Maxwell 34: Vest Management While Climbing a 14er

[thoughtful]

11 hours ago, anachronistic said:

@thoughtful your spoof is amazing because the meter matches perfectly and that is really hard to do!

I bet when Steve reads them he will be jealous that he didn’t think of doing that first.

Thanks! I do try to make the meter, accented syllables and rhyme scheme match (and sometimes even specific rhymes and vowel sounds). This one was scarily easy to write, though - it sort of wrote itself, in about 15 minutes.

I wonder if Steve realizes how dour and death-obsessed he sounds, and would be horrified that I think that's his concept of Jesus. Maybe he thinks he's just a cheerful positive Christian, spreading joy! 

 

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know plenty of people with shitty in laws. But they get to avoid their in laws for the most part. But Melanie has to see the Maxwell’s all the damn time.

And they seem to create a Maxwellian pall over the compound, an atmosphere that must have everyone watching their every move and word. I wonder if the daughters-in-law feel free in their own homes when Teri and Steve and the singles aren't there, or still feel like they have to look over their shoulders. 

Edited December 29, 2019 by thoughtful
forgot something

[Odd1Out]

If this was mentioned I missed it, but I see in the caroling photos that Joseph and Elissa’s daughter is wearing pants (snow pants maybe) instead of leggings under skirt like Chris’ daughter. 

[Bethy]

The more I think about it, the more encouraged I am that N+M's family spends time with Mel's folks, Grace in particular. Why? Because from the tiny window we have in Grace's FB/IG story, I see an acceptance that doesn't exist in Maxhell. I don't imagine all the family members are supportive of all of Grace's career choices - some of her performance-related stuff looks risque even to people less fundie than the Maxwells - but she's still welcome in the family, loving on nieces and nephews. She's not scorned or spurned. Contrast that with Steve and Teri - how would they respond if one of their daughters left home, struck out on her own, moved to Nashville and performed secular music in booty shorts? I doubt she'd be welcome to come home, ever. N&M's kids are seeing the Mahers' acceptance in action. Maybe not often, but it's there. The seed is planted.

This also makes me wonder how things will turn out in Maxhell once Steve and Teri pass on and the brothers* don't have their parents as a unifying factor. There's already a visible difference in the level of strictness between the cousins, particularly in dress. Christopher seems to be drinking Steve's legalistic kool-aid by the gallon, but Nate seems a little more relaxed and John far more so. (Joseph is a wild card, since we see his family so little on the blog.) Will they begin "cutting off" the siblings who don't fall in line, in an attempt to "keep their children's hearts" and help them avoid the temptation of spending time with a cousin who's allowed to tuck her frumper INTO her snow pants or who might be permitted to spend more than 15 minutes a day working on puzzles?

 

*I say brothers because if the sisters are married, they'd be subject to their own headships' decisions on who to associate with, and if they're not, then they're subject to whichever brother they got bequeathed to.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

5 hours ago, jeansonly said:

I have a screenshot on my phone, but a) it's blurry as it's from a video and b) I'm not sure how to post a picture.  I'll try to figure it out.  I took it as I think FB stories disappear.  

Well, now that I see this I am wondering if or when Coward Steve hears/sees this how he is going to react. I imagine him calling Nathan and scolding him for allowing his wife to dress in such a scandalous way. Not to mention the fact that Tina is wearing pants. Then Nathan is going to apologize for harming the good Maxwell name.

Which if that happens then screw you Steve! You can't control your daughter-in-laws life and her family. If they want to dress outside *your* standards when they are not around, then they are going to. I can see Steve and Teri seeing this post and having a total melt down followed by very subjective blog posts and Teri and Steve's separate newsletters they have. 

This sounds a little crazy and off subject. But after seeing this and typing above I wonder if it was one Maxwell daughter-in-laws cousins, siblings, and/or friends who wore the bathing suit that lead to the infamous scandalized bathing suit post from Steve. After all don't Nathan and Melanie and Christopher and NR Anna (I don't see anyone close to either Chris or Anna, more Nathan and Melanie, but who knows) live within walking distance of the Maxwell house. Doesn't Joseph and Elissa live a quick drive away? I don't see anyone close to John and Chelsy who would dress in a bathing suit (that is just my opinion). This is just a conspiracy theory thought that popped into my head. If so, then Steve and Teri are going to continue making wedges with their in-laws and their family. 

[Odd1Out]

6 hours ago, jeansonly said:

I have a screenshot on my phone, but a) it's blurry as it's from a video and b) I'm not sure how to post a picture.  I'll try to figure it out.  I took it as I think FB stories disappear.  

This picture gave me hope that N&M let the girls dress in pants when not with the main Maxwell family ( which , if so, would be puzzling) but when I saw the Christmas video on Grace’s IG , along with still photos, the M girls are all wearing skirts or skirts over leggings which they do a lot. 
but it is great that they do get to hang out with Grace and hopefully know she would help them out if they want to do their own thing when they’re grown. 

[Bethy]

13 hours ago, Odd1Out said:

This picture gave me hope that N&M let the girls dress in pants when not with the main Maxwell family

This is possible - remember all we "see" of N&M's family is what is posted on the blog. It's entirely possible that when they're going to T&S's, or when family is coming over to clean or whatever, that they make sure to dress the part. We've seen the same with Chelsy - how she dressed on her own blog vs. how she dressed in meetups with the Maxwells, even before they were married, was different.

WHOA - CRASHING MY OWN PARTY TO SAY, everybody get over to Chelsy's blog, stat. Announcement AND she's wearing jeans. In a photo shoot done by Sarah. It's gonna break the internet. GO NOW!

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 minutes ago, Bethy said:

This is possible - remember all we "see" of N&M's family is what is posted on the blog. It's entirely possible that when they're going to T&S's, or when family is coming over to clean or whatever, that they make sure to dress the part. We've seen the same with Chelsy - how she dressed on her own blog vs. how she dressed in meetups with the Maxwells, even before they were married, was different.

WHOA - CRASHING MY OWN PARTY TO SAY, everybody get over to Chelsy's blog, stat. Announcement AND she's wearing jeans. In a photo shoot done by Sarah. It's gonna break the internet. GO NOW!

She's wearing a dress over her jeans though, isn't that Maxwell approved?

The little definitely has Johns eyes - kinda leap right out at you.  He's a cute baby.

ETA "sister in love" is a nauseating phrase and definitely comes off as over compensating for something.

Edited December 29, 2019 by HerNameIsBuffy

[Coconut Flan]

Chelsy's pants and the announcement are being discussed on their thread. 

[Bethy]

1 minute ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

She's wearing a dress over her jeans though, isn't that Maxwell approved?

The little definitely has Johns eyes - kinda leap right out at you.  He's a cute baby.

No. It's not. I went into more detail on the John and Chelsy thread, but this is absolutely groundbreaking for Maxhell.

[FloraDoraDolly]

20 hours ago, Odd1Out said:

This picture gave me hope that N&M let the girls dress in pants when not with the main Maxwell family ( which , if so, would be puzzling) but when I saw the Christmas video on Grace’s IG , along with still photos, the M girls are all wearing skirts or skirts over leggings which they do a lot. 
but it is great that they do get to hang out with Grace and hopefully know she would help them out if they want to do their own thing when they’re grown. 

Hopefully, those kids also have some kind of a social life that we don't get to see on the Maxwell blog, even if it's just chilling with the kids from Bible Bee or a homeschooling group. Abbie in particular looks totally bored by the Maxwell family activities, which are all aimed at little kids. That girl needs some friends her own age.

[mango_fandango]

Whilst scrolling through the Maxblog, I found this photo in the recent random life post. I’m trying to work out if Tina’s wearing the same outfit in this photo as in the IG screenshot. 
 

 

There have been a couple of photos on the blog where it looks a bit like one of the granddaughters was wearing a t-shirt/pants outfit, but then had a dress put on over the top to visit S and T. For example, in this photo of Deborah I can’t work out if she was wearing a top (or bodysuit type thing), pants and a cardigan and then had the dress put on top for a visit to the mothership. I’d put the cardigan on over the dress, but that’s just me and it’s a fairly thin cardigan anyway. 
 

[jeansonly]

How damn cold do they keep that house that a baby has to wear that much clothing?  I'm roasting just thinking about wearing that much clothing.  But we do suspect the house is pretty chilly so hopefully Deborah is comfortable.

[usmcmom]

That picture of Deborah is the one that gave me a severe attack of the snarks because all those mismatched layers make her look like a Rodrigues baby. I seriously do not know what’s going on with those tiny clothes. 

[Bethy]

Forgive me if this has been discussed before (I've lurked for years and I don't recall seeing it)...

Is it possible that Christopher's extreme uptightness is a desperate attempt to get positive attention from his parents? We know from a birthday post Sarah put up years ago that Christopher was quite a little hellion - IIRC he was threatened with being expelled from preschool, even - and maybe I'm projecting because I was kind of viewed as the "bad seed" of my family as a child and I can see ways I've overcompensated as an adult, but I'm wondering if CMax is doing the same thing. Look at the way his life has played out:

• Courtship? Make mine no-touch.
• Skirts only for the wimminfolk? We'll sew up some calico prairie frumpers for mine! And they'll wear their snow pants UNDER their frumpers.
• Long hair for the wimmin? Waist-length will be fine (and we'll stress about maybe having to cut it when they get lice, but the Nice Lice Lady says we don't have to - whew!)
• Homeschool? But of course! And we'll use Rod and Staff. Because it's stricter than that liberal A Beka stuff.
• Scheduling? I'll schedule us so hard we can't even discuss baby names until that 15-minute block arrives.

He's almost tied with Nathan (who's been married for like seven years longer) for children, so he can check that box, and given NR-Anna's age and history, I'll be very surprised if he doesn't have ten by the time it's all said and done. No short hair or short skirts like N&M allow. No jeans (the horror!) like we just saw on Chelsy. He bought* his parents' house which is at least big enough to store eight kids, so he won't struggle like Joe and John may as their families grow and they need a bigger place, and it's in the backyard so he's not going anywhere.

You know, basically just being the Maxwellest Maxwell who ever Maxwelled.

 

*I say "bought" because I have no idea if he paid fair market value for it or not. If he didn't, his parents gave him a NICE head start on living his best Maxwell life, because maybe he would've only been able to afford a split-foyer like his brothers if he were left to his own devices.

[thoughtful]

I like a quiet New Year's Eve at home, so I don't think that everyone needs to be out carousing tonight. But, if the Maxwells still keep their New Year's Eve tradition of wailing and praying for sinners, I have this to say:

When the bells all ring and the horns all blow,
And the couples they shun enjoy their dinners,
What will Maxwells do? They’ll all be weeping for the sinners.

I know their lives are steeped in death and shame,
Oh, but I thought I'd ask this just the same
Why are they wasting New Year's?
New Year's eve?

Why do they cry when things can be so bright?
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night,
They always ruin New Year
New Year's eve.

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
Instead of mourning, in the throes
Of Daddy’s morbid invocation,
They’d shun Steve.

Oh, how I wish there was one little chance
Maxwells would laugh, play cards, or even dance!
Why are they wasting New Year's?
New Year's Eve?

 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I like a quiet New Year's Eve at home, so I don't think that everyone needs to be out carousing tonight. But, if the Maxwells still keep their New Year's Eve tradition of wailing and praying for sinners, I have this to say:

When the bells all ring and the horns all blow,
And the couples they shun enjoy their dinners,
What will Maxwell’s do? They’ll all be weeping for the sinners.

I know their lives are steeped in death and shame,
Oh, but I thought I'd ask this just the same
Why are they wasting New Year's?
New Year's eve?

Why do they cry when things can be so bright?
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night,
They always ruin New Year
New Year's eve.

Maybe I'm crazy to suppose
Instead of mourning, in the throes
Of Daddy’s morbid invocation,
They’d shun Steve.

Oh, how I wish there was one little chance
Maxwells would laugh, play cards, or even dance!
Why are they wasting New Year's?
New Year's Eve?

 

 

 

i need an applause upvote.

[PennySycamore]

I read/sang that in my head in Queen Latifah's voice.  She sings "What are You Doing New Year's Eve?" on Rod Stewart's Christmas Album.  

That picture of Ella and Marilyn Monroe together reminds me of the story that Marilyn lobbied the Mocambo nightclub in Hollywood for Ella to appear. I can't remember the details offhand, but I think Marilyn threatened to boycott the club unless Ella could sing there.  The story is not supposed to be true, but I think there's at least a grain of truth there.  Even if Eartha Kitt and Joyce Bryant had appeared earlier than Ella did, they were slim and sexy unlike Ella who was pretty, but not a stunner like the other women.  Oh, that voice, though.  Ella's voice was what was stunning about her!

[scoutsadie]

In case you missed it, Chelsy and John are expecting a baby this summer:

[And I totally started to type "John and Chelsy" but changed it on purpose, because a.) she's doing the hard work right now, and b.) it would probably annoy Stevehovah (Hi, Steve! you suck!).]

Also, AxMax is one of the cutest babies I've ever seen.

Edited January 2, 2020 by scoutsadie
accurate punctuation helps us all

[mango_fandango]

So the Maxwell New Year’s post has Sarah asking for blog post ideas... and someone commented “Tips for single ladies at home”.

I reckon the answer will essentially involve being content in the Lord, living within a mile of your relatives so you can pretend to be “busy” with “Aunties’ Playtime” and babysitting/housecleaning duties, and writing shit children’s books. 

[Elegant Mess]

51 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

So the Maxwell New Year’s post has Sarah asking for blog post ideas... and someone commented “Tips for single ladies at home”.

Please let 2020 be the year that we see the much-anticipated "pizza cutter for lettuce" post!  

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On the epic Maxwell Pantsgate, I am surprised that Nathan lets Melanie and his daughters wear pants, even leggings. Chelsy had mentioned that the Bontrager's are okay with women and girls wearing pants. I wonder if the Maxwell Pantsgate of 2019 (just a term I made up) started shortly after Chelsy married John. After all, she has been shaking a few things up in Maxhell, like giving a recipe that is actually good (yes, I did try the stuffed mushrooms and loved them), continue to blog, and do things her way rather than the Maxwell way like traveling with Axton to go see family w/o John. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Chelsy has even worn shorts swimming. Gasp! 

[Eternalbluepearl]

Do fundies ever realize they are mired in low hanging fruit (is it okay to wear pants?! One family is okay with it, one family isn't, should baby girls have skirts on? Are leggings....okay???) rather than far more intelligent and important topics? Do they ever notice that? It baffles me, truly. Perhaps these low hanging fruit ideas are there to distract and occupy one's time so they don't think for themselves. But I, a woman, DID wear my pants right to college where I've learned higher thought and to question. I wish higher thought and questioning for all fundies this year. Amen. 

[MamaJunebug]

“There's already a visible difference in the level of strictnessbetween the cousins, particularly in dress. Christopher seems to be drinking Steve's legalistic kool-aid by the gallon, but Nate seems a little more relaxed and John far more so. (Joseph is a wild card, since we see his ...”

Remember NRAnna’s influence. We’ve seen and heard where many fundie families get dragged into it by mamma, and NRA obviously marinated in the kook-aid as a child and young pre-married woman.

Either Abby or Bethy received a doctor’s playset one Christmas - does anyone else remember? We figured it was a gift from a Maher, especially as Mel’s dad is a doctor of chiropractic.  

And - I’m In a reflective mood - some young females like wearing skirts. I remember I did, twirling in them, etc.  So, Tina wearing one over leggings at a Maher family Christmastime gathering doesn’t mean, necessarily, that her folks have her in Stevian thrall. 

(Optimism is one of my resolutions. Can you tell?)

[Hane]

@MamaJunebug, you said “kook-aid.” ?Please don’t change it!