Boyer Sisters Part 6: Two Left Limping Along

[Georgiana]

27 minutes ago, ladyamylynn said:

Black women have been told for generations that the natural state of their well-cared for and clean hair is dirty, unprofessional, and unkempt. This still occurs. They are practically forced into damaging, costly, and time consuming treatments to alter the texture of their hair to make it more palatable to the white gaze. The fact that many have turned this into an art and have gorgeously styled hair is a testament to ingenuity in the face of oppression.  Charlotte can go fuck herself with that white privilege. And frankly her hair looked better before.

Yes!  A good example of this, for anyone curious, is the incident where Giuliana Rancic criticized Zendaya for sporting dreadlocks at the Oscars, saying she must have smelled of incense and weed (because evidently that hairstyle means you're "dirty").  If you look at photos of Zendaya's look, her hair is gorgeously styled and VERY OBVIOUSLY clean.  Here's an article on it: http://people.com/tv/zendaya-blasts-giuliana-rancic-for-criticizing-her-oscars-dreadlocks/

But this is the kind of push back that high-profile CELEBRITIES receive for their immaculately groomed hair.  How much more push do we think regular people without a platform to fight back get?  What about the people who can't afford to spend hundreds on a hairstyle? 

The Natural Hair movement is in many ways an act of rebellion.  It is a rebellion against a society that wants to view intrinsically black or brown traits as lesser.  It is a rebellion against a value system that encourages black and brown people to view their own bodies as lesser, except in the ways in which their bodies conform to white beauty standards.  Charlotte isn't rebelling against shit.  She's not fighting a powerful hegemonic force that tells her she's innately unworthy.  She woke up one morning and was like "I'm not going to straighten my hair" much in the way I woke up this morning and decided to put my hair into space buns.  There's nothing riding on this for Charlotte.  The worst thing that could happen to her is she goes back to straightening her hair in a safe and easy manner.

The two are worlds apart, and the fact that Charlotte thinks they're equivalent shows just how much of an absolute ignoramus she is.  

[catlady]

1 minute ago, Georgiana said:

She woke up one morning and was like "I'm not going to straighten my hair" much in the way I woke up this morning and decided to put my hair into space buns. 

May The Fourth be with you.

[Georgiana]

3 minutes ago, catlady said:

May The Fourth be with you.

And also with you.  (sorry, Catholic training dies hard)

I'm going to a wedding tonight, and it is my assumption that if you get married on May 4th, that is because you want your guests to come in a Star Wars theme.  I feel this is a very safe assumption, and if this is NOT what the bride and groom were intending, they are simply wrong.  

(99.99% sure it absolutely is what they are intending)  

[Pianokeeper]

I wore space buns to work today, myself! 

Charlotte, along with the rest of the Boyers, from what I can tell, just don't get how many people their opinions (and actions based on those opinions) hurt, and hurt deeply.  I suspect this is in large part because they live in an echo chamber of self-reinforcing beliefs.  As long as they all keep reassuring each other that yes, yes, it's only those craaaazy liberals that care about a certain issue, then that side of that issue is immediately taboo and bad and no more to be considered seriously.  It's an us versus them idiocy that eliminates the need to have the difficult and sometimes divisive conversations with their loved ones -- or even with themselves, internally! 

I suspect, though, that this reliance on the opinions of that same closed circle is actually part of why Jessica and Charlotte are both floundering.  I can't imagine it's good for the human soul or mind to go so unexplored.  Where's the essential oil for that?* 

* THAT IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, JESSICA.  We don't need an essential oil post about it.  We really, really don't.  

[apandaaries]

Since culture and hair seem to be the way our thread is drifting, I'm going to link to this article about how Mexican revolutionary women (and Hopi women) inspired Princess Leia's hair: http://remezcla.com/culture/princess-leia-hair-buns/

[Flossie]

I was going to suggest that maybe this Charlotte didn't understand the hair issue, but then I remembered she referenced the Natural Hair Movement in relation to a post where she decided to accept her hair's own natural nature.  I think she's still not really up on what it means, she probably only heard that black women in increasing numbers were starting to "go back to nature" in regards to their hair.  She probably never looked farther than that.  I know I didn't.

Now I need to know where I can see "Good Hair". 

[nickelodeon]

She absolutely doesn't understand what she's talking about, which is the problem. The stigma against black women's hair and bodies has very real economic consequences, with black women being turned down at job interviews for "unkempt hair", or cited at work for "needing to brush their hair" despite being perfectly well groomed. Charlotte never intends to work a day job, so of course she doesn't understand - and she doesn't realize how clueless she sounds trying to claim that she does.

[Lurky]

@Flossie If you like podcasts, 99% Invisible recently had a 'cast by Leila Day, talking about the Hair Chart, and it's a really nice introduction to various issues about Black women and hair.  But as everyone says, Black women are so often stigmatised for their hair in ways that white women just aren't.   An afro is seen as "unprofessional" while my lank straight hair is just fine, and that's just the start of it.  So many Black women just can't win, with almost every option (braids, locks, afro, cut it very short) having a ton of stigma, while relaxers and weaves are expensive and time consuming.   It's absolutely no problem at all if women choose relaxers/weaves, just like if white women choose colouring, perms etc etc - BUT they should be a choice, not an extra hurdle to jump if a woman wants even a basic job, or to be treated with respect.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this podcast - it covers a lot of ground, and is really engaging - and there are some good links in the post

https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/the-hair-chart/

[CoalMiningGuy]

My Love read over my shoulder and said: "The only one of the three young woman whose hair looks good is Brigid. It looks healthy and well taken care of." That coming from a person who spends much of her time in a online forum for long haired people says enough. 

I like Jessicas hair too, probably very similar to that of my Love.....;) at least the texture. 

I wish those three (does anyone belief Brigid is in any way better then the other two?) would actually interact with people from other backgrounds, countries and belief systems. A week with my adopted brother would do them a world of good. (Person of Color, long hair and of dubious religion I can not identify...)

[catlady]

@CoalMiningGuy, i've been thinking recently about whether Brigid is any better (or better off) than her sisters.  yes, she presents differently; being a wife and mother likely occupies her day enough that she doesn't have time to navel-gaze like J&C.  the singing and vintage fashion were apparently her hobbies, and she's still sewing.   running her household and looking after her baby may have ended up giving her some much-needed reality checks, so that she's probably just plain busy all day.   but she was still raised in the Boyer home, and is likely still of the same mindset.  her second blog post under her new banner gave shades of transphobia in that she insisted that all women need to revel in their femininity and dress the part.  we don't know how restrictive her current life is, or how much of it is her own choice (although her parents didn't really prep her for any life other than the one she's living); she's been very private about her married life--and her privacy is supported by pretty much everyone here--so all we can do is guess that she's being truthful when she presents that she's happy with her life.  

and that's the primary difference--she puts forward a better picture of contentment than J&C.  Brigid is showing us that she found a comfortable niche, but she's still a product of her parents' upbringing, and Gabe hasn't given any indication that he's any more liberal than the Boyers.  so there's no reason to believe that Brigid's differences with her sisters go any further than how she fills her days.  like many people here, i want to like her, but that little voice in the back of my brain keeps reminding me otherwise.

[acheronbeach]

On 2018-04-21 at 9:38 PM, usedbicycle said:

OMG that's Levi in their Easter pic! His instagram has the same picture of him. He must be a decent guy if Brigid has no issues staying friends with him.

Shallow and not particularly relevant: I think he looks super handsome here, as if he's just stepped out of an old-time detective film.

[CoalMiningGuy]

I have read the blog post where she went on about dresssing oneself. I see a deeply insecure person telling others why she dresses like she does. I am truly wondering if her Husband pushes the 1800 Fashion on her. She seemed to enjoy the war era fashion more....... 

I feel like it is too easy to influence some people’s attire. When my Love accompanies me to church ( Roman Catholic German style - so not very conservative normally) I catch myself giving her a shawl for bare shoulders and hinting at her to wear a dress rather then pants. At first she wore what she normally wore - now she has one dress she wears to church and for nothing else. 

So I truly wonder how I am any better then Brigids Husband, especially since my love does not share my faith. At all. She respects it greatly and supports me 100 percent. I find myself not being able to do that for her. 

[Pianokeeper]

7 hours ago, CoalMiningGuy said:

I have read the blog post where she went on about dresssing oneself. I see a deeply insecure person telling others why she dresses like she does. I am truly wondering if her Husband pushes the 1800 Fashion on her. She seemed to enjoy the war era fashion more....... 

I feel like it is too easy to influence some people’s attire. When my Love accompanies me to church ( Roman Catholic German style - so not very conservative normally) I catch myself giving her a shawl for bare shoulders and hinting at her to wear a dress rather then pants. At first she wore what she normally wore - now she has one dress she wears to church and for nothing else. 

So I truly wonder how I am any better then Brigids Husband, especially since my love does not share my faith. At all. She respects it greatly and supports me 100 percent. I find myself not being able to do that for her. 

It's great that you can recognize this about yourself and your relationship!  Just remember the word "yet" makes a huge difference, both in your conversations with others and internally, with yourself. 

For example: "I find myself not being able to do that for her yet." 

See? Voila. Now we have a path, not just resignation.  

[Palimpsest]

I do rather like Brigid, although I'm sure she is as narrow-minded and under-educated as her sisters (and Gabe) in the way she sees the world.  It is because I see potential for her (and Gabe) to break out of the mold a bit, given time.  Perhaps a lot of time.

Just going by the blog posts and videos Brigid has always seemed less scatterbrained, more focused, and more self-directed than her sisters.  And, seriously, she had to work hard at it to become such a talented seamstress.  Much of that was pre-Gabe.  She was also the acknowledged force behind the vintage flair of the blog, and possibly behind the singing group as well.  None of them seem to be pursuing their singing, and that is rather a pity.

I think Brigid is probably very content and busy these days because her life is following the required pattern of marriage and motherhood.  I don't think she is being forced into making 1800 clothes.  I can easily believe that she really enjoys researching the fashions and hand sewing the dresses and corsets.  It is an interest she shares with Gabe, not one he forces onto her, IMO.

Jessica and Charlotte are also talented in their own ways.  I'm not going to comment on Charlotte's web designs because I don't know enough about it, but her photos are good.  Jessica can draw rather well, but doesn't seem to be working at it.  They just flit from one new fad to the next.

What I object to with Jess and Charlotte is that they can't seem to get it together and knuckle down to work on anything.  Not even on their MLM "business."  Their presentations and blog posts on EOs are very superficial, bumbling, and incompetent.  They actually deserve to fail.

[refugee]

On 5/3/2018 at 11:14 AM, nickelodeon said:

Charlotte's like

Given that she apparently doesn't believe that white privilege exists, I doubt she understands what's at stake in the Natural Hair Movement at all...

Sorry, I’m clueless. I’m learning (kids in secular college are wonderful instructors in Culture 101 for ex-fundie parents), but the Natural Hair Movement has not yet come up in my reorientation to society. Help, please?

ETA: I am (something) enough that it seems to me the shirt and model do not seem to go together at all. I want to say “alert” or “aware” but that’s not it. I am groggy and feeling brainless today after a week of working overtime to meet deadlines.

On 5/3/2018 at 1:34 PM, formergothardite said:

Not surprised she doesn't believe in white privilege. The whole family seems to be on the intentionally clueless side. Gabe struggled with the idea that the history he loved might be white washed. 

Yes. Before they moved east, they were going to a church that espoused Doug Wilson and others who believed and taught that slavery was a good thing, and idolized books written in the 1800s that referred to non-Europeans as “savages”, just for starters.

Horrible people. (The mom seemed nice, but the dad was an arrogant asshole.)

[Carm_88]

Brigid to me has a focus that the other two lack. Charlotte and Jessica float along and hope that something will just come to them. They really are waiting for Prince Charming and they will actually change themselves for him. There's nothing that makes them uniquely them. 

[refugee]

On 5/4/2018 at 8:50 AM, ladyamylynn said:

Black women have been told for generations that the natural state of their well-cared for and clean hair is dirty, unprofessional, and unkempt. This still occurs. They are practically forced into damaging, costly, and time consuming treatments to alter the texture of their hair to make it more palatable to the white gaze. The fact that many have turned this into an art and have gorgeously styled hair is a testament to ingenuity in the face of oppression.  Charlotte can go fuck herself with that white privilege. And frankly her hair looked better before.

Ah, okay. I should have kept reading before commenting. Thanks for this explanation.

On 5/4/2018 at 10:23 AM, Pianokeeper said:

I wore space buns to work today, myself! 

Charlotte, along with the rest of the Boyers, from what I can tell, just don't get how many people their opinions (and actions based on those opinions) hurt, and hurt deeply.  I suspect this is in large part because they live in an echo chamber of self-reinforcing beliefs.  As long as they all keep reassuring each other that yes, yes, it's only those craaaazy liberals that care about a certain issue, then that side of that issue is immediately taboo and bad and no more to be considered seriously.  It's an us versus them idiocy that eliminates the need to have the difficult and sometimes divisive conversations with their loved ones -- or even with themselves, internally! 

I suspect, though, that this reliance on the opinions of that same closed circle is actually part of why Jessica and Charlotte are both floundering.  I can't imagine it's good for the human soul or mind to go so unexplored.  Where's the essential oil for that?* 

* THAT IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, JESSICA.  We don't need an essential oil post about it.  We really, really don't.  

You’re right. iSTM that a lot of young women their age in their culture are floundering. Their only hope for becoming adults in their world is to attract a man who is willing to marry them. Think Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice (the 6-hour miniseries is much-loved by that crowd). 

The alternative is eternal functional childhood.

ETA: some that I know are now working in coffee shops, one runs a sort-of food cart operation, but college is heavily discouraged in their culture (maybe okay for a spiritually mature male who can hold his own and defend his faith), so the most common outlets seem to be working with food or volunteering at the local anti-abortion organization or having an Etsy business. Food and handiwork are appropriately feminine, don’t you know.

edit again: And of course, working does not mean independence. They still live with their parents.

[Marionette]

I have always been into vintage fashion, but the Boyer Sisters actually helped me realize that dressing with a vintage flair can be tasteful even today. They inspired me to get more involved in it, so I can give them that. I chopped all my hair off and have been sporting a curly bob with crew-neck cardigans and A-line skirts for over a year now, and it's awesome. Not to mention, Brigid got me into sewing, but I still have a long ways to go haha

Anyway, I was really saddened when they ended their singing, and eventually their vintage blogging. Being a leetle "crunchy," having been raised with alternative health, I had a few hopes for B-well. But honestly, I think their blog would be way more helpful if they would do more recipes & ideas, versus trying to SELL me YL oils. They could totally post stuff like healthy food recipes or whatnot in addition to their DIY skin/hair/etc. concoctions. After doing tons of brand research, I chose a non-MLM brand that is just as (if not more?) trustworthy than YL. I know that being a part of an MLM requires you to sell, but they are really not convincing me.

And all the emotional-balance/super-spiritual EO idealogy is weird to even me. I dunno. If EOs indeed don't work at all, at least they smell good. I'm sensitive to artificial smells, so you know. Now I'm just rambling.

[wikinggirl]

Looks like Charlotte has seasonal allergies. But she isn't taking any medicine (but she will try a cleanse...) because you know allergies starts in your gut! 

[EowynW]

2 hours ago, wikinggirl said:

Looks like Charlotte has seasonal allergies. But she isn't taking any medicine (but she will try a cleanse...) because you know allergies starts in your gut! 

I disagree about the cleanse but the whole gut can affect allergies thing isn't complete woo. I used to suffer from terrible allergies but when I started eating a more anti inflammation diet per drs orders, mine cleared up about 80%. Mr. EW's asthma and allergies are easier to control if he's on top of his diet as well. 

[refugee]

My brother swears by sinus flushing. I bought the required stuff but haven’t gotten up the nerve yet to shoot saline up my nose.

[EowynW]

2 minutes ago, refugee said:

My brother swears by sinus flushing. I bought the required stuff but haven’t gotten up the nerve yet to shoot saline up my nose.

We do it. We use the squeeze bottle. Always use distilled water. I was terrified at first but it does help. I do it a couple times a week in the bad seasons. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

39 minutes ago, EowynW said:

I disagree about the cleanse but the whole gut can affect allergies thing isn't complete woo. I used to suffer from terrible allergies but when I started eating a more anti inflammation diet per drs orders, mine cleared up about 80%. Mr. EW's asthma and allergies are easier to control if he's on top of his diet as well. 

I absolutely agree attention to nutrition has many health benefits. That's what kills me about the Boyer sister's. They aren't channeling a valid interest into something beneficial to themselves and society at large. They are throwing out the science of "alternative" medicine to embrace the woo part. 

[Carm_88]

I don't even know what's going on here. 

[closetcagebaby]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I don't even know what's going on here. 

She’s wearing a t shirt for a start up accelator program. She’s working for her dad’s start up. They’re probably partners.