Boyer Sisters Part 6: Two Left Limping Along

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

I’ve always felt kinda sorry for these girls, but honestly this post is just appalling. For me, all Charlotte accomplished was making herself and her sister sound like absolute wretched daughters. 

[RosiePosie]

I'm sorry, I've only just signed up and I can't shut up, but...  I can't!!!  They are not isolated fundys, they go to church. Their mom had to go to church after THAT post had been posted for the world to see!  I hope someone took the daughters aside and gave them an earful. Dear me! Whatever happened to buying a hallmark card and a bunch of flowers and giving your mother some peace for one day of the year?!

[FundiesInParis]

That’s definitely the quickest that my sympathy has ever dried up for someone. Charlotte and Jessica have shown us their true selves and they’re ugly to the core. 

[closetcagebaby]

So, unpopular opinion, I'm sure, but I am sometimes very disappointed in the way the Boyer sisters are talked about here. Recently in the Naugler threads, there was discussion about the Anti-Nogs and how they've used gendered slurs towards us here at FJ. It's really awful, in my opinion, to then come over here and see the same type of things being said about these young women, who we know for a fact read here. 

There is a lot to criticize about them, sure. Even their blog post today (though honestly I think I probably wrote something very similarly dramatic at some point - thank god I didn't have a larger audience). But calling them stupid bitches? I don't see how that's anything but BEC and it really grosses me out.

I think I'm also a little bit "protective" of them because I'm around the same age and I can see a lot of similarities between us. I'm definitely not a fundie and I moved across the country when I was 17, but a lot of that was due to a really awful relationship with my mom and I'm wondering how much of their post was trying to express a real frustration within this narrow set of ideas they have to work with. 

[singsingsing]

The thing that really strikes me about Charlotte's post is how shockingly self-congratulatory and totally lacking in humility it is.

Unless I missed it, there's not a single line about Jessica and Charlotte reflecting on their own behaviour. Charlotte reflects on the way they related to their mother, but note that it's all about their own mindset and how it affected them. 

Not a single acknowledgement that perhaps the way they treated their mother in the past was immature, mean-spirited, or unhelpful. Nothing. Nada.

It's quite incredible, actually. They come across as total narcissists. Completely self-absorbed, convinced of their own superiority, shockingly entitled, and seriously lacking in empathy.

[FundiesInParis]

26 minutes ago, closetcagebaby said:

So, unpopular opinion, I'm sure, but I am sometimes very disappointed in the way the Boyer sisters are talked about here. Recently in the Naugler threads, there was discussion about the Anti-Nogs and how they've used gendered slurs towards us here at FJ. It's really awful, in my opinion, to then come over here and see the same type of things being said about these young women, who we know for a fact read here. 

There is a lot to criticize about them, sure. Even their blog post today (though honestly I think I probably wrote something very similarly dramatic at some point - thank god I didn't have a larger audience). But calling them stupid bitches? I don't see how that's anything but BEC and it really grosses me out.

I think I'm also a little bit "protective" of them because I'm around the same age and I can see a lot of similarities between us. I'm definitely not a fundie and I moved across the country when I was 17, but a lot of that was due to a really awful relationship with my mom and I'm wondering how much of their post was trying to express a real frustration within this narrow set of ideas they have to work with. 

 I can agree with you on the usage of gendered slurs, I don’t really think they’re appropriate in any context, but I also understand the strong reactions that cause them.

I can also understand your point about writing a dramatic vent post and posting it because we’re all pretty stupid at 18. (I think Charlotte’s 18?)

But my anger comes at the content of the post and how they frame themselves. In a mother’s day post they wrote about driving their mother to tears and of how sinful they found her and tried to frame it as a deep and authentic lifestyle blogpost. The Boyer sisters at least at one point in time were fairly large in the vision forum circle, and unlike the Maxwell’s they attend a physical church, their mother now has that hanging above her head in every interaction she has within those circles. 

And to make matters worse, their father seems to be egging them on from the sidelines. 

I really do have to wonder just how narrow their sphere to work within is, and how much of it has just been us giving them the benefit of the doubt. 

I do hope that you’ve found some sort of peace with your mom though. 

[hoipolloi]

26 minutes ago, closetcagebaby said:

I'm wondering how much of their post was trying to express a real frustration within this narrow set of ideas they have to work with. 

Not buying that.

We know they read here. Unless they're incredibly stupid and/or functionally illiterate, they must have seen the myriad of excellent suggestions made here on what they might do with themselves beyond public navel-gazing while hawking expensively bogus shite like essential oils. In fact, many of those suggestions would fit quite well with the life choices they & their parents seem to have made. They're obviously not having any of that because it would deflect public attention away from their precious selves. 

N.B. People -- including you, @closetcagebaby -- have fraught relationships with their parents for good reasons. I am not discounting that at all. But even if there were/are good reasons for whatever estrangement existed between Charlotte & Jessica and their mother, this offensive blog post was NOT the way to handle the situation.

As for Daddy Boyer, he's an asshat, but we knew that already. Maybe the best thing for the mom is leave that toxic family set-up. Why on earth should she have to cater to a patriarse like Daddy Boyer or his self-centered SAH daughters?

 

[Palimpsest]

14 minutes ago, closetcagebaby said:

Recently in the Naugler threads, there was discussion about the Anti-Nogs and how they've used gendered slurs towards us here at FJ. It's really awful, in my opinion, to then come over here and see the same type of things being said about these young women, who we know for a fact read here. 

I'll plead guilty to calling them little bitches.  Not stupid.  

Bitch is a term I very rarely use because a.  it is gendered and b. I feel that it is insulting to my female dog, who is very nice to be around.

In this case I think they earned the insult and they are female if not dogs.  Catty doesn't even begin to cover it.  But if you prefer, I'll say that post and 22 year-old Jessica's instagram rant are: 

hateful, malevolent, malicious, malignant, mean, nasty, venomous, vicious and vindictive. 

On mother's day they chose to throw their mother under the bus, claim their usual victim status, and praise themselves for confronting her with her "sins" and demanding her repentance. 

Yes, they read here.  They also need a reality check because they seem to have no idea how they present themselves.  In fact they are very proud of themselves most of the time.

Nothing BEC about it.  I'm done with trying to nice to them.  These are nasty, facile, over-dramatic, little specimens.  They are arrogant about their under-educated status.  They earn money and many head pats for presuming to set themselves up as "Christian" mentors to their peers.  They flog overpriced essential oils to their followers, while making overinflated claims about the products.  

Their advice and their type of "Christianity" are dangerous.

[closetcagebaby]

Thanks @hoipolloi and @FundiesInParis!

I guess I just see this tiny glimmer of potential for them to be happy and successful adults and I so want that for them and the other fundie maidens we talk about. But tip toeing around the damaging stuff they write isn’t really a good way to encourage that, really the opposite. 

I appreciate your responses - they made me think more about my feelings and that’s always good. 

3 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

I'll plead guilty to calling them little bitches.  Not stupid.  

Bitch is a term I very rarely use because a.  it is gendered and b. I feel that it is insulting to my female dog, who is very nice to be around.

In this case I think they earned the insult and they are female if not dogs.  Catty doesn't even begin to cover it.  But if you prefer, I'll say that post and 22 year-old Jessica's instagram rant are: 

hateful, malevolent, malicious, malignant, mean, nasty, venomous, vicious and vindictive. 

On mother's day they chose to throw their mother under the bus, claim their usual victim status, and praise themselves for confronting her with her "sins" and demanding her repentance. 

Yes, they read here.  They also need a reality check because they seem to have no idea how they present themselves.  In fact they are very proud of themselves most of the time.

Nothing BEC about it.  I'm done with trying to nice to them.  These are nasty, facile, over-dramatic, little specimens.  They are arrogant about their under-educated status.  They earn money and many head pats for presuming to set themselves up as "Christian" mentors to their peers.  They flog overpriced essential oils to their followers, while making overinflated claims about the products.  

Their advice and their type of "Christianity" are dangerous.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I absolutely have a knee jerk reaction to words like that, but I can see what is causing the frustration. I guess I’m giving them too much benefit of the doubt. I just wish something would make them see things more realistically. They have potential but they’re keeping themselves small. 

[Palimpsest]

3 minutes ago, closetcagebaby said:

They have potential but they’re keeping themselves small. 

And that is what is so very frustrating about them.  

[Carm_88]

My relationship with my mother is not always great. We've had our ups and downs, will continue to do so. However, I try to be as nice as possible with her, she will not always be here. I don't want to sit down when she has passed away and deal with hurtful words said. Charlotte and Jessica sound like they are emotionally abusing their mother; they want us to congratulate them for that. I don't know how to spin this, because I see nothing good here. 

[NachosFlandersStyle]

@closetcagebaby, I'll own my agree. I also have a knee-jerk reaction to those kinds of statements, and I assure you that if I'm turned off by that language, the sisters feel even more strongly. @Palimpsestand others, I respect where you're coming from, but if Charlotte is ever going to hear a wake-up call, it's not going to be because some stranger on the internet called her a stuck-up bitch. It's not "telling it like it is" or "tough love." It's giving someone who isn't under any obligation to read what we have to say in the first place, permission to write off what we say because we're just rude/jealous/mean/whatever.  (And that's all I want to say on the subject, sorry if I'm derailing)

[singsingsing]

2 minutes ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

@closetcagebaby, I'll own my agree. I also have a knee-jerk reaction to those kinds of statements, and I assure you that if I'm turned off by that language, the sisters feel even more strongly. @Palimpsestand others, I respect where you're coming from, but if Charlotte is ever going to hear a wake-up call, it's not going to be because some stranger on the internet called her a stuck-up bitch. It's not "telling it like it is" or "tough love." It's giving someone who isn't under any obligation to read what we have to say in the first place, permission to write off what we say because we're just rude/jealous/mean/whatever.  (And that's all I want to say on the subject, sorry if I'm derailing)

I'm also not comfortable with the gendered slurs and would prefer they not be used. But I will say that I don't think it's our job to mentor these young women. I think we could probably speak as kindly as possible about them, and they still wouldn't listen - and it's not our responsibility to make them listen. If they read here and something clicks, awesome. If not, oh well.  FJ exists to discuss the dangers of fundamentalism, not to actively convince fundies to change their ways. (Although if they do read here and change their ways, that's awesome!) Just my two cents, and like I said, I agree that gendered slurs should not have a place here. I do think that words like "bitch" have been so common and accepted in our vocabulary for so long that many people don't even realize their implications.

48 minutes ago, closetcagebaby said:

I guess I just see this tiny glimmer of potential for them to be happy and successful adults and I so want that for them and the other fundie maidens we talk about.

You know, I saw a glimmer of potential in them too, and I think that's why I keep coming back to this thread. But with every boneheaded blog post and social media comment I see from them, that glimmer gets fainter and fainter, and I have to wonder if it was just an illusion all along. I hope not, and I hope they can change and grow. But right now they seem content to remain remarkably silly, ignorant and self-absorbed, and I just don't see any sign of that changing. Hopefully it will.

[AliceInFundyland]

Yeah. I don’t understand. This is a really shitty thing to read today. I don’t hang out on social media a lot, and am bad at communicating. It’s been a couple months since mom and I checked in. She has her life. I have mine. But she’s a a darn great mom. We just had our chat. She’s started doing ReadingCorps, which is some kind of Americorps related thing. She’s helping first and second graders read. It’s awesome. 

Also humorous, she went to my cousin’s baby shower. “All these young moms think they know everything. (Me: Yes, apparently there are lots of new rules...carseats, baby slings, sleeping positions) Oh my god! You slept on your tummy all time. Who knew.” ...with a note of complete bewilderment and exasperation.

And, I brought up baby doll Robert. Mom says when grandma was making him for my brother she had to reattach the little private parts at least three times as she was concerned they were too big, too crooked, etc

Yay Moms!

[Coconut Flan]

6 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Damn, that was harsh. So basically Mama Boyer wasn't the Pinterest mother Charlotte wanted and she is bitter about it. Also she and Jessica ranted at their mother. And all she ever wanted was her mom to have a breakdown? Charlotte is not a pleasant person. 

I believe any sympathy I might have had for Charlotte just took off down the road to Mexico.   What an entitled little brat she is.

Mote meet log. 

[adrianne98]

Hi there! 

First time poster here. I stumbled onto the confusing jesus teatime gothic manor wartime fairytale that is the boyer sisters a few years ago. I loved Brigid's patterns and handiwork, but their preachiness and fundmeltalist views left a sour taste in my mouth. Regardless, once in a blue moon I would take a peek at their blog. I found the drama that resulted after Brigid left to be fairly concerning, and eventully found free jinger! I have lurked for awhile but never posted. Their post today was completely shocking and incredibly disrespectful, but it does explain so many things that I have wondered about. 

The boyer sisters, Charlottle in particular, have always confused me because they give out so much advice, but have ultimately accomplished nothing very little of real value. For example, their posts and vidoes on skin care. I don't mean to snark on anyones looks, but both girls have  skin that is still clearly reacting to something in their diet, routines, or hormonal/chemical makeup. For them to act as an authority on skin care makes no sense. 

I think that this preachiness and slight condescenion that these girls give off stems from both their religion, and their relationship with their mom. Though their mom mave have been emotionally dettached, from what is described in the blog post, she also sounds fairly meek. When your famialial dynamic is such that it s appropriate for you to scream at you mother and judge her to be sinful (personally I am not  religious person, just to clarify), what can't you tell people to do? And with the heavy dose of approval coming in from sainted daddy boyer, this behavior is most definately enforced.  

[SilverBeach]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

she will not always be here.

My beloved, sweet, good-hearted mother just died on February 26 of this year. I am 62. At 18, I may have thought I knew everything just like these ungrateful heifers (sorry, not sorry for name calling) do, but boy don't I know better now. I am a mother, and mothers are humans in their own right, with hopes, fears, strengths, and weaknesses just like everybody else. It is easy to demand entirely too much from them. I'm so glad I got to shower my mom with love and attention in her later years (she was 91 when she died), as I had some cringe-worthy behavior of my own towards her when I was younger. Even so, I never would have disparaged her in such a broad platform like the Internet though. On Mother's day no less! Reprehensible!

[Lurky]

I find the family completely fascinating.   It was dad who lost his job and made them move from their old house to this smaller house they complain about, but I don't think I've ever seen them blame him, even though they clearly really hate/resent having to downsize.  Then, as they're in this patriarchal SAHD mindset, surely it was their dad who is pushing that too - or at the very least agreeing with his wife enough to go along with it.   Do they have similar feelings about their dad, or do they just blame their mum for everything?

Plus there was some serious stage parenting going on too, with the Boyer Sisters' music group starting when they were pretty young IIRC - so not their idea, but a parent pushing them into singing for their supper, and having the whole image to go with that.   I really, REALLY wonder which parent was behind that, because if it was their mum, I can get why they might be cross about it.

But where did the decision to give them inadequate SOTDRT education come from?  Who was buying them their hope chests, and encouraging them to do the whole "we're role models" blogging thing?  Just as I'd love to chat with Jill Rod's older sister, I'd love to have a coffee with a family member/friend who has seen all this from a different angle.

ETA I am also interested that they've written all this stuff about their mother that pretty much everyone is having an instinctive reaction that's the opposite of what they hoped for - but what DID they hope for?   I 100% agree the vaguebooking invites all sorts of speculation, and again, I wonder why they did that?   Will they give their mother a right to reply on their blog?  what must it be like for her, with her two daughters talking about what a terrible person she was, and their father (the one who lost everything...) cheering them on? 

[adrianne98]

4 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I find the family completely fascinating.   It was dad who lost his job and made them move from their old house to this smaller house they complain about, but I don't think I've ever seen them blame him, even though they clearly really hate/resent having to downsize.  Then, as they're in this patriarchal SAHD mindset, surely it was their dad who is pushing that too - or at the very least agreeing with his wife enough to go along with it.   Do they have similar feelings about their dad, or do they just blame their mum for everything?

 

I really don't think that they are capable of blaming their dad for anything. I think that this is a cultural and religious thing, and a personal family dynamic thing. I also think that their mom's background, lacking in jesus, makes her an easier target. 

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

@Palimpsestand others, I respect where you're coming from, but if Charlotte is ever going to hear a wake-up call, it's not going to be because some stranger on the internet called her a stuck-up bitch.

Oh, honey.  I'm not posting on Free Jinger to give wake up calls to the Charlottes of this world.  I'm on FJ to call out the Extreme Fundamentalist crap - in the hopes that it might reach people who may fall for the utter poison these people preach.

And to vent.  Sometimes.

My criticism may cause Charlotte to double-down.  She has done so before.  But perhaps some of the Boyer Sisters' followers may google, find us and think twice about following them.  They may then see these two immature, unpleasant, self-involved young women (as they present on their social media) as who they are.  Not role models.  Just very sad and damaged by the Patriarchy young people.

These young "Christian" ladies just shamed their mother publicly, on Mothers' Day.  With the praise of Daddy.  It is sick. 

If you identify with them take a second look at what they preach.  They don't hold back.  They claim to "know" the answers because God.  But they are not exactly "honoring their father and mother" or showing a "meek and quiet spirit" in a Biblical way at all.   If the Biblical stuff is important to you. 

I'm not big on the Bible, and some parents do not deserve honor, but the Boyer Brats behavior in this post is very nasty, by my moral and ethical standards.  YMMV.

Now what are you doing on Free Jinger? 

You do understand that anyone and everyone you have snarked on can read your comments too?  Or do you just pat our snark victims on their nasty little heads, identify with them as they preach evil, and reproach those of us who dare to call them out?

 

 

[refugee]

10 hours ago, RosiePosie said:

http://boyersisters.com/2018/05/holding-out-for-your-mom-on-mothers-day/

I am so shocked that this is a blog post.  I understand that Mothers Day is painful for many people and these sorts of stories get shared on anonymous internet forums all the time.  But as a personal blog post? With identifying details and a photo of your mom? On actual Mothers Day?!!!  I can't even...

Oh. dear. god.

I just now read this. It comes off to me as a complete betrayal of the mom’s confidence. I am feeling sick. This was not their story to tell. How dare they?

Beg pardon for the strong emotions. Someone else told my #metoo story some time back, without asking me if it was even okay with me or giving me the choice to say something publicly or choose to stay private so this was incredibly triggering.

Their situation may be (and is likely) completely different from mine.

55 minutes ago, adrianne98 said:

I really don't think that they are capable of blaming their dad for anything. I think that this is a cultural and religious thing, and a personal family dynamic thing. I also think that their mom's background, lacking in jesus, makes her an easier target. 

Yes. In patriarchy, the father is always right. The mother and/or children are capable of being right just so long as they are in total agreement with the head of household. 

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, Lurky said:

but what DID they hope for?

They did it because at least Charlotte is still super bitter that her mother didn't live up to her fantasies and in her mind she thought everyone would agree with her and heap praise on her poor little long suffering self. Charlotte has created a world in her mind in which she is the victim and her mother is the monster. She sees ranting at her mother till she breaks down as normal, she doesn't see that most people find that horrifying. I don't think they were every encouraged to treat their mother with respect or kindness. 

[FundiesInParis]

Hi Charlotte!! 

I see you trying to save face.

(I follow her page, and it was public when I did. If she’s since gone private feel free to delete this.)

[Carm_88]

Too little, too late. That's just crap! 

[Jana814]

2 hours ago, adrianne98 said:

I really don't think that they are capable of blaming their dad for anything. I think that this is a cultural and religious thing, and a personal family dynamic thing. I also think that their mom's background, lacking in jesus, makes her an easier target. 

Completely agree!!  The Maxwell family is a great example of this!!  They think that Steve is the greatest person who ever walked this earth. They can't imagine marring anyone who is not just like him.