Another Duggar Courting - Joy and Austin

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, VixenToast said:

Daily. I do daily. I wonder where I would be right now if my mom had actually opened up about her abortion with me when I told her I was pregnant at 20. She had one maybe 5 years before me, with my dad. She had just started college and it wasn't the time for a baby. They had just started dating and he offered to take her and protect her from the protesters (this would have been around 1985 or so). And I arrived shortly after she finished college, a year and two months after they married when she was 25. I see the life they provided for my sister and I and I feel grateful. I've actually personally thanked my mom for her choice and the things they could provide for us growing up. I only found out this year.

i wish she had told me. It might have influenced me to make another choice (to the Duggars it is an ebil choice). I can't provide much for my kid except a roof and clothes and food. And while you may pat me on the back and say, "oh it's ok, you're doing your best," I want to STRESS that, no, it's not okay. It's far from ok. My child deserves better than this. He doesn't know it, he's only 5 but soon he will and I'll feel so ashamed. :/ I wish I had waited. Fuck, I wish he had used a condom.

end of utterly selfish rant, sorry if I come off sounding fully resentful of motherhood. I love my son to pieces and love everything about him and will do what I can for him. Even if he grows up to hate me for not providing him with everything he deserves, I will love him.

I know you don't feel like it, but I don't think you sound selfish or like you hate motherhood. If anything, you sound like a normal mom who loves her child very much.

My husband and I are expecting our first in January. We're in our late 20s and, on paper, we appear ready for this. But it's still scary and I still worry a great deal about whether we'll always be able to provide for her the way we want to. I think all parents think like that at times and that it's a normal feeling to have - every parent that loves their child feels guilty about something and wants the best for them.

I know you're in a tough situation and I can't understand how that feels because I'm not you. I just want you to know that I admire your determination and how much you clearly love your son. And I want you to know that it's normal to have these moments where you're upset and frustrated and feeling guilty too. 

[eveandadam]

8 hours ago, Kira said:

I was skeptical when I saw the thread title, but seeing Leah Grady's name makes it believable. She's fundie and a family friend(or friend of a friend) 

A few months ago I did say it was strange that TLC did so much time hinting about Joy possibly courting. I also said a would be susprised if a few of the kidult are getting to know someone/courting.  I still believe Josiah and Marjorie are/ will be getting back together.

At first I was not sceptical at all but I became sceptical after Leah replied to a comment on her post on youtube, which confirmed the courtship even more. She is friends with the Duggars and they could have told her to "leak" something in order to spike interest. I think she would have never replied if she was truly leaking stuff. It's too "dangerous".

But on the other hand, she is really young, so she could be just naive enough, idk.

[foreign fundie]

9 hours ago, VixenToast said:

Daily. I do daily. I wonder where I would be right now if my mom had actually opened up about her abortion with me when I told her I was pregnant at 20. She had one maybe 5 years before me, with my dad. She had just started college and it wasn't the time for a baby. They had just started dating and he offered to take her and protect her from the protesters (this would have been around 1985 or so). And I arrived shortly after she finished college, a year and two months after they married when she was 25. I see the life they provided for my sister and I and I feel grateful. I've actually personally thanked my mom for her choice and the things they could provide for us growing up. I only found out this year.

i wish she had told me. It might have influenced me to make another choice (to the Duggars it is an ebil choice). I can't provide much for my kid except a roof and clothes and food. And while you may pat me on the back and say, "oh it's ok, you're doing your best," I want to STRESS that, no, it's not okay. It's far from ok. My child deserves better than this. He doesn't know it, he's only 5 but soon he will and I'll feel so ashamed. :/ I wish I had waited. Fuck, I wish he had used a condom.

end of utterly selfish rant, sorry if I come off sounding fully resentful of motherhood. I love my son to pieces and love everything about him and will do what I can for him. Even if he grows up to hate me for not providing him with everything he deserves, I will love him.

You says your kid deserves better. What is better than being alive, safe and loved? Maybe you made some unwise choices. We all do. But keeping a child, raising it and loving it, that is brave in my book. Your kid has as good a chance of success and hapiness as any kid if he is surrounded with love and has a mum who fights for him. Keep it up.

[ladyaudley]

2 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

You says your kid deserves better. What is better than being alive, safe and loved? Maybe you made some unwise choices. We all do. But keeping a child, raising it and loving it, that is brave in my book. Your kid has as good a chance of success and hapiness as any kid if he is surrounded with love and has a mum who fights for him. Keep it up.

I'm also sure that no matter how much you can give your child, you'll always think they deserve better. Unless you're Trump and think you're the best. So your worries - while many of them are legitimate, we don't want to belittle you -  are a normal part of parenthood as well as a result of your situation. 

[season of life]

The family just wants them out, huh? I'm still waiting on a Duggar male to court.

[Lurky]

7 minutes ago, season of life said:

The family just wants them out, huh? I'm still waiting on a Duggar male to court.

TBH If I were Joy, and realising I'd be one of only 2 adult sisters, with a mob of nieces and nephews to look after, as well as the siblings, I'd be grabbing at the first way out too.... 

[HarryPotterFan]

On November 4, 2016 at 4:25 AM, Showtunesgirl said:

My much beloved teddy still goes on vacation with me (and I'm in my thirties). When I was in college and living in the dorms, whenever the fire alarm went off, he (yes he has a name but if anyone who knows me reads this it'll be too easy to figure out who I am) was the priority, before my keys and cell phone. My roommate thought it hilarious that even half asleep, I still secured him first, though she was less amused that I didn't physically drag her out of bed until I had him on my person (she slept like a log).

Stuffed animals > roommate.

22 hours ago, Fluffypaws said:

I love this discussion! I'm 25 I have a special stuffed animal that's a cat. The kitty stays on my shelf or goes on vacation with me and gets his pictures taken. Yep.  I'll put him in my purse, but have his head peeking out, but will fully bring him out to take his  picture like by a fountain or what not. My mom last year went to Cape Cod and happily volunteered to take him with her (she thinks it's cute and funny). Kitty had a nice time traveling and got lots of pictures with him at certain destinations. Since FJ is a safe place, I'll even admit to had turned this into a kinda hobby. Last year for fun, I made a Facebook page of him and his "traveling's", but wasn't able to keep the page for long because I'm too busy with school to maintain it, but it was fun.  

I went to the UK with a friend a few months ago and she ended up buying a little rubber duck that we took photos of everywhere we went. He must accompany us on future travels.

[eveandadam]

So could this be Joy's "special friend"? I copied the picture from Jinger's wedding thread.

 

 

Oh, I was just told, that he is married, sorry guys :-/

[bekkah]

On 11/3/2016 at 8:50 PM, front hugs > duggs said:

My mom had me just 15 days short of her 40th birthday! My older sister (different father) and older brother (out of wedlock) were both surprise! babies... I always lovingly tease that I was the planned one and they saved the best for last  unfortunately my mom passed away this past summer (due to cancer, but I'm feeling pretty sure that having me over 30 was not the reason for that), and strangely, while I had the least amount of time with her, I've had the toughest time of the three of us.

Anyway, my mom was always the "old" mom of all my friends, and I hated that we weren't as close as my friends and their moms due to pretty big generational differences. It always made me want to be a "young, cool mom" to quote mean girls. But now I'm almost 27 and newly married and cannot imagine having kids in the near future. I love my job and want to focus on growing with my husband and traveling together before we decide to raise children. Plus, what if my future children want all my stuffed animals? I'm not sure if my husband and I are ready to share our collection yet 

I'm not even married yet, turning 27 in 22 days and I'm lucky for the friendship I have with my mother. Your post made me realize one of my greatest fears, it's not having my mom around when I have kids. She is getting healthier but it honestly scares me.  My mom was already a mom at my age and married for a few years.  

I still have my stuffed animals in my childhood bedroom. I just ordered the new lady gaga doll and my friend asked me what I was going to do with her. I turned to her and said I will play with her. I think indulging in those things is healthy for the psyche. As a trained teacher, I know play helps you to process emotions and situations. Keep your stuffed animals guys! 

[DaniLouisiana]

Okay, I have to reply on the "young, cool mom" thing. I was that mom. I turned 22 eight weeks after my oldest son was born, turned 26 the year my daughter was born and 30 the year the youngest was born. However, when I picked up my oldest at middle school with my baby on my hip, the principal tried to send me back to class. Funny and cute now-not then! I was pissed.

[HarryPotterFan]

 

On November 7, 2016 at 6:49 PM, DaniLouisiana said:

Okay, I have to reply on the "young, cool mom" thing. I was that mom. I turned 22 eight weeks after my oldest son was born, turned 26 the year my daughter was born and 30 the year the youngest was born. However, when I picked up my oldest at middle school with my baby on my hip, the principal tried to send me back to class. Funny and cute now-not then! I was pissed.

I know someone who is a teacher at a middle school and has had other teachers get mad at her for walking the hallways during class without a hall pass. She's also had to deal with parents thinking she's not qualified to teach because she looks so young.

Reading this thread makes me wanna go back and by the President and VP Barbie set and Eye doctor Barbie (I wish they had that when I was a kid, my parents totally would have bought that for me since my dad's an ophthalmologist. Except I tried to get him to get it for me the other day, and he said she's not necessarily an ophthalmologist because she doesn't come with a scalpel or slit lamp, so perhaps she's an optometrist. Dammit, dad ). I need surgeon Barbie, stat!

I could get those dolls for my little cousins and then invite myself over to play...

[alba]

 
I know someone who is a teacher at a middle school and has had other teachers get mad at her for walking the hallways during class without a hall pass. She's also had to deal with parents thinking she's not qualified to teach because she looks so young.

My aunt had this experience too, when she was younger. She had a young face which wasn't a big issue ordinarily as she taught primary school. However, she worked at a private school that ran from age 4-18, so when she got roped into supervising a senior school dance she was asked to dance by the 16-18-year-old boys who thought she was a pupil

Then she got married and lost her job because it was the sixties and wives were meant to look after their husbands or something.

[violynn]

I've been the 'young, cool mom' (20 when I had my first, 21 with the 2nd), the 'struggling to make ends meet mom' (divorced after #2 and deadbeat dad), and the 'late-life, baby-having mom' (youngest is 12, I was 38 when I had her AND she's the youngest of 6).  Being the young mom had it's perks and drawbacks, being the struggling, poor, wanting-more-for -my-kids mom taught my daughters how important good partner choices, budgeting, having a sense of humor and bonding together all are.  Being the older mom has taught my children that having kids in your later 30's isn't a bad thing, and that this mom, at least, is still youngish at heart.  I have a very close relationship with the youngest because I've always remembered what 'kids these days' are feeling and I am open to always learning.  I'm blessed, and I think my daughters have been as well.  They've learned so much from my example of what to (not) do.

I still have 3 stuffed animals on my bed.  The latest I received last Easter from one of my DD's:  a black sheep (family joke).  

[RosyDaisy]

I think "getting to know" and special friend" were invented to convince others that they are normal, when the couple actually courting. The first time I remember hearing those terms was before Alyssa Webster began courting her husband.

[Shadoewolf]

I was a young mom. My kids still think I'm cool so it works. I'm also a big kid at heart, first one to bounce off the wall at the trampoline park! Had my oldest at 19, the middle at 24 and my youngest at 28. My teenager has black and turquoise hair and a tattoo. She does pretty much whatever she wants.  She's also a straight A student and works with autistic kids 2 days a week at school. I think the important thing is being involved without being a helicopter parent. They have to fall so they learn to get back up. It's also being open and real with them, and teaching them that what they say and do has consequences. Old or young, its the values we instill.

*steps off soapbox*

[twinmama]

While I'm happy with the way my life has gone so far, I had my twins when I was 32 and now they are nearly 5 and I'm 37 and holy shit I'm tired. Maybe it's just a mom thing, or maybe it's just a 37 year old thing, but I'd imagine being 27 instead of 37 while dealing with two active 5 year olds who get up at 445am (at least this post-time change shit week) would be a bit easier on me!

But then I think of me at 27 and I was definitely not ready to parent then. And this is one of many reasons I think it is SO important to be able to CHOOSE when to become a parent.

[DaniLouisiana]

My oldest now has fun with his "young, cool mom" especially when we go to get pizza and beer and I still get carded. He laughs, whips out his i.d. and says "that's my mom, by the way". He's in his 30s now 

[ClaraOswin]

I am too lazy to read 9 pages. So does Joy have a special friend or what?

[Casserole]

47 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

I am too lazy to read 9 pages. So does Joy have a special friend or what?

Speculated by random youtube comment that may or may not have been a family friend. Can't find pictures of the so called wedding they attended together. No confirmation, and no spottings at the JinJer wedding so jury is still out. 

 

 

Side note - did we look closely at Jinger's bridesmaids and determine if that necklace was a BM gift? Usually jewelry BM gifts are meant to be worn at the wedding and I didn't notice it on anyone else. I do think that texas heart necklace could be for a boy. My sister lives in another state and I don't walk around wearing a California cut-out with a heart in it for her. 

[Kira]

The youtube comment was by Leah Grady, her family is FJ famous. They use to have a public blog. The Gradys and Duggars are friends with the Wissmanns. Ruth Wissmann got married in July.  There was also some speculation about Joy texting and wearing University of Oregon jerseys.

[ClaraOswin]

Nevermind. I am going back to read more of the thread since my son is actually napping. Woo!

[VooDooChild]

17 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

Nevermind. I am going back to read more of the thread since my son is actually napping. Woo!

Woo Hoo!  Hooray for napping kiddos!

I hope she doesn't have a special someone.  The thought makes me sad.  That girl needs to find herself and her own interests.  These girls never have time to develop their own identity.

[ClaraOswin]

Caught up on the thread. I am very interested to find out if Joy does have a "special friend." The necklace definitely makes me go "hmm....." It just doesn't seem much like a bridesmaid gift to me but who knows with these weirdos.

I hate when people think kids have to suddenly grow up at a certain age. And it seems so much younger than when I was a kid. I remember still playing with toys at age 11-12. Though I do remember thinking I was probably getting "too old" even though I still wanted to play with them.

These days, I noticed my cousin's daughters were already boy crazy and texting and stuff at something like 7 or 8 years old. So weird to me. They were already "too cool" for toys, it seemed. I know a lot of it has to do with how my cousin is raising them though.

On the flip side, my niece is going to be 12 next year and her Christmas list has a lot of Lego sets and Calico Critter sets on it.

As for having kids young...you could not have paid me to have kids in my early 20's! Especially now that I have a son....no way would I have wanted to do all of this parenting stuff a decade ago...haha! (Plus, I am pretty sure the pregnancy triggered my autoimmune disease so I am happy that didn't happen a decade sooner.) I will happily be an "older" mom.

[Fun Undies]

In regards to the necklace . . . I'm kind of wondering if it was just some random jewelry lying around the girl's bedroom, that Joy swiped from Jinger's bedside.  I mean, the girls/women supposedly shared clothes, so why not jewelry, too?  It might have just been her way of supporting her big sister during the wedding planning (didn't she go with Jinger to the hotel/wedding venue stuff??).  Or maybe it's just as basic as her thinking it looked nice, and went with her outfit that day.

Not saying it couldn't mean something, but maybe it doesn't mean anything??

As for "young vs. old" parents - I'm 31 (just a couple of days ago actually).  I have a just turned four year old (also, a couple of days ago), and a 2.5 year old.  I belong to a local MOMS group chapter, and I feel like the average age of women with kids my age, are either older than me (4 to 5 years), or younger than me (like 3 to 4 years).  I don't know if there's a regional/religious/social-economic reason behind this, but I've just noticed it recently during a playdate.  I'm like smack dack in the middle.  Different strokes for different folks - my pros, might be someone else's cons.  And vice versa.  Had it been solely up to me, I would have had kids right after I got married (I was 23).  But I feel good/comfortable with where we're at age wise with the kiddos

[HomeschooledHeartThrob]

On 11/5/2016 at 2:49 PM, season of life said:

The family just wants them out, huh? I'm still waiting on a Duggar male to court.

Ooh but you forget...Jimbob can make the males do real estate repairs, construction work, all kinds of things exist that he can farm them out to do and HE can collect the paycheck for it! He probably gets a cut of Joshmallow's car dealership as well. Jbob's girls are just breeders because women must always be chaperoned/cared for and since Jana does all the cooking really what's the rest of them good for? TV RAIIITTIIINNNNGGGSSSS!!!!! And their wedding episodes draw the biggest ratings. If they marry 1 girl a year for the next 5 that's 5 more years of a few million dollars for Jbobbie.