Maxwell 39: Like Sands Through an Hour Glass, so Are the Vests of Our Lives

[SassyPants]

But Chelsy can cook herself, and likely feeds her family well, within their $ means. Wouldn’t it be great for all these adults  to be autonomous? A loving support system is great, a noose around one’s neck is not. Steve is a noose with a boulder tied to the end. Hard to be worse than JB Duggar, but these dude has managed it-

[NoseyNellie]

Once can only imagine what thought process went into the house purchase, rental, flip  flop.. Who know how much communication was ever had between Jesse and his bride.. but I would like to think that instead of him proposing marriage and then pounding his chest and informing her " You live in my house now!" they spoke about THEIR future.. what THEY saw, and the choice to live in a home new to both of them, in a new environment, and make decisions together.  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

28 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

But Chelsy can cook herself, and likely feeds her family well, within their $ means. Wouldn’t it be great for all these adults  to be autonomous? A loving support system is great, a noose around one’s neck is not. Steve is a noose with a boulder tied to the end. Hard to be worse than JB Duggar, but these dude has managed it-

This brings up an interesting question.  If not for Steve losing precious breeding time with his vasectomy they'd have easily had double digit kids.  As it is his control was easier to maintain with separate sets of kids - the eldest 3 already indoctrinated by the time the youngest five came alone.

How would his control over all of them had been different if they hadn't stopped and had a lot more kids.  

[SassyPants]

3 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This brings up an interesting question.  If not for Steve losing precious breeding time with his vasectomy they'd have easily had double digit kids.  As it is his control was easier to maintain with separate sets of kids - the eldest 3 already indoctrinated by the time the youngest five came alone.

How would his control over all of them had been different if they hadn't stopped and had a lot more kids.  

Had that happened, Steve might be single.

[freejugar]

Quote

We will miss having them right here in Leavenworth, but they plan to come back for Sunday family lunches and other family events, so we’ll still enjoy seeing them and having them around

Can you imagine having to drive every weekend to eat tasteless bean mush and hear about where you will go when you die, when you could just enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant and a walk around town or whatever?

[Queen Of Hearts]

What I love the most about the post about Jesse living in an apartment is that they are doing so partly to decide what area they would like to settle in. That tells me that Jesse and Anna  are not interested in living in Maxville.  I believe if Maxville was ever on the table as even a possibility he would have kept the house as a rental for another year.  

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

8 minutes ago, freejugar said:

Can you imagine having to drive every weekend to eat tasteless bean mush and hear about where you will go when you die, when you could just enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant and a walk around town or whatever?

I would resent the hell out of that imposition on one of only two days off when I could be spending them with my new spouse.

Sometimes, sure.  A standing Sunday date...I would not be a happy new bride.

[Alisamer]

33 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This brings up an interesting question.  If not for Steve losing precious breeding time with his vasectomy they'd have easily had double digit kids.  As it is his control was easier to maintain with separate sets of kids - the eldest 3 already indoctrinated by the time the youngest five came alone.

How would his control over all of them had been different if they hadn't stopped and had a lot more kids.  

I'm not sure Teri would have survived more than the kids they had, TBH. It seems like she was just barely getting by as it was. I don't know what form it might have taken, but I think she'd have been out of the picture somehow at some point. 

 

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

What a novel parenting philosophy - stifle your children's natural abilities, crush their modest dreams!

The results speak for themselves: 5 sons with the exact same career in IT and no hobbies or special abilities that we know of except for home repair and maintenance, a "writer" daughter who can't write a coherent paragraph, and two daughters with the creative outlets of a 10 year-old (ballons, face painting, drawing, card making...)

To a commenter who asked if Mary sells her hand painted signs, Teri's responds: "No, those plaques are labors of love and very time consuming!"

The Max's value laborious, painstaking tasks. Does it bring you joy? Then don't do it! Their life is like a reverse Marie Kondo. 

 

 

They don't believe in abortion under any circumstances, but it's ok to steal the life away from a child who eventually becomes a limited adult.  I don't get it.  Total control is destructive, and none of them see that. It's odd that out of 8 kids not one had enough gumption  to say what they really wanted in life. I'm not a particularly rebellious person, but I knew what I did and didn't want in life and was allowed to say and do what worked for me.   I didn't grow up the Maxwell way, so I don't have any idea about how it is from personal experience.  From the outside it looks so unfulfilling and depressing no matter what you feel like you might gain in the end after you die.  (Wouldn't be worth it to me to waste the talents I was born with so that I'd end up in boring Maxwell heaven.)

[MamaJunebug]

36 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Had that happened, Steve might be single.

I was thinking, widowed. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Go Jesse and Anna III

Way to go!! Stay in that apartment, use b.c., watch t.v. or binge Netflix, read good books, go to art museums, do whatever the hell YOU want! Get a real job, go to college, volunteer in something meaningful!!

I can't wait for the first week they are regretfully not able to get home for Sunday family day!

[Alisamer]

I wonder if the kids have figured out the fact that dad bans anything they enjoy too much? Like maybe by pretending to like sewing so much they knew Steve would declare it an idol and ban it so they didn't have to do it anymore?

I doubt it. But that's definitely something I'd pull if I had to deal with Steve and his strange aversion to fun.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

13 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Get a real job

Assuming Swift Otter has real clients and makes legit money, Jesse does have a real job.  As much as family businesses can work for some people I'd imagine it adds a huge element of difficulty in a family as enmeshed as the Maxwells.  

I do think people do better in family business if they have some experience working in non-family business.  It makes them better bosses because they know what it's like to be a regular employee without the protection of family.  

I wonder what Anna will do.  My mom used to talk about when she was newly married and not allowed to work she was so bored...there is only so much housecleaning you can do with two tidy people and she didn't know what to do with herself until kids came along.  I hope Anna finds something fulfilling to do to fight boredom.

59 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

What I love the most about the post about Jesse living in an apartment is that they are doing so partly to decide what area they would like to settle in. That tells me that Jesse and Anna  are not interested in living in Maxville.  I believe if Maxville was ever on the table as even a possibility he would have kept the house as a rental for another year.  

 

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when he told his family the news.

[Caroline]

22 hours ago, SassyPants said:

ITRW, we all know plenty of people who turn their backs on everything or at least some things from their upbringing, and seemingly no family gets by without this happening. It’s no great or revealing occurrence. I’m beginning to think we are just as brainwashed as the fundamentalists when we are still shocked when one of these offspring steps off the beaten path?! With the number of people we are talking about, it’s going to happen. HELL, Steve, Teri, Gil, KJ, JB, and Michelle ALL stepped off their families’ beaten paths. Why should/would some of their kids be any different?

Not having grown up in this lifestyle, I've assumed that these hyper-religious types would shun any children who would leave the lifestyle.  Steve, Teri, and company likely didn't have to worry about that when they went hyper-Fundie.  It looks like all of them came from a main-stream background and normal, main-stream people don't normally abandon their kids emotionally if they do something differently.  

[Alisamer]

2 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I wonder what Anna will do.  My mom used to talk about when she was newly married and not allowed to work she was so bored...there is only so much housecleaning you can do with two tidy people and she didn't know what to do with herself until kids came along.  I hope Anna finds something fulfilling to do to fight boredom.

That's literally the ONE thing I envy about these people. They have SO MUCH TIME. So much. At least until they start pumping out babies, but that first year or so before the baby is born? So much time. 

I have a very long list of things I'd get done if I didn't have to work and keep house. (And I could come up with the motivation, but that's my personal issue.)

All my dolls' faces would be painted, and I'd work on making them clothes.
I'd work on improving my drawing and painting skills.
I'd make jewelry with all the supplies I've accumulated.
I'd be setting up room shelves and room boxes for all the dolls (I have two I did years ago, and none since).
Similarly I'd have proper well-organized nice looking displays for all the other collectibles. (The Decepticabinet full of Transformers currently looks like it's post-battle.)
I'd work on finishing that book I started writing ages ago.
I'd read that stack of books waiting for my next beach trip.
I'd do some volunteering.
I'd visit the local botanical garden often, and the local museums.
I'd work on my photography.
I'd travel, as much as I could.
I'd foster some kittens, maybe. 
I might start a YouTube channel.
I'd keep up with my instagram better.
I'd have fun hanging out and crafting days with my friends regularly.
I'd KNIT ALL THE THINGS.

I'd also still watch a couple YouTube channels, post here, and play Animal Crossing and Pokemon Go.

They have so much time. If I won a lottery jackpot today and was able to retire, I'd be in a nursing home before I ran out of things to do. Sure, there'd be boring moments, there always are, but I can't imagine not being able to find SOMETHING to do. 

I more often find myself doing nothing because there are TOO MANY things I want/need to do!

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, Caroline said:

Not having grown up in this lifestyle, I've assumed that these hyper-religious types would shun any children who would leave the lifestyle.  Steve, Teri, and company likely didn't have to worry about that when they went hyper-Fundie.  It looks like all of them came from a main-stream background and normal, main-stream people don't normally abandon their kids emotionally if they do something differently.  

From what we’ve seen on FJ, fundie parents don’t usually fully shun. And if they do, it doesn’t last. I imagine the relationship is quite strained, but I think a lot of the time, parents can’t fully shun their grown children forever. I think they use guilt trips, shaming, and withholding to emotionally abuse them. But I don’t think they fully shun. They probably want the kids to keep in contact so they can harass them into coming back into the fold.

[SassyPants]

@Alisamer...here’s my story. Mid 60s, married, mom of 2 grown kids, retired from a 35 year nursing career and tired. At this point, I lean towards lazy. Although it’s 1100 and I have sourdough proofing, have mole treated the front yard, been to the nursery, pharmacy and Ace Hardware and need to get out and plant. I also washed and changed the bed linens. My house is where fun goes to die, but there is alcohol and other non-Maxwellian treats. 
I did score on Isopropyl Alcohol though. Ace just received their shipment(still in boxes) and let me buy 2. They said it would be gone within the hour. 

[Melissa1977]

3 hours ago, freejugar said:

Can you imagine having to drive every weekend to eat tasteless bean mush and hear about where you will go when you die, when you could just enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant and a walk around town or whatever?

Forget what I wrote, I was wrong.

Edited June 24, 2020 by Melissa1977
I delete post because I was wrong

[usedbicycle]

3 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't think they mean every Sunday. Joe is a neighbour but rarely joins family diners. I think only Nathan and Christopher families are often there, but not weekly. They only eat all together for holidays, and then need to set 2 tables and cook in advance etc. So I doubt Jesse is going to visit them more than his brothers. 

"Extended family" Sunday lunch is a Maxwell tradition. Everyone attends unless they have an excuse (Teri mentions travelling or sickness). If Jesse starts skipping it because his new church service runs late or whatnot, it will be a big deal. 

https://blog.titus2.com/2018/06/11/sunday-lunch-at-the-maxwells/

https://blog.titus2.com/2017/03/26/family-lunch/

https://blog.titus2.com/2014/06/04/sunday-family-times/

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

From what we’ve seen on FJ, fundie parents don’t usually fully shun. And if they do, it doesn’t last. I imagine the relationship is quite strained, but I think a lot of the time, parents can’t fully shun their grown children forever. I think they use guilt trips, shaming, and withholding to emotionally abuse them. But I don’t think they fully shun. They probably want the kids to keep in contact so they can harass them into coming back into the fold.

I would like to add that parents use to love their kids. Not all parents, I know. But shunning a kid is a very hard decision, especially for close-knit families. Kellers are an example of.that: they have accepted several kids leaving the cult, 2 divorces and a single mother, and despite all the pain they must suffer, they show love. Don't get me wrong, Kellers are horrible, but that part of them is good.

 

2 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

Extended family" Sunday lunch is a Maxwell tradition. Everyone attends unless they have an excuse (Teri mentions travelling or sickness). If Jesse starts skipping it because his new church service runs late or whatnot, it will be a big deal

I thought it was just for holidays. OMG what a nightmare!

[Caroline]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

@Alisamer...here’s my story. Mid 60s, married, mom of 2 grown kids, retired from a 35 year nursing career and tired. At this point, I lean towards lazy. Although it’s 1100 and I have sourdough proofing, have mole treated the front yard, been to the nursery, pharmacy and Ace Hardware and need to get out and plant. I also washed and changed the bed linens. My house is where fun goes to die, but there is alcohol and other non-Maxwellian treats. 
I did score on Isopropyl Alcohol though. Ace just received their shipment(still in boxes) and let me buy 2. They said it would be gone within the hour. 

Alisamer: I can't wait to be you!  I'm two or three years from retirement.  I will have taught for 40+ years. The last three months of the school year have thrown be for a loop remote-learning wise.  Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown after a 7 hour on-line course that was so tech-heavy that I missed the point of the course itself.  If I have to return to school remotely I think I'll end up in the loony bin.  I have tried to figure out a way to retire early (our district is not famous for offering early retirement incentives), but it all comes down to needing health insurance because we live in a country that doesn't care about universal health care.  I'm thinking of approaching the superintendent about retiring a year early if I can keep my health insurance for that year.  It would be a win for the school district because they could hire someone for half my salary and still save money even if they pay for one more year of insurance  till I am able to access Medicare.  It sounds logical to me.   I'm tired too and can't wait to be a little lazy, even though I'm not really lazy by nature.  Forty years of the same career is enough.  

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, Caroline said:

Alisamer: I can't wait to be you!  I'm two or three years from retirement.  I will have taught for 40+ years. The last three months of the school year have thrown be for a loop remote-learning wise.  Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown after a 7 hour on-line course that was so tech-heavy that I missed the point of the course itself.  If I have to return to school remotely I think I'll end up in the loony bin.  I have tried to figure out a way to retire early (our district is not famous for offering early retirement incentives), but it all comes down to needing health insurance because we live in a country that doesn't care about universal health care.  I'm thinking of approaching the superintendent about retiring a year early if I can keep my health insurance for that year.  It would be a win for the school district because they could hire someone for half my salary and still save money even if they pay for one more year of insurance  till I am able to access Medicare.  It sounds logical to me.   I'm tired too and can't wait to be a little lazy, even though I'm not really lazy by nature.  Forty years of the same career is enough.  

Health care benefits are the reason my husband still works...we are soooo close. I never thought of myself as lazy until I no longer had to get up at 0500 and bust it out all day, year after year. I retired early because my daughter was ill and needed someone to help with her newborn.

Living the life I have, like most other middle class folks in the US, makes me really resent folks like the Duggars who survive(quite well) by scamming others.

[Tatar-tot]

4 hours ago, freejugar said:

Can you imagine having to drive every weekend to eat tasteless bean mush and hear about where you will go when you die, when you could just enjoy a nice meal at a restaurant and a walk around town or whatever?

Nope - I would bring a lasagna or meatballs. I make bad ass meatballs.  That with a couple packages of rolls for subs & I can guarantee that not a single person with the last name MAXWELL would go within 10 yards of that bean mush. 
 

I stand corrected: unless their name starts with an S and ends with an L & is a male who receives Medicare. 

Edited June 24, 2020 by Tatar-tot

[Bethy]

5 hours ago, NoseyNellie said:

Once can only imagine what thought process went into the house purchase, rental, flip  flop.. Who know how much communication was ever had between Jesse and his bride.. but I would like to think that instead of him proposing marriage and then pounding his chest and informing her " You live in my house now!" they spoke about THEIR future.. what THEY saw, and the choice to live in a home new to both of them, in a new environment, and make decisions together.  

You mean like when Joe bought his house and his sisters were working like dogs to renovate it, and that included redoing flooring, painting, and redoing the kitchen, and I was never really sure that Elizabeth Munck even got to see the place in person, or even had any say in what her future home would look like? Jesse had a front row seat on that. And you know we don't have all the details (and never will) because these are the Maxwells...but if the fact that she didn't have a say in anything led to her having the final say in not marrying into Maxhell, Jesse definitely saw all that play out and it looks like he learned from it.

Edited June 24, 2020 by Bethy
Jesse has more than one sister

[zandria]

I couldn't be more surprised if Jesse had grown a second head. He's moved up in my estimation: Forgotten Jesse no more, now he's "Under the Radar" Jesse, stealthily lining up his financial ducks in order to make the big break. 

Notice how many of the pics of Anna in that post are from the waist up? Could it be she's wearing pants?

These two are going places, and I love that Mary will be hanging out in KC now. How can she (or Steve) say no if Jesse needs help re-grouting shower tile or hanging drywall? It's what family does, Steve! You'll never find out that Mary actually went to an art museum and met new people at a real church not led by Steve.

I should have known Jesse was different when he tweeted about attending a developers' conference in New Orleans. I work in the software industry and will attest such an environment would be about as far out of Steve's comfort zone as can be imagined.