Bates Family Part 15 - Bumps, Births and Babies

[Diana]

haha Alyssa has a great sense of humour, everybody makes mistakes its good to take them to learn what you did wrong and not make a drama about it. If there is something annoying about social media is how people will always find any little mistake you are doing and give you a hard time for it, lots of messages repeating what you did wrong again and again and imagining the worst things that could have happened because of you until you feel bad about yourself, and even judging you as a person for it.

[16strong]

10 minutes ago, Diana said:

haha Alyssa has a great sense of humour, everybody makes mistakes its good to take them to learn what you did wrong and not make a drama about it. If there is something annoying about social media is how people will always find any little mistake you are doing and give you a hard time for it, lots of messages repeating what you did wrong again and again and imagining the worst things that could have happened because of you until you feel bad about yourself, and even judging you as a person for it.

Alyssa, is that you?

[LawsonBatesEgo]

10 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I actually liked Alyssa's joke on instagram. She's said she was going to check the seat belts.. I'm sure she realised she was wrong. Showing a bit of humour helps to relax and sometimes it's a good solution to finish arguments. If that happened to me, I wouldn't start to appologise and publicy cry "I'm a bad mother", I will probably do the same as Alyssa: checking the seat in real  life but taking it easy in IG. This said, I would be terrified for my mistake, but I wouldn't explain it to strangers. Of course we don't know if Alyssa feels guilty, but I'm sure she's concerned about safety.

There's something fresh in Alyssa, something smart despite her lack of education and her vanity. And using humour to answer people (and not Bible quotes) makes me think she's going to fundie-lite way. 

 

I have to agree with this. The 'damage was done' so to speak by posting the original picture and with it, getting the influx of 'car seat police' in the comments.  Deleting the picture would have made them say 'she doesn't care' and like she was 'running away from the problem' and 'deleting the evidence'. There is nothing to be gained by making a huge sob story post about how she 'cried to jesus about it' or whatever. So she posted a couple of pictures of Allie as if to say 'my life is continuing on' and then posted the joke which to me suggests like you said, this is her way of saying she's checked it out/read up on it in real life but isn't going to get into it any further online.

Surprisingly smart way to handle it for a fundie.  

[BabyBottlePop]

On May 12, 2016 at 10:22 AM, 19 cats and counting said:

A former friend of mine (we long lost touch, no hard feelings) used a chair cushion in her car.

I am under five feet and have to drive with a pillow and the seat pulled up just about as close as can be to the wheel in order for me to reach the pedals. I always worry-- if I got into an bad enough accident my chest would hit the wheel. 

A year ago, I got rear ended and was ok, but I was stopped (at a light) when I was hit so I don't know if that made a difference.

[formergothardite]

8 hours ago, Diana said:

any little mistake

It wasn't a little mistake, it was a pretty major one that could have killed her child. 

This isn't actually something to joke about. Children have died or been seriously injured because of their straps not being properly adjusted.

The Bates* have a tendency to give vague replies to controversial things so that no one actually knows what they mean, which makes me think that are typically just trying to smooth drama. Like Erin and her answer, she gave a useless reply that really told us nothing, but went a long way in getting people to stop questioning her. Same with Alyssa, she gave a reply to her putting her child's life in danger that tells people nothing about if she took the time to properly adjust straps.

IME, people who are out of IBLP and who do realize they really, really messed up when it came to child safety, don't give vague replies that say essentially nothing. Which is why I don't take anything the Bates say at face value. 

*except for the time Kelly pretty much flat out lied about the horse because there was no way to smooth that over with a vague non-reply. 

 

[RoseWilder]

On 5/11/2016 at 3:31 PM, O Latin said:

I think I said in another thread where carseats were being discussed that I think there are a lot of well meaning parents who just don't know they're doing anything wrong (not that that's necessarily the case with Alyssa, though).

You can go to your local fire station and they will install the carseat for you and teach you how to use it correctly. So I've never understood why there are parents who don't know how to use a carseat correctly. 

[is.it.real]

On 13 maj 2016 at 5:35 PM, VelociRapture said:

Ah. That makes more sense to me. I was picturing a totally empty room and nothing prepared at all. That'd be an absolute nightmare for me. 

Yeah, hubby and I aren't affiliated with any specific religion. So no baptism or party after for us - should be a super fun conversation with my mom sand Grandma (I can totally see them getting a little puffed up over this.) I really don't want a traditional shower either. Maybe I can convince hubby on a compromise of some sort.

Pertussis is one of the vaccines I made sure to get before my nephew was born early this year. That and the flu shot. It's such a tough disease for kids and some babies have died from it - no way was I going to take any chances that he'd catch something from me. And sometime late this year I'll get my Pertussis done again so Velocibaby has a bit of protection between birth and six weeks (which tends to be when babies here get their Pertussis shot if I remember right.)

Do you know why Sweden no longer vaccinates for Pertussis? I never realized other countries didn't vaccinate for it anymore (I no little to nothing about public health concerns internationally though) and I'm curious. 

Today the pertussis vaccine is in the program again in Sweden. There was a gap in the vaccinations during parts of the 70s and 80s due to ineffectiveness in the protection. 

 

In Sweden the vaccinations today is like

3, 5 & 12 months: diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus, polio, pneumococci and one kind of the flu.

18 months: mumps, measles and rubella 

5-6 years: diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus and polio

6-8 years: mumps, measles and rubella 

12-13 years: HPV-vaccine

14-16: diphtheria, pertussis and tetanus

About 97-98% of the two-year-olds are vaccinated. From six years on the vaccinations are done by the school nurse.

 

[mango_fandango]

OT, but it's Carson's birthday. Weird to think he'll be a big brother soon. Erin really does seem to love him, and Chad. Not leghumping, but they seem to be such a sweet family.

[Melissa1977]

16 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

OT, but it's Carson's birthday. Weird to think he'll be a big brother soon. Erin really does seem to love him, and Chad. Not leghumping, but they seem to be such a sweet family.

They seem nice and probably love Carson a lot. And if they have only 2 kids, they can remain a lovely family. But if Erin has one and another and yet another one, close in age, she would need to stop her music career, specially with her difficult pregnancies. And the more kids, the more frustation, the more training.

And now, I'll be a bit mean about their picture at the beach. It's a beautiful picture no doubt. And Erin seems no more a 1960 secretary. Looking at the picture they seem to be at 1983. What an evolution!

[actuallyjessica]

Here in Australia, it's practically unheard of to do ERF. Most kids, as soon as they hit their first birthday are FF.

I agree that a lot of people are unaware, but if something that concerns the safety of your child - why wouldn't you take at least a few minutes to research the benefits and then implement them?

I like Alyssa, but I don't like that she is FF Allie. I hope she does do her research and not just shrug it off as "oh, she'll be fine" - because yeah, she'll be fine, until she's not.

[faraway]

4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

They seem nice and probably love Carson a lot. And if they have only 2 kids, they can remain a lovely family. But if Erin has one and another and yet another one, close in age, she would need to stop her music career, specially with her difficult pregnancies. And the more kids, the more frustation, the more training.

And now, I'll be a bit mean about their picture at the beach. It's a beautiful picture no doubt. And Erin seems no more a 1960 secretary. Looking at the picture they seem to be at 1983. What an evolution!

It's not just those things, Erin had a placental abruption with Carson and is at risk for this to happen again. More pregnancies equal higher health risks. If all goes well with this baby and they're smart, they should stop after 2.

[RoseWilder]

On 5/13/2016 at 8:58 AM, 19 cats and counting said:

And there's a special circle in hell for shower games.  I don't want to make a TP wedding dress or guess the contents of a diaper.  Just no.

Amen to that. I hate showers too. There's always the same boring games, the same boring game prizes, the same boring food. If you've been to one, you've been to them all. 

My sister and I had to host a wedding shower a few years ago, and then a baby shower a year later, and we decided we were definitely not doing the same stupid shower games that we had to play at EVERY shower we'd been to. So we invented our own games. Everyone who came to the showers said that our showers were the most fun they'd ever been too (excuse my bragging, I know I sound like Mrs. Elton from Emma right now.) 

[Diana]

23 hours ago, 16strong said:

Alyssa, is that you?

Sure, im the Alissa from Spain baptized in the catholic church!

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, faraway said:

It's not just those things, Erin had a placental abruption with Carson and is at risk for this to happen again. More pregnancies equal higher health risks. If all goes well with this baby and they're smart, they should stop after 2.

When Erin got pregnant of Brooklyn, they repeatedly said the word surprise. I suppose they were using some natural birth control, that obviously didn't work. I want to think this time the'll increase control. Not all fundies are quiverfull, so I'm sure there's a way to find a "biblical permission" to use BC. Yes I know that Erin is very very fundie, but she also seems down-to-Earth, so does Chad. And no way they want Erin to die. 

I think Zach is the same way. Very fundie, but not in the extreme for letting his wife die "for god's plans".

But I'll say more. I have the feeling that Gil, being much more radical than Erin or Zach, would had do the same. Looking for a Bible " exception", telling nobody.

[hollywood]

13 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

Here in Australia, it's practically unheard of to do ERF. Most kids, as soon as they hit their first birthday are FF.

I agree that a lot of people are unaware, but if something that concerns the safety of your child - why wouldn't you take at least a few minutes to research the benefits and then implement them?

I like Alyssa, but I don't like that she is FF Allie. I hope she does do her research and not just shrug it off as "oh, she'll be fine" - because yeah, she'll be fine, until she's not.

Allie is kind of tiny too. My nephew is 2 and a half and just turned forward facing, he has always been extremely short.

A family friend just turned her kid forward facing and he is 8 months old!! She asked us for advice because his head bobs forward and he seems uncomfortable. We said well duh, he is too small! Idiot. 

[RoseWilder]

2 hours ago, hollywood said:

A family friend just turned her kid forward facing and he is 8 months old!! She asked us for advice because his head bobs forward and he seems uncomfortable. We said well duh, he is too small! Idiot. 

I know someone who turned her child forward facing at 6 months because "he's so unhappy facing backwards." I told her that I'd rather have an unhappy child than a dead one, but she just brushed aside what I was saying. I just don't understand how some people can be so cavalier with their children's lives. 

[hollywood]

13 minutes ago, RoseWilder said:

I know someone who turned her child forward facing at 6 months because "he's so unhappy facing backwards." I told her that I'd rather have an unhappy child than a dead one, but she just brushed aside what I was saying. I just don't understand how some people can be so cavalier with their children's lives. 

I don't understand that since at 6 months the only thing that really makes them happy is eating and pooping 

 

[SilverBeach]

1 hour ago, RoseWilder said:

I know someone who turned her child forward facing at 6 months because "he's so unhappy facing backwards." I told her that I'd rather have an unhappy child than a dead one, but she just brushed aside what I was saying. I just don't understand how some people can be so cavalier with their children's lives. 

It really is a thing that some people (and that includes babies, I would think) cannot tolerate facing a direction opposite the direction of travel. They get nauseous and lose their balance. I saw this many times on public transportation where people would stand if the only seats available were opposite the direction of travel.

Perhaps an infant who is so afflicted can be given medication to ameliorate the discomfort, I don't know. I imagine it would be difficult to know your child is throwing up and experiencing distress when in the car. Of course, distressed is better than dead, but still, it's something to be aware of.

I caution against casting aspersion on the driver when seeing a front facing child without knowing all the facts.

As far as Alyssa is concerned, no excuses for the misplaced straps. She has been around eleventy children and should know better. Isn't there a policeman in that family who could have set up that carseat for her?

[Melissa1977]

Has anybody watched Lawson’s video breaking an Erin's house wall? I loooove Chad reaction, he looks at Lawson like "I'm gonna kill this jerk right now", and it takes him less than one second to take a broom and go clean the mess. His reaction is so automatic that I give him credit in being good in arranging things and doing house chores.

[Coconut Flan]

I think Lawson was as shocked as anyone that he caused that much damage hitting the wall.  However, who can blame Chad for being upset with such destruction?   I'm glad Chad is handy so it won't be a half-baked repair. 

[JillyO]

Well, this just convinced me that (most) American houses are made of cardboard. As if I needed convincing.

[ElegantMajesticPearls]

The only thing I got from that video is that Chad looks hot in a t shirt. 

[RosyDaisy]

When Erin got pregnant of Brooklyn, they repeatedly said the word surprise. I suppose they were using some natural birth control, that obviously didn't work. I want to think this time the'll increase control. Not all fundies are quiverfull, so I'm sure there's a way to find a "biblical permission" to use BC. Yes I know that Erin is very very fundie, but she also seems down-to-Earth, so does Chad. And no way they want Erin to die. 

I think Zach is the same way. Very fundie, but not in the extreme for letting his wife die lll"for god's plans".

But I'll say more. I have the feeling that Gil, being much more radical than Erin or Zach, would had do the same. Looking for a Bible " exception", telling nobody.

BULLSHIT! Anybody who believes this was truly a surprise pregnancy is seriously delusional Erin and Chad are quiverful fundies who believe any form of birth control is a sin even if it meant saving Erin's life. They disgust me because it's more important to birth as many babies for Jesus than to prevent pregnancies that end in fetal/maternal death. Their kid(s) need their mama, not a memory of her as a martyr for a misogynistic cause.

[19 cats and counting]

4 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

It really is a thing that some people (and that includes babies, I would think) cannot tolerate facing a direction opposite the direction of travel. They get nauseous and lose their balance. I saw this many times on public transportation where people would stand if the only seats available were opposite the direction of travel.

Perhaps an infant who is so afflicted can be given medication to ameliorate the discomfort, I don't know. I imagine it would be difficult to know your child is throwing up and experiencing distress when in the car. Of course, distressed is better than dead, but still, it's something to be aware of.

I caution against casting aspersion on the driver when seeing a front facing child without knowing all the facts.

As far as Alyssa is concerned, no excuses for the misplaced straps. She has been around eleventy children and should know better. Isn't there a policeman in that family who could have set up that carseat for her?

My sister turned my niece (now 3.5) who is a little peanut around at about 15 months.  She is a horrible traveler and turning her around was the difference between her falling asleep in the car and crying the whole time.

I do think a driver's sanity comes into play when it comes to car safety.

[Coconut Flan]

I found a subset of quiverfull who are dissenters in that they believe that some forms of birth control are acceptable under selected circumstances such as after c-sections, caring for a large number of adopted children, being missionaries, etc. 

Owen, Jr., Samuel A. (1990). Letting God Plan Your Family

I'm one of those people who can't ride for even a short period of time facing backwards as is one of my offspring.  She cried the entirety of every car trip if she wasn't vomiting until she was turned around.