Jessica Seewald Social Media

[barbecutie]

Does anybody know how old her boyfriend is? She's made similar posts before so I am starting to think that when she drops painfully obvious hints about marriage, his debuffs include age and financial stability as reasons why he's not ready.

Because telling your girlfriend she's annoying af doesn't go over as well.

[ClaraOswin]

One of Jessica's friends commented - "I got married the day before my 19th birthday. Been married 6yrs this month and pregnant with our 3rd baby."

This is just so bizarre to me. I didn't know anyone who got married at 19 and then started popping out babies.

Well...except my parents but that was a different generation. And the stopped at 3 kids.

But this seems like the norm for their social circle. 

16 minutes ago, barbecutie said:

Does anybody know how old her boyfriend is? She's made similar posts before so I am starting to think that when she drops painfully obvious hints about marriage, his debuffs include age and financial stability as reasons why he's not ready.

Because telling your girlfriend she's annoying af doesn't go over as well.

I think he was born in 1990.

[JesSky03]

1 hour ago, ClaraOswin said:

"The number one thing couples fight about is money, and that is another reason why people think it is best to wait to get married. But I’ve heard that couples who have made it through rough financial times at the beginning of their marriage look back fondly on those simple days when your dates all had to be packed picnics and you stayed up reading to each other because you didn’t have a TV. "

Give me a break. Not having t.v. or money for "dates" is the least of people's troubles if they are struggling financially. Some people can't pay their rent. Or electricity. Or whatever. Get your head out of your ass, lady! Not having a t.v. isn't some horrible hardship.

"I had to pick an issuance plan for the first time, pay hospital bills, cook, take care of a cat, fix my car when it was broken, decorate my own house for Christmas, pay more bills, buy a new cell phone plan, and etc. "

Wow. Could this part highlight her age a bit more or what?  Most 19 year olds have to do all of this too. Married or not. These things listed have literally nothing to do with marital status.

I am convinced that when someone says they are "mature for their age"...it's really the exact opposite that is true.

Who is this random teen anyway? She doesn't seem to bright. So it's not surprising Jessica would relate to her.

I think maybe you are being a little harsh on her. Her first year of marriage sounds exactly like mine. My husband and I married when we were only 20 and had both lived with our own parents up until the wedding. So we learned everything about being an adult together- taxes, insurance, cars, jobs, school, medical bills, and yes even taking care of cats!  I couldn't just buy an insurance plan, cell phone plan, car, etc for myself, I had to consider someone else's needs for the first time. You do have to be more mature than average to make marriage work at that age.

However, I do think she is irresponsible for encouraging other young couples to just go out and get married young because she was able to make it work. I never encourage anyone to get married as young as I did without first doing tons of self reflecting to asses whether or not they are truly ready to take on that much responsiblity. I also always always always say I do not regret getting married young, but it is HARD. And it should not be done lightly. 

[ClaraOswin]

Harsh or not. Just my opinions. Those are things all married couples have to do together, no matter their age. The only difference is she is only newly an "adult" so she never had to do those things on her own first. She's young and has only been married a year. I wouldn't say she's qualified to be giving anyone advice on anything. I think it's entertaining though.

I follow someone on Twitter who posted a ton of "marriage advice" last week. It was hilarious. She has been married for less than 6 months.

The main problem I have with people like that random blogger is that they seem to discourage independence. Sure, my husband and I depend on each other for many things. But we are also individuals. We are capable of being independent in many ways. I think it does people a disservice to encourage going straight from their parents home into a home with a spouse. No life experiences in between. And that seems to be what she is doing.

It's not just for teens either. Take Jana Duggar, for example. Well, any of the Duggars. They go straight from their parents' home to their spouses home. They'll never know what it's like to live life as independent women. To me, that's sad.

Obviously my perspective is going to be much different than yours since our life experience are different. These are just my opinions. Nothing more.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

@ClaraOswin A girl I graduated school with (and I'm only 28), got married to her boyfriend when she was 19. He was only a few years older than her. She popped out her first kid at 20. She popped out her second when she was 22.  About 2 years ago, the marriage completely fell apart and they divorced. I'm remembering myself at 19 and I can't even imagine marrying someone, let alone having a kid before I could get into bars legally. For some people, it may work. For others, it will blow up in your face. For me, my late teens to mid-20s were the most important time for me to grow and evolve. There are still days I feel like I am no where ready to be anyone's mother, let alone at 19 and 20.

[ClaraOswin]

I understand the sentiment of not waiting until you're 100% ready to be married/have kids because that's totally true. Not sure many people are ever truly ready. But I think it's important to know yourself a bit to know if you're at least kind of ready.

My late teens/early 20's were a huge growth period, for sure. I am so thankful for the years of living in the dorms at college, living in an old (crappy) house with friends, and living on my own in a tiny apartment. I look back on those time with such fond memories.

Some people talk about wishing they'd met their spouse sooner so they could have started life together sooner. I don't feel that way. I am glad I had those years before meeting my husband. I wouldn't change that at all.

Obviously not everyone has the same idea of how they want their lives to be. But that's what worked for me. And I will definitely be encouraging my son to have roommates some day and to live on his own some day.

[Fundie Bunny]

I am 19 and the thought of getting married right now terrifies me. Before marriage, one should ask themselves one question, where and who will I be in 5 years? If you don't know for sure, you're not ready to seal the deal buddy

[nastyhobbitses]

5 minutes ago, Fundie Bunny said:

I am 19 and the thought of getting married right now terrifies me. Before marriage, one should ask themselves one question, where and who will I be in 5 years? If you don't know for sure, you're not ready to seal the deal buddy

Hell, I'm 24 and I wouldn't dream of getting married right now. I'd certainly like to one day, but I want to finish grad school, get my career going, and enjoy my twenties while I can. I don't want to jump into marriage and then end up having to go through a divorce because we're just incompatible/changed a lot. And getting married at 19? Hell no. The person I was at 19 is so far removed from who I am now.

[DuggarWatch]

15 minutes ago, Fundie Bunny said:

I am 19 and the thought of getting married right now terrifies me. Before marriage, one should ask themselves one question, where and who will I be in 5 years? If you don't know for sure, you're not ready to seal the deal buddy

I'm glad you are planning to wait a while to get married.  Marriage is not your life; it's who you live your life with.  Better to find a direction for your life first and then you will be in a better position to know which person will be the best to walk beside you.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

This reminds me of my college graduation from the University of Iowa. University President Sally Mason in the commencement speech said something along the lines of, "These four years here have been some of the most formative of your life. The majority of you are 22. You came here at 18. Do you remember yourself at 18? Would you still want to be like that version of yourself?" The crowd of thousands of students shouted a collective "NO!" Even seven years later, it's still the part of her speech that resonates with me the most.

[BunnyBee]

20 hours ago, hollywood said:

I occasionally creep on her facebook and it seems at least once a week an article is posted with some kind of hint to her boyfriend to propose.

I will admit that I am at a time in my life when all of my friends and people I went to school with are getting engaged and married and sometimes it's hard for me not to feel jealous. My SO and I have been  dating for 5 years and we both agreed we want to be done with our higher education  before were married (damn graduate degrees). But it is so hard to watch people who have been dating for 8 months get engaged and post it all over Facebook and not feel like shouting that should be me right now. Unfortunately my SO is very fiscally minded and wants to have X amount in savings, X amount of our student loans paid, and to be able to buy my a nice engagement ring which his says I deserve for waiting so long (even though I told him the ring is not the point). And this is why I have such a soft spot for Jana Duggar and used to have one for Michaella Bates because that jealousy is hard to keep in check sometimes. 

[Fundie Bunny]

10 minutes ago, BunnyBee said:

I will admit that I am at a time in my life when all of my friends and people I went to school with are getting engaged and married and sometimes it's hard for me not to feel jealous. My SO and I have been  dating for 5 years and we both agreed we want to be done with our higher education  before were married (damn graduate degrees). But it is so hard to watch people who have been dating for 8 months get engaged and post it all over Facebook and not feel like shouting that should be me right now. Unfortunately my SO is very fiscally minded and wants to have X amount in savings, X amount of our student loans paid, and to be able to buy my a nice engagement ring which his says I deserve for waiting so long (even though I told him the ring is not the point). And this is why I have such a soft spot for Jana Duggar and used to have one for Michaella Bates because that jealousy is hard to keep in check sometimes. 

At least you can do some things while waiting to make it more entertaining 

[BunnyBee]

1 minute ago, Fundie Bunny said:

At least you can do some things while waiting to make it more entertaining 

Haha yes, and we live together and were 'practically married'. We've lived together for over 2 years so we're married by common law in the state of Texas. But sometimes I just crave a big ol' BlessaBin cinderjana wedding dammit. Including the just getting married and peacing out after a bite of ice cream part

[ThunderRolls]

2 minutes ago, BunnyBee said:

I will admit that I am at a time in my life when all of my friends and people I went to school with are getting engaged and married and sometimes it's hard for me not to feel jealous. My SO and I have been  dating for 5 years and we both agreed we want to be done with our higher education  before were married (damn graduate degrees). But it is so hard to watch people who have been dating for 8 months get engaged and post it all over Facebook and not feel like shouting that should be me right now. Unfortunately my SO is very fiscally minded and wants to have X amount in savings, X amount of our student loans paid, and to be able to buy my a nice engagement ring which his says I deserve for waiting so long (even though I told him the ring is not the point). And this is why I have such a soft spot for Jana Duggar and used to have one for Michaella Bates because that jealousy is hard to keep in check sometimes. 

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine and my husband's. We started dating at 20 but married at 27 because of school (undergrad and grad), work, and saving money. We attended a very conservative Christian college, and all of our friends from college were all married years before us (even though they hadn't been together as long as my husband and I). We also bucked the school trend by living together (in sin! *gasp*) 2 years before our wedding. It was hard for me not feel jealous of my friends who were already having their weddings, and from my perspective at the time, appeared to have their life "on track" by comparison. I won't lie, they also made some disparaging and judgmental remarks to me about "earning" my white dress and statements along the lines of "why buy the cow when the milk is free." Even though intellectually I know that's bunk, it still got to me.

Well as the years have gone by, you start to get more information from these friends who got married quickly and young. Those times when I was lamenting my "single" status while they were married and even starting to have children, were pretty rough for most of them. Quite a few of them were (and are) on the skids, but have remained married due to their religious beliefs. My husband and I are not very religious so we never felt pressure to get married to have "sinless sex" like most of our friend's from college did. Since that religion literally tells adherents to marry the person they have a sexual attraction to so they don't commit any sins of mind and body, a few too many rushed marriages occurred. 

I'm not saying my husband and I don't have issues, but I think the fact that we waited to get certain things in order before tying the knot saved us from extra stressors complicating the relationship. There is such a thing as "too much too soon," and unfortunately, many young people who rush into marriages experience this. 

Anyway, I wish you good luck with your relationship and your schooling, Bunny! 

 

[BunnyBee]

4 minutes ago, ThunderRolls said:

Your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine and my husband's. We started dating at 20 but married at 27 because of school (undergrad and grad), work, and saving money. We attended a very conservative Christian college, and all of our friends from college were all married years before us (even though they hadn't been together as long as my husband and I). We also bucked the school trend by living together (in sin! *gasp*) 2 years before our wedding. It was hard for me not feel jealous of my friends who were already having their weddings, and from my perspective at the time, appeared to have their life "on track" by comparison. I won't lie, they also made some disparaging and judgmental remarks to me about "earning" my white dress and statements along the lines of "why buy the cow when the milk is free." Even though intellectually I know that's bunk, it still got to me.

Well as the years have gone by, you start to get more information from these friends who got married quickly and young. Those times when I was lamenting my "single" status while they were married and even starting to have children, were pretty rough for most of them. Quite a few of them were (and are) on the skids, but have remained married due to their religious beliefs. My husband and I are not very religious so we never felt pressure to get married to have "sinless sex" like most of our friend's from college did. Since that religion literally tells adherents to marry the person they have a sexual attraction to so they don't commit any sins of mind and body, a few too many rushed marriages occurred. 

I'm not saying my husband and I don't have issues, but I think the fact that we waited to get certain things in order before tying the knot saved us from extra stressors complicating the relationship. There is such a thing as "too much too soon," and unfortunately, many young people who rush into marriages experience this. 

Anyway, I wish you good luck with your relationship and your schooling, Bunny! 

 

@ThunderRolls this makes me feel so much better! And yes we live in the heart of the Bible Belt and those snide remarks sting. Our parents are both conservative Christians and hound us about 'living in sin' and often make very rude comments about how "we're never going to get married"  

[JillyO]

My fiancé and I have been together since I was 19 and he was 20. We're getting married in May, over six years after we started dating. In the meantime, we both graduated from college, earned masters degrees, and started our careers. We also studied abroad, moved in together, and traveled the world (together and separately). I am incredibly happy to be marrying Mr. O, but I am also so glad I wasn't married at 19, even to Mr. O. I'm sure I would have felt trapped if we'd been married so young. I'm not sure we would have dared to study abroad, live on different continents, etc. And that would have been a damned shame.

[hollywood]

4 hours ago, BunnyBee said:

I will admit that I am at a time in my life when all of my friends and people I went to school with are getting engaged and married and sometimes it's hard for me not to feel jealous. My SO and I have been  dating for 5 years and we both agreed we want to be done with our higher education  before were married (damn graduate degrees). But it is so hard to watch people who have been dating for 8 months get engaged and post it all over Facebook and not feel like shouting that should be me right now. Unfortunately my SO is very fiscally minded and wants to have X amount in savings, X amount of our student loans paid, and to be able to buy my a nice engagement ring which his says I deserve for waiting so long (even though I told him the ring is not the point). And this is why I have such a soft spot for Jana Duggar and used to have one for Michaella Bates because that jealousy is hard to keep in check sometimes. 

I'm the same way except I am a single 22 year old surrounded by constant engagements/baby announcements. So I feel for Jana. I have free will to do what I please, I am just shy and awkward around people so finding someone is difficult.

 

[sophie10130]

I think one thing I see often (including in myself in my late teenager years) is that low self esteem can also play into this.

I had SUPER low self esteem that came about due to depression (or maybe it was the other way around) and my high school friends badgering me to wear make up, get rid of my glasses, pluck my eyebrows, get skinnier, wear cuter clothes, straighten my (already straight ) hair, etc. 

I started dating a guy who was deemed "Perfect" for me by all my friends, his friends, his family, and so on. And I literally thought to myself multiple times "He's not perfect, but I better stick with him, because it's not like anyone else would date someone like me."

Meanwhile, my boyfriend at the time was a man child, never lifted me up, never challenged me, wasn't really there for me, wasn't proud of me, never did little things to show me he cared. Even after multiple times of me laying it out for him that these were things I wanted. And yet, I figured I needed to be with him because who else? I could make it work, right? Better to be with this dude than single for the rest of my life, or end up with someone worse.

And then my depression got better. I stopped talking to those girls from high school so much. I made better friends in college. My self esteem sky rocketed. And I realized: I deserve better than this Bland as Oatmeal dude. I dumped him before my senior year of college (after 5 years!!!!) and moved on.

If I had gotten married at 19 (and we talked about marriage often), I'd be stuck in that relationship and not know what it's like to have a partner who truly cares and shows me he cares and is constantly telling me I'm worth it.

And at the time I really thought I had done all the growing up I was going to do. I was considered an old soul and mature for my age for my whole life. Jesus Christ I'm so glad I had more growing up to do. And I hope I STILL have more growing up to do.

It worries me that girls stay in the relationships they're in because they don't think they deserve better. And then they jump into marriage to legitimize their relationships. That was my plan all along without me realizing it.

[Jucifer]

On March 10, 2016 at 3:07 PM, barbecutie said:

Posted this poorly written gem yesterday. She's dropping more shade about being an unwed, teenage spinster. Dating Eli for over a year and still no commitment.... Blessa must be thinking, "Well that's what you get for dating without purpose, you pants-wearing sinner."

http://theodysseyonline.com/arkansas-little-rock/19-married/345361

Gems from the article include "Society also tells us that it’s cool to get divorced because half of all marriages in the United States end that way, anyway" and "taking care of a cat" in a list of new things experienced after marriage that helped the author mature.

Oh dear. I've been married for 32 years. I almost want to give this poor child my phone number for when the inevitable 3 AM phone call comes.

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

14 hours ago, Fundie Bunny said:

I am 19 and the thought of getting married right now terrifies me. Before marriage, one should ask themselves one question, where and who will I be in 5 years? If you don't know for sure, you're not ready to seal the deal buddy

I'm in the same boat. I'm turning 22 in a few months and I can't imagine marrying someone within the next few years. Many high school classmates are getting engaged/married/ or had a child already. I can't imagine bringing a person into this world when I don't completely know who I am yet. Plus, I'm currently living off of Top Ramen ha.

 

[BenjerminSeaOtter]

4 hours ago, Jucifer said:

Oh dear. I've been married for 32 years. I almost want to give this poor child my phone number for when the inevitable 3 AM phone call comes.

What is the inevitable 3 AM phone call?

[Jucifer]

12 minutes ago, BenjerminSeaOtter said:

What is the inevitable 3 AM phone call?

If you have to ask, you're either too young or too lucky.

I just think that getting married at 19 is problematic. 

Whoever does that might find something about their spouse that is hard to live with. Hence the 3AM phone call. 

I've gotten a couple of calls like that.

 

[season of life]

4 hours ago, Jucifer said:

Oh dear. I've been married for 32 years. I almost want to give this poor child my phone number for when the inevitable 3 AM phone call comes.

I want to know too, lol. Spill the beans, Jucifer. Do you mean a break-up phone call? Because when I Googled 3 AM phone call, I got hits for Hillary Clinton's infamous 3 AM phone call in 2008.

[Jucifer]

8 minutes ago, season of life said:

I want to know too, lol. Spill the beans, Jucifer. Do you mean a break-up phone call? Because when I Googled 3 AM phone call, I got hits for Hillary Clinton's infamous 3 AM phone call in 2008.

Hahaha!!! I guess I'm talking about my sister. 

She had a first husband who was a real piece of work. I got a few 3AM phone calls about him.

[season of life]

Just now, Jucifer said:

Hahaha!!! I guess I'm talking about my sister. 

She had a first husband who was a real piece of work. I got a few 3AM phone calls about him.

Ohhh. Okay. Mmm, I know about late night chat sessions.