike goes off (not that he needs it), and one of the boys (I think it's Jacob) comes up and is working on fixing it, while Gary flails and bellows.

image.png.3e3b192fc45efe3f4162846b335685a9.png

He screams so loudly, for so long, that he wears himself out, and ends up panting. He whines about people being to too quiet, and how, if you talk about "their money and their pocketbook, they get mad, and they get upset  . . . that's your problem."

He does his "stupid voice" imitation of people complaining about how he only wants money, then says "evidently, you want it too, 'cause ya beg for it AMEN! If ya didn't want it, ya wouldn't pray for it."

Someone lets out a very weird shrieking laugh at this.

Luke 5:32 I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Gary says that people aren't getting saved because God has to hang out with "little baeeebies." No, he doesn't mean actual babies - he means Christians he considers crybabies. He puts on a whiny, pouty voice to imitate people who say they can't do anything for their church, and have to be thanked for everything, and cites the preacher who used to say he wanted to give his church members pacifiers.

He does his spiel about how embarrassed you will be at judgment day, because everyone will hear about your sins.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+4%3A14-18&version=KJV

Jesus didn't come to sugar-coat.

Gary sings the praises of hard preachin' and mean old-time preachers. He says it's gotten real quiet because he's preachin' on sin.

I have no idea why he is so pissy abut it being quiet - there have been people yelling back at him, in assent, the whole time.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+13%3A5&version=KJV

God has never forsaken Gary.

Gary got his ladder for free because of God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A18&version=KJV

Peter was not the first Pope. But you knew that.

Jesus hasn't lost the church.

"If the Democrats get in, just go ahead and lock your doors, 'cause they gonna come and help ya out. They're gonna be after your religion Bahden's done said it, Harrison's done said it, Pelosi's done 'n' said it. Amen. And amana let ya know somethin' they didn't just say it, they mean it."

Hey, Gary:

Spoiler

image.png.ff9e9c28b15332ec6a7fd782964b68bf.png

He winds down, calls Becky to the piano, and continues to whine that if they have a problem with him, they need to take it up with God, because he's just telling them what God told him to preach.

And he's rubber and you're glue, neener neener, and your mother wears Army boots.

Well, OK, he doesn't say that, but that's sure his attitude.

Gary, you are the worst crybaby of all.

Edited by thoughtful
I checked three times, and yet the riffle hid from me
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So if people give to the church instead of Gary, and next time God will give Gary triple, I have a couple of questions:

1) Wouldn’t it then be a good thing if they stiffed him this time, since he’d wind up ahead next time?

2) OTOH, how exactly would that work? If these folks give to the church instead, and the next folks give to the church instead, and the folks after them do the same…maybe Gary’s just expecting a HUGE payout at the rapture? 

Edited by Jasmar
Riffle
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I watched the first few minutes of the video and was very excited to see this:

2112897246_Screenshot(1848).thumb.png.0e4f11ad87fbf0b220fe5ad56d5e330e.png

I thought he might be easier to listen to if I couldn't see him.  Alas, I was wrong.  He's just as awful if you only listen.

I'm not sure where he got his "hard preaching = good preaching" idea.  What he seems to want to do is insult everybody and tell them they're all going to Hell.  Nobody does enough (but Gary).  Nobody gives enough (but Gary).  Nobody but Gary takes soul-winning seriously.  Here he is trying to lose weight for God and devoting all his time to thinking up good preaching topics and trying to save the country from communism, singlehandedly.  It reminds me of the scene from "Dick Tracy" where Al Pacino yells that he needs generals and all he's got is "foot soldiers".  Al turned over a table.  One of these nights, Gar will upend the podium... or maybe just toss a water bottle.

Why does he wrap his Bible in a towel?  Has this been discussed before and I missed it?

Edited by Xan
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Thursday evening under the tent, and, as Xan showed us, behind the post. But Gary rarely stands still, so that doesn't last long.

After rambling on about the plan to take the tent down the next day (Gary says he is capable of doing it himself, but would rather not). The man Gary asks to pray is brief, so Gary doesn't get to moan much.

They all sing Near the Cross and Victory in Jesus.

"We are seein' a faymun of the word o' God," and riots, etc. because the end times are near.

While asking for prayers, he makes a crack about someone who, he is told, is feeling better, and tested negative for Covid-19: "Ain't that a shame, they ain't got no number to put up there."

Someone asks prayers for a woman who tried to commit suicide, and I brace myself for Gary to be inappropriate, but, luckily, all he does is change the subject pretty quickly after agreeing that they should pray for her.

Gary says that, when he does his Walk Away the Pounds online, he sees ads, and right now, since he is in South Carolina, he's seeing political ads from their state. He says he doesn't know too much about Lindsay Graham, but "he sounds pretty good."

He wants them to pray North Carolina gets rid of Cooper, who is almost as bad as "Como" up in New York ("ah just call him Dumbo"), Bahden ain't gonna be the president, but he's going to put "Como" in the White House.

I guess that's right before he and Harris step down so Nancy Pelosi can be president. :confusion-shrug:

Gary doesn't like livin' in Socialism, but he took the first stimulus check, and he'll take another if there is one.

Gary asks another man to pray (did he forget he already did that, or does he just want more chance to moan?). More testimonies, Gary almost forgets to take up an offering, but he says Becky reminded him. He seal-claps at random while Becky and Caleb play for the offering.

The Hawkinses stumble through It's About the Cross, and Promises.

Gary gets up to preach, but first he has to explain that he left where they are staying, which is pretty far away, and forgot to bring a tie, so he has to wear "this boeloe tah." He doesn't explain where he got the bolo tie.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+16%3A13-16&version=KJV

Who do you say Jesus is?

Gary roars about who Jesus is - we've heard this one before. Lots of verses, lots of screaming.

When he reads from Lazarus, we get some interesting added sound: "he crahd with a loud voice: SssssssssssssLazaruth, come forward."

He brings back his gory description of the people crawling on their hands and knees to the statue of Mary in Mexico (he refers to them as "Spanish people.").

Trying to read Isaiah 9:6, Gary says: "unto us a chahld is borned, unto us a son is given: the governor shall be upon his shoulders."

Which governor, Gary? Cuomo? Cooper? Is this a piggy-back ride? Is he kidnapping Whitmer? Doing a corona-spreading victory lap carrying your beloved Noem?

You can't lose your salvation, because "mah Father's not a Indian-giver."

He tries to say what he usually does about people who disagree with him, and it comes out backwards, twice: "You have the wrong to be right." He finally turns it around.

Gary says that, in the next place they are setting up the tent, they are going to make him put up exit signs. They all think that's ridiculous.

He mentions that Caleb, who has been driving them back and forth from where they are staying, ends his chauffeur duties tomorrow, since they need to use Gary's truck, "and he don't know how to drive a straight stick you pray for him he quit bein' a sissy HAYMUN!"

Gary says that Becky, being a nurse, tell stories that he doesn't want to hear because "ah don't lahk blood." Well, except for Jesus' blood, of course.

Gary, you are dishonest - you are the king of gore. And very, very loud.

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10 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Trying to read Isaiah 9:6, Gary says: "unto us a chahld is borned, unto us a son is given: the governor shall be upon his shoulders."

I am laughing out loud and simultaneously trying not to get Handel's "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" stuck in my head. Not very successfully. 

Spoiler

For unto us a Child is born-ed,
Unto us a Son is given,
For unto us a Child is born-ed,
Unto us a Son is given,
For unto us a Child is born-ed,
Unto us a Son is given,
And the Governor shall be upon His shoulders;
And his name shall be called McMaster! Roy Cooper!,
Mr Brian Kemp,
That moron Ron DeSantis,
The King of Covid.

Lovely video with one singer having the oddest mouth movements I think I've seen in a top level choir in spoiler:

Spoiler

 

 

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On 10/16/2020 at 3:01 PM, thoughtful said:

Now ah wanna say somethin' to ya - if you lahk bein' beaten upon, spitten upon, made fun of, listen hey just let us fahnd out and we'll start gitten some belts and whuppin' on ya, amen, beatin' on ya, ah was kinda _____ (unintelligible) there was gonna be a fight before church ever got started a little bit ago, that's whatcha good good frenemies or enemies, amen?"

Gary likes violence, and more to the point I suspect enjoys inflicting pain. Which if he's in a consensual relationship where that is their thing, with safewords and everyone being an adult then fine. I suspect that this is/was not always the case though.

On 10/16/2020 at 3:01 PM, thoughtful said:

While Becky was out passing out fliers today, an apartment complex caught on fahhhr.

Um Becky... something you want to tell us about?

On 10/16/2020 at 3:01 PM, thoughtful said:

The Hawkinses sing I Can't Quit and My Lord is Taking Good Care of Me, horribly.

I misread that as one song title initially - kind of like God taking care of a heroin addict.

On 10/16/2020 at 3:01 PM, thoughtful said:

Jesus hasn't lost the church.

Bro Gary's churches on the other hand appear to have lost Jesus.

13 hours ago, Jasmar said:

Wouldn’t it then be a good thing if they stiffed him this time, since he’d wind up ahead next time?

I certainly think it would be worth a try!

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9 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I am laughing out loud and simultaneously trying not to get Handel's "For Unto Us A Child Is Born" stuck in my head. Not very successfully. 

What, you bothered to fight it? As someone who may have the worst case of Everything's a Song Cue Syndrome in the history of the world, and a long-time choral singer and conductor, I just let it flow over me (like Gary, with the blood!).

From now on, though, I will probably always mentally hear it with "governor" instead of "government."

9 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Um Becky... something you want to tell us about?

Really - the way Gary just casually threw that in, I was wondering, as well. Those tracts would make great tinder.

Gary's weird way of going on for long minutes of repetition of some things he's said a thousand times, but dropping half-stories like that into the middle of whatever he's saying, is part of what horrifies/amuses me about the way he talks.

Gary, how about some details - did this happen while you were Godbothering? Did everyone get out OK? Were church members in that building? Did any of you call 911? Were you standing at a safe distance watching, or did you all shrug and walk away, or did it happen after you all were long gone and you just heard about it? Was it a bad fire, or a minor one? Are you asking prayers because someone was hurt, died, and/or lost their possessions?

Nothing - all we know is that a building where Becky was soulwinning caught on fire at some point.

Gary, I know you don't really care about the people, but maybe appealing to your selfish needs will make a dent. You missed a chance to add to the gory fire stories you employ to tell us what Hell will be like. You've got Becky's gas-well uncle, another I can't remember at the moment, and you've recently added the child who was burned by cooking grease, after Becky posted about the GoFundMe for her (yeah, Gary will exploit anything - but you knew that).

Never miss a chance for a new gory story, Gary.

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OK, folks - last night under the tent.

Gary asks Brother Fox to pray, and gets in some moans. They all sing Power in the Blood and Farther Along. The latter is the Poor Persecuted Us song par excellence - if you'd like to check out the lyrics at the link, don't hurt yourself rolling your eyes.

Caleb and Becky always seem completely incapable of finding a tempo or meter together - the introduction to every song, all week, has been a mess of vague, tentative chords. As awful as the singing usually sounds, it's a relief when it starts, because at least things progress from there.

Last night, Gary promised there would be something special tonight. I can't wait to find out what it is!

Prayers - Brother Ernie's BIL (and cook at the restaurant) passed away suddenly, and some others need prayer, as well.

You can disagree with Gary, because everybody has the right to be wrong (hey, he got it on the first try this time!), but pray that Donald Trump gets back in the office, so we don't continue living in socialism. Gary's lived in socialism for seven months now and he doesn't like it. "You say 'how you know  you've lived in socialism?' Well, you couldn't go nowhere, you couldn't do nothin', you got a check just settin' at home AMEN! Good preachin' if ah am doin' it amen."

"And then, last naht, here in church, ah guess it was, they found out Bahden's son, Hunter?  - was textin' becowse he's the only one supposed to be makin' money 'n' ever'thin', and it was a - matter of fact, whatever it was he done was supposed to be worse than what Hillary done, and what she done was pretty bad, amen?"

I promise you, that is word-for-word.

Someone calls out that you shouldn't bring politics into church, and Gary says his Bahble says he should, and "if you don't vote, well, you hate America is all ah can say. It's your bidness, but you need to move to another country. AMEN!"

But it's not the politicians' fault, it's the Christians' fault. However, he is judging Pelosi's fruits, and she's goin' to Hell if she doesn't get borned again. etc. "But do pray for our country, a'least  - what is it?"

Becky has looked up from the piano to say something. Gary drones "Yeah, pray for mah wafh, she's gonna be havin' some different, havin' some things goin' on, havin' some surgery, 'n' ever'thing, pray that it all goes well, pray that it all git done on tahm, and pray for me, becowse, uh, if all goes lahk it supposed to go, ah'm gon' havta drive to Ohio bah mahself and ah don't usually go bah mahself, amen, ah git nervous 'n' skeered 'n' all the rest of the stuff, amen? Ah don't even know what ah'm s'posed to do if mah wahf isn't there to tell me to do it, ah don't know what ah'm gonna do."

We are 14 minutes in to the service, and Gary is just now asking prayers for his wife's surgery, had to be reminded to do so, and seems mostly concerned about his needs. And, until he got to the part about himself, he sounded a lot less interested than he did in Hunter Biden and Nancy Pelosi.

A classic Gary moment.

He goes right into asking them to pray for his upcoming meetings.

Caleb gets up and whispers in Gary's ear. Again, grudgingly, Gary asks them to pray for his travels back to North Carolina.

That Gary, what a family man!

He asks Ernie to get up and pray, and gets in some more moaning. He precedes the offering with the usual crap about everybody hating it.

Miss Marge sings There Is Something About That Name, and Jacob (I assume) turns the camera around to see her. Throughout the meetings, I've been hearing occasional traffic noises so loud that I wasn't sure if they were cars or motorcyles. Now I can see them go by - looks like modified cars with "neon" LEDs, as well as loud engines.

Spoiler

   image.png.795cbf688354521ca18df99cfab3e6cc.png

After the song, apropos of nothing (so what else is new?), Gary says, referring to Jesus, "And ah don't know if any of ya wanna thank Him for whatever happened there a whahl ago, y'know some people just don't know, 'n' they're blahnded bah the news, is what they're blahnded bah, amen? And, uh, so, uh, just hafta pray for 'im" (he knocks on the podium twice - Gary, are you knocking wood? Jesus does not approve!) "somewhat, some people don't believe that, ah've had people tell me not to come back to the pulpit 'n' ah say that's fahn we'll be all right with it, but uh."

:confusion-shrug:

If emojis got paid, I would owe little shrugging smiley a lot of money.

Becky and Jacob stumble through In My Father's Eyes, then Becky does the "could you not pray for only an hour" one that I can never find anywhere.

The big surprise is that Gary's going to let Caleb preach for 10-15 minutes.

Caleb fumbles around for a bit about how he decided what to preach (God finally told him - are you surprised?). Small mercies - Caleb knows to say "verse," not "verses" when he means one verse. He reads Numbers 14:24:

KJV: But my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it.
Brother Caleb Version: But my servant Caleb, because he has another spirit, and has followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed  - and his seed shall possess it.

Caleb wants to preach to you tonight on "Why I Can't Quit."

Caleb is a chip off the old block. In fragmented sentences, circling back and repeating himself, shouting and screaming, he seems to be telling us that he will be quick, and he can't quit because people are watching him, and God gave him another spirit. He's against Halloween, everyone should come to church in person, and he also says "reptobate."

Caleb tells his own story of being saved, on September the 18th, 2017. And he makes sure we know, that if we got offended tonight, we need to go take it up with God.

Gary's turn - he rattles off his favorite verse, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+13%3A5&version=KJV

But, at the end, he says "except ye be re - except ye be - revoked - rebuked."

Now I know he has it memorized, and he is reading it, but he usually still says "reptobate," even when looking right at it. Has someone pointed out to him that he has never said "reprobate" correctly? Is he now imagining it is some completely different word?

Spoiler

 

The rest is all old shit, including reminding us of the date he was saved three times, and death, dying, more death, etc.

Gary, you are a morbid thing.

 

Edited by thoughtful
get thee behind me, riffle
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50 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

OK, folks - last night under the tent.

Gary asks Brother Fox to pray, and gets in some moans. They all sing Power in the Blood and Farther Along. The latter is the Poor Persecuted Us song par excellence - if you'd like to check out the lyrics at the link, don't hurt yourself rolling your eyes.

Caleb and Becky always seem completely incapable of finding a tempo or meter together - the introduction to every song, all week, has been a mess of vague, tentative chords. As awful as the singing usually sounds, it's a relief when it starts, because at least things progress from there.

Last night, Gary promised there would be something special tonight. I can't wait to find out what it is!

Prayers - Brother Ernie's BIL (and cook at the restaurant) passed away suddenly, and some others need prayer, as well.

You can disagree with Gary, because everybody has the right to be wrong (hey, he got it on the first try this time!), but pray that Donald Trump gets back in the office, so we don't continue living in socialism. Gary's lived in socialism for seven months now and he doesn't like it. "You say 'how you know  you've lived in socialism?' Well, you couldn't go nowhere, you couldn't do nothin', you got a check just settin' at home AMEN! Good preachin' if ah am doin' it amen."

"And then, last naht, here in church, ah guess it was, they found out Bahden's son, Hunter?  - was textin' becowse he's the only one supposed to be makin' money 'n' ever'thin', and it was a - matter of fact, whatever it was he done was supposed to be worse than what Hillary done, and what she done was pretty bad, amen?"

I promise you, that is word-for-word.

Someone calls out that you shouldn't bring politics into church, and Gary says his Bahble says he should, and "if you don't vote, well, you hate America is all ah can say. It's your bidness, but you need to move to another country. AMEN!"

But it's not the politicians' fault, it's the Christians' fault. However, he is judging Pelosi's fruits, and she's goin' to Hell if she doesn't get borned again. etc. "But do pray for our country, a'least  - what is it?"

Becky has looked up from the piano to say something. Gary drones "Yeah, pray for mah wafh, she's gonna be havin' some different, havin' some things goin' on, havin' some surgery, 'n' ever'thing, pray that it all goes well, pray that it all git done on tahm, and pray for me, becowse, uh, if all goes lahk it supposed to go, ah'm gon' havta drive to Ohio bah mahself and ah don't usually go bah mahself, amen, ah git nervous 'n' skeered 'n' all the rest of the stuff, amen? Ah don't even know what ah'm s'posed to do if mah wahf isn't there to tell me to do it, ah don't know what ah'm gonna do."

We are 14 minutes in to the service, and Gary is just now asking prayers for his wife's surgery, had to be reminded to do so, and seems mostly concerned about his needs. And, until he got to the part about himself, he sounded a lot less interested than he did in Hunter Biden and Nancy Pelosi.

A classic Gary moment.

..........................

Miss Marge sings There Is Something About That Name, and Jacob (I assume) turns the camera around to see her. Throughout the meetings, I've been hearing occasional traffic noises so loud that I wasn't sure if they were cars or motorcyles. Now I can see them go by - looks like modified cars with "neon" LEDs, as well as loud engines.

After the song, apropos of nothing (so what else is new?), Gary says, referring to Jesus, "And ah don't know if any of ya wanna thank Him for whatever happened there a whahl ago, y'know some people just don't know, 'n' they're blahnded bah the news, is what they're blahnded bah, amen? And, uh, so, uh, just hafta pray for 'im" (he knocks on the podium twice - Gary, are you knocking wood? Jesus does not approve!) "somewhat, some people don't believe that, ah've had people tell me not to come back to the pulpit 'n' ah say that's fahn we'll be all right with it, but uh."

:confusion-shrug:

If emojis got paid, I would owe little shrugging smiley a lot of money.

Becky and Jacob stumble through In My Father's Eyes, then Becky does the "could you not pray for only an hour" one that I can never find anywhere.

The big surprise is that Gary's going to let Caleb preach for 10-15 minutes.

Caleb fumbles around for a bit about how he decided what to preach (God finally told him - are you surprised?). Small mercies - Caleb knows to say "verse," not "verses" when he means one verse. He reads Numbers 14:24:

 Lord have mercy...  We don't need a third generation of ignorant Hawkins men yakking for money.  Isn't it time the family had someone that actually worked for a living?  Gary, that wasn't a special surprise.  That was just you trying to get someone else to preach for you.  Also, he doesn't want to have to help Caleb monetarily anymore.  Caleb can do his own preaching/begging.

I tried to listen to a few minutes.  I think the moment after Miss Marge singing was about the guy complaining about politics in the sermon.  I get the feeling that he left.  Good for him.

And what kind of surgery is Becky having, Gar?  He doesn't say because he's mad that she's going to be unable to accompany him to keep him from getting nervous on his next trip.  Selfish pig.

You were absolutely right about the music, @thoughtful.  It's dreadful.  They just don't get any better.  I've finally figured out that Becky does cheater chords instead of playing a melody.   That might be okay if the singing was decent.  It isn't.  And her solo?  Oh my.

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4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Someone calls out that you shouldn't bring politics into church, and Gary says his Bahble says he should,

Finally pushback! I hope it influenced their love offerings.

3 hours ago, Xan said:

I think the moment after Miss Marge singing was about the guy complaining about politics in the sermon.  I get the feeling that he left.  Good for him.

About time someone did. Surprised more people, particularly with kids, don't.

Gary's prayer requests are classic Gary. Pray for this guy I know from church, me, me, me, maybe Becky, me, me  me, Caleb perhaps, me. Oh and me.

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

What, you bothered to fight it?

I have earworms that stick for weeks. So yeah, usually I do try to avoid them getting totally stuck. 

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

they're blahnded bah the news,

This one is yet another lost cause. Heh. 

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

ah've had people tell me not to come back to the pulpit '

Ah, fundie speak for 'sit down and shut up you ignorant fool'.  I really hope the pastor's wife from a couple of months ago was one of them.

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Gary's in a snit again over Halloween, which he calls "hellween".

391272330_Screenshot(1852).png.9839a4daee371c26c8b2d328521a57f1.png

I don't suppose he understands that Halloween started out as All Saints' Eve or All Hallows' Eve where they remembered the dead saints and martyrs.  His ignorance continues to offend me.

Notice that he really wants any money now spent on candy and costumes (or "hellween" tracts?) to go to missionaries and the mission field.  I'm sure he considers himself to be in the mission field.  Gary is doing what he does best -- looking after Gary's interests.  It helps to be constantly offended by anything that has to do with popular culture.

And for the love of God, learn to spell "dying", Gar.

I think "I'm harpy on hellween" would make a good cross stitch piece.

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6 hours ago, Xan said:

I think the moment after Miss Marge singing was about the guy complaining about politics in the sermon.  I get the feeling that he left.

Ah, I hadn't thought of that. Sounds likely.

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I have earworms that stick for weeks. So yeah, usually I do try to avoid them getting totally stuck. 

I always have something rolling around in there, but can change to a new tune at will - occupational advantage, I guess.

1 hour ago, Xan said:

I don't suppose he understands that Halloween started out as All Saints' Eve or All Hallows' Eve where they remembered the dead saints and martyrs.

He may, but that's Catholic, so just as offensive to him.

1 hour ago, Xan said:

I think "I'm harpy on hellween" would make a good cross stitch piece.

I agree. But one would need to explain it, lest guests think you meant to stitch "I'm a harpy on Halloween."

Gary was live from the moving truck today. He had to leave where he was because Caleb had a flat tire on the way home (guess he got some reluctant prayers). Gary is hoping he will save some guy who helped him.

He babbles about his week in Loris, and some guy who gave him advice on folding the tent. And his new ladder gets a shout-out; it can turn into "scaffling," and, although Gary got it used, it originally came from "Costico." He "just mentioned it" at the church, and a man came up to him after church and gave him "a piece of money" that was more than he payed for the ladder, so he went and bought some lights.

And it all came from the Lord. It's not Gary, it's God.

God also made sure it didn't rain on Friday. Gary was concerned, even though he trusts God. Some of ya say you trust God in everything, but "take yer halo off, ya ain't as good as ya think you are."

While Gary is lecturing us about going to church and gathering together despite Covid-19, he gets notice that Caleb is trying to call him, and has to stop.

 

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2 hours ago, Xan said:

Notice that he really wants any money now spent on candy and costumes (or "hellween" tracts?) to go to missionaries and the mission field.  I'm sure he considers himself to be in the mission field. 

Oh he totally does. He's a preacher, not a pastor, influencing people by boring them senseless telling them the Good News of Gary's salvation how they won't will burn in hell. Gary is very much the no care, no responsibility model of missionarying - constantly talking to people who already follow his particular brand of bizarre Christianity,  asking them for money to talk to even more converted people. I find it bizarre that anyone supports him at all - at least JRod can claim a printing ministry (albeit one with minimal output or results). 

I am trying to imagine "hellween" now - black gravy?

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27 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

While Gary is lecturing us about going to church and gathering together despite Covid-19

Is anyone else wondering what Eddie's BIL died from?

9 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Becky posted:

Well, Becky, you have some pretty stupid Facebook friends, then.

 

Echo chambers are... echoing.

So I got curious and did that. 

Trump: 9. All of them are very into Q-anon. I can't say I'm surprised. All bar one Australian.

Biden: 4. All American, from blue states.

Barak Obama: 37. The 4 from above, plus a couple of other US friends, rest Australian.

Jacinda Arden:  22. All female, all Australian

Daniel Andrews (current Victorian state Premier): 143.

Mr Squiggle (puppet that was on kids TV): 8. Heh.

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On 10/15/2020 at 9:01 PM, thoughtful said:

"If the Democrats get in, just go ahead and lock your doors, 'cause they gonna come and help ya out. They're gonna be after your religion Bahden's done said it, Harrison's done said it, Pelosi's done 'n' said it. Amen. And amana let ya know somethin' they didn't just say it, they mean it."

Gary, Gary, Gary. It's a sin to tell a lie. Haven't you learned anything from reading your KJB all these years?

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I did the Trump page/Biden page, and got 3 friends on each. One friend, I was surprised to see on one of the pages, since she posts so much anti-that-guy on her own page.

 

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Biden: 5

Trump: 0

Conclusion: I have successfully blocked all the Trump fans I know, and my friends and I pretty much just use FB for keeping in touch with each other, not for a news source or slavering over celebrities.

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5 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

I did the Trump page/Biden page, and got 3 friends on each. One friend, I was surprised to see on one of the pages, since she posts so much anti-that-guy on her own page.

I have a couple of FB friends that I essentially use as canaries for what the trends are in certain groups. Also I've occasionally liked something that someone posted and then found myself signed up to a page that I had no idea about.

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Gary preached Sunday school this morning, at Lynn Hill Baptist Church in Whiteville NC.

He's in a quiet mood, and says he probably won't get to yelling this morning. He also doesn't seem to be the least bit interested in, y'know, Sunday school, reading from the Bible, etc.

He talks about how few churches there are in the area. And, for once, he names the church in Myrtle Beach that he always disses but never names - it's Friendship Baptist Church.

Gary, you gossip, you!

He rambles on about not enough churches, and how he wants people to use him and his tent to help with church planting.

Gary doesn't go to NYC, "ah go to the upstate New York, ah go to where Trump's welcome AMEN!"

Gary's ex-boss-man committed suicide (he gives us no clue when this happened). Gary says that, the last time he saw him, he tried to talk to him about the Lord."

Insert your own joke here.

"Ah don't make light of the pandamic, there's been some people that have dahd from it, but there's been less people dahd from the pandamic than they have from the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

Wait, what? :562479351e8d1_wtf(2):

Gary, there's this system that we use, called "language." You string sounds together so that they express a thought, one that makes sense and that is actually what you are thinking. That way, people understand. . . oh, never mind.

Today's version of the RBG in hell meme says she was asking if she'd ever "see any of the babies that ah keeled."

Pelosi needs to be thrown out of the White House, she'll split Hell wide open if she doesn't get saved, horrible deaths of martyrs, people are dying (he tries to do the "six people die every second" bit, and screws it up), etc.

He talks about the guy in Maryland that gave him the "finding God" thing he posted on Facebook, and says "he was in the Marines, ah think - he was in some rank of the Army, ah know that much."

Ah, Gary, the all-American patriot, who knows fuck-all about the armed forces.

About their pastor he says "As long as he's being Biblically, 'n' ah mean King James, amen - foller 'im."

He wants them to pray for a pasture he knows in New York: "Henry - how you say his last name?"
Becky: "Pritchett."
"Yeah, that name. He pastures a church, and they've already scheduled him, this week, to be out of town, on his mid-week service."

Long silent pissy face while I wonder what the hell he is talking about.

Spoiler

image.png.06a8099fd0ade5a7d2f17efbdd834009.png

"Now ah'm gon' let you know somethin' - that ain't a company that likes his employees to take him out of church, amen."

Oh, I get it - Henry also "works a job," as Gary says, and his employer needs to send him out of town during a time that includes the midweek service night.

"Ah got a little more guts than Henry has, ah'd just walk off the job, 'n' say 'God, you're gonna have to gimme another job'."

Gary, that's not "guts," that's some fucking nerve. Henry seems to understand that he actually needs to support his family.

Gary asks if the water bottle on the lectern is his, and there is some conversation about the top being loosened. Becky says she has all three bottles she walked in with, a man's voice says that bottle is Gary's. Gary says "If ah dah, y'all know wha ah dahd." He takes a swig, then growls "He dahd of the Corona."

Gary, you're a laugh riot.

"If you can go to Walmarts and you can go to the restaurants - restrooms - restaurants . . . - amen -  then you can go to church."

Gary tells them that, when he leaves there, he'll be doing a video from his truck. "You say 'you gonna drahve and do a video?' Oh, yeah, ah just, ah'm just good lahk that, amen." Long pause. "Until ah see the cop, then ah just cover it up with a blanket amen."

Gary prays.

And yes, there was nothing from the Bible in this entire babbling mess. Gary says people need the Gospel, then doesn't bother with it.

Gary, you are not being Biblically. I hope nobody follers you.

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36 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary, there's this system that we use, called "language." You string sounds together so that they express a thought, one that makes sense and that is actually what you are thinking. That way, people understand. . . oh, never mind.

 

That.  Was.  Hilarious!

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So let me try to unravel the thing with Pastor Henry Pritchett. 

Henry has a church at which he is the pastor. Gary would like someone to give him a church, where he, Gary, will be the pastor. 

Pastor Henry also works a second job. Pastor Henry will be out-of-town this week for his other job.  Gary thinks the pastor should stay and tend his congregation.

Okay, but I also get the sense Gary is upset, that Pastor Henry didn't ask Gary to cover for him. 

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Main Sunday Service at Lynn Hill Baptist.

The pastor (I guess) is speaking - he can't wait to get to Heaven, and he was saved on July 22, 1983, and doesn't regret it. He sings When My Life Work is Done, which reassures us that he will know Jesus when he sees Him, by the print of the nails in his hands.

They all sing He Keeps Me Singing, then a man is asked to say a prayer. We can't see him, but if I didn't know that Cliff Nazarro had died in 1961, I would swear it was him. Who was Cliff Nazarro, you ask? Here you go:

Spoiler

 

The Hawkinses sing Jesus Passed By and Standing on the Rock of Ages. Gary says Becky's going to do one by herself, because she likes to be alone once in a while. She says "You just don't like to practice that many of the songs." Of course she says it with a smile. She sings No One Else. There are a few notes at the beginning that make me think that, if Becky would sing in a higher key and not push everything through her nose, she could sound a lot better.

Gary reads the story of "Lazaruth" being raised.

He says he wants to preach on What If the Lord Don't Come, Where Will You Be?

Whoa, for Gary, this sounds really radical.

Oh, he assures us that the Lord is coming, these seem like the End Times, etc.

Oh, well.

He says they sing lots of things, then don't follow up on the lyrics. "Yeah, ah'm a little bit on the mean sahd, that's what mah wahf made me that way."
Becky (quietly): "He was mean before he met me."

The rest is mostly the usual Gary shit, most of it at top volume. Some unique moments:

Gary claims he told the guy who told him he shouldn't mention politicians in church "Sit down and shut up - it's mah tent."

I don't know if he thinks he's making himself sound more brave and Godly by lying, but it makes him sound like even more of a rude asshole than he actually was!

Somebody "came to Gary's Facebook" and tried to "change me from bein' what ah am to something stupid! Hey, ah have never woke up and been that stupid that ah'd be a Democrat. HAYMUN!"

While telling us that he leaves tracts in doctors' offices, Gary tell us two things: he hasn't seen his doctor in a very long time ("as long as he'll keep givin' mah pills, ah'll just keep goin' on, amen), and he used diet pills for the first two months of his diet. Now he has self-control, so he doesn't need them.

Gary reads various verses of the Bible during all of this. The last one he reads is https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+14%3A18-20&version=KJV

I have never heard him read this one before! I'm sure he did something totally original with it!

But we will never know, because the video cuts off there.

It was about people making excuses not to be somewhere. Hmmmmm . . . I wonder how Gary would use that verse . . .

?

 

49 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

So let me try to unravel the thing with Pastor Henry Pritchett. 

Henry has a church at which he is the pastor. Gary would like someone to give him a church, where he, Gary, will be the pastor. 

Pastor Henry also works a second job. Pastor Henry will be out-of-town this week for his other job.  Gary thinks the pastor should stay and tend his congregation.

Okay, but I also get the sense Gary is upset, that Pastor Henry didn't ask Gary to cover for him. 

The latter may be correct, although I doubt Gary wants to drive all the way back to NY for one evening.

The bolded is definitely not the case - Gary absolutely does not want a church of his own. That would mean he would have to get to know people, care about them, sit by their sickbeds, face up to them the following week if he'd insulted them (well, he might like that), and, worst of all, come up with something new to say beyond the 4-5 messages (that don't vary much as it is) that he has.

He needs to move, to travel, to hit and run with Jesus. He needs to get on Facebook and give young preachers guilt about not church-planting while "working a job" and raising a family and giving Gary the chance to set up his tent near their new church and rant, scream, collect money, and be Internet famous. He needs to swagger around without a mask and say nasty things about Democrats.

That's his faith.

 

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