Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[Lurky]

I really, really hope that wherever Avery is, they have really good translators, because for everyone who believes "oh well, better she's in the USA than China", there's no way being institutionalised when you barely speak/understand the language is going to help her.  Ugh, poor, poor Avery.   Even if she has basic English, how on earth could she have therapy like that?  This whole thing is sickening.

[Toothfairy]

Poor Avery. Vicky is an asshole. I hate people like her. 

[iheartchacos]

Jean is adding another child to the hoard...

[unsafetydancer]

Fell down this rabbit hole waiting for a delayed flight. Holy shit guys! This is some grim stuff. Only really read the fencingmama blog so far and it's horrendous. Those poor kids.

The stuff people have been saying about social services is frustrating. K basically admits that she is emotionally abusive towards her adopted kids so many times. Surely this should be enough for someone to investigate, those kids don't deserve to live with a parent who takes away their self esteem like that.

Why would you even adopt special needs orphans if you wanted a "perfect" baby. Why would you even adopt 3 more special needs orphans even after it became clear that the first one you adopted had one or more illness that means she needs more support than a kid without her needs? This makes my head hurt.

Also is the woman who calls her girls "Egg Rolls" on her blog meaning this as a racist insult or is she just weird?

[Inthemadhouse]

I feel so bad for little Jie Jie.  Having read through the blog, it seems like she was her mothers absolute darling, until her intellectual disabilities became apparent, and then she was shunted aside for Apple.  It appears that she is a very sweet girl who tries hard and adores her mother, and is simply not capable of what Apple is due to her special needs.   But she's shoved into the background, barely worth a mention.  It must be terrible to know that you were once so adored, and now you're nothing.

[Snarfblatt]

18 hours ago, Inthemadhouse said:

I feel so bad for little Jie Jie.  Having read through the blog, it seems like she was her mothers absolute darling, until her intellectual disabilities became apparent, and then she was shunted aside for Apple.  It appears that she is a very sweet girl who tries hard and adores her mother, and is simply not capable of what Apple is due to her special needs.   But she's shoved into the background, barely worth a mention.  It must be terrible to know that you were once so adored, and now you're nothing.

Yes this so much. That's probably one of the cruelest things that you can do to a child. This girl was taken from everything that she knew to live in the US and was the petted darling for a time. Then she was shoved off to the side. She's probably scared and confused about what is going to happen to her next.  She might be worried that her mother won't want her at all anymore and send her back to China. 

[alexandracabot]

Well, in one of the least shocking developments ever, it looks like Vicki from Expecting Something So Big From God is giving up Avery for rehoming, not just respite care. But don't worry, all, Avery will always be her "heart daughter," so it's okay. Just not her real, actual biological child, because of course we know there's no way in hell Vicki would ever give up her biological child to a new family. 

[dianapavelovna]

Vicky is officially rehoming Avery. She writes more in that one post about how much she loves her than I think she has in the entire time Avery has been with her. But she's telling, not showing, and I'm not buying it. My hope for Avery is as for all rehomed kids: that the family she is with now loves and cherishes her as she deserves. (And let's all keep an eye to see if she shows up at Jean's place, what with Jean's recent cryptic comment about more good news).

[keepercjr]

This may be the best for Avery.  Vicky has been second guessing the adoption since she was in China!  She was never totally committed to raising her.  Vicky works and leaves the kids home all day to do their school work.  That is not an environment that a traumatized international adoptive teen girl needs to be placed in!   I think she probably only got approved to adopt because her adult son was living with her and I believe they worked opposite shifts so the kids weren't necessarily home alone.  I am sure he wasn't involved though as she never once mentioned it.  I hope Vicky feels guilty and bad about this for a LONG TIME.

 

I will be very curious as to who her new family is.

[iheartchacos]

Wonder if it could be jean since she has big news to share. But Avery may be a little older than Jean likes.

[katilac]

Can someone give a brief summary on Avery? I'm getting confused.

Edited because I realized I could try searching "Avery" on the blog 

She lists Avery's "gotcha" day as November 23, 2015. By December 6, 2015, she is openly talking about rehoming. So, what, two weeks?? 

The very day of the adoption, she is put out because Avery is talking to a friend at the orphanage instead of her, and then doesn't make it clear that she loves the clothes that were waiting for her. I think it's rather weird to lay out all the clothes you've bought for their inspection, the very day of the adoption, like that's a really important detail of the day. 

Anyway, nothing new for those who have managed to keep up, lol, but I was getting confused and couldn't remember if it was Avery who had already been rehomed once (nope). 

[littlemommy]

One of her supportive commenters is "K"/Kimi. 

This weekend I was sick and while I lay on my deathbed I read Kimi's entire blog. Okay, I skipped a lot of the cat entries and the endless baby clothes entries, but I read all the kid stuff. All of it details a pretty hard and chaotic life once she adopted the girls. At the beginning of the blog she was dreaming of a baby Apple, running her daycare, and fencing (the sport, not the crime!). Then when the wait for Apple was growing into years, she was able to adopt Jie Jie. Then it seemed like she adopted two more on a whim, the last one being a "rehomed" child. Then finally a baby becomes available to be the long awaited Apple.

It seems like last year the tone of the blog changed. Kimi started to sound DONE. Over it. Overwhelmed and fed up. The descriptions of the girls became bleaker and extremely negative. I can't even begin to imagine her level of caretaker fatigue. When I worked in social work I was a direct care worker at the beginning. It was exhausting at only 8 hours a day, so Kimi must be beside herself. The empathy I feel, though, is tempered by my incredulousness at her selfishness in adopting so many high needs kids in rapid succession. I know that her heart is big--couldn't she have focused all that love on one or two children? 

[DaisyD]

That's how I read the blog too. No way could I get through all of those damn baby clothes.

I think if she hadn't been so obsessed with a babeeeee she would have done really well with just Jie-Jie.

[Inthemadhouse]

Expanding on what I said earlier, I do worry a bit for Apple.  It seems like Kimmie is able to deal with, and maybe even gets a thrill out of, children with physical disabilities.  But she has trouble with intellectual ones.  Sissy and Blossom were wonderful and oh so smart, right up until it came out that they had intellectual problems (and I am not 100% sure I believe it of either girl).  Jie Jie has been featured less and less as her intellectual growth has not kept up with Kimmie's expectations.

 

And she was very quick to point out that Apert syndrome, like Apple has, does not cause intellectual disability.  This may or may not be true.  It seems like Aperts can cause intellectual disability, though it will not in all cases.  However, we have to remember that Apple did not start her skull surgeries at the time a US child with Apert syndrome would, which could cause pressure on her developing brain.  Apnea, which is also common in Aperts  can also deny her brain oxygen. 

Of course, I hope that Apple has the easiest life possible, and that she easily overcomes the emotional issues that can arise from both her adoption and the trauma of having so many surgeries and medical procedues at such a young age .  But if Apple fails to keep up with her development intellectually, I do not see it ending well for her.

I think she could have done well with Jie Jie, or even Jie Jie and Apple, but she had no business adopting those older girls when what she really wanted was a baby or toddler.

[alexandracabot]

The way that Kimmy described Blossom on her blog today about the anniversary of her adoption is so sad. The only positive things she can come up with are that she  learned her multiplication tables and that she's "easy to please." Usually, at the very least, these types of blog posts include a line about being so grateful the child joined their family.

[littlemommy]

1 hour ago, alexandracabot said:

The way that Kimmy described Blossom on her blog today about the anniversary of her adoption is so sad. The only positive things she can come up with are that she  learned her multiplication tables and that she's "easy to please." Usually, at the very least, these types of blog posts include a line about being so grateful the child joined their family.

Right?? Kimi has so much of a grudge against Sissy that I'm surprised she didn't list Blossom's main positive as "Is not Sissy."

[LilMissMetaphor]

I was 90% sure Vicky was going to find a way to rid herself of Avery, no matter how she pretends she wants what's best for her.  She never even fucking bothered to change her blog header picture (something that Christie of porknbeans/egg rolls fame didn't do with LInzi either).  She's disgusting.  Just because she never physically abused her adoptive daughter doesn't mean she hasn't emotionally abused her with pretending to love her and guide her and want the best for her.  But, sorry, here you go, help yourself to a new family, God only called me to get you out of China! Have a nice life!

[patsymae]

In another forum one adopter who had discarded a young lady shed adopted said that it was fine that she had ripped the child from everything she had ever known, taken her halfway around the world and then shortly after got rid of her because she was too much trouble because during the brief adoption " we introduced her to the Lord."

sometimes I wish I believed in Hell

[Lurky]

Yeah, this idea that these poor, poor children are "better off in America" is just crazy

[alexandracabot]

I don't think anything has infuriated me more than the "This isn't the easy road" rationalization in VIcky's latest post. She was thinking about rehoming less than a MONTH after Avery came home. No way she was doing that for Avery's sake. She was doing it for her own peace of mind.

When Avery was taken to the hospital, Vicky's first instinct was to post about how peaceful everything was.

[Shiny]

4 hours ago, alexandracabot said:

I don't think anything has infuriated me more than the "This isn't the easy road" rationalization in VIcky's latest post. She was thinking about rehoming less than a MONTH after Avery came home. No way she was doing that for Avery's sake. She was doing it for her own peace of mind.

When Avery was taken to the hospital, Vicky's first instinct was to post about how peaceful everything was.

Rehoming (aside from being a terrible word for this) is just disgusting. We adopted a 7 month old lab 2 months ago and our lives have completely changed. I dread waking up in the morning wonder what fresh hell is awaiting. BUT am I going to rehome the puppy because things are difficult right now? No. I'm going to power through with routines and compassion knowing that things will get better as the puppy gets older as used to life in a house. 

 

Vicky is gross. She really is. 

 

[katilac]

15 minutes ago, Shiny said:

Rehoming (aside from being a terrible word for this) i 

I actually like that it's called rehoming, and doesn't have a pretty little euphemism to hide behind. People should cringe when they hear it. 

[Koala]

1 hour ago, Shiny said:

Rehoming (aside from being a terrible word for this) is just disgusting. We adopted a 7 month old lab 2 months ago and our lives have completely changed. I dread waking up in the morning wonder what fresh hell is awaiting. BUT am I going to rehome the puppy because things are difficult right now? No. I'm going to power through with routines and compassion knowing that things will get better as the puppy gets older as used to life in a house. 

 

Vicky is gross. She really is. 

 

I am a German Shepherd mama (I've had him since he was 7.5 weeks, and he's 3 now).  It does get better.  



 

[Koala]

My mother actually knows that horrid woman.  They grew up in the same town. 

I almost fell out of my chair when I realized there was a connection. 

 

[alexandracabot]

3 hours ago, katilac said:

I actually like that it's called rehoming, and doesn't have a pretty little euphemism to hide behind. People should cringe when they hear it. 

Rehoming is a euphemism. The correct, blunt term for it is "giving up your child."