Anna & the M Kids – Part 7

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I didn't think Josh would get a Duggar-produced video, I figured just some kind of a post on instagram or whatever. Then again, Josh probably isn't allowed within 3 feet of anything that can access the internet.

[season of life]

Only a matter of time before Joshy boy screws up again. He does not have the self restraint to keep himself away from scandals. The first time, people were willing to overlook molestation because he had "repented." The second time, some felt duped, especially Jill and Jessa. No doubt they were pissed that Josh let them stand up for him. There will be a third scandal and when it comes, whether it be months or years down the road, Anna will still stay.

[BabyBottlePop]

16 minutes ago, season of life said:

There will be a third scandal and when it comes, whether it be months or years down the road, Anna will still stay.

I hope maybe the next scandal could be something where the choice was made for her... Like Joshley in jail. 

I take that back considering the Kellers' run in prison ministry. 

She and her kids are trapped and at this point it is in a prison of her own making. 

[twinmama]

On 6/23/2016 at 2:17 PM, Gobsmacked said:

So this is how Anna pays the rent for being allowed to live in the "Big" house.

CinderAnna just about sums it up.

 

Honestly, regular people have to pay their rent or mortgage however they can and if she was living with a regular landlord, cleaning the house might be a legitimate way to do that. Because it's the Duggars and because it reads like she is paying for Josh's transgressions, it sounds awful. But doing chores to keep her family in a home is not a bad thing.

[lascuba]

What else is Anna supposed to do? I don't think the Duggars are treating her like a maid, but she's living in their home and doesn't work. No matter who you are or what your circumstances, as long as you're healthy and able-bodied you should help out around the house.

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎6‎/‎24‎/‎2016 at 10:42 PM, theinvisiblegirl said:

I'm surprised they didn't haul out the kids for the video, but I absolutely don't think the first time Josh talks should be in a family friendly Duggar-produced video. No, I want to see someone like Diane Sawyer grill him.

What about Nancy Grace (she can be scary sometimes)?. Or Judge Judy, she won't put up with any nonsense. I'd love to see Prince Josh get a verbal dressing-down from a strong female figure that he has no hope of dominating or schmoozing.

[season of life]

Don't they have other kids to clean toilets? You know, the boys and girls not learning crap? Anna should have taken up Daniel's offer. He would have helped her with kids and a divorce.

[OrchidBlossom]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

What else is Anna supposed to do? I don't think the Duggars are treating her like a maid, but she's living in their home and doesn't work. No matter who you are or what your circumstances, as long as you're healthy and able-bodied you should help out around the house.

I'm not disagreeing she should help around the house, but the idea that they moved her back into TTH so they could lecture her on her failings as a wife and helpmeet and keep her on a shorter leash AND make her do the jobs no one else wants to do all while she is clearly struggling with a lot of self-doubt, confusion, and probably repressed anger makes me really mad.

Obviously she should help out around the house but all we ever hear about is how much Anna does for others. It doesn't seem like any one of them has ever thought about how to help Anna. She's an adult and she made her choices and she is responsible for them. At the same time, the kind of psychological conditioning and manipulation (if not downright abuse) she has been subject to does make me feel for her, and if the Duggar borg were going to pile onto that (which they clearly did) they could have at least told her to put her feet up and relax for a few weeks and try to help her recover emotionally. 

[ksgranola1]

She has never looked like she was suffering since Josh "went away." I totally agree that she has been going thru mental & emotional torment but she seems ok . Maybe she likes to keep busy.

[season of life]

I think Anna did suffer, but she had to keep her emotions in check because she had to gather her affairs and keep sweet. However, I think she really wants this marriage to work.

[OrchidBlossom]

4 minutes ago, ksgranola1 said:

She has never looked like she was suffering since Josh "went away." I totally agree that she has been going thru mental & emotional torment but she seems ok . Maybe she likes to keep busy.

She lost a ton of weight, completely changed her hair and make up, and also cried and teared up regularly on Counting On. All of those things, to me, would be signs that someone needed emotional support and help. Not chores. Even if she likes to keep busy (and sure, lots of us do when we are upset) busy doesn't have to equal doing all the worst housework. The Duggars could have kept her busy in ways that didn't involve getting free labor for the worst jobs.

ETA: I'm sorry if that came off rude to you. It wasn't meant to. I just find the way the Duggars treat others to be really insensitive and Anna strikes me as a very lost person. I find it rather horrifying how much they seem to shove her needs away rather than help someone they profess to love.

[EmCatlyn]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

What else is Anna supposed to do? I don't think the Duggars are treating her like a maid, but she's living in their home and doesn't work. No matter who you are or what your circumstances, as long as you're healthy and able-bodied you should help out around the house.

Why are we still talking about Anna living at the TTH?  Wasn't it confirmed that she and Josh were now living at the house where some of the And Counting filming was done?

As for Anna doing household chores at her in-laws house while her husband was in prayer-prison, it certainly beats having to leave her kids and clean other people's houses for minimum wage.  I don't think Anna was asked to do anything the Duggar kids weren't also asked to do.  It just seems that she was more willing and cooperative about it.

[Jana814]

23 minutes ago, season of life said:

I think Anna did suffer, but she had to keep her emotions in check because she had to gather her affairs and keep sweet. However, I think she really wants this marriage to work.

She was taught she can't show emotion so she might be bottling up inside. 

[OrchidBlossom]

6 minutes ago, EmCatlyn said:

Why are we still talking about Anna living at the TTH?  Wasn't it confirmed that she and Josh were now living at the house where some of the And Counting filming was done?

As for Anna doing household chores at her in-laws house while her husband was in prayer-prison, it certainly beats having to leave her kids and clean other people's houses for minimum wage.  I don't think Anna was asked to do anything the Duggar kids weren't also asked to do.  It just seems that she was more willing and cooperative about it.

I mean I don't care that she was doing chores. It just bothers me how little they seem to care for her in a time where she probably needs support. That's my main qualm. 

Which house are they living in now?

[2manyKidzzz]

I felt like they could have done better than talk about the fact that she cleaned their toilets. They could have said how great it was to have her with them and that sweet Anna, was really just so helpful also. 

Cleaning toilets. That struck me wrong. 

[EmCatlyn]

45 minutes ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

I felt like they could have done better than talk about the fact that she cleaned their toilets. They could have said how great it was to have her with them and that sweet Anna, was really just so helpful also. 

Cleaning toilets. That struck me wrong. 

I think mentioning the toilet cleaning was a mistake, but an innocent one. If I remember correctly, Jana was praising Anna for being willing to do the work no one else wanted to do. And cleaning the toilets is a prime example.  (I am procrastinating on cleaning my bathrooms even as I type.)

I thought Jana was expressing real, sincere appreciation for a way in which Anna had behaved while at the TTH.  To me it suggested that Jana may often have to choose between doing the work herself or nagging the sibling whose job it is. Anna volunteered to do it, and took a burden off her shoulders.

If instead of talking about Anna, Jana had been talking about Jill or Jinger or Joy, we would have seen it as a sibling giving high praise to another sibling. (If she had been talking about Jessa, we would have wondered what Jana had been smoking.)  

The reason it bothers us is because Anna is the sister-in-law whose husband's disgrace forced her to leave her own home and move into the girls' room at the TTH, to become a "helper" when she was once the female head of her own household.  And we feel that the Duggars, who stuck her with Josh, are somehow responsible for making things better for Anna, not "use her like a maid."

But I don't think the Duggar daughters saw it that way.  In one way or another, all of them have been victimized by Josh in some way, at some point.  Anna is just another victim.  They feel sorry for her but probably don't feel they "owe" her anything.  They appreciated her self control and positive attitude towards them, and they were praising her for being a good sister.

At least, that is how I read it.   The sadness of Anna's situation is not caused by under-appreciative Duggar sisters-in-law.  It is caused by JB, by her own father, by the IBPL teachings, and, of course, by Josh.

ETA: I am not sure where Anna and Josh and the kids are living now, but I think it was pretty much "decided" here that they are in the "pool" house?  (The house that the midwife used to live in?) . But wherever they are, I don't think it is the TTH.

[lascuba]

1 hour ago, EmCatlyn said:

Why are we still talking about Anna living at the TTH?  Wasn't it confirmed that she and Josh were now living at the house where some of the And Counting filming was done?

As for Anna doing household chores at her in-laws house while her husband was in prayer-prison, it certainly beats having to leave her kids and clean other people's houses for minimum wage.  I don't think Anna was asked to do anything the Duggar kids weren't also asked to do.  It just seems that she was more willing and cooperative about it.

Because I completely forgot about that, heh. 

As for Anna needing support, how much emotional support can one give? Or what I really mean by that question is how are we defining emotional support in general and in the Duggars' specific context? There's only so many hours of emotional conversations one can have, so many days in a row. Life goes on in the midst of emotional crises and work still has to be done. Cleaning toilets can't possibly get in the way of that, and dwelling on an emotional upset doesn't help anyone...her children didn't die, her husband just cheated on her, albeit in an embarrassingly public way (and lets not forget that she was in a much better position to leave Josh if she wanted to than most fundie women would be, and yet she stays). Women have been dealing with cheating men since the invention of monogamy. It sucks, but she's not a special snowflake in all this.

For the Duggars, emotional support just means more praying and lending a sympathetic ear for those inclined. That's probably exactly what Anna wants, and the best that the Duggars know to offer. 

[2manyKidzzz]

II think it would have been nice to talk about Anna's birthday without mentioning toilets. Mistake, omission, call it what you will. 

Tacky.

[lascuba]

Maybe I've been lucky with the people I've lived with, but toilet cleaning is the least worst part of cleaning the bathroom. Cleaning the goddamned tub when you have hard water? That's the one thing that makes me seriously consider paying someone to clean my house. 

[2manyKidzzz]

8 minutes ago, lascuba said:

Maybe I've been lucky with the people I've lived with, but toilet cleaning is the least worst part of cleaning the bathroom. Cleaning the goddamned tub when you have hard water? That's the one thing that makes me seriously consider paying someone to clean my house. 

Mildew. Accompanied by laziness is what got me. We've moved and the mildew is not a problem. But I am still lazy. 

[twinmama]

2 hours ago, season of life said:

I think Anna did suffer, but she had to keep her emotions in check because she had to gather her affairs and keep sweet. However, I think she really wants this marriage to work.

She also has so many small kids and probably hardly any time to deal with the entire Josh thing. My two 4 year olds keep me so exhausted I don't have mental energy for unemotional things, I can't imagine what the nightmare she went through would take to deal with!!

[19 cats and counting]

5 hours ago, season of life said:

Don't they have other kids to clean toilets? You know, the boys and girls not learning crap? Anna should have taken up Daniel's offer. He would have helped her with kids and a divorce.

It seems that cleaning toilets is reserve for Duggar kids in law. 

Jeremy better brush up on his toilet cleaning skills.

[HermioneSparrow]

If the Duggars don't support their kids in any situation (except Joshie but it's more like let's clean our reputation), why would anyone think they would support Anna? In this cult women are taught to keep their emotions on check and not show them... Look at Jana, she learned that very early in life.

[foreign fundie]

Wait, are they implying that in a house full of unemployed adults, who all happen to have a real servant heart, there are jobs nobody wants to do? I see a little crack in the godliness. Next thing we know is someone is wearing pants. 

By the way, wouldn't it be refreshing if they either stop alluding to the scandals, or just call it Joshgate 1 or 2 instead of 'the hard times'. If I go to the dentist, I also have a 'hard time'. 

[Mela99]

On 6/29/2016 at 2:44 PM, LadyCrow1313 said:

What about Nancy Grace (she can be scary sometimes)?. Or Judge Judy, she won't put up with any nonsense. I'd love to see Prince Josh get a verbal dressing-down from a strong female figure that he has no hope of dominating or schmoozing.

Nancy Grace is a shebeast but I LOVE LOVE LOVE Judge Judy. I would PAY to see her go after the Duggars. An aside, JJ has some great books on the problems with the justic system and being a strong woman. Highly recommend