The Hawkins Family

[Coconutwater]

I'm so glad Caryly has a happy normal life. There was a post I saw this morning scrolling through the mess that is Ween's Facebook page that his kids want to go to a Christian or public school and he comments about rape and etc...I feel so bad for the kids. 

[chaotic life]

But Becky had physical custody initially. Who was alienating whom, with all their bigoted hateful crap? What do you think she tells them during their rare visitations, or during any other contact she's allowed to have with them? They said something about how tragic it is that the kids are only allowed "one day of a month" to hear the "truth", so it sure doesn't sound like she's capable of just putting her hatefulness aside and bonding with her kids in a healthy way during their limited time together. At some point, a good parent has to draw a line, if they're able to.

Which is precisely why I would suspect Bro Gary has a great deal to do with her estrangement with her children. And yes, given their father is gay, a change in custody might have occurred due to Gary's campaign about fornication and sodomites. It could have occurred because a RV is no place to house all of those children. And it even might be that she is legally allowed greater access to her children but opts to not take it (my bio-mom only exercised one weekend every 4-6 months and told people my father cut her off from the kids whom she was allowed full phone contact with and refused either because it was required her husband have no contact). But once again, all of those answers point back to Bro Gary being controlling and abusive.

As I said from the start, I am not defending these crazies. I am merely asserting that the forgone conclusion that she was a bad mother and the courts or state cut her contact with her children because she is a bad mother is far less likely than other more nuisanced answers AND that Bro Gary has all the red flags of an abuser to me. That Gary is abusive and the children's father is protecting them from Gary is possible. But he should still be trying to facilitate her contact with her children and that she has to go to court to be allowed phone access is not doing that, nor would that allow Gary access to the children at all.

[RebelliousEscapee]

I do have to wonder whether Gary uses Carl's lifestyle as a method of getting away with coarse or abusive behavior. I.e., something like: "Real men use ROD that KING JAMES BIBLE you ex didn't because he gay fornicator! You don't understand real mans needs!"

I just fear that any and all good parts of Becky's past marriage and parenting habits are going to be dismissed and demeaned by Gary due to that fact.  

[chaotic life]

And I have not experienced a marriage breaking up because one spouse was gay. I can only imagine the betrayal and pain that would make you feel, even if the other spouse was a good and decent person otherwise. I imagine you would have first invested a great deal into feeling quite personally rejected and very much alone in trying to save a marriage and learning it had nothing to do with you might be a huge slap in the face.

Therapy and time to heal would be afar better approach to healing but she wouldn't be the first person I have seen swing into hate and intolerance as a reaction instead.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

15 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

But Becky had physical custody initially. Who was alienating whom, with all their bigoted hateful crap? What do you think she tells them during their rare visitations, or during any other contact she's allowed to have with them? They said something about how tragic it is that the kids are only allowed "one day of a month" to hear the "truth", so it sure doesn't sound like she's capable of just putting her hatefulness aside and bonding with her kids in a healthy way during their limited time together. At some point, a good parent has to draw a line, if they're able to.

And Adrienne is still with Becky. Could it be that the other three chose to be with their father and refuse to see their mother more often? The whole situation is very strange and we can only go by the word of the two bigoted and ignorant idiots, so personally I'd take everything they say with a boatload of salt, included the terrible difficulties they face to visit and contact Becky's other children.

Also when a step parent often rambles about the evil sodomites, says they don't have rights and so on, then you find out his step children's father is gay, if we want to see some parental alienation going on it would be easy to imagine in which direction it goes. In any case as there wasn't an ounce of evidence of abuse on the father part before, now I can't see an ounce of evidence of parental alienation on his part, especially considering that Adrienne is still with Becky.

[General Jinjur]

It sounds to me like Becky chose Bro Ween over her kids. Maybe she'd have more access to them if she had a real house and wasn't constantly traveling. Personally, I believe the worst about Sis Becky.

[formerpastorswife]

So does Sis Becky not see the irony in the fact that her new husband is also a loud and proud ween lover???

[Lurky]

@chaotic life With respect, I understand your personal experiences are colouring your views on this, but the ideas you're putting out there, that all Courts are more likely to be wrong than right in custody cases, and there's never a reason for parents to not spend time with their children, etc, are on the extreme side. 

You can't compare case to case, especially when we don't know anything at all about this one except what Gary puts on his FB - and as @laPapessaGiovanna says, it's clear he's an incredibly unreliable narrator just from the things he says about religion, what's in the Bible etc. 

We don't know Becky had to go to court to get phone access for her kids at all, we only have a Gary word salad suggesting this.  We don't know that she's only allowed 7 hours a month - it could be that because they're on the road preaching so much (and especially at weekends) this is what it ends up with.   But Gary's the kind of man who says that it says in the Bible that Jesus had short hair, and women have to wear skirts to their ankles, and who believes if a woman wears trousers her children will think she's their dad, for example!

There could be thousands of different scenarios here, but I do think it is a reach to paint Gary as controlling and abusive based on the limited evidence, and criticising parenting arrangements, when we have no idea what was behind any court decision, or what the children themselves want, is not helpful.   We just don't know enough here - and we're not even seeing Becky's views on it all, only Gary's. 

I completely understand you're bringing your experience to all this, and I am doing that too - my dad will tell the world he was 'denied access' to me and my siblings, when he chose to live in another country, and he was always upset my mum wanted to spend some of our school holidays with us too, for example.  But I do think Gary is up there with Russell, Sarah-Jane's ex, as someone whose every statement we should treat with caution.

[Four is Enough]

So Bro Gary says all the kids are his.

But I noticed that he said BECKY lost the kids.. so of course it's HER fault, no matter whose the kids are, because  KJB.

[Carol]

4 hours ago, formerpastorswife said:

So does Sis Becky not see the irony in the fact that her new husband is also a loud and proud ween lover???

I can see Becky taking a knife to all those weenies, cackling, with a look bordering on evil.  No wonder she likes to make that dish.

[Nikedagain?]

Gary Hawkins

3 hrs · Groton, NY · 

Ok folks back to Groton NY. Will be here for a couple weeks. Trying to be a help to Bro Michael L Stout and Mrs Jeannine Stout. Looking for to what the LORD has for us.Bro for Bro Michael L Stout.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

 

Lots of Bro'ing going on.

And what does Bro for Bro even mean??

 

[Indigo]

19 hours ago, Spanger said:

 

To be blunt, I have an ex that was gay and closeted, and later came to terms with it once our relationship was over.  This was a 7 ish yr relationship, I was hurt in my own way after finding that out (even tho our relationship was over at that point)  and later realized I had been hurt in certain ways during our relationship by the ways his self-dishonesty manifested.  I'm not upset about it, just sad for both of us that we struggled so hard to be compatible when it wasn't really possible.  Happy for both of us to move on to new lives that are better for each of us.

 

Are we the same person??? This very same thing happened to me  in the 7ish year of our relationship.  You brought tears to my eyes with the comment about not being upset, but just sad struggling so hard to be compatible when it wasn't really possible.

Happy that you've both moved on to new lives that are better for you.  We have too. 

[smittykins]

Groton, NY?  He's dangerously close to me. *shudder*

[formerpastorswife]

Okay folks... so I finally got around to checking Bro Gary out on FB, and I am ashamed to say I have 16 mutual friends with this fruitcake. (Or should I say weencake?) **SEVERELY shakes head** That's like, practically related... GAG (Can you tell I'm a former fundie?)

[Dandruff]

I have a question.  If weenie gravy is man food eating then do Becky and the kids get to have any?

[Gobsmacked]

2 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I have a question.  If weenie gravy is man food eating then do Becky and the kids get to have any?

Would they want any?!

[JillyO]

I can't for the life of me imagine a scenario where the courts would order such extremely limited contact with the mother (only 7 hours of supervised visits per month, restricted phone calls for the longest time) for three kids but would be fine with one sibling living with the mother. Does not compute.

[Curious]

On 9/5/2017 at 5:18 PM, Howl said:

OK, true confession time.  Praise Rufus, one of my SiLs always has a crock pot of little weenies in kind of a sweetish BBQ sauce ready for guests when she hosts family events.  I LOVE them.  AFAIK, these are peculiar to her and are not a regional delicacy.  Bro Hawkins version? Just no. 

Sis Howl

 

 

 

When I was a kid my mom used to make something like this.  I think we put them in a fondue pot to serve, but they were made in a crock pot if I remember.  I don't remember the exact recipe, but I know it was those little smokies hotdogy things, black currant jelly, and mustard.   I can't recall if anything else went in or not but as someone that is not really that fond of hot dogs unless pregnant (no clue why but I would eat the nastiest hot dogs, even the ones with the scary red "skin" when I was pregnant), they were DELICIOUS.

I haven't thought of those for years.  One of the good memories I have of my mom is helping her make appetizers for Super Bowl/New Years parties.

Also, "good weens" should never be used in conversation and pink "ween" gravy is an abomination.  I'd try Duggar style tator tot casserole before I'd brave that stuff.

Finally, this family is a dumpster fire.

On 9/5/2017 at 5:42 PM, Kylolo said:

I have just learned I can no longer use the word "folks" which I do all the time. 

I can no longer because, while I can't change what else I have in common with him (white, Southern), I can change my frequent use of that word. 

ah shoot.  I use folks a lot here because I'm almost always addressing the membership as a whole and not individuals.  There are only so many things you can call a big group of people.   I used to use "guys" a lot.  As in Hi guys, today we blah blah blah.  I found out a lot of people don't like that though so have tried to refrain from using it.

I don't like "Hi members"  that sound impersonal and has potential for people's inner 12-year-olds to surface   

Folks has been my go to. Time to look at a thesaurus

[Curious]

On 9/5/2017 at 5:43 PM, Lurky said:

@luv2laugh I don't understand, facebook is a public website, isn't it?  These are public posts anyone can see, not private/friends only - eg I can see it all without following them.

It's against the FJ rules to screenshot private FB pages, but I'm a bit confused how it is bad form to snark on this case of people begging for money in public, but fine to talk about John Shrader/Derek Dillard/the eleventy other grifters who we talk about every day of the week.

People have the ability to make their facebook settings private/friends only/etc.  If they are posting in public on their personal page, they are fair game just like any other public website would be.   I'm on facebook.   Some other members know who I am and we are friends on facebook.   My page is private though, meaning only people that I have accepted friend requests from can see my page.

So another member here could paraphrase what I post on my facebook page (which would be about as exciting as watching paint dry since I mainly post my coloring pages and my new attempts at learning to draw), but they couldn't take a screenshot and post it here.

Facebook is CONSTANTLY reminding you to check your privacy settings so if someone is posting in public they have made that choice.

On 9/5/2017 at 5:50 PM, DancingPhalanges said:

A recipe for cocktail wieners including grape jelly. 

ah I just googled the recipe we used and found it here:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/cocktail-weiners-in-current-mustard-sauce-1216264

On 9/5/2017 at 6:33 PM, mango_fandango said:

Why why why do these idiots think grifting everything in life is the way to go? It's not even anything to do with poverty if you're begging for expensive stuff. I thought God rewarded those who worked hard and went out to get a living. People like the Rods, Shraders, these idiots etc are just utterly incomprehensible.

Sis mango_fandango 

Aren't most of these people also very staunchly republican?  I thought part of the republican philosophy was the whole "pull yourself up by your bootstraps."  I can't wrap my head around it being ebil to take govt benefits, but being perfectly ok to beg your way through life. 

[Curious]

On 9/5/2017 at 7:27 PM, Nikedagain? said:

we both were victims from fornication

I do not understand this sentence.  First shouldn't it be of not from?  Second, is he trying to say they were victims of adultery and that's why they were both divorced?

[Cleopatra7]

On 9/9/2017 at 9:16 AM, chaotic life said:

And I have not experienced a marriage breaking up because one spouse was gay. I can only imagine the betrayal and pain that would make you feel, even if the other spouse was a good and decent person otherwise. I imagine you would have first invested a great deal into feeling quite personally rejected and very much alone in trying to save a marriage and learning it had nothing to do with you might be a huge slap in the face.

Therapy and time to heal would be afar better approach to healing but she wouldn't be the first person I have seen swing into hate and intolerance as a reaction instead.

Part of the problem is that fundegelicalism and many other conservative religion traditions operate from the twin beliefs that marriage cures all personal and social ills and that any marriage can work if the two parties are faithful Christians/Jews/Muslims/Mormons/whatever. These traditions have a "fake it till you make it" attitude towards marriage in that even if you are not attracted to people of the opposite sex, you can will yourself to do so, because you know that's what god wants. If the marriage doesn't work, it's not only your fault for not trying to be straight enough, but your partners fault for not making you want to be straight. I know Caitlyn Jenner gets a lot of well deserved flack, but the main thing I got from her story is that the "fake it till you make it" approach doesn't work, and trying to overcompensate for sexual or gender identity confusion by getting into a straight marriage, having a gender stereotypical job, and having a bunch of kids only creates victims who get caught in the inevitable fallout.

[Lurky]

Co-signing @Cleopatra7 - it's a rare, rare case when someone who is gay or lesbian gets married to someone of the opposite sex intending to hurt them.  I've said this before here, my partner had "christian counselling" to try to de-gay her, and they were seriously telling her, at 18, to get married as soon as possible, have a baby, and once she was a mother, sex wouldn't be important any more.  My partner is super-strong, knew she could go to uni, and walked away from her fundy church knowing she'd lose friends and her sister - but she had choices because of her intelligence and the relative cheapness of uni at that time here. And the "logic" never made any sense to her.  But I can 100% understand why people without her resources would believe that prayer cures everything, and try to subsume who they are, until it goes horribly wrong for everyone involved. 

Of course I feel for the spouse whose partner suddenly comes out, but the blame falls on the homophobic culture that made the spouse feel they had to try to fake it.

[chaotic life]

h@Lurky. I think lots in fundie circles WANT to believe marriage and family will cure them. The most liberal and tolerant line you will tend to hear is that IF you are born gay then it is your cross to bear and you must choose to not LIVE in sin, because having gay sex is SIN.

I think it's terrifying to know you will be disowned, cast out and lose your entire community and family. Most of my friends and my children's friends talk about the fact that even before I escaped fundie land, I was abnormal that my kids always knew I would not abandon nor disown them for not being Cis-hetero. And even now my ex has convinced a contingent of idiots that I am. I faced an Anna Duggar style relationship nightmare but not the LBGTQIA variety. It's HARD to forgive yourself and not blame yourself. It's HARD to understand there is not one blessed thing you can do to fix things, and all of your efforts were just traumatizing and a waste of time. I suspect in couples where LBGTQIA is the underlying problem that either the hetero spouse can see their partner's pain and they part friends, or they are so tremendously hurt that they swing into an extremist response like Becky has.

[Nikedagain?]

1 hour ago, Curious said:

I do not understand this sentence.  First shouldn't it be of not from?  Second, is he trying to say they were victims of adultery and that's why they were both divorced?

Well Sis Curious, we just aren't sure. We believe that what Bro Gary is trying to convey is that he and Sis Becky have both suffered from the fornication of others and have joined together to publicly condemn all fornication. He likes to talk about fornication a lot. He also seems to have his own language. 

[Curious]

On 9/6/2017 at 1:17 PM, General Jinjur said:

Ok folks, The Hawkinseses were accused of singing Contemporary music. You know Bro Gary ain't gonna stand fer that.

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And this one is just all kinds of special. Much feeding for Gary. Gary like man food eating. Give weens now.

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Sis Jinjur

is she feeding him while he's driving on a 2 lane road/highway?   I have learned not to eat while reading this thread.  It (the thread) makes me queasy.