Raquel Strikes Again

[formergothardite]

Raquel's parents screwed up big time in raising her. . When they discovered she was blogging lies and lying to them about what she was really doing, they should have made her shut it down. They gave her the impression she didn't need to really work at things. She seems to have gotten a not so great education all while being told she was getting the best and was better than everyone else. She used to talk about how silly it was for students to take a literature course because she just read and didn't need to do anything else. 

Raquel can't bear the thought of not being the most special, deepest, most spiritual person around. Raquel is pretty average in the things she likes, but tries to turn these average things into something deep which makes her sound ridiculous. 

This is from her latest blog which is about feelings. 

Quote

 I find beauty in the details.  I feel happy over little pleasures.  Warm beds in cold rooms, shiny crystals, tiny plants, a stack of books, a baby's smile, the way the sunlight fills a space, a delicious smelling cup of coffee. These are all things that a lot of people could see a million times in a day, but perceptive and emotional people will truly notice them, and feel something based on what they behold.

Feeling happy getting into a warm bed when the room is cold is pretty normal. Lots of people like crystals or shiny things. Tons of people find joy in tiny plants, big plants all sort sorts of plants. Stacks of books make lots of people happy. Plenty of people love seeing a baby smile, or sunlight, or smelling coffee. Of course there are people who won't like these things, but finding joy in them and feeling something when they experience them isn't some rare thing. 

Raquel also reminds me of Jill Rod. because she doesn't really seem to know how to be friends with people and I think if she had gotten married young and started having kids she would treat them similar to how Jill treats her children. Raquel once waited to the owner left the room and kicked a dog because she was annoyed. She neglected a horse and thought it was funny. When she was with at risk teens she only wanted them to focus on her and got jealous when they paid attention to another teen girl. She wasn't there to help them, she was there to make herself feel better by getting vulnerable teen boys to hang all over her. I'm really glad that so far she hasn't been able to go back to the boy's home. I really don't think she would have gone if she had to work with teen girls because they wouldn't have fawned over her. She wouldn't have taken clothing from a teen girl home to sleep with. 

Raquel needs help and I hope one day she gets it and can start growing as a person. 

 

[Terrie]

Raquel reminds me of why I never liked the play Our Town. It's the third act, where Emily discovers that the living don't appreciate all the small things in day to day life, except maybe "saints and poets." People like Raquel want to be those saints and poets. Personally, I thought that scene was stupid. If you get totally bogged down in the little things, you miss how everything fits together.  If you don't appreciate it the way Wilder thinks you should, you're somehow doing it wrong. Raquel is the same. She's so quick to tell people the things she notices that they miss, but I have never seen her ask other people to show her the things they see. She doesn't share; she imposes.

[Hane]

@formergothardite, I couldn’t agree more! Raquel would have benefited from a mother like my grandma. The morning after my mom’s high school graduation, Grandma appeared at the foot of her bed and demanded, “So, are you going out to look for a job?” Mom was only 16, but she and her girlfriend got onto the Staten Island Ferry that same day and went pounding the pavement in Manhattan, finding mail room jobs at Travelers Insurance. Mom started business college at night and worked her way up to executive secretary (this was 1941-1952). Grandma didn’t suffer fools—or lazy people—gladly!

[lilith]

Raquel seems perpetually 14, fascinated by herself and searching for an off the rack identity special enough to fit her self perception. But teenagers and their relentless self absorption are exhausting to be around and the end result of that focus on self is meant to be growing into a mature human being who focuses on the outside world in all its mundanity. She just never seems to grow and mature. 

[Petronella]

10 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Raquel's parents screwed up big time in raising her. . When they discovered she was blogging lies and lying to them about what she was really doing, they should have made her shut it down. They gave her the impression she didn't need to really work at things. She seems to have gotten a not so great education all while being told she was getting the best and was better than everyone else. She used to talk about how silly it was for students to take a literature course because she just read and didn't need to do anything else. 

I’m now really curious about the parents. What was their deal? Were they religious like Raquel? How has her brother turned out?

We homeschooled our kids until they were teens, and it was lovely. But I’m always keen to say that the term “homeschooling” refers to what you DON’T do—send your kids to school—rather than what you do do. Within the homeschooling community, there is great homeschooling, mediocre homeschooling, and dreadful homeschooling. (I hate when examples of high-achieving homeschool kids are held up uncritically as samples of “what homeschooling does” by families who are themselves being lazy, without looking at the specific *way* that kid was homeschooled.)

An overarching philosophy of our teaching was that learning to face challenges, and trying out different methods for doing so, is more important than whatever specific subject is challenging you. So when we help you to persist through a subject you find hard or boring, for example, it’s not because you necessarily need French (or cello, or whatever...) to move on in life, but because you need to know how to overcome hardship and boredom to move on well in life. (Of course we also used their natural interests as springboards and used a variety of methods to engage, but even subjects you love have hard bits and boring bits. And some subjects you just need to learn anyway, at least to a basic level!)

It was also important to us that they recognised that the work coming too easily means you’re in the wrong level. The right level will be one where mastery is just a bit out of reach (not overwhelmingly so, but a bit), something you have to work for. That bit of discomfort means you’re going to learn something. It means you’re in the right place.

Raquel, who seems to have been overpraised and underchallenged—and so many others, often smart kids who sailed through school’s early years without having to try much—take that discomfort as a signal to get out, stop; that makes me sad. (Raquel seems to take it as a sign that the challenge is beneath her, while formerly “gifted kids” will often take it as a sign that they’ve reached their limits and just aren’t “good at it.” Not so!! But that’s the pattern they’ve learned.)

Homeschooling this way worked really well for our kids, who are now in school/university.

 

 

[formergothardite]

2 hours ago, Petronella said:

I’m now really curious about the parents. What was their deal? Were they religious like Raquel? How has her brother turned out?

They seemed to be really religious, but oddly let Raquel just get away with all sorts of things that I would think even many non-fundie parents wouldn't tolerate. My speculation is that they didn't want to deal with Raquel's dramatic meltdowns the second she doesn't get her way or was forced to do something that is hard, so they didn't fight her. If I found out my teen daughter had created an internet following by lying about her life online, she would lose her internet platform. Raquel's parents, though just let her continue blogging lies when they found out she was lying to them and online. 

Raquel's parents seemed to have just gone along with whatever she wanted. @Petronella is right about the benefit of sticking with some things is that you learn how to overcome boredom or something that is really difficult. Raquel's parents let her flit from one thing to the next and stop the second something got challenging. The whole ordeal with the horse, my parents would have been furious if I let a horse go without water and would have not tolerated me writing about how amusing it was. Raquel wanted a horse to be a prop for her photos and when it ended up needing her to take time to care for it she was done. 

Overpraised and under challenged is the perfect description for Raquel.It is hard to tell how her siblings came out since they have no internet presence. 

[Terrie]

@formergothardite Did you see her horse poem? i don't know if I should be disgusted after the way she neglected her own horse, or crack up laughing after the line about "leading the pack." Predators have packs, prey animals have herds. I have images of canivorous horses running people down.

[formergothardite]

I just read her horse poem. It is disgusting that she paints herself as this horse lover when she treated her horse like garbage. 

Raquel has written a poem about herself. This is just classic Raquel right here. She posted a picture of herself with this poem to make sure everyone gets that it is about her. 

Quote

Day 16 ✨
(written in 3 minutes)

Your dark chocolate eyes twinkle like Christmas lights.
Your skin is as smooth as cotton sheets.
Your brown hair cascades down your back like a waterfall,
Catching sun rays that make it appear to have fiery red highlights.
The plants and flowers thrive in your presence.
You smell of essential oils
“Like earthiness”, you were once told,
For all the time you spend surrounded by nature.
Crystals want to be found and admired by you
And no amount of journals can contain the thoughts that fill your head.

 

[Terrie]

What the heck is her obsession with eye color? In her book description, several of her poems, etc, she touchs on "I have brown eyes!" Yes, dearie, you and the majority of people. 

Her poem to Catherine Morland (whose name she misspelled) is eye-rolling. 

Spoiler

I dearly love Jane Austen, and Raquel totally and completely missed the point of Northanger Abbey. Austen loved books and novels, and the characters she shows reading are often some of her most beloved (Elizabeth Bennet, for instance). But she also made it very clear that they are not subsitutes for maturity (Catherine Morland) or independant thought (Mary Bennet). But of course 24 year old Raquel would heavily identify with 17 year old Catherine and miss the point about not letting immaturity lead you to flights of fancy.

[formergothardite]

Oh I remember Raquel's Jane Austen stage! She completely missed the points of all the books. Understanding Jane Austen is where taking a literature class would have helped Raquel. 

Edited April 19, 2019 by formergothardite

[Terrie]

3 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Oh I remember Raquel's Jane Austen stage! She completely missed the points of all the books. Understanding Jane Austen is where taking a literature class would have helped Raquel. 

Truthfully, I didn't quite get how to read and talk about themes or messages in literature until I was mid-20s, because most of my English classes in high school were very bare bones. Lots of time on "This is a simile," the difference between the climax and the turning point in the plot, etc. And then I didn't take much English in college. But even those bare bones classes gave me the foundation to develop a better understanding of liternature later on, and I've come to appreciate the ability to look at things I read with an analytical eye. How Raquel is supposed to do so when it seems she didn't even get that much....

[Seahorse Wrangler]

Quote

You smell of essential oils

I'm rather worried as too which ones since things like gas  don't smell very nice. Nor does tea tree oil. Not to mention the dangers of using them neat on your skin.

[lilith]

You also can’t properly understand Jane Austen without some understanding of history - Regency England, the early industrial revolution, the French Revolution and Napoleonic wars, the beginnings of the British empire, the slave trade and it’s implications, the rise of the upper middle class are all themes that inform her writing. And that’s just off the top of my head, I’m sure there are more. I very much doubt Raquel has a grasp of late 18th/early 19th century European history.

 

[Terrie]

I love David Shapard's annotated editions. He really gives a lot of great information. He covers some lit analysis, such as the slightly didactic nature of Sense and Sensibility over her other novels, and lots of great historical and cultural information, such as the implications of having four horses on your carriage instead of two. I'm sure there are those who would complain it "ruins" the immersion in the story, but I love the added understanding I get from it.

[Seahorse Wrangler]

3 minutes ago, Terrie said:

I love David Shapard's annotated editions. He really gives a lot of great information. He covers some lit analysis, such as the slightly didactic nature of Sense and Sensibility over her other novels, and lots of great historical and cultural information, such as the implications of having four horses on your carriage instead of two. I'm sure there are those who would complain it "ruins" the immersion in the story, but I love the added understanding I get from it.

wanders off to look at more books...

[formergothardite]

55 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

wanders off to look at more books...

Joining you and trying to remind myself I have three books in the mail and I don't actually have room for more books...

[AmazonGrace]

If Trump had brown eyes she'd be a mini Trump. Whenever he has heard something he's all, "most people don't know this."   She thinks about emotional healing and  that makes her special because it's not a  common topic. She skips church one Sunday and that makes her special because most people don't get how you can pray outside of a church.  She likes reading and it makes her special because nobody else likes reading.

[formergothardite]

Another day, another pome. So someone told her they were uncomfortable with something and so she cut them out of her life because they are too negative? In a brief glimpse of honest she admits she only wants unconditional support for everything she does. She is very much like a min-Trump. She wants to be surrounded by people who only tell her what she wants to hear and is okay withe her treating them like crap. She doesn't care if she makes others participate in things that make them uncomfortable, people exist to praise her. 

Quote

Day 18 ✨
(written in 7 minutes)

“It makes me uncomfortable, Raquel” - 
Words I did not want to hear
When instead I wanted to know I was being supported in something that I loved,
Something I was passionate about,
Something that made me feel empowered.
So first, I removed the negativity from my life,
And then I pursued what I always should have in the first place:
Myself.

 

[Petronella]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

Another day, another pome. So someone told her they were uncomfortable with something and so she cut them out of her life because they are too negative? In a brief glimpse of honest she admits she only wants unconditional support for everything she does. She is very much like a min-Trump. She wants to be surrounded by people who only tell her what she wants to hear and is okay withe her treating them like crap. She doesn't care if she makes others participate in things that make them uncomfortable, people exist to praise her. 

 

Yikes. This is an example of how her lack of specificity makes her come across terribly.

Depending on what the other person is “uncomfortable” with, Raquel could be a hero, or selfish, or even monstrous. But she tries to express this as some general, grand, always-applicable truth. Raquel: “me first” is not profound and not universally admirable or universally appropriate.

[3splenty]

Wow.  So if someone voices an opinion that doesn't match hers, that person is negative and must be cut out of her life.

Has it ever occurred to her to ask why something makes someone uncomfortable?  For example, my daughters do not like when people drink alcohol around them, but their father is a recovering alcoholic and they went through hell.  When you know the reason behind this and take it to heart, realizing how someone else was affected, that's deep thinking.  Not a poem written in however many minutes. 

My kids do understand people can drink for social reasons and realize they can remove themselves, if necessary.

I imagine being cut out of her life is like having an enormous weight lifted off your shoulders.  No more tiptoeing around, constantly checking your words and actions.  No more having to give constant adoration.  Just peace.

Edited April 20, 2019 by 3splenty

[AmazonGrace]

I have cut so many people out of my life

that I'm running out of new friends to make

It's okay

I'm never going to meet anyone

Who deserves to be friends with me  anyway

 

 

 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, 3splenty said:

I imagine being cut out of her life is like having an enormous weight lifted off your shoulders.  No more tiptoeing around, constantly checking your words and actions.  No more having to give constant adoration.  Just peace.

Her many lists of things she demands out of boyfriends reveals how difficult it must be to be around her. Don't expect her to talk to you when she doesn't want to, but don't dare not answer the phone when she calls or not be able to drop everything the second she wants you. You must like all the things she likes and you can't like things she doesn't like. She can rant and rave at you but you can never express negative emotions around her. 

Having Raquel cut you out of her life probably means you are doing something right. 

[Terrie]

Does Raquel even have boundaries? She certainly doesn't allow them for other people. I just plain don't like people like that. I'm very pro-boundary. Ironically, it's the trait that makes her both vulnerable to abuse by others and at risk to abuse others, depending on the power dynamic of the relationship.

Raquel reminds me of a friend's ex-girlfriend, who outright justified her emotional abuse of him on her own history of a boyfriend who physically abused her. When they broke up, they both remained in the same loose social circle, and when my friend started dating someone else and current and ex met, the ex spit on the new girlfriend and called her a whore, because she considered my friend as still "hers." Raquel probably wouldn't spit, but she certainly approaches some of her relationships from that same "All about me" stance.

[Kelsey]

On 4/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, formergothardite said:

 

Raquel also reminds me of Jill Rod. because she doesn't really seem to know how to be friends with people and I think if she had gotten married young and started having kids she would treat them similar to how Jill treats her children. Raquel once waited to the owner left the room and kicked a dog because she was annoyed. She neglected a horse and thought it was funny. When she was with at risk teens she only wanted them to focus on her and got jealous when they paid attention to another teen girl. She wasn't there to help them, she was there to make herself feel better by getting vulnerable teen boys to hang all over her. I'm really glad that so far she hasn't been able to go back to the boy's home. I really don't think she would have gone if she had to work with teen girls because they wouldn't have fawned over her. She wouldn't have taken clothing from a teen girl home to sleep with. 

What the actual fuck? Like, she actively waited for the owner to leave to kick a dog? Kicking a dog is pretty damn bad in itself but planning to do so and then waiting for the opportunity? That is even more disturbing. I'm scared to even know the details about the poor horse. Please tell me that she wasn't the horse owner and that it has a good home (or at least a good home now).

I remember the teen home in Peru (iirc). That is straight up batshit and predatory.

[formergothardite]

32 minutes ago, Terrie said:

Raquel probably wouldn't spit

She would kick their dog when they weren't looking. 

 

Just now, Kelsey said:

Like, she actively waited for the owner to leave to kick a dog? Kicking a dog is pretty damn bad in itself but planning to do so and then waiting for the opportunity? That is even more disturbing. I'm scared to even know the details about the poor horse. Please tell me that she wasn't the horse owner and that it has a good home (or at least a good home now).

I don't think it was on her blog, I think it was when she was on Twitter, but she waited till the owner left and kicked their dog. When people replied horrified she seemed totally shocked that others didn't find it cute and kept saying that she didn't kick it that hard. 

She got rid of the horse pretty quickly when she found out it would require actual effort on her part to care for it.