Another Duggar Courting - Joy and Austin

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

32 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

I don't think they'd find it weird.  Michelle got married at 17. Joy is right on time if this is real. 

And not to make too fine a point on this, but what is up with the boys? Not one of those boys can find a girl friend?  (Other than Smugger...) They have to marry off 19 year old Joy for ratings?  How about forcing John-David down the aisle? 

I'm guessing many families are turned off by the Duggar males with how much of a controlling  asshole Boob is and what a creep Josh turned into, their may be slim pickings for the Duggar men.  Or maybe they are just smart enough to realize they have NO WAY to support a wife and a dozen and a 1/2 kids, and are waiting. 

[Jessie E]

On 10/28/2016 at 1:32 PM, anaandrade said:

Since Jessa got married the youngest of the girls at just a couple days shy of 22, I can see this happening.

 

Josh was 20 and 6 months

Jill was 23 and 1 month

Jessa was 21 and 12 months, 3 days before turning 22

Jinger will be 22 and 10 months

I cannot imagine getting married that young.  I know for some people it works out fine but I could never see it for myself.  I will be 30 years old and 2 months away from my 31st birthday on my wedding day.  I am sure the Duggars would find that totally unacceptable! lol

[Suz8710]

With any luck that will be Jana and/or JD's ages as well. Worst case they'll at least be 27. Happy for those two to buck the trend - though we don't know if it's completely willingly or not. I suspect it is at least partially their doing.

[SassyPants]

5 minutes ago, Suz8710 said:

With any luck that will be Jana and/or JD's ages as well. Worst case they'll at least be 27. Happy for those two to buck the trend - though we don't know if it's completely willingly or not. I suspect it is at least partially their doing.

I think it's totally their doing. Look at their married sibs and the lives that they live- all of them as tied to "daddy" and "daddy's rules" as JD and Jana. So they can have sex- sex does take up too much time in most people's daily lives. Then what...listening to  Ben or Anna yammer on. Nobody needs that.

[HereticHick]

Somehow I had totally missed the fact that Alert Academy in Big Sandy now has a month-long course for young ladies: http://www.alertacademy.com/step/about/

I'd like to see Joy do this.

The young ladies are even REQUIRED to wear pants during part of the course:

11. Will my daughter be required to wear pants (or skirts…) during the entire four-week program?
Skirts are required to encourage the girls to remain feminine in an active lifestyle. Pants are required for certain activities (such as rappelling) for safety or practicality reasons. Your daughter will be given direction as what to wear and when the appropriate times will be.

[QuiverDance]

47 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Somehow I had totally missed the fact that Alert Academy in Big Sandy now has a month-long course for young ladies: http://www.alertacademy.com/step/about/

I'd like to see Joy do this.

The young ladies are even REQUIRED to wear pants during part of the course:

11. Will my daughter be required to wear pants (or skirts…) during the entire four-week program?
Skirts are required to encourage the girls to remain feminine in an active lifestyle. Pants are required for certain activities (such as rappelling) for safety or practicality reasons. Your daughter will be given direction as what to wear and when the appropriate times will be.

 

Gaggggggggg.  The wording of that mkes me physically sick.

[silverspoons]

That girls Alert  program is for 15 and up because:

Can my 14-year-old daughter come this year?
No. The age limit is set at 15 years of age because of the maturity that is needed for the instruction given. A girl’s 14th year is usually when they are willing to put away childish behavior and begin acting more mature.

 

 

My daughter is going to be 14. I just got back from parent teacher conferences and every teacher said basically the same thing, that she the perfect student , all classes over 100%, never missed a day of school in her life, kind and helpful and very mature and respectful. Yet as we returned home she made her stuffed animals all have blue and red pom poms to cheer for the cubs.

I dislike so much when certain religions preach usually when a girl hits puberty , the toys go away and it is time to start grooming for womanhood. I first saw it happen years ago when a neighbor had her daughter give my daughter her toys about 3 months after Christmas. I was like why are you giving all your toys away? Poor girl had just got her period and her mom got her makeup and new clothes and the toys had to leave. Now my daughter is struggling watching her BFF that moved out of state having to do the same thing. Is there something wrong with having a stuffed animal at age 14? I would much rather my daughter still have a few of her old webkinz than being into partying or dating. I'm glad she can be mature as a student but still have a fun little less mature side once on days like today.

I guess this makes some ebay seller or toys companies rich when adults go looking for the toys they had to give up 20 years later.  

 

[Coconut Flan]

My neighbor was like that and I told her she was nuts.  Let them stay children as long as they want.  She thought I was the crazy one until she thought about it that there really was no reason to push kids into make up and dating.  Let them wait. 

[silverspoons]

14 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

My neighbor was like that and I told her she was nuts.  Let them stay children as long as they want.  She thought I was the crazy one until she thought about it that there really was no reason to push kids into make up and dating.  Let them wait. 

Where I live marriage is expected before 20. So about 13-14 when puberty is starting, the toys go and the sports or cheer classes start. Got to be in good shape to find a man. The 14-16 is getting in shape and looking good. 16 starts group dating and 18 find your husband dating.

In the past there was a girl who went to an ivy league school out of state to become an engineer. I was cheering for her. My neighbors all talk about how she wasted her life on school and was wasting her baby making years. UGH!

 

[Kittikatz]

This kind of thinking just drives me crazy.

I got my period when I was 10. By the time I was 11, all my toys had disappeared because, in the words of my mother "you aren't interested in them anymore". My birthday present that year was makeup, and I was forbidden from leaving the house or opening the door to visitors "without my face on" and without "lady-like" clothing on. My grandmother started to harass me about my weight, and by the time I was 14, I had a bangin' bod, horrific anxiety attacks, and was fighting an eating disorder. The only thing my family noticed was the fact that I'd lost my baby fat and the breast fairy had really delivered. It was made very clear to me that I was expected to marry, and well, and that my teen years were to be spent learning to look and act the part so I wouldn't be left "on the shelf".

In a way, it was my salvation that my father started another family, and my mother plunged back into a very deep depression. As long as I appeared to follow all the stupid gender based rules, looked 'pretty' in front of the community, and kept the house clean and food on the table, I was pretty much left to my own devices, so I managed to create a fragment of a normal life for myself, but not everyone can carve that off. Children should be allowed to mature at whatever their natural rate is. There's just so much time to be an adult, and not nearly enough to just be a kid. 

I'm betting all the Duggar girls went through some variation of the scheduled grow-up plan, and I'm just unspeakably sad for them, and anyone else who gets to live through this kind of garbage. 

[foreign fundie]

Wow, it never occured to me that girls in the US can be put on a grow up schedule. In my experience it was usually the other way around. 11 yos who 'borrow' their mums make up and want to dress like college girls. And mums desperately trying to keep them small.

I am kind of trying that, lol. My little girl hit puberty, looks like a lady, but I keep wanting to buy her cute floral dresses. Fortunately she still wrestles her younger siblings and sleeps with a teddy bear. And she loves the ball pool. I do too, but since even my youngest can go independently, I no longer have an excuse to go. Maybe it is time for another blessing.

Anyway, I have thankfully never heard of a girl that had to give her toys away because her mum thought she should become a lady. I hope it is a dying tradition. Poor girls.

[nastyhobbitses]

7 hours ago, silverspoons said:

Where I live marriage is expected before 20. So about 13-14 when puberty is starting, the toys go and the sports or cheer classes start. Got to be in good shape to find a man. The 14-16 is getting in shape and looking good. 16 starts group dating and 18 find your husband dating.

In the past there was a girl who went to an ivy league school out of state to become an engineer. I was cheering for her. My neighbors all talk about how she wasted her life on school and was wasting her baby making years. UGH!

 

Maybe they say that because they feel like they wasted their lives.

Also, I feel so grateful that the way I was raised and the culture of where I was raised has made it hard for me to fathom that some people think like that. There are downsides to my upbringing, though. In my hometown, the neighbors would probably talk shit about how she went to Brown, since after all, we can't all go to Haaahvaaaahd. Girls who had babies before 25 were either married to rich men (and getting married before 25 was only if you were religious, knocked up, or getting your SO/yourself a visa), very religious, irresponsible, or didn't care enough about their careers. If you weren't in grad/med/law/nursing school, doing something artsy, working for a startup/finance firm, or similarly ambitious, you got funny looks at your high school reunion. At fourteen, you weren't necessarily expected to wear makeup and get a man, but you were expected to have your list of colleges mostly set and have as many extracurriculars as possible, plus Ivy League/Little Ivies/MIT-worthy grades.

[Lurky]

If anyone wants to see what's on the course, but doesn't want to give them the hits, here's what the course is:
 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

[Zola]

I got my first job at 16 (omg, movie theatre, concession stand, best job EVER) and used my first paycheck to buy a doll I'd had my eye on from Toys R Us. $30. Later gave that doll to the girl I babysat as a real job (10 hrs a day, 5 days a WK) at age 25.

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

Wow, it never occured to me that girls in the US can be put on a grow up schedule. In my experience it was usually the other way around. 11 yos who 'borrow' their mums make up and want to dress like college girls. And mums desperately trying to keep them small.

I am kind of trying that, lol. My little girl hit puberty, looks like a lady, but I keep wanting to buy her cute floral dresses. Fortunately she still wrestles her younger siblings and sleeps with a teddy bear. And she loves the ball pool. I do too, but since even my youngest can go independently, I no longer have an excuse to go. Maybe it is time for another blessing.

Anyway, I have thankfully never heard of a girl that had to give her toys away because her mum thought she should become a lady. I hope it is a dying tradition. Poor girls.

I've never heard of this either. I was born in the late 80s and grew up in New England though, so maybe that has to do with it? Maybe other regions or there's a difference in time period? I hope? I hate to think tons of people still think like this.

When we raise our daughter (and any other children we're lucky enough to have) we intend to let her be a kid. My parents did that with me and my siblings and my In-Laws did that with their boys too. I'm sure she's going to grow up a bit quicker than we're ready for - and that's ok too. As long as she's healthy, happy, and safe that's all that matters to me.

2 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Maybe they say that because they feel like they wasted their lives.

Also, I feel so grateful that the way I was raised and the culture of where I was raised has made it hard for me to fathom that some people think like that. There are downsides to my upbringing, though. In my hometown, the neighbors would probably talk shit about how she went to Brown, since after all, we can't all go to Haaahvaaaahd. Girls who had babies before 25 were either married to rich men (and getting married before 25 was only if you were religious, knocked up, or getting your SO/yourself a visa), very religious, irresponsible, or didn't care enough about their careers. If you weren't in grad/med/law/nursing school, doing something artsy, working for a startup/finance firm, or similarly ambitious, you got funny looks at your high school reunion. At fourteen, you weren't necessarily expected to wear makeup and get a man, but you were expected to have your list of colleges mostly set and have as many extracurriculars as possible, plus Ivy League/Little Ivies/MIT-worthy grades.

I could be completely and totally wrong here. But I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're in New England? Cause I grew up in Connecticut and this sounds relatively accurate for a lot of families here. 

[HereticHick]

Even though that STEP program for "young ladies" at Big Sandy is pretty disgusting, I'd rather see Joy-Joy spend some time as a counselor there instead of hanging around the Duggar compound, changing diapers, taking online bogus bible classes, and texting her future husband.

[eveandadam]

10 hours ago, Kittikatz said:

This kind of thinking just drives me crazy.

I got my period when I was 10. By the time I was 11, all my toys had disappeared because, in the words of my mother "you aren't interested in them anymore". My birthday present that year was makeup, and I was forbidden from leaving the house or opening the door to visitors "without my face on" and without "lady-like" clothing on. My grandmother started to harass me about my weight, and by the time I was 14, I had a bangin' bod, horrific anxiety attacks, and was fighting an eating disorder. The only thing my family noticed was the fact that I'd lost my baby fat and the breast fairy had really delivered. It was made very clear to me that I was expected to marry, and well, and that my teen years were to be spent learning to look and act the part so I wouldn't be left "on the shelf".

In a way, it was my salvation that my father started another family, and my mother plunged back into a very deep depression. As long as I appeared to follow all the stupid gender based rules, looked 'pretty' in front of the community, and kept the house clean and food on the table, I was pretty much left to my own devices, so I managed to create a fragment of a normal life for myself, but not everyone can carve that off. Children should be allowed to mature at whatever their natural rate is. There's just so much time to be an adult, and not nearly enough to just be a kid. 

I'm betting all the Duggar girls went through some variation of the scheduled grow-up plan, and I'm just unspeakably sad for them, and anyone else who gets to live through this kind of garbage. 

I'm really sorry this happened to you like that. In my family it happened in a similar way but not directly to myself. My uncle started to put pressure on my cousin when she was about 11 years old. She put away all her toys and it got replaced by a new room which hat a huge mirror, a larger bed and training equipment to practice her dancing and to keep in shape. When she hit puberty she tended to gain weight and was just not the skinny skinny type, just normal. He put so much pressure on her to stay slim while at the same time pretending to be all generous by not letting her become anorexic. She moved out at 16 when she couldn't take it anymore. But the pressure didn't stop. When she hit 20/21 he started to pressure her into having babies because she was already past her prime baby making years. This time again he pretended to be generous and modern bynot insisting that she has to be married for having children. She finally gave in and had a child at 25, not married, in the middle of her degree program and with no money. He says that women who don't have chldren or have children past 30 will get cancer  and die soon. all my family believes him, except me. My mother, too, once told me that women shouldn't have children when they are older than 30. I was 31 at the time she told me and it was directly after I told her I want two children.

And btw: This is in Germany, yes. :-(

[front hugs > duggs]

I think I had to "adult" too fast due to immature parents when I was 12-16 , and now I act like a giant kid to compensate for those lost years. I'm in my mid to late twenties, and still snuggle a teddy when I'm having a rough day. And I don't care what society has to say about it !

[Bad Wolf]

That's what Teddy bears are for. I have several.

[BlessaYourHeart]

12 hours ago, silverspoons said:

That girls Alert  program is for 15 and up because:

Can my 14-year-old daughter come this year?
No. The age limit is set at 15 years of age because of the maturity that is needed for the instruction given. A girl’s 14th year is usually when they are willing to put away childish behavior and begin acting more mature.

 

 

My daughter is going to be 14. I just got back from parent teacher conferences and every teacher said basically the same thing, that she the perfect student , all classes over 100%, never missed a day of school in her life, kind and helpful and very mature and respectful. Yet as we returned home she made her stuffed animals all have blue and red pom poms to cheer for the cubs.

I dislike so much when certain religions preach usually when a girl hits puberty , the toys go away and it is time to start grooming for womanhood. I first saw it happen years ago when a neighbor had her daughter give my daughter her toys about 3 months after Christmas. I was like why are you giving all your toys away? Poor girl had just got her period and her mom got her makeup and new clothes and the toys had to leave. Now my daughter is struggling watching her BFF that moved out of state having to do the same thing. Is there something wrong with having a stuffed animal at age 14? I would much rather my daughter still have a few of her old webkinz than being into partying or dating. I'm glad she can be mature as a student but still have a fun little less mature side once on days like today.

I guess this makes some ebay seller or toys companies rich when adults go looking for the toys they had to give up 20 years later.  

 

Your daughter sounds like me when I was 14! 

Im 21 now and I still sleep with the same teddy that was given to me when I was 2 months old as a baptismal gift. 

I also still have tons of stuffed animals and my boyfriend has bought me 3 in the last year. I love them and probably won't ever give them away 

I stopped playing with toys mostly around 13 but that was simply because I was old enough to take on some responsibility tending to horses on my own. Since we had 4 horses and 6 ponies I was kept pretty occupied combined with school and dance. I didn't wear a proper bra until I was 14 because I refused to lol. Only reason I started wearing one was because my mum forced me too because I was quite developed and she didn't want it to cause problems or an injury when horse riding lol. 

I still love playing with toys with my cousins children and my boyfriends nephew though! I guess I never quite grew up completely 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Thankfully I was never pressured to grow up and do women things as a teen. But I hated the focus adults had on boyfriends and girlfriends. Random adults in my life would ask me if I had a boyfriend starting in elementary school. I know they thought it was cute but I think it's ridiculous. Kids don't need that pressure. And some teens don't want to date or they are outcasts that no one would ever date. So it's shitty gen adults put so much focus on boyfriends and girlfriends. 

[Gillyweed]

My parents didn't pressure me into growing up, but my brothers did. They made fun of me for watching Nickolodeon in 5th grade. 

My best friend and I still played with barbies up until we were about 14, but we didn't dare mention it outside my house. We felt like people would laugh at us for still playing with dolls. 

[EmainMacha]

I notice on the STEP course information that @Lurky shared one of the recommendations is from a former participant called Priscilla Chapman from Texas. Anything to the infamous Matthew and Maranantha Chapman I wonder?

 

[Lurky]

@EmainMacha I wondered the same thing, and thought it would be great if it was, given the Chapman's married off their daughter Lauren at 16, to a 26 year old man who first was attracted to her when she was 15, but had to "wait" until her 16th birthday to marry her (so like her parents, and just so wrong)   (For anyone wondering who the Chapmans are)

(I believe Lauren had kids while she was still a teen, which might account for their daughter being called Living Hope)

I was looking for the names of the Chapman kids, to see what happened to the rest, and if Priscilla is one of them - but I had to stop, because I kept coming across awful things Maranatha wrote about her children, like this:

http://womenofchristianity.com/are-you-raising-a-pharisee-by-maranatha-chapman/

For a palate-cleanser, I did find this incredible crowd-funder, that I think is 'our' Maranatha Chapman and her daughter Lauren - ministering through dance in Tyler and Dallas.  I have a weakness for interpretive dance, thanks to exposure to early Kate Bush at an impressionable age, and a weakness for bizarre missionary grifting, so this is amusing me greatly

 

[Cat Damon]

17 hours ago, silverspoons said:

Is there something wrong with having a stuffed animal at age 14? I would much rather my daughter still have a few of her old webkinz than being into partying or dating. I'm glad she can be mature as a student but still have a fun little less mature side once on days like today.  

 

If it makes you feel any better, I am 28 and I still have the rabbit that I slept with for years- I don't sleep with her in my bed anymore but she does have a special place on my dresser. She came to college with me and I took her on vacations with me a few times in college. I consider myself to be pretty well-adjusted and mature. My parents never suggested that I get rid of her, they let me wait until I was comfortable. I have a cousin who was forced to give up his animal and he is still sad about it over ten years later.