Lori Alexander 20: Evil and Hateful as Ever

[Koala]

16 minutes ago, Hisey said:

I think she is losing readers rapidly.

I agree 100%.  She used to have a steady group of people who commented almost daily.  All of those people are gone now.

I think the influx of men, also hurt Lori's blog (as did her strange carrying on with Dave).

[EowynW]

Male commenter:

Quote

Hello Ken, 

I have been reading this thread in interest and I am curious as to why you think that marriages that are partnerships aren’t happier than a marriage your way. And what are some areas you feel strongly that wives should submit in? This is a genuine question and I hope you will answer. My wife and I have been married 25 years. We’ve never thought much about labels, but after reading this thread, I suspect we would fall into the “partnership” category. 

We have a happy marriage. No walking on eggshells, no arguenents, no manipulation, pouting or anything. We run our home together and our construction company together. We bought are involved in homeschooling our 5 children. Each of us bring specific strengths and gifts to the table in our marriage and we compliment each other very nicely. I married my best friend since childhood. We married like minded and I have not one word of complaint for our marriage. My wife doesn’t either. 

I’m curious as to what exactly my wife should be submitting to me in. I really cannot think of anything major. Some of the areas that I’ve seen people lay down as law on this blog make me a bit in comfortable because honestly, I have zero desire to try to do things like tell my wife how to dress or how to wear her hair. Yes I do prefer her hair down and she knows this, but in our hot humid climate I would never dream that she wear it down all of the time just to suit my eyes. It wouldn’t be fair and she is grateful that she has the freedom to both dress comfortably and do her hair in s comfortable manner even though commenters on this blog will say my wife is being defiant! We have never had an argument about dress. 

I also have no desire to move or relocate without the input and listening to the heart of my wife on such a big issue as moving and relocating our family. I would never dream of making a decision to uproot my family. I value my wife’s input and such a major decision will not be made unless she is also in agreement. We have never had an argument about moving. 

I had/have no desire to decide for my wife how many children we would have. Again, this is something we have discussed and are in full agreement about. My wife actually got the final say in if we added our 4th & 5th because it is her body that had to carry a pregnancy and birth a child and I would never dream of forcing my wife to carry more children than she feels like she can or is physically/emotionally capable of carrying, birthing and raising. We have never once had an argument about the number of children we wanted to have or if we should have anymore. 

We have never once had an argument about sex. Ever. Not even as newlyweds. My wife has never been made to feel that she must have sex as a duty to me. I look at sex as bringing joy to her. I have never once asked her for sex when she is unwell or exhausted, and she hasn’t done that to me either. I put her needs first in the bedroom every time we come together and we have a very happy and enthusiastic sex life. No issues there. In a lot of the men I mentor, I see that their sex lives would improve if they would strive to put the pleasure of their bride first in the bedroom, do more to help their bride so she isn’t so exhausted from tending to kids and a home all day, thus helping her have more energy for bedroom fun. Just because you are married does not mean you get sex on demand whenever you want. Another person’s heart, soul and body still must be tended and cherished as well. 

I would be very uncomfortable telling my wife how to vote, as it’s a personal issue for each individual. I did not mind my wife voting differently than me and in fact, I reminded her it was fine and sent her to the voting booth with my blessing during the tumultuous 2016 presidential election. I would never dream of saying my wife must vote like me. 

We strive to keep Jesus first in everything we do. No decision is made without a lot of prayer and discussion. We have a happy, peaceful home and I’m a little surprised that people would call a woman like my wife unsubmissive and rebellious and our marriage as less than, without ever meeting us in person and without living in our shoes. My wife is a amazingly talented individual who runs the office in our business, a homeschooling mother of wife, is always learning a new skill or hobby and is opening her own business on the side. I feel I’m the luckiest man in the world even if some would say our marriage is “nothing more than a partnership”

Ken:

Quote

Congratulations on your wonder marriage Brian H! I love all that you write and on the whole agree with everything you are saying. It is a pig of a man who uses his God given position as head of his wife to be selfish and self-serving. The fact that you two have a wonderful marriage without you having to ask your wife to be submissive should be no less remarkable than your wife not having to tell you to be loving and understanding. 

You may view your marriage as a partnership but what you describe is indeed a One Flesh marriage, and one that .looks very much like my marriage now. I don’t boss my wife around or seek my own way. I am always checking in with her to try and stay on the same page, and to be able to defer to her desires is there is no reason not to. Like you, I am always looking for a harmonious marriage, and we now have it.

Is it possible that your wife is indeed being submissive but you don’t recognize it as submission, but rather deferring to your leadership? You would have to ask her, but the question might be, “If you were in charge of our relationship what things would you want me to be doing differently? You may get an earful with a smile. Most wives are very opinionated when it comes to raising kids, what the family eats, and a laundry list of other things, and you may generally not care so you go along, and when she sees you really wants something she submits. 

If you are never having any irresolvable disagreements it may be that you both have Relater personalities which are easy going and don’t like to rock the boat. Or one of you is a Driver/Bossy type and the other is a Relater who doesn’t care and prefers to see harmony than rock the boat.

But there are other types of personalities that simply do not mix so easily together. The Driver – Go Getter generally likes to keep things moving their way and the Analyzer- Perfectionist type is often annoyed when things are not done perfectly their way. 

So what you call a perfect partnership may be nothing more than a blend of two personalities, great role models for parents and a strong and mature walk with the Lord. How many couples do you think have this and are without conflict? God knows that the vast majority of couples will need someone to break the tie in decision making, but beyond that God wants your wife and children seeing you as the leader of your home. This should not diminish Mom’s role, but if your kids do not perceive you as the leader they may grow up to marry a spouse whose personality does not mix so well, or is untrained in your partnership approach. 

Your son could go years as I did trying to chase down the desires of my wife to please her, only to find that she was never satisfied. And then where would you like him to turn for his answers except God’s Word on the matter? 

The bottom line is that God would not teach us a wife’s submission if it had no purpose. It may be in some marriages it is not as necessary and admonition as in many others, but in most marriages, a wife beginning to truly love her husband and serve him, as your wife does with you would revolutionize the marriage. But she can’t do those things well if she thinks he needs to be doing what she wants over his own thoughts and desires. 

I would say that your marriage goes far beyond a partnership to a One Flesh marriage, and the test will come when you do get that job where you feel strongly you must move and she does not, or she wants your daughter to marry a man that you simply cannot support. No matter how great a partnership, unless one of you or both is really chill with few strong thoughts on major matters, you will hit a conflict and will need to decide if you will follow God’s Word or go the way of the world.

Your wife sounds amazing like mine, except mine had a very strong and controlling disposition that got in the way of our connection with each other, until she was Transformed by the Spirit and the power of God’s Word. Please keep loving her and showing her respect and caring for her thoughts, as that is your calling, and there is no need to make up things to want or need from her if she is pleasing you. That would be nonsense and sinful to boss a wife a round just so you can be boss, but to lead so that the family always gets God’s best… that is God’s ideal and His calling on your life."

 

[EowynW]

I don't know how to make a quote box on mobile. Sorry! Thank you, @Coconut Flan! 

[BlackSheep]

Male commenter:

Quote

 

And what are some areas you feel strongly that wives should submit in?

I'm curious as to what exactly my wife should be submitting to me in. 

 

Ken:

Quote

Is it possible that your wife is indeed being submissive but you don’t recognize it as submission, but rather deferring to your leadership? You would have to ask her, but the question might be, “If you were in charge of our relationship what things would you want me to be doing differently?"

Male commenter, please don't ask this question. You asked how, in his opinion, wives (including yours) should be submitting. You didn't ask him how you should approach the subject with your wife.

It ain't broke. So don't fix it.

[delphinium65]

22 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Your son could go years as I did trying to chase down the desires of my wife to please her, only to find that she was never satisfied.

Sad way to live, and I don't think she is satisfied now, she's just sneakier about it, 

[feministxtian]

I don't think Kenori even KNOW what christian submission should even look like. They know what their twisted version looks like, but they have NO idea what it looks like to "submit to one another"...For example...I fix dinner, fix my husband's plate and serve him first. Flip side, he puts the coffee on and fixes me a cup before he fixes himself a cup. These are the sorts of things we do for each other. Why? Because on each side it's how we show each other love and respect. It works...

Kenori are still playing their little passive-aggressive game. They are the LAST two people I would ever go to for marriage advice!

[BlackSheep]

2 hours ago, Hisey said:

Think of it. You take the time to write a thoughtful comment that slightly challenges, or offers a different version, of what she is saying. Lori deletes it. 

Of course, you are going to feel pissed. And unheard. And . . . most important of all. . .disengaged.

I read a blog about the Duchess of Cambridge - her engagements and fashion and charity work. It's well-written, and the blogger includes information on history and royal protocol to put that lifestyle into perspective.

The comments mostly center around Kate's sartorial choices, but there is occasional discussion and disagreement on topics that go beyond fashion. The community there is lively and engaged. Everyone manages to stay civil and to acknowledge others' right to their opinion. Commenters often thank the blogger for her hard work.

Lori's blog is dead by comparison.

[Koala]

Ken today:

Quote

I am always looking for a harmonious marriage, and we now have it.

Ken 6 days ago:

Quote

Now I forgot what I was criticizing you about 

If their marriage is so damn harmonious, then why is he criticizing her, and then reporting back to her followers about it?  It's obvious he wanted to shame her in front of her readers, and make them wonder what she'd done to deserve to be criticized.  

The whole exchange was one of the most bizarre things I've seen in a while.  It was only made stranger when Lori chimed in to guess that perhaps he was criticizing her for being late with his lemonade.  And let's not forget that he took to the blog and Facebook to remind her that the new kitchen better last.  (Obviously, last week was not a happy one at Lori and Ken's house.)

Those two have one of the worst marriages I've seen.  The idea that they're giving out marriage advice would be absolutely laughable if it wasn't so damn scary.

[onemama]

18 hours ago, EowynW said:

I fully believe that while the Bible was written *for* us, not everything in there was written *to* us, so you must be very careful to study and apply scripture and even more careful saying what should be a commandment or not. 

Amen to that! 

17 hours ago, usmcmom said:

 Ken and Lori like to assign importance based on how often something is mentioned in the Bible. The fact that the messiah was foretold in the Old Testament should only emphasize His importance to the Christian faith; that is if Ken and Lori were consistent in their teachings. 

I was taught that the Bible is ALL about Jesus. All of it. It points to Him, to our need for Him, and teaches us how we should live once we know Him.  

Paul would be so angry at anyone lifting his teachings above Christ's!  His whole teaching is about Jesus!  

14 hours ago, Koala said:

I don't know about the rest of her, but her delete finger gets a daily workout.

Hahahah! You made my morning, Koala!

[onemama]

4 hours ago, Hisey said:

She is reaching far fewer people.

Thank goodness!! 

3 hours ago, Hisey said:

Lori thinks God wants her to submit, have sex with Ken whenever he wanted, have tons of kids, cook/clean and never have outside interests. How depressed and oppressed and trapped she must have felt. I think I'd get "sick" too, under those circumstances. Interesting that she is better now that her kids are grown.

Yes, but I really can't feel for her because she managed to be a right b!tch to anyone around her, manipulate her way out of everything she didn't want to do, and now wants every other woman to suffer. No woman is entitled to a happy marriage where she has any say. No. Every woman out there must live the way Lori thinks she lived. 

3 hours ago, Koala said:

I think the influx of men, also hurt Lori's blog (as did her strange carrying on with Dave).

And Trey. 

[onemama]

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

It is a pig of a man who uses his God given position as head of his wife to be selfish and self-serving. 

Ken, please go tell Dave and Trey about that. And maybe write a post about that too. 

Quote

The fact that you two have a wonderful marriage without you having to ask your wife to be submissive should be no less remarkable than your wife not having to tell you to be loving and understanding. 

Why, Ken? And aren't you contradicting yourself here?  I thought you said that most problems in marriage would be solved if the wife would just submit, because, after all, most husbands are decent, loving guys who have a very short list of reasonable needs. When did that change? 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

what you describe is indeed a One Flesh marriage

It sure does sound like one.

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

one that looks very much like my marriage now.

It may look like it, but your marriage and his are polar opposites, ok?  They don't share the same base. Yours "looks good" as long as Lori pretends to submit while she takes her frustration out on all the women who won't play her passive-aggresive game and you pretend to sacrifice for her while taking subtle digs at her on her blog.

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

If you are never having any irresolvable disagreements it may be that you both have Relater personalities which are easy going and don’t like to rock the boat.

Or maybe it has more to do with what he said, Ken. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

We strive to keep Jesus first in everything we do. No decision is made without a lot of prayer and discussion

You say:

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

So what you call a perfect partnership may be nothing more than a blend of two personalities, great role models for parents and a strong and mature walk with the Lord.

What more could anyone want, Ken?  In my opinion, these two get that infamous Ephesians 5 passage for what it truly means: being filled with the Spirit and living it out in your life, specifically in your marriage. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

God knows that the vast majority of couples will need someone to break the tie in decision making,

Yes, that's what prayer is for, Ken. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

God wants your wife and children seeing you as the leader of your home.

Yes, absolutely.  Like Jesus. Remember what He did for you?  You're actually told to do that as head of your wife. For her. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

Your son could go years as I did trying to chase down the desires of my wife to please her, only to find that she was never satisfied.

Dig!  Go back to God's Word on the matter. What does it say? 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

The bottom line is that God would not teach us a wife’s submission if it had no purpose.

And He wouldn't teach us a husband's sacrificial love if it didn't have a purpose. But in my opinion, the key to these issues is found a lot earlier in the chapter, starting with verse 1, not 22. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

the test will come when you do get that job where you feel strongly you must move and she does not, or she wants your daughter to marry a man that you simply cannot support. No matter how great a partnership, unless one of you or both is really chill with few strong thoughts on major matters, you will hit a conflict and will need to decide if you will follow God’s Word or go the way of the world.

 Why, Ken? Why should a test come?  He already said he wouldn't consider uprooting his family if his wife  were not fully on board. In his words:

Quote

I also have no desire to move or relocate without the input and listening to the heart of my wife on such a big issue as moving and relocating our family. I would never dream of making a decision to uproot my family. I value my wife’s input and such a major decision will not be made unless she is also in agreement. We have never had an argument about moving. 

Perhaps he actually loves her.  The second scenario leaves the daughter, an adult woman whom we hope they raised well, completely out of the picture.  

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

Please keep loving her and showing her respect and caring for her thoughts, as that is your calling, and there is no need to make up things to want or need from her if she is pleasing you.

It sounds like he's doing that just fine, Ken. 

12 hours ago, EowynW said:

to lead so that the family always gets God’s best… that is God’s ideal and His calling on your life

It sounds like he's doing that just fine, too. With a real helper at his side, an equal, one whom he doesn't seem to feel the need to control and subdue, one whom he trusts and loves and is grateful for. 

Ken, I think you're jealous. Why don't you let this man teach you a thing or two about marriage? He seems to get it, while you and Lori don't.  

[BlackSheep]

@onemama, you totally nailed it, point by point. 

[BlackSheep]

[onemama]

55 minutes ago, BlackSheep said:

@onemama, you totally nailed it, point by point. 

Thank you! 

[EowynW]

Totally Lori hatefully went back on her position that people with thyroid problem had a valid reason to struggle with weight. Now it's not an excuse abd everything can be controlled by portion control. Hateful ignorant woman.

[polecat]

10 hours ago, EowynW said:

Congratulations on your wonder marriage Brian H!

Ew.

He's just so nasty.

Ken, you did an awful job of picking your wife, and that's a decision you have to live with. Stop taking it out on everyone else.

[onemama]

@BlackSheep, it's gone. I'm glad you got that screenshot.  

Nobody is allowed to question Lori. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

In relation to the discussion with Ken this manosphere guy thinks that happy, thriving non christian marriages can't be called "good". They are successful but not good. 

 

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/successful-marriage-and-good-marriage/

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

In relation to the discussion with Ken this manosphere guy thinks that happy, thriving non christian marriages can't be called "good". They are successful but not good. 

And in the comment section we have a bit of health and wealth gospel...a woman telling the story of a non-church going couple with a happy marriage, so apparently God killed the wife to teach the man that he needs Jesus instead. 

Yuck. 

Reminds me of two incidents around accidental deaths when I was at Christian school. A Christian musician, Rich Mullins (I know some people here are familiar with him) died in a car accident. There was a discussion in the morning staff prayer meeting (a.k.a. mandatory daily gossip session) about how there were rumors he was considering Catholicism so God killed him to prevent him from condemning himself. The second was the death of a popular Nebraska football player in a plane crash. He was an evangelical, so the discussion was that perhaps he was going to "fall away" if he had lived to be drafted in the upcoming NFL draft, so God killed him to save him from that fate. 

The notion that God kills people to save them or others from sin is one of the grossest things I encountered there. 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

And in the comment section we have a bit of health and wealth gospel...a woman telling the story of a non-church going couple with a happy marriage, so apparently God killed the wife to teach the man that he needs Jesus instead.

The notion that God kills people to save them or others from sin is one of the grossest things I encountered there. 

Oh yeah forgot about that comment. That was horrendous. Absolutely disgusting to suggest such a thing. 

That would be like suggesting Sister Cathy Cesnik (the Keepers documentary) was killed because she was going to fall into sin 

[EowynW]

5 minutes ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

In relation to the discussion with Ken this manosphere guy thinks that happy, thriving non christian marriages can't be called "good". They are successful but not good. 

 

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/successful-marriage-and-good-marriage/

Which then led me to this: https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2015/09/01/doom-and-gloom-and-the-amount-of-attractive-christian-virgins/

i am wiping away tears as I post this. I was always the chubby girl who got passed over, both for my looks and my "too strong" personality. Nowbat 30, I'm married to a wonderful man, my best friend since childhood, but that chubby girl me is still inside, and articles like these just dug up what it's like being the chubby church girl with a kind bent towards more than just having babies. It digs up my dad saying "she'll never find a husband if she keeps letting herself go" and you Mom agreeing with him. And my I'm saying I needed to get thinner in order to attract Mr. EW when he first started showing interest, because "he will not want to marry someone young who is heavy. He won't want to marry someone that already looks like his mom." Which I don't. 

Its so odd how I think I'm doing well and then people like Lori and these other so called Christians start spewing this shit and then there's that young lady in me, that starts reliving all those experiences and hearing all of those words again, even though Mr. EW adores me and thinks and says I'm beautiful and sexy all the time. 

My day feels tainted now. 

5 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

And in the comment section we have a bit of health and wealth gospel...a woman telling the story of a non-church going couple with a happy marriage, so apparently God killed the wife to teach the man that he needs Jesus instead. 

Yuck. 

Reminds me of two incidents around accidental deaths when I was at Christian school. A Christian musician, Rich Mullins (I know some people here are familiar with him) died in a car accident. There was a discussion in the morning staff prayer meeting (a.k.a. mandatory daily gossip session) about how there were rumors he was considering Catholicism so God killed him to prevent him from condemning himself. The second was the death of a popular Nebraska football player in a plane crash. He was an evangelical, so the discussion was that perhaps he was going to "fall away" if he had lived to be drafted in the upcoming NFL draft, so God killed him to save him from that fate. 

The notion that God kills people to save them or others from sin is one of the grossest things I encountered there. 

Growing up we had youth group preachers tell stories of young people who dropped out of church or skipped a few Sundays who died horribly in car accidents etc. or the young people blessed with musical abilities who started playing in places outside of church and eventually didn't play much in church and how God caused them to have accidents that made them lose their hand(s) or eyesight 

[polecat]

12 hours ago, dairyfreelife said:

As to what the sickness was, the only thing I remember her mentioning is the car crash and having neck problems. Beyond that and how that put her out so much from doing anything I am unsure. I know she whined about it and nearly missing her son's wedding and something frozen peas to help her neck. 

I have chronic health problems, and I know several people irl who do as well. I know there are some here who do, too. In my experience, in the chronic health problem world, you go out of your way to fake well. You would not miss your child's wedding unless you were in the hospital or dead, and you most definitely would not make it all about you.

Unless you were Lori and wanted to use it to manipulate people or be the center of attention. I don't necessarily think she's faking everything -- but I do think she's definitely using it to her advantage.

[onemama]

3 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Its so odd how I think I'm doing well and then people like Lori and these other so called Christians start spewing this shit and then there's that young lady in me, that starts reliving all those experiences and hearing all of those words again, even though Mr. EW adores me and thinks and says I'm beautiful and sexy all the time. 

My day feels tainted now. 

Oh, @EowynW, please don't let those idiot manosphere adult-teenagers get the best of you!  They are not worth it. 

I feel like subjecting them to a little bit of their own medicine. 

[louisa05]

@EowynW When I taught at the Christian school as a single woman in my 20s, I was given endless lists of reasons that I was not good enough to be married. A sampler: 

*I didn't do crafting. Apparently, Christian men are in need of wives who make Christmas ornaments and crochet potholders. 

*I cut my hair off. Tired of tangles, I got it cut in a chin length bob my second year of teaching, thus, according to the busy bodies of the staff, ensuring that no man would ever come near me as a Christian woman's hair is her "glory" and is not, in fact, glorious unless it is long. 

* I followed college football and Major League Baseball and actually understood what I was watching. It is, acceptable, apparently, to watch said sports but if you understand what you are watching, you will offend all the single Christian men's fragile egos and they will never come near you. Also, you should not actually enjoy watching, but rather do it just to impress the men all the while pining for cooking shows or Jesus time. 

*I could not cook. Except I could, in fact, cook. But it was assumed that any woman over 22 that was unmarried could not cook because if she could, some good Christian man would smell food on her stove and run to her door and propose or something like that. I'm not really sure. But my singleness proved that I could not cook. 

*And, finally, the most relevant here, I was too thin. So, yeah, it goes both ways on that one. There is apparently a magic weight that is not too thin and not overweight that good Christian men desire and if you aren't exactly there, too bad for you. 

Except Mr. 05 married me in spite of all of these character defects and when I was an almost 5'7" size 4 with a chin length bob. He did know I could cook. I frequently cooked for us while we were dating. But he is somehow surviving the lack of crafting and the fact that I know way more about every sport than him. He asks me to explain what is going on while we are watching games. Of course, he is an evil Catholic who is going to hell, so that may be why all of this was okay with him. 

 

[Chocolatedefrauded]

So if Christians considering converting to Catholicism (which is a Christian faith) are killed to prevent this sin, why aren't all practicing Catholics killed? What about lapsed Catholics? There are plenty of us around & we aren't dying off at high rates. So much logic fail....