Maxwell 39: Like Sands Through an Hour Glass, so Are the Vests of Our Lives

[JermajestyDuggar]

13 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

This is why I think these types of family environments employ brainwashing tactics that might be considered abuse. Sarah is nearing 40 and her life’s activities are dictated by her father, WT ever loving H! This is not healthy at all- Jesse’s decisions are likely  even stressing the hell out of Steve and Teri, so the lifestyle isn’t even healthy for the rule makers!

I personally think almost all of the fundies we talk about on FJ employ emotional and spiritual abuse on their children. 

[usmcmom]

You know that feeling when you just want everybody to agree with you? And every time they respond with a positive comment it just makes you angrier? And you just want to respond with “Yeah, but...”? But you keep your mouth shut and silently resent them for taking the other side? 
 

That’s happening to Teri with the apartment post. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I like when patriarchy bites fundies in the butt.  Worship the adult penis holder in the home. Do everything he says. Because god. But then when a penisified child grows up, he gets to make all the decisions. 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

18 hours ago, kpmom said:

18 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Why do I think they will decide "East, West, home's best" and buy a bi-level down the street so they can "call" a "work party" and everyone will help redo it? After all we talk about how controlling Steveo is so maybe this is a year off from living there?

Or, maybe they'll get to like a bit of independence?  It's possible.

And Jesse was the last brother at home, so (assume) he had an actual bedroom to himself for a couple of years.  Who knows what he discovered he could get up to without prying Maxwell sibling eyes around!

I messed up my part of the post. I MEANT TO SAY that Since Steve reads here maybe he's playing with us and allowing this little show of independence to "prove" that they all "choose" to live there. Sorry!

[kpmom]

24 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

I messed up my part of the post. I MEANT TO SAY that Since Steve reads here maybe he's playing with us and allowing this little show of independence to "prove" that they all "choose" to live there. Sorry!

 I agree that they might very well end up back very near the fathership. 

It wouldn't shock me, especially once the babies start coming.

[Sister Mozz]

13 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

I actually thinks what chaps Steve's Depends most of all is that we found out about Jesse's move!

Yes, this!! I've been pondering why they would even make such a post, because it's so off-brand for them and clearly they are not happy about it. The only thing I can figure is that they felt pressured because Mama Craig spilled the beans and the snark sites already knew. Otherwise why not just say they had chosen to live in Kansas City? No need to mention the apartment at all.

[nvmbr02]

35 minutes ago, kpmom said:

 I agree that they might very well end up back very near the fathership. 

It wouldn't shock me, especially once the babies start coming.

It wouldn't shock me either. Having family help is a big deal if you plan on a million children. But at least they are going to have a little time away. 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I like when patriarchy bites fundies in the butt.  Worship the adult penis holder in the home. Do everything he says. Because god. But then when a penisified child grows up, he gets to make all the decisions. 

And I’ll be damned if this happens to just about all the fundies we discuss. DDillard is now Jill’s leader, and what he says goes, per JB, Gothard, Steve...I guess these idiots are so limited and narcissistic that they never considered that the male HS may not agree with Daddy Large and In Charge-

[HerNameIsBuffy]

11 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

And I’ll be damned if this happens to just about all the fundies we discuss. DDillard is now Jill’s leader, and what he says goes, per JB, Gothard, Steve...I guess these idiots are so limited and narcissistic that they never considered that the male HS may not agree with Daddy Large and In Charge-

Oh Steve considers it, that's why his daughters are home.  He doesn't trust an eternal HS to obey.

[usmcmom]

4 hours ago, nvmbr02 said:

It wouldn't shock me either. Having family help is a big deal if you plan on a million children. But at least they are going to have a little time away. 

This is why I wonder about John and Chelsy. If they move to Iowa, I don’t think they’ll have all the childcare help that they receive/will receive from the Maxwell sisters. 
 

 

[Melissa1977]

I don't understand what apartment life means. Yes an appartment is smaller than a house, but the private life or the young couple would be the same in both places.

What Teri ignores (or tries to fake) is that Jesse and Anna do not look for "appartment life" but for city life.

[anjulibai]

8 hours ago, fundiefan said:

Teri is always cold & short in her responses - most of them are. Rarely do they actually engage with any comment. 

But I definitely sense some bitterness in her responses to Jesse living in an apartment.

Here's the thing I can't wrap my head around - in what universe (other than Maxhell, obviously) does it freaking matter how your offspring choose to live? When there are not issues like addiction or refusal to work or abusive partners, what your grown, adult son chooses to do with his life is - well, his choice. Why did they have to even make a post about it? Why does it matter at all? 

In the world outside Maxhell, your offspring get married, you are happy for him/her, they are creating a life and home with their new spouse, you're looking forward to their future. 

Only in Maxhell is the fact that a grown adult son choosing to live in an apartment further than a mile from his parents something even worth mentioning.

It reflects badly on Steve, or at least he thinks it does. He did that whole post about why the Bible always includes a person's father's name being because a child is a reflection on the parent (of course I'm sure it doesn't occur to Steve that in a time before last names, calling someone by "son of X" or "daughter of Y" was a way to differentiate people with the same name). 

To Steve, Jesse living in an apartment is a mark against Steve. It goes against everything Steve has taught. I can only imagine how pissed off Steve is right now. 

Edited June 25, 2020 by anjulibai

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

@Melissa1977 I agree, city life and church that’s not in a nursing home run by Steve is the real issue here. Poor Sarah would actually have had a chance of meeting someone if she went to church where the members are not all 85 or related to her. 

[Dominionatrix]

@Melissa1977 I’d never heard the expression “apartment living” before, but I rather enjoy it. It’s tickled me these past days to realize how dynamic and adventurous my own life is; I’m apartment living!

[OhNoNike]

It’s an interesting move for sure. I love how in her post she says they wanted to try apartment life and felt the first year would be best.  I can’t imagine what their life is like.  The adult kids sit down with mom and dad and say how they discussed and planned and felt the first year would be best, etc. She writes this like she’s part of some intimate discussion with her grown kid. So weird!

ETA - I have read and re-read that bible verse she included and I have no idea what it means.  Anyone know?

Edited June 25, 2020 by OhNoNike

[IReallyAmHopewell]

6 hours ago, kpmom said:

 I agree that they might very well end up back very near the fathership. 

It wouldn't shock me, especially once the babies start coming.

Free nanny, housecleaners, cooks--that could be ok. Maybe a bi-level way at the other end of the subdivision?

[SPHASH]

15 hours ago, SolomonFundy said:

I would also resent the hell out of a standing family meal every week, but Jesse knows the score, and hopefully, 3nna has seen enough over the course of their courtship to realize that a single day of Maxwelling every week is a significant improvement over having them crawling all over the house every morning, noon, and night without warning. Steve has had the luxury of deploying his unmarried house-cleaning daughters for years to investigate the dark corners of their married siblings' lives. Good grief... just the knowledge that there won't be unlimited family access to their apartment because there are only two keys (probably) is a massive improvement.

Is there confirmation the Spinster Sisters show up at the brother's homes unannounced to clean?  I know they have pitched in for Melanie and 2nna when they were pregnant but I would hope they called them ahead to see when it was the best time to come over.

[usmcmom]

Jesse’s apartment brings back something I mentioned somewhat recently. The Maxwells fully expect their daughters-in-law to leave their families and live near Steve and Teri, while their manly sons are somehow not able to leave Mom and Dad. 
 

Now, they have a child that still lives less than an hour from them, but not within the compound walls,  and they seem barely able to talk about it.  Still, Anna is much further from her family while Jesse is close enough for weekly family dinners. 
 

The arrogance in their double standard just blows my mind and, again, it makes their sons look very weak and immature. 

[Bethy]

2 hours ago, BlessingsVonFundiePants said:

@Melissa1977 I agree, city life and church that’s not in a nursing home run by Steve is the real issue here. Poor Sarah would actually have had a chance of meeting someone if she went to church where the members are not all 85 or related to her. 

But they HAVE been attending a traditional church for Sunday evening services for who knows how long - we just didn't find out about it until they mentioned that they'd be heading there for Sunday mornings as well once Covid restrictions took hold at their nursing home. And still Poor Sarah is alone.

 

1 hour ago, usmcmom said:

Jesse’s apartment brings back something I mentioned somewhat recently. The Maxwells fully expect their daughters-in-law to leave their families and live near Steve and Teri, while their manly sons are somehow not able to leave Mom and Dad. 
 

Now, they have a child that still lives less than an hour from them, but not within the compound walls,  and they seem barely able to talk about it.  Still, Anna is much further from her family while Jesse is close enough for weekly family dinners. 
 

The arrogance in their double standard just blows my mind and, again, it makes their sons look very weak and immature. 

I've seen two very different schools of thought among fundies on this. One is the patriarchal view that the Maxes have held to up until now, and possibly still: the wife gives it all up and becomes a part of her husband's family, and if she's lucky maybe she gets to see her family once every few years. The other is that the sons are the ones to strike out "on their own" while the daughters are expected to stay closer to family (and also nurse aging parents, when the time comes) even after marriage.

[narsunet]

Does anyone watch 'Friends?' I keep thinking about the episode where Rachel's sister buys "apartment pants" ? I hope Anna has some ?

[Melissa1977]

7 hours ago, SPHASH said:

Is there confirmation the Spinster Sisters show up at the brother's homes unannounced to clean?  I know they have pitched in for Melanie and 2nna when they were pregnant but I would hope they called them ahead to see when it was the best time to come over.

Unannounced visits in Maxhell? Never! Schedule, schedule, schedule.

I think they only help with the cleaning when the pregnant SAHM is in need to rest. And considering that cleanings deserve a whole post every time it happens, I tend to think it's very occasional, not a routine. Also, I'm not sure they has helped Elissa or Chelsy. We have only seen them helping Melanie (risky pregnancies) and Anna Marie (varicose veins). I doubt 3nna would get any help with cleaning at all.

I've been also thinking about the free babysitting Maxwell offer. At that point, they are full with Christopher kids. And they are really bonded with Nathan's too. But, can Anna and Mary look after MORE nephews and nieces? I doubt it. Even remaining single, they are doing the cleaning, cooking, caring for aging parents, babysitting... Sarah and Teri are not going to help. So if Jesse is smart he must realise that staying in the neibourhood will have the bad part (control) without the benefit of the family help.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Jesse bought a home at a fairly young age and likely put a lot of work into it along with his sisters. I can’t blame him if he doesn’t feel like dealing with yardwork or maintenance of a home the first year of marriage. Apartment living is easier. His next home will likely be a fixer upper because Steve is so psycho about never having a mortgage. Then he will be very busy again. Chelsy and John couldn’t get around to putting up the door trim for years because Chelsy was pregnant then had a newborn. 

[daisyjane1234]

I, too, think the move away from the compound is the best thing for Jesse and Anna (I refuse to modify her name.  She does not deserve that).

As we know, Jesse, like all Maxwell's, has had his curiosity and critical learning stunted by his family.  My main hope for this next year is that the young couple spreads their wings, takes risks, and learns that life outside the compound is not akin to the pit of hell promised by Jesse's narcissistic and controlling father.  Like others have noted, what most impressed me is that they have openly declared that they need time to sort out where to live, and they do not wish to attend the same church as all other Maxwell's.  They are not following the rigid script set down by Steve, and followed by everyone else in the family.  That took some serious balls and I think Jesse and Anna deserve some serious respect.  I can only guess how difficult Steve is making it for them. He is so arrogant and sure that his way is the only way that he will stop at nothing to return the couple to their rightful place (under his thumb). I hope they have the strength to continue to forge their own path.

Edited June 26, 2020 by daisyjane1234

[IReallyAmHopewell]

20 minutes ago, daisyjane1234 said:

I, too, think the move away from the compound is the best thing for Jesse and Anna (I refuse to modify her name.  She does not deserve that).

As we know, Jesse, like all Maxwell's, has had his curiosity and critical learning stunted by his family.  My main hope for this next year is that the young couple spreads their wings, takes risks, and learns that life outside the compound is not akin to the pit of hell promised by Jesse's narcissistic and controlling father.  Like others have noted, what most impressed me is that they have openly declared that they need time to sort out where to live, and they do not wish to attend the same church as all other Maxwell's.  They are not following the rigid script set down by Steve, and followed by everyone else in the family.  That took some serious balls and I think Jesse and Anna deserve some serious respect.  I can only guess how difficult Steve is making it for them. He is so arrogant and sure that his way is the only way that he will stop at nothing to return the couple to their rightful place (under his thumb). I hope they have the strength to continue to forge their own path.

I agree, but can't get the "is this a trick being played on us?" out of my mind. Steve fighting back at us.

[fundiefan]

14 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

@Melissa1977 I’d never heard the expression “apartment living” before, but I rather enjoy it. It’s tickled me these past days to realize how dynamic and adventurous my own life is; I’m apartment living!

Me neither, at least not in the sense it's used in Maxhell context. Who knew it was a "thing" and how special I am for where I live. 

This comment makes my brain itch: 

Motherofmany says:

June 25, 2020 at 3:01 pm

My husband and I left our respective parents’ homes for the first time on the morning of our wedding day, got married in Uganda and moved to the Channel Islands in Britain where we had no family or friend. Nothing could have knit our hearts closer than knowing that through thick and thin, it was just God and us. 13 years and 5 babies later, we still cherish those early years “pioneering”. My husband praises God for having multiplied our numbers over time and we pray that He will send more. May God fill Jesse and Anna’s nursery abundantly.

So many directions, so many attempt to incorporate god, so many attempts at comparison. Because, Jesse & Anna living in an apartment in Kansas City is apparently just like "pioneering" and will make Jesse parise god for filling their nurseries later.