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Anna & the M Kids – Part 7


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Dearest FormerGothardite, I once crowned Buzzard a Patron Saint of FJ because of her selfless willingness to sacrifice both time and sanity to recap the Duggars.  Now, I do the same for you

It's seven years today since my darling dad died in my arms. For all of you who haven't experienced a close bereavement and are dreading it, let me say this: Grit your teeth and get through the i

That's a terribly irresponsible thing to allege.  I'm no smuggar fan, but to throw that out there based on nothing is not okay.   Not every woman who is being physically abused has bruises and no

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ShadowCat
On 6/8/2016 at 8:51 PM, EmainMacha said:

In my part of Ireland we wake people at home. Traditionally the person is at home for two nights and then buried on the third day. As a child I went to quite a few wakes and viewed bodies but rarely went to funerals as they weren't considered appropriate for children. Think I went to my first funeral around age 10. Still not sure why one was okay and the other wasn't.

I love a good wake, it's so much more ... cheerful is the wrong word here, but it's much less sombre than your average run of the mill funeral. My FIL died a couple of years ago and he was waked in style. There was a trad music session going on in one part of the house, enough food to feed a small third world country in the kitchen, stories being told that some of us hadn't heard of yet, lots of laughter, more than a few tears, and a general feeling feeling of "Jaysus, he'd have loved this" The man himself was in a nice quiet room leading out to the garden, where anyone could go and "chat" to him at anytime. All in all it was a lovely, relaxed and very healing atmosphere

Like your situation too, the wake was the where the children were and the adults attended the cremation. 

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19 cats and counting

I was born in 1980 and haven't attended many funerals. I know that will change.

The first I remember attending was my stepgrandfather when I was 8-9.  I don't remember the funeral itself, but I remember spilling Sprite on the train there and my mom yelling at me for it.  My great grandmother died a few years before and my dad attended alone.

Second one was much sadder and unexpected (and gave me my first exposure to Jehovah's Witnesses).  It was a friend's mother who died the first weekend of school (we had just started HS).  I honestly had no idea she'd been ill (a blood transfusion could have saved her).  

In general I think funerals are sad, but sadder if the death wasn't expected.  My last 4 relatives that passed, it was all expected (as in older and/or battling health problems).  Immediately after my stepgrandmother's funeral, the family went to meet my cousin (then 1 week old).  On the drive there, I couldn't help sing 'Circle of Life' to myself as we said goodbye and then hello.  There's something soothing about holding a baby immediately after a funeral.

ETA my family does not do wakes.  Only wakes I've been to were friends/co-workers/classmates or their relatives.

Edited by 19 cats and counting
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Jana814
15 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

 

Second one was much sadder and unexpected (and gave me my first exposure to Jehovah's Witnesses).  It was a friend's mother who died the first weekend of school (we had just started HS).  I honestly had no idea she'd been ill (a blood transfusion could have saved her).  

 

Hate to change the subject but that really sad that a blood transfusion could have helped yet the person didn't get one & died.  

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19 cats and counting

@Jana814 for some reason anti blood transfusion is a core part of the JW religion (I don't understand why).  My friend and her father blamed the religion for her death and became very anti JW crusaders.

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Jana814
37 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

@Jana814 for some reason anti blood transfusion is a core part of the JW religion (I don't understand why).  My friend and her father blamed the religion for her death and became very anti JW crusaders.

I know that JW are anti blood transfusions. So glad your friend & her father became anti JW. I have an ex friend who became one I just don't get it. 

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Fundie Bunny

My uncle's brother, the most asshole and selfish person i know, is a JW. He has a disease that requires blood transfusions. When he was diagnosed, everything went through the window and has gotten a few transfusions. But when his daughter was diagnosed the same illness, well, let's say that you're going to hell is the nicest thing he said.

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On 6/3/2016 at 7:25 PM, twinmama said:

If we are talking about odd crying moments, I'll tell you I will never hear the end of this one... I am a huge cry baby, but I didn't cry at all during our wedding ceremony. My husband on the other hand was practically sobbing from the second he stepped out the door to walk to the altar. Then, on our honeymoon we watched the horrible remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still, which starred Keanu Reeves and THAT made me cry!!! So yeah, didn't cry during my wedding, died during a terrible remake of a movie that was completely not a tearjerker.

Kindred spirit here.

I rarely show emotion (tears etc.) during sentimental moments.  I have strongly felt emotions, but contain them for some reason.  That said...

An animal welfare commercial comes on TV, I'm flipping the channel quick, it just breaks my heart to watch, and the flood gates open. 

Songs like Stairway to Heaven type, certain Nirvana, Sarah Mclachlan, tears tears tears

Don't even get me started on news segments concerning world events...I keep the tissue handy. 

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MakeItSo
On 6/13/2016 at 11:24 AM, Fundie Bunny said:

My uncle's brother, the most asshole and selfish person i know, is a JW. He has a disease that requires blood transfusions. When he was diagnosed, everything went through the window and has gotten a few transfusions. But when his daughter was diagnosed the same illness, well, let's say that you're going to hell is the nicest thing he said.

I keep hearing of children dying of ketoacidosis (Type 1 diabetes complication) because their religious parents like to pray for healing instead of just giving the kid insulin. There was another such case in the news in Canada again recently. It breaks my heart and pisses me off because a) it's completely avoidable. b ) my insulin pump has saved my life and allows me to live like I would without Type 1 and c) high blood sugars can feel like death..so to let your kid suffer this much is ridiculously horrible. I have no words.  

Edited by MakeItSo
it turned a b ) into an emoji ...wtf? lol
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Jana814

I have a dog client who's daughter has type 1 diabetes. She got a pump as soon as she was diagnosed & has had no complications   from it. In fact when she first got sick they thought it was leukemia. So when she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes they were deleaved because it was controllable. 

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fraurosena

I just don't get it.. why aren't these parents prosecuted for manslaughter of their child? Because that is what this is. Denying your child the medication he/she needs to stay alive boils down to manslaughter in my book!  Grr, religion is NOT an excuse for abuse. As a mother of a son with Type 1 diabetes, this makes me so mad! :angry-cussing:

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HerNameIsBuffy
On 6/13/2016 at 4:30 AM, IrishCarrie said:

It's seven years today since my darling dad died in my arms. For all of you who haven't experienced a close bereavement and are dreading it, let me say this:

Grit your teeth and get through the initial awfulness. Funerals are their own horrific kind of ordeal but it's only a few days and it'll pass. 

When the quiet descends and you realise the full extent of your loss, let that feeling settle. It's a fact, it's reality. By all means distract yourself with friends and adventures where possible but don't run from the fact that nothing will ever be the same again. It won't be.

Don't believe anyone who says that after the first year you'll be over the worst of it. Different levels of grief hit you at different times for years to come and there is no "better" or "worse". There's only today and what you're carrying today.

Here's the nice bit, the thing that no one told me, although I probably wouldn't have understood it even if they had! The love lives on. My dad has stayed with me and I've carried him everything I've been and gone in the last seven years. I feel as loved by him today as I did when I could look up and see him watching me with that daddy-pride look on his face..."That's my baby, she's amazing, look what I made!". My whole life, he looked at me like I was precious and beautiful and adored and I can still feel him doing it now.

Today is a bad day and I'm sure there'll be more in the future. But the grief I feel is the price I pay for having had a father like him, and it's totally worth it.

I'm not snipping a word of this and I'm not even embarrassed that I teared up when reading it.  

It's been over 20 years since I lost both of my parents within a 4 month span and I co-sign every single word you wrote.

To the bolded I hope all the parents out there understand...this is what matters.  We will ALL make mistakes in raising our kids...with the purest intentions we will mess something up but at the end of it all...this is what gets carried for the rest of their lives.

I could write chapter and verse on things I wish they'd done differently but I don't carry their mistakes.  I carry their love and their protection and their pride.  You want to give your kids a gift that's the one...unconditional love and the certainty that they were adored for who they are and you're giving them a foundation of emotional security it's damn near impossible to shake.  

That way you're still protecting them long after you're gone.

I wish i could upvote this 1000x.

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MakeItSo
2 hours ago, fraurosena said:

I just don't get it.. why aren't these parents prosecuted for manslaughter of their child? Because that is what this is. Denying your child the medication he/she needs to stay alive boils down to manslaughter in my book!  Grr, religion is NOT an excuse for abuse. As a mother of a son with Type 1 diabetes, this makes me so mad! :angry-cussing:

* virtual high five to the little 'betes buddy * and same here, I don't see this as anything but a crime...and a horrible one at that. If they want to bring religion into it, fine. God gave us brains to understand the world around us. This includes illnesses/conditions/syndromes etc. Not to accept medical knowledge/advances and just trust God and do the prayer healing thing is so middle-ages-ignorant, I cannot wrap my mind around it.

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Kayleigh83
On June 13, 2016 at 2:30 AM, IrishCarrie said:

It's seven years today since my darling dad died in my arms. For all of you who haven't experienced a close bereavement and are dreading it, let me say this:

Grit your teeth and get through the initial awfulness. Funerals are their own horrific kind of ordeal but it's only a few days and it'll pass. 

When the quiet descends and you realise the full extent of your loss, let that feeling settle. It's a fact, it's reality. By all means distract yourself with friends and adventures where possible but don't run from the fact that nothing will ever be the same again. It won't be.

Don't believe anyone who says that after the first year you'll be over the worst of it. Different levels of grief hit you at different times for years to come and there is no "better" or "worse". There's only today and what you're carrying today.

Here's the nice bit, the thing that no one told me, although I probably wouldn't have understood it even if they had! The love lives on. My dad has stayed with me and I've carried him everything I've been and gone in the last seven years. I feel as loved by him today as I did when I could look up and see him watching me with that daddy-pride look on his face..."That's my baby, she's amazing, look what I made!". My whole life, he looked at me like I was precious and beautiful and adored and I can still feel him doing it now.

Today is a bad day and I'm sure there'll be more in the future. But the grief I feel is the price I pay for having had a father like him, and it's totally worth it.

I also teared up reading this... There isn't much I can say to this except I'm sending you some loving vibes through the universe. It's such a sad thing that you lost him, but it sounds like you have such beautiful memories of him.

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Elvis Presby

@IrishCarrie That was the sweetest thing I have read in a while.  

My dad died unexpectedly and alone 5 years ago.  We didn't find his body until at least 24 hours later, so we will never know exactly when he died.  It is something that I will never get over, not knowing the details.  Yesterday, I turned 45.  Every day is different, but my own birthdays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death (when we found him) still to this day leave me feeling the same raw grief as when it first happened.  Anyway, I just wanted to concur with what you said about never getting over it, and not getting better or worse.  Your life is just different and the rest of your life is living with the "different" and making it your new normal.

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Bad Wolf

Aargh! Can't they come up with anything but what a joy each child is on their birthday? I guess Michael is too young to have a servant's heart.

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nastyhobbitses
37 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Aargh! Can't they come up with anything but what a joy each child is on their birthday? I guess Michael is too young to have a servant's heart.

Plus, he's a boy and Josh's favorite. He doesn't need to have a servant's heart if Mackynzie's got one. Meredith better enjoy her infancy and relative immobility while she can; she'll be an M-Slave soon enough.

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MakeItSo
39 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

Aargh! Can't they come up with anything but what a joy each child is on their birthday? I guess Michael is too young to have a servant's heart.

I think it's sad because during the rest of the year with so many siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles nobody really pays as much attention to each kid as they should anyway. You'd think at least on their birthdays they'd make each kid feel like an individual and not just part of the collective. 

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Henri205
18 minutes ago, MakeItSo said:

I think it's sad because during the rest of the year with so many siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles nobody really pays as much attention to each kid as they should anyway. You'd think at least on their birthdays they'd make each kid feel like an individual and not just part of the collective. 

Your post made me laugh out loud because I suddenly pictured the Duggars as part of the Borg.  Thanks!  Made my day. 

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SilverBeach

My dad died without warning on October 29, 1993. I was devastated. My two brothers died fifteen years ago, and it was almost more than I could stand. These holes in my heart remain open, although life does go on. Hard, raw pain is replaced by softer, yet still raw pain. My world was forever rocked by these losses. I will miss them until I am gone too.

However, my sister and 90 year old mama are going strong. My nephews have wonderful families and are good men. It hurts that my baby brother didn't get to see any of his grandchildren, he was so family oriented. The family dynamic has changed but we bravely push forward. 

All you can do is live through this part of life, grieve in whatever way helps constructively get you through the night, for however long it takes you. Get counseling if you need it. Treat yourself with the utmost kindness and gentleness. Accept the love and support of others. You will survive. And be an encouragement to others.

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hapamama
On 6/9/2016 at 5:05 PM, CorruptionInc. said:

I am honestly relieved to find out that we are not the only family who goes out to eat afterwards! 

This is a very common thing among Japanese-Americans.

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Elvis Presby

Michael's birthday is the day after mine.  This means he is a Gemini, the cream of the crop!  He is probably talkative, intelligent, entertaining, witty, and a conflict avoider.  Unfortunately for him, he will probably be forced to fit into a one size fits all role in life because he is a boy.  He will be expected to marry a pure girl, father lots of children, and raise them all up to either be like him or his wife based solely on what is between his children's legs.  He won't be told, during these formative years of his life, that he should enjoy his own life and carefully consider his choices before he makes them.  

Josh may be the biggest douche ever, but he does seem to have not swallowed the lifestyle hook, line, and sinker.  Anna has had the blinders removed from her eyes.  Maybe, just maybe, he will be encouraged to live a life that doesn't conflict his own inner moral compass and not be made to feel shitty about himself if he decides to make his own choices instead of forcing himself into the only acceptable role his penis signed him up for.

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