Josiah and Lauren 12: Usual Duggar Social Media and Drift

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@VelociRaptureglad the little one is OK.  My friends son fell off her bed when he was about 11 months old (he climbed up and fell off) and bonked his head on the hardwood floor she took him into the UC and the doc that checked him out said he was fine and that  babies/toddlers bounce. He told her that basically they are built to withstand tumbles and falls because they are so accident prone, but it won't hurt to have them checked out when they do take a hard knock to the head. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

8 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

My friends son fell off her bed when he was about 11 months old (he climbed up and fell off) and bonked his head on the hardwood floor she took him into the UC and the doc that checked him out said he was fine and that  babies/toddlers bounce.

GryffindorDisappointment fell off my bed when she was ~18 months old. I was folding laundry and she was "helping" me. Then she decided to flop down and roll around - and she rolled smooth off the bed and landed on her forehead on the concrete floor (apartment building in Germany - concrete walls/floors/ceilings). HUGE goose egg. Took her over to the clinic, where they promptly stripped her footed sleeper off and checked her over for signs of abuse. WTF. I was appalled. The nurse on duty (actually a friend of ours) told me they were required to check children with "bumps and bruises" for abuse. She apologized for having to do that, but I think it's actually OK - especially if they intervene if they find signs of abuse on children.

 

Anyway - she was fine. Kids do bounce, mostly.

[VelociRapture]

10 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@VelociRaptureglad the little one is OK.  My friends son fell off her bed when he was about 11 months old (he climbed up and fell off) and bonked his head on the hardwood floor she took him into the UC and the doc that checked him out said he was fine and that  babies/toddlers bounce. He told her that basically they are built to withstand tumbles and falls because they are so accident prone, but it won't hurt to have them checked out when they do take a hard knock to the head. 

Aw thank you! She was fussy overnight, but did fine after we gave her some Tylenol and sat up with her for an hour. I haven’t gotten middle of the night snuggles for a while - especially with my husband there to make silly faces with Velocitoddler - so that was nice. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

I spent the afternoon with SeaFilly2(17) at the hospital because she was hit in the head with a rogue Frisbee. 

The staff  made her do the field sobriety tests and we were sent home with a list of "if this happens call an ambulance" . They didn't want to do any scans unless her condition deteriorated but they were of the opinion that she was unharmed but needed an eye kept on her for the next 48 hours. So she gets tomorrow off school.

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I spent the afternoon with SeaFilly2(17) at the hospital because she was hit in the head with a rogue Frisbee. 

I hope the filly is OK!  

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

12 hours ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I spent the afternoon with SeaFilly2(17) at the hospital because she was hit in the head with a rogue Frisbee. 

The staff  made her do the field sobriety tests and we were sent home with a list of "if this happens call an ambulance" . They didn't want to do any scans unless her condition deteriorated but they were of the opinion that she was unharmed but needed an eye kept on her for the next 48 hours. So she gets tomorrow off school.

How is she feeling now?

[Seahorse Wrangler]

@SapphireSlytherin and @SassyPants

She's fine but has a small bruise above her eye-brow.  Apparently ice-cream works wonders in curing bruises. She's been doing some of her homework and a friend is coming over later with the classwork she missed.

[rainbowbabycakes]

On 11/29/2018 at 9:02 PM, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I spent the afternoon with SeaFilly2(17) at the hospital because she was hit in the head with a rogue Frisbee. 

The staff  made her do the field sobriety tests and we were sent home with a list of "if this happens call an ambulance" . They didn't want to do any scans unless her condition deteriorated but they were of the opinion that she was unharmed but needed an eye kept on her for the next 48 hours. So she gets tomorrow off school.

that's kind of what happened to my son last year when he was 10. He got hit, just right apparently, on the top of the head with a playground ball at daycare. I worked there, and was actually on the playground when it happened. It hurt, but I didn't think much of it, because how much damage can a rubber kick ball do?

I was late getting off, and we were running late for church, so hit a drive through on the way there. By the time we got to church, he said he had a head ache (understandably), and was nauseous (I assumed he was hungry, and a bit car sick).

We made it into church, and not 15 minutes later, his teacher brought him to me. He was just kind of out of it, and not being him, so she asked him if he felt ok, and he told her what happened. She's a nurse, and told me I needed to take him to the ER... By the time we got there (maybe a 15 minute drive?) he was slurring his words. They did all the "field sobriety tests" (I love that, lol),  and told me he had a mild concussion. He got the next day off of school, and they also put him on  "brain rest" for the rest of the week, which, among other things, meant very limited screen time. 

 

I'm glad we were headed to church, because I never would have thought that a concussion could come from a playground ball!

[Mama Mia]

On 11/26/2018 at 12:21 AM, SorenaJ said:

At the schools I went to after age 14, we didn't have a school nurse. I wouldn't even know what to use them for. If you got ill while at school, you went home/went to your room in case of boarding school. If you had pain, you took painkillers that you brought from home. 

At 6-14 we had a health visitor working at the school, who would weigh us and measure our heights once a year. She also met with all the girls once to talk about periods. 

Kids aren’t allowed to bring pain killers / medication to school anymore, at least in my state in the U.S.  . Back a million years ago when I was in school , we had a “nurses office” with a bed to lie on and basic first aid supplies, but now that I think of it - I don’t recall seeing any actual nurses ! Just whoever was in the office would take your temperature or give you a bandaid. Huh, never realized that until this second ?

Some of my kids went to a high school that had a full clinic, that offered basic health care, and a full range of birth control. The others had a similar set up to mine - there was likely a district nurse, but just a sick room at school, administrated by the office staff. The district nurses, IME,  tend to work somewhat more like social workers - being called in to help coordinate services, obtain health care coverage, that sort of thing.

Years ago my 6 year old, EXTREMELY hyperactive, non-stop moving, kid fell of the climbing structure at after-school care. He was a definite frequent flyer at the ER. The care providers didn’t call us. When my husband went to pick him up after work - about 3 hours after he fell- he was lying in a corner, absolutely quiet and still except for whimpering (  this kid was NEVER quiet and still ) .his arm was BENT and clearly Broken! The day care worker tried to brush it off with “ oh, I thought he was fine” !! I am still livid when I think about it. 

[InTheNameofRufus]

Head injuries are no joke. 2 years ago, at age 12, my younger son got hit with a line drive while pitching in a baseball game. He went down immediately, was dizzy and nauseous. I took him right to the ER. Diagnosed with a concussion (even I could figure that out). He missed three days of school, was not allowed screen time of any kind until his symptoms cleared. It took 2 MONTHS until the dizziness went away. Keep a 12 year old away from screens for that long.  He also couldn’t play any type of sports or participate in gym class. It was hell. Now he has to wear a batting helmet if he pitches. I get no arguments over it, he definitely never wants to go through that again. 

[cascarones]

I only see stress with 'Siah and Lauren. I think the it's reasonable to assume Josiah and Lauren are going through an adjustment period as newlyweds in a weird living situation in a large, mysteriously unfinished home. 

I'm rereading Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier, since I heard it's coming to Netflix, so please excuse me.

Honestly though, it's a whale ton of change for both of them and I doubt living in a sectioned off piece of a left empty JB real estate investment is helping things. I'm unsure if it was free or very reduced rent as a gift, but a free burden is still a burden.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@cascarones i think their issues go beyond adjusting to married life, they were uncomfortable with each other prior to getting married. I really do think this was some sort of unhappy unwanted marital arraignment. 

[habert]

I just saw their wedding episode. I don’t think it was necessarily arranged and unwanted, but it does seem so ill advised. Lauren’s youth really comes through because it feels like she’s excited to be loved and likes Josiah enough because Josiah likes her. And, frankly, when you’re a teen and it’s your first boyfriend, that’s like 99% of everyone’s experiences. 

I don’t get the same foreboding with Joe and Kendra because they seem to be the same kind of, for lack of a better word, dumb. Joe seems truly endeared. They seem (and I know this is just conjecture, what do we know) like they are going to be happy with a simple life, so they’re building a simple life together. A home filled with kids and church on Sunday is what they need to be content, and content is bliss for them! And I don’t think that’s wrong, different people need and want different things and that’s cool.

But I don’t think Josiah and Lauren want a simple life. And Josiah seems attracted and likes Lauren, but I’m not convinced he’s smitten or endeared to her like Joe is with Kendra. 

I do think all these couples are going to have major problems down the road. But Josiah/Lauren are the first I’m like “I don’t get it?” Even awkward Jill and Derrick I “got” the interest to marry for both. But these two I don’t understand how either set of parent’s were happy or what the spark is between these two (beyond the fact that these parents don’t care, and of course that we don’t know what goes on when the camera is off).

[feministxtian]

I remember being all up and ready to marry my first boyfriend. I ended up breaking up with him in about 6 months. It would have been a disaster (as is my track record with relationships anyway). 

These kids all marrying the first person they have a relationship with is, mostly, a recipe for disaster (I know, I know, there are high school sweethearts who have made it 20, 30, 40 years). With these kids, they go from being a child to being an adult like overnight. I don't think that these kids have been able to really adjust (especially the boys) to this instant adulthood. It might be easier for the girls because they go from one headship to another and never really become independent. The boys are expected to go from an obedient child to full fledged adult in minutes. The only ones who may stand a chance are JD and Abbie. I mean, Josh went from child to husband in seconds and we see how well that's worked out. If anything, the boys have been more sheltered than the girls in many ways, no real education (I'm talking about a standard high-school education here), no real job/career path (marketable job skills/apprenticeship/college/whatever) and when big daddy JB's $$ runs out these boys especially are going to be up shit's creek. The girls may fare better depending on their new headships, but...still. 

I really think these marriages are all different recipes for disaster. We'll see in 10 years or so. 

[SassyPants]

11 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

 

I really think these marriages are all different recipes for disaster. We'll see in 10 years or so. 

Either that or a lifetime of unhappiness-

[feministxtian]

Just now, SassyPants said:

Either that or a lifetime of unhappiness-

I consider long-term unhappiness/misery a disaster too. I'm not saying that marriage should be just unending bliss (because it isn't) but these kids have NO IDEA who THEY are...and have no incentive to find out, so they basically stay perpetual children emotionally/spiritually/intellectually. 

[samurai_sarah]

22 hours ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

@SapphireSlytherin and @SassyPants

She's fine but has a small bruise above her eye-brow.  Apparently ice-cream works wonders in curing bruises. She's been doing some of her homework and a friend is coming over later with the classwork she missed.

Glad to hear your daughter is doing well.

Reminds me of an ex of mine. I was his "resident nurse for easily curable ailments" (my parents used to be medical professionals). Whenever he had a cold, a bruise, or well, a case of the sniffles- my powers don't extend beyond that- he would ask my expert opinion on the healing properties of chocolate. I always assured him that chocolate was an excellent remedy!

I wasn't even lying! As far as I know, chocolate does nothing to cure the common cold, but it kept my patient happy and in good spirits. That, I'm fairly sure at least helps with the recovery process psychologically, because it made him less miserable. So, I think there's something to be said for ice-cream working wonders in curing bruises.

 

[cascarones]

22 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

really do think this was some sort of unhappy unwanted marital arraignment. 

Yes, you've made that clear. I just prefer to look at the information we have available and is more fact than speculation based.

Given the ages of married and unmarried Duggars there's nothing to indicate they force their adult children to marry.

JD, formerly known as bachelor to the rapture, is right there in the same family structure and years older at his wedding. 

Dating with a purpose of marriage, courtship, is encouraged and we've seen with Josiah doesn't always end in success. That is disappointing and probably heartbreaking for the couple involved like any breakup, but demonstrably accepted in fundie land far more than divorce is.

Bill Gothard, the shining example of the most Godly man they followed, has chosen to remain unmarried all of his life and that is an option within their realm if one is called to it.

 

[just_ordinary]

I actually think Josiah and Lauren will do just fine. Not in a hyper passionate and romantic way though. I believe they have found real companionship with each other. Their marriage strikes me as a very conscious decision. I believe there are reasons why they are together and decided to marry. 

I actually think most of them won’t ever realise if they have a marriage most of us here wouldn’t like. First of all, their very concept of marriage and roles is so different and secondly this women finally are treated as adults, fulfill what they believe is their calling, and are able to grow (at least more than by staying at home). My guess is they will be all happy enough as far as they realise it.

[lexiloumarie]

For pretty much all the fundie families we follow, the bigger pressure will be the societal pressure of the the community they are in.

I don't think anyones parents has said "you must marry this person" as much as it's watching peers and church members either marry young or turn down opportunities only to not have many more. I'm sure for all the Sarah Mallys and Sarah Maxwelle we see, there are more within their home churches that we don't know about. They only see the Browns and the Tsantles, etc who have all the babies for Jesus. They are young adults who want to be given independence and to meet their parents hopes and dreams for them. It makes fundies kidults a lot more likely to marry partners who are available when presented with the possibility that might not be ideal matches. 

But I've seen people in the secular world make decisions for marriage for pretty similar reasons - and with a lot more "life experience." 

 

In the end, the Lauren and Josiah type couples (who if Fjers are right ) that don't perfectly mesh will spend their time working on a marriage many others wouldn't have considered. 

[Vivi_music]

46 minutes ago, lexiloumarie said:

For pretty much all the fundie families we follow, the bigger pressure will be the societal pressure of the the community they are in.

I don't think anyones parents has said "you must marry this person" as much as it's watching peers and church members either marry young or turn down opportunities only to not have many more. I'm sure for all the Sarah Mallys and Sarah Maxwelle we see, there are more within their home churches that we don't know about. They only see the Browns and the Tsantles, etc who have all the babies for Jesus. They are young adults who want to be given independence and to meet their parents hopes and dreams for them. It makes fundies kidults a lot more likely to marry partners who are available when presented with the possibility that might not be ideal matches. 

But I've seen people in the secular world make decisions for marriage for pretty similar reasons - and with a lot more "life experience." 

 

In the end, the Lauren and Josiah type couples (who if Fjers are right ) that don't perfectly mesh will spend their time working on a marriage many others wouldn't have considered. 

I think you have hit the right note. I see it in a similar way.

I don't think they are are ever forced, or pushed to marry. But the social pressure must be there (heck! It is even present in secular society- remarks like ''You are still single? Didn't find the right one yet?''). Some of the young people must feel it is very important for them to reach those milestones like they are supposed to and like they see their peers do. And if they don't, they fear being seen as abnormal or just different. I dare say, this pressure is often self-induced. Some people can be very hard on themselves. And like in the real world, I suppose some of these young adults can brush the pressure off and bear with it better. That is why I see people like John-David maybe waiting longer.

In my personal opinion (which is certainly only based on what we saw on TV, and maybe not near reality - who knows), I see Josiah and Lauren's wedding a bit for those reasons. They found someone within their fundie-circle, in the same age-range, they find them cute and attractive enough and they think they can get along just fine, and there you go.

And like you said, it is not unique to the fundie-world. I know a few non-fundie people with a similar mentality. I just wonder if it is more common within the fundie world?

[cascarones]

1 hour ago, lexiloumarie said:

 It makes fundies kidults a lot more likely to marry partners who are available when presented with the possibility that might not be ideal matches. 

I agree with this and I get it, my early twenties was bridesmaid time and agree with part of it being self-induced pressure. If my LTR at the time had asked I would have said yes, climbed on the bandwagon and gone merrily on. None of the marriages were unwanted by the young of various faith individuals, none took the decision lightly or simply as an exit route from overbearing parents they were still going to have in their lives due to financial dependence.

Unwanted is the word from the original post that stuck out to me to specifically imply family pressure. Josiah and Lauren wanted to get married to each other, maybe not as visibly enthusiastic as other couples, but I do truly think they made the decision based on their own free will.

 

[kmachete14]

5 hours ago, Vivi_music said:

They found someone within their fundie-circle, in the same age-range, they find them cute and attractive enough and they think they can get along just fine, and there you go.

 

It seems to me that to most Fundies, this is really all you need. Because of "Biblical roles," they don't even need to "get along" that well, just each perform their function. Any "Christian man" and "Christian woman" could make the marriage work as long as:

- she submits to all his whims, cooks/cleans, homeschools the kids, & has sweet fellowship on demand

- he has a job, reads the Bible to his wife and kids, makes sure they all go to church, and tells everyone else what to do.

From what we have seen on the show, speculations aside, Lauren thinks Josiah is cute, funny, and a good leader. Josiah thinks Lauren is just like his mother, whom he loves. That's all they need. And, they are encouraged to marry young to fight sexual temptation, take advantage of peak fertility, and because usually their parents can't afford them anymore! (not that the last one really applied to Josiah & Lauren).

[BachelorToTheRapture]

I think it's possible that Josiah married someone who is okay, not great for him because he really likes her family and wants them as in-laws. This happens to non fundies too ( I stayed with my ex way too long in large part due to his family). It may not be what happened here, it could just be a nice benefit that he seems to like her family (especially her dad) so much, but while we're speculating i want to add another theory

[Flossie]

That happened to a man my husband used to work with.  The man's teenage daughter went through the usual boyfriend of the month thing until her last year of high school and then brought home her dads new best friend.  Those two got along so well that it took awhile before people started to realize that the relationship between the young people was actually more of a threesome as the boyfriend and the dad spent more and more time together.

Eventually the daughter broke up with the guy and her father would come to work all glum and say "I have to be there for her, and I am.  She doesn't even have anything bad to say about him except that he's not the guy for her.  I wish someone was there for me, too.  That young man would have been the perfect son in law."

Her next boyfriend was the one she married, and although her father thought he was a good guy, it wasn't the same.  This new guy didn't like to hunt, fish, work on cars, hike, watch action movies, etc.  He preferred to read and hold long conversations about politics and spirituality, and cooking gourmet meals.  When they got their first home that had a lawn her father bought them a lawn mower, took it to them and showed them how to use it.  Then he heard it broke down so he went over to check it out.  It'd run out of gas.  On the other hand, he admitted his daughter never seemed happier, and that was more important than anything else.