Josiah and Lauren 12: Usual Duggar Social Media and Drift

[nastyhobbitses]

On 11/29/2018 at 12:54 PM, SapphireSlytherin said:

GryffindorDisappointment fell off my bed when she was ~18 months old. I was folding laundry and she was "helping" me. Then she decided to flop down and roll around - and she rolled smooth off the bed and landed on her forehead on the concrete floor (apartment building in Germany - concrete walls/floors/ceilings). HUGE goose egg. Took her over to the clinic, where they promptly stripped her footed sleeper off and checked her over for signs of abuse. WTF. I was appalled. The nurse on duty (actually a friend of ours) told me they were required to check children with "bumps and bruises" for abuse. She apologized for having to do that, but I think it's actually OK - especially if they intervene if they find signs of abuse on children.

 

Anyway - she was fine. Kids do bounce, mostly.

I remember that when I did Taekwondo, which resulted in a whole lotta bruises (and I bruise super easily and have fair skin, so I often look a lot more banged up than I actually am), a teacher who didn't know what sport I did took me aside and asked me if everything was OK at home. I'm glad she asked and that her radar was attuned to finding signs of abuse, but yeah, I just really sucked at sparring. 

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I remember that when I did Taekwondo, which resulted in a whole lotta bruises (and I bruise super easily and have fair skin, so I often look a lot more banged up than I actually am)

(But seriously, good for your teacher for making sure everything was okay!)

 

[DundeeUnFundie]

3 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I remember that when I did Taekwondo, which resulted in a whole lotta bruises (and I bruise super easily and have fair skin, so I often look a lot more banged up than I actually am), a teacher who didn't know what sport I did took me aside and asked me if everything was OK at home. I'm glad she asked and that her radar was attuned to finding signs of abuse, but yeah, I just really sucked at sparring. 

This happened to my boss, took up some form of martial arts. She kept showing up with odd bruises after she recently married and I was getting a little concerned. Then one day mentioned how tired she was after a lesson or fight of some kind, and it all clicked into place!

[Icea]

11 hours ago, BachelorToTheRapture said:

I think it's possible that Josiah married someone who is okay, not great for him because he really likes her family and wants them as in-laws. This happens to non fundies too ( I stayed with my ex way too long in large part due to his family). It may not be what happened here, it could just be a nice benefit that he seems to like her family (especially her dad) so much, but while we're speculating i want to add another theory

That’s exactly what I was going to write. In my opinion, the moments Josiah have been the most relaxed have been the ones we’ve seen of him together with Lauren’s family. Lauren’s youngest sister clearly adores Josiah and the rest of the family really seem to like him and look up to him as well. 

I also think that may be why Josiah isn’t ”the prankster” anymore - when he was just a part of the Duggar collective he needed that personality in order to stand out and be memorable, not just to viewers but in his family as well. Now that he’s become a part of the Swanson family, he doesn’t have to, because they (seem to) value him for who he is.

[Carm_88]

11 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I remember that when I did Taekwondo, which resulted in a whole lotta bruises (and I bruise super easily and have fair skin, so I often look a lot more banged up than I actually am), a teacher who didn't know what sport I did took me aside and asked me if everything was OK at home. I'm glad she asked and that her radar was attuned to finding signs of abuse, but yeah, I just really sucked at sparring. 

I had a dentist appointment in grade 5 and the dentist was a dick. He had to take out one of my baby teeth that wasn't coming out on it's own. He did a super shitty, job and the whole left side of my face swelled up. So my parents kept me out of school the day after the appointment because of the swelling. The sent me the day after that but the whole side of my face was black and blue. My teacher asked me if my mother and father were beating me, to which I responded "I had a dentist's appointment." Which he called home and called the dentist.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On ‎12‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 12:52 PM, Vivi_music said:

I think you have hit the right note. I see it in a similar way.

I don't think they are are ever forced, or pushed to marry. But the social pressure must be there (heck! It is even present in secular society- remarks like ''You are still single? Didn't find the right one yet?''). Some of the young people must feel it is very important for them to reach those milestones like they are supposed to and like they see their peers do. And if they don't, they fear being seen as abnormal or just different. I dare say, this pressure is often self-induced. Some people can be very hard on themselves. And like in the real world, I suppose some of these young adults can brush the pressure off and bear with it better. That is why I see people like John-David maybe waiting longer.

In my personal opinion (which is certainly only based on what we saw on TV, and maybe not near reality - who knows), I see Josiah and Lauren's wedding a bit for those reasons. They found someone within their fundie-circle, in the same age-range, they find them cute and attractive enough and they think they can get along just fine, and there you go.

And like you said, it is not unique to the fundie-world. I know a few non-fundie people with a similar mentality. I just wonder if it is more common within the fundie world?

I think some of them are highly encouraged to marry sooner rather than later, like Josh, to try to keep him out of trouble.  I think Joy & Josiah were rushed into marriage because they were seen as more of a flight risk.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

15 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I think some of them are highly encouraged to marry sooner rather than later, like Josh, to try to keep him out of trouble.  I think Joy & Josiah were rushed into marriage because they were seen as more of a flight risk.

Based on what?

[viii]

38 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I think some of them are highly encouraged to marry sooner rather than later, like Josh, to try to keep him out of trouble.  I think Joy & Josiah were rushed into marriage because they were seen as more of a flight risk.

Josiah, maybe, but I don't think Joy was ever regarded as a flight risk. She drank the kool-aid more than any of her siblings, I think. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

I think Joy rushed herself into marriage. She seemed to be practicaly galloping down the aisle, mid-fatherly speech by Jim Bob in her eagerness to get hitched. I remember how dejected she seemed on her graduation video, talking about her future plans of not taking algebra and babysitting her siblings. I am not at all suprised she was eager to get married.

[singsingsing]

Joy also talked about how grateful she was to Joseph for helping her come to terms with their parents' religion. I'm sure many if not most of the kids have had similar experiences, but often if someone is struggling with their strict religion and then recommits, they're prone to overcompensating.

[Pecansforeveryone]

I think Joy, like Jinger, may have had some struggles with "coming in line" with their parent's beliefs. Jinger was reported to have accepted Christ at 14 which is kind of late in some fundie circles. I know of pastors who have proudly talked about how they accepted Christ at 6 or 7. I knew a campus pastor with Chi Alpha (Assemblies of God) who talked in his testimony about praying to accept Christ when he was 3. No joke,  fundies really stress "get them while they are young."

[AussieKrissy]

2 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

I think Joy rushed herself into marriage. She seemed to be practicaly galloping down the aisle, mid-fatherly speech by Jim Bob in her eagerness to get hitched. I remember how dejected she seemed on her graduation video, talking about her future plans of not taking algebra and babysitting her siblings. I am not at all suprised she was eager to get married.

during that episode, I got the impression that she was making no plans because she already knew a courtship was on the cards. She was cagey about what she wanted to do after graduation and basically said she had nothing to strive towards (education wise).

[Anna Bolinas]

5 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Joy also talked about how grateful she was to Joseph for helping her come to terms with their parents' religion. I'm sure many if not most of the kids have had similar experiences, but often if someone is struggling with their strict religion and then recommits, they're prone to overcompensating.

I've also wondered if Joy (and Jinger) in particular struggled with her faith because of the molestation. It's sad to think that the only solution was to cling even more tightly to religion, when it was religion that was part of the problem in the first place.

Also, when it comes to Joy's wedding, I feel like she and Austin were obviously physically attracted to each other, and that's part of why she seemed so eager to get down the aisle.

[lumpentheologie]

13 hours ago, Anna Bolinas said:

Also, when it comes to Joy's wedding, I feel like she and Austin were obviously physically attracted to each other, and that's part of why she seemed so eager to get down the aisle.

And based on what we've seen of Joy and Austin post-wedding, touch is one of Joy's primary love languages. It must have been so hard for her to have been denied that for so long.  I'm also very touch-oriented, and I can't imagine dating someone without being able to hug, kiss, and cuddle them. 

[emscm]

This is a genuine question regarding “love languages.” I understand the general concept of it in terms of being how someone prefers to experience love and affection. I have even gone so far as to Google and discover that there is a book about it. The thing I feel really ignorant about is why it seems to be such a frequent fundie buzz term. Is the book really popular in their circles? Is it fundie approved? I hear it mentioned here frequently, but I feel super ignorant about the connection. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, emscm said:

This is a genuine question regarding “love languages.” I understand the general concept of it in terms of being how someone prefers to experience love and affection. I have even gone so far as to Google and discover that there is a book about it. The thing I feel really ignorant about is why it seems to be such a frequent fundie buzz term. Is the book really popular in their circles? Is it fundie approved? I hear it mentioned here frequently, but I feel super ignorant about the connection. 

It’s not just in fundy circles - it’s been making the rounds in all kinds of relationship forums/discussion groups for quite some time.

I am continually surprised by how many people put stock in a basic and overly simplified categorization of need and response but it’s got a huge following. 

[lumpentheologie]

27 minutes ago, emscm said:

This is a genuine question regarding “love languages.” I understand the general concept of it in terms of being how someone prefers to experience love and affection. I have even gone so far as to Google and discover that there is a book about it. The thing I feel really ignorant about is why it seems to be such a frequent fundie buzz term. Is the book really popular in their circles? Is it fundie approved? I hear it mentioned here frequently, but I feel super ignorant about the connection. 

The book is written from a Christian perspective, but I find the ideas work without any religion too. 

The author categorizes five ways people tend to give and receive love: touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Most people use several, but have 1-2 "primary' love languages that are more intuitive/natural to them. So basically if you're trying to express love to someone but you're not doing it in the way they're used to receiving love, it may not work very well, and you can try the different ways and see if something else works better. Conversely, if they know you're used to expressing love in a different way, they might start to appreciate your way a bit more since they'll start to recognize it as an expression of love. 

It's obviously not the be all and end all of relationship advice or psychology, but I've found it really useful. For example, one of my husband's primary love languages is words of affirmation, and that's not a way I was used to expressing love at all--I was raised with the saying "actions speak louder than words." But when I realized I could make my him so happy just by saying what I love about him it really improved our relationship. YMMV. 

[Four is Enough]

47 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

It's obviously not the be all and end all of relationship advice or psychology, but I've found it really useful. For example, one of my husband's primary love languages is words of affirmation, and that's not a way I was used to expressing love at all--I was raised with the saying "actions speak louder than words." But when I realized I could make my him so happy just by saying what I love about him it really improved our relationship. YMMV. 

Are you me? We did an entire Marriage Encounter presentation about this once... where he was affirming me all over the place, and I literally said, "Talk is cheap. Do the dishes." Can you tell I'm a works of service person? LOL

It is an interesting book, an easy read, and it's not all hocus pocus.

[SassyPants]

40 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

Are you me? We did an entire Marriage Encounter presentation about this once... where he was affirming me all over the place, and I literally said, "Talk is cheap. Do the dishes." Can you tell I'm a works of service person? LOL

It is an interesting book, an easy read, and it's not all hocus pocus.

Me too...maybe it's a nurse thing!

[FundieCentral]

Mine is so quality time. 

I hate feeiling like someone is ‘doing something’ to make me love them. Feels like they’re trying to buy my affection. But time? Giving time to someone is never cheap or easy. That is a sign of true dedication in my mind  Don’t mind the other ones either of course  

[Maggie Mae]

I'm kind of an "everything" person? I like words, I would be ecstatic with THOUGHTFUL gifts (I really am lacking in the gift department), I like it when people respect my boundaries a lot, and service is good, but I'd rather shovel the driveway together or have you show me how to change a tire. But for me giving love, I am pretty flexible, though I am bad with words. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Mine is receiving gifts. I had a hard time with it until I understood it's not a materialistic thing at all. DH is wonderful at thinking of me and handing me something - sometimes it's as simple as a glass of wine or a $5 grocery store bouquet of flowers.
 

As for "acts of service" - if he unloads the dishwasher or does laundry I feel HORRIBLY GUILTY, even though he feels like he's helping. When he does that, it makes me feel like I'm slacking on "my" chores. lol

[TheMustardCardigan]

I think the Love Languages thing is kind of neat. Sure, a fair criticism is that it's overly simplified and categorized... I almost look at it as a Myers-Briggs for relationships. Not perfectly accurate and in some ways feels like a smarter astrology, but also useful in helping you understand yourself and other people.

My Love Language is definitely quality time. I love date nights and just spending time together, like running errands together. Even if my fiancé and I aren't necessarily doing any activity, it makes me happy just to relax at home with him. My happiness increased so much when he moved in with me because we no longer had to arrange to see each other, plan ahead just to be together, etc. 

[sleepy_doggos]

I think the Love Languages thing is kind of neat. Sure, a fair criticism is that it's overly simplified and categorized... I almost look at it as a Myers-Briggs for relationships. Not perfectly accurate and in some ways feels like a smarter astrology, but also useful in helping you understand yourself and other people.
My Love Language is definitely quality time. I love date nights and just spending time together, like running errands together. Even if my fiancé and I aren't necessarily doing any activity, it makes me happy just to relax at home with him. My happiness increased so much when he moved in with me because we no longer had to arrange to see each other, plan ahead just to be together, etc. 

That is pretty cool that you became happier when you moved in together because of that. My top love language is definitely not quality time, so I've never understood my close family and friends who feel hurt when I am doing other things than hanging out with them. And my ex wanted to move in together but I really didn't. Huh. Sounds like I was shortsighted about that need. It takes all kinds to make a world!

[Audrey2]

I had to read it about 10 years ago. While I liked the basic concept, I found the book pooly written and I felt it was condescending to women. My strongest language is touch, but acts of service and quality time are about tied for second. I was very low in the gift area.