Another Duggar Courting - Joy and Austin

[Chickenbutt]

47 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

These days, I noticed my cousin's daughters were already boy crazy and texting and stuff at something like 7 or 8 years old. So weird to me. They were already "too cool" for toys, it seemed.

My grand daughters, 12 and 10, do not have cell phones, email accounts and only one Skype contact (their slut mother). They are both relatively immature. I think that exposure to all the social media matures them way too fast. I may be crazy or old fashioned, but back when my kids were in junior high/high school, all the rage was pagers. Until they were old enough to get a job and pay for their own, they didn't have one. I was the mean mom....lol.

[twinmama]

1 hour ago, Chickenbutt said:

My grand daughters, 12 and 10, do not have cell phones, email accounts and only one Skype contact (their slut mother). They are both relatively immature. I think that exposure to all the social media matures them way too fast. I may be crazy or old fashioned, but back when my kids were in junior high/high school, all the rage was pagers. Until they were old enough to get a job and pay for their own, they didn't have one. I was the mean mom....lol.

My kids are 4, nearly 5, and I think ALL of their friends have iPads and devices. Mine don't and won't until they are so much older. They definitely watch tv, so I'm no perfect parent at all, but cripes I'm in my 30s and don't have an iPad! I don't really know why a 4 of 5 year old would need a device. Mine spend all day playing dress up or with Legos or building train tracks. I rarely find them with nothing to do. 

However, they go to a preschool that really emphasizes play and nature over teaching 4 year olds to read, so I never worry about that. My friends seem to think their kids need to read before kindergarten and the apps are teaching them letters. Perhaps their kids will be ahead of mine, but it just doesn't bother me.

[ClaraOswin]

My son (3) has a kids Kindle Fire. We hoped some of the educational apps may interest him but so far...nope. He does like that there are Little Critter books on there. He often grabs the real book and puts it side by side with the app to compare. One of our go-to things in waiting rooms (doctor's appointments, therapy, etc.) is watching videos on there. Mainly just youtube videos of Disneyland rides. 

I don't have a problem with devices...in moderation. My son spends most of his day playing with regular toys, most aren't even electronic. And he loves books. So if he spends a little time here or there watching a video or something...I think it's fine.

I definitely don't think young kids need to be on the internet....that's for sure! My son can only see the youtube videos we pull up for him.

I know a lot of people who use an ipad to help their child with autism communicate. I am really hoping we won't need to do that. Partly because I'm cheap....haha. My son's tablet didn't cost much.

[Chickenbutt]

Both of the girl got Kindles a couple of years ago, but they are limited to books only. No games. They have laptops to do their schoolwork on and the older one is taking a free art class online. The younger one has a keyboard so she looks up music. She is teaching herself to read music. But they still have to be in a common area of the house to be on the laptops. Son is a gamer, so he has several gaming systems, but the girls are limited to one hour on weekends only and they have to earn that. They chose not to get an allowance, but to earn electronic minutes. So if they do their chores, keep their grades up etc, they earn gaming time.

[DaniLouisiana]

On Joy's Texas necklace-maybe she'd like to move there with Jinger. I have Louisiana love necklace because my kids know how much I would like to move back there ( lived there as a small  child, went back for a visit with relatives, now am bugging the hubs to move).

[Nikedagain?]

3 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

My grand daughters, 12 and 10, do not have cell phones, email accounts and only one Skype contact (their slut mother). They are both relatively immature. I think that exposure to all the social media matures them way too fast. I may be crazy or old fashioned, but back when my kids were in junior high/high school, all the rage was pagers. Until they were old enough to get a job and pay for their own, they didn't have one. I was the mean mom....lol.

Ugh that you call their mother a slut. 

[Chickenbutt]

What would you call someone that cheated on her husband with his bestfriend, left the house, without her children, when she got caught? After 3 months of separation my son asked her to go to counseling to see if they could repair their marriage and 6 months into counseling she got caught cheating again, with a different guy. She was sending naked photos, doing the guy in my son's bed while he was a work. He told her to get out and she left again, taking her clothes, her mixer, her Ninja blender, but not her children. My son would never have let her take the kids, but she didn't even ask. If that is not a slut, I don't know what is.

And please be assured, I never even speak of her in any terms in front of my grand kids, let alone call her names. I am better than that.  

[missegeno]

@chickenbutt That sounds more unethical/selfish than slutty. Slut can be done ethically or unethically, but most of what you seem to refer to is unethical and selfish behavior, not sluttiness. I wouldn't throw that term at someone based on what you've shared, though lots of other terms are fitting. If you don't know what else a slut could be, there's a book called "the ethical slut" that might help to clarify the difference.

[Chickenbutt]

My take on what a slut is is someone who has sex with someone other than the man she promised to love, honor and cherish. Period. My definition may be wrong in someone else's opinion, but I am comfortable with it. Believe me, I call her all kinds of things in my head. And yes, selfish fits too. Ethical or unethical...I don't care. She was wrong.

Please know, I am not disputing your opinion. Just making mine clear.

[SamiKatz]

1 minute ago, Chickenbutt said:

My take on what a slut is is someone who has sex with someone other than the man she promised to love, honor and cherish. Period. My definition may be wrong in someone else's opinion, but I am comfortable with it. Believe me, I call her all kinds of things in my head. And yes, selfish fits too. Ethical or unethical...I don't care. She was wrong.

Please know, I am not disputing your opinion. Just making mine clear.

 

I'm sure this was a painful experience for everyone involved, but it sounds like the kids are better off with your son.  In my opinion, harbouring such anger towards her is way more harmful for you than it is for her. And I say this as someone who was not in the same situation as you and your son, but who had to let go a lot of hatred I had against someone who wronged me.

I just have such issues with calling a woman a slut.  It's such an ugly word.  And there is already too much hate in the world.

 

[Chickenbutt]

To be honest with you, I rarely think about her. I told her the very last time I spoke to her that she no longer existed in my world. My mother once told me when you love someone you have an intense feeling for them. When you hate someone you have an intense feeling for them. When you just don't give a damn is when they can no longer impact your life. I am almost there. BTW, she lives 3000 miles away, so I never have to interact with her.

An ugly word for ugly behavior.

[Iamtheway]

6 hours ago, twinmama said:

My kids are 4, nearly 5, and I think ALL of their friends have iPads and devices. Mine don't and won't until they are so much older. They definitely watch tv, so I'm no perfect parent at all, but cripes I'm in my 30s and don't have an iPad! I don't really know why a 4 of 5 year old would need a device. Mine spend all day playing dress up or with Legos or building train tracks. I rarely find them with nothing to do. 

However, they go to a preschool that really emphasizes play and nature over teaching 4 year olds to read, so I never worry about that. My friends seem to think their kids need to read before kindergarten and the apps are teaching them letters. Perhaps their kids will be ahead of mine, but it just doesn't bother me.

Don't worry about your kids getting behind. I read some research a while ago that said it doesn't matter if kids can read before they start school. After a pretty short time the kids who couldn't read when they started catch up to the ones who could. So no need to rush kids that aren't interested. 

[Gobbles]

42 minutes ago, Iamtheway said:

Don't worry about your kids getting behind. I read some research a while ago that said it doesn't matter if kids can read before they start school

I have a high IQ and couldn't read before school at all. I know several other people with high IQs who couldn't read either. 

[elliha]

We have a cheap tablet our daughter can use. It is not "hers", it is the family tablet but she is the one who uses it the most since me and my husband prefer using computers and if we want a smaller gadget we tend to use our smartphones instead. However, she has a problem with rage when she has to stop playing and now she is on a long tablet break. When we reintroduce it, it will be with a timer and very strict rules about using it without authorization from us. TV is fine and I don't have a given time she is allowed a day. 

In Sweden most daycares are called preschools and children can start when they turn one. They are all playbased but the children learn a lot of things. They talk about things like letters and numbers but the children are not obligated to learn them by any given time before they start school, it is based on individual needs. My daughter is good at speaking and vocabulary and interested in letters and numbers so they help her work on these strong skills as well as her weaker sides such as climbing and more demanding physical skills. She is in no way behind on the physical stuff, she is just on the lower side of normal for her age in this area but early in speaking, the nurse who last examined her said she is about 1,5-2 years ahead of average for language skills which is a lot. She is envious of her friend who moved to the UK and gets to go to school now while she doesn't. She also likes to play with kids that are older so she is unhappy that they have started school and she hasn't. I am glad that preschool does not mean that she has to learn certain things by a certain age here but I think my daughter would have enjoyed a more academic environment too but I see kids in her preschool group that would have suffered greatly having to sit still and learn letters and numbers at 4, many of them boys and more physically oriented people.

[alba]

My kids are 4, nearly 5, and I think ALL of their friends have iPads and devices. Mine don't and won't until they are so much older. They definitely watch tv, so I'm no perfect parent at all, but cripes I'm in my 30s and don't have an iPad! I don't really know why a 4 of 5 year old would need a device. Mine spend all day playing dress up or with Legos or building train tracks. I rarely find them with nothing to do. 
However, they go to a preschool that really emphasizes play and nature over teaching 4 year olds to read, so I never worry about that. My friends seem to think their kids need to read before kindergarten and the apps are teaching them letters. Perhaps their kids will be ahead of mine, but it just doesn't bother me.

Take it from someone who could read in preschool: being ahead of the curve in elementary school SUCKS. Seriously, I didn't enjoy school until I was 8, and that's because I went to a private school that let me skip a grade. Your kids will be fine

[Gillyweed]

4 hours ago, alba said:

 

Take it from someone who could read in preschool: being ahead of the curve in elementary school SUCKS. Seriously, I didn't enjoy school until I was 8, and that's because I went to a private school that let me skip a grade. Your kids will be fine

<img src="http://www.freejinger.org/uploads/emoticons/default_smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="http://www.freejinger.org/uploads/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20">

 

Not to mention, so many people who were ahead in elementary school (myself included) lose motivation by high school, when they actually need it. I still don't know how to study. 

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

9 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

I just have such issues with calling a woman a slut.  It's such an ugly word.  And there is already too much hate in the world.

 

I was one of those girls who went through an early, very generous puberty and was labelled a slut throughout jr high and high school despite never dating or giving anyone an actual reason to think I was sexually active.  Bra size was enough to get the rumor mill going.  Boys groping me in the hall and one attacking me at a party then telling everyone I had had sex with him, more than one teacher being inappropriate both verbally and physically, near daily use of the word from girls in my class, the boy's bathroom had a lot of stories about me written on the walls through the years, boys would slip notes into my locker detailing what they wanted to do to me and the administration went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   Everyone "knew" I was a slut, and it was just a word anyway (and when it was more than words, come on, you're a slut, you can't tell me you were really bothered, you're just trying to stir shit up).

I totally understand @Chickenbutt's feelings given her personal situation, but still have such a visceral reaction to the word, 20 years later.  Written, I cringe but can handle it.  Spoken and my reaction ranges from nausea to flashbacks and vomiting, depending on the context.  It's my issue to deal with, but it's a horrible word I wish I never had to see, hear, or stumble across ever again.  

[alba]

So sorry you had to deal with that bullshit@IntrinsicallyDisordered

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

Just now, alba said:

So sorry you had to deal with that bullshit@IntrinsicallyDisordered

Thank you, as I've gotten older I've come across so many women who had the same experience, and it both makes me madder and is somehow comforting.  Outside of my feelings about the word, I've mostly gotten over my classmates' behavior because teenagers are generally monsters and know not what they do, but still harbor resentment and anger towards the adults in the situation.  

[foreign fundie]

10 hours ago, Chickenbutt said:

What would you call someone that cheated on her husband with his bestfriend, left the house, without her children, when she got caught? After 3 months of separation my son asked her to go to counseling to see if they could repair their marriage and 6 months into counseling she got caught cheating again, with a different guy. She was sending naked photos, doing the guy in my son's bed while he was a work. He told her to get out and she left again, taking her clothes, her mixer, her Ninja blender, but not her children. My son would never have let her take the kids, but she didn't even ask. If that is not a slut, I don't know what is.

And please be assured, I never even speak of her in any terms in front of my grand kids, let alone call her names. I am better than that.  

Just want to say how sorry I am for you and your son. No mum wants to see her child and grandchildren go through that. They all deserved better. I hope you will bring much joy into eachother's lives to make up for all that heart ache.

And if anybody here with a family contemplates an affair, don't. It is not worth it. You will bring incredible hurt and your children may never respect you again. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I don't believe in keeping my children from technology. I believe in teaching them proper use of technology and moderation. Technology is a huge part of our everyday lives so I refuse to shelter my kids from it. 

[VooDooChild]

17 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Caught up on the thread. I am very interested to find out if Joy does have a "special friend." The necklace definitely makes me go "hmm....." It just doesn't seem much like a bridesmaid gift to me but who knows with these weirdos.

I hate when people think kids have to suddenly grow up at a certain age. And it seems so much younger than when I was a kid. I remember still playing with toys at age 11-12. Though I do remember thinking I was probably getting "too old" even though I still wanted to play with them.

These days, I noticed my cousin's daughters were already boy crazy and texting and stuff at something like 7 or 8 years old. So weird to me. They were already "too cool" for toys, it seemed. I know a lot of it has to do with how my cousin is raising them though.

On the flip side, my niece is going to be 12 next year and her Christmas list has a lot of Lego sets and Calico Critter sets on it.

As for having kids young...you could not have paid me to have kids in my early 20's! Especially now that I have a son....no way would I have wanted to do all of this parenting stuff a decade ago...haha! (Plus, I am pretty sure the pregnancy triggered my autoimmune disease so I am happy that didn't happen a decade sooner.) I will happily be an "older" mom.

Well, shit.  This gives me something to think about.  I never made the connection.  Hmmmm.....

[Chickenbutt]

It appears that my use of the s word has made a few of FJers uncomfortable. For that I apologize. I will always think of my ex DIL in those terms, but out of respect for FJ, I will refrain from using the word. Thanks for the kind words and support.

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

14 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

It appears that my use of the s word has made a few of FJers uncomfortable. For that I apologize. I will always think of my ex DIL in those terms, but out of respect for FJ, I will refrain from using the word. Thanks for the kind words and support.

This is incredibly kind and compassionate of you, I actually teared up - thank you 

[Chickenbutt]

You're welcome. I am just trying to be a good FJer. I am not here to hurt others or make them uncomfortable.