Boyer Sisters Part 6: Two Left Limping Along

[NachosFlandersStyle]

The latest blog post is just bizarre. Apparently the girls have a really rocky relationship with their mom, and they're vagueblogging about it... to celebrate mother's day? Charlotte says she was thinking of moving out until her mom started going to therapy. Dang.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I just love how Charlotte says their repaired relationship is all god’s Work. Ummm, please give some credit to your mom’s therapist.

Although there was a lot of vague booking, this is what I gathered:

Ma Boyer had a difficult childhood that affected her relationships with her daughters. She was emotionally closed off or distant. There seems to have been plenty of disagreements. Enough to make Charlotte want to move out. Their dad was not like this so she became closer with her dad growing up. 

[SilverBeach]

On 5/4/2018 at 10:50 AM, ladyamylynn said:

Black women have been told for generations that the natural state of their well-cared for and clean hair is dirty, unprofessional, and unkempt. This still occurs. They are practically forced into damaging, costly, and time consuming treatments to alter the texture of their hair to make it more palatable to the white gaze. The fact that many have turned this into an art and have gorgeously styled hair is a testament to ingenuity in the face of oppression.  Charlotte can go fuck herself with that white privilege. And frankly her hair looked better before.

Black woman here. I could write a book about my hair over the years. 

On 5/4/2018 at 11:34 AM, Georgiana said:

The Natural Hair movement is in many ways an act of rebellion.  It is a rebellion against a society that wants to view intrinsically black or brown traits as lesser.

The black is beautiful movement of the sixties and seventies was the real natural hair movement. Everybody had a big afro, including me!

[Grimalkin]

     Wow, that latest blog post was hard to read. It’s funny because I was wondering why Mr. and Mrs. Boyer didn’t try and get some help for their daughters because they seem to need it. I know they are adults but they could still try. Then I thought, they probably don’t believe in therapy. Looks like they are okay with it and even benefited from it. I guess i don’t know if it was offered or suggested so I shouldn’t  judge. It just blows my mind.

[refugee]

6 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

The latest blog post is just bizarre. Apparently the girls have a really rocky relationship with their mom, and they're vagueblogging about it... to celebrate mother's day? Charlotte says she was thinking of moving out until her mom started going to therapy. Dang.

I really-really-really hope it's not nouthetic counseling (or whatever they're calling it these days).

[nastyhobbitses]

On 5/8/2018 at 11:09 PM, refugee said:

My brother swears by sinus flushing. I bought the required stuff but haven’t gotten up the nerve yet to shoot saline up my nose.

After reading about N. fowleri (basically amoeba that lives in warm water and if it goes up your nose IT LITERALLY FUCKING EATS YOUR BRAIN), I am terrified of Neti Pots and sinus flushing. I'd like to keep my brain uneaten by murderous amoeba, thank you very much. 

[KnittingOwl]

12 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

After reading about N. fowleri (basically amoeba that lives in warm water and if it goes up your nose IT LITERALLY FUCKING EATS YOUR BRAIN), I am terrified of Neti Pots and sinus flushing. I'd like to keep my brain uneaten by murderous amoeba, thank you very much. 

You really shouldn’t use water directly from the tap for a neti pot. I use distilled water, but you could also boil the water for at least one minute and then let it cool before using. 

https://www.cdc.gov/parasites/naegleria/sinus-rinsing.html

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

That's what I've heard, too, @KnittingOwl. The amoeba thing does sound just awful, though. If I ever try a neti pot, I'm definitely sticking to distilled water!

[CurlyWurly]

I can't get my head around the latest post.  Of course it's very common to have problems relating to a parent, I myself have one with some narcissistic tendencies, but posting about it publicly, with photos of the parent in question, and on Mothers' Day?  I just don't get it.  

Quote

I’m going to be blunt here and spell it out plain as day: our family is a very dysfunctional one. I don’t care how perfect we may seem in the pictures we post or the articles we write; much of the behind-the-scenes you haven’t seen over the past 2-3 years has been soul-wrecking to the heaviest degree.

I get that their propensity is obviously not for privacy but this is very much airing their dirty laundry in public.  I don't think it comes off as relatable or open, just really very rude and inconsiderate.

[RosiePosie]

11 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

The latest blog post is just bizarre. Apparently the girls have a really rocky relationship with their mom, and they're vagueblogging about it... to celebrate mother's day? Charlotte says she was thinking of moving out until her mom started going to therapy. Dang.

http://boyersisters.com/2018/05/holding-out-for-your-mom-on-mothers-day/

I am so shocked that this is a blog post.  I understand that Mothers Day is painful for many people and these sorts of stories get shared on anonymous internet forums all the time.  But as a personal blog post? With identifying details and a photo of your mom? On actual Mothers Day?!!!  I can't even...

[CoalMiningGuy]

 

Quote

hellobwellThis is our beautiful Mother, Kathleen Boyer. She did not grow up in a Jesus-loving home. She was taught to hide all flaws under the rug and just keep dancing out her life like she didn’t care. But one day she danced right into Dad’s arms. From then on, God began to change the course of her life.

As a young girl, teen and finally adult, she lacked the example of true maternal love. Just love from her family, really. And for many as years as I can remember, I’ve seen her struggle to love us and be loved back. She fought her own inadequacies as mother so that we girls could live the life she never had.

I used to misunderstand my Mom’s struggles. I used to get angry at her unpredictable emotions. But as we’ve both grown in Jesus’ unconditional love, I’ve come to learn that my precious Mother has spent most of her life in fear, and her emotions are only a product of her broken past.

God’s transformations are not always quick. But they’re timed perfectly. In these spans of time He’s teaching each one of us how to receive Christ’s love and give it away again that we might become as lovely as He.

Don’t define your mother by her imperfections. She’s defined by Christ. Love her unconditionally. Honor and respect her on the path God ordained for her. And if the miles separate you now, may you be the first to close the gap and return to her the love she’s always dreamed would come from your own precious heart.

Here’s to our beautiful mothers who live their life as best they know how. Here’s to long posts that bleed the love of their daughters. Here’s to Christ’s healing work! Here’s to the joy we find in Him. Happy Mother’s day!

This kind of disrespect and arrogance is astonishing. Never would I talk like this about my mother. But it does explain why they are so father focused. ( Do not know how Brigid thinks) I bet the problem of her not being able to "love as a mother" does not root in her upbringing but might also stem from a postpartum depression. Or a thousand other things. 
 

[Palimpsest]

It is Mother's Day so let's throw Mama under the bus!  I hope they had her permission.

And I was about to pull exactly the same quote as @CurlyWurly.  Yes, they are a dysfunctional family.  And it was 2 - 3 years ago they moved, IIRC.

This Mothers Day, if you are dealing with a dysfunctional parent, I encourage you to hold out for them. Keep praying for them. Show tough love to them. But whatever you do, don’t pull away or sweep the shame under the rug.

So what the flying fuck did she do?  Fail to be your "best friend"?  Actually mothers should be mothers first.  Your relationship may grow into friendship when you mature and become adult yourself (hint, you are a very immature 18 year old.) 

Or was she just a bit distant. Or tell you to get down to work at something, anything?  Or tell Jessica to get over her broken engagement?

Or did Mama have an affair?  Rob a bank?  Start dealing drugs?  You left the door open to all that speculation, Charlotte.

Charlotte concludes:

Quote

Your family isn’t meant to have an ideal life that composes perfect Instagram photos & captions. It’s meant to be a story of broken redemption that draws you closer to Christ, and further away from the world. Hold onto this fact tenaciously, pursue God relentlessly, and pursue your parents even when it feels like the hardest thing you could possibly do.

No family has an "ideal" life.  Everyone has problems.  It sounds as though Mrs Boyer did not have a "perfect" childhood either.

And you conceited little rat, Charlotte.  I hope your mother can forgive you for calling her dysfunctional on the internet.

Spoiled little rich girls.

[CoalMiningGuy]

And the father is clapping. Check out the comments wich praise them. I can not eat as much as I wanna puke. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hope these girls (I say girls on purpose) have a little more empathy for their mother once they become mothers themselves. Because it’s the most difficult job I’ve ever had and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. 

[formergothardite]

Damn, that was harsh. So basically Mama Boyer wasn't the Pinterest mother Charlotte wanted and she is bitter about it. Also she and Jessica ranted at their mother. And all she ever wanted was her mom to have a breakdown? Charlotte is not a pleasant person. 

[Carm_88]

Quote

As a young teen, I really didn’t understand this. I just was bitter, and I sought solace by building my relationship with my Dad. I thought my Mom was living in sin, and that she needed to repent and move on. 

Happy Mother's Day Mom, I'm a bitter spoiled brat. You may have done everything for me and may continue to do everything for me but you didn't worship me, so you're not good enough. 

Quote

You are messed up. Your parents are messed up. If you both are children of God, however, there is hope. 

I may be messed up but I am not so messed up that I would shame my mother on the internet for Mother's Day. 

Cheers to all the FJ mothers raising their kids to be functional adults! Have a bottle of wine and celebrate you!  

[Palimpsest]

Quote

cgboyerWow. I’m so thankful to have understanding daughters. Soli Deo Gloria.

Well, isn't that sweet.  So he saw that post as "understanding."  And Latin too. Bless his heart.  What an anguis in herba (snake in the grass) of a husband.  

Aegroto, dum anima est, spes esse dicitur  (it is said that for a sick man, there is hope as long as there is life.)

And look at those two spoiled brats of yours.  There is no understanding in that post - just self-pity, self-satisfaction, superiority, and arrogance. 

Quote

I remember one day in particular when Jess and I were having it out at Mom, ranting about her behavior of late, trying to shake sense into her. Her response was completely unexpected. After so many years of witnessing her adding more and more bricks to the wall surrounding her heart each time someone would confront her, at that moment she actually began breaking it down to let us in.

You little bitches.  You nagged and raged at her until she broke down.  And you are proud of this.  SMH.

[CTRLZero]

Quote

For quite a few months, actually, I was very close to just leaving home and all of the dysfunction.

This may be the best thing for these stunted young women.  Leave.  Get some experience in the wider world.  I can't believe (well, yes, I can) that the patriarch is egging the daughters on from the sidelines.

I can't wait for the Father's Day post.

12 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Cheers to all the FJ mothers raising their kids to be functional adults! Have a bottle of wine and celebrate you!

Functional adult achieved.  Bottle of wine at the ready to celebrate. 

[singsingsing]

Wow. I totally understand needing to talk about your unhealthy relationship and/or issues with a parent, but a public blog where they're identified by name and photo is definitely not the way to do it. These girls need a counselor. Or a friend. This just looks like an act of total desperation. They need to vent but they have no outlet, so they're oversharing in a completely inappropriate way on their blog.

It's like watching a slow motion train wreck. And as ignorant and silly and often downright appalling as they can be, I still find myself hoping that... I don't know. They have some epiphanies. Learn the art of introspection. Gain humility. Embrace critical thinking. They're just so young, and it would be such a shame if they chose to remain the way they are. A complete waste.

I do have this nagging thought that maybe I'm giving them too much credit, though. That maybe they're just simply too stupid to really change. I know that sounds unkind, but the truth is that there are a lot of frankly really stupid people in the world. Combine that with religious indoctrination and lack of education and it's a tough hill to climb. Girls, if you're reading this, I really hope you prove me wrong.

[Jana814]

Completely nuts!!  I don't get why they would put this on their blog. 

I have not read much of their blog is it really father focused?  

[nastyhobbitses]

So let me get this straight: Mom wasn't sufficiently drunk on Jeebus, didn't sufficiently act like she lived in the goddamn Handmaid's Tale, and occasionally fucked up and had emotions and/or other priorities, so let's fucking drag her in a melodramatic blog post where we admit to berating her until she cried and act like she was an inferior mother because she didn't grow up steeped in fundie Kool-Aid.

Wow, fuck these ungrateful brats. 

[Palimpsest]

26 minutes ago, CTRLZero said:

I can't believe (well, yes, I can) that the patriarch is egging the daughters on from the sidelines.

Honestly.  It makes me wonder how much unhealthy enmeshment, emotional incest, and triangulation goes on in that family.  They drew so much closer to Daddy - Jess "sought solace by building my relationship with my Dad."  They think it is just fine to "rant" at Mom and "shake some sense" into her.  And tell her she should "repent."   And Daddy Dearest approves.  We call it Botkin syndrome for a reason.

Unless Mom was actively having an affair or engaging in criminal activity I find their behavior unacceptable and disrespectful.  And even an affair might be none of their damn business.

The worst things they specify about her are that she was distant, not a "best friend," and has "unpredictable emotions."  And that last seems it could be hereditary.

[singsingsing]

Charlotte claims she had her mom's blessing to post this. I really hope that's true. I hope her mom read every sentence of that post, considered it, and freely and confidently chose to give them the go-ahead. 

I wonder if Charlotte realizes how her post actually comes across to an outsider. Because in a nutshell, it basically reads like this: "Our mom is seriously messed up and way too emotional. I wanted a close relationship with her but she was too screwed up to make that possible. One day Jessica and I were berating her and once again trying to make her see how awful she was, and we FINALLY broke her down! Praise Jesus! She finally just cracked and admitted to us why she's been so awful over the years. Then she and my dad went to counseling, and they made her see that her awfulness wasn't really her fault, but she needed more Jesus. Thank God we showed 'tough love' to our mom and bullied her for so long because now she's a good Christian. PTL!"

The problem is that Charlotte's chosen to share just enough vague details to make her and Jessica look like complete and utter assholes. Is there more to the story? Maybe! But how would the casual blog reader know that? All they would see is a woman seemingly struggling with some mental health issues and her two awful daughters praising themselves for being so awful to her that they finally wore her down.

[RosiePosie]

The way they talk about "tough love" and breaking her down makes it sound like the way some people deal with alcohol and drug abuse in the family.  But what they describe sounds more like she was emotionally unavailable for whatever reason, while they were emotionally labile.  Everything I've skimmed on that blog is astonishing.  The sisters sound full of themselves to the point of stupidity.  

[NachosFlandersStyle]

They're willing to talk about Mom's problems, but what do you want to bet we'll never hear one critical word about Dad?