Romantic History's Sarah Jane Leaves Husband- Part 3

[EweSheep]

Just pathetic.......any abuser would deflect himself on to someone else. If Lauren's mom was the abuser, she would not have gotten the kids, period.

We all can speculate why he is at the lawyer's office. I guess it is regarding to child support adjustments (being unemployed) and more money going out the door.

Being abused as a child don't give Russ a free pass to abuse people he loves, past or present or future. 

[DaffyDill]

Oh God. Look Russ, if you were abused as a child, that's awful. Dreadful. No child should be forced to endure an abusive childhood, and if you are doing something positive about your past, good on you. I hope you find some peace, and understanding.

BUT. Writing rambling "poor, poor me" self apologetic posts designed to get some positive attention, at the same time as you again seek to pull down and denigrate the mothers of your daughters, isn't what is needed, and just shows how far you have to go, and how little you have learned.

Quote

I don't get to see him much anymore. I can't afford it.

Get.A.Job!!! Earn a living to support yourself, to see your dad and treat him every so often, and support your daughters. Don't just quit working and complain you are poor. God, that's Adulting 101. Supporting Oneself.

[fundiefan]

Professional victims put all their efforts into maintaining their victimization. 

[SuperWhoLock]

I can't even... The last things kids from abusive homes, or who are being abused need, is a man child teaching them to be petty assholes. I truly hope he declines the offer.

[EweSheep]

DaffyDill said it well!

[bea]

Who, exactly, is he reclaiming his life from? Himself?

[SweetFellowshipper]

8 hours ago, DomWackTroll said:

In fairness, I did say in an earlier post: "I think there's gotta be something financial going on here that we don't know about. Sudden windfall after a relative's death? Was given control of a trust that was set up for his father? Made some kind of disability claim? I don't know, but he's getting money somehow and doesn't seem to have a care in the world."

But I think I made it clear that I was just speculating and said, "I don't know." 

$7?!?! I want to live where you live!

The quote obviously doesn't lend itself to someone thinking 'everyone thinks I live off my dad' unless that same someone's got a certain viewpoint going in.

[DaffyDill]

3 hours ago, bea said:

Who, exactly, is he reclaiming his life from? Himself?

From the bottom of the De Jaynes gene pool? Seriously, I have no idea. Maybe he's laying all his inadequacies out bare hoping for some female sympathy, and that someone will give him some sweet lovin' to ease his pain. 

[ellacinders]

Call me a skeptic, but ridiculously nasty behavior and then a sudden photo of a therapists office with the claim of being in therapy doesn't quite ring true to me.  Sure, maybe he stepped on inside, maybe he made an appointment, maybe he actually had a session.  But I feel like he's riding on that little grain of truth within a lie.  A technicality that he can use to bargain with himself, 'see, I was at a therapists office.  I'm not actually lying.'

If he really did go for a session, bravo to him.  If he quits the second he hears what he doesn't want to, then it's all bunk.  We all have to own our own end of the problems we encounter in our lives.  Sure, some undeserved 'stuff' does happen to each of us.

But when the falls come one after another like a pounding rain, you have to step back and ask yourself, "now, how did I contribute to this mess?"  Because in the game of life, no one is an innocent victim all around.

And you can't play the "I was abused" card the rest of your life either.  If you know it, own it and work on it.  It's not a permission slip to bully others.  

 

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

2 hours ago, SweetFellowshipper said:

$7?!?! I want to live where you live!

The quote obviously doesn't lend itself to someone thinking 'everyone thinks I live off my dad' unless that same someone's got a certain viewpoint going in.

4 bread rolls $1

2 home made chocolate chip muffins $2

salad mix $2

cheese $1

fruit $1 (A couple of apples or bananas) 

tap water free

Easy. Lunch for 2 people. Salad & cheese rolls, muffin & fruit. 

[MakeitSew]

After thinking about this more, his accusations against Laurens mom really upset me. From blog posts she wrote years ago we find record of the abuse she experienced from Russell. Yet he is the one who accuses her of abusing and even physically attacking him. Now, last year around this time Russell tried to get an OP against Laurens mom in Tazewell Co. The case was transferred and consolidated with their ongoing custody case in Peoria Co. (because Russell believes he can somehow get custody of his daughter, a belief which no judge has ever shared). The OP was not granted after a string of hearings. The ruling prohibits Russell from direct contact with Laurens mom and he has to pick up Lauren from a 3rd party. If he picks her up at school he can't get out of his vehicle. He is not allowed contact with Lauren if she is with her mom. A judge decided this. There must have been at least reasonable evidence that Russell is/ was the instigator and rather than get more time with Lauren he now is more legally restricted in his communications with her. Yet he calls the woman he grossly abused the abuser. Fuck him. He's a shitbag. Also interesting he is apparently seeing a new counselor. A while ago he claimed to be going to the CPA (center for prevention of abuse) in Peoria for counseling . Counseling there is a free resource. I think a member here (horsenuts?) speculated hed only go there until they told him something he didn't like. Looks like that may have been true.

[EweSheep]

I agree with above statements that SewItOut was saying. That is EXACTLY what SJ and some of the reenactor friends were saying about him, his counseling sessions, the abusive nature. I did remember him mentioned about Lauren's mom abused him, but the story had changed when he rants on how unfair the courts were to him and he felt that he should be the one having the custody. Yeah, with his stories, going back and forth, spinning, adding to elaborate to make it believeable and good in his favor. Also the internet searches comes up in court records, its all there. Going to the courthouse itself to look up the readings and recordings, it's available to the public. 

With all of his FB friends telling him to stay strong, positive feedbacks, I wondered how much did they really research in his background, particularly his cop friends, past girlfriends, and family members close to him, REALLY know him. Obviously, not much except the face value.

Does he have a job that he is not saying or letting folks know? He would have been evicted by now if he has no income. Food stamps and energy and medical bills, paying for gas, money has to come in from somewhere. 

 

 

[MakeitSew]

I think the person who speculated he is living off his tax return may be right. A week or two ago he posted a snide meme about how real adults use their tax return to pay bills in advance, not blow it all on new electronics, etc. Of course using his tax refun for such a practical purpose did not become the awesome, responsible thing to do until Russell himself was forced to do it. I doubt it was for very much as he's a single guy with no dependents. He will need a job soon.

[SweetFellowshipper]

5 hours ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

4 bread rolls $1

2 home made chocolate chip muffins $2

salad mix $2

cheese $1

fruit $1 (A couple of apples or bananas) 

tap water free

Easy. Lunch for 2 people. Salad & cheese rolls, muffin & fruit. 

Oh, I believe you; I'm just constantly reminded that I live in a place with super high food prices. Those items would never cost that here. Fruit or cheese for $1, absolutely no. I'm pretty bitter about it.

In most places, and definitely where Russell lives, yes. That would be easy. I do think that it depends on how one was raised...food politics are quite complicated. Being raised in certain environments makes you crave calorically dense foods, especially if you grew up needing comfort or ever being hungry. It also takes a lot of education and habit changing if you're raised to think of certain items as "food" or as "nutritious," or with a certain palette. For Russell, he may very well be just lazy, but obesity is a widespread problem, and the average person eats fast food 4.5 times a week. This doesn't apply to Russell, but many people also don't have access to produce or grocery stores, especially in inner cities. 

I don't think much of this applies to him, though. We just do a lot of food shaming around here, and it's usually not as simple as it seems (but again, I think Russell is mostly just a big lazy whiner).

2 hours ago, MakeitSew said:

After thinking about this more, his accusations against Laurens mom really upset me. From blog posts she wrote years ago we find record of the abuse she experienced from Russell. Yet he is the one who accuses her of abusing and even physically attacking him. Now, last year around this time Russell tried to get an OP against Laurens mom in Tazewell Co. The case was transferred and consolidated with their ongoing custody case in Peoria Co. (because Russell believes he can somehow get custody of his daughter, a belief which no judge has ever shared). The OP was not granted after a string of hearings. The ruling prohibits Russell from direct contact with Laurens mom and he has to pick up Lauren from a 3rd party. If he picks her up at school he can't get out of his vehicle. He is not allowed contact with Lauren if she is with her mom. A judge decided this. There must have been at least reasonable evidence that Russell is/ was the instigator and rather than get more time with Lauren he now is more legally restricted in his communications with her. Yet he calls the woman he grossly abused the abuser. Fuck him. He's a shitbag. Also interesting he is apparently seeing a new counselor. A while ago he claimed to be going to the CPA (center for prevention of abuse) in Peoria for counseling . Counseling there is a free resource. I think a member here (horsenuts?) speculated hed only go there until they told him something he didn't like. Looks like that may have been true.

Yeah, nobody takes out that many OPs and gets that many taken out against him unless he's at least a major part of the problem.

[OnceUponATime]

7 minutes ago, SweetFellowshipper said:

 but obesity is a widespread problem, and the average person eats fast food 4.5 times a week.

umm what? Where does the average person do this? Source please(because I've never heard anything like that before and would like to read more)?

[feministxtian]

24 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

umm what? Where does the average person do this? Source please(because I've never heard anything like that before and would like to read more)?

4.5 times a week? Really? I'd LOVE to see a source on that one. I did find something from 2013 that was no where CLOSE to that. I try to avoid fast food as much as possible, but sometimes In & Out calls my name and I just HAVE to have a double double animal style. (reason 1299245792785 I could never move back to the east coast)

[SweetFellowshipper]

45 minutes ago, OnceUponATime said:

umm what? Where does the average person do this? Source please(because I've never heard anything like that before and would like to read more)?

Sorry y'all! Looks like I was misreading something this morning (which is why I was thinking about it). Just reread all the stats. It's 3x a week for the average person. Although that's not much better. Did look at another study that says as of 2015, over a third of children and teens and 1/4 of adults eat it daily; almost all of them are poor. 1 in 10 get their calories primarily from fast food.

Here's one quick one, will point people to more sources when not on my phone. 

http://fastfoodnutrition.org/news/fast-food-eat-year-1357710862

[SuperWhoLock]

I could see the 3x a week, easily. I live close to the state Capitol, and when we go there, I see tons of business people and office workers flock out the doors at lunch time, to hit up different fast food shops. Luckily for some, there has been an awesome, wholesome sandwich and soup stop downtown for over 30 years. But I definitely see a ton of people eat out both where I live, and up in the Capitol city.

[ellacinders]

In thinking over Russ's recent claims, I call b.s. on most of it.  I don't doubt that he was abused as a child.  Many children are, be it in the family or through school bullying.  And while some who are abused do become abusers, it is not an excuse.  Okay Russ, so you have shared a contributing reason for your abusive tendencies.  Now do something about it.

Taking a photo of a building as 'proof' of counseling tells me he's full of it.  If he'd been in therapy, I'm fairly certain one of the first things the person would suggest he do is take down the FB page and stop publicizing his life.  Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words, but the picture is subject to a wide array of interpretation.  I can stand outside a Weight Watcher storefront and snap a photo, but that doesn't mean I'm dieting.

The continued vitriol against Lauren's mother is alarming.  I read her blog and she owns plenty of  negative traits.  She owns them and shares them.  She's not painting herself as St. Kindall.  St. Russ, however, though he does deign to admit he's 'not perfect,' is another story entirely.

The professed 'love' of Sarah and their daughter as reason for his not skewering her in the same manner, in the same post he skewers Lauren's mother, is telling.  He doesn't love Sarah.  He has already skewered her publicly and permitted his friends to do so.     He has not defended her from his friends who put a noose around her neck, heck, while they did that, he kicked the chair out from under Sarah's feet so he could be sure and watch her swing.  He hates her.  HATES her.  She might be happy now without him at her side and he can't stand it and wants to sabotage her life.

He'll come out swinging at her next.  Just wait and see.

[Fallgirl30]

I think Russell has plenty of funds for the short term.  He probably doesn't pay more than $500 a month for his apartment, the complex looks pretty sketchy.  I don't believe he has received any windfall from his dad, I am certain there is no wind to fall there.  Most likely he has been able to save a fair amount because he doesn't appear to live extravagantly and he does bargain shop for groceries.  And yes, most likely he has a tax refund.  What we should notice are the people commenting on his recent posts.  It looks as though all the people supporting him, don't live anywhere near him, and that's very telling.  

[bea]

Just the fact that he would attempt to get Lauren away from her mother demonstrates there's something wrong in his head. Lauren is, or seems to be, profoundly disabled. He lives in a crappy little apartment, and has no job. I imagine, based on the nature of her health problems, that they will probably worsen with time. Russell cannot manage to keep a job, he cannot manage to prevent himself from violently attacking a woman pregnant with his child, how on earth would he imagine that a judge would give him custody of a disabled kid?

I suspect Lauren receives SSI and her health benefits are covered under Medicaid. It wouldn't surprise me one teeny weeny bit if the real reason Russell wants custody is so that he gets the monthly check that comes with the kid.

Kindall (is that her actual name? ) is a little too holy for my taste, but she has obviously been through a great deal. And she clearly takes care of Lauren very conmpetently. It cannot be easy to own her own business, raise three girls as a single parent, and keep her head above water 3 years after being homeless, but she's managing. She's trying, which is more than I can say for Russell.

The more I hear about how Russell has treated the women he has been with, the more concerned I am that he is allowed unsupervised visitation with his daughter. He may love her, but I imagine that he thought he loved those women too, and it certainly didn't keep him from abusing them.

[SuperWhoLock]

Ella, you continue to hit the nail on the head. My heart goes out to everyone who has or does suffer abuse, but as you said, it isn't an excuse for being abusive in turn.

No one has been a pure snowflake in any of this, but the difference is, the others involved own up to their mistakes. Personally, I could come up with a plethora of excuses for why I am the way I am, and in the past I did. Now, I learn to own it. Yes, I have issues that cause me to behave certain ways, but I do realize I have a certain amount of control over how I behave. How this seems to go over Russ' head, I have no idea. What he needs to do is own up to his crap. He needs to stand up and say, I made some huge mistakes, and I know I still will, but I'm going to fight to be better! Russ, the ball is in your court, and you have a terrific opportunity to put forth a good example for your children. If you put forth a good example for the girls, that's all that matters. Work on yourself, and let the "haters" words slide off your back, otherwise you will be eternally miserable.

And as a note to anyone, you know who you are, don't seek approval from others, seek it from yourself.

[season of life]

I don't even think Lauren's mother ever actually named Russ in her blog posts. She just says "Lauren's dad". If she wanted to, she could have put his full name out there. Russell's the only one, at this point, naming names and pointing fingers.

[nausicaa]

4 hours ago, SweetFellowshipper said:

I don't think much of this applies to him, though. We just do a lot of food shaming around here, and it's usually not as simple as it seems (but again, I think Russell is mostly just a big lazy whiner).

I just based my calculations on how much my packed lunches for work tend to cost me. If Russell bought groceries rather than ate out (which it seems he exclusively does), he could make himself a turkey sandwich, an apple, a yogurt, a granola bar, and a medium bag of popcorn or pretzels for about $7 assuming he's buying large quantities and eating this stuff every day.

Heck, even if he went to Subway it shouldn't cost him that much. I'm guessing he goes to sit down restaurants and buffets most often. Which is his choice and his business, but he shouldn't act like $15 for lunch is some mandatory expense especially when money is so tight for him. True, I don't know how many grocery stores are near him, but it's Russell, so my patience and grace towards his difficulties is limited and skeptical, iykwim.

[SweetFellowshipper]

32 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

I just based my calculations on how much my packed lunches for work tend to cost me. If Russell bought groceries rather than ate out (which it seems he exclusively does), he could make himself a turkey sandwich, an apple, a yogurt, a granola bar, and a medium bag of popcorn or pretzels for about $7 assuming he's buying large quantities and eating this stuff every day.

Heck, even if he went to Subway it shouldn't cost him that much. I'm guessing he goes to sit down restaurants and buffets most often. Which is his choice and his business, but he shouldn't act like $15 for lunch is some mandatory expense especially when money is so tight for him. True, I don't know how many grocery stores are near him, but it's Russell, so my patience and grace towards his difficulties is limited and skeptical, iykwim.

Oh, totally agree--I meant that my critiques of food shaming don't apply to him, because he is a big whiny baby. 

And yeah, I trust your calculations; I just live in Hawaii. I'm in Cali visiting family right now and food is SO CRAZY INEXPENSIVE everywhere but Hawaii (relatively speaking, of course). My eyes always bug out when I read how much food costs elsewhere.

He's a perpetual victim. We can't know if Russell's ex was indeed abusive, or if he was abused as a child, and I can certainly have compassion for that, having been abused myself, but at SOME POINT you need to develop personal responsibility for something. Maybe your life won't be perfect, or you'll always be affected, but you have a choice and you have a child.