Adoptive "Mothers" part deux

[eightykatie]

Honestly, I wondered if she just wasn't so tech-savvy with the whole blog thing.  I remember at some stage the "theme" on the blog changed and she couldn't figure out how she changed it, or how to change it back.  I think she put the picture there when Jie Jie was adopted, and has promptly forgotten about it and not cared enough to figure out how to change it.  I do agree that she is looking like a perfect doll.  But also, I'm sure she'd change it to a picture of Apple looking cute if she could!

[LilMissMetaphor]

Well, in very timely and coincidental fashion (over the weekend), Vicky has decided that she really does love Avery after all.  However she cleverly leaves herself an escape route by saying that it's still God's decision if Avery wants to accept and receive her love.  Because of course if Avery doesn't, then Vicky can do another 180 and say that it just wasn't meant to be.

What a fuckwit. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

Well, in very timely and coincidental fashion (over the weekend), Vicky has decided that she really does love Avery after all.  However she cleverly leaves herself an escape route by saying that it's still God's decision if Avery wants to accept and receive her love.  Because of course if Avery doesn't, then Vicky can do another 180 and say that it just wasn't meant to be.

What a fuckwit. 

I never thought I'd say this, but I really wonder if it wouldn't be in Avery's best interest for Vicky to find her a new home.  It is obvious that from day one Vicky didn't want to bond with her, didn't even seem to want to like her.  At home it seems the other kids don't want to bond with their new sister - and there is no doubt in my mind that a lot of that comes from the vibes they are getting from their mom.  I'm not sure if all that damage could ever be repaired in that home.  And imagine being poor Avery some day, growing up and googling herself and realizing all the mean and hateful things her mom was posting about her online?

[dianapavelovna]

Jean would probably take her! (see No Place Like Home child collectors thread) Although she's a bit older than Jean's preferred age range. I don't think they've adopted any kids older than 11 or 12. Or maybe Kimi would take her on and let us know how she is simultaneously frighteningly conniving and completely lacks critical thinking skills.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Maybe this lady should stop adopting kids? Isn't it enough that she has 4 or so adopted daughters already? Maybe she wasn't equipped to take on a fifth and should just stop. Get a different hobby. 

[Antimony]

Vicky appears to have a Mother's day tradition of letting loose balloons to honor the girls' birth moms. Cute, good sentiment (far more than I expected from her) but not really what the environment needs, more mylar balloons stuck in trees. 

Quote

We will never know why they had to give up their precious daughters but we know they loved them enough to give them life and place them in a safe place were they could be found!

I mean, I think you could come up with some pretty likely reasons. 

In any case, here's to hoping the Kimmie doesn't pat herself on the back too hard today. 

[Maggie Mae]

26 minutes ago, Antimony said:

Vicky appears to have a Mother's day tradition of letting loose balloons to honor the girls' birth moms. Cute, good sentiment (far more than I expected from her) but not really what the environment needs, more mylar balloons stuck in trees. 

I mean, I think you could come up with some pretty likely reasons. 

In any case, here's to hoping the Kimmie doesn't pat herself on the back too hard today. 

I laughed at this. Out loud. So so true. 

[inabauers]

I just finished catching up on Kimi, I was way behind! I still can't believe that she's blaming all of Sissy's problems on anyone BUT herself, but it's sadly not that surprising. All those girls deserve so much better.

[keepercjr]

There are several new posts up on Kimi's blog.  So Sissy has autism, Apple has hip dysplaysia and Jie Jie refuses to be hygienic and lies about it.  Blossom seems to be fine.  Oh and Kimi totally knew Apple had hip dysplaysia before the doctors did.  And she knew that Sissy is autistic.  Maybe with "labels" Kimi will be kinder and more understanding.  Naw ...who am I kidding.  I honestly think Kimi has zero clue about normal child development. I have an 11 year old son who is pretty much refusing to be hygienic too unless I specifically request showers, hand washing, etc.  

 

[Maggie Mae]

KimI is not likely to get pregnant,  right?  I'm absurdly terrible at guessing ages, especially from photos.  She seems older,  but it could just be the fireman. 

So apple doesn't need surgery.  But oh wait,  she does!  Jie-Jie is a kid!  Blossom some how got on the "good list". Maybe Blossom did something for mothers day.  Sissy is autistic! firefighter is still around! Kimmie is so stressed you guys don't even know.  Feel bad for her.  She has to drive her kids to doctor appointments.  

Ugh. 

One day I'm going to open her blog and it's going to be positive. 

[keepercjr]

Kimi is older so no, not likely to be pregnant.  She wanted little Chinese robot baby dolls and instead ended up with 4 special needs kids who grow into special needs adolescents and adults.  Not what she pictured her perfect little family would be.  And wow she really needs to switch out of her Kaiser insurance if she can.  I live in the same town and we have 2 great hospitals here, 1 of which is a children's hospital and the other is a teaching hospital connected to UCSF, (actually there is a 3rd hospital but not for extra special stuff) and an excellent autism center.  There is no reason she has to keep driving out of town for these appointments (except for Shriners).

[freejugar]

How the hell did she suspect autism without knowing much about it?

i hope she educates herself about it

[nelliebelle1197]

I have been reading her whole blog from the beginning. She basically did nothing for the first few years she was on the waitlist for "Apple"/JieJie but buy clothes on sale, take pictures of said clothes, and fix up JieJie's room. I am only up to the preparation for Sissy's homecoming - Spring 2012. It looks like she did do some research on issues with older adoption, but judging by the comments here, I wonder if she actually READ the research. She  certainly built up in her head what motherhood would be - a fantasy straight out of a Shirley Temple movie.  All I have to say right now is that I am terribly invested in JieJie and knowing what is to come with her health and development, my heart is breaking a little bit. "K" should have stuck to JieJie and never adopted anyone else. That child needs to be an only child with all the focus on her.

I have not gotten to the Apple stuff yet, but I am really surprised she took a less than perfect baby. She had such visions of perfect Apple, I am surprised the Apple she chose is likely the most disabled of all the children.

Oh yeah. I stumbled onto this gem in the comments:

http://adventisthomemaker.com

Another older Chinese adoption. They have only had "DoubleShot" for a few months, but I have skimmed pre-adoption sections of the blog and find this woman very odd. She and her husband decided several years ago that she would stay home after she lost her job. He was laid off a few weeks later, yet she continued on her merry path of "homemaking" for Jeebus. They were childless at the time.  Well, they appear not to have much money and "staying at home" meant hanging out all day in a dirty two bedroom apartment complaining about all the cat hair in the bathroom and about how much she hates cleaning. Every simple thing seems to very tiring and hard for her. Can't wait to see how she manages the adoption drama.

[keepercjr]

I just skimmed some of the posts about "DoubleShot" and I actually feel like she seems to "get it".  She said she isn't posting all the dirty details as to not invade her daughters privacy (good for her) and what she has posted shows that they are really trying.  They aren't even forcing her to go to church as they want it to be her decision.  When she doesn't go one of them stays home with her.  And they are reading books as a family but her daughter reads the Chinese versions.  I haven't read the whole blog by any means but way better than K

[iheartchacos]

I just read this family's journey and it would do well for Kim to read it as well

http://bringingkatyahome11.blogspot.com/?m=1

She's going to hinder those children more than help them. She needs to allow others to help and take freaking advice from people who actually know shit.

[Coy Koi]

On 5/29/2016 at 9:40 PM, keepercjr said:

I just skimmed some of the posts about "DoubleShot" and I actually feel like she seems to "get it".  She said she isn't posting all the dirty details as to not invade her daughters privacy (good for her) and what she has posted shows that they are really trying.  They aren't even forcing her to go to church as they want it to be her decision.  When she doesn't go one of them stays home with her.  And they are reading books as a family but her daughter reads the Chinese versions.  I haven't read the whole blog by any means but way better than K

She certainly "gets it" more than Kim (although that is a very low bar) but why on earth does she call her daughter Double Shot? I read some of her blog but if she explained that, I missed it.

[alexandracabot]

The way Kimmy wrote the two most recent posts is heartbreaking. The first, about the oldest girls, is almost vitriolic. Not a trace of affection or praise.

Quote

The amount of repetition.

The amount I have to repeat to them.

The amount they repeat to me.

And how absolute LITTLE they are able to retain and truly learn. So little progress is made for an absolutely tremendous amount of effort spent. It is so discouraging. By the time they finally do seem to reach a new level, the relief out-weighs the joy.

And then the way she writes about Apple. It's not just that she's proud of Apple and loves her — she has to constantly compare Apple to her sisters, and in every way she judges Apple smarter, better, more mature, more loving, etc. And comparing Apple to other children, too. It's obsessive.

Quote

Apple is often perceived as being younger than she is because she's still pretty short compared to her American peers and her expressive language still behind for her age, and she walks with a bit of waddle because of her feet and hips, but once people get to know her, they soon realize she's actually quite mature for her age, out-going and charming. She's very healthy socially and makes little friends easily. She can be a leader and a follower and tends to make appropriate decisions about which is appropriate for the situation.

Blossom and Apple do butt heads constantly now. Blossom pits herself against her little sister all the time. Apple usually comes out on top in verbal sparring.

 

[Maggie Mae]

These kids need to go to school. 

In the comments Kim is whining about how waitresses offer her 17 year old the child size, even though there are petite women in the world. Um. Sorry we aren't all giants like you, Kimi. Being offered the child menu at 17, 21, 30... it happens. It's just something that happens to short/petite people. It's probably less to do with the disability than the fact that some people are biased against the short. And waitresses, especially. I think they get into the "rhythm" of serving and they don't even really look at the people they are serving. 

 

[Antimony]

1 minute ago, Maggie Mae said:

These kids need to go to school. 

In the comments Kim is whining about how waitresses offer her 17 year old the child size, even though there are petite women in the world. Um. Sorry we aren't all giants like you, Kimi. Being offered the child menu at 17, 21, 30... it happens. It's just something that happens to short/petite people. It's probably less to do with the disability than the fact that some people are biased against the short. And waitresses, especially. I think they get into the "rhythm" of serving and they don't even really look at the people they are serving. 

 

Kimmie also dresses her teens very, very, very young. 

Also, this infuriates me:

"hence they had to "knock the door" or, in proper grammar, knock on the door."

Prepositions are HARD. This is a minor error. I hear adults who are ESL say stuff like this all the time. Everybody understands. Kimmie needs to let the stuff like this go. Also, I wouldn't want to talk to Kimmie either if she kept correcting every pronunciation error. 

Also, what sort of day care owner says detailed info about the maturity of the children she cares for on her blog?

[alexandracabot]

8 minutes ago, Antimony said:

Kimmie also dresses her teens very, very, very young. 

Also, this infuriates me:

"hence they had to "knock the door" or, in proper grammar, knock on the door."

Prepositions are HARD. This is a minor error. I hear adults who are ESL say stuff like this all the time. Everybody understands. Kimmie needs to let the stuff like this go. Also, I wouldn't want to talk to Kimmie either if she kept correcting every pronunciation error. 

Also, what sort of day care owner says detailed info about the maturity of the children she cares for on her blog?

How is Kimmie's prepositional use in Chinese, I wonder? Flawless?

[LilMissMetaphor]

On 5/3/2016 at 8:38 AM, LilMissMetaphor said:

Well, in very timely and coincidental fashion (over the weekend), Vicky has decided that she really does love Avery after all.  However she cleverly leaves herself an escape route by saying that it's still God's decision if Avery wants to accept and receive her love.  Because of course if Avery doesn't, then Vicky can do another 180 and say that it just wasn't meant to be.

What a fuckwit. 

Not even a month later, Vicky posts about disrupting.  She's taken it down since last night, did anyone else read it?? I never thought to screenshot it.  A whole long blurb about how we shouldn't judge and we don't know the whole story.  It sounded to me like she was getting rid of Avery.  

[alexandracabot]

12 minutes ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

Not even a month later, Vicky posts about disrupting.  She's taken it down since last night, did anyone else read it?? I never thought to screenshot it.  A whole long blurb about how we shouldn't judge and we don't know the whole story.  It sounded to me like she was getting rid of Avery.  

I missed this! Hope someone else saw or can summarize. I hope it was just a frustrated rant and isn't true, but I didn't believe for a second that all was totally better with Avery.

[Antimony]

Okay, so I've returned from work and it has occurred to me that the conversation Kimmie is describing is likely a lot more logical than she thinks it is.

Quote

"I liked it."
me: "What did you like?"
"The movie."
me: "What was it about?"
"Those Indian things."
me: "What?"
"You know, those things you showed us before."
me: "Can you describe it?"
"Indian people things. Those things they live."
me: "Native Americans or people from India?"
"Not from India, from old times."
me: "Teepee?"

So, she asked them what they did. They liked it. That is an activity. They had a good time. 

When Kimmie asks "What Indian things?", the daughter narrows it down for her and indicates to Kimmie that she has previous knowledge of them and remembers something Kimmie showed her in home school. Kimmie, however, straight up refuses to build off this information. Instead, she asked for a vague description. 

Now, as an adult, describing something without being asked anything specific is hard enough. Even if your first language. Kimmie doesn't ask leading questions which could get her this information. I think a "What color are they?" or "What shape?" or  "What are they used for?" would help her a lot here. 

Kimmie gets her answer and proceeds to repeatedly correct it. 

There is a page called Special Books for Special Kids on Facebook and it is interviews with children with disabilities and their parents. I have mixed feelings about it (it is overwhelmingly positive, I can't tell if any part of it seems exploitative on the part of the man running it, I'm a total grump, etc) but he makes one really good point. For average people, we are very used to having another person meet us exactly half way. That is our expectation. For people with special needs, they may not be capable of reaching that 50% mark to meet you half way and now the onus is on your to 'close the gap'. Sometimes that means 100% of the way.

Kimmie doesn't seem like she wants to close the gap. 

And can she really not see that she dresses Sissy way below her age? Preferential to pinks, block colors, hello kitty or screen printed dogs. Striped jumpers. I don't know exactly how to describe it but it doesn't seem to me that she's shopping for Sissy in the women's or even juniors section. 

[Mirla]

She is dressing Sissy and Blossom both way beneath their ages.  You take a petite, non-curvey teen; dress her like a 9 year old, style her hair like a 9 year old.  Don't have her wear makeup, and treat her like a little child.  Of course people will thinks she's 11.

I always assumed that was the point.  Kimmie loves little girl clothes.  Her kids' purpose is to wear the clothes.  The like longer Kimmie can keep them looking like they're in elementary school, the happier Kimmie  is.

And, if you want to get a child who struggles with language to give you a summary of a movie, don't make it harder for them than it needs to be, and definitely don't go all grammar police on them.  Sheesh...  Repeat it correctly, and move on.  "Oh, it was about a TeePee.  I'd love to hear more..."

[dianapavelovna]

3 hours ago, Antimony said:

There is a page called Special Books for Special Kids on Facebook and it is interviews with children with disabilities and their parents. I have mixed feelings about it (it is overwhelmingly positive, I can't tell if any part of it seems exploitative on the part of the man running it, I'm a total grump, etc) but he makes one really good point. For average people, we are very used to having another person meet us exactly half way. That is our expectation. For people with special needs, they may not be capable of reaching that 50% mark to meet you half way and now the onus is on your to 'close the gap'. Sometimes that means 100% of the way.

Kimmie doesn't seem like she wants to close the gap. 

And can she really not see that she dresses Sissy way below her age? Preferential to pinks, block colors, hello kitty or screen printed dogs. Striped jumpers. I don't know exactly how to describe it but it doesn't seem to me that she's shopping for Sissy in the women's or even juniors section. 

I agree that she doesn't seem to be meeting them across the gap. I work with kids who have a variety of developmental/intellectual/learning challenges, and the conversation she describes is familiar to me. When the kiddo said "the things you showed us before," that to me is a big opportunity to remember what I've seen with the kids and offer suggestions - "the teepees that they live in?" "the headdresses they wear sometimes?" etc. And I would not focus so much on the mispronunciations, especially since they're not words the girls are going to use commonly. Model correct pronunciation and move on.

I also agree that the kids should be in school. I remember a while back there was a saga when she sent one of the older girls (I think it was Sissy?) and just complained and complained about how horrible and useless it was. The quality of services a special needs kid gets at school varies, and I imagine it's especially tricky with kids who have such complex needs (internationally adopted, ESL, developmental/intellectual disabilities), but going to school would help them with language and social skills. And I agree she dresses the older girls quite young. It certainly affects how they're perceived.