Family Living on Purpose (FLOP) : Erika Shupe Pt 11

[Zola]

I think it was a couple of things coming together - older daughters rebelling from a life of drudgery (Karen having to get up in the middle of the night to help Erika feed and care for newborn twins at age 12? With that type of thing to look forward to for the rest of her life? And Melanie knowing that's her possible future as well? Oh, hell no), an unnamed child being autistic, and I think Erika herself straight up had a breakdown.

I don't think Erika could cope with all of that in the lifestyle they'd been living, especially if she's undergoing some sort of mental/emotional issue herself. Who could? The lifestyle had to change, for everyone's benefit.

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, Zola said:

I think it was a couple of things coming together - older daughters rebelling from a life of drudgery (Karen having to get up in the middle of the night to help Erika feed and care for newborn twins at age 12? With that type of thing to look forward to for the rest of her life? And Melanie knowing that's her possible future as well? Oh, hell no), an unnamed child being autistic, and I think Erika herself straight up had a breakdown.

I don't think Erika could cope with all of that in the lifestyle they'd been living, especially if she's undergoing some sort of mental/emotional issue herself. Who could? The lifestyle had to change, for everyone's benefit.

I think you are 100% right. I also think the suspected CPS visit may have played a roll.  Of course, it has not been proven but I do believe they checked out the family because a.) the reader comment on her blog and b.) at the same time Erika made a mad rush to change out both bedrooms.  That was a lot of money - and change from Erika's routine - all at once which I have trouble believing Erika would have been on board with unless forced.  Anyway, that visit may not have been a direct result of the kids going to public school, but I wonder if it spooked Bob enough that he finally put his foot down?

[nelliebelle1197]

What the hell is Erika doing with herself with no FB group, blog or homeschooling? Any signs she had to go  to work?

[FunFunFundie]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

What the hell is Erika doing with herself with no FB group, blog or homeschooling? Any signs she had to go  to work?

She detailed her life for awhile as a “public schooling mom on purpose” and it seemed like she had a shit ton of free time.

[Queen Of Hearts]

4 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

What the hell is Erika doing with herself with no FB group, blog or homeschooling? Any signs she had to go  to work?

I wish she would blog about organizing. She had some good tips.

[lilith]

10 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

I wish she would blog about organizing. She had some good tips.

If she could have refrained from trying to “organise” her kids she would have been a very helpful resource.

[LovelyLuna]

I’m late to the party, but I have taken a few breaks recently.  I am gobsmacked.  Erika, my most hated fundie mother, sent her kids to school! and pants! and Karens’s freedom!  I severely want to know what happened, but I am so damn happy for the kids.  Go Karen! This makes me so much happier after reading about the Turpins for the last 3 days.  

[ActualReality]

Who saw Karen's FB post where she had before and after pix of herself in sports bra and tight pants.  I'm sure mom and dad would have kittens if they saw it!

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, ActualReality said:

Who saw Karen's FB post where she had before and after pix of herself in sports bra and tight pants.  I'm sure mom and dad would have kittens if they saw it!

I'm sure they did see it, since she's Facebook friends with them. It's certainly quite the 180 from their earlier ways.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Karen asked for tips on being a good waitress and learning how to remember all the alcoholic drinks. So she's serving alcohol as a waitress. I was a waitress at places that served alcohol and the evenings could get a little rowdy (depending on the type of place of course). Karen is becoming more and more mainstream by the minute. 

[excat]

Longtime lurker here, this is my first post on freejinger so if I mess up in any way I apologize! I left somewhat of a fundie, Catholic household several years ago myself, and our paths intertwined with the Shupe family on more than one occasion. This is all second hand information, so take all with a grain of salt, but from someone very close to the Shupes.

The answer to why Erika so drastically changed her beliefs isn't as interesting or newsworthy as I think many were assuming it was. Erika has been struggling with health issues for quite a while, [removed], she was diagnosed with hormonal imbalances and her B12 and iron was completely depleted. According to the person I spoke to, the health issues and [removed] exhausted Erika to the point where she finally just burned out and couldn’t keep up with the workload anymore. My personal belief (purely speculation) is that this was a long time ago – from what Erika shared on her personal facebook of her children’s schoolwork prior to them moving to public school, the younger set were severely lacking in many different areas. The children are thriving in public school, they love it. 

Regarding Karen’s move – she was struggling with her parent’s constant needs for her that had become even more overbearing than we saw on LFOP. Bob required Karen to be home all the time – when she wasn’t working, at the gym at that time, he and Erika expected her to be home to babysit, cook, clean, etc. He wanted her telling him everywhere she went and was tracking her cellphone. After spending a while saving and getting her affairs in order, Karen moved about fifteen minutes away with some friends. From what I can tell she has a very happy life, working a lot but better than constantly being under Bob and Erika’s regime. She still sees the family often, spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with them. She and Melanie are still fairly close. The biggest development in all this is that Karen announced a couple of days ago that she is engaged. She’s been dating her now-fiancee since October of 2017 and they plan to have a small courthouse wedding. Her parents refuse to meet him because he didn’t ask Bob and let him “govern the process” but say that although they won’t meet him they have nothing against him. Apparently Erika has told Karen that she needs to listen to what she and Bob say because God speaks to them.

What I wouldn't give to be a fly on Erika Shupe’s kitchen wall over the last week....

[elliha]

Do you know anything about Erika and Bob's relationship? Have they had any rocky periods and such?

[mango_fandango]

Dang. That is interesting. Sucks to learn that both Bob and Erika sound like control-freak assholes. 

I am so not surprised about Karen rebelling. Normally we’d be dismayed at someone getting engaged at only 19, but in Karen’s case she must’ve realised it was the only way she was really going to get out of Dodge. From what someone on here said a while ago, it sounds like Karen’s been unhappy for years. (Said person was at a homeschool convention where Erika was, and Erika was asking about how to keep the kids into homeschool because Karen was unhappy and it was affecting the little ones).

Hopefully now they’re in public school, the kids will be exposed to multiple viewpoints and they’ll come to reject their parents’ beliefs and teachings also. 

Interesting also that Erika’s had issues with B12 and iron. She said a while ago that she was looking to adopt a vegetarian/more vegetarian lifestyle for the health benefits, so it’s unfortunate that it’s resulted in the complete opposite; B12 in particular is found primarily in meat and veggies have to take a supplement.

[LovelyLuna]

B12 and Iron, but she and the kids ate green smoothies every morning and salads for lunch, so she did to herself in a way..... Le Sigh, I still have a lot of emotions about the hamster house of horror.  So glad for the kids.  Thanks for the info @excat .

[usmcmom]

It makes me sad to learn that Bob was not a buffer for his kids, as I had always thought. I had always hoped the kids had at least one adult ally in that home. 

It makes me downright angry that Bob put so much pressure on his oldest daughter(s) to take care of the kids that his wife was, evidently, unable to manage.  Bob should have stepped up as a father and husband and found a way to help his wife without robbing his daughters of their childhood. 

I admire Karen for continuing a relationship with them; although, I wonder if it is simply to stay close to her siblings. I am so happy she escaped and I hope Melanie can get out very soon. 

Also, welcome @excat!

[apandaaries]

Having looked at Bob's FB profile, I'm not surprised to hear he's overbearing as well. His profile showed him to be very conservative with a love for the military and all things right wing.  So while I'm bummed that so much pressure was put on Karen, I'm not too shocked. As @mango_fandango mentioned, we've also heard rumors of K voicing discontent to the extent that Erika asked about it at a homeschool conference. I worry about her getting married early, but I worry about everyone marrying young. She seems smart and focused, though, so I hope she'll do well no matter what.

Health issues are always unfortunate, but that diet she had them on was just beyond austere. I remember trying to find information about whether or not they saw doctors, because B was always so very small for his age. Didn't Erika go to a naturopath or a chiropractor for most of their health care needs?  

[usedbicycle]

Thank you so much @excat for all this info. I always suspected Erica had a physical burnout or depression that triggered many of the changes. If I remember correctly, she had to go to her mother's house for a few weeks to rest before all the changes on the blog started to happen.

I noticed Karen had a new boyfriend on Facebook! Do we know if he's religious at all? 19 is very young to be getting married but I'm glad she's making an adult decision for herself. Props to them for not participating in the fundie transfer-of-authority thing with Bob. 

Speaking of Bob, he and Erica are being HARSH! They're going to burn that bridge and lose their daughter, just like they did Bob's parents... all because of their pride. 

 

[LovelyLuna]

normally I would give a little side eye at marriage at 19, but with the amount of standing up for herself that she has done, I say go Karen, congrats, have a very happy life.  

I am currently seeing a chiropractor through my pain management specialist.  She is kooky and ‘lays healing hands’ on you at the end of every session.  I find relief from the chiro, so I play nice and breath and let her do her thing for 5 minuets.  I can not imagine this lady being my primary care practitioner.  I would probably be dead. 

[excat]

@elliha - I don't know much about Bob and Erika's relationship. From what I've seen, they've always been very loving and affectionate with each other. Erika takes every word Bob says to heart and his word is definitely law in their home (but we already knew that). I really can't speak much to their personal relationship or struggles.

On the topic of Bob, however, he really is far more of an nasty person than Erika is on an interpersonal basis. Erika is fundie annoying, yes, and constantly judgmental, but Bob is just a dick. One specific instance comes to mind when I had mentioned in passing, at sixteen years old, that I would consider getting a tattoo. Bob immediately said that would be self mutilation and his children would not be allowed around me if that were to happen. I can't imagine how strict and demeaning he is with his own children. Although to my understanding, prior to the move, Karen was quite close with Bob, much more so than Erika.

When I knew the Shupes, they went to the chiropracter for EVERYTHING. Didn't matter if it was a cold or actual chiropractic needs. It always seemed beyond odd to me. To my understanding, the original plan when the children were put in school was to keep them there for a year, let Erika get some rest/get healthy, and then bring them back home. Obviously that hasn't been the case, apparently because the kids are thriving educationally and socially much more there than they did at home. And to be perfectly honest, Erika's not cut out to homeschool. Never was, but especially nine kids. She is a perfectionist to the enth degree, and it's a full time job to keep that very small house clean and organized as she likes, much less to educate nine children on the side.

@usedbicycle - I don't know if the boyfriend is religious. All I know about him is that apparently he was a childhood crush who moved from Indiana last fall to be with K. It worries me that their relationship has progressed so quickly but I hope for nothing but the best. I know from firsthand experience how difficult it is to get away from that controlling of a household and how helpful it is to have a partner of any kind in that journey. I can't imagine Bob and Erika will warm up to it anytime soon, however.

 

[mango_fandango]

Thank God the kids are doing well socially and academically. I’m not surprised in the slightest though. 

I wonder if and when Karen will have kids. Given that they refuse to meet her fiancé, I can’t imagine what would happen if Karen did have kids. I hope she waits a few years. She was clearly chief sister-mom, and it’s not like the Duggars where there were four/five older girls to share the load (although of course that family was much bigger), it was only her and Melanie, in a much smaller house. If she does have them, she’ll probably only have two or three. 

I hope Melanie is doing OK. 

[excat]

7 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Thank God the kids are doing well socially and academically. I’m not surprised in the slightest though. 

I wonder if and when Karen will have kids. Given that they refuse to meet her fiancé, I can’t imagine what would happen if Karen did have kids. I hope she waits a few years. She was clearly chief sister-mom, and it’s not like the Duggars where there were four/five older girls to share the load (although of course that family was much bigger), it was only her and Melanie, in a much smaller house. If she does have them, she’ll probably only have two or three. 

I hope Melanie is doing OK. 

My understanding is that Melanie wants to go to college to pursue a career in art. She also just got her drivers license. I believe she's struggled quite a bit with Erika's rigidity and having become the oldest in the house since Karen left. But she really is so talented with her art, I hope she gets out and thrives in whatever path she takes.

[mango_fandango]

Yeah, I’ve seen some of her art before when the old LFoP page was up, she was really good. 

I hope they all do well. As for E and B, well, they brought a lot of this on themselves so I have little sympathy. 

[SuperNova]

Thank you @excat. I've always found Erika's extreme rigidity to be troubling and it's good to hear that her daughters have found some semblance of normalcy in their lives.

Openly rejecting the fiancee is a great way to get Karen to dig in her heels and not listen to anything that her parents may have to say. I don't think they could have found a surer way to drive an even bigger wedge between them and Karen if they tried.

P.S. If I was one of Erika's kids and I broke free, I would always have a bag of jelly beans on hand and eat as many as I like every day

[littlemommy]

Thank God for you, @excat. I thought I might have to live out my life not knowing the Shupe story, much like the truth about Kennedy’s assassination.  

Now I just need someone to fill me in on Cabinetman!

[HoneyBunny]

Thanks, Excat, for providing the missing puzzle pieces on what’s happened at Casa Shupe. Frankly, my only interest was in how the kids were doing, and it sounds like life, for all of them except possibly Melanie, has improved considerably. If it was anyone other than Erika (and Lying Lori Alexander) I might even feel sympathetic to her health issues that brought this on, but, honestly, I don’t give a FRA about Erika. She was so vile to moms who didn’t homeschool that all I can feel is a healthy dose of schadenfreude.