Jessica Seewald Social Media

[BunnyBee]

2 hours ago, season of life said:

I want to know too, lol. Spill the beans, Jucifer. Do you mean a break-up phone call? Because when I Googled 3 AM phone call, I got hits for Hillary Clinton's infamous 3 AM phone call in 2008.

This quote is everything @season of life   

[SportsgalAnnie]

21 hours ago, Fundie Bunny said:

I am 19 and the thought of getting married right now terrifies me. Before marriage, one should ask themselves one question, where and who will I be in 5 years? If you don't know for sure, you're not ready to seal the deal buddy

I'm 25 and the thought terrifies me. I know plenty of people that already have divorced that are younger then me, it may sound cliche but I hope my first Marriage is my only one

[HarleyQuinn]

Whenever I see this thread has moved, I'm like "ooohhh, what batshit thing did this twit say now?" 

[mango_fandango]

A girl I know (well, by face/name anyway) is getting married this summer. I think she's about 21. As someone near that age who hasn't had any kind of relationship yet (partly due to social awkwardness, partly due to not having really met anyone yet), it's a very odd concept to me. The problem I have with articles like that one mentioned is that the authors always think "well, it was fine for me, so EVERYONE ELSE should do it too". Nuh uh. Not with something as huge as marriage. Two people could get married at 21 and have everything be fine and dandy, but that's not always the case. There's also a kind of societal pressure to be in a relationship at my age, and often even younger. Last year, my housemate said that it was "really unusual" for people our age to have never had a relationship. I then said that I was sure another friend of mine hadn't had one, and she was like "that's ONE person". She was impossible to argue with (not just over the relationships thing) so there was no point in me pointing out the truth). I can *imagine* being in a relationship, but practically and realistically I don't see it happening for another couple of years. I absolutely CANNOT imagine being married right now. 

[ClaraOswin]

It is annoying that people assume everyone MUST have a relationship/have sex/get married/have kids by a certain age.

My husband was my first real relationship and I was 22 when we met.

[Chickenbutt]

I had a lot of "relationships" in my late teens, early 20's. Met my husband at age 24, married at 25. Eldest son was born 6 days short of our first anniversary. We have been married 33.5 years, so I guess it worked out.

[Trynn]

I'm 27. Never had sex, never done anything with a guy, at all. Partly because I never really wanted to, and partly because I grew up I a cult like environment and didn't really have the chance to try anything when I did get curious. And partly because I'm an aromantic asexual.

My best make friend was 24 when he lost his virginity, which isn't when most people lose it, but I would still assume it's not an uncommon thing.

[ClaraOswin]

I think things seem much different now than when I was in college. I remember in college..I had a LOT of friends who had never had sex. Especially during the first couple years. Many had been in relationships and whatnot. Some not. But it certainly wasn't uncommon to still be a virgin. No one made a big deal out of it, that's for sure.

In high school I'd say those who had NOT had sex outnumbered those who had. But these days, I think it's quite the opposite. Not sure why it seems to have changed so much. Different generation, I guess. 

I can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I left high school. Yikes.

[candygirl200413]

15 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

I think things seem much different now than when I was in college. I remember in college..I had a LOT of friends who had never had sex. Especially during the first couple years. Many had been in relationships and whatnot. Some not. But it certainly wasn't uncommon to still be a virgin. No one made a big deal out of it, that's for sure.

In high school I'd say those who had NOT had sex outnumbered those who had. But these days, I think it's quite the opposite. Not sure why it seems to have changed so much. Different generation, I guess. 

I can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I left high school. Yikes.

in one of my public health classes, honestly don't remember how it came up but there's been a few studies done in the past few years and it turns out college students this day in age actually assume that their peers are not virgins when it's actually somewhere around 40% of college students are actually virgins by the time they graduate which I was like shocked by.

I go to school that isn't southern but since it's like in a southern state a lot of kids are from deep down in the south (ie: VA,NC,SC, etc.) and me being a north eastern girl my entire life I was shocked with how many classmates/sorority sisters/acquaintances got engaged/married while being in college and how quickly it happened too! My fav was a girl who turned 20 and then got married (I would be very sad if I couldn't have at least a toast of champagne at my wedding cause I was under age!).Her husband graduated a year early while she's a junior, but the same age. 

I've never had a relationship due to some sexual abuse which I finally got therapy for and have started to play catch up with my peers in terms of embracing my sexuality. But I'm lucky that I have great friends and a therapist who have told me it's okay, you don't have to be at a certain age for kissing/losing your virginity, etc.

 

 

[ClaraOswin]

Very interesting. 

I only had 1 friend get married while I was in college. And 1 other friend got engaged (though it didn't work out in the end.) Other than that...pretty much everyone I know (in my age range) didn't get married or start families until after they graduated. Many friends didn't start having kids until their 30's. And I also have quite a few single friends. (One exception - one friend in high school did get pregnant senior year.)

To me, getting married and having kids young is so foreign. It's something I associate with my parents' generation though, I suppose.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

When I went to college, I became, yes, the blonde hair, blue-eyed sorority girl in a Big 10 party school who partied a bunch. A lot of girls who were in my sorority sexually active, a lot of girls weren't. Nobody really cared lol. Anyways, I mostly focused on school and my social life (because in high school I was a goody two shoes teacher's daughter). In college, I went out to the bars A LOT, made out with the boys... and some girls too. I didn't have sex until I was 20, and while it was super awkward, it was all on my terms, which looking back I am so grateful for. I was having a lot of fun coming into my own to get tied down to a guy, especially the fratastic ones. Eek. You know, I didn't really have sex a lot in college. I just drank a lot and had fun with my friends. My now husband was my first ever "boyfriend" and that when I was 24. However, I know for a fact if I hadn't "sowed my wild oats" I never would have grown completely comfortable in my own skin and personality. When I finally settled down with Mr. Museum, I knew exactly what I was and wasn't looking for. Don't stress too much, things happen in their own time and place. Don't waste time on fratastic douchelords (from a girl who  knows).

[JillyO]

3 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

I think things seem much different now than when I was in college. I remember in college..I had a LOT of friends who had never had sex. Especially during the first couple years. Many had been in relationships and whatnot. Some not. But it certainly wasn't uncommon to still be a virgin. No one made a big deal out of it, that's for sure.

In high school I'd say those who had NOT had sex outnumbered those who had. But these days, I think it's quite the opposite. Not sure why it seems to have changed so much. Different generation, I guess. 

I can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I left high school. Yikes.

That is actually a common misconception. The average age of first sexual encounter does NOT keep going down. It's been pretty stable for quite a while, and has actually gone up somewhat in recent years. The majority of high schoolers is not sexually active. There's a bunch of (reputable, scientifically sound) sources out there if you are really interested, so I'll just throw one out there:

Quote

Teens are waiting longer to have sex than they did in the recent past. In 2006–2008, some 11% of never-married females aged 15–19 and 14% of never-married males in that age-group had had sex before age 15, compared with 19% and 21%, respectively, in 1995

Source: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html#1

I'm guessing some of it is that young people today just feel more comfortable admitting they are having sex outside of marriage. And a good thing it is. There's other reasons (media, confirmation bias, and so on) obviously.

[nastyhobbitses]

5 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

in one of my public health classes, honestly don't remember how it came up but there's been a few studies done in the past few years and it turns out college students this day in age actually assume that their peers are not virgins when it's actually somewhere around 40% of college students are actually virgins by the time they graduate which I was like shocked by.

I go to school that isn't southern but since it's like in a southern state a lot of kids are from deep down in the south (ie: VA,NC,SC, etc.) and me being a north eastern girl my entire life I was shocked with how many classmates/sorority sisters/acquaintances got engaged/married while being in college and how quickly it happened too! My fav was a girl who turned 20 and then got married (I would be very sad if I couldn't have at least a toast of champagne at my wedding cause I was under age!).Her husband graduated a year early while she's a junior, but the same age. 

I've never had a relationship due to some sexual abuse which I finally got therapy for and have started to play catch up with my peers in terms of embracing my sexuality. But I'm lucky that I have great friends and a therapist who have told me it's okay, you don't have to be at a certain age for kissing/losing your virginity, etc.

 

 

The getting married/engaged in college thing is weird to me too (I'm also a northeastern girl). I knew one couple in my year who got married right after graduation, and I thought it was so strange. My first thought when they announced their engagement was "is she pregnant? Because neither of them are fundies, so they have no other reason to marry now". She wasn't pregnant, they just wanted to get married right away. But hey, three years later they're still very happy together, so I guess it worked out and I'm just a cynic.

I lost my virginity at 17 (to all girls who are waiting: it's super awkward and kind of underwhelming, lower your expectations accordingly) and was quite the strumpet in college (and I think I would be a bit of a strumpet now if I wasn't swamped with grad school and work), and while it never really came up in conversation whether or not someone was a virgin, I don't think anyone made a big thing of it. Where I went to college, if you wanted to have a lot of sex, you certainly could, and if you didn't, that was cool too. As for relationships, I have a bad habit of getting into FWB relationships that I'm half-okay with and half-oh dammit I've fallen in love with you and you don't reciprocate, and finding jobs and educational opportunities that cause me to make massive international moves on a regular basis, so I'm all set to die alone after living an intellectually fulfilling and casual sex-filled life. If I can't get married or find someone who sees me as more than a fuck buddy, I'll at least make a concerted effort to have sex on every continent.

Also, I'm glad that you've found the help and support you need to have a healthy view of relationships and sexuality. Go for things at your own pace and comfort and screw (if you'll pardon the word choice) other people's expectations and norms.

 

[nokidsmom]

3 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

The getting married/engaged in college thing is weird to me too (I'm also a northeastern girl). I knew one couple in my year who got married right after graduation, and I thought it was so strange. My first thought when they announced their engagement was "is she pregnant? Because neither of them are fundies, so they have no other reason to marry now". She wasn't pregnant, they just wanted to get married right away. But hey, three years later they're still very happy together, so I guess it worked out and I'm just a cynic.

The getting married in college thing was acceptable at my conservative Christian college.   I knew several girls who did, mostly in senior year but knew one who got married in the summer between freshman and sophomore year.   There were a LOT however who were engaged while in college planning to get married right after graduation.  I was one of them....for a while.

It was the getting married in college issue that was the root cause of my breakup with ex-fiance though there were other issues going on.   I wanted to wait until I was finished with college, he didn't. 

I was in my early 20s when I lost my virginity.  No regrets on waiting that long as I really wasn't prepared back in high school, in college it might have happened but there was no privacy with my Maxwellian parents all up in my business and super nosy Christian classmates who liked to know who was doing it and who was not (not kidding).  I wanted privacy in this aspect of my life and until after I left college I didn't have it. 

 

[ClaraOswin]

8 hours ago, JillyO said:

That is actually a common misconception. The average age of first sexual encounter does NOT keep going down. It's been pretty stable for quite a while, and has actually gone up somewhat in recent years. The majority of high schoolers is not sexually active. There's a bunch of (reputable, scientifically sound) sources out there if you are really interested, so I'll just throw one out there:

Source: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html#1

I'm guessing some of it is that young people today just feel more comfortable admitting they are having sex outside of marriage. And a good thing it is. There's other reasons (media, confirmation bias, and so on) obviously.

I'll have to look more into that when I have time. But the part you quoted only mentions sex before 15. Which to me is EXTREMELY young. I was more talking about how people in high school seem to be having sex more than when I was in high school (ages 15-18.) Then again, I went to a Catholic high school so that could also have something to do with it.

[nastyhobbitses]

1 hour ago, ClaraOswin said:

I'll have to look more into that when I have time. But the part you quoted only mentions sex before 15. Which to me is EXTREMELY young. I was more talking about how people in high school seem to be having sex more than when I was in high school (ages 15-18.) Then again, I went to a Catholic high school so that could also have something to do with it.

I remember when I was 14 at summer camp and some friend of mine told me that she lost her virginity earlier that year. At the time I thought she was so cool and mature because she had sex (it didn't help that she was model-gorgeous already and I was still chubby and awkward-looking, so I thought that she lost her virginity because she was pretty, and I hadn't yet because I was ugly). Now ten years later, I'm kicking myself for not seeing it as a red flag that something bad had happened to her (though the way she talked about it, it sounded consensual and the boy in question was close to our age). I acknowledge that people can be ready for sex at different ages, but fourteen is way too young.

[PennySycamore]

I was thinking that I didn't know anyone who got married while I was in college, but yeah, I did.  One of my housemates one summer did get married at the courthouse in Athens, but then she "had to", IOW, she was pregnant.  Unfortunately, her baby was premature and died shortly after birth and the shotgun marriage didn't last.  She did go on to finish law school though.  

One of my roommates when I lived in the dorm WAS married.  She and her husband had gotten married when they were students at Transylvania University.  Her husband had joined the Navy after graduation from Transy and, when Janis transferred to UGA, she opted to live in the dorm to save money.

Man, I do miss those women and I hope they are both doing well.

[Hera]

19 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

Man, I do miss those women and I hope they are both doing well.

This is what Facebook is for! Non creepy stalking!

I actually know a lot people who got married before they turned 25, most from my small town high school class, but some from college and even law school. With the exception of 2 couples, all of them were divorced in less than 10 years, most in less than 5.

[Shadoewolf]

19 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

I think things seem much different now than when I was in college. I remember in college..I had a LOT of friends who had never had sex. Especially during the first couple years. Many had been in relationships and whatnot. Some not. But it certainly wasn't uncommon to still be a virgin. No one made a big deal out of it, that's for sure.

In high school I'd say those who had NOT had sex outnumbered those who had. But these days, I think it's quite the opposite. Not sure why it seems to have changed so much. Different generation, I guess. 

I can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I left high school. Yikes.

20 years out of high school next year, and my oldest daughter now attends my old school! Twas trippy on the first day walking in with her and having people recognize me right off, even though I wasn't a troublemaker or an exceptional student or anything.

ETA: I got married and had my first child at 19. We'd been together on and off all through high school and after I moved away for a few years, managed to find each other again. Getting married was okay, when our oldest was born we split up a few times but never divorced. When she was about 6 or 7 he joined the military (which I never wanted or agreed to) and instantly got deployed.  That's what I came into being ME.  The military moved us away from his parents whom I always felt I had to please, I was running a household, going to school full time and raising 2 kids on my own, but all on my own terms. He got stop-lossed in Iraq for an extra 5 months, and when he came back neither of us were the same. He'd met someone there, and I wasn't content going back to being the person his parents thought I should be. Who we were and what we wanted at 19 was a WHOLE lot different then at 25.  Because of finances it took us another 2 years to divorce. He remarried a few years back and is stationed overseas while I have custody of our daughters.  Mr Wolfie and I compliment each other really well and though we've had a long road, we get stronger together every day. I think way back when teenagers could get married and make it work...now its a whole different ball game and sometimes I do wish I'd waited.

[Yes, TOTALLY]

One of my friends in high school was put forward a year and lost her virginity in the first month of year 9 at the age of 12. At the time I thought it was gross and too young, now I feel sorry for her cause I'm fairly sure she did it due to a lack of self-worth. She was from a christian family and ended up marrying a very religious virgin (he stated this publicly on facebook) at the age of 21 (in her last year of uni). I'd lost touch with her by then but always wondered if he knew she had been sexually active from the age of 12.

[Diggingupdirt]

On 3/12/2016 at 10:33 PM, ClaraOswin said:

I think things seem much different now than when I was in college. I remember in college..I had a LOT of friends who had never had sex. Especially during the first couple years. Many had been in relationships and whatnot. Some not. But it certainly wasn't uncommon to still be a virgin. No one made a big deal out of it, that's for sure.

In high school I'd say those who had NOT had sex outnumbered those who had. But these days, I think it's quite the opposite. Not sure why it seems to have changed so much. Different generation, I guess. 

I can't believe it's been almost 17 years since I left high school. Yikes.

I graduated high school nearly 16 years ago and my experience was quite different most of the people in my high school were sexual active and i graduated in a smallish class of 150 and of those 10 of the girls had babies. That was just my graduating class. The school in general i remember counting on day there were about 20 babies born in my 4 years in high school. One girl even had 2 babies 1 our junior year the 2nd was in our senior year. I remember the joke was you should use the restrooms at school or you would become pregnant.

[ClaraOswin]

1 hour ago, Diggingupdirt said:

I graduated high school nearly 16 years ago and my experience was quite different most of the people in my high school were sexual active and i graduated in a smallish class of 150 and of those 10 of the girls had babies. That was just my graduating class. The school in general i remember counting on day there were about 20 babies born in my 4 years in high school. One girl even had 2 babies 1 our junior year the 2nd was in our senior year. I remember the joke was you should use the restrooms at school or you would become pregnant.

Wow. Crazy how different it can be at different schools.

Were you in a small town? I always wonder if people in small towns have sex younger because there is nothing else to do. Haha.

[Diggingupdirt]

3 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

Wow. Crazy how different it can be at different schools.

Were you in a small town? I always wonder if people in small towns have sex younger because there is nothing else to do. Haha.

I lived in the suburbs of a pretty big city and in a very populated county. we lived in a pretty middle class city. But, we (as kids) were always bored lol

[NakedKnees]

I don't know if this has been mentioned upthread or if it's the case anywhere else, but where I'm from "Mormons and Military" or "M&M" were the singular reasons anyone got married before 22 or so. The funny thing is I still can't think of a single exception to that rule.

However, since I left Southern California and have made friends from all over the place, I have embraced that broken marriages and engagements from a very young age are a very real phenomenon (particularly among the Southern and/or Baptist friends I have made). It seems sort of sad to me, like some really unnecessary trauma, but probably just because I don't spend time with the types of people for whom it must work out well.

[Shadoewolf]

10 hours ago, ClaraOswin said:

Wow. Crazy how different it can be at different schools.

Were you in a small town? I always wonder if people in small towns have sex younger because there is nothing else to do. Haha.

I don't know if its just small towns as I hate to generalize, but at the same time the one in AR we just left  (Pop. 12,756) had a HUGE teen pregnancy rate and an entire wing of the junior high for the new mothers and daycare.  The small town in FL we lived in before that, about an hour north of Tampa (total Pop. of 3 cities was less than 10,000) was the same thing. One of my daughter's friends got pregnant on purpose as soon as she turned 18 so she could get out of her parents house (I hear this a LOT!) and within days married the child's father. She dropped out of school rather than do the teen mother/new mother completion program and they are barely scraping by. Her baby is due in a week and it just makes me sad.  I don't know if its a lack of something better to do, the fact a lot of them were children of teen mothers themselves, a "way out" or what.