Dillards 25 - It's A Boy!

[realist51]

I've never been a Jill hater. I kind of liked her goofy optimism, and, although her dreams of being a nurse were squashed, at least she had dreams. Watching the latest episode, I am very concerned for Jill and Derick. They look MISERABLE! Watching Derick play golf with the other guys, he just seemed brittle and pissy the entire time. Jill has lost her golden retriever happiness, and she was really subdued during the Escape Room bit.  Something is seriously wrong there. 

[Carm_88]

20 minutes ago, realist51 said:

I've never been a Jill hater. I kind of liked her goofy optimism, and, although her dreams of being a nurse were squashed, at least she had dreams. Watching the latest episode, I am very concerned for Jill and Derick. They look MISERABLE! Watching Derick play golf with the other guys, he just seemed brittle and pissy the entire time. Jill has lost her golden retriever happiness, and she was really subdued during the Escape Room bit.  Something is seriously wrong there. 

What happened was two silly adults, one who was rarely away from Mommy and Daddy, went to a country where they were not wanted or needed. They have no skills, don't speak the language, and they see it as very dangerous. They have their baby with them and Jill had a very traumatic birth, somewhat due to her own stupidity. So they get down there and are alone; with no way to cope and they don't really know each other that well. I'd say all of that happened plus Jill was molested by her brother and Derick had lost his father. So they have a lot of underlying issues 

[realist51]

1 hour ago, Carm_88 said:

What happened was two silly adults, one who was rarely away from Mommy and Daddy, went to a country where they were not wanted or needed. They have no skills, don't speak the language, and they see it as very dangerous. They have their baby with them and Jill had a very traumatic birth, somewhat due to her own stupidity. So they get down there and are alone; with no way to cope and they don't really know each other that well. I'd say all of that happened plus Jill was molested by her brother and Derick had lost his father. So they have a lot of underlying issues 

You know, knowing that the above is true, intellectually, is quite different from seeing the actual fallout before my eyes. Seeing them is a real bucket of cold water. It's awful.

[Carm_88]

1 minute ago, realist51 said:

You know, knowing that the above is true, intellectually, is quite different from seeing the actual fallout before my eyes. Seeing them is a real bucket of cold water. It's awful.

The sad part is that they are going to go back and do the same thing. 

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." They are a train wreck 

[Fun Undies]

On 2/3/2017 at 8:45 PM, anotherone said:

Rest assured, we ALL lean towards probirth, but understand why abortion is necessary. "All" meaning all pro-choice people.  I would bet virtually no one, even the most radical feminist, actually wants to deliberately push people towards abortion if the woman didn't want it, or could go around saying she likes abortion. 

I don't know why the conservatives seem to think pro-choice want to push people and convince them to have abortions. And because of this when you hear anyone talk about being pro-choice, they seem to feel they have to qualify it with, well I really don't like abortion, I just think it's necessary sometimes. Or, I would never have an abortion, but I understand why people do.  Of course no one likes it!  I hate that it makes pro-choice people defensive.

I hope I'm making sense....

Sorry I couldn't respond earlier, I seem to make it on FJ about every five days lately

I definitely think your making sense, but also wanted to make sure I didn't come across as a conservative, or that I somehow don't think that most (if not all) pro choice people would not push abortion on a woman.  If I somehow came across like that, I'd like to state that that wasn't my intent at all ~ anyways, on to catching up on the threads

[Shadoewolf]

Eating healthy/fresh isn't hard if they do 2 minutes of research on Google. There are at least 4 farmers markets in Fayetteville, not including Springdale or Bentonville. They make enough, or maybe the kidults need to start contributing for food!

Part of the problem is that most of the foods they eat are high in sodium and sugar, preservatives. The body can actually go through withdrawls from switching to fresh after such a long time. It takes a few weeks to completely detox off and adjust. Never happen in Duggarland. 

[Fluffy14]

3 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

What happened was two silly adults, one who was rarely away from Mommy and Daddy, went to a country where they were not wanted or needed. They have no skills, don't speak the language, and they see it as very dangerous. They have their baby with them and Jill had a very traumatic birth, somewhat due to her own stupidity. So they get down there and are alone; with no way to cope and they don't really know each other that well. I'd say all of that happened plus Jill was molested by her brother and Derick had lost his father. So they have a lot of underlying issues 

Jill has never ever been taught coping skills. She has been taught to deny any feelings, but to look to some verse to help her.  She goes from naive young woman to having sex, with little or no knowledge except for some BS. Pregnancy hormones, birth. then BAM her world falls apart because of her brother. Pain, embarrassment, suddenly being exposed as a victim. Oh the humiliation. Her world of purity and everything she had known about a righteous, upstanding Christian was blown apart.  Disappointment, despair, humiliation. All of a sudden her Sunny rainbow days of being a righteous example of a Godly family  just hit the shit fan and blew it to the ends of the earth.  She was once adored and now despised. Her family facing  scrutiny, speculation, rumours ,  and betrayal.  Dumb ass husband sees exit stage left, and takes a post partum  woman away from the security she has ever known. Think about it. They hide in their compound away from the real world, running away from evil everything.  So she goes to Central America with a husband who knows nothing about women, birth, babies.  He had no sisters. He is clueless.  Then he goes off  into the gringo killing fields  while she stays home attending a bible study with women who face poverty,  rape,  domestic abuse, disease, and she is clueless on how  to deal with them.What is a girl like her going to tell a women with 3 kids  how do deal with a drunken husband who doesn't work?  Talk about insecurity.  This girl has not been prepared to deal with any of this. Then Zika, and she shouldn't get pregnant. The only thing she has been told makes her useful and valuable and she can't do it.  And to top it all off they are rag mag fodder for being idiot grifters.  Again in her world this is common  place. Highly acceptable behaviour. And all of a sudden people expose them and hate them. For a girl who has been taught  to hide her feelings  put on a smile, pretend your ok I think this next baby might push her over the top.

[2manyKidzzz]

I had thought this before. Jill lived all those years in a house with all those peoples!! Then she is alone a lot with Izzy while Derick preaches his stuff and cougars roam outside. Difficult for sure. 

[Fluffy14]

10 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

I had thought this before. Jill lived all those years in a house with all those peoples!! Then she is alone a lot with Izzy while Derick preaches his stuff and cougars roam outside. Difficult for sure. 

Yah, she is alone. She can't even process it with any of her sisters.  I mean they are all home bawling, hugging, praying,   And she's off in the wild with things falling in the shower, her baby is eating scorpions and one prong short of a plug in for her lap top. In a way to cope she binds up her baby because you know this is what you do when you don't know what else to do. I bet she tried every Gothard, Pearl method and it probably  failed on all levels. Her only thrill is to post some pineapple stir fry recipe that anybody who knows anything has already eaten before. 

 

[Tangy Bee]

I just get the feeling Derick does not really want to be on camera...but that's what is paying bills and helping them survive, so he just deals with it. Hopefully he's savy with saving or investing because this show won't last forever. Missionary life is different when you are no longer a bachelor, and responsible for a wife and baby. Now another is on the way and looks like they are staying put. So he better fake a smile and make that TLC money or get a regular job! Sorry for the rant folks. It's hard for me to feel sorry for them when all they are doing is "talking" and trying to convince people they are normal.

[PainfullyAware]

It's funny, but when you look at what Jill has been through from the point of view of low emotional intelligence (by that I mean, emotional coping skills), it would go from stressful to overwhelming. Personally I was in a situation where I had a health problem, was in a new country, and trying to figure out a new grad school program, where I developed anxiety issues. It was overwhelming. Now she is home and pregnant (=productive in their world). Maybe she feels she should be thrilled but is still feeling the same way as before? 

Maybe she absolutely hates the show and blames it but feels financially trapped. That might make her look anxious and stiff on camera.

[Georgiana]

The thing about setting your marriage up as an extra special perfect God ordained super marriage is that it makes it THAT MUCH HARDER to admit when your marriage isn't perfect, which can make it impossible to fix or improve.   

[adidas]

32 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

The thing about setting your marriage up as an extra special perfect God ordained super marriage is that it makes it THAT MUCH HARDER to admit when your marriage isn't perfect, which can make it impossible to fix or improve.   

And since her family would never allow her to divorce, she's probably wondering how she'll cope with the next 50-70 years of the same.

[SassyPants]

12 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

I just get the feeling Derick does not really want to be on camera...but that's what is paying bills and helping them survive, so he just deals with it. Hopefully he's savy with saving or investing because this show won't last forever. Missionary life is different when you are no longer a bachelor, and responsible for a wife and baby. Now another is on the way and looks like they are staying put. So he better fake a smile and make that TLC money or get a regular job! Sorry for the rant folks. It's hard for me to feel sorry for them when all they are doing is "talking" and trying to convince people they are normal.

Before they married, JB asked Derick if he would go in debt to repair a broken car, and Derick said "no". Yet Derick quit is paying job with no back-up secured, and still has not procured steady employment (beyond TLC) for his growing family. 

How does JB expect for them all to live debt free if they do not work?

The Duggars need to be audited, ASAP. Either that or JB needs to give seminars on how to not work for decades on end, while supporting a small army in a fairly cushy lifestyle.

 

[nst]

13 hours ago, Fluffy14 said:

Yah, she is alone. She can't even process it with any of her sisters.  I mean they are all home bawling, hugging, praying,   And she's off in the wild with things falling in the shower, her baby is eating scorpions and one prong short of a plug in for her lap top. In a way to cope she binds up her baby because you know this is what you do when you don't know what else to do. I bet she tried every Gothard, Pearl method and it probably  failed on all levels. Her only thrill is to post some pineapple stir fry recipe that anybody who knows anything has already eaten before. 

 

why would it fail on all levels there but at home it work ? serious question 

[Four is Enough]

46 minutes ago, nst said:

why would it fail on all levels there but at home it work ? serious question 

First of all, I think all of the Pearl methods that I've learned about involve someone, probably mostly the mother, focusing on one child, and one child's behavior, alone, until the child "gets it right", That is extremely labor intensive. I don't believe Michelle ever did it alone' I believe her MIL or one of the older children was always drafted to blanket train.  I do not believe that Jill has the stamina or attention span to  focus on one thing like that for a long period of time. To her possible credit, I'm not sure she's completely  invested in the harsher forms of child control. This is why we see videos of Izzy "jumping for joy", which really means dancing. She sees it, knows it's natural and cute, and loves it.

 

At home, meaning the TTH, there would always be someone ready to remind Jill that her child was coming off the blanket, and possibly that someone would flick the child's legs themselves without Jill actually being aware it was happening.

 

The other thing I wonder is: does Jill          use her child for emotional gratification in a way Michelle never did? Izzy is her sole companion in DangerMurica, when Derick is away. I mean, I know there are other women, but how many speak english well enough to become JIll's "dear friend"? I'm betting none. So Jill can't or won't discipline Izzy in the harsh manner that she herself was probably disciplined. He's her "best friend."

 

My opinion, of course.

[ClaraOswin]

I just went to the Dillard facebook page. There is a close up of them kissing. What the hell is up with that? I mean...who does that? No one I know.  The caption is - "I ❤️ you sweetie! You are the most encouraging, sweet, Godly guy in the whole world and I'm so in love with you! #besthubbyever"

It's like she's trying to convince herself or something.

And I seriously hate the overuse of "Godly" in these super religious types.

[Carm_88]

9 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

I just went to the Dillard facebook page. There is a close up of them kissing. What the hell is up with that? I mean...who does that? No one I know.  The caption is - "I ❤️ you sweetie! You are the most encouraging, sweet, Godly guy in the whole world and I'm so in love with you! #besthubbyever"

It's like she's trying to convince herself or something.

And I seriously hate the overuse of "Godly" in these super religious types.

Vomit! I think she is trying to convince herself. God I hate that crap; no one wants to see you kiss! Unless it's your wedding day! 

[ScorpiousMalfoy]

23 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

I just went to the Dillard facebook page. There is a close up of them kissing. What the hell is up with that? I mean...who does that? No one I know.  The caption is - "I ❤️ you sweetie! You are the most encouraging, sweet, Godly guy in the whole world and I'm so in love with you! #besthubbyever"

It's like she's trying to convince herself or something.

And I seriously hate the overuse of "Godly" in these super religious types.

I decided to check it out... gosh, these people are so "in your face". I mean, even most teenagers (not all of course) have the decency not too share their PDAs on facebook...

 

And maybe it's a mean thing to say but how weird it is that after what, almost three years of marriage they still look like they don't know how  to kiss properly. Flatly pressing your lips against somebody elses face must be the most boring smooching ever XD maybe it's a Duggar thing, Jessa & Ben also had this awkward kissing diseaster in their video for wedding anniversary.

[lomo6]

I know there are exceptions, but I can cite many instances of people I know with the most over-the-top "my life is perfect" social media presences being in horrendous marriages.

In the case of a cousin, the husband was physically abusive after getting back from Afghanistan, and yet her Instagram/Facebook was filled with "never thought I would get so lucky! " 24/7 kissy picks. That marriage has since ended, but it went on for years. 

I also have a college friend who's husband has cheated on her multiple times (which I learn via periodic drunk, sobbing phone calls) who posts every time he does something vaguely nice for her (like picking up take-out after work) with a post along the lines of "another day being pampered by my man, *swoon*!" They're still married...somehow.

It really helps me deal with the occasional pang of envy I get when looking at the social media posts of people I'm not in close touch with. 

 

[Snarkle Motion]

The fact that Jill got pregnant so quickly upon returning to the states makes me suspect that derick as headship decided they would be using some form of birth control. 

I very much wonder if this issue was ever discussed pre-marriage. Zika is a time to use condoms if ever there was and derick was not necessarily raised to believe all forms of birth control=evil the same way Jill was. This could have been a major issue for the couple, particularly Jill, considering she may have to submit to views she disagrees with causing tension in the relationship. When she has been taught that she must birth as many babies as possible this is actually a huge ideological difference and impacted her identity.

So not only was she alone all day in a foreign "dangerous" country with an infant that has proven more challenging than expected. She doesn't have her family and is not able to connect or communicate consistently with them. But she is also possibly questioning her headship and her entire purpose/identity was possibly taken away from her.

[ClaraOswin]

21 minutes ago, ScorpiousMalfoy said:

I decided to check it out... gosh, these people are so "in your face". I mean, even most teenagers (not all of course) have the decency not too share their PDAs on facebook...

 

And maybe it's a mean thing to say but how weird it is that after what, almost three years of marriage they still look like they don't know how  to kiss properly. Flatly pressing your lips against somebody elses face must be the most boring smooching ever XD maybe it's a Duggar thing, Jessa & Ben also had this awkward kissing diseaster in their video for wedding anniversary.

I went and looked again (eww.) He's basically kissing the space above her lip. So bizarre.

[CorruptionInc.]

1 hour ago, lomo6 said:

I know there are exceptions, but I can cite many instances of people I know with the most over-the-top "my life is perfect" social media presences being in horrendous marriages.

In the case of a cousin, the husband was physically abusive after getting back from Afghanistan, and yet her Instagram/Facebook was filled with "never thought I would get so lucky! " 24/7 kissy picks. That marriage has since ended, but it went on for years. 

I also have a college friend who's husband has cheated on her multiple times (which I learn via periodic drunk, sobbing phone calls) who posts every time he does something vaguely nice for her (like picking up take-out after work) with a post along the lines of "another day being pampered by my man, *swoon*!" They're still married...somehow.

It really helps me deal with the occasional pang of envy I get when looking at the social media posts of people I'm not in close touch with. 

 

If anything, never compare your every day life with someone else's highlight reel.

My FB is boring and rather quiet. 

I always do wonder what people are trying to prove when they post all those soppy pics...

[Fluffy14]

6 hours ago, nst said:

why would it fail on all levels there but at home it work ? serious question 

Who binds up a baby older than 6 months? I was being snarky.

[PennySycamore]

@ClaraOswin, the use of the word "godly" makes me want to barf.