Lori Alexander 44: Ken Galloping Off on the Horse of Truth The Feminists Are Coming!

[onemama]

Some random thoughts on the topics of sex, meeting each other's needs and love.  

We got married when we were in love. We were crazy about each other. 15 years later, I've known being in love, feeling cold towards my husband and finding love for him again, so I would say that love is both a feeling and a choice. Sometimes you have to choose to soften your heart towards your spouse, especially if he/she's hurt you badly.  I believe God gave us those feelings and wants us to enjoy them and rekindle them every now and then, when necessary!  

Sex. I don't think I've met a more sex-obsessed crowd before.  These people are disgusting!  The worst part of it all? Sex is one more tool to control and demand submission. They can tell me whatever they want, but these whiny men are demanding sex. Period. 

1st Corinthians 7:3-5 talks about marital "benevolence" or, as the version @Lgrlrocks quoted, meeting each other's needs.  There's no "prescription" to be passed out there and each couple should work this out on their own. If they need help, I recommend a good mediator or counselor.  Otherwise, what happens in other people's bedrooms is their business! 

[Evangeline]

I don't think Ken and Lori's marriage happened because of their theology. I think they have a shitty marriage and developed an entire theology around it. I mean, I've known some serious fundies and none of them would say it's not important to marry someone with a compatible personality or that intimacy is not important. Sex and intimacy are strongly linked, or I think they should be in a marriage. Why on earth would you not want them linked? When Ken talks about intimacy, it's in the context of dependency and weakness of the woman. That's seriously fucked up. Lest anyone think Ken is nicer than Lori, he's made it clear he expects to dominate his wife and was unsatisfied when Lori would not be dominated. I think she still isn't, but she's allowed him to feel powerful in the financial and sexual parts of their relationship, and he's decided that's enough. They are both sick people and have no business shoving this twisted version of marriage down anyone's throat. I'll take my ungodly, true partnership over their version any day of the week. And I think it's much more God-honoring than their mess. 

[Carol]

23 minutes ago, Evangeline said:

I don't think Ken and Lori's marriage happened because of their theology. I think they have a shitty marriage and developed an entire theology around it. 

I could not agree more.  Absolutely brilliant.  With their hand-picked bible verses they are gods unto each other.

[Carol]

Ken says,  

"When a wife waits for a husband to give her the right hug, the right kind smile or back rub to “get her into the mood,” that has little to do with true intimacy at all. It simply is a “get in the mood fix” as I don’t feel close to you, so work on me so that I do a little or I am not interested in sex. It’s a bad game to “need” a warm up outside the bedroom before one is willing to feel intimate and give sex".

This is more proof of what a disaster their marriage is.  It's mutual masochism.  He fucks her to get off and she sucks him to get what she wants. 

[Alisamer]

4 minutes ago, Carol said:

Ken says,  

"When a wife waits for a husband to give her the right hug, the right kind smile or back rub to “get her into the mood,” that has little to do with true intimacy at all. It simply is a “get in the mood fix” as I don’t feel close to you, so work on me so that I do a little or I am not interested in sex. It’s a bad game to “need” a warm up outside the bedroom before one is willing to feel intimate and give sex".

This is more proof of what a disaster their marriage is.  It's mutual masochism.  He fucks her to get off and she sucks him to get what she wants. 

I have nothing against some casual fun, but geez, most people don't want to have sex with someone who they don't "feel close to". Ken is Lori's regular john, or sugar daddy at best. He gets off, she gets his money. Because they are married, it's Godly. This exact same thing without being married? Lori would say the woman is a whore. 

I would expect this sort of arrangement from second-generation fundies, the ones taught to fear and be ashamed of sex, who are barely allowed to get to know each other before marriage. Maybe they don't know what they are missing... because that sort of arrangement can't be that enjoyable for either of them. I wonder if Ken and Lori don't realize that things can be better. I can't imagine Ken sticking around if he figured that out. I don't know if he's ever strayed, but I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he had.

[Sarah92]

20 minutes ago, Carol said:

Ken says,  

"When a wife waits for a husband to give her the right hug, the right kind smile or back rub to “get her into the mood,” that has little to do with true intimacy at all. It simply is a “get in the mood fix” as I don’t feel close to you, so work on me so that I do a little or I am not interested in sex. It’s a bad game to “need” a warm up outside the bedroom before one is willing to feel intimate and give sex".

This is more proof of what a disaster their marriage is.  It's mutual masochism.  He fucks her to get off and she sucks him to get what she wants. 

I kinda threw up when I read this. I mean dearest goodness and all that is holy, again why would someone want to have sex with their spouse if they do not feel connected? What he totally seems to miss is this hypothetical woman most likely wants her husband to show affection and love outside of the bedroom, not treat her like a prostitute when he wants to get off.

No Ken, a woman needs to warm up so sex doesn't feel like having sandpaper shoved up her vagina. I'm a freaking virgin and have more sexual education than someone who's been married for years. 

Also I had a small conundrum when I was getting dressed this morning. I'm wearing a long maxi skirt (For someone who's sick, my round little self is looking pretty fab) but I wear yoga pants under my skirts because it's like wearing pjs all day and well no chub rub! So am I being modest because of the skirt or immodest because of yoga pants? Lori and her wisdom has confused my poor little soul. 

[Curious]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Researching your medicine: All good and lovely if that is your thing, but medication that makes it to market as prescriptions have been researched by people with far more knowledge than most of us have. I was diagnosed with Influenza A yesterday morning. I don't give a flying f*ck about researching Tamiflu right now. If I suspect an adverse side effect, I will read the pharmacy flyer. Otherwise, if it makes me feel less like death warmed over, I don't care. 

It's great if YOU don't want to do this, but suggesting other people shouldn't waste their time is just as dangerous as some of the stuff Lori says.

Drs are not always careful about contraindications or medications that don't mix well together, so it's always a good idea to at least do a cursory look at those things.  Drs are not infallible just because they went to med school.

My dr. was perfectly happy to let me have hallucinations (and why not they weren't bothering HIM) rather than trying to figure out what else would work for me.  He actually told my husband if he wanted a med change HE (my husband) should research to find out what med to change to make them stop.  My husband wasn't too thrilled by that answer but unlike my dr. he didn't want me suffering hallucinations multiple times a day.

If I hadn't researched statins I would probably still be on one or another of them and feeling like I was hit by a truck, not being able to get out of bed, plus my diabetes would no doubt be even worse than it is since a statin is what gave it to me.

I think my quality of life is worth more than that, so I do my due diligence when it comes to my medications.

I'm sorry you don't feel well, but your shitty attitude is pretty unhelpful. 

[polecat]

6 minutes ago, Curious said:

Drs are not always careful about contraindications or medications that don't mix well together, so it's always a good idea to at least do a cursory look at those things.  Drs are not infallible just because they went to med school.

(snipped for brevity) 

This is also an argument for always, always using the same pharmacy for refills. I'd trust a pharmacist about drug interactions, side effects, things like that far more than I'd trust a doctor about those things because drugs are their business, their sole business.

And, as @Curious said, at least cursory research is important particularly if you're on multiple meds or starting something new or even just increasing a dose. Remember, even the FDA messes up sometimes -- see: Meridia, Accutane, and, of course, DES. Research isn't a guarantee that nothing bad will happen, but it will help you better understand what risks there are/may be so that you can make a more educated decision.

[Curious]

31 minutes ago, Sarah92 said:

No Ken, a woman needs to warm up so sex doesn't feel like having sandpaper shoved up her vagina. I'm a freaking virgin and have more sexual education than someone who's been married for years. 

So much this.  I wonder how Ken would feel if he wasn't in the mood (which apparently never happens, but let's pretend) and Lori just kept pawing at his junk even though he's not getting hard.   Using no lube of any kind, of course.  

Or next time he wants a handjob she holds something abrasive in her hand, with no lube, of course.

He is so uneducated about everything and then he tells women that if they aren't instantly wet and ready to go they have a problem.   Read a fucking book Ken!

Actually, I will help you out.  Here is a link that will explain how a woman's body works since you are too damn dense to figure it out after 30+ years.

http://www.thesexmd.com/natural-lubrication-in-women/

From the article:
 

Quote

In fact, it is not uncommon for women to need some stimulation for 5, 10, even 15 minutes or more before they can experience this lubrication.  This does not mean that a woman in not physical or emotionally excited.

 

3 minutes ago, polecat said:

This is also an argument for always, always using the same pharmacy for refills. I'd trust a pharmacist about drug interactions, side effects, things like that far more than I'd trust a doctor about those things because drugs are their business, their sole business.

This is a good point, which I forgot to mention.  Our pharmacist is amazing and has caught several meds that can be dangerous if used together if some "rules" are not followed.   My dr. knows what meds I am on and he didn't bother to mention to me that I shouldn't take med A that I was already on within x hours of med B (the new one).   Fortunately, the pharmacist made sure to point this out to my husband when he picked up the prescription so I was not adversely affected.

[feministxtian]

In a sermon at church, talking about marriage, our pastor said something about intimacy starts in the living room (he didn't come right out and say sex because there were kids in the sanctuary). He also said something about if your wife is unhappy go look in the mirror (men). According to him, if you don't treat your wife like the precious gift she is, then you deserve to be miserable. Now, we'll happily take marriage advice from a couple that's been married 40+ years, are still ridiculously in love (I swear, they are so cute together...they're still utterly gaga over each other), raised 5 great kids and have a raft of grandchildren. Kenori, not so much. 

[louisa05]

17 minutes ago, polecat said:

(snipped for brevity) 

This is also an argument for always, always using the same pharmacy for refills. I'd trust a pharmacist about drug interactions, side effects, things like that far more than I'd trust a doctor about those things because drugs are their business, their sole business.

And, as @Curious said, at least cursory research is important particularly if you're on multiple meds or starting something new or even just increasing a dose. Remember, even the FDA messes up sometimes -- see: Meridia, Accutane, and, of course, DES. Research isn't a guarantee that nothing bad will happen, but it will help you better understand what risks there are/may be so that you can make a more educated decision.

I have multiple drug allergies that can literally kill me. So I'm not as ignorant or careless as you all are making me out to be. But I also know that my knowledge base is in English language arts and history which I have degrees in rather than medicine or pharmacology. So my solution is not to get on the not always reliable internet and "do my own research" (an obsession that fuels such meticulously documented and helpful things as the anti-vax movement and alternative cures for cancer and yoga as medicine), but to engage with the healthcare professionals who provide my care. I asked the PA I saw yesterday if there are any chemical similarities with Tamiflu and the drugs I am allergic to. He assured me there were not. I then repeated the questions to the pharmacist when I picked up the medication and he double checked to make sure. And pharmacists are your best defense for contraindications and other issues with medication, better than your providers. They have caught issues for me before a drug was dispensed twice. 

But the internet is full of bullshit. And while you may have a well developed bullshit detector and the ability to judge the reliability of a site's information, your neighbor may be doing his own research on an alternative medicine site deciding that medical treatment  will kill him and he should treat his stage 2 cancer with diet and herbs.

"Doing your own research" is also born of the internet era. All of this "research" (some is research and some is not) was not readily available to everyone 30 years ago. 

[Curious]

3 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I have multiple drug allergies that can literally kill me. So I'm not as ignorant or careless as you all are making me out to be. But I also know that my knowledge base is in English language arts and history which I have degrees in rather than medicine or pharmacology. So my solution is not to get on the not always reliable internet and "do my own research" (an obsession that fuels such meticulously documented and helpful things as the anti-vax movement and alternative cures for cancer and yoga as medicine), but to engage with the healthcare professionals who provide my care. I asked the PA I saw yesterday if there are any chemical similarities with Tamiflu and the drugs I am allergic to. He assured me there were not. I then repeated the questions to the pharmacist when I picked up the medication and he double checked to make sure. And pharmacists are your best defense for contraindications and other issues with medication, better than your providers. They have caught issues for me before a drug was dispensed twice. 

But the internet is full of bullshit. And while you may have a well developed bullshit detector and the ability to judge the reliability of a site's information, your neighbor may be doing his own research on an alternative medicine site deciding that medical treatment  will kill him and he should treat his stage 2 cancer with diet and herbs.

"Doing your own research" is also born of the internet era. All of this "research" (some is research and some is not) was not readily available to everyone 30 years ago. 

Your shitty attitude is still not helpful.  All drugs have their own manufacturer's website.  You don't have to go find some whackado website.  If you type in the name of your med, very likely the first link is going to be to the actual manufacturer.

I don't know where you were 30 years ago, but it was possible to do research back then as well.  It just wasn't as easy or convenient.   The fact that information is now readily accessible is a GOOD THING(tm).  

I don't know what your deal is, but you are the most negative person I have ever encountered and that is saying something, since I, myself, am definitely a glass half empty type of person.

You don't agree...great.  That doesn't mean you have to make it seem like doing your own research is stupid and that people who do it are automatically going to find crazy sites on the internet and follow their wonky information.   You do a diservice to people when you say things like you are.

A lot of people read here who are not members.  Some of those people are likely fundies and people trying to break away.  People who are scared to take meds because they have been taught they are all evil.  People that are distancing themselves from Lori specifically.   When we post on this kind of stuff, we need to keep that in mind so we don't end up confirming the crazy shit that Lori spouts.

Plus you are always a fucking downer.   Super over it.

[Free Jana Duggar]

Just a random thought:. I am still amazed at how uninformed and out of touch some of Lori's fangirls are. One commenter said she didn't know The Dutchess of Cambridge had another baby. Does she live under a rock?  

Yes, Kate is beautiful, feminine, and gracious. I just wonder if Lori is aware she met Prince William at a fashion show where she paraded down the runway in a bikini and that they lived together before marriage.

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Coast Salish Natives have an oral tradition that has been passed down for 26,000 years, yes 26,000!  Here it is.

"brothers and sisters I have a message from the Lords, I have a message from the Lords to love one another, love one another."

They sing it beautifully. It's a public song or I couldn't share it. Thank-you my Native friends!

Predates the bible.

[polecat]

30 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

I have multiple drug allergies that can literally kill me. So I'm not as ignorant or careless as you all are making me out to be. But I also know that my knowledge base is in English language arts and history which I have degrees in rather than medicine or pharmacology. So my solution is not to get on the not always reliable internet and "do my own research" (an obsession that fuels such meticulously documented and helpful things as the anti-vax movement and alternative cures for cancer and yoga as medicine), but to engage with the healthcare professionals who provide my care. I asked the PA I saw yesterday if there are any chemical similarities with Tamiflu and the drugs I am allergic to. He assured me there were not. I then repeated the questions to the pharmacist when I picked up the medication and he double checked to make sure. And pharmacists are your best defense for contraindications and other issues with medication, better than your providers. They have caught issues for me before a drug was dispensed twice. 

But the internet is full of bullshit. And while you may have a well developed bullshit detector and the ability to judge the reliability of a site's information, your neighbor may be doing his own research on an alternative medicine site deciding that medical treatment  will kill him and he should treat his stage 2 cancer with diet and herbs.

"Doing your own research" is also born of the internet era. All of this "research" (some is research and some is not) was not readily available to everyone 30 years ago. 

No. 

First of all, I was super clear about going to your pharmacist.

Second, nowhere in my post -- and you can feel free to go back and check -- did I recommend searching online. Every single medication you get -- whether RX or OTC -- comes with patient information. RX meds usually come with both a patient insert and a separate sheet of patient info from the pharmacy (although this might just be a state law where I live, so I can't guarantee it's everywhere). All you (general) need to do to research is read the inserts and patient info. No Internet required. Those inserts will explain the side effects, rare side effects, side effects requiring an ER visit or doctor's attention, signs of an allergic reaction, contraindications, potential drug interactions and more.  Don't believe me? Go check out your Tamiflu prescription: You'll see.

I'm not sure why people always go straight to "research = whackadoo anti-vaxxer," but quite frankly, it's insulting and offensive.

 

[Alisamer]

38 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

.... I then repeated the questions to the pharmacist when I picked up the medication and he double checked to make sure. And pharmacists are your best defense for contraindications and other issues with medication, better than your providers. They have caught issues for me before a drug was dispensed twice. ...

"Doing your own research" is also born of the internet era. All of this "research" (some is research and some is not) was not readily available to everyone 30 years ago. 

I count "asking the pharmacist" as part of the research people are recommending. 

And there was plenty of information out there 30 years ago. It wasn't available in 5 seconds on your phone, but it was out there. You'd run to the library, call your friend the nurse, call someone you know who had the same issues and may have taken the same drug, and/or ask the pharmacist. Yeah, it took more work, and not everyone bothered. I'd bet more people had bad drug interactions that could have been avoided then, too. When we know better we do better. 

I always do a quick google of the name of the medicine and the word "interaction" and also google it with the other medication I take. It takes only a minute or two to find the manufacturer's website (thus being able to check the info included in the pamphlet the pharmacist gives you, before going through the trouble and cost of having it filled), or a reputable site with interaction information. Yeah, there's bad info out there, but it's not so pervasive as to make basic research worthless. Heck, I google lots of things before I buy them, why should medicine be any different? I want to make sure that mug warmer won't set my desk on fire. I want to make sure the medicine won't kill me!

No one's expecting anyone to get a medical degree before accepting a prescription, but I'd suggest not just trusting the judgement of just one possibly over-worked doctor who sees a ton of patients every day. Doctors are human, they make mistakes sometimes. Ask the pharmacist, google the drug, read the insert that comes with it, just take 2 minutes to check if it's going to interact badly with something else you are taking.

And maybe I'm just salty today, but if someone googles the medicine their doctor gives them, ignores the manufacturer and other reputable sites and decides they need to spend $200 on a bottle of water stirred with a specific South American tree bark that cures all ills... they are asking for a Darwin Award.

[feministxtian]

I check every med my husband has taken in the last 10 years to check for interactions, liver toxicity, etc. Now that he's off all those meds, I don't have to be quite so vigilant. Still have to watch for liver toxicity due to his surgery and since his current doctors aren't terribly familiar with post-TP/AIT patients, but so far so good. 

30 years ago it was still possible to do research on medication effects and interactions...honest to Rufus, it wasn't that hard even then...now with the internet it's even easier...and NO...the first entries are NOT some "woo" bullshit. 

So, @louisa05 get the fuck off the goddamn bus. You're negative as fuck, possibly not quite as bright as my cat, and a general downer. 

[jerkit]

I have no opinion on the medicine discussion, but I would like to say that I was sterilized this morning. I had both Fallopian tubes removed. I feel like giving the middle finger to Lori.

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Curious said:

 

This is a good point, which I forgot to mention.  Our pharmacist is amazing and has caught several meds that can be dangerous if used together if some "rules" are not followed.   My dr. knows what meds I am on and he didn't bother to mention to me that I shouldn't take med A that I was already on within x hours of med B (the new one).   Fortunately, the pharmacist made sure to point this out to my husband when he picked up the prescription so I was not adversely affected.

 

Yep -- nothing quite so serious here, but I have a penicillin allergy, so I'm always prescribed one of two antibiotics for minor infections or as a post-surgery preventive. And one of them causes horrible stomach problems in me, but because the names are so similar, I never remember which is which. Thankfully, the pharmacist DOES, and every time, they catch it for me in time for me to call my doctor (or dentist, as the case may be) to prescribe me the non-irritating abx. Like I said, super-minor, but I appreciate them looking out. Drugs are pharmacists' sole job. Doctors have way more going on. 

 

[Curious]

13 minutes ago, polecat said:

Second, nowhere in my post -- and you can feel free to go back and check -- did I recommend searching online.

I just read my initial post again and I didn't mention searching online either, so I'm not sure where the crazy anti-vaxxer stuff even came from. 

[polecat]

1 minute ago, jerkit said:

I have no opinion on the medicine discussion, but I would like to say that I was sterilized this morning. I had both Fallopian tubes removed. I feel like giving the middle finger to Lori.

Healing vibes to you. <3

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori is promoting this woman on IG. 

http://themotherscompanion.org/

Anyone familiar with her? Lori says she raised 9 kids in small house and quoted her saying no matter how desperate your finances you can stay home!

[Curious]

1 minute ago, jerkit said:

I have no opinion on the medicine discussion, but I would like to say that I was sterilized this morning. I had both Fallopian tubes removed. I feel like giving the middle finger to Lori.

Congrats!  Is that done outpatient or are you visiting us from the hospital?  They do so much stuff outpatient now and it scares the fuck out of me.  If they had sent me home when I was feeling fine after my last surgery, my untimely death would have likely been permanent.

[jerkit]

2 minutes ago, Curious said:

Congrats!  Is that done outpatient or are you visiting us from the hospital?  They do so much stuff outpatient now and it scares the fuck out of me.  If they had sent me home when I was feeling fine after my last surgery, my untimely death would have likely been permanent.

It was outpatient and very quick. The surgery itself was only 45 minutes. I feel fine now. My best friend had the same surgery in February and had no issues. I’m allowed to go back to work on Tuesday. I’m excited to never have to worry about birth control again. That chapter of my life (fertility) is closed and I’m really happy about it.

[Curious]

1 minute ago, jerkit said:

It was outpatient and very quick. The surgery itself was only 45 minutes. I feel fine now. My best friend had the same surgery in February and had no issues. I’m allowed to go back to work on Tuesday. I’m excited to never have to worry about birth control again. That chapter of my life (fertility) is closed and I’m really happy about it.

That's good    I'm sure it's nice not to have to worry!   Nice to get a few days off work too