Family Living on Purpose (FLOP) : Erika Shupe Pt 11

[Anonymousguest]

Welcome Karen! I'm curious to know how you found FJ? 

Be warned, reading old threads will possibly be offensive to you, there are some pretty crazy hypothesis out there regarding your family. But I am curious to know what you think about them. Your mother's blog (comment section) is where I first learned of free dinner, so I have a soft spot there for her, lol. 

[DarkAnts]

Karen, we all want nothing but happiness for you in your life. You are one strong women. 

[desertvixen]

@Kilo whiskey, congratulations on living life the way that makes you happy - and if your boyfriend is a service member, welcome to our crazy life!

[mango_fandango]

Hi Karen!

There are many people who have “escaped” fundieism on here, you’re not the only one. I know @EowynW has, and plenty of others. It must be so liberating, yet also really difficult; you’ve lived that life for 19 years so to suddenly live alone (well, away from your family) and be amongst people of differing beliefs and world views must be pretty overwhelming. We’re all rooting for you! 

[apandaaries]

Greetings @Kilo whiskey!  Congrats on the big escape!  It's wonderful to see you successfully moving out of the nest.  You and your siblings have lots of supporters here. We've been rooting for you guys for awhile.  You are setting an awesome example for the younger ones. They are going to see you succeed despite whatever they've been told elsewhere.  So glad you're making your own choices in life now.  Wishing you all the best! 

[elliha]

Glad to hear that you are all right Karen @Kilo whiskey and welcome to FJ!

I cheer for you and wish you all the best. I am just a stranger but if you ever need advice, support or encouragement in any way send me a PM and I will do my best to help. I am just a regular person but sometimes you do need to discuss something with someone and if you do not have the support of your mother maybe another slightly older person will have something to say. The best thing with a stranger is that you can always dismiss what I say as crazy talk if you like. 

[ActualReality]

OMG Karen [mention=26355]Kilo whiskey[/mention] I’m stunned that you’re here! I too am a fundie family escapee. Congrats on breaking free!!

I was you 25 years ago. I ran off to NYC, married a great guy and created a lovely life! I’m not the mom of a 4 free thinking kids (drives my parents crazy).

You’ve already shown so much strength and I have every reason to believe that you’ll create a great life for yourself!

Btw- is Melanie ok?

 

[Jug Band Baby]

On 5/29/2017 at 8:57 AM, older than allosaurs said:

If girls need to sleep in nightgowns to get used to providing "leg" access, wouldn't it be more logical to practice by sleeping naked?

I haven't read about Erika in ages.  What the fuck is this?  Someone, please fill me in.  I don't have the time to read back hundreds of pages.  Is she really getting her girls ready for sex?  Please say I'm reading this wrong.

[Gimme a Free RV]

@Kilo whiskey I am a huge fan of yours, simply by following your story.  You are a beautiful young woman.  As a Christian, want to encourage you by saying that it is absolutely possible to follow your faith without being legalistic.  I believe, however, being the smart person you are, you are discovering that for yourself.  I wish you every success!  FJers are rooting for you!

[Hisey]

8 hours ago, elliha said:

Glad to hear that you are all right Karen @Kilo whiskey and welcome to FJ!

I cheer for you and wish you all the best. I am just a stranger but if you ever need advice, support or encouragement in any way send me a PM and I will do my best to help. I am just a regular person but sometimes you do need to discuss something with someone and if you do not have the support of your mother maybe another slightly older person will have something to say. The best thing with a stranger is that you can always dismiss what I say as crazy talk if you like. 

I'd like to second this offer. I'm about your mom's age and if you ever need someone to run things by. . . My own daughter (aged 17) finds it pretty helpful to pick my brain (while still making her own decisions)! Also, I have lived in Arizona and would be happy to offer any suggestions/advice about living in the desert.

Though I must say it sounds like you have done great on your own thus far!

[refugee]

6 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

I haven't read about Erika in ages.  What the fuck is this?  Someone, please fill me in.  I don't have the time to read back hundreds of pages.  Is she really getting her girls ready for sex?  Please say I'm reading this wrong.

This sounds like someone’s speculation to me. It sounds too crazy to fit any of the families we once knew. And that’s saying something.

ETA: I’ll add that creepy as it still sounds, one rationale I could have heard from those families (we’ve heard similar things from other families —like the Duggars, maybe? Not sure—about sisters dressing in a way that wouldn’t “stumble” their brothers) so...nightgowns don’t outline the legs.

Rape culture thinking, where the boys are conditioned that the least little thing could set them off, and the girls are conditioned to believe that everything is the female’s fault.

[apandaaries]

2 hours ago, refugee said:

This sounds like someone’s speculation to me. It sounds too crazy to fit any of the families we once knew. And that’s saying something.

You're correct. It's entirely speculation. That comment had absolutely nothing to do with the Shupes and was related to various speculation about how fundies "train" their children.  

It's really best for posters to read back a few pages before writing something so incredibly off, such as @Jug Band Baby's wild question. The Internet is forever! Including comments which have no connection to truth, unfortunately. Erika has enough issues to legitimately discuss; baseless claims aren't necessary.

[nelliebelle1197]

@Jug Band BabyI have been gone from FJ for a year and I am taking my time to catch up before posting too much. Time and effort are worth the trouble. Just sayin'.

Guys, this person has no been CONFIRMED as Karen Shupe, FYI.

[usmcmom]

@Kilo whiskey You are a strong, courageous and beautiful young woman and you inspire me! 

WELCOME!

We, at Free Jinger, believe in you and we've got your back!! 

[FJismyheadship]

2 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

@Jug Band BabyI have been gone from FJ for a year and I am taking my time to catch up before posting too much. Time and effort are worth the trouble. Just sayin'.

Guys, this person has no been CONFIRMED as Karen Shupe, FYI.

Was thinking the same thing. Thanks for saying it :-)

[Kilo whiskey]

10 minutes ago, FJismyheadship said:

Was thinking the same thing. Thanks for saying it :-)

I expect to hear so. In all honesty I can’t prove who I am. And I won’t be here very often, but it was well worth the investigation. Love you all. 

[FJismyheadship]

Just now, Kilo whiskey said:

I expect to hear so. In all honesty I can’t prove who I am. And I won’t be here very often, but it was well worth the investigation. Love you all. 

You can confirm with admins I believe. They wont use any identifying information just say "yes this is her"

@Curious @Destiny what's the protocol for that?

 

I think its great you came to check us out, I am mostly concerned because people have been fooled before so I tend to be on the cynical side.

[Kilo whiskey]

20 hours ago, Anonymousguest said:

Welcome Karen! I'm curious to know how you found FJ? 

Be warned, reading old threads will possibly be offensive to you, there are some pretty crazy hypothesis out there regarding your family. But I am curious to know what you think about them. Your mother's blog (comment section) is where I first learned of free dinner, so I have a soft spot there for her, lol. 

Haha actually my sister Melanie told me about FJ. Yes I understand your warnings, though it’s too late. I’ve read every available thread about my family, blog, and lifestyle. It’s been nothing short of fascinatingly interesting. I’m not offended. 

19 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Hi Karen!

There are many people who have “escaped” fundieism on here, you’re not the only one. I know @EowynW has, and plenty of others. It must be so liberating, yet also really difficult; you’ve lived that life for 19 years so to suddenly live alone (well, away from your family) and be amongst people of differing beliefs and world views must be pretty overwhelming. We’re all rooting for you! 

Thank you! The first few weeks were so fast and filled with moving and working I didnt have time to miss anything. It took about a month before I could unpack emotions and actually be homesick. 

@speshulsnowflake you made my day. 

@FJismyheadship I can do whatever you want. How to I talk to admins? I totally understand being fooled by peeps. 

 

@ActualReality hi! Melanie is wonderful! Blooming artist still. She will appreciate your concern. 

[meowfundiecatz]

@Kilo whiskey Happy to have you here.

I am curious and please know, no pressure here, but since you have read all there is about your family and (former?) life, I am definitely interested in your response.

I also have some interest in (if you are willing to share) how you went from A-Z so quickly? Or maybe it was more like A-L or A-E, if that makes sense? I do ask because my personal experience has been the opposite, going from non-Christian to more moderate Christian to more fundamental Christian. I do comment on here a lot and am very open to seeing different perspectives. I can see how someone may choose not to live the lifestyle you did growing up (admittedly, I don't live that lifestyle now, even though I would be considered here on FJ as a "fundie.") You (as each person does) had a unique upbringing, even on fundie terms. I also understand you are processing still so don't feel pressure as I said above.

I do wish you well. If you ever take up serving again, print out an alcohol list and keep it in your little receipt pad. Also print out a list of what is in mixed drinks. I know it was a learning curve for me too with exposure to alcohol.

And enjoy the process of finding what is you. Even though I went more fundamental in my views, I totally believe each person does have to find their conviction within Christ (if that is the path you take).

[ActualReality]

I know that Erika used to read this site. She’s the one who pointed me here. I wonder if she still reads this site.

[Hisey]

When I was 19, I would have been so happy to find a site where people recognized my parents' craziness for what it was, and who validated what I'd felt all along. 

Perhaps Karen had more validation than I did (from extended family, perhaps?). I don't know. I guess I am just wondering what it's like to be told to act/think one way all your life, and then find out that there are people out there who are watching this play out with great concern.

Karen, I'm hoping that there were other people who validated what you were feeling as you were growing up.

 

[ActualReality]

When I was 19, I would have been so happy to find a site where people recognized my parents' craziness for what it was, and who validated what I'd felt all along. 
Perhaps Karen had more validation than I did (from extended family, perhaps?). I don't know. I guess I am just wondering what it's like to be told to act/think one way all your life, and then find out that there are people out there who are watching this play out with great concern.
Karen, I'm hoping that there were other people who validated what you were feeling as you were growing up.
 

This right here! I disagreed with my family’s way of life but also wondered if maybe they were somehow right and I was wrong. Plus you don’t just let go of the ideas that you were raised with.

We’ve raised our kids as ethical humanists and they’re good people. We let them decide what works best for them where religion/spirituality is concerned. We’ve got 2 kids who are pretty religious, one atheist and one undecided. Everybody respects what everyone else is into. It’s pretty cool.

[JermajestyDuggar]

My guess is that this was not overnight for Karen. We just never knew how she felt or what she thought because the blog was written by her Mom, not her. 

[Tatar-tot]

Hey Karen - I have been following you for years as you and Melanie are about the same ages as my 3 (21/19/17). 

Please do yourself a favor and get yourself an education before you start having kids.  You are extremely talented & need to invest in yourself.  If you go to college and become a CPA you will make a ton & always have a job.  Don’t sell yourself short. You are a smart talented young woman.  If you can deal with all your mom’s demands over the years you can deal with life. 

With regard to your mom:  Don’t make any ultimatums.  Life is not black or white.  Relationships are many shades of gray (not 50!  LOL!).  One thing about your mom is despite all her issues, especially when life is not falling into her narrow path, she loves you dearly.  

 I am not sure what drew her to a fundie lifestyle.  She always seemed like she had one foot in the door and one foot put.  I think she thought it was a path to follow to keep you all out of drugs & other issues.  

What she never grasped was that you kids are bright & have enough common sense to navigate life.  I think fundism provided her a black and white reality that she found safety in.  

It is really too bad she did not pursue her dreams because I think the family home would have been a much happier, calmer place.  Erica has a lot of talents (organizing etc) that she could have pursue or could still pursue.  I think homeschooling a mega family was never  her calling & your dad had no idea how to convince her of  that.  

Life has many opportunities ahead of you.  Take some time to explore the world before you settle down.  If the boy you are dating is meant to be your life long companion it will all work out.  If not, there is another cute guy on every street corner.  Just go to you local college and scope out the inventory.  Boyfriends really are a dime a dozen.

Have fun and soar high!  Embrace life and live to the fullest.  We are all rooting for you to be the person you are meant to be.

 

 

[Hisey]

Quote

With regard to your mom:  Don’t make any ultimatums.  Life is not black or white.  Relationships are many shades of gray (not 50!  LOL!).  One thing about your mom is despite all her issues, especially when life is not falling into her narrow path, she loves you dearly.  

I agree with tator-tot's excellent advice, except for this. We really don't know Karen and Erika's relationship. We only know what Erika showed on the blog, which was presumably her best foot forward. I had a parent with whom I desperately needed to separate from, and I did so. However, it was so hurtful when people said things like, "He really loves you" or whatever. People should have the choice to go "no contact" if the parent is too toxic or simply if they need to for their own mental health.

I don't know if Erika and Bob are like that. I will say that they are acting extremely rigid and inflexibly now--telling Karen to leave home, insisting on "guiding" the relationship, refusing to meet her boyfriend, etc.