Another Duggar Courting - Joy and Austin

[Thorns]

9 hours ago, Lurky said:

If anyone wants to see what's on the course, but doesn't want to give them the hits, here's what the course is:
 

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That stretcher, and esp the use of thes straps, is atrocious. Choking hazard, and not fixating properly. At least cross the straps!

*RAnt over*

[Bad Wolf]

Funny, they're learning how to light a fire, first aid and lashing. Everything my 12 year old grandson is doing for 1st. class boy scouts. The scouts didn't learn to make a stretcher like that though. Doesn't look safe.

[Gobsmacked]

6 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

I think I had to "adult" too fast due to immature parents when I was 12-16 , and now I act like a giant kid to compensate for those lost years. I'm in my mid to late twenties, and still snuggle a teddy when I'm having a rough day. And I don't care what society has to say about it !

I had to adult at nine years old. Two younger siblings and a mother who fed us but didn't really care about much else. Narsasistic mothers are awful.

We siblings can still enjoy childish fun when the opportunity presents its self!

[Thorns]

15 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Funny, they're learning how to light a fire, first aid and lashing. Everything my 12 year old grandson is doing for 1st. class boy scouts. The scouts didn't learn to make a stretcher like that though. Doesn't look safe.

It is not. It is bad on so many levels. Like a lot of fundie things, trying and failing.

[Bad Wolf]

Wolf 2 was home from college for Christmas some years ago. He found his old Brio/Thomas train set and spent a happy time playing with it. We're never too old for toys. That's why they make adult coloring books. 

[j-rin]

When I was a young teen I did civil air patrol which is like rotc for the air force.. we did a lot of search and rescue and training. If we had built a stretcher like that we would have gotten chewed out. The straps are dangerously placed. The stretchers themselves also need a tarp over them to securely hold the person. The straps criss-cross over the arms and chest and the legs and if needed one strap over the forehead. Never the neck. Half of ours were strap less... just paracord. 

 

As for growing up. I had my first kid at 16. I was never into dolls and toys though being a 90s teen I had beanie babies and I still have today at 33 my stuffed bunny I slept with every night from 6 til I was 21. I don't wear make up either... I was very thin cause I was very active... not so much now... 

[HarryPotterFan]

15 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Maybe they say that because they feel like they wasted their lives.

Also, I feel so grateful that the way I was raised and the culture of where I was raised has made it hard for me to fathom that some people think like that. There are downsides to my upbringing, though. In my hometown, the neighbors would probably talk shit about how she went to Brown, since after all, we can't all go to Haaahvaaaahd. Girls who had babies before 25 were either married to rich men (and getting married before 25 was only if you were religious, knocked up, or getting your SO/yourself a visa), very religious, irresponsible, or didn't care enough about their careers. If you weren't in grad/med/law/nursing school, doing something artsy, working for a startup/finance firm, or similarly ambitious, you got funny looks at your high school reunion. At fourteen, you weren't necessarily expected to wear makeup and get a man, but you were expected to have your list of colleges mostly set and have as many extracurriculars as possible, plus Ivy League/Little Ivies/MIT-worthy grades.

Did we grow up in the same neighborhood? 

Being surrounded by that mentality sucks, doesn't it? At least for me it makes me feel like I have to meet a certain standard, and that there's something wrong with me for not going to Ivy League school. I know these standards aren't normal but it sure does a number on your mental well-being.

Sometimes I miss that educated liberal bubble though, back before I knew the Donald Trumps and Jim Bob Duggars of the world existed. I remember being shocked when I was 13 and found out same sex marriage wasn't legal, and also shocked when I found out in colleges that some high schools don't let same sex couples go to prom together. Things were much simpler then.

13 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

-snip-

I could be completely and totally wrong here. But I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're in New England? Cause I grew up in Connecticut and this sounds relatively accurate for a lot of families here. 

Where I grew up had the same mindset as @nastyhobbitses, not New England though. A bit south of there. 

11 hours ago, eveandadam said:

-snip-

He says that women who don't have chldren or have children past 30 will get cancer  and die soon. all my family believes him, except me. My mother, too, once told me that women shouldn't have children when they are older than 30. I was 31 at the time she told me and it was directly after I told her I want two children.

And btw: This is in Germany, yes. :-(

My mom had me at 38! And she's still alive! Though she does like to remind me fertility decreases after 30...

 

9 hours ago, Gillyweed said:

My parents didn't pressure me into growing up, but my brothers did. They made fun of me for watching Nickolodeon in 5th grade. 

My best friend and I still played with barbies up until we were about 14, but we didn't dare mention it outside my house. We felt like people would laugh at us for still playing with dolls. 

I will 100% admit that I recently saw a bunch of new Barbie things that I really want but can't justify buying. I need my cousin to by them for his daughters so I can play with them   

6 hours ago, Cat Damon said:

If it makes you feel any better, I am 28 and I still have the rabbit that I slept with for years- I don't sleep with her in my bed anymore but she does have a special place on my dresser. She came to college with me and I took her on vacations with me a few times in college. I consider myself to be pretty well-adjusted and mature. My parents never suggested that I get rid of her, they let me wait until I was comfortable. I have a cousin who was forced to give up his animal and he is still sad about it over ten years later.

I brought my stuffed dolly to college. I still have her and I'm 26. (Yes. HER, not it. I weirded out my freshman roommate referring to my doll as "her"). I'm so glad other people keep such cherished things into adulthood.

Think my future husband will draw the line at me bringing my baby blankie into our marriage bed? 

[front hugs > duggs]

My mom had me just 15 days short of her 40th birthday! My older sister (different father) and older brother (out of wedlock) were both surprise! babies... I always lovingly tease that I was the planned one and they saved the best for last  unfortunately my mom passed away this past summer (due to cancer, but I'm feeling pretty sure that having me over 30 was not the reason for that), and strangely, while I had the least amount of time with her, I've had the toughest time of the three of us.

Anyway, my mom was always the "old" mom of all my friends, and I hated that we weren't as close as my friends and their moms due to pretty big generational differences. It always made me want to be a "young, cool mom" to quote mean girls. But now I'm almost 27 and newly married and cannot imagine having kids in the near future. I love my job and want to focus on growing with my husband and traveling together before we decide to raise children. Plus, what if my future children want all my stuffed animals? I'm not sure if my husband and I are ready to share our collection yet 

[Bad Wolf]

My mum was 43 when she had me. Surprise! She lived to 91, so I never felt deprived of a mother. I had her longer than some of my friends with young mums.

[JillyO]

5 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

My mom had me just 15 days short of her 40th birthday! My older sister (different father) and older brother (out of wedlock) were both surprise! babies... I always lovingly tease that I was the planned one and they saved the best for last  unfortunately my mom passed away this past summer (due to cancer, but I'm feeling pretty sure that having me over 30 was not the reason for that), and strangely, while I had the least amount of time with her, I've had the toughest time of the three of us.

Anyway, my mom was always the "old" mom of all my friends, and I hated that we weren't as close as my friends and their moms due to pretty big generational differences. It always made me want to be a "young, cool mom" to quote mean girls. But now I'm almost 27 and newly married and cannot imagine having kids in the near future. I love my job and want to focus on growing with my husband and traveling together before we decide to raise children. Plus, what if my future children want all my stuffed animals? I'm not sure if my husband and I are ready to share our collection yet 

My mom was 30, so neither particularly young nor particularly old, but I've still always wanted to be a "young, cool mom" myself. I'm also, like you, 26 and newly married, and I really don't think children are in our immediate future. I love traveling with my husband, and I love my job, and my husband wants to start his PhD next year and so that also means moving to the US (we're German). How do you even fit kids into that equation? I guess maybe I'll just be an old, cool mom instead.  

[Showtunesgirl]

6 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

Did we grow up in the same neighborhood? 

Being surrounded by that mentality sucks, doesn't it? At least for me it makes me feel like I have to meet a certain standard, and that there's something wrong with me for not going to Ivy League school. I know these standards aren't normal but it sure does a number on your mental well-being.

Sometimes I miss that educated liberal bubble though, back before I knew the Donald Trumps and Jim Bob Duggars of the world existed. I remember being shocked when I was 13 and found out same sex marriage wasn't legal, and also shocked when I found out in colleges that some high schools don't let same sex couples go to prom together. Things were much simpler then.

Where I grew up had the same mindset as @nastyhobbitses, not New England though. A bit south of there. 

My mom had me at 38! And she's still alive! Though she does like to remind me fertility decreases after 30...

 

I will 100% admit that I recently saw a bunch of new Barbie things that I really want but can't justify buying. I need my cousin to by them for his daughters so I can play with them   

I brought my stuffed dolly to college. I still have her and I'm 26. (Yes. HER, not it. I weirded out my freshman roommate referring to my doll as "her"). I'm so glad other people keep such cherished things into adulthood.

Think my future husband will draw the line at me bringing my baby blankie into our marriage bed? 

My much beloved teddy still goes on vacation with me (and I'm in my thirties). When I was in college and living in the dorms, whenever the fire alarm went off, he (yes he has a name but if anyone who knows me reads this it'll be too easy to figure out who I am) was the priority, before my keys and cell phone. My roommate thought it hilarious that even half asleep, I still secured him first, though she was less amused that I didn't physically drag her out of bed until I had him on my person (she slept like a log).

[eveandadam]

My mom had me at 21, so really young for today's standards but she was an old mum in East Germany at the time, when almost all the women had their first child in their late teens. The standard was getting married at 18 or 19 (right after highschool and before university) and immediately trying for kids. I'm 32 and I feel the pressure from my family. My two cousins had their first children at 20 and 25.

[Gobbles]

I was never required to grow up (as in make up and such things) by my family. My mother never uses make up so that would have been a bit awkward if she told me to use some... To this day (I'm 25) I never went out of the house with make up. They never took away my toys either. Same situation. How could they if they have stuffed animals as well? My room looks like the mix between a 8 year old boy and a medical student my age (due the book shelve full with medical books). Plus stuffed animals everywhere. They have names and some even get dressed. 

We are leaving for holiday next week and yes, we all take stuffed animals with us. Two adults over 50 and me, the adult child with 25. 

@Showtunesgirl When I fly somewhere and have a stuffed animal with me, they need to be in my carry on, so I can rescue them in case of emergency. And even if they say only one piece of luggage allowed they are my second. I once bought a giant baby seal and carried it into the plane without a bag. The children loved it and the adults laughed as well. 

 

[outtheblue]

9 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

My mom had me just 15 days short of her 40th birthday! My older sister (different father) and older brother (out of wedlock) were both surprise! babies... I always lovingly tease that I was the planned one and they saved the best for last  unfortunately my mom passed away this past summer (due to cancer, but I'm feeling pretty sure that having me over 30 was not the reason for that), and strangely, while I had the least amount of time with her, I've had the toughest time of the three of us.

Anyway, my mom was always the "old" mom of all my friends, and I hated that we weren't as close as my friends and their moms due to pretty big generational differences. It always made me want to be a "young, cool mom" to quote mean girls. But now I'm almost 27 and newly married and cannot imagine having kids in the near future. I love my job and want to focus on growing with my husband and traveling together before we decide to raise children. Plus, what if my future children want all my stuffed animals? I'm not sure if my husband and I are ready to share our collection yet 

I had sorta the same experience with my parents...my mom was 35, which isn't old but by the time I was in first grade, noticeably older than all my friend's parents, and my dad was 48 when I was born. We've always had a hard time connecting.

[sansan]

We were both quite young when we had our first, me being just shy of 21 and my husband was 22. Nope, we did not say we will grow up together, we both were mature. Never regretted the decision to have both kiddos before 25 and we enjoy our adult children and all 6 grand punks. We have fun together. The only drawback for us was financial, we were not filthy rich, oh wait, we still aren't 44 years later. Young marriages and parenthood can work, just not for everyone.

 

[19Kittens]

Being a young mom isn't for everyone. Both my pregnancies have been surprises. I had my daughter at 19, my husband was 24. I'm 21 now & he's 26. baby number 2 is due in May. it's expensive to raise kids, as well as mentally and physically taxing AF. sometimes we dream about what life would've been like if we had kids later, but we wouldn't trade them for the world. People often don't take young parents seriously and it's a real shame.

[paulypepper]

On 11/3/2016 at 7:30 AM, VelociRapture said:

 

When we raise our daughter (and any other children we're lucky enough to have) we intend to let her be a kid. My parents did that with me and my siblings and my In-Laws did that with their boys too. I'm sure she's going to grow up a bit quicker than we're ready for - and that's ok too. As long as she's healthy, happy, and safe that's all that matters to me.

 

Being an "old fart" who has four daughters and eight grands, I've always been on the side of letting them be kids no matter how old. They all turned out fine. For the record though, I'm a bigger kid than all of them!

 

[Showtunesgirl]

@Gobbles OMG ME TOO! He's always in my carry-on personal item (because he's so small), but if the seat next to me is empty sometimes he gets buckled into his own seat. 

[luv2laugh]

Not in New England or on east coast but the same New England mindset exists here. My SO went to an Ivy (I didn't and I always beat myself up about it which isn't great I know). People who have babies prior to 27 around here are given silly looks unless they are married to a rich MUCH older man. Everyone around here works for a Wall Street firm, top law firm, or is in a top med school ROAD residency specialty. I swear everyone around here is either a lawyer, consultant, or investment banker. I started a post few weeks back about the geographic cultural differences filled with data regarding early marriage and babies and offended a ton of people here at FJ so I'm not going to touch on that again.... Anyhow, Wall Street culture and Big Law here is not a liberal bubble here FYI it's total elitist republicans around here.

[VixenToast]

3 hours ago, 19Kittens said:

Being a young mom isn't for everyone. Both my pregnancies have been surprises. I had my daughter at 19, my husband was 24. I'm 21 now & he's 26. baby number 2 is due in May. it's expensive to raise kids, as well as mentally and physically taxing AF. sometimes we dream about what life would've been like if we had kids later, but we wouldn't trade them for the world. People often don't take young parents seriously and it's a real shame.

Daily. I do daily. I wonder where I would be right now if my mom had actually opened up about her abortion with me when I told her I was pregnant at 20. She had one maybe 5 years before me, with my dad. She had just started college and it wasn't the time for a baby. They had just started dating and he offered to take her and protect her from the protesters (this would have been around 1985 or so). And I arrived shortly after she finished college, a year and two months after they married when she was 25. I see the life they provided for my sister and I and I feel grateful. I've actually personally thanked my mom for her choice and the things they could provide for us growing up. I only found out this year.

i wish she had told me. It might have influenced me to make another choice (to the Duggars it is an ebil choice). I can't provide much for my kid except a roof and clothes and food. And while you may pat me on the back and say, "oh it's ok, you're doing your best," I want to STRESS that, no, it's not okay. It's far from ok. My child deserves better than this. He doesn't know it, he's only 5 but soon he will and I'll feel so ashamed. :/ I wish I had waited. Fuck, I wish he had used a condom.

end of utterly selfish rant, sorry if I come off sounding fully resentful of motherhood. I love my son to pieces and love everything about him and will do what I can for him. Even if he grows up to hate me for not providing him with everything he deserves, I will love him.

[Fluffypaws]

I love this discussion! I'm 25 I have a special stuffed animal that's a cat. The kitty stays on my shelf or goes on vacation with me and gets his pictures taken. Yep.  I'll put him in my purse, but have his head peeking out, but will fully bring him out to take his  picture like by a fountain or what not. My mom last year went to Cape Cod and happily volunteered to take him with her (she thinks it's cute and funny). Kitty had a nice time traveling and got lots of pictures with him at certain destinations. Since FJ is a safe place, I'll even admit to had turned this into a kinda hobby. Last year for fun, I made a Facebook page of him and his "traveling's", but wasn't able to keep the page for long because I'm too busy with school to maintain it, but it was fun.  

[candygirl200413]

In terms of ages: My parents were in their mid to late 30s, which I feel like it's pretty average? But out of my friend group they are like the oldest set of parents, but they are also still young at heart. I also started puberty early(around 8)  but never felt pressure to give up my "child things" I feel like my parents actually did the opposite because even though physically I was growing, mentally I was still a little 2nd grader, I'm so sorry for those who had too but I'm glad you are okay now.

 

Stuffed animals: I still sleep with my stuffed bunny I've had for the past like 15-16 years. Low key thought I was weird for still sleeping with one but dr. google calmed me down since it only stays in my bed!

[Kira]

I was skeptical when I saw the thread title, but seeing Leah Grady's name makes it believable. She's fundie and a family friend(or friend of a friend) 

A few months ago I did say it was strange that TLC did so much time hinting about Joy possibly courting. I also said a would be susprised if a few of the kidult are getting to know someone/courting.  I still believe Josiah and Marjorie are/ will be getting back together.

[luv2laugh]

1 hour ago, VixenToast said:

Daily. I do daily. I wonder where I would be right now if my mom had actually opened up about her abortion with me when I told her I was pregnant at 20. She had one maybe 5 years before me, with my dad. She had just started college and it wasn't the time for a baby. They had just started dating and he offered to take her and protect her from the protesters (this would have been around 1985 or so). And I arrived shortly after she finished college, a year and two months after they married when she was 25. I see the life they provided for my sister and I and I feel grateful. I've actually personally thanked my mom for her choice and the things they could provide for us growing up. I only found out this year.

i wish she had told me. It might have influenced me to make another choice (to the Duggars it is an ebil choice). I can't provide much for my kid except a roof and clothes and food. And while you may pat me on the back and say, "oh it's ok, you're doing your best," I want to STRESS that, no, it's not okay. It's far from ok. My child deserves better than this. He doesn't know it, he's only 5 but soon he will and I'll feel so ashamed. :/ I wish I had waited. Fuck, I wish he had used a condom.

end of utterly selfish rant, sorry if I come off sounding fully resentful of motherhood. I love my son to pieces and love everything about him and will do what I can for him. Even if he grows up to hate me for not providing him with everything he deserves, I will love him.

Your post made me well up with tears. Your baby loves you no matter the circumstances! My mom didn't have much and she inspired me to work really hard and I developed a super hard work ethic. You go mama and you shoot for the stars. You can do anything you want to. Look at all the women that are so powerful that had babies young, struggled, and then worked hard for to reach their dreams. I am proud of you. Your baby is lucky to have a mom with such life experiences and full of wisdom. I bet you are an awesome mom.

[VixenToast]

35 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Your post made me well up with tears. Your baby loves you no matter the circumstances! My mom didn't have much and she inspired me to work really hard and I developed a super hard work ethic. You go mama and you shoot for the stars. You can do anything you want to. Look at all the women that are so powerful that had babies young, struggled, and then worked hard for to reach their dreams. I am proud of you. Your baby is lucky to have a mom with such life experiences and full of wisdom. I bet you are an awesome mom.

Thank you. I just welled up with tears too. Haha, I'm clearly in a depressive cycle right now. Thank you, that means a lot.