Dillards 25 - It's A Boy!

[louisa05]

3 hours ago, lomo6 said:

I know there are exceptions, but I can cite many instances of people I know with the most over-the-top "my life is perfect" social media presences being in horrendous marriages.

In the case of a cousin, the husband was physically abusive after getting back from Afghanistan, and yet her Instagram/Facebook was filled with "never thought I would get so lucky! " 24/7 kissy picks. That marriage has since ended, but it went on for years. 

I also have a college friend who's husband has cheated on her multiple times (which I learn via periodic drunk, sobbing phone calls) who posts every time he does something vaguely nice for her (like picking up take-out after work) with a post along the lines of "another day being pampered by my man, *swoon*!" They're still married...somehow.

It really helps me deal with the occasional pang of envy I get when looking at the social media posts of people I'm not in close touch with. 

 

I have also observed that people who tell you all about their perfect amazing wonderful marriage, whether on social media or elsewhere, rarely actually have a good marriage. 

We know a couple who barely speak to each other and rarely spend time with each other. The husband once explained to us that "it's just better if we  do our own separate things so no one is angry". We have sat in their house with them not even looking at each other for hours on end. It is not pleasant. But if you looked through their Facebook pages, you'd find sappy declarations of "best spouse ever" and long sugary sweet anniversary and Valentine messages every year. If you go back far enough, you'll find the commemorative "memory video" the husband made on the tenth anniversary of their first date. That appeared only a few days after we were at their house with them not speaking to each other. 

They aren't the only ones we know like that. I tend to wonder what is going on in real life whenever I see overly sappy couples constantly praising their own relationships on social media. 

[Galbin]

The comments on the girls' looks make me so sad. Yes, Jessa is stunning, and they are a crew of pretty girls. But do we really need to rank them, continually putting one particular sister last? This is the sort of stuff that contributes to eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Galbin said:

The comments on the girls' looks make me so sad. Yes, Jessa is stunning, and they are a crew of pretty girls. But do we really need to rank them, continually putting one particular sister last? This is the sort of stuff that contributes to eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

You know the only redeeming thing about this conversation is that "stunning and beautiful" are very subjective. Personally, I do not think Jessa is the most beautiful sister, maybe because her personality does not convey beauty. But really, all the girls are physically attractive- 

It's just a weird conversation.

[2manyKidzzz]

Since they willingly go on the TeeVee, their appearance will be commented on. That's life. I think they are all pretty. If they weren't in the cult, they would all have fun and date and have nice careers. Sigh. 

[Snarkle Motion]

36 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

Since they willingly go on the TeeVee, their appearance will be commented on. That's life. I think they are all pretty. If they weren't in the cult, they would all have fun and date and have nice careers. Sigh. 

I tend to agree that reality stars open themselves up to criticism but these girls had no decision about being put on TV. Some of the adult woman aren't even allowed to move out of the house or be alone where men are present so it feels unfair to say they are choosing this life. It very much seems that Jinger, now that she is free, wants minimal public exposure.

[Snarkle Motion]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I have also observed that people who tell you all about their perfect amazing wonderful marriage, whether on social media or elsewhere, rarely actually have a good marriage. 

We know a couple who barely speak to each other and rarely spend time with each other. The husband once explained to us that "it's just better if we  do our own separate things so no one is angry". We have sat in their house with them not even looking at each other for hours on end. It is not pleasant. But if you looked through their Facebook pages, you'd find sappy declarations of "best spouse ever" and long sugary sweet anniversary and Valentine messages every year. If you go back far enough, you'll find the commemorative "memory video" the husband made on the tenth anniversary of their first date. That appeared only a few days after we were at their house with them not speaking to each other. 

They aren't the only ones we know like that. I tend to wonder what is going on in real life whenever I see overly sappy couples constantly praising their own relationships on social media. 

I'm pretty sure scientific research has proven that the couples that are posting more frequently to social media about how "great" their relationship is are actually less likely to be in happy relationships. Happy people don't to spend lots of time trying to show people how happy they are - they just are. 

I'm basically in the process of becoming a therapist and I worked at a school for a while. Everyone was so focused on other peoples social media but then I'd meet the supposed "perfect" people and they would also be struggling with a lot of the same fears of their peers as well as unrelated problems. We can't know what other people are going through. What looks shiny and perfect on the outside rarely is.

I actually remember watching Josh and Anna when the show was new and actually thinking how in love and "perfect" their marriage seemed. Purity culture and my own family's belief system made me think that "maybe this saving the first kiss until marriage is how it's supposed to be?" Looked nice and shiny and perfect for a little while at least but now we know what was really going on.

[SilverBeach]

15 minutes ago, Snarkle Motion said:

I tend to agree that reality stars open themselves up to criticism but these girls had no decision about being put on TV. Some of the adult woman aren't even allowed to move out of the house or be alone where men are present so it feels unfair to say they are choosing this life. It very much seems that Jinger, now that she is free, wants minimal public exposure.

I disagree. Adults can do what they damn well please. They don't have the strength of character to push against the bullshit or take on the responsibility of caring for themselves. 

[ClaraOswin]

4 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I have also observed that people who tell you all about their perfect amazing wonderful marriage, whether on social media or elsewhere, rarely actually have a good marriage. 

We know a couple who barely speak to each other and rarely spend time with each other. The husband once explained to us that "it's just better if we  do our own separate things so no one is angry". We have sat in their house with them not even looking at each other for hours on end. It is not pleasant. But if you looked through their Facebook pages, you'd find sappy declarations of "best spouse ever" and long sugary sweet anniversary and Valentine messages every year. If you go back far enough, you'll find the commemorative "memory video" the husband made on the tenth anniversary of their first date. That appeared only a few days after we were at their house with them not speaking to each other. 

They aren't the only ones we know like that. I tend to wonder what is going on in real life whenever I see overly sappy couples constantly praising their own relationships on social media. 

I was in a "mom" group and some of the women would constantly complain about their husbands. But then on their public Facebook pages they would rave about how amazing their husbands were. It was so freaking obnoxious to me.

[Gillyweed]

18 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

I was in a "mom" group and some of the women would constantly complain about their husbands. But then on their public Facebook pages they would rave about how amazing their husbands were. It was so freaking obnoxious to me.

We literally just talked about this in my family science class today! It's more often than not the unsatisfied couples who flaunt their relationship online, if only to convince themselves it's worth it. 

[Fluffy14]

10 hours ago, Snarkle Motion said:

The fact that Jill got pregnant so quickly upon returning to the states makes me suspect that derick as headship decided they would be using some form of birth control. 

I very much wonder if this issue was ever discussed pre-marriage. Zika is a time to use condoms if ever there was and derick was not necessarily raised to believe all forms of birth control=evil the same way Jill was. This could have been a major issue for the couple, particularly Jill, considering she may have to submit to views she disagrees with causing tension in the relationship. When she has been taught that she must birth as many babies as possible this is actually a huge ideological difference and impacted her identity.

So not only was she alone all day in a foreign "dangerous" country with an infant that has proven more challenging than expected. She doesn't have her family and is not able to connect or communicate consistently with them. But she is also possibly questioning her headship and her entire purpose/identity was possibly taken away from her.

Brilliant insight. I totally agree. Not only the Zika thing but the Dr. Warning not to become pregnant for 18 months post c section. Was it an emergency section? Do they still do vertical sections?  Not sure how many times you can repeat that type. I had 4 sections myself.

[Georgiana]

2 hours ago, Gillyweed said:

We literally just talked about this in my family science class today! It's more often than not the unsatisfied couples who flaunt their relationship online, if only to convince themselves it's worth it. 

I have a friend who is always flaunting how her fiancé is the best, look how he spoils her with expensive gifts, etc. 

Well, said fiancé is actually my long time friend from high school, and through our mutual friend group, I happen to know that every one of those presents is an apology for infidelity (and yes, she knows). 

They're both great friends to others, but garbage partners to each other.  She refuses to work, go to school, or do anything around the house...and spent his engagement ring savings breaking their lease over petty drama (that she started).  He evidently cheats whenever he is given the opportunity.  It's a fucking nightmare. 

But on social media, it's perfect.

[Carm_88]

Social media is so iffy, people are always posting making their lives seem so perfect. For some people I think that makes them feel like failures. Well I don't have a husband and kids, we're the same age. Why am I not where she is? It's tough. I think relationships are hard enough without involving so many other people ,who are invested in them. 

[seasonsoflife]

16 hours ago, Galbin said:

The comments on the girls' looks make me so sad. Yes, Jessa is stunning, and they are a crew of pretty girls. But do we really need to rank them, continually putting one particular sister last? This is the sort of stuff that contributes to eating disorders and body dysmorphia.

In a different context I would agree. But these people are now adults and choosing to make a spectacle of their lives. I don't think there is anything "modest" or "humble" (and all those words fundies like to throw around senselessly) about a reality show. If you choose to grift, lie judge others, lobby horrible causes and make money all under your so called "Christian values", and someone wants to state their opinion that your sister is prettier than you, too bad. 

I am really, really not attacking you, your point is valid, and I am all for women empowering one another. but Jill exposes every single aspect of her life, constantly. She, as all the Duggars, could have choosen to leave the show and they are still there. All the freaking time. Exposing themselves and their kids and JUDGING EVERYONE.

I am sorry, I have days when I have zero tolerance towards the Duggars, this is one of them. This has nothing to do with you.

[nst]

3 hours ago, seasonsoflife said:

In a different context I would agree. But these people are now adults and choosing to make a spectacle of their lives. I don't think there is anything "modest" or "humble" (and all those words fundies like to throw around senselessly) about a reality show. If you choose to grift, lie judge others, lobby horrible causes and make money all under your so called "Christian values", and someone wants to state their opinion that your sister is prettier than you, too bad. 

I am really, really not attacking you, your point is valid, and I am all for women empowering one another. but Jill exposes every single aspect of her life, constantly. She, as all the Duggars, could have choosen to leave the show and they are still there. All the freaking time. Exposing themselves and their kids and JUDGING EVERYONE.

I am sorry, I have days when I have zero tolerance towards the Duggars, this is one of them. This has nothing to do with you.

i have to agree so much on this because at the end of jessa's I cried when he was born speel- she didn't hesitate for a second to say watch counting on all while ben sat there and looked uncomfortable. 

so this whole we are humble routine is a joke because it's a show - a reality show with very little reality at the end of the day.  it's not even as good as the housewives 

 

[fluffernutter]

Thoughts on the commentary regarding the girls...

Can you imagine lining the boys up and taking pics of them to talk incessantly about which one's the hottest, the biggest catch, the most athletic/built/funny/handsome/best dressed [insert  here] ??? The whole cult seems awfully centered around the girls looking a certain way while the guys just don't seem to have to even try. They present the girls that way, and yes, we do jump on the bandwagon but they market them! I didn't see any books written by the duggar teen boys about staying pure or being modest.

 

[OyToTheVey]

19 hours ago, Snarkle Motion said:

I'm pretty sure scientific research has proven that the couples that are posting more frequently to social media about how "great" their relationship is are actually less likely to be in happy relationships. Happy people don't to spend lots of time trying to show people how happy they are - they just are. 

I'm basically in the process of becoming a therapist and I worked at a school for a while. Everyone was so focused on other peoples social media but then I'd meet the supposed "perfect" people and they would also be struggling with a lot of the same fears of their peers as well as unrelated problems. We can't know what other people are going through. What looks shiny and perfect on the outside rarely is.

I actually remember watching Josh and Anna when the show was new and actually thinking how in love and "perfect" their marriage seemed. Purity culture and my own family's belief system made me think that "maybe this saving the first kiss until marriage is how it's supposed to be?" Looked nice and shiny and perfect for a little while at least but now we know what was really going on.

This reminds me of a couple I met on my recent trip. They were in my tour group so I spent quite a bit of time with them in the 2 weeks we were on the trip. If you look at their instagram or facebook posts, they're the happiest most together couple ever. But the thing is I was there for 2 weeks I've seen the behind the scenes of all those pictures and posts. Let's not go into the night when she just kept drinking and almost hooked up with someone else in the pool. Also they are so passive with each other. But according to social media they're the happiest thing ever. 

[Snarkle Motion]

40 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

Thoughts on the commentary regarding the girls...

Can you imagine lining the boys up and taking pics of them to talk incessantly about which one's the hottest, the biggest catch, the most athletic/built/funny/handsome/best dressed [insert  here] ??? The whole cult seems awfully centered around the girls looking a certain way while the guys just don't seem to have to even try. They present the girls that way, and yes, we do jump on the bandwagon but they market them! I didn't see any books written by the duggar teen boys about staying pure or being modest.

 

But this is why we should be better. These girls are taught by their cult that their self worth is in being feminine and attractive and desirable to their future husband. We are essentially sending them the same message.

While I am guilty of also making general comments about their appearance (she looks pregnant!) I think ranking them is not fair, particularly to the adults still under their parents headship and have no reasonable way to refuse the spotlight. 

I understand why people do this and how easy it is to get caught up in wanting to judge their appearance. But I legit think the spotlight at an early age damaged Jinger, there was likely a reason she overdid the self tanner and make up for a while and I think it's telling that she is choosing to remain out of the public eye despite what I'm sure are many profitable offers for tv/magazine appearances. 

[GotCaughtDancing]

Today whilst doing a simple duggar google - okay yes I was looking to see if Jessa named the new blessing yet - there are several sites that have picked up the story of Jill getting hell from fans on social media because her and dildick have decided to go back to scary CA.

Let's see why this is such a brilliant idea on their part:

Headship is sick and gaggy, JillyMuffin is knocked up and SCA has Zika going around like herpes in the 80's. And let's not forget that Jill has something going on with her carotid artery, possibly heart. Who makes these decisions?  Who would want their pregnant wife with what could be a serious condition to fly into a place with a deadly virus for babies and subpar medical and prenatal care. yep these two are BRILLIANT.

Also did anyone else find the carotid artery find a weird thing for just a wellness check?

[Carm_88]

25 minutes ago, GotCaughtDancing said:

Also did anyone else find the carotid artery find a weird thing for just a wellness check?

I found it all super vague and cliffhanger-ish. I don't know why he would have checked her carotid, I've never had it done but maybe it's normal? 

[GotCaughtDancing]

14 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

I found it all super vague and cliffhanger-ish. I don't know why he would have checked her carotid, I've never had it done but maybe it's normal? 

Glad to know I wasn't the only one!

Not that i want anything to be wrong with her, but I hope they didn't just fake it for cliffhanger drama.

[Gobsmacked]

What is up with Jills carotid artery? I've missed this news.

[GotCaughtDancing]

54 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

What is up with Jills carotid artery? I've missed this news.

On the episode before the latest one Jill & Derrick went for a wellness check-up. The doctor did bascially nothing but then pulled "you have some thinning of your carotid artery here and we need to check it" (not wxact quote). Then we hear nothing of it again, of course.

This threw up (lol) red flags for me because we know JillyMuffin will try for another crazy homebirth and that could be dangerous. But maybe it is nothing?

[Carm_88]

2 minutes ago, GotCaughtDancing said:

On the episode before the latest one Jill & Derrick went for a wellness check-up. The doctor did bascially nothing but then pulled "you have some thinning of your carotid artery here and we need to check it" (not wxact quote). Then we hear nothing of it again, of course.

He said something about an ultrasound, I think. Or was that on Derick? 

[2manyKidzzz]

10 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

He said something about an ultrasound, I think. Or was that on Derick? 

I thought he just said that it should be looked at. But I have been wrong before. 

[Carm_88]

4 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

I thought he just said that it should be looked at. But I have been wrong before. 

You very well could be right. I wasn't paying too much attention.