Maxwell 39: Like Sands Through an Hour Glass, so Are the Vests of Our Lives

[usmcmom]

3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I can’t seem to find Grace’s Facebook page. I see her professional one. Does she have another public one?

Quoting myself to say...never mind. Instagram is where I needed to be. 

[meee]

9 hours ago, Bethy said:

Um...is that Mel in the outfit you just described? I know there are still a couple Maher sisters who are pretty fundie and I can't always tell them apart, but if that's Mel in the picture on Grace's IG...it doesn't do anything to ease my concern that we'll be seeing Debi in a "Big Sister" onesie any day now.

Really? It's unflattering and wrinkled, but it doesn't scream "maternity" to me.

I'd be surprised, given her age and her history of infertility/miscarriage. 

[Bethy]

3 hours ago, meee said:

Really? It's unflattering and wrinkled, but it doesn't scream "maternity" to me.

I'd be surprised, given her age and her history of infertility/miscarriage. 

It doesn't scream "maternity" to me, but it does kind of whisper "I'm bloated [for whatever unnamed reason] and I'm trying to cover it up with this oversized shirt." 

You know, the way I dressed when I was early-pregnant and didn't want to announce yet.

I'm probably projecting. For her sake, I hope I'm projecting!

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

It doesn't scream "maternity" to me, but it does kind of whisper "I'm bloated [for whatever unnamed reason] and I'm trying to cover it up with this oversized shirt." 

Fwiw you just described my outfit today and I'm definitely not pregnant.

(I am also wearing loose yoga pants which look like slacks...don't tell anyone)

[Alisamer]

15 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

I had a neighbor, now deceased, who had a wardrobe out of a box almost.  Everything was either capris or long pants in black, olive, or tan and sleeveless or short sleeved shirts in the same colors.  She was always put together no matter which pieces she selected.  She had a black jacket that could go with any outfit.

My mom went to business college back around 1969, and as part of that she had to take the Nancy Taylor Course - basically a "finishing school" type thing - I think at one point it became a "secretarial school". I read the books obsessively as a kid. Four full volumes about beauty and etiquette, basically. I keep an eye out for copies of them now that hers are gone. The "how to get out of a car gracefully while wearing a skirt" illustration has actually come in handy!

One of the things they suggested was to get in some good lighting with a mirror and drape fabric around your shoulders, to see which colors work best for you, and then choose a neutral. They had suggested wardrobes based on the neutral you chose - either black, navy, or beige. I think today's "capsule wardrobes" aren't too terribly different. Basically you'd get a pair of slacks (if your workplace allowed pants), a long skirt, a knee-length skirt, and a dress in your neutral. Add to that nice white blouses in both short and long sleeves, a jacket in your neutral that matched the slacks and skirt and could go over the dress, and that was your foundation wardrobe. You'd add scarves and blouses in accent colors that flattered your coloring, and mix and match to create your entire business wardrobe. (With sensible leather pumps, seasonally appropriate hats that suited your face shape, and well-kept kid gloves, obviously.)

[nvmbr02]

New blog post up. Jesse and Anna wanted to experience apartment living so are renting for a year while they decide where they want to buy a house. I'm sure Steve had a meltdown but good for them, some space from dealing with the "extended" family on a daily basis will do them some good. 

As for Melanie...it could go either way. I don't think she looks pregnant, she looks like a woman in her 40s that has had 7 pregnancies. Then again, she could certainly have another baby. My grandmother, 4 of my aunts and my MIL all had 1-2 babies in their mid 40s, and several of them had a history of miscarriage or infertility. The only one that didn't was my grandmother. My MIL, tried for 3 years for my husband then tried for another 3 years for a second baby before giving up (then getting divorced). After she remarried in her late 30's she went off birth control hoping for another baby. 5 years later she had my BIL, followed 11 months later with my SIL.  So it does happen. I hope she's done. She's had 7 full term pregnancies and that really takes a lot out of you/ your body.  6 kids is a large family but not unmanageable.

[fundiewatch]

Steve has got to be beside himself by Jesse’s actions! He had a debt free home and gave that away for apartment living. ??

[fundiefan]

So he did flip the house his sisters worked on. Hope they got some compensation. 

[nvmbr02]

I still don't understand why he didn't just find another tenant to rent to. He could have just had the new people sign a 1 year lease and then sold his place closer to when he was ready to buy.

Unless it is just an excuse to move further away. If the rental house didn't sell or there wasn't another home ready nearby they could have faced a lot of pressure to stay close to the fathership.

[MamaJunebug]

4 hours ago, meee said:

Really? It's unflattering and wrinkled, but it doesn't scream "maternity" to me.

I'd be surprised, given her age and her history of infertility/miscarriage. 

And also that she’s over 40, has delivered 7 (?) babies and AFAIK doesn’t regularly visit even The Steven Maxwell Garage Gym And You’d-Better-Be-Thin Fitness Center  — yes, it could just be a comfort thing.

Are these photos on Grace’s FB? I’m beatin’ feet to go look!!! 8-D

[nvmbr02]

They are from Grace's instagram. Which is public. 

 

 

[MamaJunebug]

21 minutes ago, nvmbr02 said:

I still don't understand why he didn't just find another tenant to rent to. He could have just had the new people sign a 1 year lease and then sold his place closer to when he was ready to buy.

Unless it is just an excuse to move further away. If the rental house didn't sell or there wasn't another home ready nearby they could have faced a lot of pressure to stay close to the fathership.

I’m thinking that’s it. You know how second-borns learn by watching the mistakes their older sibling makes? Jesse’s been able to watch FOUR brothers dutifully cleave but not leave, as well as THREE sisters wither on the vine. Well, one withering but who sees Anna or Mary marrying? Not me. 

And I think Jesse might be the poor kid who was really enjoying guitar and thus Dad had it removed from his life. 

Musicians don’t forget insults like  that. Prohibiting someone who loves music from pursuing it to the max of their heart’s desire? Bad idea.

Besides: Leavenworth isn’t a bad town but it ain’t KC. Not everybody is going to enjoy small-town living. 

Yeppers: I’m definitely hopeful that Jesse and Anna will make their own lives, their way.  

Edited June 23, 2020 by MamaJunebug

[Bethy]

1 hour ago, MamaJunebug said:

I’m thinking that’s it. You know how second-borns learn by watching the mistakes their older sibling makes? Jesse’s been able to watch FOUR brothers dutifully cleave but not leave, as well as THREE sisters wither on the vine. Well, one withering but who sees Anna or Mary marrying? Not me. 

And I think Jesse might be the poor kid who was really enjoying guitar and thus Dad had it removed from his life. 

Musicians don’t forget insults like  that. Prohibiting someone who loves music from pursuing it to the max of their heart’s desire? Bad idea.

Besides: Leavenworth isn’t a bad town but it ain’t KC. Not everybody is going to enjoy small-town living. 

Yeppers: I’m definitely hopeful that Jesse and Anna will make their own lives, their way.  

TBH Jesse was so "forgotten" (truly!) that it never occurred to me that he might just quietly dig in his heels and say, "No, I'm going to do it my way." Good on him, though. I hope he's got a guitar and he's practicing it as much as he wants. And that he and Anna 3.0 are rethinking some other parts of his upbringing as well.

1 hour ago, nvmbr02 said:

They are from Grace's instagram. Which is public. 

 

 

In fairness, certain types of fabric (rayon being one of the biggest offenders) wrinkle mercilessly. The way her shirt is wrinkled looks like it happened on the car ride over. 

Still a baggy, unflattering combination paired with the mid-calf denim skirt. Would be okay over leggings, skinny jeans, shorts - you know, basically anything the Maxwells WOULDN'T wear.

Unfortunately I think this picture probably answers some questions from upthread about whether N&M&Co have an "alternate wardrobe" that they wear when they're around her family ?

1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

One of the things they suggested was to get in some good lighting with a mirror and drape fabric around your shoulders, to see which colors work best for you, and then choose a neutral. 

My mom and I had this done when I was very young. It seems like it was some kind of "party" with a consultant (along the lines of Tupperware) where we all got together and ate snacks and took our turn with the color drapes. We each got a little booklet about the size of a checkbook with swatches of our "best" colors in it, so when shopping we could easily choose the blouse or scarf that would look the best.

It's a great concept, and it's good to know what colors suit you and which ones make you look sallow, but I also remember my mom having a book when I was growing up that basically said you HAD to wear your "best" colors all the time because otherwise you weren't honoring God. It's actually the opposite of all this saggy/baggy "too holy to care how I look" thinking, taken to a different extreme of course, but I really don't think God is less pleased with me if I wear a color that isn't in my little portfolio of swatches.

[fundiefan]

If Jesse & Anna are attending the Countryside Christian church in Mission, I'm a little shocked. It's a Disciples of Christ church.

First, he sells the mortgage free house he was taught to be a priority & moves to another city and rents an apartment.

Then, he is attending a chuch that has women leaders, is not vehemently anti LGTBQ (apparently each church is independentaly "allowed" to make their own determinations - and there is even an internal association OF LGTBQ members);  they are affiliated with actual accredited colleges, there are not all encompassing rigid, legalistic beliefs and this kills me....everything I've read (which admittedly is not a lot; I only started reading this morning) says that one of their founding beliefs is learning for yourself - like, saying "I believe such and such but you should read the bible for yourself". And they believe the bible is insprired, not literal - well, some do anyway. I guess it's a choice since all the churches get to make their own rules. And, they baptise at the age of accountability - meaning no 5 year old can claim they're saved and chosen jesus as their savior when they can't even add 3+3.

It's all very confusing to me. I never knew about the Christian Church designation as a denomination. If I thought about it at all, I figured it was like Bible Church or Bible Believeing - just another term for evangelicals/fundamentalists. 

And, even more than my understanding of the differenences in Christianity, the church goes completely against Steve's rigid, controlling, judgmental grain. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I figured it would be one of the younger Max children to branch out. You gotta watch the younger ones. I’m not saying he’s a big rebel or no longer fundie. He’s just not doing exactly what Steve wants. I love seeing that in fundieland. Especially when fundie kids do these “mini rebellions.” Because all the people around the Maxwells would never think Jesse was doing anything sinful. Therefore if the Max parents complain, they are the ones who look ridiculous. So Steve must grit his teeth and deal with Jesse touching his toe slightly outside of the Maxwell status quo. 

Edited June 23, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[deborahlynn1979]

37 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

If Jesse & Anna are attending the Countryside Christian church in Mission, I'm a little shocked. It's a Disciples of Christ church.

First, he sells the mortgage free house he was taught to be a priority & moves to another city and rents an apartment.

Then, he is attending a chuch that has women leaders, is not vehemently anti LGTBQ (apparently each church is independentaly "allowed" to make their own determinations - and there is even an internal association OF LGTBQ members);  they are affiliated with actual accredited colleges, there are not all encompassing rigid, legalistic beliefs and this kills me....everything I've read (which admittedly is not a lot; I only started reading this morning) says that one of their founding beliefs is learning for yourself - like, saying "I believe such and such but you should read the bible for yourself". And they believe the bible is insprired, not literal - well, some do anyway. I guess it's a choice since all the churches get to make their own rules. And, they baptise at the age of accountability - meaning no 5 year old can claim they're saved and chosen jesus as their savior when they can't even add 3+3.

It's all very confusing to me. I never knew about the Christian Church designation as a denomination. If I thought about it at all, I figured it was like Bible Church or Bible Believeing - just another term for evangelicals/fundamentalists. 

And, even more than my understanding of the differenences in Christianity, the church goes completely against Steve's rigid, controlling, judgmental grain. 

I would imagine the chances of THAT being the church they're going to are little to none. I think you're kindly giving them way too much credit. They haven't said anything specific about the church they are going to, and I remember someone saying that there were quite a few Countryside churches in the area. 

 

[SassyPants]

ITRW, we all know plenty of people who turn their backs on everything or at least some things from their upbringing, and seemingly no family gets by without this happening. It’s no great or revealing occurrence. I’m beginning to think we are just as brainwashed as the fundamentalists when we are still shocked when one of these offspring steps off the beaten path?! With the number of people we are talking about, it’s going to happen. HELL, Steve, Teri, Gil, KJ, JB, and Michelle ALL stepped off their families’ beaten paths. Why should/would some of their kids be any different?

[SolomonFundy]

Damn. Jesse. 

 

This is probably an 11 on the Maxwell emotional Richter scale. The unprecedented event of an employed, adult man selling real estate that he purchased, and moving to a more populous area with his wife. Attending a church that is possibly not situated in an adult nursing home. Insanity.

Financially, it almost certainly made sense to keep the house and rent it. My assumption is that Jesse didn't enjoy his landlord experience (it's not a walk in the park 90% of the time), and/or that he wanted to decrease the likelihood of being forced to live on Steve Street for life. There's always Gigi's house, I guess. 

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

My mom and I had this done when I was very young. It seems like it was some kind of "party" with a consultant (along the lines of Tupperware) where we all got together and ate snacks and took our turn with the color drapes. We each got a little booklet about the size of a checkbook with swatches of our "best" colors in it, so when shopping we could easily choose the blouse or scarf that would look the best.

It's a great concept, and it's good to know what colors suit you and which ones make you look sallow, but I also remember my mom having a book when I was growing up that basically said you HAD to wear your "best" colors all the time because otherwise you weren't honoring God. It's actually the opposite of all this saggy/baggy "too holy to care how I look" thinking, taken to a different extreme of course, but I really don't think God is less pleased with me if I wear a color that isn't in my little portfolio of swatches.

That was probably Color Me Beautiful. These books were way before that, but somewhat similar concept!

I had that done as well, unfortunately the woman who did mine had some strange personal issue with kids wearing black and declared that my sisters and I should never wear black, but brown instead. 

Not so much. I wear LOTS of black. I can wear brown, but only if it's cool toned. Also she told my sisters and I all three of us were the same "season". We're not. At all. My middle sister can wear all kinds of warm colors that would make me look jaundiced.

Luckily, there weren't any sort of God-related shenanigans about it. I really don't think God cares much about what people wear, or what music they listen to, or most other things people go on about. Are you a good person? Not harming people? Showing love like Jesus said? Go on with your bad self.

 

 

2 minutes ago, SolomonFundy said:

Financially, it almost certainly made sense to keep the house and rent it. My assumption is that Jesse didn't enjoy his landlord experience (it's not a walk in the park 90% of the time), and/or that he wanted to decrease the likelihood of being forced to live on Steve Street for life. There's always Gigi's house, I guess. 

I hope Gigi lives a long, healthy life.

That said, if her house doesn't go to Sarah when she passes, they better have a really good reason for it, IMO.

I realized she's probably too brainwashed to even consider living alone, but really. She's creeping up on 40. She's long since been an adult. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

16 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

ITRW, we all know plenty of people who turn their backs on everything or at least some things from their upbringing, and seemingly no family gets by without this happening. It’s no great or revealing occurrence. I’m beginning to think we are just as brainwashed as the fundamentalists when we are still shocked when one of these offspring steps off the beaten path?! With the number of people we are talking about, it’s going to happen. HELL, Steve, Teri, Gil, KJ, JB, and Michelle ALL stepped off their families’ beaten paths. Why should/would some of their kids be any different?

Oh I expect it from every single larger than average fundie family we talk about on FJ. I just love the surprise of which one. Who will be first? Who will be next to follow? What will they do to rebel? I enjoy guessing and then seeing if I’m right a few years down the road.

[Sops2]

" We each got a little booklet about the size of a checkbook with swatches of our "best" colors in it, so when shopping we could easily choose the blouse or scarf that would look the best."

I  have my little booklet from well over 30 years ago- and still use it occasionally. We were given seasons according to our skin tones- I'm "spring into summer" It was really obvious what shades suited you best when they draped the scarves around you- some colours made your face just light up and glow, others made you washed out, pale and ill looking!

[SassyPants]

46 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Oh I expect it from every single larger than average fundie family we talk about on FJ. I just love the surprise of which one. Who will be first? Who will be next to follow? What will they do to rebel? I enjoy guessing and then seeing if I’m right a few years down the road.

I’m just surprised it doesn’t happen far more often. Sarah is late 30s, & I’m assuming that like Teri, she prefers solitude, peace and quiet. Anna is prime marrying age, and if how she presents is accurate, marriage and motherhood would really suit her. Eff Steve for not allowing that to happen.

This is a family in which every one of them deserves to rebel. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, SassyPants said:

I’m just surprised it doesn’t happen far more often. Sarah is late 30s, & I’m assuming that like Teri, she prefers solitude, peace and quiet. Anna is prime marrying age, and if how she presents is accurate, marriage and motherhood would really suit her. Eff Steve for not allowing that to happen.

This is a family in which every one of them deserves to rebel. 

Sarah has always struck me as emotionally fragile, although I really can't put my finger on why exactly.

Anna may wish to be married, but many people wish to be married at her age and haven't met anyone yet.  She is only a catch by the standards of a very small subset of fundies.  To everyone else she's a giant red flag given the pathological co-dependence in their family.  (and even if she would like to break away she's not in a position to telegraph that.)

Given how small the courting pool would be for her I could see her staying forever single even if Steve wasn't a huge obstacle (which he absolutely would be if there were someone in whom she was interested and it was mutual.)  

Mary, however, is (I think) still young enough to catch the eye of a younger guy also early 20's who might want to get married and play house without seeing how completely dysfunctional that family is.  

Bolded mine - I totally agree, but sadly you can't rebel without money and a means to support yourself.  Unless Anna and Mary were to leave the fold together and get by on lower paying jobs at first they'll both be as financially trapped as Sarah.

 

[Alisamer]

7 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Bolded mine - I totally agree, but sadly you can't rebel without money and a means to support yourself.  Unless Anna and Mary were to leave the fold together and get by on lower paying jobs at first they'll both be as financially trapped as Sarah.

 

It's pretty ridiculous that they are financially trapped. Sarah's written several books - that money should be hers. Anna has apparently worked for her brothers' businesses, she should have some money. I wouldn't expect either to have a ton, but living at home with all other expenses covered? They should have SOME. 

Things in Maxwell-land are so curated there's no telling what the truth is, but I find it hard to believe that the boys are all able to save up enough to buy a house debt-free, yet the girls are completely financially trapped. Why can't they buy themselves a house? Or move in with Gigi? Or get an apartment? Or anything at all, really. 

I know the answer is "Steve".

 But really. Even the two oldest Rod girls got to take and graduate from a Bible class. Have any of the Maxwell girls ever been shown to take a class? Art? Photography? A writing workshop? Anything?

[Lgirlrocks]

41 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

It's pretty ridiculous that they are financially trapped. Sarah's written several books - that money should be hers. Anna has apparently worked for her brothers' businesses, she should have some money. I wouldn't expect either to have a ton, but living at home with all other expenses covered? They should have SOME. 

Things in Maxwell-land are so curated there's no telling what the truth is, but I find it hard to believe that the boys are all able to save up enough to buy a house debt-free, yet the girls are completely financially trapped. Why can't they buy themselves a house? Or move in with Gigi? Or get an apartment? Or anything at all, really. 

I know the answer is "Steve".

 But really. Even the two oldest Rod girls got to take and graduate from a Bible class. Have any of the Maxwell girls ever been shown to take a class? Art? Photography? A writing workshop? Anything?

They claim they don’t want to. Sara wrote a whole post about it.