Bro. Gary Hawkins 15: Not Sweet Fellowshipping with JRod - Yet

[thoughtful]

Keith and Jimbo try to talk sense into the petulant, infantile dick who knows he's right. Keith, we have all asked the question "how is it that Gary is so dense?" We have asked it many times. We feel your pain.

Also, TIL The Hound of Heaven is a poem.

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[mango_fandango]

There’s no point in arguing with stupid.

[AmazonGrace]

I don't know how it is possible to talk about Jesus so much and not understand a single thing that Jesus said about selfish fuckers.

[Bettyhere]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

I don't know how it is possible to talk about Jesus so much and not understand a single thing that Jesus said about selfish fuckers.

Agree with this! ? I may have to give up the guilty pleasure that is Gary and all his shenanigans... the light hearted piss take of all his verbal atrocities and facial nuances .. I just can’t get past his complete lack of sense and understanding of even the simplest rules.
I am so anti violence in every way but I want to punch his horrible face ! ? 

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

Ok folks

So here I am, tuning back in briefly while LF3 is asleep (?) and I see Bro Gary pontificating about how he don’t need no stinkin’ mask BECAUSE JESUS. All I have to say to that is: 

Matthew 4:5-7 

5 Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written:

‘He shall give His angels charge over you,’

and,

‘In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’ ”

7 Jesus said to him, “It is written again, ‘You shall not tempt the Lord your God.’ ”

Okay, so in so many words Jesus said “don’t be an idiot and expect God to magically protect you from the consequences of your idiocy”.

That’s all I have to say.

-Sis JFH, who always wears a mask

[thoughtful]

Gary was live from the truck, at "almost noontime, amen - the day, tell ya raht now, don't take long for tahm to come 'n' go, amen? 11:35, took mah wahf up here to see her family amen the kids praise the Lord."

I wonder if that means that Becky had a visit with her kids - hard to say, with Gary's babble.

Gary's important and unique message is interspersed with loud directions from his GPS.

Sunday's coming, and you'd better go to church, "what God says is a whole lot more important than what Governor whoever says."

The church, of course, must be King James only, and this spew follows:

"Some people believe that's there's uh more than one Bahble, well, ah'm glad God didn't need all them thangs, amen? Ah'm glad God knew what He wrote, and how He wrote it, and how He had the English-speakin' people to write it for the English-speakin' people, amen, ah know that, uh, uh, Spanish people have to have a little bit different 'n' ah understand that the uh Filipinos and the different ones 'n' ah'm gonna tell ya - for the English-speakin' people, there's only one Bahble, 'n' that one Bahble tells us to go ye in all the world, ah'm not Calvinism, ah don't believe that mess, ah don't have no kinda points in the Calvinism, ah just believe the book, ah believe what God said. God said to go tell 'em. AMEN!"

Also, if you don't die and the Rapture doesn't come by tomorrow morning, go to church, unless you wake up tomorrow with Covid-19, in which case you should stay home and watch church on Facebook (WATCH IT, don't just turn it on!). And if you are afraid to go out, get rid of your TV. Might as well get rid of the TV anyway, because "sodomy's takin' everything!"

Have I mentioned that Gary thinks you should go to church?

They didn't ask Gary to preach at the camp meeting, so I guess he needed to feed his addiction and do some preachifyin' in the Church of Henry Ford.

Edited September 19, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

This comment was under Gary's latest video. Willie, if you think that was well spoken, you should be concerned about your ears, or your brain, or both.

[thoughtful]

Conspiracy theories rattling around in an otherwise empty skull can be a dangerous situation.

"Vise president" sounds like the head of a tool manufacturing company. Would that be Mr. Black or Mr. Decker?

 

ETA - I guess he's believing the imaginary scheme that this article debunks:

https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/vice-presidential-vacancy-isnt-automatically-filled-by-house-speaker/

Why Harris/Pelosi would somehow be more frightening to them than Biden/Harris, I don't know. Lack of penises, perhaps?

Hey, Gary, aren't you always preaching that Pelosi isn't the problem, weak Christians are?

Edited September 20, 2020 by thoughtful

[Lillymuffin]

On 9/18/2020 at 9:22 PM, thoughtful said:

They (whoever they are) are doing Hellween!

Gary even wants head lice to send their babies to learn about JESUS.

 

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I’m guessing “hellweens” aren’t red/don’t make the gravy more pink in ME, therefore they’re clearly not KJB-approved. 

[thoughtful]

Gary got on Facebook during his morning walk. He is walking pretty fast, panting as he talks, so he does seem to be getting some actual exercise.

It is 37 degrees in WV, and Gary says it feels like he's smoking when he blows out cold air. I think he means it looks like he's smoking when he blows out warm air into the cold. But then, science was never Gary's strong suit.

He lectures us about working on both our physical and spiritual lives, although he forgets which one he's talking about a few times.

"If you cain't get up and go to church this mornin' for the Lord Jesus Christ, what makes you think He should come 'n' gitchu whenever He returns for His children? And what makes you think you're one o' His?"

If you think that was accompanied by the pissy face, you are correct:

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[smittykins]

Well, Gary, my church had a drive-in service today, which I watched over Facebook.  Does that count?

(I already know the answer.)

[thoughtful]

If people that is lost would be afraid of going as much as are the covid-19 they get Saved.

Profound words. I think you left out "to Hell" there, Gary. You make it sound like they should be afraid not of damnation, but of passing kidney stones. Actually, you make it sound like Covid-19 is afraid of going.

Neededtobesaid? Noitreallydidn't. Does Gary think he used a hashtag there? ?

[Lillymuffin]

I feel like that needed a proper Bro Gary

 

pissy face punctuation after it. 

[thoughtful]

We really should have a Bro Gary pissy face emoji.

Gary was live again, from his hotel room, I guess. He said they went to church "where they're stayin'" yesterday morning. I didn't see or hear them on Bright Light's Sunday video, so I don't know where they were. They went somewhere else last night.

"The reason for me bein' on here, ah'm, ah've got a few comin' on, ah'd lahk fer you to share this . . . ah'm really sincerely . . . wanting to . . . America! Ah think about America! Ah love America. You say wha? Well, ah was borned here, amen?"

"Joe Bahden nor Harris - ah cain't say her first name, but - Joe Bahden nor Harris, neither one is gonna be the president or vice president, becowse Pelosi is in lahn for the next presidency."

He knows this because of talking to "two or three different preachers" and "mah daddy."

Well, then - must be true!

"We're comin' to the part that, if they come down to the election, Donald Trump don't win, then the nominee will be Nancy Pelosi because that's who  is up for grabs. And she is WICKED."

"Some preachers don't have the guts to tell you who to vote for."

If you don't want to vote for Trump, as far as Gary is concerned, you should take your family and go live in some Communism and socialism country.

 "Ah even told a guy to enjoy his job, becowse, after Nancy Pelosi gets in  office, there won't be no jobs, ah mean there won't be no need workin', so, our country'll just fall over. And, we understand that's what's gotta happen for the Lord to come, we understand that."

For a guy who has a heart for America, he sure doesn't know much about it.

He gets into his riff about how people have go preach all over the US.

Gary hates snow, but he'd go somewhere it snows, for God. "If you've never been to South Dakota, don't tell me you know what snow is. Ah know what snow is. Ah lived it- fahhv years!"

After a long, long silent stare at the camera, Gary comes up with this well-thought-out gem: "Ah'm pleadin' with some people to git off of their hiney 'n' git off of their lazy bone."

Then he proceeds to tell us how he worked a part-time job (you can ask his Daddy!) until he went into full-time evangelism, because his family needed to eat.

That would have been great, Gary, if you'd continued working beyond your mid-30s. Oh, and full-time might have been good.

There's more, but I must go teach. I shall return . . .

 

Edited September 22, 2020 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

57 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah even told a guy to enjoy his job, becowse, after Nancy Pelosi gets in  office, there won't be no jobs, ah mean there won't be no need workin', so, our country'll just fall over. And, we understand that's what's gotta happen for the Lord to come, we understand that."

And yet Gary you have no job and seem to be doing... OKish. Just imagine, with a universal basic income you could faff around "preaching" even more, and people might have more income to give you! (Or not). 

58 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He knows this because of talking to "two or three different preachers" and "mah daddy."

So the rumour running rampant in your community has been passed on to you several different times. Still doesn't make it any more true.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

After a long, long silent stare at the camera, Gary comes up with this well-thought-out gem: "Ah'm pleadin' with some people to git off of their hiney 'n' git off of their lazy bone."

This makes me wonder if people within his community can't stand Trump either, but can't vote Democrat so are planning to sit this one out. Interesting...

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

This makes me wonder if people within his community can't stand Trump either, but can't vote Democrat so are planning to sit this one out. Interesting

He was off of the election and well into exhorting people to go preach in the "town after town after town after town" that all need Bahble-believin' churches by that point, so I think that's what he wants those rising off of their hineys to do.

He really seems to think he's an experienced, senior sage who has paid his dues, and sounds disgusted with young whippersnapper preachers who are particular about where they go. He also wants them to "work a job" on the side, like he did, years ago.

"Ah didn't go 'round this country 'n' git thousands 'n' thousands 'n' thousands of dollars of support. Ya say wha? 'Cause ah didn't think it was God's will. Ah got me just a little bit of support -  ah think the most ah ever got was probably $700 a month."

Say it with me, everyone - that's more than your preaching is worth, Gary!

He tells a pointless story about a couple in a laundromat in a town in New York that needs a Bahble-believin' church.

He was listening to a sermon by Carl Lackey, about how you know you're backslid when you stop carin' about souls.

"It's tahm to get up. Phooey on what you think or what you don't think about so-and-so and bluh bluh bluh, it's tahm you  - it's tahm we got out there and do somethin' for God. Now, ah wanna say, thank God, thank God, THANK God, there are a few."

We're gettin' close to the comin' of the Lord. The chastisement of God is getting harder, because the world is more wicked than it has ever been. This, of course, is from taking prayer out of school, the ten commandments out of the courthouse, and shutting God out of the church house.

Gary has a tent - he's willing to help. Just so you know.

Gary sounds very hoarse. I hope he's not ill.

ETA - they sing, and open up GOD word to be a help.

Spoiler

 

Edited September 21, 2020 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Gary's busy tonight. First, some blasphemous worship of that hot babe that all the True Christian guys want - Kristi Noem. "Truth your people what she said!"

Spoiler

I would call a lot of that behavior very unconstitutional, and a huge waste of time, myself.

Next (do you think Gary realizes those numbers are years?):

Spoiler

Hey, what happened to 2017-2019? Most of us were thinking that Donald Trump was going to get some of us killed, and he still might.

Oh, and I wasn't staying home in fear from any of those other things, nor did I think they were going to "kill us all." I don't think the coronavirus is going to "kill us all." I just think it's common sense to treat the coronavirus somewhat differently.

Finally, go ahead, knock that chip off of the petulant bully's shoulder, I dare you! Just be aware that he put it there for JESUS!

I hope you meant "punishes," not "finish," Gary.

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[Black Aliss]

What is so hard for people to understand about masks--they don't protect the wearer, they protect the people the wearer comes in contact with. "My mask protects you; your mask protects me" 

One of GHaws supporters claims that nobody is contagious until they are actually sick and this is also flat-out not true. With most airborne viruses, including coronavirus and influenza, you are contagious at least a day, likely more, before you have symptoms. Some people never have severe enough symptoms that they really notice them.

It's willful ignorance and I'll take actual stupidity or outright malice over that any day.

[Xan]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's busy tonight. First, some blasphemous worship of that hot babe that all the True Christian guys want - Kristi Noem. "Truth your people what she said!"

  Reveal hidden contents

I would call a lot of that behavior very unconstitutional, and a huge waste of time, myself.

Next (do you think Gary realizes those numbers are years?):

  Hide contents

Hey, what happened to 2017-2019? Most of us were thinking that Donald Trump was going to get some of us killed, and he still might.

Oh, and I wasn't staying home in fear from any of those other things, nor did I think they were going to "kill us all." I don't think the coronavirus is going to "kill us all." I just think it's common sense to treat the coronavirus somewhat differently.

Finally, go ahead, knock that chip off of the petulant bully's shoulder, I dare you! Just be aware that he put it there for JESUS!

I hope you meant "punishes," not "finish," Gary.

  Hide contents

 

Trust in God but wash your hands?  God can defeat the Coronavirus but he's stymied by the usual hand germs?  

You know, Gary -- there are just so many reasons not to friend you in the first place that I wouldn't know where to begin. 

And, Jesus saves old sinner's ...what?  I don't understand how Gary avoids commas but loves to put in unnecessary apostrophes.

[Ozlsn]

6 minutes ago, Xan said:

And, Jesus saves old sinner's ...what? 

Asses?

Sounds about right, I keep expecting more church related outbreaks.

[thoughtful]

Gary loves the story of Job.

He seems to have made up a new word. I would like to think that "eschewe" means to refuse to have anything to do with a female sheep.

[keepercjr]

18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah didn't go 'round this country 'n' git thousands 'n' thousands 'n' thousands of dollars of support. Ya say wha? 'Cause ah didn't think it was God's will. Ah got me just a little bit of support -  ah think the most ah ever got was probably $700 a month."

Say it with me, everyone - that's more than your preaching is worth, Gary!

 

 

He fails to mention the child support for Becky's kids and probably his own kids too.  That is what financed his travels.  Not so much any more.  They probably  didn't *need* a lot of external support.  I know now they are barely scraping by with most meals probably provided by the churches they visit and maybe some gas money. And maybe child support for Jacob.

Edited September 22, 2020 by keepercjr

[thoughtful]

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[thoughtful]

Gary got some dissent about his "not a bible" crosspost. As ever, he behaves like a dick.

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Hey, Gary - you missed one!

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[Ozlsn]

Gutenberg is God!!11!!